If there’s a maid and matron of honour, I suggest splitting all costs? Especially as bridezilla is requesting a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, and you’re paying for your outfits for the day. And if that isn’t happening, back out, tell her you’d love to be at the wedding still, but you cannot afford all the parties SHE wants
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If someone wanted me in their bridal party that would require money on my part I’d have to decline as much as I wouldn’t want to or might be embarrassed. We struggle to get by just on bills alone. I could do what was needed for a dress for me but even with a years notice I don’t think I could swing expensive clothes for my whole family let alone the costs of parties. It’s unfortunate but it is what it is
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If you can’t do you you can’t do it. Don’t go in debt for someone else’s dream.
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The mother of the bride or the mother in law throws the shower. The MOH throws the bachelorette party.
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Sounds like she is a little selfish and stingy . She is Not treating you fairly . Yeah it’s her wedding but to expect you to do all that and Not offer money to help . Can you ask her about it ? Best of luck .
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- I think its not fair of her to ask you to pay for your outfits. What if the dress she wants and colour she wants is not something you like then you stuck with something you bought but won’t ever wear.
- I have never heard of a bride asking to have these parties done unless she organises it herself seeing she already has a guest list out. Like the other lady said then she needs to pay. Because she already has a vision of how she wants the party to happen. Something we do in our country its called bring and braai. And it works very well. Braai being BBQ everyone bring there own meat drinks snacks and have a fun day. Thats if the party is not suppose to be fancy. Then the husbands can be at the BBQ while the girls inside busy with party
You can even do the both parties in one. Afternoon the BBQ then go club hopping or whatever from there the evening. Thats what a friend of mine did so the mothers and elderly could join then the evening all the youngsters went clubbing.
My bachelors was also similar we had a cake table setup with all friends and fam coming we did the gifts ens then the evening my maid of Honour hired a party bus that took us for a drive to town. Everyone bought their own xyz meaning drinks and snacks and we had a funtime on the openbus with music playing booze and snacks.
It does not have to be expensive eatery
I bought the materials for the dresses i wantedand payed for them aswel the style of the dress was all up to the girls as i wanted them to be happy aswell. I bought there jewellery aswell the only thing they bought was shoes
I’ve been a bridesmaid twice and we got all guests to pay x amount to share the load
Shouldn’t she be paying seen as its for her big day
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Don’t take the role if you can’t do it. Simple. She’s Entitled to ask for what she wants and if you can’t do it you can’t x
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Make it a pot luck and ask everyone to bring something to make a buffet with
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Your meant to budget for this in your wedding funds not expect other people to pay for your dream😵💫
Same as anyone who is bridesmaid who you expect to wear a dress. Xx
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I’m extremely confused by the amount of comments saying the bride should pay for her own shower and Bachlorette, I’ve literally never heard of that before. If anything the bridesmaids and/or her family members should be helping out but what’s the point of a bridal shower the bride has to pay for?
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That’s a lot of the reason I have to really think about being in someone’s wedding. I don’t think she knows or understands ur financial situation jus u don’t know anyone else’s. I would have to decline being in the wedding. U should have said it up front but it will only cause more issues n maybe even ruin a friendship so opt out
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It’s her wedding not yours
Why are you paying for HER bridal shower.
I’m planning my wedding now. I would NEVER expect someone else to pay for a party that I wanted…
She’s your best friend, talk to her
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Be honest and tell her you can’t afford it. This may mean not being in the bridal party but so be it. You can’t go broke on a wedding that isn’t yours.
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Any wedding I’ve ever been apart of, I paid for any clothing and paid for bridal/bachelorette parties; and it’s the same with anybody else I’ve known to be involved in a wedding as well. Of course that doesn’t mean it’s a rule or anything.
Your feelings are validated, I can completely understand your frustration and I think that a conversation about this should have happened prior to you accepting the role. I would try to talk to her about it, let her know that while you want to help as much as you can, you still have to think of your family and household first, & you can’t risk not paying bills or feeding your family for somebody else’s big day. I hope some kind of resolution happens. Good luck love.
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Unacceptable behavior on her part. She’s being way too self centered and selfish. It’s not your wedding for goodness sake. Don’t go broke over someone else’s big day. That’s just wrong.
