Should I get a DNA test on my daughter if the possible dad doesn't want anything to do with her?

My daughter just turned one in September. The guy who raised her for the first year and was there all through the pregnancy might not be the father as we took a little break right before I got pregnant. The other guy who could possibly be the father denies it all and says there’s no chance he’s the father. The guy who was always by my side knows there’s a possibility of my daughter not being his, and he’s been there every step of the way. My question is. Should I get a DNA test to find out for sure? I believe my kid deserves to know who her father is. But at the same time, one of the possibilities already made it clear he wants nothing to do with her. So should I leave it alone and just let the guy who has been here for the last year continue to be the father figure since no matter what, he’s always supported us. And be the father role model To my daughter while the other guy has had no contact since before my daughter was born daughter just turned one in September. The guy who raised her for the first year and was there all through the pregnancy might not be the father as we took a little break right before I got pregnant. The other guy who could possibly be the father denies it all and says there’s no chance he’s the father. The guy who was always by my side knows there’s a possibility of my daughter not being his, and he’s been there every step of the way. My question is. Should I get a DNA test to find out for sure? I believe my kid deserves to know who her father is. But at the same time, one of the possibilities already made it clear he wants nothing to do with her. So should I leave it alone and just let the guy who has been here for the last year continue to be the father figure. Since no matter what, he’s always supported us. And be the father role model To my daughter while the other guy has had no contact since before my daughter was born

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Just leave it alone especially if the other dude denies this child even if it is his.

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No don’t do it. Leave it alone and take it to your grave

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My advice is get the paternity test if dude that doesn’t want anything to do with her happens to in fact be biological father he can give up his right and daddy figure may adopt if y’all are open to it… She’s only one so I would definitely don’t now

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I feel like you owe it to your child and both her possible fathers to know the truth if the guy your with is any kind of man then he will still love your daughter and continue to raise her with you …

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unless there turns out to be a medical reason to know, don’t do it. she has a dad, he wants to be there.

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Just leave it be. If hes wanting to step up and be her dad, then let him.

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I would have to myself, I’d need to know in my own mind but I would keep it secret to myself lol

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Yeah, I’d do it for medical reasons. You might need to know if certain diseases are genetic one day.

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I would say for medic purposes I would do you know in advance. But seeing has a dad I wouldn’t bother just keeping it between you and the guy who stepped up to be the father.

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Take the test, you never know what the future entails!! ANYTHING could happen… Cover ups always get uncovered… Dont lie to your child

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If you want to be sure just do it but since he doesn’t want no part in her life I would just let it be! The guy that’s been in her life since day one is her father and wants to be regardless then let him! Just bc he might not be her biological father doesn’t mean he’s not her father! DNA doesn’t determine a child’s parent, the love and being there does!

No. She has her dad.

It seems that you know the answer your self. But I understand your concern. To your daughter I know it will mean nothing to her. I have a sperm donor and than I have a father. I didn’t know until I was about 11 and it was a confusing transition and when I was old enough and actually talked to my real father I’m so glad my mom didn’t tell me sooner or that I ever met him. My “father” was there since I was about 1-2 and was amazing. I didn’t need to have anyone else. Specially someone who didn’t want me or stay around to know me. I know my mom was protecting me from him specially since he wanted know part. I think having someone there who wants and is supportive of her is better than her knowing a man who will bounce in and out of her life.

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The title of father is a gift not a right. There is a man in her life who has earned that title and thats all that matters.

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Blood doesn’t make a father. Someone who sticks around and is supportive of you and her is a father.

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Your seriously even asking this…

Yeah should’ve got tested and when she was born!

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Get a DNA test. Your child deserves to know where she came from even if the person doesn’t want anything to do with her. PLUS, what if she becomes ill later and the Dr needs to know family medical history? You should know at LEAST who he is. He doesn’t have to be involved.

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I guess if you want to know thats ok but a dad is someone who is there day in and always loving her so it sounds like she already has that.

Also, put him on child support. You didnt make that baby yourself. If the father doesn’t want to help physically, he needs to help financially.

