My parents divorced after 22 years of marriage, and I honestly wished they would have done it WAY sooner. My mom always put me, and my dad/his career before her needs/wants. Once they divorced I watched my mom blossom into the beautiful woman she always was. When the divorced started my mom had just went back to college for her associates degree, and now she is about to get her doctorate! She did what was best for BOTH of us, by leaving my dad and bettering herself! It wasn’t easy by any means, but SO worth it!
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I wouldn’t go back to the ex and I wouldn’t be rushing things with someone new. Only a few months in and you don’t really know the guy, can’t possibly in such a short time. Take it slow, if for anything, for your kids.
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Read the book “The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce”.
See if your husband will go to counseling with you.
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Kids need to see a happy mother…x won’t change…choose happiness for you & your kids…best of luck. Xo
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Do you want them learning his behavior patterns? If he doesn’t respect/love you they won’t either. That feels like handicapping them for life to me.
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Ok so I saw a tiktok that explained something to me I never really thought about.
I ALWAYS put my kids first, my partner second and me last. Its how I’ve always been. And while that is what we pretty much expect, it really isn’t always the best way to do it in most cases.
The woman explained that she puts herself first because if she doesn’t take care of herself then her kids aren’t happy either. And I fully support that.
You don’t need to feel selfish or bad about putting yourself first in this situation love.
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I would say if you love your husband, then this is something that can be fixed with effort. Learning eachother’s love language for example. However, if you do not love him, no effort in the world will make you happy. You have to decide what you want your future to look like. The kids should never be a reason to stay in a marriage and will only cause more emotional issues for them. Choose what makes you happy and keep being a good mom.
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How can your kids be happy if you’re not happy
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You need to do stuff for yourself so you can be happy and your kids will be happy too.
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You wouldn’t want your kids staying in a toxic marriage…so don’t show them that:)
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You being happy will make your kids happy in the long run. Them seeing a good relationship is icing on that cake. Seeing both people making each other happy is a good example.
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Staying for the kids isnt gonna be good for the kids if your unhappy.
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Put yourself and your kids in better positions. Seriously this man has neglected you for years. And the new guy has been what you’ve wanted and more than likely what your kids deserve in a father and honestly sticking with the husband for the kids is a lousy idea. I don’t ever believe that sticking together for kids sake is a good idea. It’s more of a stresser for them if two parents aren’t actually showing how to love and appreciate each other. Your kids will grow up and represent that in their relationships with others.
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Too little to late I say. Kids will be ok and your happiness matters. Be happy hun
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I WISH my parents divorced when I was little!!! Be happy!!!
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If he can mess around with you you been a married woman then what makes you think if ya’ll did “get together” he wouldn’t mess around on you…you def should of got a divorce before even trying to move on…that’s def not love…
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You can’t pour from an empty cup. You did what you could. Sometimes relationships are dead ends and that’s life. Be happy. It’s not selfish.
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I wish my parents separated years before they actually did. I love seeing my parents happy. Your happiness showing will give the kids happiness. I promise you that. Especially cause it sounds like you’re a caring mom. The kids deserve seeing mom being treated well, and it sounds like he treats the kids well too. Don’t go back to suffering and allow them to believe that’s normal.
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Lead by example love. You wouldn’t want your children to stay in a relationship like that. They should see you happy and treated right so they will hold those expectations as well. I went back to bad situations multiple times for the same reason for my kids, and it has only done more damage for them
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Happy mom happy kids🖤my parents divorced when I was young and growing up it was normal for me to live with my mom and see my dad. (I think it’s better to do it when they are young)Go be happy life’s short don’t spend it with a man that neglects you.
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Your kids will be just fine, it’s your happiness that’s important. How can they be happy if you are not? And NO do Not get back with that man…
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Your not putting your happiness before your kids. I don’t understand how you equate leaving your husband and finding somebody who treats you right to putting yourself before your kids because they are def not the same. Your kids can tell when your not happy. And they need their mom to be happy so you can be the best for your kids. Forget about your husband if you’ve tried to tell him what you needed and he consistently did nothing to give you what you needed. Make you happy momma. Everything else will fall into place
The grass isn’t always greener in the other side. Remember, if your “new man” is willing to cheat WITH you, he will eventually be willing to cheat ON you. Men are not mind readers and some men just aren’t affectionate. I’d say be alone for a while …don’t tie your happiness to what a man does or doesn’t do for you.
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Kids definitely feed off of parents relationships… staying with the other parent jus for the kids sake definitely isn’t worth it. Kids deserve happy parents.
