How do you deal with a friend who got a divorce last year and constantly makes annoying comments like “you don’t know what it’s like to do everything on your own” She lives with her mother and has lots of help? She has nothing other than her own bedroom to clean, dinner is made every night for her and her kids, her kids go to their fathers every weekend, and when they don’t, she even leaves them at daycare for extra time to get her free time in. It baffles me how she can think for a single second she’s doing everything on her own. She has more help and more free time than any other parent I know. Would you bring this to her attention or let it go? I probably wouldn’t if she wasn’t constantly making these comments. I have my kids 24/7; my husband is home for two hours a night before he goes to sleep and is too tired to do anything other than hanging out with us for a bit, which we appreciate. I can’t stand the comments any longer. I don’t know why it bothers me, I think I can’t stand the fact she doesn’t realize how much help she is getting.
I would personally let it go. People have different struggles. And they are who they are
Well if it really bothers you just say I do know what it’s like cause I have to do everything with the house and the kids cause my husband is either working or asleep when he is home and doesn’t help out.
You’re jealous that she has something you don’t. And that’s ok. But yeah maybe you can tell her she’s being a little overbearing with it.
But understand that living with a parent as an adult definitely has its challenges too so she’s allowed to feel like her life is hard too.
We never know exactly what someone else is going through. You may assume everything is done for her when in reality it is not. Im a single mom 3 adults one younger child. I have never had family support for my older or younger children but to others they think just because I have family I have all kinds of help and happiness. When in reality my family isn’t good to myself or my children. Try not to judge and just tell her those comments hurt as you have alot on your plate as well.
Tell you know it is tough for her right now but it will get better. Suggest she take a class in something: yoga, biking, reading group, something to fill her time and fill her life again.
Depends on if you’re ready to potentially ready to lose a friend. People see what they want to see (meaning her).
I used to have a friend that would do this with finances, I never said anything.
I had a coworker like that and I got tired of her calling herself a single mom and using her kids as an excuse not to work weekends and holidays when I know for a fact their father had them cause I knew him too. The day she tried to compare herself to me as a single mom in front of everybody it pissed me off so bad I called her out because she truly has no idea what it’s like to do everything on your own. I don’t blame you for being annoyed
Sorry…it’s hard not to be envious…mb one day, you can tell her…you feel that way when she doesnt acknowledge all the help she has, and just because your team is staying together he doesnt do the help you get, because he is doing outside the home…let it go, if she does6get it…hugs
I had to spend 2 weeks staying at my parents. I wanted to die 
I wouldn’t assume it’s sunshine and rainbows.
I’ve been married over twenty years. I’m made to feel bad about it all the time. We row and have fights but we work things out. I get so much grief from people who’ve split up that I don’t get how things are. They have more money and freedom and benefits than we do and we can’t make ends meet because we’re married! Just sigh and ignore it!
I would just say “thank goodness for your mother” everytime she said that.
I know a few “mothers” like this. They get help, free babysitting, roof over their heads and child support but still find something to complain about. I personally just stay away from people like that. 
I get needing to vent. I do. At the same time, I don’t want to listen to a broken record if they have no legit reason to complain. Am I an asshole for it? I guess lol. I’m just the type of person that if you don’t like your current situation, do something about it to fix it. Just me tho.
If ur that close of friends u should say something. Don’t be rude ab it . Next time she brings it up say what u just said in a nice time. Say I wish I had the amount of free time u get. Or something like ur lucky u have ur mom to help. Something like that.
Good lord. Just because she lives with her parents now and her kids go to their dads on the weekend doesn’t mean she doesn’t have struggles too. She doesn’t have a partner to share life and the hardships of raising kids with so she likely feels like she is doing it all on her own because SHE IS, even if she does have her parents around. They still aren’t the grandparents kids to raise. You sound jealous that she gets free time to herself. Hire a babysitter and get you some free time. Seems like it could do you a world of good.
Victim mentality. And you can’t convince them of anything different than what they are telling you. From my experience the only thing to do is not listen.