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Who are you really wanting to know for? You? The men? The baby? Does it really matter? I would talk to the man who is raising her - does he care? He may have another option to the relationship if it isn’t his. Are you willing to jeopardize that? I say leave it alone - unless health reasons are involved for the child.

I would just let it be the way it is. Let the man be her father if he wants to be and let the sperm donor lose out :woman_shrugging:t2:. When she’s old enough to understand, you need to tell her. Do NOT lie to your child. If SHE wants a DNA test later, then you do that for her.

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I’d leave it alone. Honestly. When she gets older she can choose to,… but if he wants nothing to do with her now,… what if a positive dna test makes him want to start spending time with her to avoid paying as much child support. You don’t want him only spending time with her for that scenario. I’d think about this hard before you make your decision. If your guy is ok with raising her,… and the other one knows of the possibility, I’d say, you’re doing well right now. My opinion…

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I would cuz kid I would because of something’s wrong with the kid that gets sick and you need the father’s DNA or something from the father to help the kid get better you need that he needs to pay for his own child but God is helping you raise a kid is Audible

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Leave things be, sounds like unnecessary drama

Personally, I’d do the DNA because I couldn’t live with not knowing. But only you can answer as to what’s best for your family.

I would just test the guy that takes care of her to know if he is her real dad but he will be the father either way cause a dfather is someone who takes care of the child doesnt matter if they are related or not

I would do it 1, for a peace of mind for everyone 2, for medical reasons the child might have allergies or other conditions passed on by the possible bio dad

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DO THE DNA! our biology and dna memory need to be clear to be whole.

yes … she deserves to know and needs to know medical wise

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So, you’ll lie to her?
Really?
Get the test.
One day it may come up and she has a right to the truth.
He doesn’t have to be around.
Look at the genealogy shows…family secrets always come out.

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WTH?!
Blood does make a father. This is why paternity tests exist.

The title of father is a right. That’s why rights have to be terminated when a biological father doesn’t want to fill his role.

You people commenting all this ridiculous crap need to stop acting like sleeping with some guy and getting pregnant doesn’t make him a father. Just because the mother wishes the child had a different father that doesn’t make it the case!

As far as this question goes, I think it depends on why you’re asking. If you’re wanting your SO to “adopt” her I would think a paternity test would be required. Especially considering she could be his daughter and adoption may not be necessary.

If you choose not to test now that doesn’t mean you have to lie to her. This isn’t even a conversation that can be had with the child for several years, due to the complication of the scenario and her ability to comprehend.

I think your answer is rooted in your reason for asking the question originally.

I’d only get the dna test for medical reasons that your daughter mite need in the future
Also the not knowing will drive you mad and eventually drive a wedge between you and your partner.
Sometimes knowing is better than always wondering

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If there is two guys and you aren’t sure which one the father is you should find out. Also it would be for the better to see who the dad for you, your kid and for whoever the father is. Even if the one wants nothing to do with her you will know if hes actually the dad. It takes two to make a baby. If he didnt want anything to do with a kid he shouldn’t of went between your legs. If the other guy is or not the father and still want to help you with her then let it happen. Instead of wondering who the kids father is do the test. Also so when your kid grows up asking about the dad and you dont know what to tell her cause it could be either guy.

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Yes get one because it can continue to be a problem

Sweetie get the test why ? It forever

Do it if it comes out his the father you have idea of the relief he will feels if he isn’t you don’t have to tell him but you will know and yes she has a dad but it’s important to know if he has her dna in case of a emergency and she need a transplant or something you will already know and don’t have to lose time waiting on a dna test

Cant force a man to be a father or know your child. Save your money and leave it alone.

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Yes.Dont do it.Unless you are just curious.

