She sounds bat sh** crazy. Whats with the competition? A mothers love and a wife’s love is a different love. Ask your husband of he thinks counseling is a good idea and if so, bring it up to her together. If not leave it alone and I wouldn’t bother with her to much bc she isn’t of a healthy sound mind n its aggravation you don’t need and its not cool for your kids to see this bizarre behavior. Why do you talk w her so often anyway? Sounds like daily.
Sounds narcissistic to me. Very manipulative and weird too. Maybe she needs help bc some of her behaviors sound like a child. I would just cut back time a little bit. Not cut her off completely, but limit time with her for your sanity & your family’s
She sounds like my mother who has mental health issues and has always been a narcissist. I call my mom once a week and when she starts her bs, I just say love you bye. Those are complicated relationships. You might be the only constant in her life, set some boundaries
Honestly it sounds like she needs some therapy. The fact that she feels the need to compete with her son’s wife is really weird and disturbing.
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She needs help,
She is emotionally blackmailing you. Let her family deal with her
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Sounds like she’s a selfish person who only cares about herself and who has to be the centre of attention I would cut ties and only see her when absolutely necessary
I know what your going through it gets worse unless y’all cut her off for good. It’s called a narcissist babe. Don’t tell any of your business or feelings ever. U are the devil to her. U are what’s standing in her way. It’s so sad and draining. It never gets better. As soon as I think it is she will strike. Don’t let your guard down.
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Her family has dealt with this for a long time & that’s why they’ve distanced themselves from her. They might have even tried to help her who knows, maybe reach out if you’re close to a sister in law or brother in law? Obviously something is off with her, this isn’t normal behavior.
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Sounds familiar tbh… manipulative and toxic. Cut ties. Save yourself anymore years of hassle. 
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Sounds very narcissistic and jealous to me.
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You sound like you could be one of my sister in laws… Run far away from her. And keep your kids away too.
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Weird… call her out on her bullshit. If you want to have her in your life and the kids, call her out. Doesn’t have to be aggressive… when she says wack job stuff ask her why she would say something like that! Or when she’s upset the kids said her outfit sucked ask her to not put the kids in the middle if she can’t handle them being honest. The only way people know their wrong doing is telling them… it’s manipulative behavior. You can shut it down or shut it out.
Narcissistic absolutely. There is a reason her own children don’t involve her. They have dealt with it their whole lives. You’ve got 9 years of it. You too will get tired of it and start avoiding her. When it doesn’t bother you anymore, like it doesn’t bother her children, you too will be able to ignore her. When she plays the victim just say. Not today. Pointing fingers, not today. Say I don’t want to get involved. When she talks about how men want her. Say not in front of the children. Inappropriate. She is looking for a reason to be the victim.
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Sounds like MIL is bipolar. I would avoid her.
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I’m not being “mean” at all, but it sounds like your MIL has bipolar disorder, some narcissism, and lots of unresolved issues.
Just know, YOU cannot fix any of that. However, you can attempt to find her a good therapist, encourage her to visit therapy weekly, ask to be involved with her mental care ( as in getting, filling & taking meds).
Likewise, do not cut off communication. You just have to accept this is “her issue” not yours, & don’t take any of it personally. Just offer the love, care & compassion you always have & of course let your children know her also.
Encourage her some, tell her she’s very pretty for her age, she’s in great shape, you are proud of her for “a topic”.
Every single human on Earth wants love, compliments & compassion. Unfortunately those with mental illness usually get less of that, & act out as children do when not getting enough attention.
Maybe make “therapy days” a weekly date with her. Help her get ready, drive her there, have lunch before or after her sessions. Get hair or nails done together. The more you make it a good thing, the more she may follow thru on it.
It’s exhausting, for sure, but parents are parents, so we should do what we can to help as we grow into our own adulthood.
Best of luck young lady. You seem like a great girl with a good heart 
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I pushed my husband to include his mother back in his life and it was disastrous for him. There was baggage that I didn’t know about until later.