I bet you she is just lonely and wants to vent to someone. You could always say I’m sorry you feel so alone, I’m always here if you need to talk. And if that doesn’t work, call her out nicely. And if that doesn’t work, cut her out of your life
Truth be told. The truth is rarely told. I would confront her in private. Don’t humiliate her but set her straight in a loving kind way. She needs to humble herself. But its nit your job to change anyone. All you should do is set a good example and in this case. Set the tone in a gracious loving manner. Teach her because she seems both ignorant and arrogant. But give it a shot. You can lead a horse water but there is no forcing to drink. God bless y’all
Projecting. It aint you at all…
I’d ignore or tell her it’s not a competition to see who is more miserable lol
Change the subject when she brings it up
Tell her to Walk in your shoes for a bit 
Who gives a shit? Stop being jealous of your friend having it easier than you? How do you know though? Are you there every waking second of her life? Do you know what goes on behind closed doors? I am currently going through a divorce and that’s the hardest thing ever. If it bothers you that much say something or stop being friends. That’s like being upset your friends parents paid for their wedding cuz they could afford it and you had to pay for yours cuz yours couldn’t afford it. She has help. That’s great. Just cuz your husband works doesn’t mean he can’t help you more either 
SIL was like this…tossed her kids off on everyone…went on road trips all the time…different boyfriend every week…but nobody knew how tough it was to be her and be a mom…
Especially not me or the others she constantly tossed her kids off on for days…if not weeks…at a time to buy food for and deal with their drama bc acted out bc no stable parent in their life. Just grandparents and aunts and uncles constantly raising them for her while she stayed in teenage party mode…Some people should never have kids…
Say it how it is. People are so caught up in their own bubble and want others to continuously feel sorry for them. Tell her to suck it up and when she actually stands on her own two feet then she can say how hard it is to do it on her own
I would totally say something. Do it in a nice way by saying something like: You don’t even realize how good you have it, and repeat what you just said here.
Misery loves company I would bring it up one time that we all have our own share of problems if she keeps at it, drop her. I wouldn’t want to hear 24/7 “woe is me”
as a forever singular parent whose “village” consists of my father who lives across town and works full time, I can understand your frustrations with her comments. I’ve done everything pretty much on my own with my daughter after she was two weeks old (I lived in a different state and my father came to help after I gave birth which was the BEST thing ever). I’ve heard some single parents say that raising kids are easy, or even say it’s tough being a coparent and only having their kid(s) a few days a week. I’ve found when I’ve pointed out how much easier they have it, it doesn’t end well. I’ve learned to keep my comments to myself. it’s not worth wasting your breath. besides, some people who look like they have it easy are also struggling with other things, even mental health. when she brings it up, just say that in some ways you understand how this person feels, and wish them an easier time. your friend may have her own struggles that she doesn’t talk about. we all have our own battles and we deal with and process them differently. our personal experiences in life change our perspective on things; like your idea of “pain” when you’ve never broken a bone is different from someone else’s idea of pain who has broken one
I wonder if she is going through a bit of depression. Sometimes it’s hard to see all the blessing you have when your deeply depressed.
Personally, I would call her out. But be prepared to lose a friend over it.
Everyone deals with their own shit differently…you can’t see thru her eyes and she can’t see thru yours.
This is the second time I’ve read this today
I had a friend who would complain about money all the time. She was always broke (even though her husband was a cop who worked side jobs). They refinanced their house so many times so they could pay off credit cards, that they owed so much more than it was worth. I would have a bag of kids clothes for her that her husband would pick up but I’d sneak frozen chicken breasts in the bag to feed her kids. Then I’d be on the phone with her and she’d tell me how she had a taste for a beef sandwich and the kids wanted pizza so they were getting delivery.
Talked to my other friend and it turned out she ordered out for her and the kids several times a week. Sometimes lunch, sometimes dinner, sometimes both. Sometimes they all had a taste for different foods so, deliveries from different places…
I stopped sneaking her food…
I lost a friend
**Just found out she’s going to school. Instead of paying for school and books with her loans and grants, she bought her and her kid new bedroom sets. The next loan/grant for school she bought a new washer and dryer…
Tell her something, I hate when girls cry that they are single moms when they have family to help them
If it really bothers you ( clearly it does) next time she brings it up and there are not others around just say " Right its crazy hard and could you imagine having to do it all without your parents and all they do , single parenting is a challenge" . At least it might give her pause to think and if said right would not come off rude . Then leave it where it sits . It’s her way of poor me venting .
