I’ve got a question I’m new to this whole stepmom thing I don’t know where my place my husband lets his ex do whatever she wants when it comes to the boys he gets them every other weekend, and now she wants to come to pick the kids up on Sat for a little bit I told my husband that she gets more time with them than he does and whatever plans she has she needs to do it on her time not his well then she cries and whines and now telling my husband kids don’t like me, and her do not get along we have tried to several time she told me they, not my kids which I know this and understand it, but it’s my husband’s weekend so I think I should have a say-so especially since he discussed this with me he told her no but she said I have the custody I can do whatever I want
She can’t take them if it’s his time and he doesnt want to let her have the time. And I dont feel like you’re out of line at all. You’re supposed to support a healthy relationship between him and his child. Men all too often back down and give in because of moms that play the power card.
That’s between them. She is right… you aren’t the parent so you have no say. I hate when my ex’s girlfriend tries to get involved.
If their dad has agreed with their mom to get them early, it’s not your place to keep them from doing it. They’re coparenting their kids and they know why they agree to it. At the end it’s their kids and they will do what what is best for their kids.
As a stepmom, you can’t say much. Unless it affects you directly, you shouldn’t say anything 
Seriously? They’re not DVDs that you’re borrowing, they’re children! With feelings, needs, emotions!
If it’s something special the mum has organised with her kids that they will enjoy and the dad is OK with it I don’t see the issue.
Could always put your petty shit aside if you guys want to parent well and all go together, bet the kids would love to do stuff with both parents from time to time instead of always being apart from one or the other
If it’s in court papers that it’s his weekend then she can’t do anything . also know time and a place for everything. One day you may need them longer then agreement. Now she can do the same. Be bigger person and have your husband deal with his ex
I don’t think she’s handling it the best… she definitely could be more mature. BUT unfortunately, just because you are with him on his weekend doesn’t mean you have a say in the situation. It’s between him and the mother.
Doesnt matter about “not your kids”, they are your kids aswell, he is your husband, im guessing you live together, so that is your home. You do have a say, but express it to your husband and if he is going to relay the message to her, ask him to leave you out of it.
Not your kid, not your business.
She can’t just do what ever she wants. If it’s his time with the kids, she should stay away. If you can’t work it out peacefully, take her back to court.
If he gets them every other weekend n it in court docs then she can’t just come take them
They may not be your biological children but they are children in your life. Your husband deserves to have time with his children and you sticking up for your husband is not a bad thing, try to have him be the one that says everything to her though. I would honestly make sure you write down everything that is happening, every time she takes them when it’s his time, every time she violates the court order.
Also, don’t listen to these people that tell you it isn’t your business. Your husband made his children your business when he married you, and you took them on as your business when you married him. Love them, treat them like they’re yours, be their advocate, especially if mom is abusing their father the way she is.
A fight between parents is one you can never win 28 years later believe what I tell you if dad is not willing to make some legal adjustments things will never change ever the choice is then yours bend break or leave
Im sorry I have to disagree with majority of these comments.
When you get with someone everyone cries “when you take on a person with kids , you take on their kids too” yet, will be the same people crying that it’s none of the “step” parents say when it comes to anything with the child.
I believe the bio mother is over stepping, the father probably just is avoiding drama, as many men do… Allowing the bio mom to have full and complete control. I think you have every right to say something, I’m sure you want time with her, and for her father to have his rightful time… There is nothing wrong with that. Someone needs to speak on the child’s behalf, who needs time and a relationship with the other side of her family. Speak up. If there’s no Court order in place, have your man go fight for his rights.
He needs to stand up to her instead if just letting her do what she wants. If this is a one time thing this Saturday, then maybe, but your right she should change plans for when she has them. I think you should have a say in things when they are with you, sorry but the whole you are not the real mom is bs
I mean…you are their parent. Their bonus mom. Shes gonna kinda have to learn to live with that.
But if its court ordered he gets them every other weekend. She needs to make plans on those weekends not on his time. 
Thats just the way I feel.
