*NO BASHING* *TRIGGER WARNING* My ex abused me: What else can I do?

Stay with someone he doesn’t know until you are able to move to a different town/state. Identity other safe houses. Get a new phone or new phone number. You can also have a different name show up on calls. Change your name. Paint your car a different color & get different tags or trade in for a different car. Dye your hair a different color & get a haircut. Get different outerwear from a thrift store.

Get a new job as soon as you can if you work. Alert your place of work and your coworkers to be on the lookout for him & that he could be armed & dangerous. HR should have procedures for this—he is a dangerous intruder.

Change daycare/schools if child goes. Alert the school that he is dangerous and should never have access to your child. At some point look up “escape school” & send him in case he is ever kidnapped. Can you change his name?

Be very careful with social media though best not to use it at all. Tell friends you are going into hiding and cut off contact for a while. Only eventually give your address and phone to people you can trust not to reveal anything if this monster threatens them. Make sure any friends he knows about take precautions against him too.

Get therapy for you both & join support groups. Sadly, you are not alone in your situation.

I’m so sorry you have had to endure this. We should have re-education camps for these violent people, but the U.S. didn’t even vote to continue the Violence Against Women Act. :rage: Good luck. I will pray for you and your child.


Keep your son away from him get a restraining order against him

I say a restraining order AND a gun. Get your license to carry, take a gun safety course and practice shooting at a range as much as possible.

Stay with your Family they’re doing the right thing and it seems like they are a good support system for you and baby.

Get a restraining order and a weapon OMG hunny u don’t deserve this I’m so sorry

Cut his breaks. Antifreeze in his tea might work? Push him into a wood chipper.


Do you really need to ask?

I’m not saying you should shoot that motherfucker if he comes near you again, but…

He has shown you who he is
Believe him. He will not change and don’t believe him if he says he has.


Well first of all you are brave and strong but my sister was in same kind of relationship with her husband then after he died with a boyfriend and he almost killed her but he beat her so bad her eye had to have surgery and now she has problems in her face and eye and nose but she always went back and he never changed neither one of them her husband and then boyfriend but now her daughter is in same kind of marriage no one can tell you what to do you have to do that on your own but you must stay strong and brave for your child and at least you have your family around and always the lord

1 Like

No contact with him ever. Get counseling for yourself at a women’s shelter. They have a lot if resources available to you.
Most abusers are narcissist. Find out a lot about this disorder. I read articles on Quora.
Lawyer up or have one available.
Get your child custody in order and all the documents done now.
Get protective orders and restraining orders. If he ever gets visitation make sure these are supervised.
Move far away from him.
Work on improving yourself and bettering your life and your child’s.

1 Like

Leave him it only gets worse… and move away…

Do what Helen said. Run

Restraining order, pfa, dont have any contact. No judge in their right mind would let him take that child.

Once they do that they don’t change. Get a restraining order and make sure you and your baby are safe. Camera outside with motion sensor lights.


Make a safety plan, Restraining order, file for sole custody, and move out. Go to a domestic violence shelter if needed and they can help with all of that. Leave not just for you but for the baby. Men who abuse their partners are likely to abuse their children also. Your child could also be taken by CPS if you stay for putting him/her in an unsafe environment.


Been there, this advice is bang on. Take your child and move far away


Seriously leave before he kills you and your baby. LEAVE NOW!!!


Stay away from him leave if you can somewhere else you don’t deserve to be treated like that that by no one

First let me sythat I am so sorry for what you have been through. I know it is scary and hard but I am going to be real. Get a protection order for you and the baby. Never ever take him back. Guarantee he will not change. Take self defense classes but do not hit him with something to protect yourself. I don’t know what state you live in but if you use a force greater than what he uses you will be arrested. Not fair I know. So if he punches you and you hit him with an ashtray, you will be charged. Once you get primary custody find a domestic violence shelter and ask them to help you relocate. That is the only way you will be safe. Watch who you tell where you are going. It might be wise to not say anything to anyone for a while. That way they don’t have to lie. If you are still living with him, please be careful. Everyone is saying leave and that is great but that can be the most fatal time for a victim. Pack a to- go bag and put it in your trunk with all your personal papers, credit cards, SS cards, birth certificates cash, anything of major importance, an change of clothes for you and the baby, some diapers and formula. Because if you have to run you don’t have to search for anything you get the baby and go. I tell you this as a survivor and I worked in domestic violence for 20 years. Part of the time was counseling women in a shelter and these are things I would tell any victim.

