I need advice about what to do about my soon to be mother in law. My soon-to-be husband currently lives with her. He has a 10-year-old daughter who has started to go through puberty; I am close to his daughter as we have been together for a few years now. So he wanted me to have a talk with her about the changes she is about to go through and teach her about periods. Well, his mom got mad about this and went on a rampage blowing my phone up because she wanted to be the one to have this talk. She said I am overstepping my boundaries, that I will not marry her son, and if I do, she will not be in his life anymore. But the thing is, I feel like my bonus child will feel awkward if grandma talks to her about this because she isn’t a very open person. I find it so odd his mom is freaking out this much, and I don’t want drama, but I feel like I need to be the one to have this conversation, and my future husband agrees.
This is so weird to me. I feel like you are in the right since you are the mother figure.
I feel like her mom should have the chance first. Then it would go to you. Not grandma
I’d marry that man quick lol and tell that bonus child everything that she wants/needs to know. Fuck that MIL! It’ll be better without her 
teachers in 4th grade taught us about puberty in gender specific classrooms. You are not overstepping, ESPECIALLY if he asked you to do it. However I don’t see why you can’t both sit down with her and talk about these changes together.
Why can’t you both talk to her about it?
Women support women, it would be a good example to set & good for her to be able to come to either of you with questions that may feel embarrassing . Also, offering this to the soon to be mother in law, may help her get off her high horse
Let grandma do it. But her threats are out of line.
You should. Or whoever she’s closest with.
I would have him address his mom first off. And I think both of you can talk to her about it
I have so many questions before I can say who should actually give the talk. #1 Is her Biological mom involved because if so that’s probably who should be having the talk before you or MIL. #2 Is she close with her Grandma cause it might be something the daughter would be comfortable with. #3 Has anyone asked what the daughter wants maybe she wants her dad to talk with her about it neither you and MIL.
Why doesn’t your man have your back with his mother?
Where’s his ex/the child’s mother at? I’d be a little put off if my ex’s new partner took that opportunity from me but I do agree it’s a little weird for MIL to be so worked up about it.
Dont know what the mom situation is but if her father asked u to do it than it doesnt matter what the grandmother thinks.
if bio mom isnt there to have this talk, and dad asked you, than it really doesnt matter at all what “grandma” thinks. She needs to get off her high horse & grow up. Your SO needs to put her in her place about this, asap.
I did not wanna talk about any of that stuff with my parents 
I just looked something up on the internet if I had a question… Plus mandatory sex ed in 8th grade pretty much covers everything I needed to know about… Has anyone asked her what she wants?
As a stepmom and my mom a step grandmother, we sat down with my step daughter when her mom did not want to as her father stood by my side
Wow mom seems a bit controlling and overreacted!
Her father trusted her enough and asked her to do it…
That means the most and grandma need to step back and let him Handel his family the way he chooses.
These ladies have some solid points. We are all a little curious about where the bio mother is but it sounds as though maybe she isn’t around. Since your SO asked you to do it his mom is definitely overstepping by threatening to cut him off over it. I do believe you have a chance to make peace by asking her to do it with you. If that doesn’t help he should have a talk with his mother.
I’d be more worried about marrying into the family who has a person that is allowed to threaten you that way more than who has the talk with her! Starting off a marriage this way is very very very difficult!
If he’s comfortable with you having that talk than by all means.
My husband had that talk with my son. 
I didn’t even ask. We’re married. He needed a male he trusted.
If mom is that mad, that’s her choice.
Frankly, you’ll always tick her off bc she’s feeling replaced.
She’s is out of line,
If she actually asked… she trusted you…
Id do what my future husband wants at that point its not his mothers place its his child
He needs to deal with his own mother and put her in her place. Especially if he asked YOU to do it…
The bio mom should have the talk if she’s involved if not for whatever reason maybe talk to the grandma and all three of you have the talk together. A child can never have to much love and support and if she knows she has two women she can come to and talk to about the changes she’s going through in life it could be a very positive and comforting thing to know you have multiple people to confined in at such a confusing and emotional time in a young girl’s life. This doesn’t need to be a fight a child can never have to much love and support in their life.
