Looking for opinions, please…I am a SAHM, but I also do work part-time from home. My husband and I had our first child this year, and he is eight months old. My husband leaves for work at 6 am and usually gets home around 5 pm but sometimes later. He likes to get overtime for the extra money. On Friday, he still wasn’t home by 5:30, which seemed weird for a Friday, so I called him, and he said he was on his way home now, but he had gone to the gym with a co-worker after work. So he got home after 6 pm. I was pretty upset that he didn’t feel like he should have given me a heads up about it. He said he knew if he told me ahead of time, I would not have wanted him to go…which is true…he hardly gets any time with our son, and I also would appreciate a little more “me time” at night. Thoughts, please?
I’d be upset if my fiancée didn’t tell me but that’s because we both work and we both have to be off and have the kids picked up to save on day care. I don’t think I’d be as upset if I was at home with them. Cuz atleast they weren’t with a sitter for even longer than normal.
He deserves time away to. You flat out admitting you wouldn’t have appeoved tells it all. Let the man have some freedom. Its literally an hour. 🤦🤦🤦
I hated when my husband would work out after work, but not because I wanted “me time”, but because I missed him and he’d work 12 hour days and worked like an hour away.
He needs to communicate better, but you should also help each other have “me time.”
Let him go to the gym. Do something for you, too. Don’t suffocate one another.
So you deserve “me time” and he doesn’t? Work isn’t “me time”.
And honestly you sound selfish. He went to the gym and felt he couldn’t tell you because you act some kind of way when he does. I’m sorry if this is harsh but pick you battles.
He worked all day. I don’t see why it mattered that he stopped at the gym after work. You said he gets home around 5, sometimes later and it was 6. It’s not like he went for hours. It was literally one hour. He worked all week so he can have an hour at the gym. You said you wouldn’t have wanted him to go so that is why he didnt tell you before. Sometimes it’s better to ask for forgiveness than to ask permission. Give the man a break!
Men need to be spoiled and apprectited too
If he needs time after working all week give the poor guy an hr, you’d want the same treatment
Your mad because your husband went to the gym? He deserves me time too. Jfc
Does he care if you go to the gym?
Maybe he could’ve given you a heads up as those are always nice to have. However, getting upset over him going to the gym is a bit much. I get you wanting “me time” but he deserves it as well. Sometimes people need to wind down. Pick and choose your battles. Something this trivial isn’t worth a fight.
Wow leave the poor guy alone
No… but a heads up is always nice, so you don’t panic that he’s been in an accident. He works his butt off all day…(not saying you haven’t, motherhood is a lot of work) now if he was at the pub and didn’t get home til midnight id be like, mate…you can sleep on the couch hahaha. If you keep restricting him, he will do it to you…like if you go shopping he might say ohh what time will you back haha.
Loosen the leash. You got it a bit tight. One day when he’s tired of being choked by it and gets free, he ain’t gonna come back.
You’re right, you do deserve me time.
However, so does he. If you’re controlling like this post seems, of course he wouldn’t want to tell you. Let him blow off some steam at the gym. Maybe he had a hard day?
He should have texted-said he was going to gym and you should have said ok-you don’t have to give him permission to go -you not his mom
Whaaaaat…? I read the first sentence and was done. No. No you shouldnt. At the very least just communicate that you’d like to know if hes not planning to come straight home from work so you dont worry. Dont suffocate the man jeeezus
Ask for a heads up next time but I wouldn’t be mad, you seem like you’re trying to control him which never turns out well.
Let him go to the gym. I don’t blame him for not telling you since you said you wouldn’t have wanted him to go if he told you.
Personally I’m mad at my partner when he is not home a the right time after work. BUT I also know that I over react and he didn’t deserve it.
Pick your battles. This isn’t one of them
I wouldnt be mad my husband went to the gym but I can understand the no courtesy call. Because when something out of routine happens our heads goes a thousand different ways. And frankly anything can happen. However, u need to chill…its the gym. And if u keep pushing and pushing hes gonna walk away and then ull never have me time
I agree with you! Being a stay at home is a full time job and I would of wanted him home as well for some help!
