I am a single mom of 3. I have two with my ex husband and 1 with a guy I was in a relationship with.
At the time I got with my ex boyfriend, he pushed and pushed me to move in with him because I was in school and working full time and being a mom. I shouldn’t have, but I did. It took me no time at all to realize he was a horrible person and we were not compatible. I couldn’t afford to leave so I was trying to save up. I had an IUD at that time. Around the time I decided to leave, I found out I was pregnant. I panicked and told him. I said I wanted an abortion because I couldn’t handle 3 kids plus school and working. He told me he would throw us out on the street if I got it aborted. I was afraid if I had an abortion and said I miscarried he would somehow find out.
I had the baby and left shortly after because I could afford it. I couldn’t bond with him. I love him and have tried for the past 2 years to bond. I have been to more than a few therapists to try to fix myself. I feel such resentment every time I have my child. When I saw him come out of me I had this overwhelming thought and feeling of “this isn’t my child” I’ve never felt like he was actually my child. I had psych testing done to see if anything was wrong with me and I only was diagnosed with depression and anxiety which I have been diagnosed with years ago. They said I had no other issues. Trust me, I wanted them to find something wrong so I could fix it.
His dad is cruel and mean to me. We don’t co parent well. Every time I have to pick my son up I am afraid. I keep my gun with me and I have flash backs of how horrendous the relationship was. It’s almost like PTSD. The details of how awful he was are irrelevant. I just get sickening flashbacks.
I am tempted to sign over custody and paternal rights. I try so so hard to be a good mom to him and treat him the same as my other two kids who I adore and would die for. It just sucks the life out of me and I can’t do it. I can’t handle 3 kids and working over time nurse shifts every week. My ex husband is very understanding of my schedule and we co parent so well together. I have 50/50 custody with the two older kids and we are so close. But I just can’t handle the third. I feel like he’s better off without me and I feel like his life will be so much better and so much fuller if I’m not in it. I want him to have the whole world and to flourish. I just don’t think I can give him what he deserves.
It keeps me up each night. I cry myself to sleep most nights because I don’t know what to do. I just know above all else I want what is best for my son. He didn’t ask to be born. He didn’t ask for any of this. I just want him to be happy and do well in life.
Because you’re saying that this man was abusive to you, I am sure there is more background info here that we don’t know, however he is also going to be abusive to your child.
Now, I completely understand you not being able to take on this part of your life because you have some trauma and probably are unable to deal with this and you should not be judged for that, so yes I think you should speak with some therapists and family if they’re supportive and discuss the pros and cons (long term also!) of you signing over your parental rights. BUT I also think you need to ensure the child’s welfare and make sure that if it isn’t you, maybe it shouldn’t be given 100% to him either. He sounds like maybe he’s doing this on purpose to get you to sign over your rights (which is wrong and abusive on many levels to you and your child) and I think you need to take some time to think about this.
I would also advise you to maybe make a less permanent decision first, like getting some assistance with your visits from family if you can or even reducing them if needed - until you can treat your trauma. Once you come out on the other side you may realize you do not want to give up your child, you just could not handle what was happening at the time. And that’s ok. Take your time and get better. Your health is important and if this person is abusive it can take years to recover.
Please don’t sign over your rights, that’s your depression talking. I went threw something similar and I even went as far as asking my cousin to keep my baby because I thought I couldn’t handle him. He was 2 months at the time and now he’s a smart wonderful 9 year old. I can’t imagine my life without him.
I feel sorry that you’re in such a tough situation. No mother should ever have to feel like that. Please DO NOT give your child to such a man… someone who has ill-treated you will definitely do the same to the child.
