Should I even try with my in-laws anymore?

My in-laws are the worst!! They planned a vacation, didn’t tell my hubby (their son) anything , lied about it, and knowing I was pregnant and due that same week as their vacay. Now they missed my sons 1st bday and to us a birthday it’s a big deal especially a 1st bday. I have pic w them and my first son but now w my second son I don’t have any. I feel that they don’t love my husband. They always do everything w their daughter (hubby’s sister) and don’t count on my hubby for anything. I don’t want them in my kids life knowing they love one more than the other. They would rather a vacay that can be taken often more than celebrating a grandsons very first bday. Am I overreacting? We had told them to reschedule bc who plans a trip without insurance but no they didn’t want to lose any money. To them money is everything Please help I don’t know what to do. My oldest son is always asking for them and his cousins but I just want him and my one year old to forget about them. Actually I don’t want my one year old to even get attached. I don’t want them to hurt us anymore
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I even try with my in-laws anymore?

Honey you can’t force people to be involved. Worry about your own and those that want to be involved.

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Yes, you are overreacting.

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My mother in law is the same way. She has always favored the other grandkids over mine. She didn’t go to 1 of my boys baseball games. I see at its her loss and my kids have so many ppl that come and support them. She doesn’t call them txt them ask them to come over and swim when she has all the other grandkids over. It disgusts me but like I said its her loss

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You told them to reschedule their vacation :roll_eyes:, get a grip on yourself.

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They’re allowed to vacay whenever they please :roll_eyes:

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Sometimes you just have to accept that the inlaws dont like you and treat you and your kids different. It sucks but lots of us go through that. It is what it is. Just do you.

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You could have waited a weekend or had it a weekend before so it was accommodating for everyone involved. I think you’re overreacting and sound a bit selfish tbh. You could have changed plans so the elderly people could have their vacation

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U r overreacting. It’s just a birthday! And they can make it special for him any other time

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Discuss this with your spouse. These are his parents after all.

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It could be they feel that
You call all the shots and he’s not free to have that sort of relationship with them anymore. Rarely do you find a parent who truly loves
One more than the other. (I know it DOES happen.) my whole point is don’t assume. Try to sit down and have a heart to heart with them, and just let them know this is what you are interpreting from what you’re observing, and can they explain or talk about it. It might just be something completely not what you’re seeing. Can’t hurt to try? Good luck, big hugs.

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Many ppl would love their inlaws to go away. Just perspective

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No you’re not overreacting. I’d be done with them.

You’re mad cuz YOU didn’t get a picture of THEM with YOUR kid…

Seriously?

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Just because they took a holiday doesn’t mean they don’t love their child, if it’s causing you to be this upset over them not attending a birthday then just make some distance and get on with your life babes…. They shouldn’t be revolving their life around you and the kids and you shouldn’t expect them to as well as being upset when they don’t attend a birthday….

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Lots of drama. On your part.
“They’re the worst.”
“I feel they don’t love their son.”
“Always…never…”
“Don’t want them in my kids life…”
“Money is everything…”
“I want my child to forget about them.”
None of the reasons you described justifies what you want: your kids to forget about them.
Maybe talk with your husband or sit down and explain your hurts to them. But if you cut of your family like you want to do, your husband may resent you and later, your children may as well if they find out it was your doing. Communication would be ideal. Good luck!

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What does your due date have to do with their vacation? From the information in the post it doesn’t sound like they don’t love their son. I hope you don’t tell your husband that, I would imagine it would hurt his feelings. The grandparents are allowed to have a life. They’ve raised their kids

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Your in laws have already raised their children. If they chose to go on vacation, good for them!!! Your child will not remember their first birthday, but if you continue to make a big deal out of it, your child may miss out on a relationship with their grandparents. Stop trying to hold other people to your standards and accept whatever relationship your in laws want with the kids.

