Should I be offended?

So a little back story- I have a 2 year old daughter and I just had my second baby a few months ago. It's a boy. I suffered from depression in the past before I even met my fiance or had children and after my son I got really bad into depression again. I was an emotional trainwreck.. my fiance works out of town and comes home on the weekends.. well my fiance and I got into an arguement a few weeks ago because I felt like he didn't love me anymore because he was always leaving to go do what he wanted to do and I was at home with the kids. When he would be home we would always argue and fight over stupid stuff but this time mid fight he said that he loves our daughter more than he loves me. He didn't even mention our 2 month old son.. should I be offended? How would that make you feel? Im glad he loves our daughter but why would he say it like that? It's been a few weeks now and we're getting along better but I can't help but keep thinking about him saying that to me. It hurt my feelings in a way. I guess I just want to know how other mama's would feel, maybe I'm over thinking it? please help.
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Sounds like he might be cheating honestly or not in love anymore. I would definitely consider couples counseling if he’s willing, or breaking things off because this isn’t healthy for you or your kids anymore

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I be offended?

I think it was meant more along the line of: when it comes to the women in my life our daughter is before you.
Like how some men put their mother before their wife. He announced his daughter is before you. Telling you what your place is in his heart and priorities.
Not shunning his son. The son just was not related to the subject at that moment.

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Men who say shit to hurt you are shitty men. If behavior slips back to old habits, leave. It won’t get better.

I’m glad he loves his kid more then you. But a love for a child is different then a love for a spouse. If you 2 are getting along better then try to ignore it.

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It’s been a few weeks. Why would you open up that door again?
I absolutely adore my husband but the love for my child is like no other. Unconditional. So I suppose I do love her more?

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Don’t be offended— just because he says he loves his daughter and didn’t mention the 2 mo. old means nothing. Just wait to see how well your future is heading. Don’t fight over stupid stuff. Try not to overthink things.

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I was like this after having my daughter, I realised I needed to get myself help and I did and we are alot better now :blush: go talk to your gp and get a mental health plan done with them and go from there :blush:

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sounds like he might think the baby isn’t his… for whatever reason. maybe he’s cheating and trying to project

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Many new mums are a little delicate after delivery. You need some quietness, rest and tender care. Avoid getting into fights with him and try to overlook somethings, so that you can gain strength. You need to be emotionally available for your young ones. Also take time to just rest and talk to someone when you feel overwhelmed.

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I love my daughter more than her dad. She is my blood,created by both of us , but the connection is very different.

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The love you have for your children versus the love you have for your spouse/partner is totally different … I love my children more than life itself and with my children there is NO ‘well if they did this or did that; … no, I love them no matter what’ … now a spouse or partner is different to me in that sense … because he or she could do something terrible to me and it might or could change my love/feelings for them… that’s my opinion on it.

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I think we need the context of how it was said to make any informed guesses about how he meant it

If things are going well now just let it go mama. I’m sure there are things you have said that we hurtful in the moment. We all do it. Focus on the here and now and the future.

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Your entitled to your feelings do not leave it alone. He doesn’t have the right to say things like to you depending on the context! I think you should mention it to him its obviously on your heart and needs to be said. YOUR FEELINGS MATTER TOO! amazing how all these women on here are saying ignore it… its okay to ask him what he meant and share how you took it! We weren’t there to justify it!

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He shouldn’t have said that to you no matter what

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Sounds like he hasn’t bonded with the baby yet. But love for a spouse/ significant other is different and shouldn’t be compared to the love for a child. Hopefully he said it out of anger because it would bother me. My ex told me he didn’t want our 3rd child and during a physical altercation he had with me because I didn’t feel like making him food at 2am after a 10 hour shift on my feed 7 months pregnant, he confessed later he wished he killed the baby inside me that day. Give him some time and try to communicate without Sounding like you’re blaming him for anything. It might get him to open up a little. He might just feel overwhelmed himself.

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it’s OK to bring it up so you have a clear understanding of what was ment by it .

Let yourself feel!!!

I love my kids more than anyone in the world, no love to anyone will be above they love I have for them. I wouldn’t feel offended, I hope my husband loves my kids more than me!

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You need to seek postpartum depression help. I had it, I was exactly the same. I swore my husband didn’t like our rwin boys. I resented him over something I made up because I was sick. Our boys were in nicu bc they were 2 Mos early and I was there everyday, Turns out so was he. He went at lunch break everyday to hold them. So you need to ensure you clear your head first b4 u create more issues

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I guess a lot of people are missing the point of this! Maybe didn’t read all the way. She isn’t upset because he said he loves the Daughter more. She’s upset cause he didn’t mention their son. He could have said “I love the kids more than you” but he just said daughter. And that’s what is bothering her.