This child deserves your love just as much as your other kids. Please keep your child with you. I’m sure you’ll find a way to love and cherish this baby of yours & the child will love you back just as much…
Honestly if this guy is so “bad” and “cruel” then why the fuck would you sign rights to YOUR child over to him?! I have no advice for you really… Just try to be a better mother, your poor children are the ones suffering and all you’re worried about is yourself… How could you keep two and toss one aside like that? You seem mentally unstable, I suggest getting help. Your kiddos all deserve more. If you can’t love them all equally and take care of them properly you really don’t have any business keeping any of them. Good luck.
Oh wow…def not going to make u feel guilty for your feelings. Motherhood isn’t easy. And I can understand although I don’t agree. So many factors involved in this. Is he a good parent to your son? You say he’s not good to you…I’m not sure I would sign my child over to him. I just couldn’t help but think of how your son will view you when he grows up.
So you want to sign over parental rights so dad who has been horrible an abusive has all rights to him? Hmmm….hey listen I’m not in your shoes but if you’re a nurse id save whatever needed to get away. Detach ASAP! Why can’t you handle your third? The third child is here now nothing you can do. I don’t know how you can just up and walk away from your child when things get tough, but want to have the other two around.
Is it possible that these feelings aren’t so much towards your child, so much as your child remind you of him and that’s why you feel this way? Almost like you’re tied to your ex because of him so you’re feeling some resentment? I’m not judging either way. Maybe try therapy to work through healing from that abusive relationship and work on the PTSD part of it. Also, would your child be safe with him because of his dad being abusive? It doesn’t sound like he’d be fit to have him full time.
This sounds like severe postpartum depression I think before anything else you should get evaluated for postpartum depression if you haven’t already be very honest with your therapist and psychologist about the details of your relationship with your son’s father. If that isn’t the issue and you still do not connect with your son if your ex is a good father to your son and fit to be a single father legally with the courts involved talk to son’s father and go through with signing your maternal rights over to your son’s father. Move on, you gave you’re son life that is good enough, you will do more emotional damage to your son if you stick around trying to be a good mother when you don’t feel a bond. Please get get you’re tubes tied, burned and cut so you don’t repeat this in the future and you know you can’t handle a third.
I have no words. How can you love 2 kids and not the third? He didn’t ask to be born, you’re right and you don’t love him the same like he did something to you. You resent him for some reason. Poor child. If the dad was abusive to you, he probably is to him as well. The little guy will never understand why you loved his siblings and not him.
I would also be worried about how attached your other children have become to their new sibling. It’s not just your feelings to consider. Your other children might have stronger feelings about that than you realize.
If your ex is awful then how would your son be better off with only him? Regardless of the bonding issue you feel with your son consider the kind of man your ex will raise him to be especially if you aren’t in his life to teach him better.
I don’t think either of you should have that child.
But I do think you should be a MOM and get the child away from him and to a loving family- that IS your responsibility 100%.
Always do right by children you give birth to!i would take the child to get the baby away froM you both.
I am mortified by this!
Yes, sign over your rights. Give him that gift of not ever knowing how you feel by experiencing your idea of parenting kids you actually adore and then…well…him. Just do it. Give him to his daddy ASAP.
It sounds like the father is a good dad just not a good partner there is always 2 sides to every story so I can’t say much but if your not bonding with your child and think it is best to sign him over then maybe try giving him to the father for the weeks and take him weekends see if that helps being a mom is hard I have 3 kids 2 bio and 1 step and I love them all soooooo very much and bond diffrent oh witch each one my son is my baby my world my everything he saved me and made me a mother my step son showed me I can love others as my own and and don’t always have to be the only one my daughter showed me what being loved is like she showed me so much in my life I couldn’t ask for anything better she completed me and our family I was scared if she was a bot I wouldn’t know how to bond with her I already had my 2 very diffrent bonds with my son and step son who I have been raising and coparenting for 4.5 years now if in your heart you need to let him go please either sign rights over to dad or someone who maybe can’t have children
Do NOT give him up. Take it one day at a time. You do care it’s very clear. Things will change over time, and the last thing you want is more trauma for him. This is absolutely depression and trauma talking. Keep working with your therapist, and look into different types of therapy. Giving up your rights, especially to an abusive person, no dude. That won’t help either of you. Don’t do it please.