Nothing to do with you unfortunately I mean I’m sure u have some influence on your husbands decision …but if your husband wants more time with his kids he could have it me and my ex share custody and he gets 2 nights a week plus every other weekend and if the 2 parents can communicate and change things if needed it does help … I hate sharing but I personally believe every other weekend is not much time why should the dad only get 4 days a month
Yeah, she can’t just ‘do whatever she wants’. There are court documents in place and she has to abide by them. Sounds like your husband needs to find his balls and put her in her place.
Stay out of it. Father can either speak up about the court order or not- either way- the mother is under zero obligation to communicate directly with you about anything.
Yeah you can discuss it with your husband but ultimately you dont have a say.
I’d tell a step mom the same thing if she wanted to try and say something to me about anything.
If there is a court order yes she could be violating it, but if your husband is okay with it then there isnt really much that can be done.
Is he ok with her taking them on his weekend? Depending on their relationship I feel like it might be a pick your battles kind of thing. If it doesn’t bother him much what’s the harm. Is there a court order in place that says he gets them on these specific weekends? Because that would make a difference also. I think especially if he asks you say what you think but don’t push.
Follow your husband’s lead on this.
If your husband is okay with it then let it go. It’s not like they are being mistreated.
Stay out of it it will turn on you . He has to speak up not your call
Does he have custody also? If its shared she can not take them bsck untill Sunday scheduled pick up time. And if you dont have a agreement thru the courts my suggestion would be to go get one cause shes just gonna keep walking allll over yinz cause he obviously dont care to put a stop to it. U have a say when its your weekend. And i say YOUR weekend cause those boys are your husbands and yours since u married him. Ur not there ‘mom’ but your there bonus mom. Your the one who takes care of them when there at YOUR house… Bm needs to take a step off her high horse and let them spend time with u guys. They are at your house to spend time with there other family which is dad and step mom.
Just because she has full custody dosent mean she can do what she wants… She still has to follow court order… his time is his time and she has no say in that… if she breches court order she can be fined and jail time if he wants to pursue it… I’m a step parent and my husband is a step parent… Your a team… Weather she likes it or not your there Bonus mom and you do have a say as its your home to and your family now to.
Stay out of it. Speaking from the mom POV, every time my boys’ dad now ex (after me) got involved, it just pissed me off. He and I are the parents and we decide. My husband minds his own when it comes to my kids. If he wants more visitation, there’s always the courts to back that up and they usually grant that if it’s in the kids best interest. But yeah, mind your own.
No, she can’t do whatever she wants because if that’s his custody days then he has to agree to give up his time. I’ve been a step-mom for 9 years. Now, if you guys ask for the boys not on your custody days and she allows you guys that extra time, then I don’t see a problem if she’s wanting them for some type of special occasion. Now, if she never allows you guys to get them extra when you ask, then I would say NO. We have ran into this same problem. Your more then welcome to message me anytime to help you because I’m in your same shoes. Best of luck!!!
If it’s court ordered that he gets them every other weekend then she can’t just take them because she has custody. If I got to only see my kids every other weekend I would want them with me for the whole weekend. I mean if she wanted to “trade” one weekend for the other so she could do whatever it is she wants to do then I personally would be ok with that.
I would allow it tbh. There’s nothing wrong with their mother wanting to spend more time with the child as something might come up like a friend’s bday party he was invited to or some event she may want to take the child to. I don’t deprive my stepson of spending more time with his mother and she doesn’t deprive us of things we want to do extra with him.
DO NOT get involved! Speaking from experience, nothing you do will be right. Leave the decision making to the parents. Treat the kids good and that’s it…no more, no less. Being a stepmom is the most stressful thing I’ve ever had to deal with. You don’t do enough and you don’t care. You do too much and you’re trying to replace the mother 
It’s tough and most of the time, a no win situation for us.