1 Like

A good support system is key. Family… Realizing he isnt going to ever be the man you were first in love with is an eye opener. Your children need you show them how strong you are and teach your son how to really treat a woman. You can do this you can survive him his abuse his control… Break free !
Of course follow all these wonder advises on courts and custody. Def keep any evidence and stay up today on keeping records too. Prayers are with you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help…EVER!

This is a murder in the making. I always wonder who raises these trash men. Like who raised them and how TF do they end up this way?

Go missing… the legal system won’t do shit for you. I had to do this once.

if you kill his dumb ass when he goes to sleep problem solved

Leave while you still can !

Protection order, divorce and get as far from him as possible as soon as possible! Have as little contact as possible for you and your son!

Have some of your guy friends beat his ass and then dismiss him.

Walk and do not be afraid. Be with God. He does not want you abused. Go to a shelter. I know you are scared and still love him but he doesn’t love you or himself.


I had to move away from everything and everyone I knew to get away from mine. It was hard. My kids were grown though so it was just me. But I tried where we lived and he kept finding me.


Purchase yourself a nice pistol and learn how to use it. Protect yourself and your son, at all costs!

See if you can get into a home away from where he can find you change your name Move to another state if you can but stay away from him get a camera to take pictures if he comes around Protect yourself at all cost


i agree with Lois Stevens. you gotta do whatever it takes to keep him away! whatever it takes!


I may get a lot of backlash for this BUT do whatever you gotta do to protect yourself & child. Whether it be getting a gun(legally) or a taser. Protect yourself at all costs. I don’t want to come across as harsh but, Order of protection, restraining orders, good cause are all just pieces of paper. Keeping you in my prayers :disappointed:


Maybe self defense classes as an additional thing. Will help build your self confidence again as well. Self defense can hel you be more alert as well.

1 Like

There’s plenty of safe haven houses to go to .I’ve been through it with my mom . You need to get away and go to a safe haven house which is best for you and your son .


I am sorry this happened, but you can never trust him. Once those doors open where he feels comfortable hitting you it won’t end. Get help by using the resources available to you. Go to DSHS and ask what is available for someone trying to leave and stay away from a abusive relationship. There are a lot of programs and therapy available. Stay strong :muscle: you deserve so much more.


Before you arm yourself please get your conceal and carry license. In some states you can’t carry a gun without it. Don’t get into a legal problem because you carried the weapon outside of your home, even if it was used for self defense.


Buy a weapon and learn how to use it then get a permit to carry it


Pray. Pray without ceasing. I’m so incredibly sorry. My husband beats me when he gets drunk. Last time was while I was holding our son. I’m praying with you.


Move away and change your name if you can

Move. I never got peace till I was on the other side of the country. And spent alot of time hiding where I was. But make sure you get the custody papers straight first.

When I got married my mother gave me a cast-iron frying pan. She then said "he must sleep at some time. If he ever lays a hand on you, use it on him while he sleeps. Thank the GODS I’ve never had to use it. Search out help in your area. A church or the police should be able to direct you. Good luck and I pray you get your son out of there ASAP.


i left as a i saw swing coming at me…so should you!!!

1 Like

Get away from him. For both your and child’s sake. It will get worse.

You are Fine China,don’t let anyone treat you like a Paper Plate. A restraining is just a piece of paper.If your parents can help you,take a class & get your CCW,the class will show/help you on how to use it,even after you pass the class,it still takes 4 months to get it in the mail,you can’t carry till you have it,& it’s not all cheep,the class,the background check,& picking out a gun,you like,that fits you & your comfortable with,on the cheep side is $500.00,after you get it,go to the range & practice once a month.