He will know your feelings his whole life if you sign him over… and if his dad treats him the way he has treated you then what? A mom that didn’t even want him and a dad that treats him like xyz…… I can not imagine how a child comes out of that.
With what you have told us, and just going by that, I dont think its your son you are not bonding with. I think it’s your ex because you have shared custody with horrible history. Have you tried to get a third party to do the drop off’s and pick ups? You love your son deep down but you are still traumatised by the relationship and the threats the ex gave you. Do you have a therapist to help you? If not, look into getting one. Explore all possible avenues before you do anything major you may regret. This way, you can tell him honestly that you tried everything under the son before resorting to signing your rights away. Your son may resent you when he is older but if you can show that you had tried everything he may be a bit more understanding. In the end, it is a choice that you need to make that will be best for EVERYONE involved
Oh Honey, I feel your pain and worry through your words. Are you taking your depression meds daily? That makes such a big difference. If no then get on those meds. As a nurse, you know it’s important. This child is your responsibility. Not the dad’s if he’s horrible. You know that. Like the above member said, fake it till the meds kick in. You know the right way to raise him so you gotta do it. He deserves it. If no meds, get on meds. They will help!
This as a mother makes me sick. How can carry a child for 9 months, give birth to them, keep it for 2 years and then decide you don’t love him. If your gonna sign your rights away to one, then sign it for all 3. The siblings deserve to be raised together. If you can’t do it, I’m sure there is someone out here that would be delighted to.
Atleast your honest (sad but true) but you READ UP & find your biggest girl panties and pull thru woman, Find some kind of release, cry it out DAILY, take a boxing lessons Open up your Bible (!) cause yes he didnt ask to be born. You made the decision to continue on so you better stick your chest out… take a hella deep breath and follow thru, dammit. Don’t take the harsh to heart but this is your life now, resources are out there for You && Your children
No judgement. Its obvious you have put alot of thought into how you feel is best to move forward. My only concern would be - is the father able to offer a safe, loving and healthy environment in which to raise your child? I would suggest speaking with family counselling/family legal before making any further decisions. Go easy on yourself. It sounds like you have this child’s best interests at heart - with or without you in their life. I feel for your child as a mum myself, the poor baby. But I also see a mum who is depressed and is in turmoil, and I send you a great big hug
It’s not the child’s fault that you and the father didn’t work out how can you resent a child that is so toxic, it’s sad that the child is suffering because you can’t get your shit together and be a decent mother accept the fact you have three children not two
Would he even be safe with his father? If so then maybe. I was in a very similar situation with my son, wanted an abortion & his father said he would kick me out too. I ended up leaving at 7 months pregnant to save both me & my son. I didn’t want him until the last month of my pregnancy. But him & my much older daughter are my world & without either of them I wouldn’t be whole.
Dear I can understand the tiring and depression that comes with that situation especially if your other situations are better. But remember… you are showing your a good mother by fighting for your child. Yes it’s exhausting but we’ll worth it
I applaud you for coming forward about something so difficult. At the end of the day, you are going to make this decision on your own and nobody can make it for you. However, I think you care about your child more than you are telling yourself because you’re sitting here questioning it and crying over these circumstances. Stop looking at your child as a reflection of your ex, and look at him the way you look at your other two children. Do you really feel this negatively about your son or do you feel that way about yourself? I’m not a professional. None is us are and we don’t have the answers, but if you’re crying yourself to sleep and telling yourself that you want the best for your son, you love him enough and owe it to him to try harder than just 2 years. You have a lifetime to bond with him.