I get he didnt tell ya he was heading to the gym but u said u wouldnt want him to go if he told u…its the gym…not a bar…plus was still home an hr after he got him. If he isnt spending enough time w your son, then that’s a different issue to be upset about…not the fact he went to gym
Depends. Do you tell him everywhere youre going? Do you feel that you have to report to him about what ever you do?
There are few variables here.
Are you more upset that he went at all or that he didn’t tell you?
I would be upset if mine didn’t tell me and I was at home worried about what could have happened, car accident, police check point, car trouble, etc. But not upset at the fact that he went to the gym.
How is he with the kids when he is home, does he spend time with them? If so then he too deserve me time. You work. He works. Y’all both raise children. Y’all both need me time. Hire that sitter for a few more hours, and either take me time alone or make it a date so you can enjoy time with each other.
And this is why some relationships don’t work out. You are way too controlling find a hobby. Leave the poor dude alone.
Let him go to the gym… it’s not like his going to the bar after work… he went for what maybe an hour? Was still home by 6 plenty of you you can still be added in.
Does his gym have a daycare? If u wanna be up his butt n his gym has a daycare why not meet him there n work out together. Hes a human being he needs to destress too. Give the man a break hes working his butt off to support n u and ur child
An hour at the GYM??? You need to grow up and learn to pick your real battles before any wedding happens. You are home with ONE baby, many of us have been there, and it is not that hard. Grow up.
Getting mad because he went to the gym is a little ridiculous. He deserves time to himself just as much as you do. Should he have told you? Absolutely, but it’s clear you would’ve had a problem with it if he had.
The only concern I have with my spouse going anywhere is that if it’s a good distance away, he lets me know he arrived safely so I don’t worry about him. I also let him know the same. It’s courtesy to do so. But otherwise there’s no reason to stop him from going out and doing his own thing. You can trust your spouse but also respect that there are idiot drivers on the road that can cause worries.
Agree with you instead of you worrying about him being in accident or whatever it’s respectful to tell each other what your plans are!
Married or not he is not your property or your child. He is allowed to do things on his own without asking for permission. You said it yourself you wouldn’t have wanted him to go if he asked. He was home at 6pm. Get a sitter and go do something you like alone.
I feel like this whole question brings other answers you may not want to hear. He must feel like that he needs to work so much due to you not having a full time job. It’s not fair of you to ask him not to have me time when he works so much. I don’t agree with not keeping you up to speed on where he is Incase of an emergency. However, this seems a little possessive.
Are these questions lately real? Come on this is laughable.
Good gravy. You are in for it lemme tell ya. Things could be so much worse. I totally get where you are coming from trust me ! But that is something small. Pick your battles. You guys are a team
It depends on the relationship y’all have. Some couples don’t tell their S/O what they do throughout the day or before/after work. But in mine and my husband’s case we do tell each other if we will be doing/going somewhere out of the norm so that the other isn’t waiting. That works for us but it’s a conversation we have had and agreed on. If he didn’t tell me and I was under the impression he was on his way home I would be bothered.
My husband goes to the gym everyday after work and he works 12 hour shifts from 11am to 11pm or 3am to 3pm. He works so hard that his gym time is his always and other then my drama baby go to bed with me I do not interfere.
He works all day to provide for you and your child let the poor guy have some time to destress…grow up and stop being so controlling
Are you mad because he came home late? Worried bcuz he didn’t tell you he was going and you think it was something else? Or mad bc he got time alone and wasn’t right home? You said sometimes he works later than 5 or 6. So would you be upset if he was working late? I understand that he should of sent you a text to let you know but if you would have said no and don’t want him going anywhere other than work and home then I get why he didn’t tell you and chances are this will happen again unless you learn to ease up some and let him have me time. He obviously works really hard to support you and the kid(s). He deserves an hour if this isn’t normal foe him to just take off then once again he deserves it. Id rather my man go to the gym to keep healthy than out drinking with co-workers or something worse. If you suffocate him and don’t allow him anytime he’s gonna get angry and eventually just start taking off. Good luck. Sounds like you both should schedule some me time so you both are happier.
Yeesh I wish my husband would take some me time. I’d want him to tell me of course so I don’t worry that something happened at work but I wouldn’t fuss if he went to the gym. He works all night and comes home and helps me with our girls by either getting one to school or the other a bottle and diaper change. His days off aren’t even days off hes working outside half the day and then staying up with the baby all night. Dads need some down time too just like moms. He should have told you but the fact that he didn’t because you wouldn’t allow him to go is kinda messed up. You should encourage him to have some down time and then hopefully he encourages you with your down time. If neither one of yall encourage down time then I think yall need a come to Jesus meeting and work that out or you’ll grow to resent each other.