I hope your reading all the comments under Kristen ortiz comments. There is some good advice there and it will benefit you to follow it.

Get rid of him for good I lived that nightmare 3 times now I got a great man take care of you and your child prayers

1 Like

I’m sorry you are going through this.

First you have to decide if you are going to allow him to keep coming back in and out of your life.
That is a decision you have to decide on your own nobody can make it for you. We can only share our experience and advice.

As a 15 year domestic violence survivor, in my experience things didn’t get better EVER. And I left several times, I moved 12 times in 15 years… he always found us and the kids always let him in the house. I loved him so much I thought every time he came back it would be different. He finally left us for good and remarried.

Btw Technically you cannot keep him from your child, even if he has a history of domestic violence and abuse against you the courts will not see it as violence against the child. You can petition the court for supervised visits. And a mediator so you don’t have to see or speak to each other.

If you want a restraining order, I can advise you to not respond to his phone calls and text messages. Forward them to a separate email address (for court purposes)
Do not post anything on social media. Do not bash him in any way to the police or courts (you will end up just looking like the scorn dumped woman)

Have at least one confidant that can and will testify on your behalf

Put every ugly detail in a journal.
This will help you begin healing

Love yourself enough to put yourself first. You have to take care of yourself, So you can be around to be here for your child

Happy mom. Happy kid. (It took me years to learn this)

God bless you :purple_heart:


Get far away. Please. Find the help you need while you have your mind straight and quietly leave. Don’t look back.

You know anyone with connections to someone who would be willing to beat the crap out of him? I knew a woman whose daughter was in a similar situation. She had family in a gang. The rest is what you expect. He never came near her again bc she was now “protected”.

Holy CRAP LADIES! STOP TAKING IT! WHAT THE HELL! I’VE READ 2 WOMEN ON HERE GET BEAT REGULARLY! Do you like it? I knew a chick that liked it. 6 husbands later she shot him dead and only served 3 years then got his life insurance and disappeared. When he sleeps thump him with something metal hard and get out. Sweet Jesus!


I am a domestic violence survivor. Protect yourself and your child at all costs. Offenders often ‘walk through’ those paper protectors. Arm yourself , take self defense classes. If he is like most offenders he will come for you again…be ready.

Hit him back with a marble rolling pin

1 Like

Buy something for protection And please stop going back it will never stop. Get help, always tell people where you are 24/7, leave go as far as you can. You need to protect yourself and your son at ALL COST.

Call House of Ruth which is an organization to help battered and abused women start over safely.

An op is a joke . if a man wants to hurt you he will . this man is a monster . take all precautions … Change your names . move to another state . take a good self defense class . dont leave a forwarding adress . get into a shelter for abused women that can help you .make sure you have a good paper trail on him of all the physical abuse . find new friends . show them your ex pic and ask them to warn you if they ever see him .if he beats you once this will only get worse my gut instict is run .

1 Like

Did they open a cps investigation especially since he did this in front of/around the child?
Make sure there is record of the abuse around the child. If cps gets involved they will request he not be allowed around you or the child unsupervised until he completes a case plan.
I don’t like to give advice to leave because that could be dangerous. What I can suggest is know what you are dealing with and plan before making any moves. Be very careful because making a drastic move without preparation could be dangerous. Keep good record of his abuse especially if it results in any physical injuries or damages. Make sure your plan does not involve anything obvious, like going to stay with a family member. He knows where they are and also you don’t want them to be in danger also (they may hold it against you)
Separate your money, your phone info, email accounts, social media etc. So he does not manipulate your accounts.
Good luck

Every situation is different. When my ex abused me the only way I was able to get away 100% was having my number change, block on all social media’s, change all my account info (email, amazon, xbox, PlayStation), and leave a job where I stayed out of the area he lived in. I’ve not seen him in two years