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I would tell her straight up to get mental help are u all will be outta her life for good
My mother-in-law was just like that everything was about her I push forward for my husband because unlike yours mine couldn’t except what his mom was doing was crazy because that’s how she had always been and all he knew from her I even was the one to care for her once her cancer became really bad I cared for her up until she died and even did her cleaning and dressing for the funeral home to come get her (I’m a CNA) I had done it many times before I’m not saying you should do this as it took it’s toll on me but talk to your husband and see what his opinion is
I would just say your son didn’t replace you. I’m not his mother, I’m his wife. And I’m not getting in the middle, you need to talk to him about how you feel and I tell him to do the same and I have nothing more than that. I can’t fix these problems between you and your son anymore than I created them.
Your family needs to have an intervention with her for mental help. This is definitely serious.
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She seems like she needs therapy… And some friends.
As a boy mom, it’s hard seeing our baby trust someone else. We get “replaced” in a sense. It’s sad.
But I don’t blackmail my son into not hanging out with his gf. I rasied to grow up and be an adult.
He and I get our time when he’s home for just us. But I don’t get how she thinks her behavior is going to make him “choose” her. 
sounds like she needs some therapy and help. I would distance myself and hope she gets the help she needs
Sounds like a mental disorder to me. But sadly she would have to want the help, to get better.
Sounds like the mind of a crazy old women, who’s lost her youth and beauty. Who lost the love an affection she use to get from her son and now sees her son loving someone else. That is a crazy adjustment. We will all be old and crazy sooner then later.
I would not take it personally and tell the children oh grandma being crazy again. Happens with old people. It’s because of unhealthy coping skills and mental health issues.
Personally don’t take any of it seriously. Just manage the behavior by brushing it off. If she goes extreme take a break from her, but like you said it’s not all the time.
Definitely think it’s just mental health and aging. Most people go kinda nuts.
I disagree with cutting family off exspessially the elderly. Unless there is physical or sexaual abuse going on.
The babbles of a old lady though. Brush it off, take it with a grain of salt and remind your self it’s coming from the mouth of a crazy old women.
Sounds just like my borderline personality Mother, run fast and please don’t let her around your young ones!
She sounds extremely insecure to the point of I feel sorry for her, but that’s probably what she wants. I know my Mom’s relationship with my Brothers when they left home was so different than her girls. I always felt it was because the boys seemed to always go to the in laws. I could see how it hurt my Mom. But her daughters always came home. I only had girls thankfully, but I never feel slighted when they go to their in laws. I think it’s boy Mom’s. I wish you the best in your relationship with her. Lots of great advice above.
That chick has issues and has nothing to do with any of y’all.
Sounds like she has some mental health issues she should get checked out.
She definitely needs a mental evaluation. You say she has good days and bad. That means something’s wrong there. Maybe Bipolar? Idk.
I’d cut back with the kids and let the husband and family talk with her about her mental health.
Some people don’t think any woman is good enough, just flow with it Avoid her on bad days love her on good
My only advice I can give you babe is too distant yourself there’s a reason why your hubby wants to distant himself from his mother. I have encouraged my husband to get closer to his mother till he explained to me that he really doesn’t care to have a relationship with her. He has his reasons maybe support your husband and distant yourself from her she sounds like she needs help… she has mental issues and sounds like she is in denial about it. Sending positive vibes.
Nlp help her to come out of this.
Some of that stuff sounds creepy
These are her issues and it sounds like she needs some mental health help. A strong indicator is when your own children (your husband included) don’t have much, if anything, to do with her.
I would supervise time she has with her grands just bc she doesn’t give healthy dialogue.
Hopefully you all can help her get the help she needs.
