I think Dads definitely take more time to bond with newborns then moms. He should definitely not be saying stuff like that to you especially knowing you’re already depressed and raising two kids alone, no help throughout the week. He should be your comfort.
I agree, please go to the doctor for your depression. I went through the blues after my first child. Once you get yourself taken care of and feeling better, then you will be stronger to handle some of these hurtful things your fiancé says to you. You do not deserve to be taken advantage of or to have to handle all the kids by yourself! It’s a big job while he is gone 5 days a week! Also what helps is taking a break for yourself! Find someone to come to your home to care for the children a couple times a week or whenever you need a break . Sometime a person just need ME time! Don’t feel guilty either because it’s ok! Prayers!
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I’d get help for yourself and then worry about your relationship. You NEED to be good for yourself & your children. I don’t see a problem with him saying he loves his daughter more, My kids come before anyone! Lastly, his boy is his boy that bond will come.
He works all week out of town, comes home and argues etc - he is living the single life all week and doesn’t want to be with you so he bickers to make an excuse to leave the house and do as he pleases. Leave him!
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Contact a therapist about ur depression it doesn’t just away on its own. Ur kids should always come before ur spouse so that shouldn’t have bothered u as much as it did. If it was said in an argument it was probably said out of anger. Never the less things like that are hurtful 2 hear. It can be hard 2 have those kinds of relationships I know from experience. There’s reentry pains every time they come home and 2 days a week never seems enough especially when u have kids involved. U have 2 deal with 24/7 where as doesn’t. They don’t understand what it feels like 2 get 2 decompress 2 a job, go away for a few hours without “I want” (SCREAMING, KICKING, CRYING), nap times, bottle/breast feeding, etc. If u 2 don’t get help of some sort together though u will end up being a single parent so I suggest couples counseling and atleast once a month doing some kind of Date night just u and him.
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Prioritize your depression/mental health. Concern yourself with what he thinks and feels when you can approach it with clarity and a healthier mindset 
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Please get professional help for your mental health for the sake of yourself and your children.
Sounds like you need to see someone regarding your depression. It may be best for your family in the long run.
Honestly, dads take more time to get that emotional bond with babies. My first 3 - my husband wanted nothing to do with them. Of course he still had that “you hurt my child I’m gonna hurt you” parent instinct but it really took till they were older and could play a bit for him to really bond.
I don’t think you should be offended, guys are clueless (and hopeless) and being that the baby is still new, it didn’t cross his mind the way it did since your daughter has been the only one for awhile.
And it’s perfectly normal for a parent to love a child more than their spouse. My husband and I have had that conversation and we agreed kids are first in our hearts before each other.
But please go to your doctor about your depression. You can have regular depression and post partum at the same time and it’s 100% twice as awful. I never got help for my regular depression and it wasn’t till I had my 3rd that I finally talked to someone. I got some medication and my personality has done a complete 360. My friends can even tell which days I take my medications and which days I don’t because of how different I am. Do not be scared to get help!
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Dads get depression after babies too and often take much longer to bond. My boyfriend is an amazing dad but for like 6 months he was afraid to even hold our daughter because she was so tiny. Once she was a little bigger and wanted to play they bonded super fast.
The way your man said that does sound like he might only be sticking around for the kids which honestly isn’t going to help anyone at all in the long run. Is he open to some therapy maybe? Even if you’re not doing couples therapy and just each go on your own it can help alot
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As someone who was sexually abused as a child by a family member, I would take the comment as weird. The OP may have also been sexually abused as a child as that’s why she is upset about the comment. Yes, she needs to speak to a professional about getting her depression managed but she has very valid feelings here. The love of parent/child is not the same as a partner relationship so comparing the love he has for his daughter to the love he has for her is a flag. Now if he had said, “The only reason I stay is because I love my daughter” that would be different, still odd that he didn’t just say kids but it would have been different than saying, “I love her more than you.” He may mean it in a parent/child way but if this is what OP is stuck on, she needs to dig into that and figure out where that feeling is coming from.
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He need to work on his game. There’s many husbands out there that wouldn’t DREAM of saying anything like that to you. Maybe tell him if he doesn’t step up, someone else will
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I think it better said that he loves her differently than you but no I wouldn’t take offense that he didn’t mention the baby. As moms the love we feel for our child is literally engrained into our being and with some men (not all) they have to develop the relationship plus he may have left the baby off as habit since he’s still so young … Idk tough one hun.
Definitely talk to him when things are calm, speak calmly and express how you felt
He said that to get a reaction without you he wouldn’t have daughter. The son is a baby he probably hasn’t bonded with him yet like the daughter. If it bothers you ask him straight up what did you mean by that? Tell him you hurt my feelings and I am already depressed your not helping me get better. Get a family member to come in help your you get an antidepressant get back to yourself live your life. Your a team and if your always bummed out it’s not good for you your husband or children. Seek help.
