Dear Mom, you are going to do what you want. Why are you asking social media? Maybe, if so many people agree with you you can go to their DAD and say… see I was right! Why not ask…IDK…your children’s pediatrician? Having children not sleep with you gives them the ability to self-soothe. If you love your boyfriend and loved your baby daddy you are really disrespecting them. I do agree children come first. If you really want to soothe them … go into their rooms. Maybe you need your children as a live teddy bears? You have deep mental health issues, please seek counseling. Is that why you and your baby daddy separated?
Sometimes child predators, prey on single moms with young children. Letting men move in too fast could be a red flags. Just a thought.
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As parents our job is to teach them the necessary things to survive on their own. From the information you have given, it seems as if you do the co-sleeping for you and not for them. Perhaps you should take a step back and think about the whole picture…anything we do for our children should be done because it’s what’s in their best interest, not necessarily in our best interest.
If you continue on the helicopter mom pattern, it’s likely the kids will be less than friendly with you as they age…kids need a little room to grow. I have four grown children and was very protective, not helicopter protective but protective non the less, so I speak from some experience.
Also, it’s probably not a good idea to have children older than toddler age in the same bed or even room with you and your significant other. Their other parent can take you to court over it because it makes it appear of poor judgment on your part, for many reasons. However, I think you already know all of this, you are just hoping that we could tell you something different to make you feel better.
Good luck with the co-parenting now and the years yet to come, it doesn’t get any easier.
They need their own bedroom and it may even be a law in your State. Especially when there is a divorce! Also your boyfriend is a stranger so they may feel scared to tell you they want their own bedroom! And when they do get their own rooms keep a close eye on them! I am not saying anything about your boyfriend because I don’t know him but statistically a lot of children become victims when a stranger is in the house. Also if they tell you something always believe them! Especially with COVID. Also let’s reverse the situation and if the kids slept in their father’s room or bed when they are with him. How would you feel? I’m not taking a side but it’s best for the kids to have them own space! It helps them grow and become independent. Let the kids pick out beds and bedding and pillows & stuffed animals and things like that! My son had a car bed. He loved that bed. Always make it fun! They will love it!
Good luck!
Honestly I have no problem with co sleeping. Whatever works for you. I didn’t have my husband sleep over with my daughter before we were married. That’s my personal preference. If your daughter was in the bed it might be a little weird. If it causes a problem for your ex getting them to sleep when they’re with him I can see his concerns, but my daughter is 11 and still goes back and forth she understands that things are done differently at each household.
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So I would have NOT been comfortable with my child sleeping in the bed with my ex and his girlfriend… not even a little bit. The kids should definitely be in their own beds. It just isn’t proper in any way. I can promise you that if your ex pushed it, you could have some major custody issue problems.
I believe children should sleep in their own beds, unless they are going through a stressful time, but it should be very temporary. If your boyfriend is there no, that is very inappropriate. You will cripple their development by keeping them so close. They need to learn to sleep on their own as much as they need to learn to walk and talk. Letting go is the most difficult part of being a parent.
I maybe old fashion but kids should sleep in their own beds in their own room. Adults need their space and privacy.
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I have three children the youngest is 44 I have never in my life let my children sleep in bed with me and my husband my mother never did it and my grandmother never did it and my children don’t do it I don’t think that’s a healthy thing that’s only my opinion
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My 4 year old has his bed in our room, and he has a big boy bed in his room waiting. There is too much danger in his room, its on the opposite side of the house. He could be very hurt, or worse, before I know it!
There are dangers to cosleeping, but that is transitional.
You decide what works for you and your kids. Dad decides what works for him and his kids. The kids will end up in the bed at some point either way!
I feel that you need to get the kids into their own room and beds. All of you need that space and privacy. Not good for anyone.
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My kids slept with me till they were 6/7… I was divorced & loved my kids with me. They are all grown up…Doesn’t make you a bad mother having your kids sleep with you. Enjoy them while they are little. I didn’t let my kids sleep in my bed when i had a boyfriend i dated for 3 yrs in 2008 & we got married in 2011.
