Rightfully Concerned?

For a bit of quick background, I (24f) live with my bf (29m) and have been doing so for around a year and a half. We met online and dated long distance for a little over a year before I made the big move across the country to both be with him and pursue a new change in my life. Neither of us make much money so our finances tend to cause stress but we make through it, and for the most part everything is great and we’re extremely happy.

However, I recently noticed that he looks up videos on social media of other women (not ones he knows, girls who are like influencers) specifically searching for girls with large behinds and the like. I’m not a large girl but I’m also not a stick, I’m more than well endowed, but unfortunately have gained a bit of weight since high school due to a combination of depression and general laziness and bad eating habits. I don’t have the best track history with relationships, having been used and mentally abused by two previous exes (there’s a reason why they’re exes) so my self esteem is extremely low even though I put on a good front and my SO always tries to lift me up. I feel like I’m not good enough for him because my eating and sleeping habits are poor and I don’t make enough money.

To add onto this, even though I’m 24, my parents recently went through a nasty divorce where my mother was cheating on my father for a year and has shown no remorse over her actions, so despite my being an adult, these events have essentially flipped my world upside down and caused me to have questions in my own relationship even though it shouldn’t. The long distance from my family is not helping the situation and my SO has a hard time understanding my mental illness and how badly it’s been affected by this.

To wrap it up, I suppose my question comes down to, is it normal for men to look at other women (they don’t know) online twerking and whatnot? Is it just my low self esteem and past trauma that’s causing me to feel uncertain in my relationship over this? And how do I get my SO to better understand my struggles with depression?

Any advice helps, and please no judgement. Thank you.

I think it’s normal for men, & woman, to watch porn. So I don’t feel like it’s necessarily bad that he looks up videos. Some woman don’t agree with that and consider it cheating, so however you feel about is how you feel. I would bring it up and just say “I noticed you look up this type of video a lot…” and see where that takes you. How you feel about yourself is also not helping the situation. My best advice for that… create better habits. It’s all small simple things that can really make a difference… drink a lot water, take vitamins, 6 small meals through the day not 3 large, drink green tea (with honey & cinnamon- personal choice) before bed, eat smaller portions that have more nutrients so you’ll feel full, do simple workouts ( 1 set of 15 ; sit ups, leg lifts - regular and scissor) & add another set each week. You can do it! It’s good for your relationship but most importantly YOU!