Should I go the legal route?

Short of the long story; I have always had an up and down relationship with my eldest daughter. She was recently pregnant, throughout 8.5 months of her pregnancy, everything was fine, until I refused to lend them money. They got really mad and decided they didn't want me in their lives anymore. 4 days later my granddaughter was born. She is refusing to let me have any contact because of it. It seems my only option is to go to court for visitation, but I'm torn between waitng or not. I am loosing precious time that I can never get back with my granddaughter, but bringing her to court will probably destroy any chance I have of mending fences with my daughter....How long would you wait before going the legal route and risk loosing my daughter in the process? Thank you in advance, for all the help
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What state are you in, provided you are in the USA? Each state is different, some have grandparent’s rights while others do not. If you do, court is of course an option. But to try to mend fences with your daughter, explain why financial help was not possible (many people just can’t, but perhaps you could but did not want to encourage her to not be responsible in the future?). In any case, I sure hope you can work it out, sounds like your daughter is really being entitled and selfish, not doing what is best for her baby, but what is best for her.

Not many states have grandparents rights for intact families. It would be different if they lost custody and you were fighting the state. However, her parents are together and you don’t have an established relationship that was terminated so I am not sure you have a leg to stand on, legally. It is completely wrong for your daughter to emotionally blackmail you but I don’t think you have any legal standing to see your grandchild.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I go the legal route? - Mamas Uncut

Depending on where you are, grandparent rights aren’t an option. Definitely check your state laws.

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Depending on your state grandparents may not have any rights at all

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Most places grandparents don’t have rights honestly. I would look into it way more before you did anything. If a parent doesn’t want someone around their child it’s their choice

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Unfortunately grandparents have no rights. So the only way to see her is if your daughter decides to let you. It’s the parents choice to let who they want around their child

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You as a grandparent have no legal rights to visitation. You should consult with attorney for specifics!

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Most states don’t offers grandparents rights and if they do its under very specific circumstances. Like I know in my state the grandparents child must be deceased or incarcerated, or the children must be in state custody for grandparents rights to even be an option.

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In my state grandparents have no rights and can’t get visitation so u should check that first

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Where I live grandparents aren’t given rights unless the parents are found to be unfit.

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Unless she is unfit - Grandparents don’t have rights - my friend works for DSS ! You can’t make her let you see the child

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Does your state have grandparents rights? Some states do; some not

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Grandparents are not guaranteed or entitled to rights.

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Do you live in a state that allows grandparent’s rights? A lot of states don’t. In special circumstances sometimes. I would check and see if you even have them where you live.

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Personally I would say don’t do it. It’s a parents choice who’s in their kids lives. And it also greatly depends on why you’ve always had a rocky relationship w your daughter.

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Is there possibly something you did for her to go no contact or is her safety being compromised? My mother has not seen much of my child and there’s definitely a reason for it. Are you possibly narcissistic and not realize it?
There are two sides to every story. Sending love. :heart:

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They’re holding your grand daughter hostage for money ??

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Bringing in the courts. Why? Unnecessary Headache. Chill out and wait.

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I personally think if you can then you should. Your daughter will some day consider how much you love your granddaughter and we’re willing to fight for her.

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Were they gonna spend them money on bad things ? I mean 4 days before she had the baby. I’m sure she was stressed and everything.
Don’t take your daughter to court, that is her child, not yours. Just because she chooses to not let you in her life, look back at why she may think that. Maybe she needed you and you weren’t there…coming from someone whose daughter doesn’t see my mother, because of bad choices she’s made my entire life. I chose not to subject my daughter to the same hurt. Work it out with your daughter, if you really love them.

Good luck

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Getting the court involved definitely will not help.

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As a mom with a granddaughter. This is between you and your daughter. Speak to her like an adult. My mom took me to court to see my boys. You know what happen, more drama and she got supervised access she didn’t show up for. It was a waste of my money and time and a waste of tax payers money.

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Here in Canada we have grandparent rights… but at the end of the day, it should be up to the parents (unless unfit)… do you really want to subject a child to being caught between her/his parents and grandparents??

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I don’t think you can even get grandparents right unless you previously had custody of the baby.

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I would try counseling for you to process the situation and work on yourself.

