Show him the door! You need to take care of you and your family! He is an adult and is responsible for himself. Bye bye daddy! The best you can do for your family!
1 Like
Tough loveā¦ He would have to be doing lots of chores at the house for me
4 Likes
I would tell him as long as he is living there he needs to contribute financially. Itās not that heās homeless and jobless because of circumstance or health itās of his own doing heās a grown man let him live the choice that he has made
4 Likes
He takes the job and helps pay or he has to leave.
You better hurry up bc in some states, after 30 days, you have to pay to evict him.
5 Likes
you have a family you need to worry about, He is a grown up & he needs to act like one. Kick his ass out & change the locks
Listen your daddy is a grown ass adultā¦ Itās not your JOB to take care of him!!! Doesnāt like to have a boss or told to pay rentā¦ Who the hell does!? But as an adult, you have certain responsibilities to yourself & to not be a burden on your child. Sorry, you are just enabling him. If he ālikesā living in his car let him. If he totals it, well his bad! Stop the revolving door or u will be putting up with it till the day he dies.
Girl, he is using you, has been for a while now. You have done enough. Do not buy him another vehicle, tell him he has 1 week to find another place to stay because you did not take him to raise, you have 5 kids you are raising and have no plans on supporting him any longer. If he wants cigs, go make money to get them, if he wants food, go make money to eat. You are done. If he was any kind of father he would apologize, or be out there walking pavement to find a place to work. Your moms side of the family would be right, there are plenty of places that can help him, and not feed into his helpless actā¦ if he doesnt want a boss then that means he wants to be on the streets, because if it wasnt for you buying him a vehicle twice now, he would be living on the streetsā¦
5 Likes
Heās a fully functioning adult and can make the choices that he makes. You donāt have to like his choices. You donāt actually have to let him stay with you. He comes to you bc he knows youāll enable him. Until Iām sure he gets tired of it or you pay for the repairs and then off he goes. Heās an adult if he wants food cigarettes and money for shit he can go get a job. Heās choosing to mooch off of you knowing it strains your household.
Tell him to contribute or leave. You are not his parent. You have babies to feed. They are priority ONE!
3 Likes
Wants smokes he Amyās for them wants anything he need to at that too you are enabling him and he no going to change get him to homeless shelter cause that is what he needs to figure out how he wants in his life
1 Like
Dad or not he is an adultā¦tell him he needs to contribute or find other arrangements on his ownā¦his destination in life is not your fault!!
4 Likes
You have your own kids to worry about! The example your father is setting is horrible.
If you want your kids to think this is normal then out goes dad. And no youāre not being a ābad motherā more or less youāre being a good mother!!
2 Likes
Your kids come first. Always. I would tell him to move on.
2 Likes
Yawnā¦you do know what to do. You literally said what needs to be done but your āheart canāt do itā 
Enjoy the situation youāve stuck yourself in. You have nothing to complain about seeing as you made your bed and now itās uncomfortable.
4 Likes
I would always take my mum is and feed her however I would not be feeding her if she wasnāt actively looking for a job Iām a single parent so my kid comes first. You are enabling him by not making him do stuff like find a job or at least the household chores while your working he has to pay for his keep some how. Also if I was struggling with bills and food to feed everyone I would not be giving her money for anything at all. If she wants money she can earn it like I do. My mum has been a big part of my life and we have a good relationship so I no she wouldnāt use me like your dad is using you. You need to put your foot down and tell him get a job and somewhere to live or here is the number for the local shelter ring them and see if they have space and Iāll drop you off. Your a grown women you should not be taking care of a grown man capable of looking after himself and he needs to deal with the consequences of his own actions and how he got there.
1 Like
For my mom who worked her ass off to give me and my sister the best life she could Iād do anything but for my dad who I love but did nothing for me growing up Iād tell him you have a week to find somthing different or start paying these bills and have him sign somthing saying he will either be out or paying whatever bills by the time frame! I belive in helping others but you canāt help someone who isnāt trying to help themselves! He either wants to have a roof over his head and food in his tummy or he dosnt and that is on him not you!
You can best help your dad by not enabling his bad behaviour, he should be ashamed of himself for living off everyone and thinking heās entitled. Bid the freeloader farewell, you focus on doing the great job that you are and do not waste any time feeling sorry for this face with an a*** on the end who eats, wreaks havoc and s****! Your dad needs to take responsibility and realise life is not free and using people is not how one behaves in life, no wonder he has no friends or other family. Kick his sorry a*** to the kerb.