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She’s a narcissist and there’s no changing that. I’d keep a distance while still keeping it civil and I’d put an end to the beauty questions to the kids. That’s extremely inappropriate, You could say something like “I’m glad you love yourself and prioritize self care but please refrain from asking our children if you meet their beauty standard. I’m raising them to see kindness, compassion and intelligence in others as their beauty standard” Or you can have your husband say it but until one of you stop her in her tracks, She’s not going to process that her feelings are not to be projected onto your children
Sounds like there’s actually something wrong with her. Blaming her without getting to the problem is juvenile… Try to get her evaluated also the fact that her kids don’t give her any attention could be what’s making things worse. Like why did your husband try pushing her away? Why does her daughters ignore her? I’d be very wary if my husband ignored his parents or never spoke to them. It’s a 2 way street, there’s 2 sides to a story and there’s his version, her version and the truth of what’s really going on.
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If you really want a relationship with her, maybe try to convince her to get help. It’s a long shot but that’s all you can do. Let her know that if she refuses help she won’t see you, your husband, and your kids.
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She sounds just like my mother-in-law, the definition of a narcissistic. You do not owe her anything. Cut her out and protect those kiddos of yours. If she is not going to be a stable and healthy person in their lives then she needs to go.
She sounds really insecure and needs constant reassurance. Her unstable personality is probably why your husband tunes her out of his life. You are kind and have a good heart, but you may be doing your kids a favor by removing them from a situation that is setting strange norms for them (eg: asking them if she is pretty then almost crying etc).
She sounds like she is suffering from an undiagnosed mental condition. She needs to see a doctor. And you need to take deep breaths and understand that sometimes you can’t change people…she may always be like this. Try your best to have her over when she is not so “out of sorts”
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Definitely narcissistic. She’s manipulating you something fierce. If her own children are pushing her out, you need to pay attention to that. Definitely cut ties.
Sounds like a narcissist. Growing up with a narcissistic parent is hard. My relationship with my own mom doesn’t go beyond small talk because when she goes off on a “me, me, me” praise trip, my brain goes numb. As a kid it was always about her and we were her pawns to make people feel sorry for her. As an adult I am familiar with her manipulative behaviors and ways of speaking, I just see right through it. Hard to have a relationship with someone that only wants you around if you benefit their ego.
Sounds like one of my friends parents. She’s bipolar with multiple personalities and is not being treated. She’s no longer allowed to see any of the grandkids because she became violent with one of the parents and tried to get child protective services involved for no reason
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That sounds like emotional incest. Where she’s gaining the validation she would in a relationship from her son/grandchildren. I’d say her relationship with you is more so one to facilitate this than a true one.
Also if he doesn’t want a relationship then there’s a reason. He doesn’t have to get along with her because that’s his mom. Imagine him being a child and her seeking validation for her worth/looks from him. Now she blames her worth on him cause he’s “replaced her”. That’s not healthy for him.
The whole that’s family thing needs to go on. She has issues she isn’t fixing and that’s on her. But him separating himself is for his well-being and mental health. Seems if she’s flip flopping, cause if you stress, and manipulating/seeking validation from your own children it would benefit you and your family to also distance yourself.
She totally sounds like a narcissist but I really think there are some mental issues in this as well. She needs some help but do not feel like that is your job to do. Your kids come first and she doesn’t need to create that same weird bond with them as she had with her own kids. I would speak to all her kids, maybe a family meeting to get their ideas and figure out how to handle it because it definitely shield not be all on you if you decided to help.
Sounds like she lacks validation 
many of that age and up generation mental health is just something to hide. Either accept her for all she is and isn’t and learn how to weave around it so your kids can have some type of relationship with her or follow your husband’s cue. You cannot “fix” her. When and if she sees a problem with herself she will need to seek help. If you choose to continue set boundaries. And INSIST they be followed. This is really all you can do:woman_shrugging: good luck
She sounds like a narcissist. Id follow your husband and sister in laws suits and not bother with having her in your lives. I know it’s harsh but it’s really ugly to be like that personality wise and not healthy for your children to be around. She doesn’t sound stable and only seems to be around to fish for compliments or talk down on whoever cause no one else else wants to be around her.