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I feel ya 100. Toxic people is no good for anybody especially kids

Same in the past, but I always explain to my kids how fortunate they are that they have me and their dad to take care and provide for them, I make good excuses in behalf of my Inlaws, its my kids I care about most, I don’t want them growing up with a heavy heart, Its up to them to decide when they are grown, their eq and iq is more important than other people making choices of priority, now, my kids are grown, they see things and they respect their fathers family, after all, they are blood family :blush:

I can’t believe everyone saying you’re over reacting… you have a right to feel the way you feel. I would be extremely upset if my in laws purposely scheduled a vacation knowing I was due that week and for his first birth day. We do have a good relationship but regardless. Especially if you see favoritism. You have every right to be upset… HOWEVER, if they are like that normally, then do your best to come to terms with it and just continue being the best mama you can be. All the luck to you

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It’s okay. Dont mind them, if they don’t want to be involved so be it. It’s their loss anyway.

Sounds honestly like you want to control everything in their lives as well as your own family.

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So you expected them to cancel their non refundable vacation but you couldn’t change the date of the party? You could’ve done it the weekend before or after this vacation that was clearly planned in advance. I hope you don’t tell your husband that you think his parents love him less. Good Lord. Get a grip.

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Listen they’re not required to be there when your child is born. It sounds more like they have a relationship to mend with their son. Your attitude seems like it would be hard to have a relationship with you and your kids. You need to loosen up it’s not their job to be any more than grandparents. If they want to go on vacation let them live their life they’re allowed to. Stop being so sensitive and maybe talk with them.

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You are losing alot of time worrying about them and what they are doing !!!
Enjoy your family and children :heart:
The hell with anything else especially stuff that takes precious time away from your happiness!!!

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You are over reacting. You are projecting how you think they should behave and are not happy they are not behaving as you feel they should.
As for loving one more than the other I doubt that. The Mother may feel closer to the Daughter as a lot of Mother\Daughters have a close relationship but that doesn’t mean she loves her Son less.
Don’t influence your children’s feelings toward their Grandparents because you are finding fault with the attention your family receives from them. If they come for parties, good. If not, they are losing out and it isn’t your job to make everyone “pay” for that ( meaning them, your Husband and your Children). Let it go and stop taking it personal.

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If they don’t make an effort to see/talk or make themselves known in the kids lives then so be it that’s their prerogative. I’m not going to force my kids or worry myself about anyone who couldn’t careless about them :woman_shrugging: the only thing my so’s mom/grandparents are good for is a hi, bye and some holiday gifts not dinner though … so be it. Oh we did get some free monster truck tickets tho for this weekend so there’s that.

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You can’t expect someone to cancel their vacation plans to come to a 1 yr olds bday party for a few hours.

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:joy: sorry I’ve been needing a reason to use this

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Get over it. Not going to remember his 1st birthday anyway. Take pictures when they return with a cake.:birthday::tada::heart::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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You and your husband are not important to them. Have you received the message or you want more evidence?

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Due dates aren’t locked in first of all. Second alot of people don’t consider 1st b-day a big deal. The baby won’t remember. It’s for the parents honestly. Is the daughter younger? You seem hell bent on finding problems with them honestly. I have never gotten insurance for a vacation. It could’ve been cheaper that week. You seem extremely entitled to their time.

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Listen I’m sure they love there son as well as the grandchildren. Remember they have raised there children and as much as you wanted them there for the party and 1st birthday they had a vacay planned and if they work then they had to arrange there trip around work. Listen it is your job as a parent to be there. The grandparents have done that already with there kiddos so it’s there time to think of them selves. I say grow up and know that your little family is your world and not first in everybody else’s world. Good luck and God bless

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I don’t understand why people try to force others, including parents and siblings to be in their lives if they act like this or choose not to. If someone is making excuses to not visit you or your kids or decide not to come to your gatherings or children’s bdays, in my opining FK THEM. Your priority should be your immediate family. Your family unit is the most important thing to each other. Granted it’s nice to have outside family like grandma and aunt Becky there - but if they don’t want to… then so be it. Kids only react to it because they hear you griping or being sad about it. Why is it so hard to understand that if people chose to be absent in you life or lives I say kick rocks and make the best of your little family! Throw the best party with you and your husband and friends and family who WANT TO BE THERE! I just wouldn’t beg anyone to be in our lives. Like someone else staid - it’s their loss. Especially for a grandma! I say let it be and put that energy in loving your family even more. And please don’t tell your husband his parents don’t love him!

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THAT makes them the worst??? Girl bye. Sit down.