He needs to pack his bags. You need to get help from the doctor.
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I would go see your gp and get a mental health plan honestly emotions sound high we always say things out of anger
Weak excuse for a man, Father and partner!
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My partner told me that he loves the kids more then me and if I have a issue that that sucks to be me:sweat_smile: I was a little hurt too but I realized he is right I’d prioritize my kids over anyone 
be glad you have a partner that would do anything for your kids!
I got hurt for you. Ouch. I’m glad things are getting better though. Hopefully you guys can do more date nights and spend more time together! That’s super important! God bless!
Well you should love your children more than your partner… You can fall out of love, they cheat, or… There is nothing your kids should be able to do to change you loving them. So there, you gotta kind of get over… Granted he maybe implying his feelings for you are no longer… And a new baby, especially if he isn’t around much, they may have not bonded yet, instant connection is not always the case, men are not us. Shoot some mom’s don’t feel it, and they carried the child. I’d say you both got some things to work on… Loving their child more than you is not an issue… Them not loving you, treating you right or spending enough time with kiddos & you, is.
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I feel this was said just to hurt you. Out of spite. You guys should be discussing this together if this upset you this much. It’s between you and your husband not you and social media. None of us here are In your relationship so discuss this with him
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Sounds like both of you need help… Dad’s do not take longer to bond. Some males are just that pathetic and use it as an excuse.
I agree with him tbh why wouldn’t you love your children more , you should, my children are definitely loved more than my fiancé, yes of course i love him but i love my children more , its a different kinda love , but he definitely shouldnt make you feel rubbish its not fair when you already feel down , if your feeling that way that he doesnt love you maybe its all in your head or he does need to step up , men suffer too xxxxx
Sounds like you both need counseling separate and together
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Feelings being hurt this early in a relationship… Pack your bags and move on. Ridiculous for a grown person, per say, would speak such foolish words.
Pack your bag and move on. I assure you… He is not going to change and your children will be raised in an unhealthy relationship/home.
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Number One Rule in any relationship is Communication and it sounds like neither of you are working on that. Some couples therapy also could help if you truly want to salvage this relationship. The love part is troubling only because it sounds like he has not “bonded” with his son being gone so much. It also should be noted that the love for a child is much different than the love for a partner and not at all comparable. Communicate…Talk it out…And then think it all through before you make any permanent moves. It is your future as well as that of your children. Arguing/fighting will do great damage to them as well as to your relationship.
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Destiny go talk to a therapist. What goes on is between you and them only. Joy did when she was dealing with so much and it helped her do a complete turnaround. No shame in helping yourself,sounds like you need it. They don’t judge just help. Do it for your kids. Love u
First of all, are you in danger, is your husband physically abusing you, if so go to a shelter and get out before it’s to late. If this is not the problem, go to your doctor, see if there are some medication for your depression and ask about support groups for new moms. Try to find someone to watch the kids one day a week, or every other week, and get some me time, even for a few hours. You can’t be a good mom without being good to yourself. Once you are feeling better, and it may take time, then and only then can you make a decision about your relationship with your husband.
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Someone told me my man is only with me because we have a kid together… I felt heartbroken every says it’s not true but I constantly think about that person saying that to me and how I felt when I heard it. I also have sever depression so now I just try to not think about it but it’s always in the back of my mind.
Just giving up is not the answer unless abuse is happening. Relationships take work. You dont magically end up togethet 20 years. Communication is key. Dont try and talk like one is right and one is wrong. Talk about both your needs and what is good for both mentally. Keep in mind… With a newborn your hormones are still sensitive. You need some ME time too. And with 2 kids that isnt going to be a weekend away. Maybe a bath undisturbed or something. Ive had 3 kids and know how that goes. But if hes gone thru week working… Then on wrekends that should be family time together
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Lots of people say things out of spite to hurt completely on purpose. Talk to him and ask him what’s bothering him…suggest counseling.
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There is a psychological this where sometimes mom’s feel jealousy towards the relationship of a daughter and father that happens around the age your daughter is now. My suggestion is that you seek personal counceling for your depression and relationship counseling for your relationship you can look online to see if there is some sort of free counceling in your area or someone you can talk to over the phone.
If have depression take your meds - talk to Obgyn - see theapy ! Until your head right dont make decision -
He loves your daughter - worry he knows he see his son.
Its fair let daughter bond with him - then have no relationship.
He could have meant in comparison to you and the daughter she meant more and nothing against your son. People say awful things during fights. It may of also been a backwards way of saying she is the reason he stays. People change and it hurts. Sorry
If your having depression problems you need to get you some meds and stay on them and stop wanting to fight …if all you do is fight when he is home he will normally like the kid better than you
So I know you are hurt by his words but maybe sit down and have a real conversation about it. If you stay home 24/7 with the kids than you are likely to become resentful when he goes about but you also need time away from the kids, so explain that to him.