Without knowing her full history, this definitely looks like she has a grandiose view of herself and I’d have to agree that the cycles you are seeing are likely manic periods of bipolar. She needs help and is probably crying when you mention it because she doesn’t want to admit it or know where to start. Keep a close eye on her, I’d definitely try to get her to get help.
DEFINITELY super narcissistic behavior… borderline delusional it sounds like. I would keep her at a distance if possible and only hang around if necessary like during holidays and birthdays. She seems really weird if you ask me. Who the hell asks kids that?! 
Honestly-it sounds like an undiagnosed mental illness (or two.) So the question becomes, how much contact can you reasonably continue with without causing harm to YOUR family? Clearly, she’s not medicated and nothing is going to change. If you stop all contact you will become the bad person…it’s a rough place to be.
Where does she live with you why if she 50 then does she have a job or???
I know its tough especially what all of us are dealing with these days
There a reason why none of the other siblings dont want to deal with her its not all on you and have you really talk to your husband about why he feels about his mom??
Have you seen the show Smothered? If not try to watch it, you may realize that it could be so much worse! I wouldn’t cut her out of your life completely and would take everything she says and does with a grain of salt. Tell yourself she probably can’t help the way she is at this point and I seriously doubt she’ll change. It’s sad I know, but just remember who you are and do your best in dealing with her. Good luck!
Your mother in law sounds like she could use some mental help… Don’t take the crap anymore, I understand you wanting to keep her in y’all’s life because the children but lord if she’s like this I wouldn’t want her around my kids till she got her crap together!!!
To me it sounds like she has a very unhealthy relationship in her head with her son. Kinda creepy if you ask me. And id listen to your husband and cut ties with her. And keep your kids away. So what if this upsets her. She can go somewhere else to get compliments on how she looks. Compared to what others her own age.
Nope. You’ve tried and look you’ve got this post up. In laws can either be very enjoyable or total bummer. You font need a relationship with her just keep things civil and don’t ever go out of your way or allow them space to cause you grief. And believe me. some want to.
It’s called leave and cleave for a reason.
Sounds like a mental illness. Seems her children pushed her away to keep her toxic behavior away from them.
Not sure why you would want to expose your children to that emotional manipulation ( emotional abuse possibly)
Unless she seeks treatment, your best option may be to keep the distance
She’s attention starved - her own kids don’t even bother with her. I know she’s very narcissistic but it’s sad that her kids don’t bother with her (even just maybe on a small scale). So many kids let their parents raise them and then just cast them aside. Yes she may have some deep rooted issues but ffs she is their mother 🥲. You’re a good woman for keeping her in your life. Unless she is being cruel or inappropriate with your children I say keep her in your life and tolerate her behavior, she’s craving attention. Some day she will be gone and they will be sorry they didn’t make time for her.
Could be BPD or narcissism. Or both. Protect your children and I would engage with her as little as possible
Sounds like she is suffering from bipolar mood disorder. My mother is like this.
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This sounds like my mother. Classic narcissistic behavior. I actually think my mother also has borderline personality disorder. I just recently cut all ties. It was hard because deep down I love her, but I can’t keep dealing with it and having her drag my kids into it. She’ll be moderately okay to be around and then suddenly everything is your fault and she’s been this poor helpless victim. She’s told my 4 year old that he’s the only reason her heart is still beating. He doesn’t need that kind of pressure. She’s threatened suicide to get our attention more times than I can count. When my 3 yr old daughter was an infant my mom got in my face, was cussing me out, while I was nursing the baby and my husband had to pull her away from me. Well right after that she tripped on a shoe and now will tell people that he might be abusive. He’s not. She’s been in and out of awful relationships. She can’t hold down a job. Every time she’s fired it’s never her fault. I had to make the hard choice for us and completely block her out. Once I stopped talking to her she got on her fb and called me an alcoholic and abusive mother. I just can’t have her in mine and my kids lives anymore. It was too much. You can’t choose the family you’re born into, but you can choose the family you want to be in. Cutting out toxic people is usually for the best.