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Over reacting. When I was young no one had birthday parties for 1 year olds. Took me 2 years to save for a vacation. I did not want to see anyone for a week after birth anyway. Does not mean they don’t love you and your family!

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Believe it or not, there are actually inlaws out there like that…

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Bless your heart start asking them why. At the same time don’t get angry. Fix things for the children. Gods narrow road. Not man’s wide road they picked. They can get on God’s narrow rd! Praying!

You’re definitely overreacting :roll_eyes:

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My mom lives with us. So we always vacation together. My mom and I are also really close. I have 2 brothers . She’s sees them but not all the time. But she’s always always invited to go on vacation with us. We don’t invite the other siblings. She loves them no different. One she avoids because of his GF who feels she has to control everything. Rarely sees that grandchild. Do you invite them places? Do you have them over for dinner? I feel you are over reacting.

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When he married you your family’s became separate reguardless of if it’s his parents or not they are completely allowed to have their own family time with out you when ever they want

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I’d be like, “so this whole photo thing matters to me” because it does. Like, I get how you feel with everything. If they continue to not be a part of things like this, they’re showing their obvious bums and there’s your answer. Not everyone has a good heart and it’s unfortunate. Misery loves company, so hopefully your hubby can talk about life and growing up and you can see more why he is how he is and just deal with limited arrangements. Cutting them out completely would be bad for everyone, it’s never good for the kids especially since your oldest looks forward to seeing the others. :yellow_heart: best of luck!! Life is tough, my ex mil could be such a pain, and my oldest will be 20 on the 24th and luckily I’m fair haired so the grays blend in when it’s time to do roots so no one notices :wink:

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You’ve got a right to be upset. We are in a similar situation and don’t even have kids yet. There’s a big separation now, we don’t rely on them for anything, we don’t reach out anymore, we don’t expect them to care either. They don’t even let her know when her grandfather comes to visit and they know how much she loves him. It’s sad and I feel very bad for my spouse since my parents are so doting and are excited for us to have kids. They do reach out, they do want to spend time with us and we’re thankful for that.
These kinds of parents have normally played favorites since the beginning and your husband most likely knows. My spouse does, it’s hard not to notice. Everytime spouse gets a call from her parents, she thinks somethings wrong… that should tell you how often it happens. It absolutely sucks. I’m sorry for you and for your kids. Maybe have them spend more time with your family instead? That way you can move further from his and the kids can get attention and love from their family. Kids are important. I showed up on zoom for my nieces first birthday and every birthday since because they live so far. I never want that girl to think for even a moment I don’t care.
Is the kid going to remember that I was there? No. But I WANTED to be there because I’m her uncle and she’s important to me. If they don’t care enough to even be sad to miss it then they don’t care about your husband, you or your kids. 🤷 They probably didn’t even remember the kids birthday when they made the vacation plans and that says a lot too.

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People live their lives, let them take their vacation.

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Don’t shut them out. Our kids really need a village to love them

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It’s a first birthday yes it’s important for your guys as a family but guess what his parents can go on vacation whenever they want. Remember you had your children not them they are your responsibility not the grandparents. Get over yourself I hope your husband see how childish you are and brings the kids to see his parents whenever he wants. It’s no reason to cut contact with them and I hope your husband isn’t as childish as you🤦‍♀️

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You’re way over reacting and looking for reasons to not associate. It’s not your business when they go on vacation nor are they obligated to tell you. They raised theirs now raise yours. Sounds like your jealous of you SIL. Leave them alone and be glad they are enjoying their lives. It’s not all about you and your kids as much as you expect it to be. Grow up lady and leave them alone. Don’t be that DIL from hell……

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Grow up your acting like a spoiled brat they have their own lives like you do

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People have their own lives. Just because you are having a baby it doesn’t mean the words needs to stop everything. They will meet baby when they are back. And also making a effort goes both ways. Just enjoy your babies

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My sister booked a cruise months in advance at the same time as my sons bday….not the only reason why we I haven’t spoken to her in 3+ years….but yeh, she ain’t no aunt to my son.