4 Likes
id tell him get a job n help or he has to go u cant afford to take care of him ur kids n him also if he is able to work than he gets job to help or get out
2 Likes
You are not ruining anything. Your ādadā is ruining your relationship by using you. Kick him out now. He will not get any better. You owe him nothing.
5 Likes
Girl. BOUNDARIES. They are important. You need to set boundaries with this man. You are not the one ruining yāalls relationship HE IS. heās straight up taking advantage of you and you have already done far more than you needed after this man wasnāt even present for your childhood. PLEASE DO NOT buy this man a car. It will just be taking money from your childrenās needs and i can promise you wonāt see a cent of it back. People like that donāt change. You need to have a sit down conversation with him about him needing to find a job, getting his needs together and to start helping to pay bills or he needs to leave. And you need to stick firm to that and kick him out when the time comes. Your priority is your kids and right now heās literally taking food from your childrenās mouths without shame
1 Like
Obviously if you have Rulesā¦he will not want to be there. Do not buy cigarettes or allow smoking in your new home. Sit down with him and let him know that he must help himself and you. Insist that he must get a job and pay rent and extras.find a ādependencyā group and drop him off there for an eye opening reality check. Talk to your Pastor about placing him.a job or some type of recommendation.May God bless you! Hugs!
1 Like
Iām sorry, it sounds like heās leaching off of you, and your allowing it. Have him do chores around your house, and door dash to actually earn money and have him pay you a little bit of rent. Otherwise he can leave. He needs to grow up. You need to man up to your father and set rules for your father. He needs to learn that your not going to let him live there and not expect him to work around the house or pay to live there. My mother tried the same thing, but we live in apartments and they didnāt allow it. And I donāt really have a good bond with my mother nor my father for that matter. And if i were to let one of then stay, Iād set rules right then and there. Considering what they are capable of. Others how your father is acting would happen. You got to set your boundaries and let you family know them. You have to enforce them your self.
1 Like
First. N0 Money: Donāt give him ANY money for Anythingā¦ NOPE !! Second, tell him that he WILL pay rent. Tell him about the job, car offer, etc. Tell him he WILL take it. Be strong !! Tell him that he will stop taking advantage of YOUR family. You are his daughter, not his gravy train.
4 Likes
Either your gets himself employed & starts contributing or you put him out. Itās really that simple, dear. He needs to prepare dinner for the family a couple of nights every week. Stop coddling him, youāre doing him a disservice. I understand he is your father but I promise that you can help him best by demanding that he stand on his own 2 feet or he simply wonāt have your roof over his head.
2 Likes
HE is the one ruining everything, not you. Tell he he can contribute or leave, thatās it, ball in his court
4 Likes
Kids learn from example/ what they see. Is this how you want your kids to act like when their adults. Sounds like your father has mental problems. He chose his life to live in his car, not pay rent and not work in a real job. Heās not your responsibility. Let him go. If he canāt afford his cigarettes then he should stop smoking. Bye bye dad time to grow up or suffer the consequences.
1 Like
He is taking advantage of you, he needs to find a proper job and start contributing, we donāt get to decide as adults we donāt want to work for our own things, I would be telling him straight up that you cannot afford to support him and that he has x amount of time to find a job and contribute or find somewhere else to stay because itās not up to you to look after him because he doesnāt feel like working for someone or having a boss. Totally unfair on you and your own little family.
4 Likes
Heās not setting a good example for your children and neither are you by condoning his lifestyle.
3 Likes
Your enabling him is setting a very bad example for your children. Read that again. Allowing this situation and behavior to continue IS NOT GOOD FOR YOUR CHILDREN.
They must be your first priority, and you need to learn how to stand up and set boundaries now, or youāll be toast when your house is full of teenagers. Does your insurance have mental health coverage? You would benefit from discussing all this with a therapist.
6 Likes
You have your own family now your responsibility is to them sometimes we canāt always be the one To save somebody you need to worry about your babies and your family and let him figure it out heās old enough now to where he should know what to do and how to survive if youāre doing it with five kids he can do it with himself good luck honey
1 Like
Hes an adult none of his decisions are your problem.Tell him he needs to get a job and a room theres nothing else to discuss.
He needs to go.He knows exactly what hes doing and its horrible that he is taking advantage of you.
9 Likes
I wouldnāt throw him out. Heās your father and he needs you. Have a good talk with him and explain that he needs to contribute, helping around the house, baby sitting, picking up kids from school, mowing lawn, work around the house and earn some money to purchase his own things, cigarettes, and necessities.
