Run now. Was in a similar situation with my grandmother.
Was so toxic and glad I finally shut that door
That is a terrible thing for your mother to do. I know shes your mom. But you have to be protective over your child also. I have a grandson that is 5 years old. And he has autisim. He is always so happy. And the most loveable little boy. And hes also very smart. Nobody should ever be that way to a child. Especially one with autisim.
I would definitely cut her ass out of my life.
Cut ties! You and your children donât need that negativity in your life!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I cut my mother out of my life? - Mamas Uncut
Unfortunately shes got serious issues and most likely will never get help. You can try and do everything possible but your only breaking your own heart. Do what is positive and good for you and your child for a better future for the 2 of you. No grandma would ever say such horrific things⌠My advice is cut ties asap
So sorry youâre going through , I hope you have people to support and love you and your kids. Prayers and best of luck
Me & my siblings go through the exact same thing with our mother⌠I have shut her out of our lives multiple times bcus of the things she has said to my kids⌠The names she has called them⌠In my opinion she is not going to change & you donât want your kids growing up with mental & emotional issues bcus of her⌠Your kids are numero uno, so I say she has to go.
Absolutely! Id be forever no contact. Document everything and journal anything you hear or see, itâs better to have than not. I would never let someone like that see my kids or be apart of our lives. Being a grandparent isnât a right, itâs an honorâŚone she probably doesnât deserve. Iâm so sorry you are going through this.
I cut my mom out of my life. She was very toxic to my family and I. It was so difficult and I miss her dearly but toxic is toxic. It sounds like she doesnât treat you or your child with respect, and when it involves your kids that above all else should be the answer.
(my mother was coming up with lies about my husband and whatnot. Causing serious issues with false accusations of abuse)
Block her and dont answer the door for her anymore. Twll your othwr familynto stop updating you about her, cut her off. Call the cops if shes being persistent.
Shell get the hint eventually
mine died from her mental illnesses 7 years ago next month people still believe and cut me off her lies that im a junkie from 20 years ago defend your child tooth and nail i know it hurts cut her off cut them all off anyone that doesnt get to know you anyone that automatically disowns you based on her lies is just looking for a reason not to love you
its going to hurt for the rest of your life but if she and they have no access to you they cant continue to hurt you
and thats the issue you can forgive the past but only when they stop⌠they wont stop on their own you have to stop them it isnt to hurt them it is to protect you value your peace protect yourself and your family
im willing to bet you dont like the person you become when you have to deal with her
im sorry create your own tribe cut toxic ties
Spreading untrue rumors about me and then insulting my kid, there is no way. I would definitely move on. My oldest has ADHD and possibly Aspergers so I can relate a little with how you canât just explain away some behaviors. If sheâs not willing to try to understand and instead, end up traumatizing him, she doesnât need to be around him.
I havenât spoken to my mother in over 5 years, I am happy and at peace with my decision. It was a long time coming with tons of drama, my mother also has some serious mental health issues and spreads false rumors. I got tired of forgiving her because it was the same vicious cycle. The whole concept of forgiving her because sheâs my mother kept me in a truly toxic relationship for longer than I should have been. Do whatâs right for your own sanity.
No you are absolutely not wrong feeling this way! I would have cut all ties with her already long ago.
Cut her off. Neither you nor your son need that kind of BS in your lives
Your mother is toxic. Keep your innocent child away from her until she gets the help she needs. If you choose to rekindle the relationship with her, thatâs your choice. But your son shouldnât have to suffer from nor be exposed to her bs.
She is toxic I know it hurts to let her go but you have to .She will only keep dragging you down as long as you let her .I had to let my mom ago a month ago it was sad but truth is she is bad for my mental health .I always wanted that mother bond with her but I see now she is jealous of me since I was a little girl .Itâs sad a mother can be this way but she will try to destroy you in everyday she can .Let her go for your peace of mind and happiness.
We can only try so much and time after time sheâs proved that she will not change.so we have to change our way of dealing with them .
Nope cut her out of your life
Just remember itâs her mental illness not her speaking. If she was on medication and /or speaking to someone for help, she probably wouldnât be acting that way. I would keep you distance until she gets the help she needs.
Cut her out!!
Iâve had to cut my mother out for my own sanity and I Dont regret anything because my mental state is sooooo much better xx
your not wrong at all. i havent spoke with my father in over 5 years hateful racist man
Run, Run, Run i wish I did years ago. Run
Cut. The. Woman. Off.