Help them to fall asleep if needed, read books and make the regular bedtime a bonding moment but let them sleep on their own. 6 year old child should be quite independent. 8 years old can practically go on overnight YMCA camp without parent … that is in 2 years for your daughter. If she would sleep with you for other year no way she would feel confident to explore the summer independently following year. The younger one could be together in the room with the older one. Siblings at this age like yo sleep together. But again I do not think with children anything should be by the book. Follow your mother’s instinct.
BUT if your boyfriend is sleeping in your house in your bedroom it is a big NO to me. On many levels it is wrong, for the kids for sure but also not good got your relationship.
I have a different perspective as my kids are grown up now. They co-slept with me growing up until their dad said no once they turned 4. Than they each had their own beds, but i would find them sharing a bed in the morning. I always thought they were happy well adjusted kids. Until my 22 year old had a breakdown when her fiance left. She had never slept alone before that, and called crying every night for a long time. She didn’t know how to self soothe and it was a rough lesson to learn so late in life.
Generally letting your children sleep with you beyond toddler age is not considered a good idea mainly because it slows the process of becoming independent. That said, every child is different. Maybe asking a qualified counselor you both trust for input is in order…
Everyone is different.
When I had my son but did not live with his dad. My house (1 bedroom in my parents house)we coslept and his dads house he slept in his own bed (a lot of tears).
I had my daughter and she coslept with me at my house but not her dads (she shared a bed with her brother at their dads - they are 3 years apart).
I had my second daughter she coslept at my house and at her dads. We moved in together after she turned one and she shared a room with her sister and every night came and got in bed with me.
My husband (their dad) we split when my youngest was 4 and she slept in my bed and she did it constantly until she was 13.
Once my older two got their own room they never came back in my bed.
Being in mental health, I first want to say that children sleeping with their bio parent is not a bad thing. HOWEVER, adding a boyfriend to the picture is dangerous. The statistics for abuse with children when an outside man is brought into the picture is alarming and allowing a cosleeping situation is not acceptable.
They need to sleep in their own rooms. I made the mistake of letting my last one sleep with me . I couldn’t get him out of my bed until he was 6. Then he cried at night and would lay in the floor outside my bedroom door. I like to have never got him to sleep in his own room. Your boyfriend needs to go sleep at his own house. Your children dont need to get attacked to him in case of a break up. They have already had to loose one male figure in their lives. Your ex is right. Unless you and your boyfriend become man and wife he needs to be in his own bed. You are putting your feelings ahead of what’s good for your kids. I know it’s hard but you have to do what’s best for your children.
Hard for me to think the boyfriend is ok with sleeping arrangements. A little weird. I can understand you wanting to be close before the boyfriend came in the picture. Your son is a little young, concerned about the girl however. What do you do with the children during sex? I hope they are NOT in the room.
I think you each have to have your own house rules, and the kids should have some input. I would never push my kids away, they are only little for a short time. That said, its important to understand their dad’s motivation. Does he trust your boyfriend? I don’t blame him for being a little worried about that. its important to reassure him he can trust the boyfriend, having the 2 meet if needed. This is for both of your protection in case he ever wants to change custody. Now it sounds like hes a solid guy and that wont happen, but best to protect yourseld.
I don’t think they should sleep anywhere near the boyfriend,just not a good idea
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Its hard to do and I totally get it. I am Quilty of it too. Made a mistake when we my son was young and I just wanted sleep when he was small and allowed him to sleep with us. After awhile he started just getting too old for it an by that he was 5. I had to start making him sleep in his own room and what I did to get him used to it is put a night light in their and tv put it on and lay down with him til he feel asleep then went to my room. If I remember he woke up a few times and i just laid back down til he fall asleep and leave. I would start now making them because its just going to get harder if u keep putting it off. That way u are on the same routine as what the kids dad does.
