Should I reach out and check on my bonus child?

I would say reach out. Your husband may have to get a lawyer involved once again because his bio mom may be preventing him from responding back to you guys. It sounds like it could be a serious situation. Not to be negative or anything and I do agree with others saying he’s just a troubled young man, but sometimes the other side doesn’t necessarily have the child’s best interest in mind. When my husband was 13 yrs old, his mom would throw away all of the letters and cell phones his dad had sent to him. She even watched everything he did like a hawk so much that she would prevent him from talking to me (I was also 13) on fb. She went as far as talking crap about me and his dad to get him to dislike us and to not want to talk to us again. She literally controlled everything he did.

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He is young he will come around eventually but it might take time, just make sure he always knows your there for him. I didn’t even barely talk to my bio parents when I was that age. I was into drugs and such but when I needed them I knew my parents would always be there and I eventually became closer with them once I grew up a little.

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Maybe send a message to him saying that you realise he wants a bit of space as he’s not responding ( sometimes this is normal for teenagers) … But that you will be thinking of him, and if he wants to get in contact you will be there for him. Xx
All the best.
One day at a time.

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I would reach out and just tell him , you realize he must want some space and you respect that , but when he is ready that yous will always be there for him and that yous love him !! He will realize it whenever he gets through whatever it is he’s going through !!

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as other commenters said, just make sure he knows how loved he is. even if he doesn’t respond. if and when he ever changes his mind about his lifestyle, he’ll know he has a safe place to go. so many teens make bad decisions because they think they burned that bridge with their parents and feel like they can’t go home.

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You don’t quit on kids. He gets to be mixed up and irrational at his age. You don’t. Be steady. Be present.

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Never. Stop.
Make sure he always knows you care and you’re there, even if he’s not ready for your support.

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As a child who had a parent that almost never reaches out (and still doesn’t despite my efforts) don’t stop.

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Do NOT stop reaching out. I’ve worked with kids in alternative high schools and many who have behavioral/ substance issues. He might not be able to show you he appreciates it but he does. Simple texts like “I’m thinking of you” or “Pizza soon?” Make a bigger impact than they let on. I can promise you that.

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I agree with others. Sounds like he’s a troubled young man. Being a teenager of divorce is difficult. Some kids blame themselves. If I just would have been better, if I just did better in school… etc. kids have so much on their shoulders today with all the societal issues. Just reach out to him. He’ll respond to it when he’s ready. A text, a call, a card. Maybe a cool T-shirt . Being a teen is difficult. Don’t close the window to all communication. One day hopefully he’ll look back and remember how much you cared when he felt like no one did.

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I was a “troubled teen” as well, dont stop reaching out!!

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Never Stop!
Always let him know that your door is open and that he is loved. :heart: He sounds very troubled and you never know… One day, that just may be the push he needs to keep on keeping on when the going gets tough. :heart:

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If it were me I would reach out but at the sane time keep my distance. If I cared enough about him I would at least want to remind him that we were there for him if he needed us.

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I would keep reaching out and sending positive messages. He’s obviously got some demons He’s gotta work on and those messages could help keep him going. It’s always nice to be reminded that someone cares. And maybe it’ll make him come around one day. Sounds like he’s putting himself down a rough road. Hopefully he can get it together eventually.

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Keep reaching out. When he’s older and more mature, he will appreciate it. Well, hopefully :heart:

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I have gone through this with one of my babies too. Everyone told me to let her be but I literally couldn’t. I messaged every few days and just told her I was checking in and that I loved her no matter what and that I’d be here waiting for her when she was ready to communicate again I’d be right here waiting. Finally after 2 weeks of nothing I got a response. Always check even if it feels useless. Just let them know that you love them. They see it. Good luck and don’t give up. That child is worth it.