Yup I agree. Narcissistic behavior, super manipulative and frankly I wouldn’t want her to have the chance to treat my children the same way she did her own. I would probably make someone leave my house if they expected my toddler to validate any feelings they have… literally any, because that’s a big responsibility taking on others emotions and the last thing my kids need to be worried about are your feelings as an adult. It’s our job to take care of them not the other way around
You are super kind and patience. If I were you first I would pray and ask the Holly Spirit to guide me. Then I would read the book "boundaries " by Dr Henry Cloud. Then u would set up boundaries without feeling guilty. I would also suggest her finding a sponsor n building an accountability group which will become like her family, be there for her, pray for her, n keep her accountability for her codependency and talk health, n puffing up. Theu gave feups in churches n also online fins out at www.celebraterecovery.com pleasebser up boundaries with out feeling guilty.
It’s sounds like she’s got a combo deal going on. I’d suggest her getting mental help or following your husband on this one.
Why do people try to force their spouse a relationship they don’t want. You weren’t there growing up. My spouse did this too but realized why they were out of my life. Let it be. Period. That’s the first mistake. 2nd is cut people out who are negative and not good for either your children or you. Period.
There’s a reason he’s pushing her away he’s dealt with her crap his whole life and he’s over it. My family is a narcissist they tie you down when you’re young and use mental abuse when you’re older. When he’s away from her of course he’s happy he can breathe finally. Be over moon he’s not still stuck in her spell and get the heck out of it see her for holidays or A HOLIDAY. Be happy with your family!
She requires a lot of counseling. There is A LOT going on. Understandable why your husband wants space from her. I’m not sure she has the sound mental stability to be a constant healthy relationship with you guys or the grandkids.
Yeah sounds like mental health issues. Set boundaries maybe but I wouldn’t cut her out completely
First thing it does sound Narcissistic but she may also be bi polar… Does she take any medication? Ever been hit in the head seriously? Unless she is willing to get help there is nothing you can do. I know first hand. I grew up with a bi polar mother. My daughter was. And I said was bi polar, she committed suicide at the age of 31. Protect your family, your children.
Covert narc behavior. And you my dear….became a flying monkey. No wonder your husband had retreated from her. Low or no contact is the best solution to a narc family member.
Does she have multiple personalities? Or Bipolar or something?!
She sounds like a narcissist…
Study up on their behaviors if you’re not familiar…
There are ways to deal with this, she will likely never change…
Best of luck to you.
She sounds mentally unhealthy. Distance.
Next time she pulls that, tell her point blank…she needs mental health help and you are done with her bullshit until she has gone for help!..wish I’d done that with my ex mil…she was a witch!
Set strict boundaries without cutting ties.
Sounds like she may be bi polar and depressed. She may need to see a psych bc this is not normal behavior at all!
Definitely narcissistic, I’d keep my distance.
Definitely a narcissist and whether she’s aware of it or not, she will never change. It’s how she’s wired. I would protect my children from her as she will only manipulate them and influence them in a negative way if she hasn’t already. So toxic and unhealthy. Good luck.
Stop trying to be a martyr. She is showing all signs of being a narcissist and that will suck the life out of you.
Mental illness is real. Maybe approach it from that point of understanding.
This woman is toxic. I wouldn’t spend any more time with her, look at how she has you feeling! It also isn’t healthy for your kids to be around someone with this behavior, they shouldn’t have to reassure her that she’s beautiful. What a weird thing to do to a child
She sounds either bipolar or borderline personality disorder. Family therapy and or her family trying to talk her into going for help herself might help. Other then that just leave her he on her bad days and be around her on her good days
Keep your distance!! I had one of those MIL tooo!!