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Not sure your state but SC has no grandparent rights anymore :pleading_face: as well as several other states.

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I don’t think it would matter of you went to court. I’d check your state laws but I know in our state your right to your grandchild would only come into play if your daughter had passed away or was incarcerated or incapacitated in some manner.

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As a child whose mom took her to court for visitation I wouldn’t- you will definitely destroy any hope of a relationship.

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Ik Michigan Has grandparent rights because my aunt had to take my cousins, Childs mother to court for grandparent rights. She was granted visitation rights. Not sure about other states, or outside the US though.

Most states don’t have grandparent rights try talking first

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They’re not property. Wait it out and see what happens don’t try to control the situation

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Where are you located? Grandparents rights don’t exist in Indiana.

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you dont take your kid to court to see her child. she will come around eventually

In Indiana grandparents only have rights to 4hours a month with their grandchildren if they take parents to court. It’s absolutely better than nothing but it’s still just not enough time. Hopefully she’ll come to her senses, everyone needs their mama when they’re a new mother.

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I wouldn’t try the court route. One you probably won’t win and two yes you will isolate her. Chalk it up to hormones and hope that she will come around. Leave the door open by sending cards/gifts. Send messages asking how child is doing. Write letters, poems and notes. Put them all in a box. Then one day you can show them to said child how painful this time is for you. Do things you enjoy and try not to dwell on. 90% of time they come around. Sit tight.

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If she needed money before, she’ll need money now. Maybe you can ‘loan’ her a couple of bunks. You can see the baby when she comes to pickup the loan

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Your best bet to be honest is to mend things with your daughter. Also RIGHT NOW baby is BRAND NEW and you don’t have any rights to demand time to be truthful as baby NEEDS their parents and there is no way for you to get overnights or ACTUAL visits with baby alone. Also it is usually left up to the parents on who they see if to be around baby. If both parents agree you would have a hard case to fight ESPECIALLY because of baby’s age. And trying to force your presence right now ESPECIALLY after parents said no will only further damage your bond with the parents.

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The courts won’t do anything for you!!

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She’ll need a babysitter at some point…

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Mind your business and leave your daughter alone, grandparents have no rights.

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Most times unless the parents are unfit, grandparent rights are not a thing. I would try and fix your relationship with her, and in her own time you might be able to be around the grand baby. But the harsh reality is, you are not entitled to her child.

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Sounds more like & yu & her problem yu need to work out if yu get the courts involved yu will more than likely lose both her & the grandchild

Your daughter is the one who gets to decide what role you have, if any.

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Am I really reading this right? You’re willing to be so selfish to take your DAUGHTER to court to see HER daughter? Wait what?

This post alone shows your character, and you wouldn’t be around my kids either if you were my mother.

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I would never forgive my mother for that, not to mention most states do not recognize grandparent rights. I think you should be more respectful of the situation.

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Depends on where you live. Grandparents right don’t exist in a lot of states. And those grandparents that push for it have to have proof that they have a bond with the child or its in the child’s best interest to be around them.

Honestly, yes it’s your grandbaby, but its not your child, and you don’t have any legal right to see that child. Most states don’t have grandparent rights. All you can do is try and mend things with your own daughter.

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Grandparent rights are given when parents take away grandchildren that have already been in your life and you have already had and made an impact on them and it’s rarely given. It’s not a go around to force the visitation if the parents have agreed to not allow you contact

I would have a sit down and figure out what happened it should never be a money issue. If it is then you know where you stand in this situation

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Hormones are raging inside of her. I feel like she will be calling you any day now to come help with the baby. Its tough and she will realize she needs you for more than just money.

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My husbands mother isn’t in our lives and will never see her granddaughter because she threatened to take us to court for grandparent rights. She doesn’t get to have any relationship with her because she cannot stay off drugs and we don’t want that in her life. If she cleans up her act and goes to rehab for a couple years and stays clean and stops threatening court to us then I might consider it but until then it’s a hard no for me as well as my husband.

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If you take her to court she really will never forgive you. Just give her time. Yes it’s lovely having a baby granddaughter but it’s not like you need “bonding” time with her at that age, only the parents do. Seems like you need to back off and give her space she’s clearly going through a lot right now and you’re more worried about yourself than her

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You sound psycho just saying and I’m sure ur daughter knows it too :grin:

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I’m sure there’s more to this than her not letting you see her over money. You did say up and down relationship so there’s definitely more to it as to why. Who she wants around her child is her choice and you shouldn’t take that from her.