Tell her all the things YOU would have wanted to know at that age… BE REAL.
If he agrees then he needs to put his mother in her place or explain to the girl and let grandma explain her vetsion
Eww her behavior is gross.
You have more of a right ND shed be more comfortable
Y’all, this is about the pre-teen. Alot of y’all just hate men!? Why?
She’s the ones who’s overstepping telling you you can’t marry her son because of a decision he made about his daughter. Sounds more like she’s not ready for him to move out and have his own family then being mad at just the one situation. Probably feels like she’s being replaced. He needs to shut that down because making decisions based whether or not his mom is going to approve is going to cause y’all nothing but dramaaa.
Tell her to calm the F down & stay in her lane holy hell I wouldn’t want that conversation coming from grandma gross 
Where is her Mom? She oribably knows us his Exm ifbd itherg
You could always purchase this book for your bonus daughter . We got it for our girls and gave them the option to read it alone or we could read it with them . It was a great guide for our oldest who is about to be 13 she got her first period at 11 and was ready and not freaked out about the changes happening to her body. If mother in law isn’t ready to have this conversation with her someone needs to so that she understands what is going on with her body and that it is normal
Honestly, if her mom isn’t in the picture then I would do it. If grandma has a problem I’d tell her you both could sit down and have the talk with her. And if that’s a problems, ask her who she’d feel more comfortable talking to about it.
I feel if your husband wants you to do it then sod the grandma, I would have originally said it was the girls mums job but I think if dad wants you to do it you must have a good relationship with the little girl 
xx
Ignore the grandmother. Her opinion is invalid, by arguing you’re making her valid. Stop it.
Your H2B and yourself make these choices. I wouldn’t be marrying a man who lives with his mumma anyway 
Sound like he needs to cut his own umbilical cord and get out if there with his daughter.
Uhm… was she drunk on wine?! Wtf
Then do what’s your husband wants don’t do what your mother in law wants if he told you to have the talk with her then that’s what you do you’re married to him not his mother
Wow shes a controlling narcissist. Not her place.
If the daddy wants you to have talk with the daughter do it,mother-in-law will have to get over it
This should have been done a few years ago to begin with.
Personally, I would have to know the age and mindset of grandma first. The reason being, my mother slipped a book in my dresser drawer, Mother’s Little Helper. I did read each page, but, no help. The most important question, naturally, “Where do babies come from?” The worst answer was found, “Babies are a gift from God.” Protection not.
Go ahead & have the talk with her ! If she feels more comfortable with the subject she’ll be more inclined to come to you with other stuff that every growing kid needs to know. As for his mom - well no comment lol
Just remind the child that when she is ready she can come to you to talk. Let her know she is welcome and explain its okay to have questions about her body and feelings. Let her know you or her grandma will be there when she is ready. Let her choose who she wants to talk to about it.
Let her have the talk, you can also have the talk.
You have the talk with her and don’t worry about grandma
Wow looks like your going to get a monster in law id let her have a sulk if your bounes child wants that talk with you shouldn’t it be her choice she needs to be able to feel like she can talk to you keep doing what your doing
Then it is his job to get his mom under control.
The son needs to set MOMMIE DEAREST straight on boundaries before you and he marry. At the very least he needs to have your back if you have to be the one to set her straight. Otherwise she will have you on eggshells if you let her, which, I certainly hope you (and he) will not! Best of luck to you and I wish you the very best and many wonderful years as a happy family!
It’s his daughter and it’s right that YOU talk to her.
His kid, his decision.
Not grandma’s place especially if you were asked by her dad.
