I’m having issues with my sister in law. I have been with my finance for over seven years, and he has helped raise my son since he was three months old. My issues started over the summer. On mother’s day, we went to her house for a bbq, and her son, who’s autistic and nonverbal, was going around spitting on everyone, and she was right there not doing anything about it—just telling him to stop. He spits in my face, and that was the final straw for the day, and I told my fiance it was time to go. A couple of weeks later, my sil was blowing up our phones because she wanted my step daughter for the day. When my finance said that wasn’t fair, she took one and not the other she said well he could come, but last time he was over, he didn’t listen. He better listen and behaves. My mil had taken him swimming at my sil house the week before, and my son has ADHD and was excited, and I guess I was having some trouble listening. We just kept him home. Come July, and she didn’t wish my son a happy birthday but come October, and she’s quick to wish my stepdaughter a happy birthday and buy her a bunch of stuff for her birthday. I told my fiance I’m over the favoritism and I’m not spending Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve at her house. We have done it for the past six years, and I wanna do our own thing. Earlier this week, she made a Facebook post about how she’s an aunt to 5. purposely left my son out. that really made us mad yesterday was Christmas at sil house. I stayed home with my son. My fiance said why to take him if he isn’t welcome. Well, his aunt’s aunt where my son was, and he explained the situation, and she said it was childish to keep him home for that reason. Well his sister in law didn’t get my son any presents but made sure to get my stepdaughter plenty. They really hurt, and I ended up crying, telling my fiance that my son didn’t deserve any of this and asked what he did wrong. she wanted to play aunt for the past six years then just quit all of a sudden. She gets everything she wants and throws a fit if something does not go her way. She also does not discipline her kids but wants to complain about other kids. Am I wrong for being upset? Would you say something to her and just cut ties? My fiance didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to start a fight yesterday, which I understand but I feel something needs to be said, and if I do it, it’s not going to be pretty
Be the better mom and let your son be happy. Don’t let him miss out on family events. This is hard, I know. But it all works out in the end,for your son, fiancé and most of all you!!!
It’s this simple. If your fiancè says he has 2 children then they should be treated the same. Never allow favoritism. If they don’t do for one then don’t allow for the other.
I would have already crawled her butt!! You don’t treat a kid like that for ANY reason! I wouldn’t accept any gifts from her for either child! If she can’t treat them equally, she can’t see either of them. And if his family sides with her, so be it. Your fiancé needs to side with you and let her know that you two won’t tolerate her bad behavior any more. She needs to grow up
I would say something but I also wouldn’t allow her gifts to be given to your step daughter. You are a family unit and each member deserves respect. No one can shunt one member and not another. Write her a letter and have your fiancee read and sign it too
Your fiancé should have already stepped up and put his sister in her place. If he claims your son as his then he shouldn’t let them be treated differently. Also, he shouldn’t have left y’all home and gone to her house for the holidays.
ask her if there is something u and or your son did to upset her maybe she will tell u maybe it’s something u don’t realize. then u can have a civil conversation. if she says no then tell her all the things u just said here and go from there… but even if she is upset by something she shouldn’t take it out on a child
It’s a tuff situation…I know for a fact my son would not go back to her house…shes the one being petty…I believe that one day you will be the one blow up…and she will deserve all that you give her…I dont think your man should say anything…but he does need to take up for you an yalls son…it seems like this has been going on longer than what you say…regardless your son does not deserve her behavior toward him…its probably much worse when you are not around
Don’t let her have either. If can’t treat equally and get for both she needs stay away
You and your son are a package deal . Your man should speak to his family in a nice way , that enough is enough ! Actions speak louder than words 
Your fiancé should have stopped it along time ago…after 7 years of ‘fiance’ he should be gone …be strong
Just stay home. Don’t attend.
We had something similar as far as family drama. We weren’t part of it but anyways. We had a step child in the family and both Dad and son are hated. We love the Aunt and the biological daughter. But we all dislike this person because he would come to family reunions and hit on the girls and say he wasn’t blood anyways. It was disgusting and the dad didn’t stop his son. He would tell the step mom she wasnt shit and his mom would woop her. So when he was of age he wasn’t invited. He literally graduated 2-3 months later knocked a gal up and enlisted. Then had the baby and dissed everybody. Demanded gifts. Then started calling the other grandbabies ugly. Honestly it was a shit show.
Our other step kids in the family all get along fine. We make it as equal as we can. However sometimes there is some bad apples amongst them.
Speak up! It’s apparent the SO isn’t going to. I wouldn’t care if it hurt any of his family because none of them are standing up for your child, not even the step dad. Put a stop to it now because it will only get worse as the child gets older. I would also tell SO if he can’t support you and stay home too, he needs to reevaluate your relationship. (7years as a fiancé means, to put it blunt, why buy the cow when the milk is free!! He isn’t serious about you or your child.)
Well I guess you got one up on him. Your Not Married to him yet… maybe you need to put him in his place before you marry him. Someone obviously has more control over him than you do. That’s the 1st sign that u need to address with him. Its wrong what his family is doing.