No you shouldn’t. For shits sake its the gym. He works all day long he deserves to stop at the gym. Long as you get me time to thats what’s important.
It was only an hour…why so upset? He works all day, so I don’t see the big deal in spending one hour on himself.
If he works those long hours a little gym time is ok, in my opinion. Maybe you guys can join the gym and go together. My husband and I used to do that, get of work, get the kids and head to the gym. Also it could help you release some stress.
I would be a little upset too. Being a SAHM, you watch that clock. You look forward to seeing your significant other. If he could’ve just said ahead of time hed be running late tonight, yea I’d be dissapointed, but not upset as not being told. Male or female co-worker?
Wouldn’t really start a fight over it, but he should know it was upsetting for you. Good to communicate.
No you shouldn’t and you shouldn’t keep him from going to the gym. You can get your own “me time” after or on the weekend. Let him know ur ok with him going to the gym and he will probably tell you next time
Count it as a blessing!
Everyone is jumping to the conclusion that hes the victim of a over controlling relationship and from one post?
Key answer to your question would be… yes. You can be mad that he didnt communicate with you. It’s out of respect that spouses tell each other where they’re going and when. If something had happened you would have been under the impression that he was at work when he wasnt. As far as the me time, when he gets home go for it. Ask him to take the baby and go listen to music, have a drink, go relax and watch some TV by yourself.
Communication is KEY in a relationship and if you cant tell each other where you are, especially if its something like going to the gym for an hour after work then that’s something yall have to work on.
He should be able to say I want me time, and that should be okay. Communication is the key here. Say hey give me a heads up, if you need alone time. I wouldn’t hold on to this anger on this one.
He doesn’t have to tell you his every waking move… my god. God forbid he do something without telling you… stage 5 clinger.
There is no reason for you to be upset. If you need to keep that close of tabs on him, you’re well on your way to making him resentful and more secretive. That being said, since you are a SAHM, he also needs to understand that you need time away from home and your child as well.
Either make a commitment to go to the gym together, or have an agreement to respect each others’ need for some time for yourselves.
Tell him take you with him work out toghter as team or either ask him kindly that you want have your time for lilabit on night time I dont see any wrong with it.
He def should have told you… And if you didn’t want him to go he should have talked about the way he felt to you. This whole situation could have gone a different way and it would have been a healthy way to open the door for better communication between the two of you. If you said you didn’t want him to go he could have said I respect how you feel but I need some time to myself doing something for myself besides work. And I need to spend time with a friend just being a dude. I know your tired and want some time for you as well… So how about we plan a time for you to be able to go do something you want to do.
But it didn’t go that way. What you could do now is go to him and say these things to him now and try to schedule time for each of you. But forgive him!
I’d be upset too. It’s easy to judge until you’re in a similar situation with dh gone all the time and weekends too.
I get where you’re coming from, but ine thing you have to keep in mind is that he needs his things too. Getting home at 6 or 7 is isnt bad at all! I work and dont come home to my fiance or my daughter till midnight and im always busy. The time you get, be happy. Because in his situation, he gets to be at work all day and then come home and do more stuff. You need to remember you’re home and have a chance to just walk outside and relax for a minute if you wanted, he has been at work all day. Time is time no matter how little you get!
What’s done is done, no point in being upset now as it won’t change anything.
No…you shouldn’t be mad or upset over that. I have been married for 17 years and don’t expect my husband to tell me every move he makes.
I work 8:45-5:30 Monday to Friday, and I can tell you that it’s overbearing and annoying when I am leaving work a little late, and my husband is busting my ass constantly asking if I’m on my way yet, or when I’ll be home; where I’m at…
he’s a stay at home dad currently while also doing schooling.
although I understand wanting ‘him time’ when I’m done work.
take it from a woman who is in your husbands position… stop. just let him be.
