Should I reach out and check on my bonus child?

Keep reaching out. One day he’ll want to respond, his dad should as well. I get the no response is frustrating right now. If it were me this is what i would do. Time will pass and i feel he’ll eventually get back in touch with you guys. Hang in there.

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Please don’t stop reaching out!!!

Keep checkin in even if hes not responding and make sure when u do check in on him to tell him you guys love him and are there for him when or if he ever needs you guys. I can just about 100% guarentee he will eventually need you guys. It may be months but it could be years too sadly

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Don’t give up on him. It’s gonna be a struggle but just remind every chance you get that you and his father are there when he needs you guys. Teenagers are very stubborn. I was at that age, plus never asked for help when I needed it the most.

Always keep trying. In time I’m sure he’ll remember… And if you keep the door open he will come back when he’s ready.

tbh. I’d keep checking into every so often. leave that door open for him to possibly pop in, keep that reminder that you’re there so he feels comfortable enough to talk when and if he’s ready. props to you for caring so much though :heart:

Your husband is smart. Follow his lead!

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Maybe he is embarrassed of his actions. Sounds like he has/had to much freedom to do what he wants no supervision. Never give up on a kid and for your husband if he has custody of the boy is take him make him come back. Or his life could go down hill fast. Best of luck

Keep reaching out. Doesn’t have to be everyday but he will answer when he’s ready

Never give up. You are the rock. Even if he never comes back or calls he will know you are there if needed. I’m sure as he gets older he will appreciate it.

I would never stop. I know it hurt the heart, however, just knowing that you’re trying is important. Somewhere in is heart and brain that will always stay with him. Once he’s ready, hopefully he will come into the fold of things and it will be so much easier knowing that you’ve been reaching out all this time. Plus it will always have mattered that you’re there; no matter how much time has passed. Even if you just send a text saying. “I love you, here for you always.” Or something with no pressure or anything.

I have a son that did the same thing and eventually just ran with the wrong ppl and no matter how much I tried, it didn’t matter in the end. He’s now 25 and has done so much to me that I no longer even bother. Now I have custody of his 2 year old. I guess what I’m saying is you can raise them right from wrong, respect and show how much you love him but at the end of the day he’s going to make decisions that really are out of your control. Let it go, it’s not worth the stress, just let him know you’re there for him, just don’t let him use you financially or emotionally.

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Don’t give up on him reach out don’t expect answer or Acknowledgment.
Keep the txt short and simple.

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don’t give up–keep reaching out even if he doesn’t respond

Don’t stop trying. Someday he may come back into your life. If not , you have done everything you could.

There’s Only 2 type’s of people I ''chase" My kid’s and My Mom. my son is grown And I send him messages. A good memory, I’m thinking of you and The kid’s, I Love you And The kid’s. He hearts them. ONCE or twice I even got an I Love you back. This has been going on for 2yrs.and I Will continue untill I can’t physically. He Told his sister it’s the Most consistent thing I’ve ever done. That’s probably True From his perspective.

Don’t give up. I’d check in a couple times to once a month so he knows you guys still think about him and care. I wouldn’t do it every day though. He will reach out when he’s ready

Just don’t stop trying. He needs to see he’s loved even if he’s acting out. I know it’s hard but I’ve been the kid who ignored everyone and I wish someone would have kept reaching out :heart:

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Keep reaching out. One day he’ll appreciate you trying to be there for him. Sounds like he’s just having a hard time.
Even just texting him something along the lines of “we love you. Our door is always open to you.” Every couple weeks can work wonders.

He is your child you never stop reaching out and trying. I hope he responds.

As someone who was a troubled teen keep reaching out so he always knows he has a safe space with you, it took me a long time to admit I was drowning in my own poor choices and if I didn’t have my support people who never gave up (they loved from a distance so they wouldn’t enable my bad behavior) I would have never made it out.

