Does anyone else struggle with knowing if they want to be a mom or not? I have an 11-month-old boy; I love him. But sometimes I don’t want to be a mom; I wish I had my old life back (it wasn’t lavish or anything, I just had freedom). My son has been described as a “unicorn” baby; he sleeps 12 hrs a night, hardly ever cries, and is always happy! Yet I am still having a hard time, and would rather he play by himself than interact with him. When I try to interact with him, I lose interest so quickly; I am worried he isn’t getting enough stimulation and will fall behind. I don’t feel like I am a bad mom, but I don’t think I am a good mom. My husband works 12 hr shifts, so he is gone a lot. We moved to a new city while pregnant for his work, I know very few people here, and the family is multiple hrs away. I start work at the end of this month and I am very excited about my new job, but it is causing a lot of stress around childcare because of the atypical hours. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s worth it.
Many moms feel this way… U are not alone…
Many of us feel this way, but if it does get in the way please talk to ur dr you could have undiagnosed postpartum depression once I got antidepressant mine is starting to get better
Definitely not alone in that feeling!
The first year is always the hardest, because of how dependent babies are on you. It may not be so much that you don’t want to be a mom, as it is you need some time to yourself to recharge. It’s extremely important to take care of yourself, so you are in a healthy place to take care of your family. I hope it gets better.
I feel like you may have some depression . Do you work outside the home ? Do you go to the gym ? These things will help you . I am a gramma now but i didnt enjoy the early baby years of motherhood . Too much dependence on me . But as they got older i loved it . Now i miss it .
My youngest are 15. I have twins and I still feel that way sometimes
Your mind and body have gone through so much. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It will absolutely be worth it, you just have to push through the hard parts. You sound like a young mom who’s in an unfamiliar place with not much support. Maybe try finding mom groups on Facebook, you’d be surprised how many women have open arms and are going through the same situation. Or maybe seeing a doctor could be beneficial? Sometimes the chemical imbalance in our brains cause us to feel and think things and we have no control over it no matter what we do. You won’t be the first person to feel like this and you won’t be the last. Hang in there.
Alot of new moms go through this and its most likely post partum depression. You should talk to you obgyn about how you feel withdrawn. Its very very common. Post partum can last a few years not just months. As long as you reach out for help youre doing the right thing. If you can get a sitter there do it at least once a week and go do things just for you! You deserve it!
Don’t be to hard on yourself. Every mother faces these thoughts and feelings. Post-partum plays a lot into it and can last a while. Especially when you made an already life change by moving to a place where you don’t know many people. Job hours… you already have stress to begin with.
I have 4 children and all under 10. I know exactly what you mean because sometimes I play the, “what if” in my head from time to time. It’s okay but as for the baby, I would think of the moment I had them. What it felt like… the creation that myself and significant other had done and feel such happiness. Yes, I could’ve gone another route but, knowing that I’ve given life to something so beautiful over powers those thoughts.
You’re not just a mother but a woman with feelings. You’re more than that. You can still do things you wanted to do before that child. You just gotta give more to someone else. It’s stressful but you can do it. Take that baby with you and reconnect.
You can do it.
I suggest finding a counselor. You wouldn’t want this to affect your son. He will feel this disinterest and it will cause it’s emotional damage if you don’t get some help with it. Good luck.
I would talk to your dr it could be post partum depression.
Sounds like post partum depression… This can last for up to 3 years… Maybe you need a break to miss the baby… Get away for 4 hours and the baby will be all you think about… Sometimes, i think every mom goes through this in a way… You wake up tired, exhausted, and just not really wanting to do anything… Talk to a counselor if it gets worse… Definetly get a baby sitter for 4 hours, go out, get your freedom back… I know for a fact you’ll miss your baby… You must be a stay at home mom…
we have all been through it. i have 3 kids and still think about it. life could be so much easier without kids. but at the end of the day i love them. but watch yourself. it could be post partum depression as well. you do need to find a job at least part time to get out of the house and have adult stimulation and you will also gain friends from it. it gets hard being home alone with a baby all day. I’ve done it. in a city with nobody i know around as well. mentally it drives you nuts. we all need adult interactions.
Sorry but u should of thought about that before having a child 🤷and I DNT understand how any one could feel that way but that’s me
I’m a stay at home mom prior I worked 2 jobs had a fun social life and now its total opposite. I love the kids but some days I just want my old life back. Just take some alone time or something to help you recharge. It will also help you are going back to work. Being away will help you miss the baby!!!
Please get help. Sounds like post pardum depression. Prayers you will be better soon.
I had no one …each and everytime I had a child. I thought SUPPORT. Turned to taking everything I lived for.