Toxic⌠her behavior will have life long effect on your son if you dont
Youâre doing the right thing. Not everyone needs their Mum.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I cut my mother out of my life? - Mamas Uncut
Definitely cut cut cut! You and your boy donât need that in your lives. Iâve cut a few family members out because they are narcissistic, toxic and just down right horrible people. Just because theyâre family you have every right not to have her in your life. You and your son will be better off without and never feel guilty for doing whatâs best for him x
Cut her right off. Protect your baby at all costs and donât let anyone tell you otherwise
Short answer; Yes. Cut her out.
HELL NO! Sheâs never seeing that perfect little boy again
I feel like you need to join this group! Itâs full of women who have narcissistic and abusive motherâs, it made me feel like Iâm not alone xx
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I cut my mother out of my life? - Mamas Uncut
Yeah keep ur distance and donât communicate with her anymore. She obviously needs mental health and maybe at some point later down the road seek counseling together and lay your cards on the table and clear the air.
I canât remember the last time I talked to my biological mom and my life is way better for it. I used to go back and forth with her-we wouldnât talk for awhile and then we would and sheâd blow up and we wouldnât again-and it caused me so much mental distress. Cutting her out was the best decision I ever made. Ironically enough my son was born on her birthday and she will never know him.
Drop her. Some people are meant to be in your life. Others, even mothers, not so much. I loved my mother despite her flaws. But she loved my children. But I see some that just⌠that is not love.
It is your duty to protect your child from anyone who will harm them, no matter who they are. Do what you have to do. Do not engage to explain or defend your decision. Maintain a confident peace in your heart.
You are not wrong for feeling this way. I know someone who is just like this. They make you feel like the bad person by gaslighting you. DONT LET HER! She has her own issues and if she doesnât get them addressed, thatâs in her. You DO NOT owe her anything! As for your sweet boy, Iâm so sorry someone so evil and vile is around him. He doesnât need that BS either. You do what you have to do in order to protect your family. Just because your mom gave birth to you, does not mean she needs to be apart of your life. She sounds toxic af and doesnât seem to want to change those toxic behaviors. She sounds like she has narcissistic tendencies and when people who have those tendencies or who are narcissists believe that the world not only revolves around them but you need to cater to them. So by her saying all these awful things about you to her side of the family when you guys are in an argument, sheâs making people feel bad for her and throwing herself a pity party. Thatâs unacceptable behavior especially for a grown woman to be doing to her own child. Itâs unacceptable and you do not under any circumstances need to have her in your life. Cut out the toxicity and live your life the way you want to thatâs best for you and your son. Period. Youâll be happy you did honestly.
I dropped my mom over a year ago cause she uses racial divisions. We have a mixed family and my kids donât need to see or hear that!
Your mother knows better regardless of her mental health problems as does mine. Period. Hatefulness has nothing to do with mental illness!
They chose their path let them have it!
Big HugsâŚ. I feel your pain, and my heart goes out to you. The serenity prayer to âaccept the things I cannot change, the courage the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.â
Mental Disabilities, and personality Disorders are tough nuts. It sounds like you have an idea of WHAT you are dealing with. Iâm not a therapist, however, I have dealt with my fair share of people as you describe. Your mother sounds narcissistic. Among other things⌠May I suggest you do some research into your motherâs issues. Learn about boundaries and how to set them. âLes Carterâ a Psychologist has a YouTube program âsurviving narcissismâ⌠it is a most valuable resource. He not only teaches about narcissism, boundaries⌠he teaches about how to communicate effectively with a narcissist. I hope it helps! I wish you the best! Hugs!
RUN donât walk. RUN and donât look back. I have had to cut out some family members, love them and wish them no harm but I will not have them treat my kids badly. End of story! I donât care how old my kids get, they will all (6 of them) be my babies forever. You can F&#$ with me all day long but donât F@*& with my kids. Donât feel guilty and donât feel bad, you are doing the right thing.
Put it this way if it wasnt your mother would you cut that person out of your life for those reasons⌠that answers the question there regardless of relationship to said person if it is a toxic relationship cut it and move on and dont look back
Nope, youâre on the right track, next step is an unmarked grave in the mountains. Tell her she can decideâŚto get out of your life, or dig her own hole.
By the looks of it, the world would be a better happier place without her
You and your family deserve better. I think it would be best for your mental health to drop her. I think it will also show your son that mama always has his back. You donât Owe an explanation to anyone.