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Then when she asked you should gave let her know you’re not financially up to I and ask someone else
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If I was you I would go to her and talk with her about this. You did say she is your best friend so you definitely should be able to talk to your bestfriend about anything 
tell her that you cant afford this but would still like to be apart of her big day
Plan a party you can afford. Stop trying to give her everything she’s asking for and do what you can. It will Still be great and if she’s upset after all you did then she’s not a good friend
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If she’s ur best friend she should understand ur situation and not be difficult
The Bride should NOT pay. It’s the responsibility of the MOH/ bridal party. If you can not fulfill the role as one then don’t accept the role to begin with. Simple as that!
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I reached out to the bridal party/her family and give them a number to contribute if they choose not too then I would tell her you can’t afford it.
For the bachelorette you should ask all invited to contribute x amount to cover the brides night and any decor.
Join the aldi group, tell them your budget those ladies will tell you how to shop at aldi for an amazing taco spread! Refried beans are cheap and delish don’t forget them! Also thrift, so many parents buy party outfits for their kids to wear once! You can do this and it will feel so nice to do for your friend
Tell her it’s a cake and punch only bridal shower.
Talk to her. Or, have a group meeting with all of the bridal party and see if everyone can chip in a bit. If you have an Aldi or Lidl nearby they have cheaper foods. But maybe everyone could chip in financially and help out $10 from multiple people goes a long way!
All her bridesmaids can chip in to help. It shouldn’t just be on you and moh.
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Get the whole bridal party to chip in! Isn’t that what a bridal party does ?
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I would say ask her family maybe her parents? My cousin was my maid of honor I would have never expected for her to pay for anything my family helped and his family help but we didn’t have a traditional wedding either i would go to her and talk to her
It yall are both in charge can’t yall split the cost?
Why wouldn’t the mother of the bride and maybe even the mother of the groom chip in for the bridal shower, along with the bridal party? That’s how mine was done. I assumed the Bachelorette was all on the maid of honor If mothers aren’t present, definitely come come up with a budget and ask bridal party to help pay the cost.
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You can only do what you can afford. I would just tell her, explain you just cant afford it. Maybe make it a pot luck. If she is a real friend she will understand.
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If she is your “best friend” be honest with her. Maybe everyone in your family shouldn’t be part of the wedding to cut cost of wedding attire. Maybe she will surprise you and be completely understanding. Most people don’t realize the struggle of a one income household but when you are a one income household, that comes with sacrifices… this being type of thing being one of them. I know it’s stressful and you want to show up for her but you have to step back and learn to say no when it will be at the detriment of your family. This isn’t a “her” problem. It’s a “you” problem. The things she has asked are completely normal/common for brides to expect but a true friend will understand your position and not shame you for it. Neither of you are “in the wrong”, but you do need to work on your communication
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I would talk with all of the bridesmaids and split everything with them. Everyone would love to help out and be a part of it!
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If you could not afford it you should have said so up front and bowed out of the wedding party.
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Everyone’s financial situation will be different. It is “customary” for the maid/matron of honor to throw the shower and split the bachelorette party (everyone should be paying for themselves anyway as far as that goes and maybe the maid/matron of honor or even bridesmaids helping to split the bill for the bride to be). With that being said, discuss this with her and plan ahead. Our wedding shower (home gifts) were both genders and family as well, but held at our family’s church. Church’s or townhalls are a good option for free or cheap. The food is reasonable for what she asked. Don’t forget you still have games/prizes to pay for too. Don’t fret too much about the clothes because your family’s extra attire can double for Easter outfits and there will be good selections coming up at a very reasonable rate. Maybe see talk to her to see if you can hit up a Burlington for everyone else’s clothes and yours be the only one coming from the bridal store. I (and most of the women in my family) had a seperate laundriere shower that was just women and was the same night as the bachlorette party.
Knowing the financial restraint that can weigh down people in the wedding party my husband and I footed the bill for their attire and hair for the wedding.
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The bride should take care of her own bachelorette party or all the girls should pay equal shares. The brides mom should help with the shower. I paid for my daughters entire shower and didn’t ask anyone for money just that they show up a little early to help decorate the room in the restaurant. When I was maid of honor a very long time ago, all the girls split the cost of the shower but she lost her mom when she was 3. I believe it could go either way, there is no etiquette etched in stone. If she can’t afford to split the shower cost, she needs to tell her friend immediately so something can be worked out soon. Maybe she can ask the brides family for help first.