So by them sleeping In your room, I’m assuming that you’re having sex in that room as well!!! You should never let a BF and not the kids father co-sleep in a bed with the two of you!! My dad drove truck when we were younger so we all piled up in the same room with my mom !! I understand that it’s hard to separate yourself from them but with a man that is not the father, he should not be co-sleeping
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My son is 4 and he is still co sleeping and so is our 20 month old daughter. My 6 year old almost 7 year old daughter still comes in at times to sleep with us but co sleeps with her dad at his house. I dont see anything wrong with it. Its where she chooses to sleep. If your kids are ready they will let u know and if not then they will say so.
You do what is right for you and your family in your home. They will outgrow it at some point. Enjoy it while it lasts, mama.
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You are so wrong for this they need to bed in their own bed and room
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Just my opinion, no arguments intended. First off, the baby comes home from hospital. Yes most try to keep them in same room. Bed is no, as so many have died from parent rolling over on them.
So no need to “really” explain it all. Everything starts at the beginning. Move from bassinet to crib to toddler bed to twin/double bed. Marry move out.
The hard part is you now have to break the cycle you started. YES, they need their room. Their bed, their space (toys, tv etc) now if they are sick or scared, you go to THEIR room to comfort.
We always had that “time” on Sat or Sun & holiday when everyone tussled on Moms bed. But daytime and if you choose evening well lit and off to their bed. This way they know room is not tabu, but big people room.
Set rules with them, maybe have them help write them, knock to come in, (my kids to this day, 2 birth, 4 adopted fosters) Moms bed is that “ I need to talk to you spot”…mom can tell when something bothering them and all I’d say “we need go to bedroom)
It sounds like ex is being patient, but I wouldn’t push it. EXPLAIN EXPLAIN EXPLAIN to kids why you do things. They are sharp these days, really sharp!!
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Let them sleep with you if that makes them comfortable. When they’re at their dad’s, they are under dads rules. At your home, use your best judgment. Their happiness is all that counts.
They should sleep in their own bedroom. It’s been long overdue. Plus with two households sends mixed messages. Let there be continuity.
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They should be in their own rooms
Especially if your boyfriend stays over
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They need their own rooms and they need to be independent from you and your boyfriend that’s just not healthy
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A judge and cps will look down on that, even if you have good intentions, i didnt even have a man and i was fighting for my granddaughter and she wasnt allowed to sleep with me.
Two different homes. Two different dynamics. I think that the kids will understand the expectations and to leave it up to them. If they enjoy the arrangements at your place let it be. Just because he struggles to get them to sleep doesnt mean that’s how it needs to or must be. You are their mother and you can do what you think is best in your home as he can do on his time with them. There are some things you can agree to disagree on and this is one of those things.
I would question how you would feel if it were the other way around. Would you feel comfortable knowing your ex was sharing a bed with your little one along with his new gf?
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In my opinion at least start with getting your oldest into her own room. This may quell some if the issue for a bit. Also have a candid conversation with the ex to see if he may be having issues with the kids at his house. Because if he or his partner don’t sleep well with the kids in bed then maybe you and him need to find a bedtime routine for both houses that you can agree on.
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You are being selfish and insecure about them sleeping in their own room. Once a child turns 5 he/she should be in their own room. They will be developing physically and especially a boy. Not appropriate.
They should definitely sleep in their own room. They don’t belong with you and a boyfriend
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In their own rooms … it may be fine every now and then if there is a nightmare or if they are sick etc but for continuities sake between households it would be good for them to be sleeping on their own
In their own rooms. I think your ex has a valid request. You can cuddle, read a book, tell a story, etc to help them fall asleep in their bed. Naps are good cuddle times too. 
No child should sleep with a non parent. Especially ‘boyfriend’.
(Check the statistics!)
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I am astonished that there is even a question about this.
You are in bed with your boyfriend AND your children?