Yeah he should’ve told you. You expect him home at a certain time, then he should be home. Also, does he shower at the gym? Is the gym a normal activity for him? Cause sounds like a excuse for a shower and hiding something
I can see where you are coming from. I’m anal and I like to know what’s happening. Usually I have tea ready for when my oh gets home so if he did come home late without telling me, I would be a little annoyed but I would get over it quick. Him taking time for himself is important, just make sure you get time too!
All y’all women sound like you aren’t SAHM’s.
He’s trying to tell you something. If you turn your home into a battleground he will stay away from the war. Find an activity that you can enjoy during his gym time and do it during gym time. It will give you something to do besides worry about activity at the gym.
I have to stay home and watch our newborn (5 weeks old) 16 hours straight every single day so my husband can get at least 8 hours of sleep, then go to work for 8 hours. I’m with my baby from 4am to 9pm, meaning I only get 7 hours of sleep each night, sometimes only 6 of my husband gets home late. I don’t even know what “me time” is anymore. I understand being a little bit upset, but he also deserves time to himself. Just talk to him about maybe scheduling time for each of you. Switch out every other day, one day he can go out and the next day you can. It’s not hard if you just communicate.
How dare he take care of his body
The both of you need to communicate better. You have the right to be upste that he didnt tell you but He should be able to go to they gym without being worried that you would be upset and not let him go.
I honestly understand wanting to have the respect of a heads up but he honestly probably didn’t even realize how big of an issue it would be for you and also trust me when I tell you that this is something minimal that you should not worry about for more than 5 minutes of your time it’s not worth it… it’s not as big of a deal as it feels like now
Wow…controlling much! Give him a break, he’s allowed to do other things than work and look after a child!
He should have told you. You stay home all day with the baby and as the baby gets older, it gets harder to do your work from home. I get it.
Pick your battles. This is not the one to fight.
Plenty worse things he could be doing. Thankfully it’s just the gym.
Honestly I feel like if he had to lie to you about going from the start then there is a problem. He should have enough respect for you to tell you things. He isn’t the innocent one here. He is 100% wrong for that. Period!!! A good husband would tell you everything without hesitation… So girl be mad!!!
Time for a talk to nip this in the bud. There is no reason he couldn’t have called you so you wouldn’t worry. And there is no reason you should resent gym time as long as you get equal time for yourself. Why don’t you suggest going to the gym together one night a week, get a sitter for that night, plan to eat out…make it a date. Communication and consideration for each other’s feelings is strongly needed here.
He went to the gym… not the bar and an extra 30 minutes or so? You’re blowing it way up. You expect him to only have time away to go to work? Tell him you want some me time and on his off time go do it or find a sitter so you can. He wasn’t gone all night or even hours longer then usual.
Oh no he went to the gym how dare he
I don’t think she’s being controlling at all but here you can’t tell him what he can and can’t do that’s not your place if he wants to rush home to be with you and your son good if he wants to go to the gym yo have no right to say no you don’t own him you aren’t his mom but and this is big no matter what you think he still needs to have to respect to tell you it takes 20 seconds to send a txt hey babe leaving work running to the gym be home in an hour or two and that’s all you should need you can’t make him stay home and be with you but ask to at least be informed and don’t make him feel guilty about wanting him time
I think you should not be so controlling.
Honestly feel like theres deeper issues here. That’s not a big deal…lol
He could be out fucking a another female. I’d rather him be at the gym an not bitch. I think you need to chose your battles.
It is half his child and you work, too, both at home and on the side. You deserve breaks, too, and I get where you are coming from. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve a break every now and then, but he should be able to tell you about it. I personally would just want to know so I can mentally prepare for it and the day around it. I wouldn’t be mad, but I would ask him to let you know next time he needs a break so you can also get one. It sounds like you are tired yourself. I don’t care what anyone says, being a stay at home mom is work and I don’t get time to myself hardly ever, but I’ve done both and they both have their hard times to them. Dismissing you as “just a stay at home mom” is shitty, like you don’t also deserve breaks. You never get to clock out
He should have told you he was going somewhere after work, just because you worry. That being said, no, you shouldn’t be upset that he takes an hour every so often to work out. He works all day & might need to work out! Especially if he’s at a sitting job. You should probably do the same thing occasionally on a night he comes home on time. Maybe somewhere like Planet Fitness, where you can get a massage after your workout!
As long a the coworker wasn’t a girl I personally wouldn’t care.