If her mother isn’t in her life or not teaching her then I would. Some dads just aren’t comfortable enough to talk to their daughters and honestly they just don’t know like a woman does
Beware of that controlling mother in law , before u marry make sure u and ur partner are aware with how unsettling she is mingling in ur business . Who cares try not to make the kid feel uneasy granma sounds like a lot of stress
Monster in law should stay in her lane. If her father wants you to have the talk, then u have the talk and dont worry about his mother…
Well it should be the child’s mother having this talk with her daughter, but if the child’s mother is not in the picture, it is the father’s choice for who should talk to her. If grandma has a problem with it, she should take it up with her son, not come at you.
Husbands child he makes the decisions not momma. Set the boundaries now trust me been there done that.
Can always suggest you both do it together maybe? Or ask the child who she’d want to have the talk with.
If the child asked you to talk to her about it then you should.
You should be the one to have the talk in my opinion. If the mother is going to go to that extreme sounds like she has issues. It is really up to the dad but if ur like a mother figure to her u definitely should.
If you and your future husband’s child have become close, she will feel most comfortable with you in discussing. But gma is over stepping her boundaries as she is a grandparent not the parent. And whether your future husband lives w his mom or not, he’s a parent to his daughter so gma needs to stay in her lane.
I believe it would be beneficial for her to hear it coming from a woman. You would understand it and would be able to give her to proper know how
Your hubby needs to tell her to back off.
I’d wait till After you get married. Maybe it’s time he moves out of his moms house! Grandma has been playing mommy to long to the grandkids
The MIL doesn’t have a say if you’re partner wants you to be the one to teach her about puberty, if the daughters living with you then she would probably feel more comfortable learning from you instead of grandma
The FATHER requested YOU to be the one to have that talk with his daughter. He makes the decisions, not grandma. Grandma can throw a fit over it, but it’s dad’s call. If you are comfortable with it and your bonus daughter is close to you then absolutely it makes sense to have that talk with her.
If the baby momma is fine with it then I see no problem. And why not work w mil if u want to include her. maybe make a plan on what can and can’t be explained to daughter and take it from there
Since y’all are not married and y’all do not live together, then you should back off and let them figure it out.
You may want to reconsider marrying a man who allows his mom to talk to you like that. Protect your peace. 
1 it’s you and your soon to be husbands daughter.
2 she has no right to have a go at you over something you and him have discussed and decided.
3 if your bonus daughter is living with you and going through puberty and is open with you about it, a cup of hot chocolate and a discussion quietly is more comfortable then having grandma give you the birds and bees talk!
Good luck with the discussion and good luck with the mother in law cos god willing you’ll have to have the patients to deal with her crap as it sounds like she will drive you to want to drink.
If the girl is more open with you about personal things then yes you should be the one to have that talk with her. I can understand Grandma’s point to but it’s about the little girl not Grandmas feelings. But as someone who started their period at 10 I’d suggest keeping a pad or two in her backpack for a just in case she starts at school like I did and explain to her and show her how to properly use them to avoid leaking especially at school and keep an extra pair of pants or shorts in her backpack during her cycles.
That is certainly a motherly role and for her to flip out like that is what is uncalled for. That’s between you and your spouse
How about you and grandma come to an agreement and both of you talk to her
If the father of this child feels.like you are the best person then so be it. Have you shown your husband to be what she is sending you and saying. She is the one overstepping her boundaries, threatening to end relationships if she dosent get her way…maybe ask the child if you feel so close to her who she would be more comfortable talking too…maybe the both of you get together and discuss it with her…that may make her a little less uncomfortable, having more than one person to speak with…
Wow you and your husband need to put your foot down with mother in law now if you back down and let her win the behavior will only continue and get worse 
Ask his daughter who she would be more comfortable having the conversation with… People are so worried about their own egos they don’t care. She needs a gentle yet informative conversation and the person that can best provide that should be the one handling it
There’s an easy way to keep the peace and build a stronger bond with the child. Let the grandmother have the talk and afterwards get an ice cream and just do a casual check in on how she felt about it. Let her know how awkward it was for you to have these talks when you were young and break the ice with a story you remember and how you felt. Then naturally ease into the convo. I don’t think only one person should have the talk. The more people who talk to her about it without formality reinforce that she’s supported and can reach out to whoever she feels comfortable with. The grandmother is obviously itching for a fight and why feed into it. No need.