Switch weekends if there is something going on on his weekend that she wants the kids early it’s not that big of a deal dont get so bent out of shape
You’re allowed to give your opinion to your husband about things but at the end of the day, it is a decision between them. If he wants to let her have the kids then you have to just stay in your lane. Even if you disagree, you can discuss the disagreement with your husband but let him make the decision and do the communicating with ex. You and him are a team and should be equal parents in your house but if things aren’t going well with the ex then understand that he needs to be the one who handle things with her. Maybe he thinks it’s easier to just let her do it instead of starting a fight. Whatever his reason, it’s ultimately between them. If he wants more time, he can try fighting for more time in court. Hopefully one day you all work it out where you’re able to all co-parent together peacefully and happily. Until then, just stay in your lane and support your husband.
Ok if I’m understanding this, she wants to bring them for the weekend and come get them for a little on Saturday??? Well first and foremost if she has full custody I as his wife would take it back to court, if he doesn’t have something against him and that’s wHy she has custody and get his visitation rights. Which is usually every other weekend. That way she can’t make rules over our visitation days, than she can’t make her own rules, cause we probably have made adjustments to do things with them. That means that she calls on Saturday to stop what we are doing in our household because she feels like it… Not in my house sorry but not sorry… And your husband is really the problem cause he allows it!!!
Well she already doesn’t like you so when she comes over without permission call the police on her just make sure you have the custody papers on hand at all times even when yall pick the kids up from her house. If she is not home when it is time to pick up the kids call the police because each time is a violation and it leaves a paper trail. Go strickly by the custody order!
This is an issue that is solely between the dad and mom. If you disagree you can speak to your husband about it but honestly it will cost you issues with your own relationship that could have been avoided.
If he doesn’t care then STAY OUT OF IT! Don’t force him to be a father. My kids are miserable because of females like you
Not a fucking chance. She either switches weekends or does her shit with them on her weekend. I’m a step-mom and neither my husband or his ex would act like this. She sounds like she has zero boundaries and no respect. If your husband won’t step up to her, then accept that this is how it will be.
Unless you all have plans I don’t see the big deal. I was once in this situation as a stepmom and as much as it bothered me, it wasn’t my decision to make. and vice versa. I get sometimes plans don’t always go as we planned out. Just know if you guys ever have something fall on her weekend, she will bring this up and make it just as hard to not let them go and she will have every right. If she’s never done anything to you personally there should be no bad blood between you two. Not saying you have to be best friends and go out for coffee or drinks, but respecting each other and being cordial for the kiddos, I guarantee you it makes life and decisions that much easier. Take it from someone who’s been there…
Im shocked how many people are saying it has nothing to do with the step mum!!
Um, we are expected to be perfect mum’s to our stepchildren, treat them like our own extra but don’t have a right to want to see them on our weekend 
Girl, experience has taught me to avoid giving my opinion unless specifically asked… and even then I am insanely careful about what I say and how I say it… it’s probably best to stay out of this. As y’all are together longer, you can carefully remind him that he has rights when it comes to visiting with his kids but you cannot force him to stand up to the Ex- especially if she uses the kids against y’all… she’s in control here and he’s probably going to always give in to her until the boys are older. Basically, grin and bare it
My husband and his ex have never followed the visitation schedule, they just did what worked for them depending on the week. I’ve stayed out of it because that’s how it was before I came along and I never felt it was my place to call those shots.
I see your point about him spending time with them but being that this is still a new situation for you I wouldn’t go making any demands right now. Let things play out without meddling.
This is part of to why I’m staying single because life gets tricky when one or both parents have new partners but on my side my kids fathers aren’t in their life (they chose not to be in the kids life as they don’t want the kids) but the best you can do is talk with your husband but end of the day it’s between the Mum and dad of the kids but just talk with your husband about your concerns and then them deal with it you don’t need to cause to many problems, just do your own thing and if your husband needs your help you can help but they are his kids so let him sort it all out that’s all I can suggest
It sounds like you have the problem with this and not your husband. Maybe she wants to take them to a birthday party or something. Just like there may be a time when dad needs to change the schedule for special plans. I’ll assume that you just got married since you said that you’re NEW to this stepmom thing. You might want to stay out of this situation. 