I think you should try to maybe specifically make plans with the mil and talk to her have a lunch do something nice
Get more :honeybee: with :honey_pot:

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Girl my entire family went on a tropical vacation when I gave birth to my first child, their first nephew, and their first biological grandson. Some people are like this. Take it as a lesson to believe who people show you they are and do with that information what you must

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What’s it your business if they have insurance?:joy::joy:you don’t own them!? Stop finding reasons to hate on these people or your marriage will suffer from your actions!

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Girl, get a grip. You are either hormonal or a drama queen.

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You need to realize that you are being petty,and it ain’t pretty.

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Parents are people too. They raised their kids now it’s time for them to have fun. You are way overreacting!!

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I wish my daughter in law would try to tell me when to go on vacation​:joy::rofl:I guarantee the kid won’t remember the birthday

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People can laugh react at this and judge all they want but favouring one child is a real thing and it is damaging no matter how old you are that shit sticks with you!

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Sounds like you need to drop the rope. Stop depending on others for your happiness?

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The things you hear out of the mouth of an adult…

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I would just roll my eyes and say “your loss” and go on with my life. :woman_shrugging:t2:

Ffs I’ve gone on many vacations during my sons bday grandsons bday…wtf cares…celebrate when I get back…btw both Bdays are in Feb so prime time to leave the bitter cold for vacay in hot destination…don’t sweat small stuff…your one yr old isn’t gonna remember & guilt trip isn’t gonna improve relationship

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I would be upset but I wouldn’t keep my kids from a grandparent not for that

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You are soon overreacting. You kids can’t just forget them. Kids needs their family. Your children won’t even know there is a problem unless you tell them.
Be the grown-up and let things go. I’m sure you do things they don’t like either.

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You should super entitled! You mean how dare them live their lives instead of their lives revolving around your schedule? Goodness, that is absolutely no reason to wish your kids would forget them. Grow up!

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Sounds similar to my situation :weary: the people who actually matter will be around. Better to remove toxic people out of your circle and you’ll be happier

Wow seems like a real problem lol

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Is it crappy they went on a vacation and missed your kids birthday? Sure. But are you also being petty completely cutting them out of your children’s lives bc of it? Heck yes.

The people that have been cut out of my kids lives are literally abusive. Like cps investigations and everything. Felons and drug addicts.

The people that don’t wNt to be in your kids lives don’t have to be. Leave the door open and if they don’t come in, then it’s on them…they can make their own decision and you need to just move on having a clean conscience.

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Didn’t even read this whole post and my answer is still NOPE!

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Get a grip. That is your husbands mom and dad. I love my kids and grands more than anything. Things happen I wouldn’t reschedule my vacation either. Time to grow up. You do have two sons. One day they will have a wife. Just something to think about.

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Meh,I would stop inviting them to the celebrations. You can’t get hurt if you don’t even invite them.Ive learned a long time ago that family doesn’t have to be blood, they can be friends, they can be neighbors. Surrounding yourself with people who show up for you when you need them and want to celebrate with you when there are special days…those people are family

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Grow up!!! It was a birthday for Your child not theirs, put a part hat on the baby, after they return, snap a picture and call it a wrap! Grandparents are not obligated to live life around their adult children’s’ lives! Maybe they enjoy spending time with their daughter and her partner because they aren’t petty and keeping score?

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I would never think to ask my parents or my husband’s parents to reschedule a vacation because of a birthday party.

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If this is serious, you’re definitely wrong here, sorry.

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If they don’t care, neither should you. Stop inviting them. And if they get offended say “oh thought you had plans” honestly life is too short to hang onto what other people do. Live your life, unapologetically, without them. They will get they messed up. Tough love works sometimes.

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I have a feeling there’s more instances that she’s not adding to this story and this was probably the tip of the iceberg. Those events are super special and important. I just wouldn’t invite them to anything anymore and include everyone else

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Ummm they are allowed to live their own lives! They dont have to ask you or anyone when they can vacation

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Definitely overreacting!

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How dare they go on vacation with their own money. just let them live their lives there will be other birthdays to celebrate, don’t keep children from them either cause life is short you just never know.

I would be so upset with my parents if they did that. I’m so sorry everyone else is being so mean but I would feel the same way you do. That stuff matters. I’m sorry you’re going through this!