U might have post partum depression
Totally understandable. Hopefully your new job will make a difference , make you feel more independent
This does NOT make you a bad Mom. You are human. You feel. You cry. You worry. Work will be good for you. I finally went back to work when my son turned 20 and my daughter 18. I cannot tell you how rewarding it was to get my independance back for one. And i found me again. I was still mom but i became Elaine again. Sometimes we need that for ourselves. We tend to push ourselves away from the reflection in the mirror because others need us.
Also maybe look into a therapist or someone just to vent to. Post partum is very sneaky but so so important to address. This may be part of it.
But honey you are NOT a bad mom. You’re only human. Be gentle on yourself. Sending prayers for you and your baby:heart:
I’ve been there get help you might still be going through post pardom talk to someone get as much family support as you can and give lots of love to your little one he needs you
“NO BASHING” is what the post first said…
All Moms have their doubts. Maybe you can find a group of new Mom’s like yourself. Through a Church or Rec Center or if there is a playgroup like Gymboree. Helps when others truly understand how you feel and you get some adult conversation. It is hard when you feel alone and face it, a 11 month old is not a great conversationalist!
It sounds like depression. You can do this mama. Talk to your doctor though?
Get a sitter to give your self that little mom time and the sitter will make sure to give him the time he needs.
We’ve all felt this way at one point…I survived four and lived for my alone time, even if it was just a bubble bath. Being a mom is the hardest job you’ll ever do but also the most rewarding. Don’t be so hard on yourself and never feel guilty about taking some time for yourself, or feeling like you just want to run away. Every parent needs time to recharge their batteries! Look for a support group that you can attend it really helps to know you’re not alone and to have a non judgemental place to unload your feelings! Plus it gives you a place to go and get away and make new friends. You will get through this, promise! Hugs
Postpartum can last for over a year. Speak to your doctor about how youre feeling. Might be part of postpartum depression and you dont even realize it.
Women that are on here bashing this lady… That’s pathetic… We all are not perfect… Breaks, breaks are very important while being mom… You have a baby screaming and crying in your face all day… Bottle washing never ends… Dishes never end… Diaper changes seem like forever… And all you have is a crying baby, and 4 walls surrounding you… Day in, day out… Every day… Every single day… You never get to walk to your car with just keys once you go into labor instead it becomes baby, diaper bag, and everything else you have to remember including your sanity… Its very rough being a first time mom… If you are NOT tired, exhausted, stressed… Then you are NOT doing it right !!! If you are tired, exhausted, and stressed then you’re probably a good mom… Js
You sound so lonely😢First of all the very fact your worrying about this means you are a great mother!!! People that don’t care don’t worry…try and find local playgroups,soft plays ect…I’m a really experienced mum( 2,11,16,24,25,26)and nothing lasts longer than a day alone in the house.Do what you can to get out,even a stroll round the supermarket breaks up the day xx your doing fab don’t forget that xx
My babygirl just turned 1 n for the last year she wakes up atleast 6 to 10 times every night … it’s a nightmare n the postpartum depression makes it really worse, at times I just wanna give up n run away
Hang in there babes it’ll get better soon🤗
I feel this way.
I was kind of thrown into motherhood. I’m the one that should be on that show didnt know I was pregnant. I didnt know I was prego till I was in labor. i totally understand how you feel. Cause there are times where I’m just like let me sleep leave me alone. But at the some time I adore and love my child.
I find taking breaks when you can and going to work doesnt count. Running around doing errands you need a break to just sit back and breathe.
Maybe you need to seek help
Talk to your doctor. It is most likely PPD (post partum depression). They will not judge you, they hear this kind of thing all the time! They really can help you. Trust in your ObGyn.
You could be having PPD. Get some help. Talk to your doctor, husband, friend, pastor. Make a few friends and keep them close. Take yourself out and do something for yourself. Self care is important when caring for someone else. You’ll get through it.
It sounds like a bit of depression and also you are doing alot of it yourself as your husband works and not much family it sounds a big overwelling
This could be post.pardum depression go see your doctor
It sounds like me some days find somthing you like to do together baby isstill young but you will get there join a mums and bubs group there’s no magic key to parenting just find a way to work it out for your family
And when you hit the wall, you are going to have baby rabies
Being a mother is a great gift, but don’t let people lie to you. Being a mother is a hard job and not very glamorous as people make it out to be. I’m sure you love him, but you are just going through missing everything. Try to make free time for yourself, and that will help you. And talk to your doctor because it could be postpartum depression. That’s nothing to mess around with.