If he asked you to do it. Do it
your husband should back you in this. it is his call. but your future MIL may feel that she will become a less important presence in her grandaughter’s life when you and her son marry. She’s expressing it badly, but there may be fear under the anger.
Tell her before the grandma does !!!
And side note, my prepubescent self would prefer someone other than my grandparent … Just saying. Have to think in terms of relativity
Let her leave 
sounds like you would be happier if she did - I’d probably tell her to go with that attitude and it isn’t welcome in your house anyways and end it with a “I’m glad we are on the same page”, some in laws and even parents need to learn when to back the f*** up 
First why not ask the child who she would rather speak to about it. My step son chooses to ask me puberty questions bc he said his mom says it weird for her to answer him and talk about boy puberty and my husband gives more info than he wants lol, secondly the mother in law is going to have to get over that crap I have a feeling she is going to be pulling this nonsense with everything. You have your husbands blessing so let her leave if she wants.
Mother in law needs to calm down. Both woman that will be in girls life. She’s gonna have to learn this.
She should be happy that your supporting her grand daughter and going to be a good role in her life where she can come and talk to you.
I’d have a serious talk to mother in law!
If you and the father agree, then do it!! Please! Don’t let her run all over you!! If she does it once & gets away with it, trust me she will keep doing it over and over again!
Tell the old bat to buzz off!!!it’s not her business…
Where is the childs birth mom?
I could see your bonus daughter’s mom being upset. But your soon to be MIL?!
The mom is being ridiculous. Her father wants YOU to do it, not his mommy. Sounds like mommy needs to back up and let the parenting be done by the parents. She’s way over stepping, do what you & her father decided on and if she wants to be manipulative and toxic by losing out on a relationship with her son, her granddaughter & you then that’s on her but she’s being a shitty, controlling & manipulative twat.
If he asked for you to do it. Then…do it.
Mother in laws 
… Anyway, hopefully your husband supports you and can set things right with his Mom. She shouldn’t treat you like that and he should defend you. Good luck!
I say you’re marrying him, you should do it. Im sure very, very deep down she means well but the idea she is given on puberty, sex and periods is gonna affect her her whole life. Imo its your responsibility to teach her about all that, even if she’s your bonus child. Someone has to do it, and it’s better if someone more open talks about it with her. Momma needa step back and let y’all care for your kid(s). Cus they’re, essentially, y’alls kid(s), even if they aren’t biologically yours.
My opinion, it doesn’t matter who talks to her about it. So what if her grandma, which is her family, wants to talk to her about that stuff? Also, so what if you talk to her about it too? If anything, that’s even better because then she will know more about it & maybe she feels more comfortable asking certian questions to 1 of you so at least she has the opportunity if so.
If your soon to be husband asked you to have the talk with her, then you should have the talk with her. And if he doesn’t back you up and tell his mother to chill the fuck out, be prepared for a lot of that in the marriage. And then you may want to have a good long think on whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life being bossed around by your MIL because your husband won’t put his foot down about who doesn’t have a say in your lives.
Btw, grandma sounds like a narcissist.
Your husband’s child, your husband’s choice
Join Monster-In-Law Support Group the ladies on here give such great advice and are really supportive
BYE LADY Your bonus daughters dad asked you to have the conversation? You have the conversation. His mom doesn’t get to intimidate you into letting her do it. If I found out my daughter’s dad’s mom had that talk with my daughter without my permission I would be LIVID. So ultimately I think it’s up to the biological parent and not some other party to decide 
Let grandma have her little talk but let the gir know that you are there to.answer any questions she may have after grandma is done
That’s called a monster-in-law