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In marriage/relationships you need to learn to pick your battles well, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Focus on loving your children and your man. Best if luck

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Him saying that about your daughter only (and it sounds like he’s not the bio dad) is a huge red flag to me. Seek counseling, please. And keep both your kids safe.

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I love my kids more then my husband. :woman_shrugging:

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Girl its hormones. If he said it in a fight or argument it was probably just impulsive. He probably does love them both but he wasnt thinking when he was in the argument. Id try to get help with your hormones and depression but he also is gonna need to know and be considirate to your feelings.

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I love my son more than my boyfriend and I know and appreciate he feels the same way… He is by far more important than we are… The kids should always come first and be most important

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When both of you are calm, have a sit down and talk. Open up on how you feel and everything. Calmly ask him why he said what he did and why he did. Sounds like he’s struggling to accept the change of a new baby and the stress that comes with multiple kids. If both of you are willing, try to work on your relationship. The love for your kids is different for that of your partner tho. So just keep your head up and stay strong, and do what’s best for you and your babies.

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You need to put your big girl pants on and get the F over it… boohoo he said that, seems like your more bothered by the fact he said he loved the daughter more than you… get over it

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Talk to your partner about it. Tell them how you feel about it and why it made you feel that way. Your feelings matter.

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Sometimes I think women forget men also can go through a depression after a new baby. You both could consider doing therapy or something if you can’t communicate

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I wouldnt feel offended bc he loves his daughter more then you.Thats how its supposed to be.He may not have bonded with the baby just yet.I have 4 kids and I love them more then anyone in this world.

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I dont think its something worth ending things over, but it sounds like he said that intentionally to hurt you and thats wrong. Of course we love our kids more than our significant others and ourselves. Love for our children should not be used as a weapon ever. It’s inappropriate and a low blow

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Sounds like he just has a better connection with your daughter because he doesn’t spend the quality time that he should with you and your son. If you give relationships your time they grow stronger. He doesn’t sound like he’s working on a relationship with you and your son.

Me personally… I woulda probably smiled in mid argument at that and said, well thank u at least I know that part of ur prioritising is right. Hes watched his daughter grow and his love has grown each day with every milestone and the same will come with your son, but his love is in the right place if his feelings r in that order… do u love him more than u love ur daughter? That’s not possible in my eyes, but remember… u created that beautiful life and all the love that comes with her :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: chin up chik, better days ahead eh!?

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I love my husband, but I love our child more. My husband is good to me, treats me well, and makes me very happy. But if it ever came down to my husband or my daughter, she will win hands down. I fully expect my husband to feel the same way. Maybe he shouldn’t have said it like he did, but surely you can see where he’s coming from. Let it go.

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Can you relocate closer to his work, so you guys see each other more. * I know it’s about who he said he loved more, but maybe it would help you not fight as much, if you were able to have more time together

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You’re supposed to love your children more than anyone else, including your spouse

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Sounds to me like your depression may be acting up still. The love a ma’am and woman has is different then that of a parent and a child. Your fiance obviously doesn’t know the difference, hence thinks the love he feels for his child replaces his love for you.
P.S. don’t listen to the people that think you should just get over your depression. They are ignorant and probably never experienced it before. I wish you luck and hope to get an update

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Why would this offend you? I would hope he loves his daughter more than you because that’s a expectation and he should expect the same from you. He will form a relationship with the new baby as well and love him just as he does his daughter. I’m confused at this maybe. Are you upset he doesn’t love you more?

Your jealous lol. Kids are supposed to be loved more

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You need counseling…

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Oh I’d be so pissed I wouldn’t let it go

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God I’m so sick of this sight there is nothing but cry baby’s here anymore get the heck over ur self and ur depression befor he leaves u and get over everything ur over reacting

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I would hope he loves the kids more than you, otherwise there’s something wrong there

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Everyone is missing the point. She’s not upset that he said he loves the daughter more, she’s upset that he didn’t include their second child in that statement… the baby boy. I would bring it up to him, I would’ve brought it up right when it happened, & if it’s still bothering you just talk to him about it & express that it bothered you & see what he says

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I wouldn’t take offense. He probably said it just to get under your skin because you were arguing, and it worked…I think it’s as simple as that. Definitely over thinking.

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I would be offended too. The love he feels for you and the love he feels for the kids is different. It shouldn’t be compared. He’s an ass for saying that.

I’d be worried if he didn’t say he loves your daughter more than he loves you! A parent should always love their children the most.

Relationship counseling! And are you being treated for your depression?

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I think you should probably get some help. You’re suffering from depression and I honestly thought that’s what your question was going to be about. Depression is hard on people who have it but it can also be hard on the people that you live with. Get some therapy and also look into doing some type of activity outside of the home. Maybe something you can do without the babies so you can have some time to yourself.