Just tell her. And be honest. It might ruin your friendship, but seriously? Nobody wants to hear that type of complaint. I would flat out tell her to stop talking that nonsense, and then point out everything you told us. 
Sounds like in her mind she is still over loaded, in her own way; perhaps especially mentally. It has to be frustrating to hear the comparison, but it’s your opportunity to say something genuine, supportive of both of your work load while also validating that hers is also difficult too. Agree that you both can have it hard.
She’s self absorbed! Firstly you need a new friend and hell yeah I’d say something to her I’d definitely put her in her place
She likely has mental illness, like depression. If it bugs you that much, stop spending time with her.
Let it go, just don’t hang out with her!
I definitely would have to say something because I can’t sit back and hear things that I know aren’t true. Honestly there’s only so long you could hold your tongue before you probably say more than you should
Perpetual victim mentality.
Maybe she don’t mean to be bugging you with it & she’s just missing what she used to have. She just had big change in her life. She went from being married & having a partner to help her with everything to being by herself & raising her kids, & although she has her mother technically her mother has no obligation to help her. It might be a help but It’s not the same as having a partner/her children’s other parent helping. I’m not trying to take away from the fact that the way she is expressing it is bugging you, bc I get that her comments can be irritating. I would have a conversation with her & let her know that you understand her situation but the constant comments/comparison are uncalled for. You guys are friends at the end of the day & I wouldn’t let something small like that get in the way of that. I think you both are feeling & seeing this from 2 different perspectives. Friends should be able to talk things out
My friends are my friends because I don’t hide or keep anything in. They tell me how it is and I tell them. We get over it but it’s your friends that are supposed to tell you the truth
Just stop talking to her. She’s projecting her anger and sadness toward everyone else.
I would say something.
“Yeah. I don’t know what I’d do if my husband left, but at least you have your mom, and you get some time on the weekends to yourself. You need to spend more time focused on the silver linings and less time focused on the negatives. Otherwise all of that weight will pull you under. I’d hate for you to get overwhelmed when there’s so much good in your life to hold on to.” If she says, “Yeah, but it’s like, I just never have–” you interrupt, “Nonono. No. Stop. Stop talking. Shhhh. No being a negative Nancy. Let’s talk about something fun before one of us gets an ulcer. Did you know that the first person ever convicted of speeding was caught going 8mph? How embarrassing to get caught for doing 8 in a 2mph zone. Like how can you show your face again after being caught for speeding and the officer’s horse just casually saunters up beside you and the officer says ‘Excuse me, imma need you to pull over.’ Then an old lady waves her cane at you and as she walks by she yells, ‘Some of us have places to be before the year is up!’ That’s gotta be embarrassing!”
Never invalidate someone else’s struggles because you think yours are worse. Period.
Just because she has a smaller load to carry than you doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy for her to carry. Every person handles things differently. You cannot compare yourself and if it bothers you that much it is only bringing negativity into your daily life. Don’t be friends with her.
I’d totally call her out . That’s just me though. I have zero filter…
Until you’ve been divorced you don’t know what’s going on in her mind. My parents helped me get back on my feet after my divorce but I had a 2 yr old and was working 2 jobs. Its still over whelming. Maybe be a friend and ask her if she needs anything.
It really sounds like she’s got some depression going on. I understand being annoyed because it seems like she has it so easy, but she’s probably just looking for some recognition that things are hard for her too in her own way. If you have to say something to her, I don’t think its necessary to make her feel bad about herself, that’s only going to make her defensive and probably even more bitter. You don’t have to be around her if she bothers you, but just a reminder that you really never know what someone else is going through, so try to be kind if you can <3
She probably means financially. Yes, she is living at her mother’s, and her mother makes dinner, but my guess is she lives there and her mother helps like she does because she can’t afford to do anything else. And, there is a big difference between having your Mom and having a spouse. It’s very, very lonely, and you feel very isolated. My guess is this is what she really is getting at. You have mental and emotional help and support and interaction from a friend and a lover and a partner, and she has none of that. This isn’t her being spoiled like it initially appears. This is her being very, very sad.