If she tries to take them on dad’s weekend dad needs to grow balls and say no!!! And if she shows up any way he can call cops all he has to do is show court agreement that it’s his weekend and guess what she can’t do anything
So you’re supposed to treat your step kids as your own but then dont get an opinion or any say. Sorry, cant have it both ways.
THIS is what happens when children become EVERYONE’S business and priority!
I wanted this photo taken with my hubby’s ex as WE ARE ALL FAMILY and she has had it as her cover photo since 2013!!
Family is created when people want to be family.
In our family NO ONE misses out 
That’s not how custody arrangements work 
as a step mom, you have every right to voice your opinions to HIM. Unless you have some sort of friendship with the mom and she actually listens to you, stick to just talking with him
I am soooo thankful that me my fiance and our childs mother all get along. We all can talk with each other about whats going on in our childs life. And even though I am not her mom she is “our” child. We all love her support her and take care of her. We are there for her when she needs one of us and we always make sure 1 of us are at her school functions. She might have 2 moms but that’s just more love she is getting. She is our world and we all know this. If you are apart of these children lives then YES you do have a say in whats going on.
How does he feel about it is my question. If he had no issue then why turn it into something. If he did care then this post wouldn’t even really be needed because you wouldn’t be looking for validation that your doing the right thing.
I mean can’t we be mature co parents and say “hey there’s something going on Saturday that the kids would like to do. Is there any way I can pick them up a little early/drop off a late so they can go and you can pick them up for a day during the week”.
If he has visitation every other weekend and that was established I’m court she cannot just pick them up and take them that’s his time with them. She definitely needs to plan things around his weekend with them it can’t be that hard he only gets them 4 days a month. He should stand his ground and say no.
U know what annoys me is that a step parent has no say but when u treat them like your own kids there is still an issue with the other parent and step parent is criticized. When u treat them like crap or u can’t get say in anything ,u are still treated like crap and criticized. But if u dont involve yourself then u become a shitty person in others eyes ,u involve yourself u still a shitty person. It pisses me off. I’d hate the idea of going thru this or my kids having a step parent but for the sake of my children I know that the other person is going to be and feel responsible for my kids ,will most likely be the one feeding, bringing to events ,appointments etc. Step parents dont get the credit they deserve. They didnt ask to replace any parent but bc they love the person they feel like they get the whole package. These wishywashy parents need to stop the damn madness and be genuine and kind to step parents. It’s hard as hell taking g care of someone else’s kid let alone having no say when it comes to the child in their home that’s not theirs but have to treat as theirs or they have relationship issues. So to ALL U STEPPARENTS,U ARE AMAZING, H ARE WONDERFUL, U ARE A GENUINE PERSON WITH A KIND SOUL,U ARE AN INCREDIBLE PERSON. THANK U FOR TRYING TO BE THERE AND INVOLVED WITH THE PEOPLE U LOVE. U DESERVE A PAT ON THE BACK AND A HUG 
If it’s his court ordered parenting time, then its exactly that, HIS! Doesn’t matter what she has, she doesn’t have the right to interfere with his parenting time. He doesn’t have to allow her anything outside of the court order. You can voice any/all opinions to him that you want, you’re his wife.
Learn your place. … if he doesn’t have a problem with it why do you?
I dont know, this is a hard one. Me personally being a step mom, I’ve been in this position. But honestly it sounds like your being slightly controlling. If you had plans whit your step kids then I’d understand, but from your post it just sounds like you want them there just to be there. One parent will normally end up with more time then the other. I’d say if she has something fun planned to do with the child or children, and you dont, just let her have them. Now if it becomes a constant thing, okay maybe your husband should mention it. But for now I’d say let it go. Sounds like the child us happy cause both parents are working things out. This .ight just cause more problems the it’s worth. I’ve learned very early on in my relationship with my step children to pick and choose my battles and this personally just doeant seem like one I’d make a fuss over. But I hope everything works out for you and your family!!!
Lotta moms in these comments childish towards steps moms 
be a woman and get slong with the steps moms. Jesus christ.