Personally I would still do the DNA test. I just think 10 or 15 years down the road and your daughter starts to wonder or has questions or something medically could arise. This happened to my friend sister and she found out when she was a teenager the truth and she has never been the same sense because she feels she was lied to her entire life. So I would just get the test done and then if it is the guys child who wants nothing to do with her just have him sign his rights over but at least the truth is there

Can still get a DNA test just for confirmation…or if the guy raising her wants to know for sure. The one who wants nothing to do w her, can be notified if u chose to. As for your LO, leave it be even if the other guy turns out to be the dad. Wait til she is older to tell her if the other guy is the father…but if u n your partner wanna know just for confirmation, then can do so without your LO (since she wont remember the swabbing for the test) n the other guy knowing…if your partner is the father, then there would be nothing to ever tell ur daughter or the other guy. Or just let it be and continue life as is

I have 3 adopted children a d know No health history. Not an issue with these new DNA testing kits. I do not consider a sperm donor a father. A father cares and loves you.my 3 adult children always simply state that we are their parents.

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Children get adopted every day and not know their biological parents health problems and they live just fine! Why rock the boat when the other guy CLEARLY DOESNT WANT TO BE INVOLVED! Why make a child suffer! Get it done for yourself and leave the child out of it, if and when the child wants to know then tell her! Speaking from experience when a father chooses not to be there you can’t force it and the child is the one that pays the price! If you find out it’s not the guy you’re with then get the other one to terminate rights bc possibly one day he will walk back in and screw up you and your child’s life! Been there done that!

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Get it done save her the heartache of doing it when she’s older?

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I wud because the one that wants too MAY CHANGE HIS MIND IN 5 YEARS, & VISA VERSA

Let the dad that wants to be a dad , be the dad

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Your decision but need it for family health reasons.

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Does it really matter? The man who’s helping raise her is her father, that’s all you need to know :sparkling_heart:

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Your decisions to sleep with two different people should be the driving force for you to get the DNA test.

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If I had a question in my mind. I would have to know for sure. One day you may need to know for your child’s health reasons. Best to do it now then have it hanging over ans something happen. The father who takes care of the baby has the option to get legal rights if you choose to so should he not be the bio person

For medical purposes i would get the dna test done

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One guy wants to be involved and is. The other doesnt want to and isnt. Why are you rocking the boat?

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I would because at some point, your daughter will have questions.

Get it, but keep in mind DNA doesn’t make a family. She has the right to know, especially when it comes to medical issues later in life.

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Not unless it is court ordered. Why cause issues when you already have someone raising ur baby with you and you are happy

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PLUS then the other guy will have legal rights over ur child and the other person will not have any legal rights over her. That means medical decisions. School decisions. Ect.

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Its going to always be there in the back of your mind wondering,just do it! If he is like that full of unconditional love he will raise the child with you be fine

If there wasn’t a chance of genetic illness like asthma I would say leave it but even if he is the dad don’t force him to be involved she has a daddy

No, she will know who her daddy is.

jerry??? he can tell ya

Do the dna test. You have a man that wants to raise her knowing she might not be his. And if the other guy is you can go for child support. You will have a father figure for your daughter and extra financial support from the other man (if and when he pays it if he is the father)

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I think you should for medical reasons in case things come up it’s better to be prepared but also I think you should because it’s what is fair

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If you want them to both feel bad then do it.

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Let the child support agency do it. If he denies her then they do a DNA test and he has to pay for it.

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I would leave it alone unless there is an issue. She has a daddy and that’s what is most important.

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Why are all these people telling her to get child support from a sperm donor? He said he wanted no part of the child - raise your child with the man who has chosen to be her father and forget the other guy ever existed .

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There needs to be more context. Is her dad on the birth certificate? Also you don’t have to go thru the court to get a dna test. So really if it’s only possibly 2 guys as the father then if your SO isn’t you know who the father is and make the decision for yourself what you wanna do.

Don’t do it! It takes more than dna to be a dad

DNA test and let ur now boyfriend raise her. Dont involve the other guy if he is her dad just let it be unless u need him to step up financially at some point

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I think you should so you can be honest with your child.

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Blood doesn’t make a father… I’d leave it alone. Seriously. If the other guy wants no part of her, getting a test done isn’t going to prove anything. She has someone in her life who is daddy, who loves her, who will wipe the tears, and be there. That’s what matters. Not a piece of paper. This is coming from someone who has a sperm donor who says he’s not my father, refuses a DNA test, I don’t even think he is my bio dad. But who has 2 men in my life who have raised me, and they’re who I remember. Not the man who doesn’t want me.