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Honestly… Your happiness is your childrens happiness too!
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In my opinion, you are putting your kids first by taking care of yourself and allowing yourself to enjoy a healthy relationship. Your kids will understand and things will fall into place. I say serve him papers and make it official, because regardless of the new guy or not, he wasn’t making you happy. You started dating the other guy after, you going back will just make you miserable.
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Happy mom, happy kids!!
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Move on, but don’t give like a codependent, ur parters might mistake codependent actions as happiness and fulfillment.
Why we do more to please others in hopes we’ll be treated as good, I still don’t understand, but it works the opposite.
Self love helps me.
Your kids need a happy mom.
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You’ve got to take care of yourself to take care of your kids.
Stay with the new guy. U deserve to be treated good.
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He made it very very clear that you are not a priority in his life, your kids deserve a happy mum, as a happy mum can give them the best care
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Don’t take him back! You are just feeling sorry for him because you are happy now and he’s not!! You ABSOLUTELY should put your happiness 1st! Don’t lose out on being happy just because your husband sees he’s fucked up! They will always say they will do better to get you back and then they fall back Into old ways!! Keep on your doing you girl!!
Just make sure this new guys isn’t a fkin flake. Or a fraud… he will wine and dine you until he HAS YOU! Then give up.
And by then ur hubby will be moved on aswell…. Please weigh the options carefully !
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Make yourself happy so that you can give them the best you that is available! I watched my parents fight for years because “they stayed together for the kids” it’s the worse thing they could have done because after 26 years they finally did divorce and could have saved us kids so much hurt.
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You are not putting yourself before your kids this is different you deserve to be happy along with you being happy your kids will be too I say keep at what you are doing! It shouldn’t take another men to make ur spouse do better to little to late
My life/behavior now isn’t my parents fault because I am an adult but my parents have never been in love and have fought for 43 years. The things they say to one another are horrible. They haven’t said I love you or been affectionate in a decade or more. I’ve never EVER had a healthy relationship, only toxic ones. I’ve battled anxiety, self worth, depression my entire adult life. Again, I’m an adult now and I am responsible for my behavior but I’m willing to bet, if I had grown up in a loving, peaceful home…I’d be a different person.
NEVER STAY FOR THE KIDS!! Not only will things NOT change for you, their entire brain chemistry will be altered in a volatile household or one where the parents are unhappy
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Kids can sense the unhappiness you feel. As long as you are happy, they are happy.
Ok, now let me ask you a question. Why would you want to raise your children in a home where their parents aren’t happy together? If you aren’t happy in your home together, they’re not going to be happy either.
Stay with this man. Your kids will be happier that you’re happy. If you’re miserable with your husband , your kids will feel that.
Divorce if you’re not happy
Showing your kids that they should stay in a relationship that doesn’t make them happy isn’t a good thing
Y’all can split custody
Just as long as y’all still treat the kids right there’s no problem with divorcing to make yourself happier
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Ppl are gonna hate me…lol… Marriage doesnt mean shit anymore. Parents need to be happy for their kids…right? …so why get married?! Those vows include the shitty times… For anyone to even ask, is just looking for a way out. To each their own… U already know what u wanna do
Please do not go back to your husband. because you think your kids wants to be with their dad and you together. That will hurt them in the long run by seeing you both being uhappy. and not doing anything to gether not getting along. Please give those babies happiness with someone that wants them in their lives such as the guy your seeing.
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Staying in a relationship that is only making you miserable will make your kids think it’s ok! An it’s not. One person can do everything you’ve ever wanted in the 3 months you’ve known them than the person you’re with for 10 years. Some people just aren’t meant to be together. Happiness is what everyone deserves including your kids. If you’re happy with this new person and you’ve already been away from your husband for a significant amount of time, it’s time to move on. But be careful and make sure this new person isn’t a scam or fraud! I wish you all the best.
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Your kids will emulate whatever relationship they see their primary parent living, in there own adult relationships. So ask yourself; what kind of relationship do you want your kids to have for themselves when they are grown. A relationship like your first marriage, or one like the one you are currently in…?
You don’t get to go to a diff state and take his kids or abandon your kids . Your bf can move or you need to find someone else. Your problem with their dad is not their problem and they need you both involved whether it’s 50/50 custody or whatever . They come before you or you should not have had them . Parent of being a parent is your kids come first . You obv didn’t forgive him for cheating or you wouldn’t bring it up.