5 Likes
He sounds really irresponsible. Yes, heās using you. Yes, heās taking advantage of you. Grown ups donāt do that to people they love.
8 Likes
You need to set boundaries with him and stick with it. If you want him to contribute then tell him that. You are not a BAD daughter or person for that matter. Tell him your my dad but you canāt continue live here without contributing to this house hold. If you canāt do that then you have (insert time frame) here to find another place to live. If he gets combative then call the police and have him removed from the property. You have to stand your ground.
6 Likes
Iād sit down with him and have a long heart to heart being 
with him. Iād start with I love you dearly Dad but ā¦ā¦ā¦ and explain your circumstances and the extra hardships being put on you by trying to take care of him as well. He is use to having nothing so he canāt even appreciate what youāre doing to keep your household afloat. Homelessness and living in his car are his personal choices. You have to stop letting him use you and your home as a flop house or part time homeless shelter. Not to mention itās not setting a good example for your children seeing their own grandpa being a bum. I would make a list of alternatives other than your house and tell him he needs to make a choice of where he wants to go. 
3 Likes
Hugs.
Youre not wrong to feel way you feel. Hes a grown arsed man who by sounds of it never takes responsibilty for himself and his actionsā¦ he needs to learn to stand on his own two feet and grow the freck up and fast!!!
As long as you allow him to continue to take advantage. Im sorry sweetheart but he will continue.
Do not allow this. Dont give him money or pay for things he cant afford to do for himself. Give him a limited time to get sorted and say he needs get out or pay as you have your own responibilities as a mum to your own children. Not his keeper too. Tell him you cant afford to support him esp when hes doing nothing to help support himself or even help to pay his way and help you out to take bit strain off you.
Bill him for the food he eats. Show him what it is costing you extra to keep him living this life style and put a stop to it. You are enabling him to do this and treating you this way.
Your way or the highway. And do not allow him to blackmail you emotionally.
Hope you can get this sorted. Xxxx
3 Likes
You asking him to take care of himself shouldnāt ruin a relationship.
4 Likes
Hes a ātaker.ā Donāt continue to let him take advantage of you. He obviously doesnāt really care about you and the kids or he would want to help you financially.
7 Likes
Seriously, you owe him nothing, kick his butt to the curb. His life style choices, his consequences, shouldnāt be your consequences.
I see people like this a lot and I truly feel bad for them but I was a single mom at one time left in debt with little children at home a lot of work and prayer God had to have been in it. As your dad he shouldnāt be sitting around watching you do all the work. I hope youāre not giving him money for cigarettes.
1 Like
You are not at all wrong. You have every right to feel that way. You have every right to stop helping him. Furthermore to exclude him from your life. The situation youāre in is very hard Iām sure. But the key here is, you even said it yourself he CHOOSES to live this life, because he doesnāt want people telling him what to do or be āstuck in the grindā. News flash mother fucker, none of us WANT to do it, but we do and thatās why we get to live this way. You are not responsible for supporting your grown ass father. It will be hard, but you need to make the boundary as clear as you can. Good luck. Youāre an amazing person to have done all that you have up to this point, be at peace with at least that.
Heās mentally ill, possibly a personality disorder. You canāt fix him. He will use you because in his twisted mind, you owe him. You donāt. No child owes a parent for being born and raised. Tell him itās time to go. In some jurisdictions, staying even a few days makes them a permanent resident of your home and you would need to have him evicted. So get him out ASAP. Next time he needs a place to stay, send him somewhere else.
1 Like
Itās not your job to help him yeah thats your father but you have other responsibilities, you and your children come first. Heās a grown man and your a grown woman. Tell him to find another place to stay, if he canāt pay bills, help around the house and expect you to support his habit. What use is he to you? Iām sorry but I wouldnāt let someone use and guilt trip me like that. You got to much on your plate I wouldnāt add to it if I were you.
1 Like
You need to send him on his way. He will keep using you as you allow it, enabling him. Let him go to a shelter, he needs a motivator to get up and do what he has to whether he likes it or not.
2 Likes
He wasnāt around till your teen years??? My āfatherā wasnāt even around my whole life
And his sisterās contact me for a certain of matter. You need to tell him straight up. If he canāt get a job. Heāll have to leave. Or just start charging him for rent. And tell him things aren cheap.
Youāre not a bad daughter. Youāre a vibrant human being who wants to live as such.
Unfortunately, youāre in a toxic relationship and enabling him.
I know, those words get thrown around a lot anymore, but I do empathize.