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Never give up on him….
Reach out to him as often as you can….
Even if it’s just a simple reminder text that you’re thinking of him and love him.

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Keep telling him you live him

Keep reaching out. It will mean a lot to him later even though it doesn’t now. You don’t have to do it every day. But make sure he knows that you still have his back and there will come a time when it pays off. You’re doing a great job :two_hearts:

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Never give up the lines of communication because when he is grownup he may feel like you both gave up on him. Keep trying so he doesnt doubt he is loved. Good luck

Also look into literature from al-anon/nar-anon its for family members of addicts (not saying thats the issue) but they have a lot of info on how to be supportive without being consumed by the other persons choices and how to grieve the relationship without giving up and how to validate your feelings about the situation

Don’t ever give up on reaching out!

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Please don’t stop contacting him. And dad needs to continue as well. He’s 14. He very likely wants the attention but is hurt and angry. He’s involved with the system. Something is hurting inside and he needs to know you and his dad are there and care for him. These are symptoms of a child who is hurting.

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I would absolutely continue to reach out. Even if he’s not responding, you’re showing him that you still love him and he has a home with you and one day he may need that reminder.
Keep doing what you’re doing, mama

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It sounds like your a good mom please don’t give up on him some day he will see that you really do care even though he doesn’t answer just let him know you are worried about him and you love him

Never give up on him.

No never give up on him! :black_heart: keep trying! Honestly he pro appreciates it more than you even know!

Reach out! Don’t stop! Remember being his age and not knowing the true value of what family and family time meant… he doesn’t know he needs you guys the most… you need to keep pushing. His still so young. You can help turn this around with the right action!
I wish you all the best x

It’s one of those he needs his space but he also needs to know you are there. Don’t pressure him but let him know you’re just checking in to say hi, you love him and hope he is ok.

You never give up on your children. You reach out and pray that some day they will reach out and realize you’ve always been there even when they pushed away. Good luck

Don’t give up. Keep reaching out.

Keep checking on him he is finding his self and trying to fit in hopefully he will come out on the brighter side love always wins

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Always continue to reach out whether he responds or not. It WILL matter one day.

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Never give up on a child

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I would continue to try. Maybe hes just rebelling but he’ll always remember who checked in on him. And come back for help when he grows out of the rebellious stage.

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Reach out!! Never give up on him. Even though he doesn’t respond to messages he truly will appreciate it. It’s just his age. Always tell him that yourself and his Dad love him very much. You sound like an amazing bonus mum xx

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Don’t follow your husbands leads. If it was your bio child would you stop reaching out? Or would you let your child know that no matter how distant they are you will always be there when they need you and that you live then unconditionally

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Never give up. He is still young and you guys never want him yo feel he wasn’t worth your efforts. Our brains do not fully mature till age 25, so he is still young.

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Keep reaching. Teenagers know everything. We’ve all been through that phase. But as he matures he’ll always know that no matter what, YOU still cared and made the effort. Sending you love! :black_heart:

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Always reach out. I’m sure he sees your messages and he may feel that he disappointed you. Your messages show you love him and that’s what he needs XX

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Don’t stop reaching out :heart::pray:

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Never ever ever stop. Love him always. That’s what he needs.

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That is a tough situation. I’m sorry that this is happening to you and your husband. A lot of teenagers don’t like to talk to their parents. Just know that he still loves you and he will eventually come around. It’s easier to distance yourself than it is to get hurt when he doesn’t respond but if you don’t keep reaching out he won’t feel like he is supported and cared about.

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It’s his son and considering the mess the child’s been in the father needs to step up and be a man/ parent.

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Don’t stop reaching out. I know it hurts that they’re not responding and it’s saying they don’t care but you reaching out is a good thing. They’ll be able to look back and say that person constantly checked on me.