I feel like you don’t like your third child because you resent the father. You got in a relationship with him and envisioned a better life but it took a different turn, and now that you’re left alone with 3 kids and no partner, you feel like you are also stuck with a child that you did not even want in the first place. It’s not easy to be a mother, and I’m not trying to shame you but you need to hold yourself accountable that you moved in with the wrong person and not only blame the father. He is who he is and no one can change him, but you need to see your third baby as your baby and not an unwanted child that was forced on you. See him as a person and don’t associate the baby with your relationship with his father, it can make it easier. No child deserves to not be fully loved.
This is so sad I’m talking about sad for the child. You as a parent are very selfish all I see is you constantly just talking about you and your ex grow up and be the mother your suppose to this makes me sick if you don’t want your son I would be more than happy to take him and raise him as my own I also have two older children and struggle also sometimes but I struggle for them they never go without and are very well loved
because I love them. My kids are gonna know mama might have struggled but she made it happen I would never give up on my child like that. Never! If this is how you think then your unfit as a mother right now and might need to evaluate your mental health. Every child deserves to be and feel loved.
I can’t say I know what you are going through but this little boy needs you as his mother because of you he is here no matter be there for him and I wish you all the best don’t treat him any different from the other kids the stone the builder refuse will be the head corner stone
I will gladly take your child. If you have resources. Please get the help you need. I’d rather you place your child in a loving home than anything bad happen. Please pPlease. Gove all your kids over to family . And get help.
I can’t comprehend how you could love your two other kids but basically hate your third child. To be straight honest he probably is better off without you. kids pick up on vibes and also sounds like you probably treat him differently then the other two as well. So he’s clearly going to see and know that his mom hates him and doesn’t love him either way so yes you should let him be with the parent/(someone else) that truly loves him and isn’t going to end up hurting him out of angry or resentment. Smh I’ll probably be bashed for saying this but honestly you don’t deserve to have the joy of being in your other kids lives either though as you will get to go on and be happy and this child will have to live with the heartbreaking reality that his mom never wanted him or loved him all she did was hate him and see him as a inconvenience/problem yet wanted and loved his siblings Smh I seriously have no respect for people that pick and choose which of their children to care about! Especially in this situation you done got him attached to you cause as young as he is he probably loves you unconditionally even though Im sure your probably very cold and mean to him based off your disgust for him through this post and my heart breaks for this little boy he deserves so much better than you that’s for sure!
Sometimes the better thing is to allow the other parent to be custodial and you noncustodial. Hormones are a hell of a thing, especially if you have trauma with it. Men aren’t ashamed, why should women be ashamed over the same choices or situations. So what is best for your child and you mentally. Jay don’t forget the step in his life where you should explain to him why things ended up this way. Usually around teenage years. That way he has a choice to understand and see where you were coming from. That is usually the mental baggage kids carry. Why is my life like this? Why did my parents choose this? What did I do? Be gentle and communicate.
First, I want you to know I feel for you and your situation. My personal opinion is that his dad might not be the best option , can your parents help or even a sibling you trust while you father or thoughts? If you cage this much which I believe you do, you are the best your child has. No kid deserves to not be loved by mommy as much as the other siblings. The trauma of that might be more than he can endure and might never recover. My advice would be to seek help from a trusted family member, get on an antidepressant , and pull through for your baby. Also, try going to a church nearby. God never gives us more than we can bear. Best of luck to you
Even though I don’t agree with this- there are some comments that are rude- someone is crying out for help- she isn’t hurting the child that we know of and sadly SO many woman are this way and won’t speak up because they are shunned for having their feelings! I’m feel sorry for this mother because I can’t imagine what she must truly be feeling- I feel sorry for the baby because he doesn’t know and I know he loves his mom!
I don’t usually comment on things…
But I think you should find another doctor/therapist. Do you have “baby blues”? I’m not sure of the medical term.
My sister had it and none of my family picked up on it except one day a friend of hers made a comment.
My sister said she didn’t feel connected to her baby. She knew she had to feed it. But she didn’t feel the love for it. Turns out she had a chemical imbalance.