There are some folks you canât put on the front row and instead you got to love them from the balcony. Get my drift? Preacher says, be friendly to everyone but donât make everyone your friend. I believe this goes for family members as well.
So did she verbally or otherwise abuse you and treat you poorly when you were young? Then she hasnt changed. I too had a tough relatiinship with my mom and after so many years of doing just what your mom did i cut her off for my own mental health. Protect yourself and your family. Narcissists dont change.
Omg! Wow! Sheâs very bad! Worse than my mom, who also is overly blunt rude and critical, who I sadly canât be around.I would definitely NOT include that behavior in my life. Itâs bad for you and you son!! I am sad that she treats you both so horribly!
I havenât spoken to mine for 2 years nearly 3 and its been the best decision of my life. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. No one can tell you what to do you have to do what is right for you. Good luck
Sounds like she needs help. Id stay as far away as I could. And keep your son away from her as well - his life is challenging enough.
Honey I cut my toxic incubator (mother) out of my life 27 yrs ago. I was 18 & dealt with it all my life. & I donât regret it at all. (She also has mental disorders which she uses to manipulate ppl when she donât get her way)
Has the 27 yr split helped her realize anything? Fuck no. She still runs her mouth & tries her best to start shit from afar.
And Iâve cut off extended family as well for being toxic.
At the end of the day, my life being as drama free as possible is more important to me than what society dubs as a daughterâs obligation.
However she is in my brotherâs life, who has downs syndrome & she treats him like gold. Itâs just me & anyone Iâm with that she has issues with.
not my pasture, not my bullshit.
Get rid. Just because she gave birth to a child doesnât make her a mother. Sheâs vile. To say that about her own grandson! I would die for my grandchildren!
No, youâre not wrong. Thatâs not normal for a grandma to talk like that. Keep yourself and child away from that toxic relationship. It will never be good for either of you. Hopefully, u can join a group of momâs that understand Autism in raising a special child such as yours. You both deserve the best of everything that you can have in life! Good luck to you both and Bless your special little family, you and your precious boy! Its her loss, not yours to get her out of your life!
You are not wrong. Itâs not healthy for you or your son to be around her.
I have an autistic son and I have cut family out of our lives for their treatment of him. You have to protect yourself and your son, period. Iâm sorry to say that your mother just doesnât seem to have you or your sonâs best interest at heart. Do you know that autistic individuals die by suicide for reasons like people telling them they donât have something, they are just being naughty or difficult. Can you imagine living your life with something that stems in your brain, that people canât âseeâ and being told itâs not real? Please, for your own mental health alone, please cut ties. You and your child are worth it!
You are doing the right thing. Until she gets the help she needs, you need to protect your family first. You need to continue to do what is best for your awesome little boy.
Sorrh you are having to go thru thisâŚits bad enough her mental health illness causing you issues, but your little boy! Thats crossing the line! I would not let her near the child, until after she has agreed to, and recieved help and medications. You never know how ugly comments could damage a precious mind like hisâŚ
And , if you need one, I am totally available for being a grandma! hugs to you both
Itâs ok to cut toxic people from our lives, and anyone who would talk to a child like that and spread lies about you, are definitely toxic. I would let her know that if and when she decides to get help and get a handle on her illness, thatâs sheâs welcome to call and take baby steps towards reconnecting and restarting your relationship.
We each teach people how to treat us, and by allowing her to stay in your life you are teaching her that the lies and the verbal abuse are ok with you.
So sorry for your Mother who misses the BOAT! Keep your distance, call her occasionally. She is not well! Leave it be, you have nothing to be apologetic about.
You donât need that in your life love a cherish your little man and keep her away he will be better for it. And you really donât need it either. I have had no contact with my mother for over 30 years donât know if she is still alive donât care my life is way better with out her in it Move on and enjoy your life without the stress
You have a right as a mother to protect your child. A child is a blessingâŚNot a curse. Keep love in your heart and show your child unconditional love. As far as your mother, if you choose to have her around discuse what you wont allow, and what she will loose. Hopefully she will understand what shes doing. I only send best wishes. I know family is hard.
Do the right thing by yourself and your children. You donât owe your mother anything. Just because she gave birth to you does not make you responsible for her feelings or validation as a mother. If she has not nurtured the relationship she has with you through your life you certainly do not owe her a relationship now.