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Damn some of y’all are just mean. She’s not upset about him saying that he loves his daughter more she’s upset because he didn’t mention there son. Also I understand some of these are ridiculous but for the most part these women are genuinely looking for advice and not to be ripped to shreds. PPD is real and so is depression. If you never had to struggle with it then count your lucky stars :sparkles: if you want to give constructive criticism you can totally do it without ripping someone apart!

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Totally different kind of love! But I’m sure it was probably how he said it that hurt so much. :pensive::heart:

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All the people on this post saying she needs to get over her herself and her depression really need a reality check I’m 20 in November just had my first baby and I have more self awareness by all means you have your freedom of speech but the fact you feel you need to express to someone who is already having a hard time is a shit thing to do get your heads out of your asses they aren’t hats she has every reason to feel hurt over it even if you don’t think so and for all of you saying you aren’t needy women please everyone gets down sometimes especially if their s/o is making them feel as if they don’t care for them so get off your high horses and keep moving if you aren’t gonna help in anyway.

That is weird he only said he loves his daughter and said nothing about his son. Confront him. I would be pissed off. I’m sorry everyone seems to be missing the point of the post.

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Is he your baby daddy? If he isn’t, and he’s not your husband, he had no responsibility to any of you.

Get some help you have two little babies relying on you

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Honey, you need help. Seriously. Yes, y’all should spend time together. But that requires your opening your mouth and telling him what it is you need. Compromise.
Attacking him out right will only lead to a fight and then nothing gets worked out. :heart:

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The love for you and your daughter is completely different. Leave him because he’s probably cheating. I’m sorry, been and stayed there, too long.

Man, a lot of you need to stop and re read this and quit being rude. She’s upset he didn’t mention the son!

My lanta!! Seems there’s a TON of ILLITERATE women on this page!
SHES UPSET HE DIDNT MENTION THE SECOND CHILD. NOT THAT HE DOESNT LOVE HER MORE. wow. Im seriously blown away 🤦🤦🤦

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Spend your valuable ti.e learning to love yourself. Ofcourse you love your kids and I am sure he does too. He probably just spoke out of frustration and didn’t include the new baby . Dwelling on this is a waste of time . Worry abt who you love and control how you feel let him control his feeling . Stop getting stuck on little BS and live .

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The fact that he says he loves her more sounds strange because he should be IN love with you but love his daughter and son. A Daughter doesn’t Replace you. I think he needs counseling before he gets more confused. He should put you above children.

Also my husband was depressed and talking suicide. I put him on vitamins D3 and niacin. He no longer is depressed. I think it may benefit you as well. God bless.

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I wouldn’t take offense at all. Think about it this way… If he had said that, not in the heat of an argument, would it upset you? My husband and I have always said we love our kids more than each other and in my opinion, that’s exactly how it should be. So ask yourself this. Are you upset because of the way and timing that he said it or are you actually upset he loves your daughter more than you?

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Because he’s angry. People say things when they’re upset. He loves your son very much, those are just the words he spewed. He was trying to hurt you. Y’all need a date night where you can sit down and talk about everything.

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Get treated for your depression and give it time to work. It will be slow, but worth waiting for. Prayers!!

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Oh sis. Get some couples therapy

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Maybe he is just still getting used to adding your son in there since the baby is only a couple months old… some men don’t really bond with kids fully till they walk and talk and can interact more … don’t mean he don’t love them any less just it’s a new baby … and it was also in the heat of the moment

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that’s a creepy thing to say.

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The love he has for you and the love he has for his daughter should be way different… so it’s a little weird that the child is even being compared to you.

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A 2 year old has a big personality where as a 2 month old just lays there. Probably why he didn’t mention the baby boy.

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Men always say dumb stuff.

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I find this odd. If he has a habit of saying things to intentionally hurt you when upset, I would assume that is his way of doing such without ‘crossing a line’ so to speak. A parental love and a spousal love is an entirely different love which I don’t think should necessarily be compared. We don’t find ourselves comparing other loves typically like “who do I love more? My dad or my husband?” If he tends to have a habit of trying to hurt you during arguments, this is probably his way of trying to do that without crossing a line, like saying “I don’t love you”.

Him leaving your son out is kind of odd as well, nevertheless, if he’s just trying to hurt you during an argument I doubt this really means anything. It’s not like he had forgotten about your son or was trying to place your other child before him, probably just spewing out of his mouth.

Now, if he typically doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean and hasn’t had a habit of trying to hurt you in the heat of arguments, I would begin to get a lot more concerned.