You’re not a parent. You don’t get a say so on shit.
My partner gets his son one week a Thursday Friday then home for 12 on a Saturday and the next week he takes him Friday Saturday and home for 12 on Sunday, court doesn’t allow him to have him every weekend for full weekend because he is in school so his mum really only gets to spend proper time with him at the weekend which we are all happy with maybe try this out with her might work out better for everyone
You really need to stay out of it if he only sees them on weekends there really isn’t any need for you to be involved he should want to spend that quality time with his children without you there you should just let the children’s parents sort everything out
It tough. I can only tell you that you have the right to feel the way you feel. No one can tell you otherwise. However this is something that you have got to let the husband decide. As stepparents and spouses we have to support our spouses. Don’t out him in a spot where he’s backed up against a wall. He isn’t Responsible for making sure you’re satisfied with regards to the children. I know it isn’t fair but I highly encourage you to bite your tongue. He is grown enough to know what to do. Yes it affects you as well. Many times for many years I had to deal with things I had no control over AND affected My life because it affected my husband’s. We are in a great place now and we are no longer dealing with that entity and neither is my stepdaughter. It’s not an easy road but I just want you to know that you can not be the source of stress if he has one looming at him and the child for their entire childhood years. That’s more than enough. You have to focus on what is in front of you and that’s your marriage. The children are yours also but as a step mom you have to be there for them and nothing more. Don’t get in between the two parents. I have learned over the last 8 years that it’s best to let them hash it out. We are there for support. Each dynamic is different. It will take time for you to learn your dynamic. That’s all
My child has a step dad and step mom. I believe everyone has a right to share they are the parent when I am not there. I don’t understand people saying understand your place? Like as a mom I want the step mom to act like the mom when I am not there. The step dad acts like the dad when he isn’t here. We do live 4 hours away from each other and visiting isnt often but I never seen it as learn your place. That’s a behavior to make your child hate their step parent in my opinion.
This was the longest sentence in history.
Honestly, from 13 years of experience with a narcissistic, pretty much of a nut baby momma, it’s best to stay out of it.
Don’t usually comment but have been going through similar circumstances over last last year or so… but 1st of all get off social media with this because most women are going to be cruel and hateful because step parent has a bad name whether your new to it or not your place is by your husband’s side step mom or birth mom you are MOM… express your concerns with your husband and let him make the ultimate decision because it is between them but he needs to take your thoughts/feeling into consideration specially if you those feelings are wanting more of a relationship for him and kids… but once again ultimately he has to want that as well other then that just be there for those kids a ear to them or the “fun parent” that way they learn you not the person that most mom’s bad mouth and give kids an opinion that is not their own
I am a stepmom, she’s in her 20s now thankfully but it was a hard road. My advice–your role as stepparent is to support your partner in being a parent. It’s not our job to make decisions for them. We can suggest, but it’s ultimately their name on the papers and them who might have to answer for things in court. Your right is to set up boundaries about what you are and are not willing to do or handle. So, if he wants to give her part of his Saturday, that’s his choice BUT if that means you have to go out of your way to do something you don’t want to in order to accommodate that change, it’s your choice not to. It’s on him to facilitate it.
Good luck. Unfortunately I feel your pain on this one. My boyfriend and I have some of the same issues. We get his girls every weekend but we’re at the moms mercy and I feel like he constantly gives into her to avoid any type of argument which then causes arguments between us.
What state are you in? Did they actually go to court? Was he provided weekends? She cant intervene with “his time” otherwise it’s considered contempt of court. Your husband is agreeing with you and at the end of the day as long as he supports you, then HE has to stand up to her, let her know this is HIS time, and if she cant respect that, let her know. Yall will see her in court. Period.
This is between the mother and father you are making a mistake if they are good parents
You are right. The fathers time is his time. The mother should plan accordingly. You do have a say you are a parental figure also.