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Did the guy who might be the father know right away when you got pregnant that he might be the father or did you just mention it to him now? Also, you should have gotten a dna test done immediately if there was a question if paternity. Got a dna test done, but then don’t fight it if once the result show the other guy is the father (if he is), if he changes his mind and want to be involved in her life (50% custody).

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DNA only for medical purposes. It would concern me if they asked about medical issues and I didn’t have an answer for his side. I would like to kno so I can prepare if there are underlying issues.

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You need to know for sure, but if the one guy wants to be her dad, and the other doesn’t, you don’t need to share blood for that. However, you need to know because she will need to know her family history for medical reasons later down the track.

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Bottom line if u get a dna test done that’s proving paternity, whoever it ends up being will have rights to that child…you could do an at home dna to see if the guy who’s been there for u is the dad but take it from me, do not do anything on the books or concerning the state about it…if its the other guy he could show up at any point and file for visitation etc…even if its like 15 yrs later.

Knew someone with a similar issue. He doesn’t want to be a father. And to be really clear on this, your baby is not the curious one right now. You are. Baby knows the guy you are with, who loves and treats them well, as daddy. And truly, they won’t be curious until several years down the road, if even then, if they are given or find a reason to doubt.

Is settling your curiosity worth it to unsettle their world if he changes his mind about being involved? Then you can and likely will be involved with legal matters to pull the child back and forth between the two of you. Know what kind of door you are opening if this is the choice you plan to make. Just like getting child support. Do you do it if you can get by and be okay without if he’s not a good person you want around just because you feel he ‘should’?

There is very little medical relevance you can gleen from paternity. Only probabilities if the baby is healthy and well right now. Almost everything else can be addressed with a pediatrician if something develops.

Eventually, when the baby is in middle school or so, you may feel you need to clear your conscience in some way and tell them. Remember this and evaluate if this is truly for their good and not just because you feel they ‘should’ know. If it will serve no purpose but for your conscience and they are happy, healthy, and prospering, rethink your motives again. You can’t always reclose doors you might not have been wise to open to begin with.

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From your post, your relationship with this guy doesn’t sound too serious at the moment. I’d do the DNA test. There are plenty of guys who help raise someone else’s kid from birth then they brake up and want nothing to do with the kid.

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It’s better for your daughter to know. Then she knows just exactly how a good man looks when she looks at your partner, especially if it turns out he’s not actually her dad.

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For the child’s sake…get a DNA! You never know what sickness, family issues or anything that the paternal side might have.

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I was a child who went through this. It’s better to let her think that the man who has been taken care of her is her father. A test isn’t going to make someone step up and take care of their kid. Being an actual parent, regardless if they’re biologically theirs or not, is who the father is.

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Honestly don’t do it. My brother found out his daughter wasn’t his when she turned 5. It broke his heart and ruined the relationship with her. DNA doesn’t mean squat if there’s love there.

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Yes just in case you can get medial history from him if you need it in the future.

Your daughter is one, you should have definately already gone through this process.

People don’t understand that DNA test are more important than just finding out which guy is the dad. You have to consider medical history. God forbid something happens to that child in the future. Rather than wasting time trying to find out who is bio dad. They can be running tests to check for conditions related to family history. I swear people forget condoms exist.

I would petition the court for his DNA. Go for support

For medical reasons get the DNA. Plus, if current dad knows already it’s not going to change anything, but could confirm he is dad afterall. The child will want to know in the future.

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If for no other reason, do it for medical purposes. You never know what medical history the child may need in the future. It would be great to just say screw the dna test since u have a good guy but even the good guy may want to know later in life it wouldn’t be fair to do it to the child later.

I would just for family medical history reasons. Besides, anyone can be a father, it takes a real man to be a dad.

Only for medical reasons would you need it , you don’t need to let them know only your child needs this info.

I would wait til ur child gets old enough to understand then talk to her about it

leave it alone, you might do more harm than good

  1. Will this hurt the man who has been her daddy for over a year?
  2. If you do the test and the other guy is her biological father, you’re opening up him getting 50/50 custody.
    Choose wisely.