Side note… My sister is in a loving relationship with her husband. So yours could be a combination of a few things.
There are allot of things here, first of all I do not think its the fact you can’t bond or get a relationship with your son because you don’t love him and are crazy I think you are putting you’re son and you’re abusive relationship together in a category you’re son dont need to be in. When you think of you’re son you think of the abusive relationship maybe? So it brings back like a ptsd feeling. And you’re other kids you are fine with because you feel comfortable with you’re ex-husband he was not abusive. And also if you say all that and you know that is what that boy deserves and you know you want happiness and love for him that right there is you loving him you just are having a hard time feeling it. And the last thing if you really feel giving him up is the best thing to do then maybe you should do it not because of you or for yourself but because you’re son that boy don’t need to grow up knowing you have feelings of resentment twords him and making him feel if he is like a burden to you. Only issue is if that father is abusive to you what makes anyone think he would be fine to the boy? That being said id get cps or someone involved about what you are wanting to do for the sake of the boy.
Don’t give him to the dad, he probably treats him badly too. You need to seperate the child and his dad in your mind and stop blaming your son for staying with the dad for longer than you want. You co-parent well with your ex husband and love and get along with those children says everything. Put the blame and resentment where it belongs, not on an innocent child and stop trying to palm your responsibility onto someone else, he’s your child not a piece of furniture.
How can you carry ur child for 9 months & then don’t want him? If you got pregnant on birth control then he was truly a blessing . God wanted him in this world . He needs his mama . How do you think he’s going to feel when he’s grown up wondering why you didn’t want him but wanted the other 2? Just because his dad is mean doesn’t mean you have to abandon him . Tough times don’t last forever …
Please ignore the judgemental ones in here that just don’t understand what you’re going through
You didn’t choose to get pregnant or choose to give birth you were FORCED to
That’s not easy for anyone
Rape victims go through something similar when their attack results in conception
Only you and your doctors can give you the advice you seek however it is not easy to just sign your rights away, men try all the time and are denied, also the courts will take into account you have 2 more children that you may not be mentally able to care for
You know, I unexpectedly got myself a baby boy when my oldest was almost 4. I was a surrogate who carried him… I donated my own egg for this… His mom to be was ecstatic… She couldn’t wait to be a mom.
Well he was born prematurely at 32 weeks, spent a month in the hospital and she took him home. 3 weeks after that I got a call saying she can’t handle being a parent… But I didn’t hate her, she actually went through PPD even though she didn’t carry him. So I took him… A week and a half in, I was miserable, I couldn’t do it, I was mentally and physically exhausted. I’m a single mom, how could I give him the life he deserves? Fast forward I got a great family for him… I cried till I had no more tears left the day he went to their home. My heart broke… By the grace of God, things didn’t work out, the family lied about things and I fought for him. I told myself that I was his momma, he needs ME. Even if it’s going to be hard, he will have me and his big brother… It took months for me to actually realize that he is my son… I love that little bugger with all my heart. He turns 4 in November. I feel ashamed for giving him to another family, even though it was only 2 and a half weeks. But that also gave me a chance to come to terms that I have another son… It was what I needed. I’m so grateful things worked out the way they should have.
This post is heartbreaking and just horrible to read for that innocent poor baby boy. You are saying what a horrible abusive man he was but yet you want to let him raise your son. This poor baby is going to grow up so messed up because of you. Give up rights , give the boy a chance at a good life, but not the abusive father… lets pray he gets a great home someone adopts him and loves him intensely.
First of all, you need counselling. It sounds like you simply resent that child because of how the father of that child treated you. How dare you? How dare you make that child feel different than your other children? He is YOUR child too! You need to seek mental help, because the feeling you have for that innocent baby are not normal. Did you love that man when he was fucking you? Based on what you’ve said, and how you treat that child differently, I would not trust you with that child. Grow up and get some proper help.
