My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We have a baby due on April 2 via c-section. He has two teenagers and a three-year-old from separate mothers that we see every other weekend. Recently, he was supposed to meet with the 3 yr olds mother to get on the same page as far as discipline, but she never showed up. The weekend we were supposed to get the 3 yr old, I asked him to text her and make sure we were going to get him. He told me he did and that he was waiting for her to text him back. When I checked his phone, he had never texted her at all. Up until recently, he has been adamant about his youngest, but it seems like he has given up. We have not seen the 3 yr old in 2 months. Should I ask him why he lied and why he never got ahold of her? Or should I keep out of the whole thing?
You should ask about it.
If he’s lying to you about msging her and stuff there’s more to it then just that.
You seriously shouldn’t even be going through his phone! That’s not your place nor your business!!! As far as him not seeing the child that’s his choice not yours…
Technically if y’all are together everything is your business because y’all are all a family, but I wouldn’t stay with a deadbeat, if he can’t help support his other kids he isn’t gonna help support the baby he is having with you, I’d definitely be asking a bunch of questions looking for answers
Why you snooping on his phone?
I would ask communication is key and he should get into the healthy habit. Id be worried if he does it with him will he do this with our kid if we were to break up. Just talk to him maybe hes afraid.
Mmm, I would reach out to the mother.
You have a right to miss the baby and want to say hello and how he’s doing.
I would probably give the dad a heads up and ask if he’d like to be involved too.
Maybe he is seeing the kid on his own. But yea I would ask him why he lied.
If you’ve been together for a year how come you don’t have the mothers number god forbid an emergency. If you do I would contact her and ask her how the child is doing that you miss him. Ask if everything is alright since you haven’t seen him.
If you’re snooping then I am guessing there are other issues going on. You should definitely DEFINITELY talk to him! If you can’t trust him then you need to know now not after your baby is here.
You should find out why for sure
Definitely approach him on this.
Little lies lead to bigger lies!!!
I’d never be with a boy who doesn’t see their kids regularly. A real man would never give up and make sure he sees his kids regularly.
That would be a red flag.
Mind your business, not your kid, good you make efforts but again not your business.
Not. Your. Business.
You’re better off asking yourself how well do you really know him. You say you have been together 1 yr, yet you are about to have a baby. Math says you with him what 3 months before you got pregnant? You obviously don’t trust him of you’re going through his phone
You don’t need to be nowhere near that situation
Look up the “Nacho kid” method. Nacho kid Nacho problem.
Keep out of it. Its between him and his child’s mother.
Everyone does the phone snooping at one point even if they pretend not to lol. I do agree that if he is showing apathetic behavior towards his other kids he will likely act no different with yours. I was in the same situation and now my ex sees our daughter a couple hours a month even tho he lives in the same apartment complex Good luck
To me it is his child. He should be the one worried about making arrangements to see him. And why are you going through his phone?
On a different note completely unrelated this is called “mama’s uncut”? Correct? So why are men commenting also I’d ask my bf is going through the same thing. Difference is his ex is petty and uses their son as a pawn. Idk why he doesn’t take her to court. That little boy deserves better.
So sad kids can’t help it
I’d want to know why the child hasn’t been coming over, you clearly enjoy the child’s company and have a child due soon which will be his sibling. I’d want to know if it’s the dad making no effort or if it’s the mum… I’d be upset if the dad has cut ties, it’s not the child’s fault and doesn’t deserve it.
Not your business unless you’re married
My first thought is, could he be behind in child support? If so he knows there is trouble. Second thought is, could you have broken trust with him by going through his phone? Phones are like personal property. I don’t have passwords on mine but if someone is going through it without me knowing all helll would break loose. Be honest and talk to the man!
I would ask. I can not be with a man that is not active in his kids life. Would it be your problem if he was on child support and those funds are coming from your household? His business is your business. This could be you and your child.
Why check his phone? U mad? Keep your nose out nothing to do with u
I’d run. If he doesnt take care of the kids he has don’t expect him to take care of this one.
Yall are crazy saying its not her business. I cannot believe yall think that way!! Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who dont take care of their kid? You should definitely ask him!