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I’m getting married in December. My sister in law in my matron of honor. They have a one income household and I’m fully prepared to not have a bridal shower or bachelorette party. It would be nice but I could never afford to do that for someone and I don’t expect anyone else to do it either.
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No no no. If money is tight, you could offer effort/time. But please don’t go into debt for someone else’s shower 
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Who Traditionally Pays?
Though modern couples often skirt tradition, the custom of the bridal shower is a throwback to times in which the bride’s family would have a trousseau or hope chest of items to help the young couple establish their new household. Etiquette consultant Jodi RR Smith of Mannersmith explains that back in the day, the bride’s friends and neighbors would host a shower to supplement what the family could not provide.
Therefore, and according to tradition, the bridal shower was never hosted by the immediate family, as it would be seen as a gift-grab. Instead, she says the shower is typically hosted by aunts, cousins, and/or friends of the bride.
Taco bar is very inexpensive and is good to feed a crowd with. 20 people is nothing. You could always provide the basics and ask people to bring a dish to pass to share their favorite recipe with the bride to be. If she is getting married in the next few months, have the bachelorette party closer to the wedding and not now. If the dresses she picked out are too expensive, let her know how much you can afford and see if she can chip in the rest or let you get an alternative dress that’s more affordable. Lots of bridesmaids dresses at Goodwill, etc. If she is really your best friend you will figure it out.
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Make her pay for the party…
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Who serves actual food at a bridal shower? Cake, butter mints, snacks, punch, that’s what’s served at bridal showers is she a bridezilla?
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Sit with her and explain the situation and if need be decline the position of Matron of Honor.
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Then you shouldve explained that to her and not accepted the roll.
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My family threw my shower, everyone pitched in so the cost was low for each person. My bachelorette party was split between my bridesmaids and a couple friends who tagged along. Again, saving everyone money. You should reach out to the wedding party, and to the mothers of both.
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I was a MOH for my cousins wedding. I had to throw the Bachelorette and the bridal shower completely by myself. Thats on top of the 400$ dress she choose for us. At the time I owned a restaurant and didn’t even pay myself but I made it work and I did it. I probably put 3000$ into her wedding. (She has 8 other bridesmaids too that did nothing to help). Personally I’ve considered it apart of being the moh, and normally if I couldn’t afford it I would turn it down. But that’s just me. Everyone in the wedding party is supposed to help out but that doesn’t mean they will unfortunately.
To me that’s just part of being maid of honor… If you can’t do that just tell her and decline the role.
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WELL you shouldn’t have accepted the part. Best Friends don’t have to be included in everything. Tell her nicely your situation again. You don’t have to wait till the last minute to prepare for things in the future. Just be honest with her at this point. Bridesmaids help give the bridal shower for the bride.
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Maybe do some weekend babysitting, donate plasma or shovel some snow for extra money. Or you could see if you can find someone to loan it to you… usually the bride’s family pays for the bride’s maids and flower girl and the grooms pays for the tuxes and ring bearers outfit… Tacos are pretty cheap, maybe you could make it a pot luck party and you contribute the taco shells, lettuce, and napkins and a couple bottles of soda. Wouldn’t be too expensive but at least you helped… or just say, I can only contribute $30 so we need to either budget or or reduce the guest list! Why is it a unisex party to begin with!!
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So explain this to her and not the internet. Communication is key if you expect something to change
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If it was me sandwich’s it is if she wanted any other food guess what dish out the money.
She should be paying for the outfits or the party and barchelorette party not you paying for all 3. That’s ridiculous
Maybe I’m the weird one out but all these women saying she should have bowed out. Personally as a woman I do not see why so many feel its ok to force someone to pay/do certain things for a wedding. If your going to put someone in that situation let them plan it by what they can afford and if they can not afford it do not expect one. If you want something specific for your bridal shower or party pay for it. Also I feel the bride should pay for all the dresses and shoes etc… if she wants something specific.
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Bridezilla. You must tell her that you can’t afford all this. You may lose a friend but she really isn’t much of a friend to DEMAND you spend all this money on her.
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Sounds like she’s getting everyone to pay as much for her wedding as possible.
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If she’s really your best friend then just explain that to her. Don’t get all emotional. Just explain it just like you did to us. She may be able to ask one of her family members to help with the costs of the party. You can only do so much and she has to respect that. She knew before she asked what your situation is. Her happiness is important but your families welfare is more important hun. If she gets upset and is unwilling to get it situated then take it as lesson learned and step down from the position.