I know having depression in the past makes things harder but having a partner that understands and try’s to help is so important. Communication in any relationship is important so just have an actual discussion.
I think you need to speak with your doctor. You say you’ve suffered from depression before…and now that you’ve had your son even though I’m sure you love him dearly you may be suffering from post partum depression,a VERY real thing! See your doctor and discuss all this…get some help. You say an argument started because YOU felt like he didn’t love you anymore, do you really feel like this or has so much been going on with a 2 yr. old and new baby that you’re overwhelmed? I’m certainly not saying you are wrong…just wondering if maybe there emotions happening right now…he works out of town all week so maybe when he’s home he thinks it’s all about him just being there…relaxing and happy to be home…maybe he’s taken for granted that you know he loves you. After being out of town working and coming home maybe he doesn’t realize the expectations.(I know he should but)
I believe it’s possible he said what he said out of anger or frustration. Talk to him about it that’s the only way to get an answer.
May have said it in the heat of the argument! If you keep this up he will skip coming home on the weekends! If he is abusive, you need to leave! Listen to your heart
Maybe he feels like his son isn’t his son? I think it goes deeper. Ask him why he said it.
Ouch, men are wired different. Maybe he just needs more bonding time w his son??
I think it’s time you go out with the girls n be Ready when he walks in the door you leave n tell him your going out with the girls n dnt fight just leave it’s his turn to watch the children
By the sounds of the place your head is at currently, I’d say you were pushing his buttons and have selectively remembered what suits your ends. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get a grip if not for you but for your children’s sake.
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It would make me wish I had more of a commitment that he took seriously.
Ask him why he said it… not a bunch of strangers on FB
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Go to marriage counseling!!!
Sounds like he hasn’t built a relationship with your son yet because he’s so young.
Parents should love their children more than their spouse in my opinion. It should be your children over anyone and anything always.
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I struggle with depression, sometimes, too, and I remind myself that depression is a liar, and I need to remember that some people don’t understand how the depressive mind works. When I feel those bad thoughts coming on, I give myself a time-out, like a walk or a nap, and get my issues worked out as much as I can, before I create problems with the people I love.
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I would be more disturbed than anything. The love of a spouse and the love of a child are completely different. So for him to say that is creepy and throws up red flags. It’s just weird. And I’ve battled mental illness for years on and off. Meds and therapy help me tremendously
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It seems like he just wanted some way to hurt your feelings. What was said before that that made him come back with that?
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Sounds like he said it in a fashion to get in your head
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I think your maybe thinking too much into it? I don’t think he meant anything ill towards his son at all? Have you tried therapy for your depression?
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Of course your whole situation is difficult right now. He leaves for his job all week. You care for two tiny toddlers all week. Both extremely important jobs. Extremely! So he may get validation from his work, the outside world. Are you getting validation somewhere? I hope you are finding happiness and enrichment with the kids, and perhaps a bit while someone else cares for them. Without sounding needy or grasping ( that doesn’t help; I tried it.) See if you can talk it out. Have a fun activity planned some weekends, which you both can enjoy and look forward to doing. No, to answer your question, no, holding onto the sting of a few angry words is not worth it. Anyway, the child relationship with dad is nothing like the adult relationship you and husband share together. So they really aren’t comparable. Nursing feelings of anger over this will not unite you. Try to view it as a wake up call to keep working on all the valuable relationships in your household. Good luck!
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I’d be more offended that he said it at all! Like I’m not saying he shouldn’t love his daughter but to say that about you? I’d be questioning that more. Also postpartum depression is serious and you should get some help for that ASAP. It could exacerbate existing depression. I’ve been right where you’re at with my kids dad and we’re not together anymore. We never did anything together. He worked while I stayed home. And when he was off he’d go hang out with his friends. Gets lonely. I feel ya sis.
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it sounds to me like he hasn’t bonded with his son. More time needs to be spent with him and his son and he should be helping to take care of him to form an emotional bond.
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If this post is representative of what your husband goes through with you, you should really seek medical attention, mediation and counseling. You’re going to drive your husband insane.
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When we fight we always fight to hurt. Most things we say in a fight HAVE TO BE TAKEN WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. Just like things we say when we’ve tipsy/drunk. You can’t take these things personally as emotions make us do and say crazy/horrible things. I know I’ve had some bad ones with my husband. If you’re depressed still, it tends to happen we are more sensitive to things as well so take this advice and just let it go as it was said when yall were being emotional girl. I’m sorry you’re having trouble with yourself and your significant other but I would recommend a therapist or doctor to help you guys and to get your emotional being back under your control. There’s so much going on with covid and the Government it’s hard not to be depressed anymore but ask for help if you need it and know you aren’t alone in your deep thoughts. I’ve gotten better about shaking mine off and moving on but that certainly doesn’t stop them from coming on my really weak minded days. Hope you get better soon.