The fiancé should’ve put his foot down… it is his family so it is his place !
Life’s to short for petty stuff like this. Either she loves all her niece’s and nephews or none at all. That would be like doing that to one of your own children! It’s childish and uncalled for. You need to set things straight! I know it can be hard but kids need their moms to be their voice and let it allllllllllll be heard!!! And if she doesn’t like it then she can fuck off.
I’ve been married 20 yrs and in a relationship for 30 w my husband. SIL has always been a beotch. I put zero effort. No loss. My kids def aren’t wanted by any of that family. I just do me. We all know we don’t like each other BUT my kids won’t feel that, I won’t allow it. We don’t interact any more, I used to send pics, I don’t but I put them all over fb so they can see my kids. Karma, u can see but you act like they aren’t important, they will show you that you aren’t. We hold our heads high and I say what needs to be said when needed. We don’t emphasize these people, these are just people we are related too. That doesn’t mean they care. I have a stepson who I raised(he’s 25 now). From day 1 I told my family that he is my child and he will be part of our family. My family included him in everything, my sisters were his aunt’s, my parents his grandparents. Demand it or they can not be part of any of it
I say do both. Say how you feel and cut ties. And if your SO does not want to do the same. Cut ties there too. It is your job to not allow any kind of bulling to happen to your child.
The daughter should not be punished for her aunt’s stupidity.
Explain it to the daughter in terms that she can understand and ask her to leave the gifts at grandmas house to play with so she won’t upset your son.
Finance needs to stand up to his Sister. I bet she stops acting childish.
Seven years? He’s been your fiance for seven years? What are you waiting for?
I’m with you on this. Just stay away from her and do NOT attend any of her get-togethers. Keep your step-daughter away from the DIM WIT too.
First of all she’s not your sister in law, you are not married. So you are adults and should put your hurt feelings aside and have an adult conversation with each other and figure out what’s going on. I’m not completely clear if the gifts and request to spend time with only her niece is new or you are newly sensitive to it. First if you make a big deal of it so will your son. Second until you get married why should anyone else treat you like your married when you are still playing house after 7 years? I don’t mean to sound harsh but I’ve “been there, done that” and am only passing on my experience.
I confront everyone who acts this way. I have stayed away until they understood and called them out when things were said behind my back. Once you confront, you need to let it go. Start new from that point on.
Make your own holiday stay home be with friends for child
Your 1st issue is having a fiancé for 7
Years and calling his family your inlaws. 
just tell her that you and your family will no longer be doing holidays with her
Cut them out. I don’t say that lightly either. My in-laws tried to do the same thing to my daughter and it was my husband who cut them out. It’s not going to get any better. You have been with him 7 years and the fact that you are dealing with this should tell you something. They are comfortable treating your son like crap and as a mother I would not put up with that from anyone! There is no reason for anyone to treat a child like it does not exist and can potentially do harm to the kids self-esteem in the long run.
Everyone saying your SO has to man up and speak or he should be long gone. True, I also say fuxk that if he doesn’t say anything than you speak up yourself, got to do what he doesn’t (coward), just warn him you aren’t going to be nice lol. That’s how i learned, if i don’t like something I’ll just say it but if i say something he knows already that i won’t be saying it nicely lol. With that said cut her off, she’s just using both kiddos specially your daughter to get to you and you have to talk to your man of going without you to a place they don’t like you either, because from what i can see the sil has a problem with you not your kid.js not healthy.
I just read an article over the weekend That said we (parents) really need to stop forcing our kids to have a relationship and be around family members who are toxic and purposely hurt our children. Your SIL is an adult and knows better. She should treat your son the same as she treats the rest of her nieces and nephews without question. She’s a bum. Cut ties and do not force your son to endure that mistreatment.
Why should your fionce have to say anything? Why don’t you? I’d tell your twat knuckle of a SIL to stop punishing kids to get her point across. I’m different, I don’t wait for someone to stand up for me. I do it myself! Also, why have you been with a guy for 7 years and he’s now only your “feonce” or is he? Do you have a wedding date? If not, it’s just a fancy name for “we’ve been together for too long and he’s not willing to commit” Be a woman and take matters onto your own hands. Don’t get walked on!
I’d be very careful here. 2 things come to mind. #1… He’s a fiance’ not husband and although you’ve been with him since your son was 3 months, he’s not biologically his. #2… Fiance’ should have ALREADY addressed this with his sister. If my fiance’ went to his families without me, not knowing the issue or addressing the issue first, he’d be history for me. As far as the gifts for HIS daughter, you have no right to punish her for his sisters behavior as his sister does to punish your son. That makes you no better than her.
That bitch needs to be put in her place. Your kids do not need to see them what so ever til things change and your partner needs to step up and be the partner he needs to be cause right now he is not
I would totally cut her out of your life …she sounds like a REAL bitch…
Communication is the key
Cut her off and any family participating in that behaviour to your son. If they do not accept your son then don’t allow them to be around you. Your son has to be number one right now and know that you will always stand by him. That will be the day anyone treats my kid like they don’t matter.