A happy mom makes happy kids… don’t worry so much if he is a good person the kids will end up understanding what is a healthy relationship and have more chances making happy ones later… good luck dear mama be happy
Give the new guy a chance might be the best thing ever . I
If you’re not happy it will rub off on the kids. You’re ex can make arrangements to see the kids don’t feel guilty you need to be happy also and don’t go back it’s just a waste time
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I was with my ex while he was cheating an all that. 10 years wasted. He did the same thing when I left. He wanted his family back had my daughter convinced it was because I was just a bad mom. I went back and he kept cheating and treating me like shit. I left and I found someone who loves me and shows me too. Not with gift but with what he says and how he acts.
I think you deserve to be happy. It’s okay to stay with the man who makes you happy.
Yes, you deserve to be happy. I always say a happy mom happy kids.
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Kids feel emotions they can tell so don’t get back with your husband it’s not hurting them as long as you let them see him it’s better to grow with happy parents than parents that are together for their sake
I am divorced and my oldest daughter was in an unhealthy relationship at the time. Once I had a good man in my life and she saw what a HEALTHY relationship looked like she dumped him and found herself a good guy. Kids learn from our mistakes and they tend to mirror how they grow up. You being happy is the absolute best thing you can do for your kids.
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You’d be doing your children no favors by going back and raising them in an unhappy home. Believe me, and I say this from experience, your children know when you’re not happy and it affects them a lot. You deserve to be happy so you can be the best version of yourself for your children.
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OH MY GOD
This sounds almost identical to my first marriage minus the cheating part and he wasn’t the best father
I was with mine 7 and a half years started out young too
We have 4 together and the best thing I ever did was leave him
Now that I’m happier my kids are happier
My second husband is the best I would never go back… ever
Trust me you are not being selfish
I hated myself for all the time I wasted on him
Even though we are not together my kids understand why I left and are happy with the way things are
Your kids will understand one day too trust me
He doesn’t deserve you or his family he gets to suffer the consequences
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Your kids won’t be happy when they realize their mom isn’t happy. You also don’t want to be around a man that cannot model the behaviour you’d like to see in your kids in their own relationships. Do what’s best for you and the kids. And what’s best is to be happy.
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Idk but if you want your children to grow up with both parents you have to make a sacrifices. If it’s about your children then let it be. You and your husband if you can .can live in the same home with no strings attached. If you do anything do it for the children. Leave your feelings behind. Stop worrying about a man who isn’t worried about you. You both can set up times to be who you both are as in night out alone he wants to hang with his friends then you hang with yours .take turns watching children when you plan alone time . Go out as a family with no animosity… If he can’t agree then I suggest separation . People do it all the time .get separated beds .what goes on in your bedroom is no one business just have respect for yourself…or just sleep in the same room with no thoughts of closeness sounds crazy but it’s worth a try. You can live in the same home but that’s it. Hell they did it in the old days separate beds. Children ask why tell them we just need our space .daddy snores daddy sleeps wild anything
Definitely don’t get back with your ex. I wish my parents had gotten divorced all they did was fight 24/7. I fucking hated it. And you being happy will make your children happy.
No, the answer to “should I put my happiness before my kids” is a definite fk NO!
Your kids come first before you or their fathers needs.
You don’t need to be with their father for them to be happy for one…
Two, if your happy they are happy…
three, you can’t take the kids away from their dad if he’s a great dad so if this is going to work with your new man, he has to do the move…
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Something i had to tell myself over and over again after leaving both of my kids dads; KIDS NEED TO SEE BOTH PARENTS HAPPY! Even if that’s not together.
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If mama ain’t happy then Noone is happy.
Going back to your husband is not the answer believe me I know I been there done that and was a disaster. Divorce him if your happy then you will see that the kids are happy. If the new man truly cares about uour kids it’s a win win.
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Don’t stay “for the kids” they grow up and follow your example.
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You deserve your happiness to mama. Just because you stay with him for the kids don’t mean that’s the best thing for you my x and I were together 4 yrs married 3 I got pregnant at 17 his family wanted us to get married so we did when my son was 2 and my daughter a new born I left him because of the same things you are talking about and then some… ( he was abusive)
I started dating my now husband shortly after we separated and he has always treated my 2 as his own and they still see their dad but they love them both and call them both dad.
My x is not the best dad anymore hasn’t been since my daughter was about 2 and son 4 he got into drugs and has nothing to do with the kids anymore so I just let them go see their nana my ex’s mom and they are happy
They are now almost 10 and almost 8 and they love their step dad I have been with him 7 yrs amd married for almost 3 
and we have a beautiful little boy together almost 15 months
Hope this helps a little
If he is okay with getting in a relationship with you knowing your still married he will do it to you too. You lose them how u get them.