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Never stop. When you stop it will feel like justification to him. Think of it like a bank. You keep putting money in it so you can draw on it later. Right now you are filling his bank so he can draw on it later. You have to keep investing. It doesn’t always have to be a call or a text. Send a card, the occasional clothes, maybe a meal voucher to take a girl out. Or whatever. Just little things here and there you would probably do if he was home. Ask bio mum what he’s into and see if there are ways you can support it. A photo of you wearing a shirt of his favorite team or band. Keep building on it. He will cash in eventually.

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I would definitely keep up with random messages of love. Hopefully he will grow up and want to make contact. And, he knows where to reach you if he needs you.

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Never stop trying. You dont want him to look back one day and say you never tried or that you should have tried harder. Kids are difficult, especially this age.

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Maybe don’t stop reaching out so he knows where you stand but don’t expect anything I return to protect your own feelings.

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He can ignore you as he knows you’ll always be there. As the main carer for so long at a prominent time of his life, you will cop the majority of the wrath. What did his bio mum say? Is she supportive of you? If you just keep reaching out and let him know you’re there. If he tells you to stop, reassess… but for now, he hasn’t told you to stop so there must be something there… keep fanning away at the sinders xx

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I would never quit trying to reach out eventually he’ll come around I think kids need to know that they’re being fought for and loved at all times being a teenager isnt easy and parenting them isn’t easy either …

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Always be his open door. We are put in these children’s lives for a reason. Maybe your reason will be his saving grace one day.

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Just keep sending texts. Let him know your there. Doesn’t hurt to. Just spend a few mins to do it and he may need you guys one day x

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Please never stop!!! Let him know he is loved and you care. It may be the only things that saves him one day!

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Keep checking on him. When he’s older, he’s gonna appreciate it even if he doesn’t realize it now. He’s gonna know the love and care that you have for him no matter what. It can be frustrating and difficult to navigate but I think it’s worth it.

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Don’t ever stop! One day, knowing you are there and loving him might be the thing he needs. And it’s our job as parents to show unconditional love. Please don’t get that mixed up with allowing certain actions or even bailing him out when he gets in trouble. But love doesn’t have to end.

Keep reaching out. It sounds like hes having a difficult time in life. Maybe one day he will reciprocate and realize you guys will always be there for him no matter what . Always leave the door open for communication.

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I was a “troubled Kid”, don’t stop! Even if it’s just a quick text here and there “thinking of you and you are loved!” I promise, when it counts, it will all mean something.

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Don’t stop. My brother’s quit reaching out to me dad & entire dad’s side of the family, me included, at 13 & 17, and it was because if they had any contact with us at all their mom made their life in her house a living hell. Keep reaching out

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Always check in and keep the door open, children never deserve to be abandoned or cut off…

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One day he will look back and see who tried, who cared, and who really had his back and supported him no matter what. Don’t stop reaching out :two_hearts:

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Not to be a dick but, sound like you’re husband needs a wake up call. You all are the parents regardless if you the step parent your a parent. Them kids didn’t ask too be in the world just because it’s difficult don’t give up or there feeling was right nobody cares enough to not give up

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Keep reaching out. Even if you scale back on how often. You never know what he could be going through. Knowing someone is looking out for him and cares could be what he needs, he just doesn’t feel comfortable responding.

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Never stop he will ignore you for a while but deep down under his teen anger you could be his only life line knowing no matter what you keep showing up

Keep reaching out! At very least he’ll know there is someone who still cares and hopefully he’ll come to y’all when he feels he need

Continue reaching out. Life is short and unexpected. In the end, he will always know you are there. Even if it may go unappreciated until needed, it in my opinion shows love and then it helps you as well because then you dont have those regrets later down the road. it hurts like hell, im sure. But our jobs as a parent is to raise strong, independent, productive members of society and create the best life we can for or children. Its also making sure that even through the toughest of times they always knows they are loved and they are important. Even if they doesnt realize it, or dont want it, we sound never give up on them because they deserve that. It does come around, trust me

I think his father needs to check in on him as well. Even if he gets no response. This I feel is very important, not that your son, thinks my step mom tried but my dad didn’t and says screw it. Very touchy situation but I feel you never give up on your children.