I would bring up that I miss his little one. And try to be supportive and patient if he opens up about what’s going on, while making it know that the little one is missed and should be seeing his dad.
I would definitely ask why he didn’t get ahold of her. To me it sounds like she is keeping the child from him and he’s not trying to fight it. And if it is a court ordered custody agreement maybe he is just documenting everything to try to get more time and I can’t believe all the people saying “not your business” like ooookayyyy. It IS her business because they are in a relationship, live together, and she is helping to raise that child. Clearly she is concerned for a reason. Maybe she’s worried about his well being (which if that’s the case definitely do a welfare check girl) but she has built a relationship with that child as well. My father’s first wife has an older son from someone else and my dad still had a lot to do with him growing up because for a huge portion of his life he raised him and was his father figure. Just because him and her split doesn’t mean he stopped caring about the kid. Y’all’s heartless.
I couldn’t be with someone that didn’t bother to see their kid. Could be you next
you are step mom and should see that the child is looked after and loved
Yeah I would ask. Why? Because it’s my business, his character as a person. I’d have serious misgivings about why he’s not proactive about being in his own child’s life-discipline concerns or not. He has to care about his own flesh and blood.
You should get to the bottom of it. Find out what actually happened. I personally would not stay with someone who doesn’t parent their child.
Wow. He’s got a great track record. Great idea getting pregnant with that “boyfriend”. Hope you’re prepared to be ex baby momma number three…that you know of.
Maybe he just deleted their convo ?
One thing I tell woman who try to getting me and my daughters fathers relationship… because it isnt her business but Also you should never push a relationship because when you leave, who’s going to be there to keep that relationship going??? The child gets hurt.
I’d ask. My ex dates a girl who doesn’t care about our children- so that just makes him not call, text, or want to see them (unless it’s around a bday or holiday) it really hurts the kids
First off. If my man had kids and didn’t man up he wouldn’t be my man.
This doesnt have anything to do with u whatsoever so butt out of it.
You should ask but baby momma is probably just ignoring it . He should keep texting every weekend he’s supposed to. Show up on time and if she refused to hand him over have the police show up to make a report.
Get down to it ask him he might be hiding some stuff from you
I’ve seen some situations like this he’s going to do the same to you …
You makeure he sees tht bby
Of course you should ask. Of course a couple should be transparent with each other.
I would ask him. I would also ask YOURSELF, if you’re ready to be next
Why wouldn’t you ask?? He’s gonna do the same thing to you and your baby if you don’t get to the bottom of it. Huge red flag.
It could be he is struggling with anxiety, also not wanting to hear another no and give up completely, some people deal better with certain upsetting situations by ignoring them, is only a short term fix, to how they are feeling. I think he might be struggling emotionally. Still ask him, but also listen, but is very important to explain to him, that the child is the one suffering the most, that him and the mother needs to try a little harder, as the more people involve ans loving that child as she grows the better.
Go ahead if you want him to know you was snooping in his phone. But be prepared for his wrath. Me personally I would keep my mouth shut so I can keep snooping in his phone.
Goodness a lot of woman on here need to get some class. She didn’t ask for opinions about her life or her relationship. She asked what she should do about her S.O and how to handle it. Why everyone felt the need to put her under the lense is BEYOND me. Makes no sense. This woman sounds like a good person who would like to see the man doing the right thing.
Hun, I am a woman’s woman. I won’t tear you down or put you under scrutiny. I would suggest you sit him down and express your concerns as far as the young child goes and express to him that you don’t want to see him being an in and out dad as he’s about to be your baby’s dad. Best of luck!
The fact people are actually saying it’s not her business is weird to me. If you together you’re suppose to make your man better. Simple as that. better man better father. If you’re planning for a future with said “man” then push him to do better. If he can’t man up and do better by his children then save yourself and leave. because it could very well be you in this situation.
Just ask him, he’s your partner
In our case my husband was just tired. He had given up, found it too much communication for him, and slacked off. I had to think long & hard about whether or not I wanted to intervene because once you take over a job (from your man) he won’t willingly take it back.