First step is being aware . You are heading in the right direction asking for help. All these ladies have reach out with kind ’s. No bashing, n can relate. I pray for you n yours hun! Hope things find a way for you soon:heart:
Hopefully a job will help. I had 2 little ones to find daycare for & without family around you just about have to work first shift. Good luck.
Aw girl it’s called “baby blues” for a reason. It sounds like what you are missing is a social life! Everyone has had thoughts like this. It’s just your ego resisting change, tell your ego to fuck off. And forgive yourself for having the sane thoughts we all have had Also starting work will help, meeting other mom’s and play dates (with and without your children) will help. But there’s no harm in talking to a doctor, i had post pardom for like 18 months
Yes mam. I felt that way … I myself I was single the dad didn’t give a hoot. Icouldn’t handle being a mom … I adopted my son to a great family a Christian family , and he had a brother. They put him thru college and he’s a very successful man now. I did the right thing at the time … but he has 2 beautiful kids now that I don’t get to call my grandkids. My choice I made determined my fate as I’m gettin older older and lonely. Be careful what you wish for. Seek psychiatric help
sounds like depression to mi
It sounds like post-partum depression… get help asap.
Why have a child if u dont want him. U should know how it feels to grow up knowing u are not wanted. Give that child to someone who will love him before u distroy him. Then keep your legs closed and dont have another child to distroy. I grew up unwanted. It sucks
Unfortunately, i believe this is a normal part of mother hood.
And for the ones saying… if you didn’t want him, why have him… she never said she didn’t want him. She said. Sometimes, i don’t know if i want to be a mother.
And that is a respectable comment to make.
She’s worried she’s not showing enough interest, or giving him the stimulation he may require.
I mean hell, ive worried i haven’t fed mine enough fruits and vegetables as young children… did i read to them enough, did they learn everything they needed to be productive young adults. Mind you mine are 17, 16, and 12.
We as nothers(as parent’s) question every aspect of being perfect. Society had made it where we can’t say things like. I don’t know if i want to be a mother. Would you rather her say, i wish i had killed him?
Or if he were to die?
Or if i were to die?
In the end. Its a need for help. It may look like weakness to some. And that’s fine. They don’t pay or feed you or your child, they don’t sexually fulfill you. So. I wouldn’t worry with those that base. Seeking help may be the route you have to take.
No one admits that putting everything you have into your kids, actually sucks the life out of you.
The whole “its a dream life being a mum” bullshit, is only true after the fact for some of us.
Your exhausted every night, did I do enough, teach enough, say the right things.
As a single parent who got mine into Uni.
Almost had a breakdown by the time they’d finished high school.
And don’t really like other peoples kids much,
Some are extra sweet, but mostly, I’m so over it.
Admitting yourself in social media is of great courage knowing you will be humiliated is a great ton of courage.You are a great mom,many mothers feel the same ,i felt that ,too.It is post partum…even if theres nothing to worry we are worrying a lot…this feeling will pass soon.once you got to know what you are experiencing ,you can control your emotions and your lonely surroundings to s happy place.motherhood is hard,stablished a health habit ,it helps a lot.vitamins that gives energy will help…anything that pleases you just do it…when there is a sudden change of routine in our life,we will feel somewhat stress but that is normal and it is good you can observe the changes …by that you can find solution to manage things
My kids are 8 and 10. I still feel like I don’t properly love them enough. I’ve talked to a few friends about it and came to the conclusion that I didn’t feel love when I was a kid. Mom did her best but with the childhood I had, love is one emotion that is hard for me to show. The fact you are aware is great, but if you never give up and keep being a great mom, everyone wins.
Seriously its a normal thing. If you feel like you need someone to talk to do so. Take care
You need help you have post natal depression seek out a medical professional that can help you more than likely added to this by shifting and losing your support network get help so you can enjoy motherhood😭
Let someone have him before something bad happens. And get Fixed where you CANNOT CONCEIVE. Guessing your husband has NO KNOWLEDGE of THIS.
Everything youvare going through sounds like (PPD) postpartum depression. I know there are a few books on the subject which may help . Maybe you can talk to your doctor and ask if there is a mental health professional they can refer you to. I hope you bounce back
Part post natal depression part just a big change. Try getting out of the house on walks. Join a playgroup if you can to mix with other mums & buns. Love him as much as you can he will be grown up before you know it.
Down came the rain by Brooke Shields, This isn’t what I expected by Karen R. kleiman M.S.W
Valerie D Raskin M.D.
Postpartum depression and anxiety a guide for mothers
Here’s some books on the subject, I hope they help.