I personally would never give up and never stop trying because I’m the parent. In my opinion, it’s my job (or the parents job in your situation) to reach out and make sure my child is okay. He’ll appreciate it later that his bonus mama always made the effort to check on him, even if he didn’t respond or seem interested enough himself.

Sometimes children pick up on a mood or an emotion or a solitary incident that clouds a relationship. Things get distorted and cloudy with time and strong emotions. Send a message or a card that lets him know that you love him no matter what and you always consider him part of your family. Keep the lines open with his mom, send a cards to him on holidays, make sure he knows he matters and isn’t forgotten.

Never stop reaching out. Your messages show him you love & care for him even if the whole world is against him. He sees that he doesn’t need to reply to have your love. You’re doing great xx

Even though it feels that right now you’re not getting anywhere you are making a difference. Someday he will remember the effort and appreciate it.

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Don’t stop by would continue checking in from time to time even if he isn’t answering back be that one constant that he knows regardless is there for him right now it’s a challenging time but you know that you have someone on your side it’s something he’ll always remember even if he doesn’t tell you.

Troubled kids need the most love. I would reach out even if he doesn’t respond. Just knowing you care goes a long way. When he’s ready, he will respond.

Always reach out and continue to give that love without any expectation. He is a kid. One day he’ll realize how much you cared. I’m sure even now it means a lot to him, whether he replies or not. Dad definitely should continue to do his best to reach him as well.

Never stop! One day he will return that call!

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Please continue reaching out…even if it isn’t well received. Sounds like he has been through a lot and the teenager years are tough enough, without any extra. My stepson was tough on me for the first few(quite) years. Their brains aren’t fully matured…they are hormonal and angry already. Even rebellious teenagers need love…even if they don’t think so. My step son has recently thanked me for not giving up on him when everyone else did. I do not intend to overstep but I think he just needs some extra love to get him through :heart: good luck…I know it’s a very tough spot to be in. :purple_heart:

I’d continue to show your support regardless if he responds. Because honestly he’s probably doing some things he shouldn’t be doing or hanging with the wrong people…but at least he’ll know your still worried about him and there when he needs you.
My SO and I have been together for 10 years and his daughter was 3.5 when we met and she’s now almost 14. If I were in the same situation as you, I’d continue to show her I care.

Talk to mom and ask her to try and get him to come on a week night and you can drop him at school in the am , if you live close . Mom gets a night off and you get an evening (plan something he will enjoy) Ease your way back into his life . It can be work but family is worth it !

Continue to reach out - I didn’t and I fully regret it. Even if he doesn’t respond leave a VM or send TXT - even if he isn’t showing it, or doesn’t even want you to - he will always remember you did. It’s showing you care even if right now he isnt showing that it matters to him-I’m sure it means more than you realize

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Continue to reach out with no expectations of a return. He’ll know you’re thinking about him and He’ll respond when he needs to

PLEASE don’t give up on him! He absolutely needs y’all. He may not notice, and y’all may not, but even the small things can help so much!

Keep reaching out. One day he will want to and seeing you never stopped will mean the world.

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Personally I would continue reaching out x u dont say if he answers his father’s messages if he does then maybe he is holding a grudge against u for some reason u just dont know how peoples minds work x continue reaching out either way, he seems to have some issues and u can be sure its from his childhood maybe family therapy with u ur husband himself and bio mam can all go x

No matter if he doesn’t answer still reach out. It shows him you guys still care

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Reach out as long as it’s on your heart to do so. Sometimes the people that need you the most don’t even realize it. Teens are emotional rollercoasters.

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as a child who resents their parent, i say reach out. I hate my dad bc he never did, if he acknowledged me and my existence i’d appreciate just that.

Don’t stop on you guys end. Keep it positive and simple. He may not respond but he’ll always know you never gave up no matter what. And who knows, he may come around. If you stop, then you’ll never know.