If this is through the courts mom or not she is in violation because dad said no if she takes children any way dad could get her on contempt of court order
If she tries to pull dumb shit, you get that paperwork out. Tell her to call the police and when they show up and you hand them the papers signed by the judge they’ll simply tell her to fuck off… but in a nicer way.
Don’t let her push you guys around. This is what court documents are made for!
I think it’s not really your business. Like sure discuss with him about it. But don’t go sticking your nose in 
It’s between the bio parents. You have no say so in the matter.
I’d say unless it’s some special occasion for someone in her family, such as a bday party or graduation or something like that, that he shouldn’t let her. The kids need time with both parents and she has plenty of time with them as it is as he only gets them 4 days a month
Ehh I say it’s between them at the end of the day. You’re just going to make things worse between you and the mom.
not your business. just sayin
If there’s an agreement that he gets the kids on weekend by the courts, then she has absolutely no legal grounds to just take the kids when they’re in his care. Report it to the courts.
If there isn’t a court ordered agreement, I’d suggest getting one.
she has the custody! Well lady violate that court order if you want to. Idk why women think they have the final say. Get over yourself and think about the kids. Yes stepmom should stay out of it and only communicate with her husband. But I cannot stand a power tripping mom, Especially when the dad is a good dad.
If your husband is ok with it then it’s ok. My husband makes the final decision however now (9yrs together) we both decide what is best for our family .
Hubby
Needs to
Grow
A
Pair
If your husband is okay with it, NACHO. Nacho kids not yo problem.
Ok, first of all.
If it takes a knock down drag out for y’all to get on the same page, so be it.
You may be “just the stepmom” but you are putting efforts in to love those kids and their daddy unconditionally.
Second, it is ultimately your husband’s decision. If he wants to buck the mom, then you stand behind him.
Frankly, as long as those babies are loved by ALL parties, who cares. 
You’re wrong! It’s not your place. Let them parent. Its your husband’s time with his kids. Not your time. If he’s ok with her picking them up early or whatever then let it go. Maybe if your husband wanted them in her weekend she’s let him. A lot of parents go back & fourth like that. You’re being seen as meddling where you don’t belong, a nuisance. You will harm the relationship between your husband & his kids. Think about it. They’ve been doing this longer than you’ve been involved. If something comes up on dad’s weekend he lets them go. Then you come into the picture & decide they have to miss out now. They’re going to hate you. It won’t be mom’s fault it’ll be your own.
I hate all these high and mighty mom’s, you can have a say, you’re his wife, just cause you’re a step mom doesn’t mean you’re just dirt on the ground. Your husband discussed it with you so you’re allowed to tell him how you feel about it. It’s HIS weekend so she can’t just come and pick them up. She has every single day except for like 4 days a month with them, she can reschedule or they just won’t do it.
See I really don’t think that it’s any of your business. I coparent with ex. He has a new wife. And she’s wonderful. Him and I are great . We work together. Our daughter goes to school all
Week. And sometimes she wants to stay home on the weekend. Or we have plans . However I do discuss this with him. The wife and I get along great . But if she was to do this I’d politely have to remind her that I’m Mom and Dad and I got this.
I honestly hate this for you. Me and my husbands ex are not best friends by any means, but we get along for my stepson. But then again I’ve been with his father since right after he turned one, and I play a big roll in his life. My husband comes to me for advice a lot of the time and he consoles with me about my stepson. We work as one big team (mom, dad, stepmom, and stepdad) we all realize that his family is now bigger than just mom and dad. He has two extra people who love him more than anything. So we never work against each other, always together!
If your partner is okay with it then let it be. Regardless you don’t say anything to her. He is a grown adult if he wants to say something to her he can.
To your “I think I have a say-so” you don’t.