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Your babies deserve two happy parents, they see and understand more than we think they do. They can see that mom or dad isn’t happy. I always say it’s better to be happy apart then be miserable together
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You cannot be the best mother of you do not take care of yourself and your happiness. The children suffer if you don’t and they are happier if you do because your self care and happiness directly impact their well being. It’s an unfortunate fact that today most marriages fail. Because one or both partners don’t care enough or have no clue how to validate and show appreciation for the other. This is not okay, to stay with someone who is actually trying is one thing, to stay with someone who doesn’t acknowledge what the problem is, is another issue and not worth staying to deal with.
Get family counseling for all if you
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Do you darlin…as long as you guys remain good parents to your kids it will be fine…rooting for you and a new found love but maybe if your hubby knew than he would try harder…sometimes they need a kick in the butt but go with your heart
What you need to understand is that your kids happiness depends on yours. If your depressed your kids aren’t getting the mom they deserve. If your husband isn’t will to meet you half way and try then what’s the point of continuing the marriage. Your kids don’t need there parents to be together in order to know what a loving home is but, they do need to be shown what a loving home is. I suggest if you want to give it a try with your husband then tell him marriage counseling is mandatory and will not be negotiated.
The best thing you can do FOR YOUR KIDS , Is BE HAPPY. It’s more important for children to have two happy loving parents even bonus parents who love them all the same then their family miserably together.
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You’re not putting your happiness before theirs. I promise they WILL see that you’re unhappy. That won’t make them happy. You being in a bad relationship with their father just to keep the family together will not make them happy. I promise. Kids know. File for divorce and call it a day. If your husband really valued you and wanted you, he would’ve already been doing all of the things. If he wanted to, he would. He didn’t want to so he didn’t. That’s that.
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Happy mom equals happy kids. If you are happy where your at they will be happy too. They can have both parents and you not be together.
I had a 10 year relationship that ended 3 years ago for almost the exact things you’re saying, except he did give presents but that was only so I’d forgive and forget his crappy behaviour towards me. I stayed for the kids for 5 years longer than I should have. 5 years of telling me he’d pick up his game, 5 years of him changing and giving me hope, and then reverting straight back to old habits. We fought a lot and it wasn’t healthy for any of us.
My 3 kids are so much happier with our situation now, they weren’t in the beginning but they’ve thrived since and have accepted it. We have a regular custody schedule, we’re kid focused and communicate respectfully through email. He and his wife even helped me with caring for the kids outside of school hours when I started working again.
From what I’m told, his behaviours that I disliked are still continuing but… I’m not the woman putting up with them anymore. I’m single, working on myself, treating myself right and on the rare occasion, I spoil myself.
Let their father be involved in their lives, but you do you. You deserve to be happy. You say he wants his family back, but your wants are important, too.
We only have one life and I know plenty of kids with separated parents that go on to do amazing things as adults. I also know plenty of people that are broken from having to live in a household where their parents weren’t happy with each other and fought all the time but stayed together for the kids.
Sometimes, we just grow apart. It’s not a crime and your kids will not hate you for it. Good luck in whatever decision you make X
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U go back you gonna live with the wat ifs n fights be he did this n that why dont/cant u! But im firm on kuds happiness is #1! But also need to set an example on how to be treated n how to stand up for ur feelings aswell! Good luck
Omg i could have wrote this my self! Mama I feel your pain and kinda in the same predicament except I wish I had someone who actually appreciated me. Keep doing what makes you happy. If your unhappy your kids will be also.
To me it sounds like you have already tried in your marriage and you haven’t been happy for a long time. Don’t stay with your husband for the sake of the kids, you need to be happy in order to have happy kids, file for divorce, then continue your new relationship. I wish you nothing but happiness.
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You ex only wants you back because you have someone else who cares about you. Stay with the other man who actually appreciate la you. Remember the saying “ you only want what you can’t have” meaning your ex. Move on.
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It’s better for kids to have two separate homes then to be in a broken home which is what that would be… momma being miserable as they grow up is only going to teach them to put everybody else’s happiness above their own. Just make sure they get their time with their dad and be where you are happy so they can see what happy is as they grow up. Hugs o know it’s tough but you got this momma!