No you guys need to keep checking on him. You’re the adults in the relationship. Don’t push him to communicate, but keep checking and letting him know you care. He may not be ready to accept now but he might one day. And if you stop reaching out you may miss that window of opportunity. Dad needs to reach out too, even if his effort is rejected. Your son/bonus son needs this from you even if you don’t see it right now.

It is very common for teenagers and frequently they will mean to text you back but never get around to it. My adult children tell me that’s exactly what happened when they were teenagers. Their mind in their life is going 100 miles an hour and they’re busy when they get the text to the call and they mean to call back or do something but they don’t. My kids teenage should if I went off of that and cut contact we probably wouldn’t have a relationship now but we are very close and talk frequently. Just keep reaching out now and then because somewhere deep in their mind and heart their happy somebody loves them.

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Keep trying, and keep loving him. You may think he’s not acknowledging you but he does. The feeling that nobody cares will make things worse. A child in any situation can never have too much love!

Don’t Stop! Keep on doing what you are doing!

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He will remember you and cherish you for never giving up on him. Even if he doesn’t reply i bet you hes reading them and is struggling to articulate his feelings perhaps. Keep checking in. Never give up on your bonus child he needs you and it may take years for him to work through his feelings, he also needs to know despite this, you’ll still check in because you care.
Its the little things. Being taken into account etc

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In the next phase of his life - he will most likely express gratitude to you for always caring enough to check in

NEVER give up!!! He’ll remember Everytime you checked on him when he gets older. Just don’t give up

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DONT EVER STOP SHOWING YOUR LOVE! That consistency may prove to be that child’s single saving grace, his single comfort in a cruel world, his single deterrent from a bad choice. It may not matter to him now, he may not ever show appreciation, but one day it will hit him in the heart and that will MEAN something to him. DONT EVER STOP SHOWING YOUR LOVE.

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No keep reaching out! Continue to show you care.

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Please continue to reach out so he knows you always care abd try. One day he will answer and it’ll be because he needs someone that truly cares. He’s a kid and is going through so much. It’s your responsibility as the parent to keep trying and caring no matter what. When he grows up a bit he will remember that you always tried. And that will matter

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Send him post cards and letters once in a while—something tangible he can pull out and re-read over and over. This is such a pivotal time in his life and somewhat traumatic for everyone (who wants to re-live middle school?), and even more so for a troubled soul who has tangled with the law.

Remind him of happy times you shared, what you love and admire about him, things he accomplished or overcame or learned so he sees he CAN be a “good boy.” Let him know that you love him unconditionally and will be there for him whenever he’s ready to reconnect. Tell him that you look forward to his making good choices now that he knows better and knows more (even if it’s not likely), and to his accomplishing much in the future.

Maybe include some ideas: “You were always good with Legos; you’d be good at architecture or construction or building inspections.” Or, “You were always so empathetic; you’d make a good nurse, doctor or medical technician, and I’m sure you are a comfort and help to your mom.” OK, the last part is probably false, but a little reminder couldn’t hurt! :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: But you get the idea. He’s probably feeling like a screw-up and a failure with a crappy future ahead, so you have to rewire his thinking to be more positive.

Can you talk to the mom about getting him into therapy and possibly contributing to the cost if he’s not already in treatment? Can you talk to people at his school and to the school counselor to get a bead on how he’s doing and what he needs? Dad may have to do that if you’re not on the “OK list” for info release. Is it possible he’s not heterosexual in a macho environment this causing him to lash out in pain and fear? Might he benefit from an alternative school, especially if he’s made unsavory friends at his existing school/s or been bullied or felt ostracized in the past?

Does he need academic help or testing for learning differences or ADHD etc.? Can you offer to pay or partially pay for tutoring or testing? You can do this openly or secretly in conjunction with the mom, depending on if it looks like he would welcome or reject your help.

Not sure what he was in trouble for, but could he benefit from drug or alcohol rehab? This is the last chance for intervention to work well—it’s still possible to reprogram his thinking and behavior now before he gets too set in his ways.