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I was a bridesmaid in charge of the shower and bachelorette party. Shower was pot luck and the bachelorette party everyone split the cost except for the bride. You should not have to foot the bill. Reach out to the bridal party.
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Speak to your friend…
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Does she have more bridesmaids? If there are more, it’s normal for her to assume you all to pay for the bridal shower & your dress for her wedding. If it’s only you two, then I think it’s too much to put that all on you. The bridesmaids are just as responsible for helping with all the costs as you, split evenly. If she wanted all of those events then she should of made sure she had more than 2 people in her bridal party, otherwise those are normal expectations. I am getting married this September, and my bridal party has paid for their dresses, my shower, and my bachelorette trip. There are SIX of them though. My MOH is doing most of the planning, but my bridesmaids are paying the same amount as her for everything. I am also in my best friends wedding this year, and expected to pay my share for all of those things too. If you can’t afford it, be upfront… but these are traditional things to expect from your wedding party.
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You shouldnt have agreed to the position then. That’s been common knowledge to be expected…
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My bother did a mix bachelor/bachelorette party there was well over 20 people there and they got a cook to make us tacos. They just estimated how much it would be and had us all in attendance pay a certain amount, even in payments if we needed and it worked out great!
Bride/groom is usually responsible for bridal shower
MOH/MatronOH would be responsible for a bachelorette…why would she give y’all the responsibility of something either her parents or grooms parents or themselves should do.
When you agree to be part of a wedding it’s ones responsibility to pay/Buy outfits not the bride.
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Let her know it’s too much
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IMO when you agree to be someone’s maid of honor or matron of honor you are agreeing to a certain amount of responsibility. 20 people for a bridal shower is reasonable and she chose a really cheap food option.
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Could you ask the bridal party to bring each item of the taco bar so that it takes less pressure off yourself?
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Why wouldn’t it be split between you and the MOH? Maybe make it taco pot luck style?? And thrift shops make for awesome clothing items! Also if you’re feeling this upset you should just talk to her about it!
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Tradition is mom throws the bridal shower & groom mom shud help, but now a days the WHOLE bridal party does it, & the WHOLE bridal party chips in for their portion of the Bachelorette party.
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Include bridesmaids if any and cut the costs by asking them each a fair portion. Ask close family members to bring a side or cheese, tomato etc.
Why can’t the bridal party all pitch in? Each bring something.
I was always told, and my family has always followed, that it was tradition for the brides family to pay for the wedding (celebrations included) and the grooms family pay for the honeymoon. Never was the financial responsibility set on anyone else.
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Everything you’ve said is why I wasn’t asked to be in my best friends wedding. I was a single parent at the time and she didn’t even ask if I wanted to be in the wedding. It was all for show with 7 brides maids. Broke my heart.
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Then back out. No one said you HAD to be in the wedding or that the rest of the family had to ad well. I was matron of honor for a friend and I told her, I’m buying a dress and flying across the country, my budget is limited. We worked it out.
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Very seldom to you hear of the bride deciding on when, where or what is to be served at her own bridal shower!!! I would get together with the others that are in the bridal party and ask for their assistance in it all.
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You shouldn’t have agreed to do it if you can’t afford certain expenses. It’s pretty typical to have to pay for your own outfits, so if you agreed to have your family involved in the bridal party that should have been discussed beforehand. We are also a 1 income household and were all in a wedding last October. My husband was a groomsman, I was a bridesmaid, and my son was the ring bearer. We saved and bought some things on sale, I paid my part for the bachelorette party (which was a girls weekend).
Maybe see if the rest of the bridal party can chip on for food, potluck style. But in my opinion when you play a certain role in a wedding, you agree to a certain number of expenses
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I am not meaning this to be rude but im curious, Did you guys not dicuss expectations and cost etc before you agreed to be in the wedding party?
For eg, When I got married i asked my MOH to be my MOH and was upfront with the fact that if she says yes, I will pay for hair, makeup bouquet etc, but she will have to pay for her own dress, jewellery and shoes but she can could choose them within the colour scheme and run it by me first. I asked her, I would love a bridal shower but im happy with something cheap and happy to help with the costs.
If you don’t want to do it, then back out. But you really need to let your friend know soon so she can find a replacement considering it’s a month away and you waited until NOW to change your mind. Also… No one else is responsible for YOUR clothing cost for a party! You really want her to pay for your entire families outfits for the party and the wedding on top of paying for her dress and his tux because you spent $30 on tacos?! I see why you put best friend in quotation marks … You don’t seem like a very good best friend.