Im going through the same shit girl. Like I love him yes but this new guy has me so happy I literally just don’t know what to do or feel when it comes to our kids. He said he wants his family back but how many chances can you give before they actually realize what they did was wrong ? Idk if I should give him another chance
I normally advice mothers to put themselves first but your children are babies. I don’t know how to tell you to focus on yourself honestly. You need couples counseling. Also you should have figured out gifts aren’t his love language before now. I don’t think you should be so easily wooed by a new man, you’re pretty transparent about what you’re missing so I would be cautious. You need to attend therapy with your husband and see if you can at least coparent and go from there. As for the new man, sounds too good to be true, pls be careful.
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Take care of yourself and the rest will follow. Don’t allow your children to model that the bare minimum is acceptable from anyone. Leave and don’t look back.
Because you will be happier
No don’t go back to your husband. It might get better for a bit but a man like that will always keep going back to whats easy and comfortable for him. He sounds like he probably does love you but his way of showing love is not the same as the way you recieve love. Thats ok if you can understand each other but he doesn’t sound like he really even cares to try. You deserve to be happy. Staying in a bad relationship just for the sake of the kids often does them more harm than good. Just keep in mind that the new guy might be trying g harder than he normally would because he wants you to stay. Move slowly with him so yo u can watch out for red flags. You sound like you need time to think about all that. As long as your still questioning who to go forward with its not fair to yourself or the new man to keep things going at the current pace. You owe it to yourself to take some time to really think. Take a step back and see the whole situation for what it is and what it can be. What you really want. Do you really want your husband to be the one doing those things or do you just want someone that does them? Because that’s important. If you find you really wish your husband would’ve been able to treat you the way you deserve that might be worth counseling before you move on from the marriage completely. Best ofuck
The kids will be fine they can adapt to two households, if you finally found happiness go for it. It’s hard to find a real genuine man nowadays that will actually make you happy and cheat and ruin your life
if you’ve been with the new guy for only a few months, then you don’t really know him well enough to know if he’s somebody you can spend your life with.
But you are still married, so whatever you do, you need to work that out one way or the other before you start moving on with someone else.
Moving on is better not only for you but for your kids. They deserve to see their momma happy and appreciated. We are the example for their future relationships.
They don’t want both parents Miserable. The want both parents happy though. Esp thier mom. Moms have alot to do with how children look at life. They need you to be happy to grow up happy.
If he has cheated, if you went back to him, it wouldn’t last and it would actually prolong the pain for your kids. It sounds like your new man is wonderful. If you’re happy, your kids will be happy
Children should not have to live on edge. They can’t be loud or the need to sit down all the time and not make noise or remain in their bedroom. The laughs, giggles are like music through the house. You know your kids and you know that they will thrive when you yourself are comfortable,loved and able to feel great about yourself. It makes you a better parent when you feel good and not stressed. The kids can still continue a relationship with their father.
Your happiness is also their happiness. Remember that. Kids need a happy mom, too. It is okay.
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Nothing good will come for them if you stay in a loveless, unhappy marriage.
My parents split when I was 2. Did I wish they’d have been together when I was young & naïve, absolutely.
As an adult, I am so thankful my mother did not stay w him “for the kids sake” everyone would have been miserable.
COMING from a broken home will always be better than being RAISED in one.
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You already know what you want. Kids deserve to see mom happy. Move on.
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Sounds like you’ve already made your decision. If your marriage mattered to you you’d still be there.
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It’s also thier happiness, they will not have a truly happy childhood with you being treated poorly. Move on but help Foster a healthy relationship between them and thier dad . He might not be a husband but can still be a great dad . Just move on stay strong and have high expectations form all involved your kids deserve it .
You have to take care of yourself in order to care for your children. If see mom sad n depressed all the time their not gonna be happy… They can still have a great relationship with their dad. If you dont love him any more then why try. Good luck
2 parents that are unhappy together are better off being divorced you don’t want your kids seeing you unhappy and thinking that is normal and growing up and having a relationship like that Do what you have to do to make you happy Show your kids that they don’t deserve to be treated that way in a relationship
Y wouldn’t they grow up w out both u guys? Does he see kids ? U guy dont have be together for them have both parents
Divorce and go with the new guy. What’s good for mom is good for kids.
You can’t be with someone if your not happy. Dont go back to your husband
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Kids need a happy mom. Do what makes you happy! Life is too short to settle:sparkling_heart:
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It’s a lot healthier for children to see parents separated and happy then together and unhappy. Would you want them to stay in a relationship they’re not happy in? Of course not, children often learn by example, show them what a happy healthy relationship looks like so they can grow up and be in one of their own
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