Are there other positive role models who might take him under their wing? An uncle who could get him interested in something wholesome like a sport such as boating, tennis, golf or could he deal with a team sport? Can anyone help him get into the arts like music (appreciation, DJing, or playing an instrument), theater (either as a performer, videographer or behind the scenes), hip hop or other dance, painting, sculpture, welding, gardening, etc. Whatever might spark his interest and give him a physical and emotional outlet other than video gaming, staring at his phone or partying. Martial arts are awesome for teaching kids respect while still being badass.

It would get him group support, more or less wholesome friends, an identity where he can shine (he’s “the gymnast,” not “the juvenile delinquent”) and keep him busy instead of getting in trouble. Plus a coach, mentor, instructor other than parents can have a profoundly positive effect on kids, especially a male he can look up to and learn from.

It’s so tough to see someone you love go off the rails and seemingly reject you. This is the age kids pull away from their parents, and also when they see us as the stupidest, most unhip and embarrassing people on Earth, who only exist to make their lives miserable, spoil their fun and nag them to death. By the time he turns 21 he will probably realize how wrong he was!

Sending love and hope to you that you will be able to reconnect with your son sooner than you expect. You’ve done a good job being there for him so far. Family counseling for as many of y’all who will go can be greatly beneficial too, and provide you with tools to help and to cope.

Nope. Dont give up. Even if he doesn’t respond…reaching out to him directly reminds him you care. I am closer to my bonus son than his father is. :heart:

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Keep trying he likes it,it let’s him know that you care

Yes…keep doing it even if he doesnt answer
One day he will realize that you were always there…
Good Luck

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Keep reaching out! It does matter even if he isn’t responding now, one day he might. He needs to know he’s loved even when he’s not around

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Keep trying, if nothing else it well help his self image knowing you love him no matter what

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If nothing else just text him that you love him.

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Keep trying but it is a Two way street… He will learn

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My bonus kid… im no longer with his dad. I’m re-married. Bonus son just graduated boot camp and told me I helped him get there. I’m not a reach out person and I regret that about myself. Tell your bonus son how you feel. Tell him often. Tell him you love him. Even if he doesn’t reply… NEVER give him a reason to doubt. Mine worked out because he knows me. You’re will work out because he knows you. Be that soft place to land. Always. Because trust me… hes going to need to land one day. Be there. Always.

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Never stop reaching out.

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Not completely the same, but my bio dad didn’t try EVER to reach out when my brother and I stopped going on weekends. I can’t be certain it would have changed anything but it would have at least set the course into our adult lives to make amends.
We are 44 and 46 and our bio dad is nothing more than a guy we are related to that we see at funerals. My mother remarried when I was 11 and my bro was 13 and that man is our dad. He never tried to take that role away from our bio dad, but he deserves the title a hell of a lot more. Our children know him as their grandfather; they couldn’t pick my bio dad out of their lives depended in it, though they’ve been in the same room several times.
So with that, remember that your son (bonus or not) is still a child. Even though he may not reciprocate, it is validation that you still care. Send cards and keep it simple: love you and miss you. But never ever give up.

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Keep reaching out until the day you die.

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I would keep texting and calling.

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Reach out in a regular basis; it will let him know that you are there

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Keep trying. Never give up on a child or young adult.

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Never stop trying… his father should NEVER stop trying. I remember being 14 and a troubled kid… my dad didn’t reach out (idk if I would have answered or not…) and I felt abandoned by him … it doesn’t hurt anything to send a 45 second text even with no response or check in with his mom…. But it would hurt to just stop. Kids don’t realize they can hurt their parents …. But parents should never cause pain for their children

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I would continue to keep the door open. Maybe not regularly checking in, but just once a month-ish of “hey we’re here and would love to see you” kinda thing. It’s rough, but if he feels completely turned away, there’s less of a chance he will reach out.