I always thought the term “single mom” meant the father wasn’t in the picture at all. Wouldn’t the father taking the kids regularly and supporting them also be called co parenting. You’d be surprised how much people just say things looking for pity. They want you to agree with them if you say things real and call them out you look like a bitch 
this is why I just focus on my man and our kids as an adult. If her comments annoy you, call her out if she gets offended don’t talk to her anymore. Hands clean
Let her grieve … it’s not about you LOL
Maybe you have outgrown this friendship?
I would point out how lucky she is to have the help she does have.
She is probably having a hard time with the divorce whether she admits it or not. Living with a parent is NOT easy. Tbh my kid acts better when she is just with me than when my mom is around so I cant even imagine having to do it 24/7 not to mention potential downfalls that can come with living with a parent or family member because i have lived it (they might feel like they can control you and your kids because it is their roof). She might be depressed and you don’t even know it. I also doubt you know what her every single day is like so i feel like you MIGHT be making assumptions saying (she only has her room to clean or she is cooked for every night). I agree that the comments from her is probably very annoying and i agree maybe a comment like “yes i know what it is like to because my husband works all day and comes home too late at night and tired to do much”. But other than that, I wouldnt say more because you might think you know her whole situation and might not.
I strongly agree with the comments that are basically saying that you don’t know what she’s going through and to validate her feelings. Agree. But I also think that if she’s saying it constantly that she’s probably reassuring herself that she’s enough bc she’s feeling very insecure and probably lost. So if it bothers you enough that you need to say something, tread lightly and let her know delicately that it bothers you. Bc it seems like she’s going through a lot and is trying to find her place. I hope that she can hear you without being defensive. Just be patient. You’re a very good friend for asking for help on how to deal with this. Just shows how much you care.
I wouldn’t say anything. You don’t know what she’s going thru…
Don’t let the opinions or comments of other people get you down. You act like you need her approval or to see that your life is hard. Everyone is dealing with their own battles. Just let it go and move on 
Keep it to yourself and save your friendship and let her live her life her way
Honestly when you are feeling low or depressed menial tasks feel like so much effort. Even though she has the physical help that you don’t she still may feel just as tired and overwhelmed as you do. Peoples mental capacity to deal with stress is so different and while you may be able to do all this on your own she just can’t. Don’t expect that because you can do something and not feel overwhelmed that it’s the same for other people.
Say something…she dosn.t realise how good her life is…she should do more with her children …she not a mother
I’ve been in the girls shoes by living with my parents. I was mom so I did it but my mom knew I needed a break and stepped in sometimes because I have my daughter 24/7 365 due to her dad moving back home which is out of state. So just listen and be a good friend maybe you don’t know the full circumstances and if you do, is it really worth an argument? Pick and choose your battles.
I think when she says “doing it all on your own” she means that she feels alone. Doesn’t matter how many people surround you, when you’re depressed, you feel alone. And that right there is the problem with people today. Nobody understands mental illness and everybody is judging other people. If she just had a divorce then she is going through some shit. Leave that woman alone if you can’t be supportive
You have to remember that not everyone handles situations the same. The way you’re putting it does come off as you being jealous, not of her specifically but of the way she’s getting pampered, getting help and you’re not. I’m not saying you are jealous but I can definitely see how it can be perceived that way. I’d approach it in more of a way of telling her like be grateful for the help that you have now and take advantage of that to better yourself and be focusing on goals instead of feeling sorry for yourself. If she gets offended by that then homegirls is just looking for a pity party and I’ve personally cut friends off for that. Once that her negative energy starts having an effect on your own mood & she’s not willing to change? It’s more then time to cut her off 
Doesn’t seem like your doing all on your own either. Your husband pays for bills so don’t act like your the one who doing it in their own.