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Probably spoken in the heat of the moment and that temporary feeling we all know when we r angry. But honestly I’m worried about you. Babe you could 100% use some counseling. There’s no shame in that! We all need a neutral ear sometimes. U are more offended that he left out your son than the fact that he “kinda” referred to the fact that he doesn’t love you as much as he loves his kids. Actually y’all could use some marriage counseling but then who couldn’t? God bless your family
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If it is bothering you, bring it up and let him know. Don’t let that fester because the only time it will come up is the next time you’re fighting and no good can come of that. Sit down with him and let him know how those words hurt you. Ask him what he meant by it. Have a discussion and be open to his side of things.
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There’s no shame in seeking professional help. Don’t be hurt by what’s said in the heat of the moment. Your fiancé knew what to say to hurt you, and it did. He’s obviously struggling too. You both need to learn to communicate in a positive manner 
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Women love their babies at conception. Men often don’t even start to bond until it’s born and some even a few weeks past that. You’ve got many, many months over him of bonding with your boy. Yes it hurts but give him a chance to love the baby too. It will come.
He said it to hurt you. Didn’t say your some because he’s only 2 months old and their bond isn’t as developed
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Devil’s advocate. He was upset and he thought that would hurt your feelings. I think y’all need a date night and just to spend some time together and talk about what’s bothering you. I have the same age gap and it got rough the first 6 months with 2 under 2 and having my husband to deal with when he was stressed as well was just a big mess of emotions. We had a couple big fights but we sat down and explained why we were feeling that way to each other. Communication is so important when you’re stressed honey.
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Post partum also is just like depression
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Over thinking is definitely something that comes side by side with depression your not wrong because in your mind it is your genuine feelings no matter how someone else sees it it truly how you feel. I am the master of over thinking little stupid things and when I try to validate my feelings out loud I always listen carefully and then realize I sound ridiculous and I’m like actually never mind but I’ve learned to do that I haven’t always done that. But it’s a great thing he loves her more no I don’t think he means it bad my husband loves our son more then me and it shows and I am absolutely ok with that
A love for a spouse is completely different then a love for your child it really sounds like you both need to seek out help your not in competition with your daughter for your husband’s love she will always be #1 girl he will give his life for both children… And he needs to learn how to talk like an adult
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I would just talk to him about it. Most of the time in a relationship we (women and men) assume things, in my case it’s almost always wrong. You should be able to communicate about it with him.
Always remember what he said, and how you felt at that time. It won’t happen often because you said he is mostly away. But picking 1 child over the other will mess up your kids. But it will happen again. When he is home. Maybe counseling may help. What he told you in times of anger is what he really means. Look for the signs, they are there.
You need to see a therapist by yourself some will do it by video chat. They will help you work on you.
Couples therapy would be great so you can understand each other better.
Meds are ok but I don’t take them because it’s talking through therapy that helps to figure out who you are and what you want.
Of course he loves her more, she doesn’t ask him to be a better man or call him on his bull crap like a grown adult woman would. He’s immature. He said this to “irk” you and it worked since you’re still thinking about it weeks later.
Sit down with him next time he home either send the kids to a relative for the night so y’all can talk or wait till kids are in bed. Sit have a talk tell him your not trying to argue but that that he said to you hurt you enough that it still lingers in your mind. Then see if y’all can peacefully work past it. He may not have long term ment it maybe it was just in heat of the moment.
If there isnt any abuse you both need to get counseling, if you have depression he might be struggling too, a child or more completely changes the dynamics in a relationship, relationship is work and the spark needs to be worked on both both parties but he also may feel more distant from you as a younger child requires more attention and care, he could be feeling like you dont notice him or too busy for him, who knows? You both need to sort your business out together if you want to keep going and be a loving, healthy and happy family.
, men can be selfish too and think coz they work all the time they need time to do things too outside of the family circle, but guess what too? Women do aswell! Being a mother with young children can be very isolating but you gotta speak up to say you need and want one on one time with him and also time to go have a coffee with a friend or go to the gym. If your depressed you need to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to.
Every relationship needs time together as a couple including intamacy, time together as a family unit and time apart from each other and both remembering and considering each other as equal and as a team.
No he shouldnt have singled out one child that he loves the most, hopefully it was just in the heat of the moment or maybe he is feeling both him and the older child are feeling left out. Communicate privately or with a thearpaist.
Maybe they have not boned yet. They always said little boys belong to mom and little girls to dad. Good luck do not over think it.