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Im sorry but you little one is not going to remember his first B-day. Why start a war over nothing. Children need as much family as possible these days. Other people have lives too you know. It would be different if the baby would remember it, but he won’t. I honestly think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. And why put your husband in the middle. Its not fun to be stuck between your wife and your family. This is just not worth it.

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Remember that people do things, you decide if it affects you or not, it is their life, you cannot force people to love someone else, if the in-laws do not want to participate in the lives of their children and grandchildren, they do so. lose, parents are essential in the lives of children, however, although grandparents are important, you can live without them, that’s life.

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Your married a man, your husband NOT HIS FAMILY… GFT

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These comments are so sad. How could anyone defend grandparents not looking for their grandkids in such a special time. Births and birthdays come once a year. You can literally take a vacation any other time :unamused:

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Wait I stopped reading when you said we told them to reschedule their vacation ( who are you to tell them when to go on vacation) .

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I am in literally the exact same position. My kids have my mom as grandma and the other 2 can rot! They don’t even call my husband on his birthday. So we have zero contact and my last 2 don’t even know who they are. Also just as a funny tidbit. They don’t even know their own grandchildrens names. The call my son “the boy one” and my youngest " the little one" f them! You don’t need that mess in your life or your kids lives. It’s not petty it healing!

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Playing favorites, SUCKS! I feel for your kids. It is hard to protect the non-favored ones. My brother is the “golden boy”, my oldest is THE platinum grandson! My middle son and I not so much. But it is how my mom is. We all know this is how she rolls. Nothing can, could, or will change this. I wish I could give you more advice. Apparently those that have been snarky in their advice haven’t had to deal with this. They don’t understand. Unless my parents had made vacation reservations before I got pregnant, I would be LIVID! I agree with the gentleman above that said chances are your husband had felt with this for a long time. At 54, I finally quit trying. However, I might just let the oldest “put them on the spot”.

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Move on not a big deal

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I understand where you are coming from. My mother prefers boys and everyone in the family knows it! Males get treated better. I would try to “get over” letting it bother you and do what you think is best as far as including her. You don’t have to go out if your way for them. I will always be there for my kids.

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Sheesh. I feel so bad for your kids!

I mean maybe plan the party before or after the trip if it’s a huge deal

Um… they don’t have to tell you when they go on vacation. They can go whenever they please.
They don’t have to be at a birthday party. As long as they put forth the effort to spend some time and give a gift at any point, that is acceptable. The child will still feel loved. Just get pictures when that happens.

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By the time my kids have kids. . . I’ll be going on vacation at every opportunity! See yaaaaaaaaa :wave: :ocean: :palm_tree: :sunny:

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Its ok for the grandparents to miss things, but are they involved? The birthday is one day, are they around the other times? Thats important.

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So they wouldn’t change their vacation because it was non refundable which caused you to somehow interpret that as them being ‘all about money’ however you could have scheduled the big party the weekend before/after (while still having a small celebration on the child’s actual birthday) so everyone could have been involved and happy but you refused? Well I interpret that as you being very selfish and controlling while stomping around like a toddler throwing a tantrum because you didn’t get your way. Do you see the issue here? If this is your normal behavior maybe the in-laws have distanced themselves from YOU, not their son to simply avoid the unnecessary drama! You need to get a grip on life and the meaning of being an adult! Things won’t always go your way and be rainbows and unicorns! I’m sure they love their grandchildren unconditionally but you stand in the way of them being able to have a loving relationship with them. You are absolutely without a doubt overreacting!!!

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Wow just wow. Talk to them grow up and move forward. This is definitely not a valid reason to cut them out. You need a reality check!.

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Write them off. These low life selfish people are not worth your time. Don’t include them in anything else. Do not acknowledge Christmas or any other holiday with them. They will get the message.

Birthdays are big for me and my family too and my ex in-laws just don’t bother with them much if at all they even forget their Birthdays but their other grandchild is number 1 to them and it is all about her and my kids can’t even get a regular text message but it’s alright because they have super awesome family on my side and their great grandparents from other side are fantastic and love on my kids
So to answer your question I’d just stop even bothering with them and if they love them they will make a way to be better and contact them etc if not well that is where I’m at once I stopped bothering they never made a way for my kids sadly