Absolutely continue…
I would start saying in the message… “ just reaching out to say hi and see how you’re doing, I know you are probably busy but when you would like, we would love to hear from you… know we are always here”
I’m assuming he’s around 17ish… they think they know everything and don’t need anybody. He will figure it out… in the meantime just keep on doing what you’re doing

All he’s going to remember about his father is that he stopped caring and reaching out. Keep showing you care even if he doesn’t reciprocate right now.

When they’re the hardest to love, is when you must love them the hardest.
Obviously he’s got issues going on. Maybe he even “blames” y’all…it’s common in teens…
I’d still be reaching out daily.
“Morning sunshine! Hope you have a wonderful day. Love you now and always.”
“Night darling. Hope your day was well and that you sleep well. Love you.” And repeat.
That way he’d never have to doubt who has his back, even when he’s being difficult.
Little things go a long way.
At worst, you lost a few moments of your day to extend love to a child…at best, he finally responds and the healing starts…either way is a win IMO 🤷.

He’s a kid. Never give up on a kid. Keep trying he’ll appreciate it one day and it’ll make a difference.

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Keep reaching out !! My son went through a rough time when he graduated high school and was couch surfing at peoples house and no contact from him but I kept checking on him ! He finally came back after about 2 years and he told me the words that I said to him that stayed with him were “I (me) am here like I always have been , I never left. You did “ best of luck

Never stop. It hurts so much when the other parents stop. Your husband may be frustrated but he should keep on reaching out, even just an I love you every week or so would help so much.

Sometimes when people get depressed, they push people away. “I’ll prove that no one really cares about me”. I can’t say 100% that this is the case, just a stranger’s speculation. Above all, be kind to yourself first. It is clear you care, just keep being awesome :+1:

Never stop! You need to reassure him that no matter his choices, you love and care about him. He will see that down the road

Same here at this id give up. I got a bitter baby momma situation and bcuz she no longer controls my husband how she wants she cut the kids off completely so he doesn’t see or speak to them 3 of them at that :weary: and i love all his kids the same but sadly I have no say or control

Just go and check on him. The fact that you are asking means you are struggling with this so just go and if it doesn’t work out you know you tried.

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Keep reaching out so at least one of you is. It’s let’s him know you care even if right now he doesn’t care if u do

Just send messages of love, to let him know you still there and care, never know what will happen, also pray about it since this a concern of yours

Even if he never responds just keep letting him know you care. Don’t expect anything back but saying hi or hope you are doing well will show him that he still has you guys.

Keep reaching out. When hes over this phase of life and matured, he will look back and remember your effort. If you stop communication completely now, you might never get that relationship back again. If you keep at it, he may come around again once hes older.

He’s at that age where he knows everything about everything. Don’t give up on him. Send him birthday and Christmas presents. Hopefully he’ll realises that there are people that care. Just knowing that could help

And so sorry you’re going through this. I know you love him and want to know he’s ok. This is one of those answers that could go any way. Which way will make YOU feel better and sleep at night? Continuing to try and check in on him or just stop? Also he sounds troubled. Has you or bio parents sat him down and asked why he’s doing these things? Is he in therapy? It sounds like he needs to be​:heart: hopefully its just a stage in those teen years and he snaps out of it. But I’d be trying to help and see if you could get him checked out. He might have a mental illness like I do. I’m diagnosed bipolar 1, severe depression, suicidal, severe social anxiety/phobia and just severe anxiety in general. We actually found some of these out when I was 14 years old. But anyways, I’m sending you healing and peace vibes and doing the same for your bonus​:heart::heart:

Never stop. He’s watching trust me. He’ll come around and you guys will have great bond as you didn’t give up on him!!