You are placing blame on your child for the wrong done to you by the boyfriend!!! You have to separate those feelings!!! He deserves more than that!!! I don’t understand how you can love two kids but not the other!! You definitely need therapy!! You spread open your legs regardless of how anything was!! Now woman up and be a damn mother!!!
It sounds like you have a hard time loving your son because of his father, because you didn’t want the baby and you had no choice but to follow through with your pregnancy. It sounds a lot like post partum depression in ways. But usually mothers grow out of that after so long. I definitely wouldn’t leave your child with his father if he is that bad of a person. If you truly have your child’s best interest at heart you wouldn’t leave him with such a evil person regardless if he is the father or not. Please make the right choices for the sake of your son. I truly hope you can figure things out and find the lost love in your heart for that sweet boy because every child deserves to be loved and feel loved.
I’m so lost in words . I’m not judging you . But honestly those 3 kids should be your rock your stone to become better . How can you have 3 and love 2. There your kids regardless who the father is. Don’t give him up. He’s always going to wonder why was he abandoned. No child should ever have to wonder that .
You should really see other doctors therapists or someone that can help you out. But do what’s best for the child praying for you .
Just wondering have you thought about when he grows up how you will tell him why you gave up your rights to him and not your other two children? When he’s older he may feel that you wanted to be in his older siblings lives and not his. Just my opinion but I wouldn’t do it and I don’t think that I could. I have a son and daughter, they have different fathers - I consider my son’s father to be a sperm donor because he doesn’t really help support my son, my boyfriend asked me one day if I would consider letting the sperm donor have my son and I told him that I would never do that. The sperm donor did things like messed with my tire twice and stalked me when I was pregnant with my son, he told me to leave him alone and don’t contact him for any reason so I didn’t. Prayers for you.
Momma, idk what you’re going through, but I have 3 kids of my own and I’m also a volunteer firefighter going for my emt certification. I am due with an unexpected pregnancy as the birth control that was supposed to be good for 3 years failed. So I am due for my 4th cesarean in 9 weeks with twins. So I will have 5 children. My oldest 2 are from my previous marriage and in total I was with that man for 13 years, my oldest is 8 my other son is 5, my youngest with my now relationship and the father of the twins, she is 16 months old. It IS rough, but that child absolutely deserves love and care. If you feel like you can’t take care of the child, talk to an adoption agency, from what I read the father of that child is not fit to watch the child if you are that afraid of that man imagine what that child’s life would be like. I would look into other options but I would not sign my rights over to him if he is abusive, or the child’s safety would be in danger. I honestly can say my kids drive me crazy, but I would lay my life down for them. I think you need to find a new therapist, it’s great that you are seeking help. I’m not trying to be judgemental as I know everyone battles their own demons. To me it sounds like you have severe post partum depression and it can actually last years after having a child not just a few months. It is very very hard having children especially more than one. I wish you the best momma
Have you tried therapy with your son and you? I think it’s called parent interaction therapy or something like that but it helps you develop a relationship with your child. Also if the dad is abusive to you don’t you think he will be to the baby?
I’m going to say you need another therapist and doctor. I’m not professionally qualified, but I’m going to suggest looking in to postpartum to depression. That is separate from your normal anxiety and depression issues. Seriously reach out to other professional sources!! Do not make any permanent decisions based on temporary emotions
I will take your child! I’m being 100% my husband and I can’t medically have children and I would love to adopt him and give him life of love and support! Reach out to me if this is something you feel you would want to do , obviouslywith the fathers consent. I do not know how he feels about the child but there is always a way.
I believe the correct term is Post-partum psychosis, people are so obsessed with PPD that they don’t realize there are actually 3 forms of PPD with the psychosis being the 3rd and worse part. Stop degrading the poster for wanting to give baby up and understand that what she is going through is extremely dangerous and could lead to her harming herself and the kids. Post-partum psychosis is considered dangerous and treated as a medical emergency.