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That is not your child…god damn right your kid will never speak to you again…wow…just wow

Wait and try and give your daughter her own space for awhile slowly try to make things work phone call cards

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Most states won’t do anything in this case… grandparents rights are typically only given to grandparents who have either a deceased child, or if the children are in danger, or if your grandchild lived with you for over half a year. They don’t give rights for your child not wanting that relationship with you, as sad as it might be. Also taking her to court would more than likely ruin any chance of reconciliation.

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I wouldn’t go the court route bc you probably won’t win… that’ll give her more reason to not let you see your grandchild… she’s your daughter, regardless the ups and downs you have had… if she needs help right now, then help her…

Depending on the state, you may not have any rights as a grandparent. In PA, grandparents have no rights

Personally I find your daughter selfish. Grand parents only have rights in certain states. I am sorry this is happening. I would try to talk with your daughter first before even going the route you are thinking legally.

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Let her be. Eventually she’ll need help & come calling.

The court wont do anything unless she is a bad mother. I would never forgive my mother if she did this to me. She is a new mom and has enough stress!!! Dont add to it.

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A lot of variables here…why were you unwilling to loan them money? If it was for necessities, you had the money and for whatever reason chose to withhold it, then you need to realize that what goes around, comes around.
Going to the legal system would most likely make them dig in their heels and cause a lifelong rift. You were under no obligation to share your money and they are under no obligation to share their child, but time often heals old wounds. Do not inflict new ones…Give them time and space. :woman_shrugging:

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You’re not entitled to her children or her company… even legally.

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Grandparents rights arnt a thing unless your daughter dies so good luck with that.

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Sounds like there’s more to this story than what you typed in this post. I’d suggest you get to the root of the problem and try to fix that vs trying to force your will upon her. That will never work out well for u in the end.

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Courts won’t do anythin unless the child has no parents or gtta b removed n the intermate family gets offered before placing child in care

I’d try counciling n see if there any help they need or anythin ( yu can always buy them things stead money if u don’t want money spend stupid if this is reason if not scrap this idea ) or see if they want to spend time together or even further down line offer to have grandaughter so they can go on date or spend time me on one togerther (me n Mr don’t have this choice)

I’d just try to work on your relationship with your daughter, taking her to court will just make things worse.

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Depending what state you are in. Grandparents dnt have rights.

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you know just because you MAYBE get visitation does NOT mean they will honor… only as good as the people want it to be they will just move I would rethink that one.

Taking her to court would take money out of their household and ensure you never have an amicable relationship. You sure it’s just about the money?

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You don’t have rights. They are her parents. If they don’t want you in her life you need to suck it up.

Her kid, her choice. The fact that you’re willing to pay money to drag her through a legal proceeding to infringe on her rights as a parent when you have no established relationship with the child to begin with… yikes :grimacing: makes me feel like there’s more to the story than “I wouldn’t lend them money” :eyes:

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You will lose. You are not a bio/legal parent. They have no legal obligation to allow you to see their daughter unless you fight for custody and prove they are unable to provide and care for their daughter.

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I’d say throw pride out the door, apologize for whatever you have to so you can grow a better relationship with your daughter and in turn your granddaughter… have humility… there is no shame in it… the court thing is gross. If you have money for court fees and lawyers then you could have loaned her money… :unamused: :roll_eyes: and wouldn’t be out of contact currently… js

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Put yourself in her shoes how would you have felt if your mother or mother in law did this to you right after having your daughter ? 3 sides to every story I am sorry but I think it’s wrong.