It’s definitely worth it! And once he gets a little older, you will enjoy being a mother more❤️I’m going to put you and your little man in prayer…things will work out, just remember to make time for you also😊and ignore all the negative Nellies
You are a wonderful mom because you worry about your child and you know something is wrong. Start your day in prayer and push yourself. It will all be worth it soon. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you are overwhelmed. Find some time to take care of you also. Tight hugs queen. Keep on going.
Maybe join a local playgroup to get you both out of the house. You’ll connect with other Mums who are going through the same thing. Good luck hun.
I’d suggest a doctor to see if you are suffering from depression or just need outside interest. No one tells kids that adult life is the same ole thing every day with a sprinkle of wow once in a blue moon. You sound like you are postpartum…get checked to be safe.
This is depression go talk to your doctor ASAP !
Join the FB group that are local, news, radio, main St., so you and baby can go to events and you can find mom friends. And check out the daycares, preschools, and dog parks. Hell get him a puppy. Did us a lot of good. I have 4 kids, I didn’t need a 70 lb dog, but when dad brought him home he turned into my bff.
Millions of women have felt the way you do. It’s called post partum depression and it’s not your fault. It can be treated so please see your doctor right away. And keep your head up.
Post-partum depression big time, go get help
Should of thought about that b4 u brought a innocent child into this world stop being selfish and if mother good is to much for you there is a lot of ppl in this world who would love to have a child. So being said think long n hard about this n make the right decision of being a mother or give him to someone who will love and interact with him b4 u end of hurting that innocent child just saying
POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION It doesn’t happen to everyone and if you don’t talk about it with someone you would NEVER realize it. You’re brave to reach out. I had it and didn’t even realize it until my husband pointed it out, I felt disconnected to my child etc. The whole getting bored quick when playing with them will probably never go away I think as adults we just grew out of it that’s just a torture we endure. Talk to your doctor, be honest tell them what you’re feeling and they will prescribe medication. The medication won’t help instantly it takes a few weeks so don’t feel like it’s not helping after a month be patient give yourself time and I promise one day you’ll wake up and actually start being more involved and you’ll get inspired by fb events to go out and take you and your baby to and you’ll surprisingly have fun. Then you’ll not feel so defeated when you have to take the baby to the grocery store etc. We ALL get it. I had it with my first child and I told my doctor I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up! Like every morning I was disappointed at the fact that I woke up! I did not get it with my second child. STAY STRONG!
Take the job! Work childcare out on a day by day or week by week basis if that’s what it takes. You need the time to go out and feel accomplished beyond being a mother. I went through the same thing, my son is now almost 10 months and I went back to work when he was 7 months, best decision ever! Childcare and work sometimes adds an extra stress but the feeling of accomplishment I feel in myself, and the break from “just being a mom” is well worth it! My job lets me know how much I am appreciated which is also a refreshing change from home life, let’s be honest, our family loves us and what we do for them but we don’t always get recognition at home.
Wow really? I sometimes miss the freedom part but never ever would i ever regret having my child… i feel blessed and so happy to have him… and even though it gets to be a lot some times and im tired… even stressed at times… but hell Yes it’s worth it… it would break my heart if he wasn’t around now… im looking forward to getting a job but also am a little nervous about not seeing him all day… i know that i will get use to it but because i am always with him i know that i am going to miss him terribly… he is always climbing on me and hugging me… such a mummys boy its heartbreaking to know that there are some mums out there that actually feel that way… i mean how? I will never understand it!
Me too… Sometimes I have this feeling of guilt that If I do some errands I don’t bother leaving my 2 mos old baby with her uncles. I feel that I wasn’t a good mom. I feel asleep every time I need to feed or stimulating her. I’m in a rush fir ger growth coz I wanted my life back… I’m a crazy mom.
I enjoy living child free! It is the best feeling in the world! Good luck!
If you’re not sure, don’t. If you bring a life into this world, it’s too late to think about what you want at that point. Be real. Parenting is not for fun.
Thats a normal part of being a mom post partum and also stressed out things get easier i know you feel overwhelmed but you have people that love you and will help you
My boys are 21 and 17. There have been times in my life that I wanted to run away from them…not for lack of love but because I did not think I was worthy of this incredible journey…I did not think I could be the mom they needed. I did not think I could raise them alone. There are so many doubts that come along with motherhood. Your life becomes a daily roller coaster. As the days turned to months to years…I finally got it. We are not perfect humans and we each travel our own paths… our children do too! Each day is new and full of new experiences. You will teach them and learn from them…one day you will look at your little child who has grown taller than you and realize that you did a good job…even on the hard days and in the midst of chaos…you were there holding their hand. It will show. You will know and you will be proud! Your feelings are not unusually…post partum depression is real…treatable… sometimes just talk therapy helps…reach out as you have here. You are not alone.