After we had discussed, I took over communicating with his ex because I wanted his other kids to develop a relationship with mine & his laziness was getting in the way. End result: I’m happy because he does enjoy spending time with them but just not the ‘regular communication with ex’ part. I’m also happy because I get to develop a relationship with my step children, I’ve got an understanding with his ex & my own kids know who their siblings are.
You are all family because of these kids. Talk about it with him & be open to whatever he says & how you can work on a solution together.
I would ask him what’s going on , and then depending on what he says would be my next move .
If he lies and wants to be irresponsible then I see red flags if he’s honest and says about a conversation he had with baby momma # whatever then I would reach out to her and see what’s going on with her and what the situation is sometimes the problem is that none of the adults have conversations or concern about the other adults feelings . Regardless u are with him and you are in the middle . At the end of the day if I stay or leave him that other kids are still blood related to your child and eventually they would meet or know of them sooner or later . So for you to know; because to everystory there is 2 sides of the story his and hers and neither one can be 100 because they say how they saw it and felt and that might not be the same for the other person .
so at the end what kind of person do you want to be and only u can answer that . I’m not saying invite the baby momma over and it’s ok to come whenever she wants when I’m there or not there will be boundaries . I am just saying kids don’t have no fault on who the adult choose to have children with so why do they have to suffer the consequences of their parents action . What’s better to be fatherless or have an additional help and have a step mom . If I was the other baby momma I would get the help if u are a good step parent too cuz I don’t know I would have to know u a lil better lol I hope this helps
When I first met my ex-husband, he told me that he was trying so hard to be in his baby’s life but the mother was a crazy bitch who kept her from him. Made it impossible to see her. I even tried to help him file for custody. The longer time went on, the more I realized her never really tried to see her. When we had a child, he slowly began wanting to be around us less and less. We split up (because he was an awful, nonpresent father) and couldn’t you guess it? I became the crazy bitch who never let him see his kid. Truth was, he never wanted to see her. He did this same thing twice more with two different women, and multiple other women with their own kids.
I’m not saying this is what your guy is doing exactly, but it could be a red flag.
So you are seeing first hand how he will be treating you and your child…
She didn’t show up to the visit he was supposed to have?
I think there is a lot more to this than him not texting her.
Why are you checking his phone? That’s not ok. You should not be forcing any relationship between him and a child even if you think it’s the right thing to do. Talk to him and get his point of view but it’s ultimately up to him if he chooses to go there . His regret his life.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you pushing him to be a better father, I had to step in at one point with my husband’s ex because the situation was toxic. Also don’t listen to all this nonsense about you are going to be next. There are many men out there that continue to fight for their children. They deal with narcissistic women and sometimes it gets to be to much. Talk to him, let him know you support him. Coparenting is extremely hard, especially if there is someone that makes it more difficult.
Sounds like a loser. Sorry, but you already know this. Perhaps this is a window into your future.
Well seems like he lies anyway, just message the mother
Why the lie? Oh honey I would be asking!!
He needs to get his shit together, I would ask! He needs to be a Dad to all the kids not just the new one each time. Sounds like he still has a lot of lessons to learn! Good luck.
First- I understand that, just because you may not have been with your boyfriend for as long as others would seem to prefer, doesn’t mean that you are not in a committed relationship full of trust and openness. My husband and I got together and pregnant in our 1st year together and are still blissfully in love and have a wonderful life with our 3 kids (the two oldest are from my previous marriage).
There was about a 2 month period where my ex did not call to set up a pickup so he could see the kids. I was livid. When he finally called, he admitted to me that he had gotten overwhelmed bc it was very hard to talk to me. I had a lot of anger towards him (reasons for getting divorced) and, while I tried to stay civil for the kids, sometimes it was hard and I’d let a little comment slip. While I hate to defend him here bc, hey, maybe he was lying, I realize now that maybe that point in time was very hard for him and he needed to take a step back and collect himself. I’m not saying that was the best choice for him to make- but I’m not perfect either. I shouldn’t expect him to be.