As a single parent who did at one point move back in with my parents before securing my own family home and getting a partner… people may have thought I had it easy living back home but I didn’t, I was and still am beyond grateful for the extra help but it was hard! So yes she is within her rights to express the difficulties of being a single parent… should she be called out on expressing those difficulties… no you have a two parent household, unless you have raised a child on your own you will never fully understand, so yes she may get extra time during the day, but you can 100% garentee she’s the only one up when the child’s teething or ill etc, during the night, she may get meals made but don’t you with a partner? Whether it’s a quick piece of toast or a chuck of a chocolate bar in your direction? I’m sorry but single parents get enough flack as it is they don’t need more when they have some form of support that is equivalent to how a partner should act?! But that’s just my opinion and personal experience.
Thats just a rude friend.
If it bothers you that much maybe next time point out the help she does have and “say” something that way. Maybe that would help get it off your chest some in a nice way. Just because you feel that way doesn’t make you a bad friend, some people will always be the poor me type & never see their blessings.
Your probably happier then her, she sounds Self Center…
I wouldn’t say anything. You know the reality. That’s what matters. It could be that she says it to make herself feel better. She could have mom guilt for all the things you said and that could be her way of dealing.
You’re stupid lmfao your friend needs better friends ASAP!
My cousin was like that. Her mom, grandma & kids dad always had him. She never bought anything. Everyone always bought everything for them including her house. Yet she always cried that being a single mom was so hard & critised me. As an actual single mom who was also taking care of my handicapped mother who literally did everything herself it’s a hard to hear. I just ignored her. It’s not worth a fight which is what I knew would happen.
She’s your friend and is ok with making comments on how what she feels about your life give her back comments on how u feel about her life
If she said it around me constantly you don’t know what it’s like, my reply would always be the same
FCKKK UPPP 
I would say something. Point out all the ways she does have help. Let her no you don’t appreciate the comments .
I would point out how hard it will be once she actually stops having help… when she moves out of her parents house.
I know so many women that claim to be “single parents” yet get money from an ex or the ex has the kids half time. I was a single parent with no help from anyone for five years and it’s hard. But it annoys me when I hear people who really have no concept of what that is like say that.
Just tell her that you are aware of her current life situation and hope things get better for her but please when ya’ll go out that you would like to talk about other things or just enjoy each others company and have fun. If she can not do that then find other friends to go out with .
Thats why shes divorced 
that poor fella just couldnt take it anymore
Sounds like a spoiled ass that needs a wake up call…sounds from what you posted that her ex husband prob got fed up with whining and complaining and prob finally had enough n dropped her
Her Struggles are valid and so are yours. Everyone deals on different levels. But for you to tell her that hers aren’t valid because YOU feel that aren’t " that bad " is self. YOU are in your feelings imo because you feel hers aren’t struggles. That’s not your place ,just as it’s Noone place to tell you.
Does she mean emotionally? Feeling emotionally alone can be horrible, were as you have a husband who, even though tired, will spend time with you all each night. That’s probably something she would currently be envious of.
Maybe turn it and find a positive to counter her negative. I did that and pretty soon he didn’t complain so much. Like ‘well at least you didn’t have to be totally alone’ ‘Well your parents are sure life savers right?’ Look for the positive to counter her.
Tell her she’s not doing it on her own
Id for sure have to point out all the things people do to help her. I literally don’t have anyone helping me aside from my boyfriend who doesn’t do a lot because he doesn’t want to step on toes which I get and it’s not his responsibility. But I have a friend like this. She doesn’t work her husband does when he gets home she takes off she doesn’t cook he does she doesn’t shop he does she doesn’t even take them to school her sister does but yet complains about being overwhelmed and tired from it all. I have told her and will again that she’s not alone. I am the only one that takes my son to and from school. I am the only one that takes care of him when he’s sick. I’m the only one getting school supplies and helping with homework. I am the one teaching him to ride a bike and respect women. I don’t and never have received child support and his dad is almost non existent. Like to the point he will go months without contacting his son. And my mother and father have died and my grandpa and grandma are too old to help out and no siblings for me. So I think I have more of an idea on being a “single parent” and I tell her that.