Your fiance needs to step up because obviously he sees nothing wrong with this. You don’t seem to see your SIL’s son as your nephew and she doesn’t seem to see your son as hers. You need to tell her straight out how you feel and explain why you are making the decisions you are. The kids are the ones suffering right now. If you would have gone to Christmas there with your son not getting any Christmas gifts how would that have made him feel? I honestly think it’s repulsive that your fiance has not spoke up about anything and it shows that HE must not see a problem with it and HE doesn’t consider your son his. Just my opinion.
Sounds like you both need to grow up. These are children! Your nephews! You want her to be unconditional with your son, as she should be, yet you are not unconditional with her’s. You both need to sit down and have a big healthy talk about your feelings. Listen to each other and resolve the problem. Until then, both boys suffer!
Cut ties. She’s toxic to your son. Don’t put him through that
Cut ties dont put your son throw that. I deal with the same thing my step son gets favored over all are other 3 children so I just choose not to pertisapate in anything if my fiance wants to go he can only take the favored child. Other 3 kidos don’t mind and don’t care. I dont point it out to them and only talk to my fiance about it. My children k ow the people that care and want to be in there lives.
Both would be treated fairly or be cut off. Ya don’t play favouritism among kids.
Cut ties. Fiancé is part of the problem too.
She’s to treat both fairly or F off. You don’t do that to a child.!!!
Cut your family off from her. If she cant accept you all as a package deal then she gets nothing. Fuck that favouritism crap.
I would have told this autistic nonverbal brat that if he spits on me or anyone of my family I will knock him into next week. One time and it would end either this brat will not spit on people or count us out.
I went though that with my previous marriage. My 11 year old daughter has severe ADHD and everywhere I go, people don’t except her or understand that she can’t help how her emotions are 3 times more intense than ours. I agree with you 100%!! That precious gift from God deserves to be loved just like his sibling! He doesn’t deserve to be mistreated no matter how mad your sister in law is at you! You don’t punish others to get revenge. That’s a special kind of low and that truly shows what kind of person she is. And I’m sorry. Your fiancé needs to step up! If he’s dad, he needs to correct that crap right now!!! Family or not, no one will mistreat my kids! Not ever! You don’t have to be ugly at all to get your point across. Calling her having an honest and adult conversation is the best way to communicate what you need to say. If she can’t handle that, well then at least you tried.
It is your fiancé’s job to put his family in their place and I would have kept my family away from that family if they were treated like that, kids know and feel when they are not wanted and that will affect them in the future
You can only bite your tongue for so long out of respect for the family… but there is a limit! Stand up for yourself. Give them a reason to think twice before blatantly treating you and your child differently. He obviously loves you and your son. So should his family. If they don’t, they are the problem. Don’t let them keep taking advantage of the fact you have manners and respect for others. Put rude sister in law in her place and anyone else.
Cut her off. Kids notice when people play favoritism. And better to cut her off now then let him keep getting treated that way. It’s her fault not yours. A lot of people do this in families and it’s sad. It will only get worse. Better to stop it now and stand up for yourself then let it keep going and stress every time the holidays come.
Sorry I’m hear to say F@&k HER!!!
how dare she!!! 
oh I just got all in my anger reading this post. I would tell her to F&$k OFF! I wouldn’t give not another second of energy to this. And if my husband couldn’t tell his sister that he is his son too and if you buy a gift for one buy for both or don’t buy at all. And if she can’t respect that then HE should be the one to tell her F&$k OFF. Family is family.
I would be upset with my husband… his sister wouldn’t bother me as much as him not sticking up for my son who he raised for 6 years. Um no. He’s either your son or not and if he is then he needs to tell his family how to respect yalls family. 
I grew up with my step dad’s family treating me like an outcast. I never was allowed over for holidays, no gifts for Christmas or birthdays like the other kids, I was left home for vacations to fun places like Indianapolis and Florida.On top of all the times I was left out, I was slandered. They talked horribly about me as I got older and told lies about me. It was really hard. My mother and I are on good terms now, but she now realizes how terrible it was for them to treat me like a reject. I wouldn’t ever go somewhere my daughter wasn’t allowed or WELCOMED. the direct favoritism of your husband’s daughter is awful. They both should be treated the same as they have in years before. You can’t just stop liking a kid and leave them out of the family. She needs to be told straight up what the deal is and then left in the dust. And find a way to make your husband understand why. Even if she starts treating him better at this point you’d know it wasn’t sincere and you couldn’t trust her with him. Sorry for the long post. I just have experienced this and wanted to shed some light on how it affected me. Hope you get it all figured out. (:
He needs to say somthing and do somthing so should you when it comes to kids u dont mess around i wouldnt have it and i wouldnt be able to not say anything .just do it the right way…if there is no talking to her cut ties