It’s been about 7 years and I learned a long time ago to just check myself, to make sure I’m not the one being a douche. Because the kids come first. So I guess my point of view is like your boyfriend’s ex so you are very much out of the loop. I would talk to your boyfriend. Go into the talk with an open and supportive heart. Give him the chance to confide in you because, if he can relate to my situation, maybe he is feeling very alone and hurt because he does miss his child.
Here is a plot twist…how is his ex? Does she treat you with respect and vise versa? Is she happy you are pregnant? The reasons why i ask these questions is because as much as some want to call him a dead beat i have seen many woman lie to get what they want and use the child, I saw one woman who cheated on her man, he broke up with her and she tried to make it like he was crazy and get full custody and never showed up to the visits when he had them and never once did she get in trouble when he took her back to family court, most states are a womans state, just because a man has 3 or 4 kids with different baby mama’s doesn’t mean he is a deadbeat I know a woman with 6 kids all different dads, gets child support for all of them and and has a beautiful apartment because of section 8. If you can not honestly answer the questions above because you don’t know her like that then tred lightly because some woman are very vindictive (because i do not know the background of her it is hard to say) but he could have lied because what else is he suppose to say " i can not see my son because you are having my baby?" " I can not see my son because I will not give her more child support?" And I have seen all of that in family court, my sons dad doesn’t see his kids and he doesn’t pay a dime in the past 2 years, do i withhold them? No, he just chooses not to see them and I can not make someone want to see there kids…there could be more to the story than you know so know all the facts before you come to any conclusion
I would be worried since you are also having a baby with him. That’s not cool.
Hell no. I’d be all up his ass about it. If he drops one kid, what makes you think he won’t up and drop yours?
You do realize he could’ve deleted the text messages, right? Not only that, you seem to have some trust issues with him if you’re checking his phone. You should probably keep out of that situation and hope you don’t end raising the baby that you are having by yourself.
Ahhh red flag if he could
Do it to his other kids he could do it to your child together. I would def say something and I’m glad you are trying to get him to see his other kid you are a good person
I wish the wife of my daughters bio father cared this much. I would say something.
Honestly, I learned the hard way with my ex husband that you can’t force a man to have a relationship with his children. Also remember he will do that to any children you have with him also. (My ex husband ended up leaving our three for over 5 years with zero contact)
You should definitely keep encouraging him to see his child/children. Never stop.
Text the mom, men love lying
You are having a baby with a man you barely know who has kids with multiple baby mamas, of which you happen to be the most recent. He is not showing signs of being responsible and surely he is paying a lot of child support (or not, which is another red flag). I’m sorry, but you should plan on being a single mom. Even if he stays with you, you always need to have the funds and fortitude to be able to leave if and when necessary.
There is nothing wrong with you pushing him to see his children because he needs to see them. With that said, you need to speak with him and see how he is feeling about it all. Men, and women, in that situation sometimes get overwhelmed with the whole thing. Maybe he has a hard time talking to the ex, sometimes even if things were okay when they broke things off it can be hard. More often than not there is an underlying reason, other than not wanting to see his child. If he is seeing the two teens with the other baby mom, and not the one with the 3 yr old, that may be a red flag. TALK TO HIM you won’t get anywhere if you don’t. Also maybe work on snooping through his phone, most people don’t like the disrespect involved.
I think I have an opposite experience my ex husband when I came in the picture didn’t have any custody of his one daughter and every other weekend with the other. Over the years we ended up with joint custody of both. But the mothers are very difficult. Since I left he barely sees them. Not all due to his fault.
However our son he sees all the time. We have joint 50/50. He always gets his time, he does the sports with him. So my point being that just because he’s that way with them doesn’t mean he will be with your child.
Well sweetheart, That’s a CLEAR indication of what kind of Father he ISNT!
Definitely can’t make him see his child he obviously doesn’t want to for some reason and I’d definitely be reconsider being with someone like that cause he’s showin what kinda father he is
He needs to try. Forcing him will only make you be the person to make the effort. Dealing with this now- on opposite ends.
Let God and your path as a momma takes its course.
Honestly stay out of it. This is between him and the mother. I will never understand why the gf always puts her self in the middle.