She seems very manipulative like a narcissist almost
Take her to the shrink. If you can get her there. She will destroy your life. You been warned. When she cries. She is playing the victim. What happened to the father or your hubby. Start there
The mother-in-law sounds insecure and her behaviors are her defense mechanisms. You can’t help others, unless they want to help themselves. If the daughter-in-law tries to intervene, she’ll be a catalyst toward change but it won’t be good for the relationship.
The mother-in-law’s defense mechanism wants to keep up the story that enables her to feel valuable, if the daughter-in-law tries to help, it will cause problems. The mother-in-law’s son has learned through the years to keep distance and just enjoy the good times with his mom because he knows how she is.
It really sounds like this mother-in-law finds self value in being better than others and voicing it to people. Each person you interact with has their good and bad qualities, so you just need to figure out if the good is worth putting up with the bad (as long as the bad is not an extreme, like physically hurting someone). In this case, she says the bad comes out once in a while and most of the time mother-in-law is alright 
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This is untreated and unmedicated Borderline Personality Disorder at the bare minimum.
These behaviors are damaging and toxic to those around her. Until her behaviors are addressed with evaluation and treatment, I would drastically restrict the kids exposure to her.
Regardless of what diagnosis she may or may not have, YOU are ultimately your children’s advocate for healthy relationships. I felt suffocated just reading about her behaviors…
IMO… Idgaf how/if I’m biologically related to someone…
Toxic people are not permitted a place in my life, or my kids’ lives.
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I’m gonna have to agree with your husband, he grew up with her and understands what he went through. Keep this on again off again behavior away from your kids because it is not healthy.
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I tried to have a relationship with my mother- in-law for 25 years and then we three sat down to discuss issues. She began crying and yelling and that got us nowhere. She talks badly behind my back and somebody always tells me about it. I’ve given up on even being around her. She doesn’t push my buttons anymore and l encourage my family to visit her anytime they want to. My children grew under my heart. My husband and l love each other more each day and have been married 37 years!! Life is so very short so put God first and everything else falls into place so beautifully!!
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She won’t change. Focus on your family and stop wasting time entertaining her. Sounds like you’re the only one doing it, so I’d ask why? What’s the gain for you? You don’t have to do anything to her she can decide for herself. I would definitely not focus on her any longer.
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She is an emotional terrorist. Obviously she has some unresolved deep seeded issues that may not be fixable. I think if you try to help her on your own it’s just going to exhaust you, especially since it sounds like this has been a life long issue with her. Your husband and sisters in law have made the choice to protect themselves from her behavior. If you push too hard I feel they are going to get frustrated with you. If you can protect your own mental health around her then I would suggest taking the good days and letting the bad ones roll off. Just watch out for your children’s well being around her since they are still very young and impressionable.
Sounds like you, as well as your mil might need help. Her for her behavior, and you for welcoming and inflicting her issues and bad behavior. onto your family.
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Sounds like borderline personality or narcissistic personality. Def not normal behavior to be so changing. Maybe multiple personality? She needs professional help.
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No you don’t push her away. You still have a relationship with her. That is their grandmother and she should be a part of their lives.
listen to me : TOXIC IS TOXIC!!! i don’t care WHO it is. she is SO TOXIC and someone you cannot have a relationship with. there’s clearly some undiagnosed mental health issues going on! i don’t care who is family,if they’re toxic,you need to write them off! it’s not healthy for anyone to maintain a relationship with someone like that!!! and i’m sure your husband is bitter for her putting her needs before his when her was younger. i find that to be disgusting! i can’t imagine ever putting myself before my children. ever. end sadly,i see toxic narcissistic people doing so! you really need to write her off for your own mental health!
Sounds to me like
She may have had him emeshes in a mother son relationship or she tried. She seems
Very self
Centered and like the world
Revolves around her. I would
Listen to your husband there is a very good
Reason he cut her out. She is going to damage your kids… and possibly the relationship w your husband if she keeps planting those seeds of doubt…