You’re taking it out on your child because of the father and what he did to you. I can’t relate idolizing the father so much that depending on how he treats me determines how I treat an innocent baby. If you weren’t diagnosed with anything but depression then you’re selfish and rotten. You work with vulnerable patients too while you feel such disdain for your own innocent baby? What if someone treats you bad at work so you start to despite the patients who had nothing to do with it with the same disdain not properly taking care of them. I personally would not leave the child with a dangerous man but you don’t give a shit about that baby at all and probably will. He should be put up for adoption in a stable home.
I truly feel you should not be involved in his life if you feel this way however if his dad was so awful to you how can you trust he wont be that way to your son or to another woman in front of your son ? It sounds like this boy needs a totally new family one that is ready to be the family he needs .
Some of these women’s comments make my stomach turn. She evidently needs some help and advice & some of these women are being so damn judgemental it is unreal & disgusting. There are places like fire departments where women can take their newborn child if they’re “not ready” to be a parent. Some women do that & are not judged at all because “the child is safe & unharmed & in a safe place with caring people”. How is this any different just because the child is 2? She has the child’s best interest at heart & wants what’s best for the CHILD. She never once said she didn’t love her kid. She said she couldn’t BOND with him. People, especially W.O.M.E.N. needs to STOP being so damn cruel when someone COMES TO ‘US’, IN THIS GROUP, FOR HELP!! If you don’t have any advice or suggestions or just a plain ole “I’m sorry you’re going thru this, I’m sending you a hug”, then just shut the hell up already. She’s not a bad mom. She’s just a mother who needs some damn help!
To the OP, you can message me ANYtime you need someone to just shut the f*ck up & LISTEN. I am that person. I don’t have much more advice than what I’ve said, but I hope you find your answers babe. You WILL get thru this!!!
This is your choice. If you can’t handle it, you don’t have to. That doesn’t make you weak or a failure. You’re trying to do what’s best for both of you. My only concern is that if your ex treated you that bad, how do you think he will treat the baby? Is there any other family member able to take him? But as for signing your rights away, it’s not coming out of a place of selfishness. Don’t let anyone make you feel like a bad person for choosing your mental health.
The resentment is toward the fathers child and you are taking it out on this poor innocent child … Even though you had an IUD just as with any birth control it can fail … so even if you weren’t prepared to be a mother to another child , it was written in your plan … it basically just Sounds since you don’t like your ex and didn’t want to have the baby you don’t want anything to do with the child … you picked your ex and I’m sure there were Red flags before… your child Doesn’t need two unstable parents and it just makes it so wrong that the love /bond for your other children is stronger then this poor innocent child …
I’ve never had kids. Even though I’ve always wanted one, I just didnot get pregnant. I tried many different things to no avail. Then I was going to adopt a baby at one time and the women changed her mind and kept the baby she never wanted either. She never even called me that she changed her mind. And you had gotten such a precious gift. And you can’t seem to find the love that healthy baby needs. When so many other people can’t even have 1 child. It doesn’t seem fair. But that baby was given to you for a reason. To get pregnant despite having an IUD. Is rare. If you can’t find happiness in that boy. Then I say to give him up and find your peace in the fact you can make someone else very happy that’s always wanted a baby. And would shower him with love that you can’t give.
I definitely wouldn’t sign my rights over, but if you need more time away from him and he is safe, take it if that’s what you need. Sounds like ppd to me. I would find new counseling and go from there.
Maybe you should take some time out to bond with your youngest. Just you and him. The dad sounds like a #### and if he is like that to you then what is stopping him being like that to your son.
Dont give up!
As a person who was VERY CLEARLY the hated child while my two siblings were loved, get some help. Get into therapy. I cannot express enough how much I think that would have helped in my childhood. Sitting here imagining another child feel like I did as a kid… that breaks my heart. It’s very lonely.