I think deep down you know getting upset over a one hour gym trip is a bit over the top. Posted here hoping you had something to ride on because he didn’t call. It really goes back to he shouldn’t have to fear how you are going to react to a one hour gym visit to start with. If you want some respect, treat him with some. If you value your relationship at all, please evaluate why you feel the need to control him so strongly. I think things will get better for you.
I have 6 small kids and am a sahm. Id have no problem if my husband went to the gym. Although hed probably wanna take me. I get me time and we time(no kids) so no i wouldn’t care… But my husband does help some even after working over 14 hours
I don’t think it’s wrong he went to the gym but he should of told you he was going.
How can I put this nicely…? You sound positively controlling. He didn’t feel he could tell you he was stopping at the gym. For what, 45 minutes? He works, that’s not fun time. You need to communicate better, and you also need to remember as much as you need your “me time” maybe he needs a moment when he isn’t an employee or dad.
As a Stay at home Me time is crucial for mental health. day in and day out with a kid all day is taxing and very hard to do without proper breaks . As for husband he should say something but as an adult sometimes we need the illusion of complete freedom to control our lives after marriage . I say let it go and on his day off you do something for you . Just grab your purse and leave and when he inquired say I took myself to do XYZ be home soon and leave it at that
I don’t know really aside from that he should have called. But if he knew calling was going to be an issue and you’d be annoyed then I can kind of see why he didn’t. My husband has to PT for work to stay in shape, usually he lets me know, but sometimes if he is in a hurry and has a few extra minutes to squeeze it in he does and does not call and I don’t care. It doesn’t seem like it was so far out of normal schedule that it would be an issue, to me, but y’all need to have an open conversation about expectations and be willing to compromise.
Wow. So he works full time and took 30 minutes to go to the gym. Spends 11 hours a day away from home, so you dont have to. God forbid he gets some “me time,” to go to the gym and relax.
How is this controlling lmao this fool hardly spends time with his family and specifically didnt tell her cuz he k ew she wouldve wanted him to come home and be with his family. Also lady who wrote this. You shouldnt be posting this in a group to validate your feelings you know how you feel
The fact that he knew u would not have wanted him to go is really sad. He gets home early enough… Take ur me time when he gets home. Have a long bath, go to gym… Do whatever u want to for an hour or 2. But not wanting him to go to gym is wrong.
Wtf seriously? Be glad it’s the gym and not the casino or bar with another woman
What about her ME time too tho I mean yes she shouldn’t be upset bc he just went to the gym for 30 minutes but communication is key in a relationship so I can see where she is coming from however he should be able to go to gym but he should also let her know as well so she dont worry as the mother of his kid
Being a stay at home mom is so hard. I did it with my son. I didn’t want my husband to go to the gym because I was so ready for a break when he got off work. But then after having my daughter he was the one who became the stay at home mom and he still is but now he gets to watch two kids instead of one. Now that the roles are reversed he definitely sees where I was coming from back then when I stayed home with our son. You’re not selfish for wanting time alone and he’s not selfish for going to the gym. He could have let you know he was going. If he was the stay at home mom I’m sure he would have appreciated a simple text that you would be home a little late. Y’all just need to have a sit down and work this out. Hang in there, mama.
He probably didn’t tell you because he knew you would be upset" be grateful he works hard for he’s family and everyone needs a little bit of a break. Maybe he feels like he can’t ask you because you will get angry.
Appreciate how hard he works and let him know and he will want to spend extra time with you.
Tell him to give you a heads up next time so you don’t have to worry if he’s hurt etc. You both need me time so I wouldn’t be upset if he went to the gym, but you need me time too so maybe you guys could alternate days where he could watch the kids for an hour while you got out of the house too
Yeah he should definitely tell you where he was going. It’s common curtesy. If nothing more so then you don’t worry about him. I’m sure he wouldn’t like it if you didn’t tell him something like that.
Was he with another women at the gym? I think the both of you need to have a talk. He shouldn’t hid things from you and you shouldn’t give him a reason to. He shouldn’t have to have you tell him he needs to spend time with his family either. I think this is a little deeper than him hitting the gym.
Unless his coworker was a woman, you’re being incredibly controlling. If you need a heads up just nicely ask him for one and don’t tell him he can’t go for 30 minutes in the gym- he’s your husband not your child