Get a gun. Next time he tries to beat you shoot him in self defense


I have heard when a wife or girl friend gets pregnant by her significant other a craziness appears. The man feels like they are going to get all your attention. I believe that is true. I am so sorry he beat u. I do understand that. Myself I was a teenager my mom just married her new husband. Everything was good for a few months then he change. My mom had a hysterectomy she couldn’t move much, back those days it was a major surgery. Long story short her husband saw that I was waiting on my mom cause she was sick. He went over to her started punching her in the face she was helpless. I got between him and my mom then hecattack me. I had very long hair and he drag me across floors my head bleeding. I was swearing at him and he finally let go. I tended to my mom I told her we have to go get out of here. The next few dats we found a apartment another town it was good for few months then he found us. We had seven locks on door. The next week we sold every thing except cloths. We pack up car which we were living in Rockland CT but moved back to maine. There I took out protection order he couldn’t come even teb feet near us. He made it horrible for us. Eventually my mom divorce him. More locks and slept ine eye open. When my mom past 2014 she still fear him which only made me agree. I kept saying he will get his but not yet. Good luck with ur baby and ur life

Saying prayers for you and your Baby, NO woman should put up with that!

Get far away from him. Don’t let him know where you are…

I agree :100: with Kristen Ortiz .buy a gun

Sue him!!! Plus, get a Restraining Order on him.


1 Like

divorce the bastard and try to make a new life for yourself and your son

I would really just stay away from him he is very load down yo do that he not a man he a piece of shit

Gather your village for support. Don’t be alone, if able!! File restraining order and at the least get you a taser.


Choose your child’s safety :heart: for him to put his hands on you after you delivered his child is not okay. Don’t let him out, let him go completely! No negative/ toxic energy


Get you something to protect yourself and your son don’t be afraid use it on him he will leave you alone

1 Like

File a restraining order and press charges and call the police any time he tried to contact you :heart: I’m sorry you’re going thru this


Get a gun and keep it on you at all times! If hes already that bad, it could only take one more time to kill you.

:disappointed_relieved:protect yourself and your child. Walk away, no, RUN! All that matters is that baby. You take care of yourself and your child.


This will probably be looked down on but girl buy something to protect yourself and your child! A restraining order and the police can only do so much. You need to make sure you can protect that baby as well as yourself should the situation arise. Dont get me wrong. File and go through all the steps you can, but dont be left unprotected and unprepared.


Start a new life that doesn’t include him. Have a RO on file, get a concealed carry permit if youre that fearful


Ive been through this with my ex. Its nit easy. We have a daughter together. I finally got to the point of no return with him. I finally realized I deserved better and my daughter. He out his hands on me for the last time in 10/17. I kicked his ass out. Next day i filed for full custody and got it. Use all the resources there is to help you. He ended up beating up his girl friend after me and put her in the hospital. File a restraining order, change your phone #, move if possible. My ex dont know anything of my where abouts. Do everything possible to stay safe. :heart::heart:


Restraining order and if he signed the birth certificate get full custody

Good luck and God bless you both.

pepper sprsy will blind him. move to a different location.

I just want to start with saying I have skimmed the comments and I know I’m going to repeat what many have said, as I agree with the advice that has been given. With that being said, my personal advice as someone who has been in your shoes, PLEASE contact your local DV shelter. You do not have to live there, but call the hotline, get in with an advocate. Your advocate can help you get a restraining order. Yes, the restraining order is just a piece of paper, but it’s a start. They have support groups and counseling available. Safe housing if needed. Get yourself into a self defense class, carry whatever you feel comfortable with as a defense for yourself.

Run and NEVER LOOK BACK file a restraining order immediately and buy a gun in case make sure its self defense before you make that shot js

1 Like

I agree with Allie, but of u get something to protect urself know how to use it. A man that is abusive will always be abusive, don’t raise ur son in it, it will only teach ur son how to abuse. Good luck.:sleepy:

Those papers for don’t come near me don’t work. Atleast I found out back in early 1980s

Enough great advice here!