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I thought it was the mothers who “volunteered” to host the shower!!!
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I have never heard of the bride picking who she wants to throw the bridal shower, this was all ways the bride’s family that did this. Also a lot of people that I know fix a pot of soup and have sandwiches for the shower.
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Just gracefully decline being in the wedding.
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When did somebody else’s wedding, bachelorette party, and wedding shower become somebody else’s responsibility. The bachelorette party and wedding shower are optional so she wants it she should have to pay for it. The wedding is something she wanted and nobody else should have to fit the bill for in any way shape form or fashion. When I got married I paid for my bridesmaids and made of honors dresses. Right along with the flower girl dress and the groomsmen’s suits. The only suit I didn’t pay for was my dad’s. Nobody should have to pay for somebody else’s special day.
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Have some Fund raisers…Bride fundraiser…
Try spilting the cost up over ALL the bridesmaids that’s is what I have done in every wedding I’ve been in. And whoever says oh it’s the brides day she should pay… You must not have anyone who cares about you. These comments are crazy!
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Why did you agree to take it all on, knowing you’d be responsible financially, if it wasn’t feasible for your family? Isn’t the wedding supposed to be about the bride and the couple getting married? I don’t see why she should be worried about what you can and can’t afford if you knew your limitations
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She sounds like a selfish person
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I would ask her to reach out to others to help with the cost or tell her it will be mints nuts a cake and punch or whatever you can realistically cover. Just be honest that it wasn’t expected and financially you just can’t do all that. I know where I live it isn’t a full meal ever unless the family throws a dinner after rehearsals. I got asked to throw a baby shower once and the mother to be later had a neighbor help and it was all a disaster as the mother to be kept asking for more. We opted to do what we could and be realistic and she was not only ungrateful and disappointed she pointed out what she asked for and didn’t get. I chalked it up to hormones and life went on. She was always distant and rude towards me after that. We are no longer friends. I just couldn’t deal with the ungratefulness. Being honest is the best thing to do here and ask for help. If you are close to the others in the bridal party reach out yourself, “hey she wants tacos and we are now upto x number of people. Can we all agree to provide a part of the dish for buffet style? I’ll put together a meal train (app) list of what is needed and see if we can get everyone to pitch in to pull this off and not disappoint our bride.” Send it to everyone attending that you are close to and let them add others on to the list.
I think it’s a bit ridiculous she expects you to pay for an entire shower and she keeps on inviting people. BUT with that being said, you agreed to take the title it’s partially your fault for taking on the responsibility. I’d definitely talk to her and let her know you unfortunately cannot afford this without putting your family through a struggle. I’d choose my family any day before spending money I don’t have on someone else’s wedding.
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If people can’t afford to pay for their own wedding and whatever is associated with it then maybe they should do something THEY can afford for THEIR wedding not force other people to pay
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It may be your job and the MOH to throw the shower but get the other bridesmaids involved and have them pitch in. I’m sure they will understand with you having multiple ppl in the wedding. As far as the ppl saying decline being in the wedding - please don’t do that. You will regret it. This is a special time in your friends life that you want to be a part of. Also, take her up on her offer is she is willing to help!
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You should’ve declined knowing it would be a financial burden to you.
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I’d have to just say no 
I’ll never understand the going extravagant for weddings and making everyone go broke for one day
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then tell her you can’t
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I googled lol
When it comes to the bridal shower, it’s the responsibility of the maid of honor to split the expenses with the rest of the bridal party. This includes the cost of all decorations, activities/games, food and beverages. That being said, it is perfectly acceptable to ask for contributions from both the mothers of the bride and groom or any other close family members.
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What about a taco pot luck? Everyone invited brings something for the tacos?
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That’s why I don’t wanna throw a big to do I don’t like doing that to people. It gets expensive all this xtra crap how many showers and parties you gonna have. Engagement party bachelorette party rehearsal dinner bridal shower. It’s too much
You think this is your best friend? Sounds like she doesn’t know you at all. I’d tell her more about myself and my current situation. I’d ask her to come back with some solutions.
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You could have declined to be MOH and just told her you can’t stretch your finances right now! No need to be nasty just honest
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Ask others to pitch in! Have a few people bring one ingredient each for the food