Sorry if this is a bit harsh, but parents do not own the rights to their children x
My mother also had mental health issues and tried to pit us kids against one another. It was so damaging! I kept trying to be supportive of her her entire life because we are supposed to honor our parents. It never got better and I would not change what I did, but I would not allow her to demean my children in any way. I would have definitely kept my children from her if that was the case. She has no right to treat anyone badly, but especially not a child!
I have read all these comments and the tears flood my eyes. I feel even more blessed than ever that me and my mama had an awesome relationship. She was also my best friend. Tears flow because I donât know what I would do if in that situation. Me and my mom had a bond like no other and she has been gone almost 9 years and I still cry and miss her terribly. I will pray for you and your mom that God will show you what to do. I pray that one day she will get the help she needs and you will be able to have a relationship before she is gone. Pray daily about it and God will give you an answer
Think of your children she shouldnât be so hurtful if she was mine I would have to cut her off my children would be my first priority makeing them happy with nice things to look back on not hurtful things to remember.
Not associating, talking with her does not mean you donât love her. She is toxic and is coloring your relationships with your family. She is also hurting your child by her rhetoric. You and your child need to go your own way. Our bodies are crafted by our parents but our spirit is from God.
I would cut ties with her until she realise that she needs help and let her hit rock bottom.
Autisic children and older autisics have way to much on their plates already DONâT ever let this person around your precious child even if she gets help
Oh no sweetheart go with your feelings you dont need negative people in your life your mum sounds like she wants to be the center of attention
In my humble opinion, your child should come first. Do not respond to her. If she calls, donât answer. You are better off without her and any of her family that feels that way.
She apparently doesnât care about you feelings, so move on.
I would definitley keep your distance, you have other things that need you attention more. Your baby not you need to hear the awful things your mother is saying. Concentrate on you and your little one. Good luck lovely with whatever you decide to do x
Just because youâre unfortunate to come out of her doesnât make her a mother. She sounds toxic and heartless. Youâll have a weight lifted when you forget she existed.
Sounds brutal truth but itâs the way I see it
This is coming from someone who truly loves her mom with everything in me i would do anything to get her back she passed from cancer i think u should keep your distance from your mom she seems toxic u have to protect yourself and your child
If she effects your peace cut her off. I cut mine off recently,it hurts. Itâs gonna take some time. I cry about it still but honestly itâs better for my mental health.
Just because sheâs your mum doesnât mean you have to have her in your life. You wouldnât let a friend bad mouth your child and still be friends with them so donât treat your mum any different. When it comes to being parents the most important thing is being a happy contented parent for your child and if you donât feel like that right now because of your mother then cut her out. Just be prepared for more of her bullshit stories about you to the family because youâve cut her out but ignore them and rise above it. Xx
I really feel for you! You should be able to get support from your mother - not have to defend yourself. Let her go - it is hard - but your boy comes first! As suggested, find support groups & look after yourself. I have a narcissist in my family who turned the rest of them against me - it was horrific as I really needed their support. Now theyâre gone & sheâs still trying to pull the rug from under me. So I no longer engage - itâs hard but I am happier, and you will be too. Good luck! You are not alone!
Toxic is toxic regardless of being related, I understand it may be hard but unless she redeems herself it seems she will be nothing but a source of pain for you and your children, saying something bad about her own grandchild would be the snapping point for me.
There are several family members I have chosen to cut out of my life, including siblings, because they are toxic and bring nothing to my life other than negativity, self doubt and pain. Just because theyâre family doesnât mean I have to choose to have them in my life.
I think itâs harder to cut a parent out but at the same time she isnât making any attempt to grow as a person, or to develop any emotional maturity and behaving like that towards you and your child is despicable.
Itâs a decision only you can make. Cutting out your mum is a huge decision to make that may come with its own separate feelings of regret and some issues further down the line.
But you are not wrong for feeling this way. Your feelings are valid and justified. And as a mother you need to protect your son from anyone who will purposely go out of their way to discriminate or hurt him. Your feelings are valid and you have a right to make a decision that is best for you and your family x
thatâs a damaging grandparent, keep the grandchild away from her. you should keep your distance also. she sounds extremely toxic and you donât need that in your life.
This is despicable behaviour towards you and your boy.cut toxic people out of your life.she jealous and obviously not well.but if she wont get help then what can you do.let her get on with her life and you yours .best of luck to you xx
I wouldnât have anyone mother or not, near my son who behaves that way.