Good cause paper?? Is that a restraining order?

Go faraway from him. And don’t look back

Also if I was American I would have a firearm. Just saying.

1 Like

If possible I would like get a big protective dog

1 Like

Do everything you can to keep yourself and your son away from him. I wish I had more advice, but I hope you are both safe and you’re able to put him in jail. Press charges and cut off contact, restraining order and file for sole custody. Good luck momma! <3 Be strong for your little man <3

1 Like

Never believe his lies,he will never stop. Get away from him ,I don’t care what he says to you,that is not love. He will ne sorry everytime, even the last time. Get out and never look back.


do everything everyone has suggested. plus contact your local domestic violence shelter. they will help you with a lot of stuff. from helping you to get a job. housing. and most importantly counseling. sending you lots of love.

1 Like

You did enough by allowing him to put hands on you
I suggest you go to the county file a restraining order on him and file child support I wish I was a super hero I would fly out there and make sure you are safe cos you are not safe if he is not n jail

You need to go to the courts and file for full custody and get something to protect yourself. It sounds harsh saying this but some girls never learn and end up dead. LET THIS BE THE LAST TIME HE KICKS YOUR ASS! HE MAY BE THE BOYS FATHER BUT EVEN IF HE DOESNT ABUSE HIM SEEING A MAN ACT THAT WAY WILL CAUSE HIM TO TURN OUT TO DO THE SAME THING! I h
Know everyone wants that “family” image and people go back because they think they should but its not worth it. You have to wash your hands completely of him. Thanks for the baby batter to help create that little boy but dad can go kick rocks.

1 Like

It won’t let me see the comments when I click for some reason. But to the person suggesting she get a weapon…I understand where you’re coming from, but please see the statistics. Far more domestic violence victims are injured and have their own weapons used against them, than they are actually able to provide protection

1 Like

Went through the same shit almost 5 1/2 years ago now, but I got away when I was pregnant and met my current fiancé (who was there for my sons birth and all our doctors appointments from 6 months pregnant on and we have a 1 1/2 year old) , I had gotten a restraining order, he was only allowed to come visit my son 3 times with supervision but it ended shortly after because he couldn’t keep up his end of the bargain and got progressively more violent and smashed my living room window where my son was sleeping when he was very a few months old. He’s now in prison for attempted murder of his own father… and we moved to a safer place a few hours away from him, he has no parental rights and my fiancé is my sons legal guardian.

Self defense, get you a gun. Use it if you have too. That is a dangerous situation that you cant run from.

Just dont go back to him because it wont change anything. I’m sure you watch the news to know what could happen next and your child needs you. I also wouldn’t trust hin alone with the baby… get a restraining order and cameras for your house. If you cant afford the cameras then buy the doorbell one at least. And well idk maybe a small hand gun? Nowadays its NEEDED and we know it. Good luck!! Actions speak louder than words so dont let him fool you easily.

Get a legal carry permit, buy a gun and go get trained on how to use a firearm. Go no contact with him, do not even talk to him. Retraining order too, but that is just a piece of paper. Stay away from him and try to keep him away from you. Never let him see that baby again. Be aware of your surroundings and make sure you are not being followed, stalked, etc. You kinda gotta be paranoid and extra cautious. You are the only one who can really protect you and your child. You gotta be a smart, tough ass momma and do whatever it takes!! Do not be afraid to use a gun if you own and carry legally and your life is in danger. If you have to pull it on him, make sure you do not hesitate to shoot. He does not love you and he wouldn’t hestitate to kill you especially if you pull a gun out, so be ready. …and for those who do not agree, I have zero interest in discussing if a gun is good or bad. Guns are as good or bad as the people who use them. They are made for protection and hunting and do not choose how they are used because they are objects. People choose. That is all.

Get pfa on him.my xwife cheated on me and beat me but they gave her a pfa on me for 3 yrs and in 16 yrs together i never hit her but she constantly beat on me

I’d move so he doesn’t know where you are

Legal carry permit and firearm.