I do not know a single psychologist that would think this is healthy. You are lucky the father has not gone to court for custody on these circumstances. He would win.
Clearly you want what is best for your children. Everyone sleeping together is not what is best .
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In their own rooms. Helps develop their own sleeping habits to know how to be able to settle themselves down to sleep. Also develops independence.
I think them sleeping in your room isn’t an issue. But I do think them sleeping in your bed with your boyfriend is. As far as it making them want to sleep with dad. Nah if dad has always had them in their own room they should be fine.
I think it’s highly inappropriate for you and your boyfriend to be sleeping together with your children. Either put the children in their own rooms, or the boyfriend in the guest bedroom or send him home at night. A good decent man would not be ok with cosleeping like this. Just saying…
Their own rooms and beds. It’s all about boundaries. I’m surprised your boyfriend puts up with it.
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Get them out of your bed and out of your room. Kids DO NOT need to sleep with mommy and daddy and definitely not with mommy and boyfriend ! Your husband is right. Social services might give you trouble if they found out.
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Your kids fathers knows best you wouldn’t understand it because ur not a father he might see something off towards your new bf that’s why he wanted that… for me you better listen to him because it’s not for you it’s for the sake of the daughter always keep an eye on your daughter because your bf is a stranger for your kids
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We are the only species on earth that push away our young.
You might start by laying with them until they fall asleep in their room in their bed.
You could even bunk them together until they want to be alone.
You take care and fallow your heart. It’ll come to you.
The kids sleeping with you will not warp them. What will mess with their little minds is the fact you bring your boyfriend to your bed with the kids in there. Do you not realize they can wake up and see you and your boyfriend making out. I’m not condemning you just hoping you can see what this can do to your children.
Under NO circumstamce should your children be sleeping in the same room as your bf. End of story.
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The problem I have with the toddler sleeping in the same bed is one or both adults rolling on or crushing the baby. It happened to us. So no more babies in our bed
I don’t have a problem with the cosleeping but I can see your ex’s point because of the boyfriend. I think they maybe the issue he doesn’t feel it’s appropriate for the boyfriend to be in the same bed as his children and not being mean but you just need to let them sleep on the own especially the six year old she is big enough to.
Time to allow children to be children. Let them sleep in their own room in their own bed. Having three children, one angel, an adult and a 11 YO we all slept in our own beds and rooms. Sometimes I want to cuddle up with my son and we started doing that while we watch our favorite TV show. So please allow your children to become independent from you, they will always come back for more support.
I would have them sleep in their own rooms because everyone deserves privacy and space including you and your man.it can’t be easy to try and start something with 2 sleeping kids in your room including your bed.it’ll only get harder the longer you wait
My personal opinion here.
It’s not a good idea for several reasons.
The main one that is most present in my mind is there safety.
I don’t think it is smart to let a boyfriend sleep in the same room with children. It’s just way too common for that to lead to problems.
It’s your house, your children, your choice. You asked, I told my side.
In their own rooms. I’d never want my children sleeping next to an ex’s girlfriend. Bc no matter how comfortable they feel with their new gf/bf, that’s not their baby. It’s mine. And I would totally understand if my ex felt the same. It’s just good practice.
“I will have a harder time than they will.” This is the part that you need to think about. Why? We had three daughters who would all come in our bed in the morning . We called it bungling and it was fun. It seems at six your daughter should have her own room, two is a good age for that too.
You are still married and your boyfriend has no business sleeping at your house. You shouldn’t be having a boyfriend get that close to your kids until it’s a permanent situation. If it doesn’t workout they lose.
It is inappropriate and you could lose custody of your children if this is an issue in court. Especially since you have already admitted it on social media
The older one should probably sleep in there own room. Younger one probably has a year or two before they probably should but if you start early it’ll be easier. But also not my kids, infact I don’t even have kids, so do what makes you happy.