Maybe go talk to a doctor. Could be PPD! I’ve personally never felt that way. I LOVE being a mom and wouldn’t change a thing. Maybe talk to someone if you can? A counsellor or something? I personally don’t think those thoughts are normal… I hope it all works for you
You sound like post partum depression speak with a doctor
I would speak to your doctor, that sounds like post partum depression. A lot of people feel this way, but I would definitely speak to the doctor about how you are feeling
Sounds like postpartum. I still have it after 4 years & I just had my second baby. It gets better trust me! When they’re older they get more fun.
Sounds like maybe some untreated PPD.
My kids stress me out and it’s rarely easy (mom of 6 here)
But no, I have never regretted having any of my children.
Sounds like ppd actually. Talk to your dr
Yeaaahhh… you need to get to a doctor cuz if having such an easy baby still makes youbfeel this way… something is incredibly wrong…
sounds like postpartum depression. see a doctor & get on meds. keep your head up, you have a boy who needs you
Definitely could be PPD… it doesn’t always happen right after birth, many cases happen around 6 months to a year! Def talk with a doctor!
I feel this sooo much
It’s hard to adjust, its frustrating and it does change your life. Maybe you can speak to a doctor about PPD. I hope you find some help and comfort soon
Try seeing a therapist or a doctor and letting them know how you feel. PPD is real and shows itself in many different ways. With all the changes your mentioning, it may make it harder. Hope you find some kind of relief!
I don’t think it’s you not wanting to be his mom. It’s more of you feeling like you lost yourself. You will get through it. Join mommy groups. take a walk. Have a day just for you. I promise it gets better.
maybe she doesn’t have ppd, maybe she just genuinely feels this way? but feels bad as she can’t change it because her son is now born ect! maybe motherhood isn’t what she expected at all, maybe this is her feelings towards mothering and nothing to do with depression.
Oh dear mama,
I have felt this on more than one occasion and have been lately. I have a 2 and a 4 year old. I love them to pieces, but I am questioning my ability to stay hone with anymore. There is such a mental load in doing so…I desperately miss my old life in the sense of feeling like a person, an individual. I do suffer with anxiety, depression, PTSD and OCD, so often I feel like a prisoner. My advice, you need to take care of you first in order to be the best version of yourself for you, your husband and your little one. Motherhood is difficult, but it is so worth it. Go talk to a counselor.
Never felt like that. I’d talk to your doctor.
It may be post partum and you may need to see your dr!
Give him to someone who will appreciate him or go get some mental help
PPD. It can take the Joy’s out of parenthood. But at the same time, every parent has that moment of missing their old life. But we all know we wouldn’t change being parents for the world.
I think it’s normal to be overwhelmed with the responsibility at times. I have a 19 and 6 year old…and I sometimes joke that motherhood is not for me. If it’s an every day thing…I’d talk to your doctor of course. Pristiq has worked wonders for me.
Definitely sounds like PPD I’d talk to your dr and see if they can start you in medication and see if that will help out with the way your feeling. I felt like that with my last one and it kept getting worse and worse
We’ve all been here. Take care of yourself too and you will get back on track.
go see a dr post partum is real! And i think during my kids teenage years man i wanted a redo
I love the moms that think because THEY haven’t felt like it…that its not “normal” …. PPD is very normal. don’t be ashamed. talk to your doctor, youre not the first!!
It sounds like you’re dealing with postpartum depression. It is very common. First, please don’t be hard on yourself or feel like you’ve done anything wrong. It does not mean you do not love your son, or that you’re a bad mom. Self health and self care are very important, especially when raising a little one. You can try talking to a friend or family member that you trust and can confide in, if not, resort to professional help. I know motherhood is hard, and with everything else life throws at us, sometimes can feel like a stessor, but it is always worth it. Just remember, your son loves you no matter what. take a little break if you need to. But you got this, Mama!
I’m not a doctor, so I can’t say it is or isn’t PPD. I am a mother of 3, and I know this feeling all too well! I used to have such a fun, adventurous life before kids. Since becoming a mother, that has obviously come to a halt. I find it hard to interact also, and some days I feel like a terrible mom. I don’t have a ton of advice, it may be PPD, or it could just be that you’re having a hard time adjusting to your new life (like me). Your family is far away, you’re away from your spouse, and you’re trying to raise another little human. It’s not easy adjusting. Some women can easily, but you and I, we struggle. Just love that baby while he/she is little and try to stay positive about your new life! You got this!!