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Would keep trying to reach out in any way you can he will no you care. his dad should be doing the same

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Just let him know you are there and will always love him.:heart:

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Kill ‘em with kindness and you will feel better knowing you didn’t give up

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keep in touch and let him know you care. after my divorce my teenage son wouldn’t speak to me for a few years, as it turned out my son and I have been together since 1965, we raised his daughter and he realized his Dad really wasn’t the one that wanted to help him and I did.

I would never stop trying

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Are you reaching out because you have to or because you genuinely care about seeing how he’s doing because it sounds like you couldn’t care less and are doing it because you should.

Never give up on a child

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I would reach out to him… never know he could be in trouble and doesn’t wanna tell u guys?..

Please don’t stop!!!

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I would reach out but maybe not as frequently, may his birthday or holidays. I would keep it short like happy what ever. you have our heart and we support you. You always have a home here

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Keep reaching out with love. Never give up. Ever. Ps. Love “bonus child”

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I would keep reaching out anyway. He may not respond but you never know.

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Never but never give up on a child.
He comes out of a broken home.
Thank you for being a kind stepmum.YOU TRULY CARE.Let him know you are there for him
REMEMBER THE BIBLE SAYS
BAD ASSOCIATIONS SPOIL USEFUL HABITS.
He most probably fell into the wrong course.
Children need both their parents to guide them,cherish them,love them and teach them right from wrong.
I believe wholly that without GOD AND HIS SON JESUS one will never make it through life.
The Bible gives us the correct way of life.
No,I am not preaching.That is my opinion.You asked for it.
BUT TO EACH HIS OWN.
TELL THE BOY YOU WILL BE THERE FOR HIM ANY TIME WITHOUT SCOLDING OR SAYING I TOLD YOU SO.His father should also be there for him.He did not divorce his son but only the mother.:cry::cry::cry::cry:
Divorce is so bad.
GOD hates divorce.
That is the biblical truth.
All the best.
Keep on with your kind outreach!⚘⚘⚘

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I reach out and check on my bonus child?

I would say keep trying, at 16 they are so mixed with emotions and when surrounded by certain things/people they can be very influenced, keep showing you care so he knows he has you when he needs you, I wouldn’t worry him with dad’s frustration to much either as that could cause more conflict, hope all works out for you!

I think stopping would be the worst thing you could do to be honest. It sounds like he’s had a pretty difficult childhood and has a few issues. Even if he doesn’t respond the messages won’t be unnoticed and, although he may not show it now, he will perhaps one day appreciate the fact that you didn’t give up on him

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Continue to reach out, that way he knows that you’re there for him when he needs you.

That age! I’d send a text stating that you’ve tried and that you love him and when he’s ready or needs anything he knows where you are xx

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I reach out and check on my bonus child?

Sometimes you must give up and give it to the Lord. As hard as it is for you its the only course you can take.Prayers are needed here…Trust in the Lord he knows your sorrow keep checking on him one day he will see the light. Take care of yourself . I am praying for you and him. Best of luck

Try just sending a small hand written letter or card couple times a month with a " thinking of you" Do not push! Just so he knows. He’s a teenager. It may not mean nothing to him now, but someday he will realize the time and effort it took you to do that. Actual letters in my opinion are more personal then a quick text. But dont give up. Show him he is worth your time and effort.

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Continue reaching out but don’t have high expectations, they will appreciate it when they get a little older to know that you care. It may be hard now but hopefully will not be that way forever. I have 3 step children ages 21, 18 & 16. They may not reply and im okay with, but at the end of the day my heart knows i tried to check in and check up❤

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Honestly id just let it be and let him come to you guys eventaully when hes ready.
Because it sounds like youve done your best at reaching out and for whatever his reasons are he feels he needs his space right now.

I had to eventually do this with my bio daughter. She is 17. And shes come back around now. I always let her know i love her and eventaully told her ok im not chasing you anymore but ill always be here for you.

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