Its a touch and go if momma sais so kind of situation and those are rough ! Wanting your husband to have equal quality time with his children is not wrong and the ex may be a bit spiteful because your hubby moved on so she may use the kids as leverage. Its obvious they were married and divorced and from said marriage had children. The ex may be the primary custodial parent but it seems they share joint custody. You aren’t wrong wanting the kids and their father to have their time. If its court ordered the ex is in content and you can file a motion to modify the custody papers. Unless the children are abused or neglected the ex has no reason to interfere with your husbands visitation time, and no her not liking you doesn’t matter! she will have to get over that. You are married to the man and its obvious you care for his children and want what’s best for them. There has to be some sort of compromise for the kids sake putting your differences aside. Talk to your husband and voice your concerns. Speak to the ex let her know you aren’t the enemy , let her know your intentions. Sometimes when exes remarry the bio moms feel that they are being replaced or the kids may side with the step parent. It will take time to ease into this new role . give it time!
If he’s not putting his foot down why should u? Not to make u feel any type of way. Just saying he’s the other parent. If he has an issue he should voice it. I would honestly stay out of it.
You can give him your opinion, but the order of posession is ultimately between them. If I want to do something on my ex’s legally appointed time, I ask if we can switch so he’s not jipped and vice versa. While we have the order and mostly follow it, we try to be flexible if the other needs it because life happens and it doesn’t always fit into a predetermined calendar. If he allows his ex to pick up the kids, that’s on him.
First and foremost she should be acting like a grown woman and learn how to have respect for you and your husband ,her ex and she shouldn’t be taking advantage of him like she does I call that very childish cuz that’s exactly how she’s acting childish she knows the law that it is his weekend she is not supposed to be taking the kids away from him until it is time for them to go back home and she knows this and you people sitting there saying that the stepmom shouldn’t be allowed to have any say so that’s where you’re dead wrong she’s married to him now it may be their children but she is the stepmother and she has a little bit of say so I don’t care what y’all say they should all get along and she shouldn’t be treating his wife like that ,that is very childish she needs to grow up her whining to get her way very childish maybe he should have custody not her because she acts too much like a baby not a parent she should be doing activities for them on her days and weekends not his you should all learn this because that is how a family should be whether it is stepmom step dad mom dad they should work together about things and with this woman this mother who’s always taking the kids away from him that’s very damn wrong of her to do… this has pissed me off I can’t stand a whiny little baby and that is exactly how his ex is acting like a little baby she’s not a grown woman she’s not a mother she is a child trying to raise children …she should get along with you and maybe she will realize that you are not a bad person, plus she shouldn’t be turning his kids against you if that is what she is doing… 
It all depends, if there is a court order for her 100% and she just lets him have every other weekend then he has to obey her rules. However if court order saying he gets certain amount and she tries to go against that, then he needs to keep documentation of that (text, phone calls) and take them to his lawyer! If there is no court order then whoever has the kids at the time, the other parent can not take the kids from the other parents property, without consent or if the kids go willingly! Honestly he needs to put his foot down and talk to a lawyer if she does not listen to him! However, you can talk to him about it, but do NOT go to bat with the mom unless the kids are being harmed!
I’m not in this situation, but how about if he tries to pick the kids up on her Saturday to take the kids out for lunch or a movie or something. Maybe she’ll see the light!
It is not right for her to take the children out, even for a short while during his visitation time. He too has rights & her custody dosent give her all the power.
Special events, such as a school friends birthday party, she has no control over. She has control to make the appropriate arrangements to ensure that time is made up.
Sounds as though the dad needs to get the ex to court & ensure his rights are not stomped on.
All people should get along especially if they have kids and they are co-parenting and if they have a step father or mother in there they should all get along
Mind your business- your the “step” mom
Are his weekends court ordered??
If so then yes his weekend…his decision…
The only rights you have is that this is you and your husband house so you two decide the rules…
How old are the boys??? By your post I’m thinking under 10…
Just make plans as a family…make sure dad has alone time with them…love them .
It’s really up to your husband to set the rules with ex… sounds like she is out to cause trouble… don’t let it…I sat down with ex and had conversation with her…my house…we can do this easy or hard…I love the kids and want them to know their dad and have a great relationship for life with him… it’s up to you if you want a harmonious household for the kids…even invite ex to family BBQ…show kids that just because they are not together it doesn’t mean their lives have to be hell…be the grownup…good luck