Tell her to humble herself rq. Make her appreciate the things that she has and know how grateful she should be. Otherwise just say nothing and cut her off because you don’t need that energy. Your doing amazing btw 
I’d just be like it’s honestly hurting my feelings (or pissing me off idk what type of relationship y’all have) that you’re saying I don’t know anything cause I’ve got ‘help’ (moms don’t get help lmao) and explain every child is different to parent and she has support from her family and you have support from you SO it’s not that different
I used to keep my mouth shut about my feelings with my friends but it causes resentment and you don’t want that. Since then talk to my friends about the stuff that bothers me or upsets me in our friendship (always start with ‘I feel’ so they don’t feel they need to be defensive) and explain that you’re sharing your feelings because this friendship is important to you and you’d like to keep that friendship strong
I would point out that although she feels like she is all alone and doing it tough it would be a lot harder for her if she didn’t live at her mother’s or have daycare as ‘help’ because then she would truly be doing it alone. Maybe she just needs reminding of the help she has?
Ask her what she is having for dinner and if she tells you what her mum is making then point out how lucky she is to have her mum cooking for her and her children.
It seems like you should just remove yourself from the equation . If you don’t like hearing about someone who feels a certain way about something in their lives then just remove them no need to say something just because you may or may not get the help you wish you had everyone is different has different perspectives so just remove yourself from the situation.
I have a friend like this but its a different situation. I understand why it bothers you. I get annoyed too. My only advice is to distance yourself from her. Mothers don’t get the breaks we need. The less you talk to her the better you will feel. I wouldn’t say anything because it will just start a fight. My goal in life is decrease my stress, that will increase it.
Honestly, Been In this situation!!
Me and my husband separated till we could figure out what we both wanted.
I moved back into my moms with the kids, I started therapy and got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. When you feel like that, it DOES feel like you’re doing everything. It’s an overwhelming feeling of failure and not knowing what to do in the future. 
there’s sooo much happening but you still have to put on a happy face for the kids and when they’re at dads it’s lonely as hell just you with your thoughts.
You’re not a bad friend for your feelings because you just don’t understand them because you’re not in her shoes.
I would just be there for her thru this rough time, maybe start a conversation and she’ll open up about feelings. She might just need someone to help.
I think its fair of her to feel alone as she’s going through a big change. I wouldn’t say anything and just let her have her feelings. You’re allowed to feel like life is hard too because it is. But comparing doesn’t help.
However, if she makes remarks about how u have a husband then u should definitely point out some of those things to her. But I’d say, I am lucky to have him, but that doesn’t change that I have no free time and feel overwhelmed. Or something and leave her out of it.
Maybe tell her it bothers you because youre very overwhelmed and do alot alone too but i wohldnt say anything like “you have so much help” or anything like that. You can think you know everything about someone but how you see it and how she lives and feels everyday is different.
I’d probably just ask genuinely ‘what exactly are you doing all on your own that’s bothering you?’
Couple things… question why it bothers you so much.
Next…she’s stuck in her head of playing all the scenarios where she Is on her own.
She recognizes that her current situation is temporary…then it Does ALL fall on her. Right?
I was in a similar situation years ago. Recently separated from the father of my kids and even though I was living at my parents at the time, I did feel all alone and on my own. My ex wasn’t helping out financially (at the time) because he felt he didn’t have to since I was living rent free and even though I was living with my parents, my kids were still my responsibility. Sure, my mom would help out with meals here and there but my kids were still 100% mine to take care of-I missed the 2 parent deal. Can you honestly say you know exactly how she’s living every minute of every day? I’m sure she’s feeling like a failure in some way because when it comes down to it, no one I know, plans to one day be a single parent. And even if dad is in the picture- meaning he gets his weekend with the kids- it’s still not the same as having a 2 parent household where you can tap out once you’ve reached your limit.
Be a good friend. Create some dialogue. Find out what it is exactly she’s tired of or having trouble with.