Why does everyone keep using the word “boyfriend” like I’m an escort and he is just one of my customers. I am going to marry this man one day…or I may not. I have several friends who don’t believe in marriage and have been with their men/children’s fathers for 10+ years. Just because I use the term “boyfriend” does not make him any less of a person…he is an amazing step parent to my kids and loves them so much…and they love him. He is so special to all of us and is a godsend to me after my divorce…I wouldn’t be able to make it without him.
What happens if you and your boyfriend break up and you find another? Do you think it’s appropriate for children to see mommy sleeping in a bed with someone who she is not married to? What kind of message does this send them? Grow up, if you want to sleep with your boyfriend, go to his house and do it…alone.
The jury is out for me. I see benefits. Many people don’t understand trauma. I’m raising am 11 yr old grandson. I’m nearing 70, grandpa is 77. He had a separation anxiety from desertion, self harm, and orhers. It’s been over 2 years and he still likes to get in bed with me. We don’t snuggle and he can’t sleep there. We talk and share. My advice is consider your own situation. We’re not there and none of us has all the answers. BE careful and talk with your daughter about a timeline. Calendars at that age work
I’m not so sure a child sleeping in room with boyfriend , like when your intimate and the kids are in room , not my business but yeah I wouldn’t allow my kid to sleep all night in room with my exs new relationship , I have a stepson that gets in bed with us in am, but it took 4 years to allow it
They need to be on the same sleep schedule at both parents. It’s inappropriate for them to be sleeping with you and boyfriend. What kind of message does that tell your children.
Kids need to go to there room now. You and your boyfriend need privacy and alone time. You will regret it if you dont do it now. You will be making your kids unsecured
Many cultures allow children to share the parent’s bed or bedroom.area…
Our culture seems not.prefer children in their own rooms for privacy when parents are amorous, children when they get curious and especially when those.little.feet.kick dad in his baby maker.
Sadly now a days you also need to have a separation for safety of Both children and adults and comments taken the wrong way with a result of claims of serial abuse.
No way in hell do you let your boy toy sleep with your kids, in the same room…what values are you showing your children, first daddy , now boy toy, and how many more in the future, it’s even wrong to have her bed next to yours…oh boy!
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I wouldn’t want some guy sleeping with my kids either or wife put yourself in his shoes 1st your still married you couldn’t wait till your divorced not a good example for your kids at all 
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Maybe start with your toddler sleeping on a cot in your room and gradually transition him into his own space. He needs continuity in both homes.
Kids need to be in their own rooms in their own beds. Establish a bedtime routine after baths, story time, or some quiet activity and prayer or meditation. Let them pick out some type of night lamp, light or ceiling art if they need that. Then kisses and good night.
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I’m not trying to be rude but i’m my opinion kids should only sleep with actual parents not moms boyfriends. I don’t trust people when it comes to my kids you never really know someone. I would probably say that’s what the children’s father is upset about and i definitely see where he’s coming from sorry.
Mine was like sleep over because I have 6 children but they all turned out fine
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I have to wonder what kind of men some people dated… the outrage of the kids’ being in bed with another man AND their mother. I don’t agree with just living together, however, if mom AND kids are more comfortable, it’s her home and she’s responsible to help them feel safe. I have grandkids that sleep with me and their Papa when they stay the night. Everything isn’t sexual and weird… there’s nothing wrong with cuddling your kids or grandchildren in my opinion. Good luck, Mama, follow your heart!
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Be very careful with your kids sleeping in the bed with you and your boyfriend, it can cause problems where there are non just let 1 sick person say you guys are doing the nasty with them in your bed or that the boyfriend has touched one. Be careful I seen a friend go through HELL over a lie. Please be careful.
I think you should let them sleep where they want, their only for a little while and won’t be in there forever plus they won’t be doing everything the same in each house anyways, there will always be the well I can do it at my dads or vice versa might as well soak it up and enjoy it while you can
Routine is best. What happens in one should be followed in the other. Never a good idea to have your kids sleep in your room or co sleeping. Get them in their own rooms asap.