I wouldn’t stop! I have a step mom and a dad that I love but don’t care for as much as I should, and they reach out to check on me from time to time and they text me on every Holliday and get me or there grandchildren stuff… it feels good to know that they do care and that they are thinking about me and my kiddos so I would continue to reach out and maybe even have dad to reach out… I know it hurts but at that age your emotions are all over the place and as he gets bigger I think he will be happy to know that you guys were/are still trying

Always check in, maybe reassess how often, but always send cards etc.
Bio mums can be toxic :woozy_face: I have faith in that when he reaches a certain age he will have the curiosity to understand what happened around him and why. Always be there xx

I would keep reaching out hopefully one rough day he’ll reach back out to you always let him know you’re there for him.there’s my two cents

Don’t stop. Let him know he’s loved.
Also, no disrespect, but your husband needs to stop acting like a child, man up and keep trying. Just keep letting him know he’s loved and when he’s ready, he’ll reach out back.
Keep reaching out. :heart:

Keep reaching out. Years later he will realize you never gave up on him and that will have more of an impact than anything.

Keep reaching out, there will come a time that he will need it, and for him just to know that you are there no matter what is a big deal. Continue letting him know that you are always a phone call away when hes ready he will come back. :heart: good luck!

Don’t stop. He knows your there and needs to keep knowing that. Give him time to actually grow up.

Don’t give up on him he may be going through something you have no idea about reach out even tho he doesn’t reply he’ll know you guys are there for him…eventually he will look for you guys

He’s a teenager. If I had the option to not talk to or see either of my parents at that age I would have. Seeing as he has been in juvi there is obviously some issues going on. Don’t give up
on him. Not sure where bio mom is but if you guys are on okay terms just go there and see him. Tell him how much you love and care for him. Be there for him. Never stop reaching out. He needs you guys.

Keep reaching out. He is being stubborn, but he knows by you reaching out, he has a safety net. Until he is 18, be his net, in his mind. He knows you care. Don’t stop.

Reach out periodically, but not constantly. It can be exhausting, but even the occasional message may some day make an impact when he is ready.

You are the adults and he is the child. The responsibility to create a relationship should be on you. I say keep reaching out

Send him cards and letters, snail mail. Just talk about what’s new with your family, let him know you think of him often and hope that he is well. Let him know that he can always call, text, email, or even write back and that you’d love to hear from him.
Leave it all open ended though, don’t give him the “you don’t call, you don’t write” bit… and just keep sending them.
I say do it via snail mail because even though everything now is electronic, the personal touch of a handwritten letter or card means so much more… even if they don’t respond.
Just wish him well, and tell him you love him.

I come from a split home and even into adulthood, my dad and stepmom always reach out. Even if I’m super busy or distant and don’t respond, they still reach out. Just the fact that I know they are there and care enough to check on me is huge. Don’t stop. The child is still learning. Just keep being loving parents. Keep reaching out :heart:

Make sure that he knows, then when he wants the door is open.

Reaching out could be pushing him. But a “birthday” or “Christmas” check ins are always an option so he has space, but he knows you still remember him.

But it’s up to you. Good luck.

Don’t stop reaching out…Because one day he will text back…It will be when he is ready❤

Even though his silence is hurts keep checking. You’ve obviously got a big heart, don’t change. Goodluck with it all.

Well you’re more mature than your husband. This child is crying out for guidance, love and dad just walks away cause he doesn’t get what he wants from a teenager? Definitely not dad of the year. You keep reaching out, the child may ignore you but knows you at least care unlike dad.

Stay consistent. He’s going to come around. Took my family 5-7 years for them to come back…one by one, they grew up and got close again

Maybe see if he wants to go for lunch and talk or something. Let him know your door is open. Let him know u still love him and you are there for him when he needs you. Maybe just send a good morning or hope you have a great day message. Don’t give up on him, but don’t expect a response either.

Send him texts telling him he is loved. Could be a lift he needs even though you may never know it. At some point he may decide to reconnect. NEVER close the door.

Keep the lines of communication open. You never know when he is going to need you. Let go, what’s done is done, he’ll make his own mistakes be that Rock he needs when he reaches out for help.

Both of you need to check in on him even if he doesn’t respond. Eventually he’ll come around and even if he doesn’t he’ll at least know that you care. :heart:

I would continue to offer words of encouragement…at the end of the day you will always know you tried.

Dont quit. You never know whats going on at his end. Just make it known youre always available with no judgement.

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