Lastly, regardless this needs to be talked about. I would try my best to have a conversation About this without making him feel targeted, like you’re fussing, etc. just a genuine conversation with genuine answers. No problem left unresolved ever gets solved.

Best wishes :two_hearts:

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You have a right to be concerned. But the baby is new and he may not have formed a bond yet

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Get into therapy and speak to your doctor about meds. Reevaluate your relationship, you’re describing being a single mom already. Get rid of him and focus on being the best mom you can be.

Leave that verbally abusive fucktard he’s just trying to get in your head

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I be offended?

Talk to him about this… ask him why he said it.

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If you’re not offended then no.
Why do you need someone to tell you how you feel?
Sound like you have a lot of Insecurities.
I love my son more then my partner. I’m his mom I should.

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If it upset you then it’s valid. Your feelings are valid and you should definitely talk about it with him. :heart:

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You need to get help for your depression, etc. All these thoughts and feelings need to resolve with a professional rather than on your family.

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To me… that is a little off. Why would he not say that he loves his kids more than you? Why only the daughter? That’s creepy to me.

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I have always battled depression and anxiety. got ppd after my first. I would always tell my husband you don’t love me. (wasn’t true) it took some real soul searching and therapy to love my self. After that I no longer feel that way. your feelings are valid to you but that doesn’t mean there valid to everyone else. You gotta find what makes you happy and secure before you can feel it in other relationships and in your life. the parents should always love their kids more. Don’t read to much into it.

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Doesn’t every parent love their children more than their spouse?
Were you fighting in front of your daughter and he said that to end the argument?
Maybe he didn’t mention the baby because the baby is too young to remember the arguing?
If it hurt your feelings, talk to him. Explain why you feel like he doesn’t love you anymore. Have an adult conversation, not an argument.

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We all say things out of frustration that we don’t really feel it was just the heat of the moment forget it move on and make a good life with your fiance

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You admitted too having mental health issues. That is first thing needing fixed. Second is the safety of kids because of it. Frankly if I was dad, it would require some serious changes until your issues are dealt with.

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Go see the doctor about some antidepressants

Oh babe I’ve been through this thought process before and before anything happens I think you need to book a doctors appointment and reach out babe. Wether it be talking that helps with a counsellor or medication is needed to help straighten and calm all the negative thoughts in your head then so be it :heart: The best thing I did going through this was seek help, it helped me make sense calmly before dealing with anything else around me. I wish nothing but the best for you and I hope everything works out which I’m sure it will :sparkling_heart: You are never alone xx

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He said it TO BE HURTFUL and I think that’s the part that may be bothering you. Not the fact that he loves your daughter so much but maybe cause he used it in a negative way to mess with your feelings.

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Girl please contact your doctor, your already prone to depression and having a baby makes it worse. Remember your hormones are going crazy and being home all week means your pulling double time on no sleep. No you are not in the wrong, but remember men say dumb stuff when they are mad and they know exactly how to push our buttons. I would contact your doctor and sit down and have an adult conversation. No finger pointing or name calling just say “I feel this way bc Of x,y and z” communication is key! Your doing a great job momma! Keep your head up and know your rocking it at keeping the house and kids going during the week♥️

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Frustrating words come out when fighting. And you need to get something for depression.

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Some
Times it takes men more time To bond with a child they didn’t carry them. But still he sounds like a dick.

Please get help for your depression, you need to see a professional, post partum depression is very serious, that is more important them what your fiancé said , but either way sounds like he,s not their for you physically or emotionally, and sounds like he dont want to be , do not rely on him for your happiness, and maybe he dont know how to handle your depression, I know I went through this with my husband and it’s very difficult when you don’t understand it ? So go get help please :pray:

He’s a dick. Get help and boot him to the curb.

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With having depression myself, things do tend to get crazy when someone else is talking. I’ve even had a moment where I just stopped talking because it seemed like no one was listening or cared about my feelings. I’ve been on and off medications before but when I’ve been on them it does get a little bit better.

My husband doesn’t spend as much time with our second boy that he does with our first. As they get older the man will start to spend more time with them. It’s harder for them to understand how a baby works when they have a bigger kid who can run around and talk back to them etc.

Just keep your head up Mama. If things don’t start to get brighter maybe some counseling would help?

Those are two totally different loves i would hope and with him saying that to me just means he is only with you because of the children

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I would just ask him

He probably only stays in the relationship for his daughter. If everytime he comes home fights break out…then he’s getting depressed and probably not wanting to come home. Not saying the fights are her fault, but it takes two.

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I’d feel awful. Not that he loves his child in a different way…but to go out of his way to say more, I’d definitely choose a time that is less stressful and calmly and genuinely explain how that made you feel. His answer should determine how you feel to proceed. If it was just lashing out in anger…I’d be telling him he needs to find another way to express it.

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