I don’t see a problem with your child sleeping with you. Where I see a problem is your boyfriend sleeping with you and your child. I can see where your ex would have issue with that. If the boyfriend stays, then I think you should put your son in his own bed. If you want to snuggle him to sleep, do it in his bed.
children should only sleep with their parents as a treat not on a regular basis
My son is well adjusted as well and was with me for years. They will be fine.
I dont think you should be sleeping with your boyfriend until you are married. What are you teaching your children?
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I used to get my som for visits he slept in the bed by himself and we would sleep in the living room. My son n my hubby r close. They would go fishing together and do the boy stuff cuz I don’t like worms n bugs 
but they do ! So, we don’t co-sleep with my boy. Now some mornings he will come jump on us and want snuggles until I make breakfast which is great maybe allow those things instead of cosleeping it’s good for them to have their own space
I would respect bio dad’s opinion. He isn’t asking for too much to be honest.
How would you feel if the situation was reversed? How would you feel if dad had the kids sleeping in the bed with him and his girlfriend? Would you be 100% comfortable? Would you ask that your kids sleep in their own rooms? How would you feel if you felt better having the kids in their own rooms but every time they went to the other parents house the kids would come home screaming and crying to sleep in the bed with you? Maybe look at it from you childrens father’s perspective and try to really feel his feelings on this and then do whatever you think is in the best interest of the kids
With the mother and father it’s ok but not with a boyfriend.
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If you and your ex have joint custody, and the kids are there a couple times a week. Having consistency is good for everyone. If you have custody, and he only has them every other weekend, then do what’s comfortable for you
They need to sleep in there own beds
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Being consistent in two households will drive you bonkers. It’s not realistic in the long wrong. Kids adjust. I’ve been coparenting for the last 5 years. My kids sleep in my bed, and they have their own bed at dads. Kids adjusted within a couple months and it’s not an issue. I’m currently laying in my bed with my three babies. 11, 8, and 7. Listening to them snore and at peace it’s finally quiet ish haha.
If my child were cosleeping in the same bed as an adult that wasn’t their parent, I would be uncomfortable with it.
Your children are both yours and yours ex’s equally. This is something he feels strongly about and I think it’s a reasonable request. His children sleeping with another man would be very uncomfortable.
I strongly support co sleeping and if you were separated but single I don’t think this would even be an issue. Beings that dynamic is altered I personally feel this would definitely be an issue to being accommodating with. As you coparent through the years that door will swing both ways.
I can almost guarantee he doesnt necessarily have a problem with “YOU” co-sleeping. Its because you have your boyfriend in the bed too. I personally wouldn’t want my children sleeping next to boyfriend/girlfriend either.
Let them. They will decide when they are ready my great niece did on her own she decided over Christmas break we didn’t push
Everyone should be in their own beds including the boyfriend.
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They need to learn to sleep in their own rooms
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Let them sleep where they want. If they like to sleep with you and you don’t mind then it shouldn’t be an issue.
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The first part of your story is my husband and I are separated. That to me is a red flag. You need to figure out your on life before you confuse your children. In my opinion your boyfriend shouldn’t be a live in if your still married.
Gotta agree with everyone saying not if the boyfriend is in there. My son was 6 when I started dating my now husband and I wouldn’t ever let him sleep in our room. And I wouldn’t let his dad let him and his gf in the room if my son was in there either.
I was a single mother fir 12 years. I’ve never let bf or date sleep in my house . I never introduce any man to my children unless is a serious relationship. Never had a man sleep in my house. My priorities are my children and they sleep in the their own bedrooms. Your bf should go home to his own house.
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I loved co-sleeping with my son. But I understand why dad is not okay with it. It’s one thing to co-sleep with only you. But another man in the bed makes it really weird.
And if this boyfriend leaves, will your children be sleeping with the replacement,or replacements. This is not healthy. It is creepy.