Stick to a few phone calls here and there and cut out any visits. See how that goes but otherwise, itâs not needed in your life and your sonâs.
Honestly I can forgive a lot⌠But the emotional damage from calling your child that phrase⌠Your child definitely doesnât need to be around that. And she sounds hella manipulative. Better no contact with grandma that an abusive relationship.
Ive had a bad relationship with my mother sonce i was a child. Tried to make amends but just like you she goes round telling lies about me and my dads side of the family, i lost my nana due to her lies and you know what im better off without any of them! You do NOT have to put up with her shenanigans. If you feel yiu and your child will be better without that negativity then go for it! Its her thats missing out xx
If this was somebody else behaving like this you would have nothing to do with them,itâs shocking that a mother actâs this way but it canât be good for your health and your sweet little boy doesnât need a grandmother who is nasty to him.
Cut her loose, she sounds toxic to you & your babies. Goodluck, I wish you all the best moving forward.
Donât bother getting back in to contact, it will only stress you out more, and donât let her see your son she doesnât deserve that privilege
It sad but sometimes even your own blood is toxic and they donât deserve to be a part of your life much less your childâs life. All to often you heart family is family but these days family doesnât mean much especially when they are toxic liars and pos people. What good does this person do you? Itâs hard to let go but you can and you will be much happier without them in your life. Big hug stay strong
You are not wrong at all. Just because she is family does not mean you have to tolerate that. I would never allow someone that spoke about my child like that in their life.
The Bible says respect your mother and father. I am sure in your own waY you love her, but you do not need to accept her toxic ways.
Protect your children.
Stay away from her, protect your children,
I did not let any one call my kids names, not even por little boy.
My grandma prefer my sister than me it hurt.
People like to believe what fits their narrative. Like how some parents canât accept how their child has a mental illness, while their mental health and genetics are similar if not worse and wonât accept help. She sees things that arenât what they seem. Blind to our own realities and beliefs. Family can portray these as well, and hurt those closest to them. Let your mother go if you need to, and those who blindly believe in deception. You donât need them in your life. Just care for yourself and your son, and anyone who supports you both.
I cut my dad off for other reasons and donât talk to some of my family aswell, you have to do whatâs right for you and your family
I have 2 Autistic kids. That woman would NEVER see, nor hear from me or my kids. I would save every penny and move across the country and delete all social media. She wouldnât even know if I were alive, or not
I would not ever hesitate to punch someone straight in the face for speaking about my child like that⌠family or not, get that shit out of your lives!!
You got this mumma, you donât need that kind of rubbish in your life, I live by the rule âif it doesnât bring you joy or happiness - remove it!â
Maintain your distance from your mother and those that enable her until she gets help.
You can love her from a distance & protect your child. She should never be around your child.
Your son neednât be around that, especially since she refuses getting help for her mental health thatâs an active choiceâŚ
You and your kids donât need that toxicity in your lives. I would be done as well, including anyone in my family that believes in the lies.
Your job as a parent is to care for your children and protect them from all dangers physical and emotional. Keep away from your toxic relatives and mother. You can do it alone . Thereâs help for artistic children and your love will see you through⌠donât look back âŚ
Love is love.
Sometimes it becomes necessary to love from a distance.
Disengagement from a â loveâ that brings pain and unhappiness can be another kind of love.
This love protects you and your kids from a toxic relationship.
Distance can be the love you give yourself and your kids.
Maybe, just maybe, she will wake up. If notâŚâŚ nothing lost.
Be blessed.
Donât visit her so often. She probably doesnât trust anyone to help for her mental problems. Theyâre scared of treatment if theyâve got mental problems. Think how you would feel if she isnât here anymore, before you drop her. You only get one mother.
I donât know that it has to be a forever thing. Iâd try talking to her in person, then write a letter. Iâd explain that her actions (accusing you of drug use, calling your child awful names) have consequences. Right now, the consequence is that she wonât be seeing either of you- for a while - and certainly not until she can apologize to you and your son and until she can tell the other family members she was wrong.
I am a grand mother and great grand mother. Iâm like a grizzly when it comes to defending my precious babies. Your responsibility as a mother is to protect your children. You are absolutely doing the right thing by keeping your distance until or if ever she would seek help. A 3-year- old nonverbal child doesnât deserve that kind of treatment from anyone, and neither do you. This angers me for you. Iâm just so sorry she is choosing this path instead of loving your baby.