I went through a similar situation and can say, I feel 100+% better having cut off that toxicā¦āextremityā.
Youāre right. Heās an adult. You canāt force him to do sit. Same way he canāt force you to do sit.
Thatās where the enabling comes in.
Unless youāre high enough on the food chain to make everyone be your b*tch, nobody likes, āthe manā. Yet, we all need to function.
If heād rather panhandle, let him. Heās an adult and just like you canāt make him work, he shouldnāt ask you to work for him.
I donāt know you or your situation, but it sounds like maybe he was a vet; Vietnam-ish? If thatās the case, reach out to the VA. See if they can provide you both with some guidance.
If not, maybe a spiritual institution/support group he may fall in with?
If still a no go, you may try calling APS (Adult Protective Services), not so much to report, but asking anonymously what options may be. Depending on age, he may need a psych evaluation or perhaps just a state issued āfriendā to help encourage him to make some moreā¦socially acceptable decisions.
In the end, he canāt have it both ways. Stop giving him tools to self destruct (cars to wreck, room and board for free), and let him know if he wants those āfiner things in lifeā, (cigarettes, always accessible food) he has to give a bit.
He can live without the ārulesā on the street and be cool with begging, or get a reasonable job to provide assistance to you, for room and board.
Again - canāt have it both ways.
4 Likes
You gotta do whatās best for you and your family first! Yes he is your dad, but he is grown and has to figure it out on his own if heās not trying or helping you while in your house. Good luck
1 Like
So heās sponging off of you and doesnāt feel like working? To hell with him! How dare he do this to you, your children! Who wants a boss and who wants to work??? We have to, to survive! Iād have a chat with him and make it clear! If heās not contributing at all then itās time he grows up!!!
Donāt have guilt or allow him to treat you and your family this way!!!
2 Likes
Sounds like the typical deadbeat. Only come around when itās convenient for them. I would cut him off. Explain everything and see what he does with that information. Think about it, is having him around doing anyone any good? And would you even notice his absence? If it were me, heād be dropped off at the shelter. Canāt let people take advantage of your kindness, family or not. At least you recognize heās just a leech.
2 Likes
my heart is tellin me no,
but my patience, mah p a t i e n c e is tellin me drop his ass off 
heās a grown man, if he chooses to stay stuck in his punk rock ālol fuck the manā mindset, let him figure his life out. like, no one likes having to work for anyone, but does he have the funds/ideas to start his own company, be his own boss, and pay his own bills?
if you wanted, you could turn it around and say that technically heās waiting on you to tell him when he can and canāt smoke/eat, as youāre the one paying for everything. 
turn it around on his ass.
Your roles are reversedā¦ and you have allowed it because you have such a good heart.
You are his parent -
DO NOT by him one more thing ā¦ not even a good, used car. Lay it out and yes, drop him off at the shelter; they have funds to pay for food, etc. When you do tell him you love him and he is welcome to come visit for a few hours, any time he calls and it is convenient 
1 Like
What relationship? You donāt have one. He has one. Itās a relationship with your pocketbook, your open door hotel and whatever else he uses you for. Not fair to you or your children. It says in the Bible let those who not work not eat. Put him out. His lifestyle is by his own choice. When he gets hungry he will find a way to eat. He is a free loader and loving every minute of it.where is your mother? Ask her why she is not with him.
2 Likes
Listen to your Mom - he is a leech.
1 Like
Sounds like a rolling stone never had responsible for things when he was younger .heās never going to change
2 Likes
I feel like alot of the people responding. You have a family to take care of and you canāt let him bring you down. You have to do whatās best for you. Sorry dad but you have to go.
1 Like
Itās Your choice to be in this position. Heās capable of everything it sounds. But He chooses not to. I believe thatās his problem. Thereās options and heās a burden to you and he can help himself.
You need to be realistic with yourself too.
If he refuses to contribute, heās gotta go. You have your kids to care for.
1 Like
What a leech. I only have 2 kids i imagine itās bloody expensive feeding and raining 5. Heāll take the job and contribute to the house he is staying at or he can get out on his cheap ass.
Tell him to sort his shit out
If u keep letting him live with u then ur relationship will be over anyway! He needs to take care himself!
Drop him off at a homeless shelter.
Sounds like your dad never had to grow up, he needs to put up or shut up. It is pass time for him to take responsibility for himself. He gotta go.
My dad wasnāt around when i was younger we get on now, i could never see him out living in a car ect but thatās me! Tell him he needs to buy his own stuff? X