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Okay I’m gonna get hate for this comment, but what makes you think you’re entitled to visitation with her? Why would you ever want to fight HER MOTHER for it, in court? To put a newborn through that? You’re giving up one for the other and that isn’t how it works. Most states, Grandparents have absolutely no rights. Why? Because you’re not the parent and you are of no say so over that child! Maybe ask if thats truly the reason why she doesn’t want you around (because you wouldn’t lend them money; what was the money for? Was it a necessity and were you rude about them asking?) Its absolutely disgusting to me, that you won’t allow the parent of her own child to parent how she sees fit. You’ve done your job. Your job is now accept her decisions whether you like them or not. Your job is to be a loving grandma and caring should she ever allow you around her child. Why is that even a question? Maybe try to mend your own relationship (fyi that often equires doing things you don’t agree with) and sit back and let her be. Its not your place. Its rude, and disgusting that you would take your own daughter as a new mother, her newborn baby, and waste everyone’s time in a court room because YOU are upset that you haven’t gotten to see a BRAND NEW baby! Selfish much!?

You can not do anything. It is her kid and her choice. Grow up and leave her be. They will come around at their own time.

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Focus on fixing your relationship with your daughter, you have no rights. I would never let someone I to my life that drug me through court. You are over the top, you’re also missing out on precious moments being a mother in one of the most difficult times of her life.
Rights are for those who were actively involved in the upbringing of a child, not a new baby you’ve never met.

You have no rights as a grandparent. Not trying to be mean, but if you go that route you’ll be just wasting your time and money because the court won’t give you visitation rights.

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Court is a bad idea that’s just going to piss her off 🥲 I wish my mother would!! :yawning_face:

Just wait she’ll come around. If shes young, inexperienced and it’s her first child. She will definitely call you for advice to babysit and she’s going to want to sleep and shower. That’s where you come in. Sad that she got so upset about money.

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I believe there’s no visitation rights for grandparents unless you can prove legally they’re unfit parents.
I understand your frustration but trying to control your daughter by going the court route gives a little window to your broken relationship with her. You can not control your grown child. Give her time and space but that her know you want to be apart of their lives. She needs you.

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Grandparents have little to no rights, good luck.

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Just be nice to them.

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Taking the legal route only will make your relationship with your daughter a battleground. And hinder you further from seeing your grandchild.

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Honestly check your state on grandparent right cause some states don’t have em before spending a bunch of money. I honestly wouldn’t do it. I know you wanna see your grandchild but it’s not worth the fight to put your daughter through when she will come around and she will need you. Just wait patiently and when she comes back do not go for the straight I told you so. Just be there with love and support

There also is likely another side to the story here.

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I think you should have a real heartfelt conversation with her :gift_heart: Court would be the worst thing you could do if it were me

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My poor Aunt is going through the same thing with her daughter. She will not take her to court. The kids are all 3 already so much a part of her life, the same happened, she refused to lend them money, and they have in turn kept her kids from they’re very loving grandmother. The man in her daughters life is the cause of all of this. My aunt is waiting (reluctantly I might add) for her to figure it out or for the kids to be old enough they no longer need their mothers permission. We have tried keeping her from her own grandmother, but she doesn’t seem to care one bit. My aunt wanted to go the legal route but she went to see a lawyer and he told her if she perused legal visitation, she probably wouldn’t win, as those types of cases are rarely taken seriously unless the children are in some sort of distress or danger without the grandparent in their life. I really hope she comes to her senses, I can’t even imagine ever keeping my mom from my kids, no matter what our relationship was!!!

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Good luck bc unless your state has Grandparents rights, you probably won’t get any visitation.
She’ll call when she realizes she needs help.

It breaks my heart that kids do this. They’re hurting the kids first & foremost, and us.

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Apologize. But if the standards are that you have to be at their beck and call… Lending or giving her money for a relationship with your granddaughter, don’t bother, it’ll happen again. Her child her choice. Me personally??? BYE!!!

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Depending what state you live in there is no grandparents rights

Some states have grandparent rights but not all. You might want to consult a lawyer or look up grandparent laws in your state

Courts will just take your money and not really get you anywhere.

Sounds like if you did give them the money the next time you didn’t do something they’d use the baby as a weapon.

Just let her know your door is always open and open a saving account for the little one for her when you decide

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In most states grandparents don’t have rights. It seems you’re trying to be controlling

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Coming from my personal experience and facing ups and downs with my mom, I would say just to give it time. But still check in via text/voicemails (if she doesn’t answer calls ect) It’ll be better to let her know that your still there for her regardless of the current situation. She’ll come around!!

I’m 32 years old and still need my mommy, she needs you too :heart:

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