That’s your decision. It’s very rude to have someone plan your shower for you then not come around or even talk to you. Especially since your pregnant as well and need to plan for your own baby. I would simply just ask her if she wants you to host the baby shower & go from there. If she does then you need to tell her she needs to be more involved.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I still host my friend's baby shower?
I wonder if she’s pulled back on baby prep because she’s afraid to lose this one too? And abusive partners isolate women on purpose. Continue to be there for her, as much as you can.
Sounds like she needs a friend. But remember, you can’t help those who are unwilling to help themselves. Take care of yourself first.
If he is abusive, maybe he is not allowing her to come around? Or not as much as she would like?
I’d follow through, since you already committed to do it, but then I’d hold back later and see if she comes through for you in the future before making any other efforts for her.
She needs you no matter the reason she pulled back have the party. Be a behind the scenes friend. She may need to reach out for help and don’t know how or she’s embarrassed.
Id follow through, i mean after all you did tell her youd throw her a baby shower. Maybe the guy shes with isnt allowing her to call or visit as often as she’d like. Have you tried talking tl her about how you feel?
I’d still consider doing it. She could be going through a hard time. I know this happened to me when I was pregnant and I was so low I couldn’t reach out and had very little support. It all made me shut down and I disassociated from my pregnancy and it was horrible. I needed help and support. That type of help helps the wellbeing on the mother and baby, even if things never repair between the 2 of you, that type of help won’t leave a bitter taste in your mouth.
He is most likely controlling her every move and that’s why you rarely hear from her. She needs a friend and I would help her out where you can but don’t stress yourself out also. Try to talk about it with her too and tell her how you feel and let her know you feel she has distanced herself and ask if she is ok and if she needs help in that situation alao
I would still do the baby shower u promised for her could she reason why she’s so distant you don’t no how she’s feeling about herself or anything maybe have a chat with her
If you know he’s abusive then just be there for her! Abusive men isolate their victims and pregnancy and leaving are the most dangerous times for a woman with an abusive man. If u haven’t been with an abusive man before than u don’t know what she’s going thru trust me. Most abusive men don’t even allow their victims to have a phone or be by themselves for very long either only time they do is if they need something where they know the victim can ask someone for something which is y u think she only comes around when she wants something. If u can’t b there now then end your friendship completely cause if u gonna turn your back on her while she’s pregnant and with an abusive man then u don’t even deserve to be around her or her child
Follow through…she needs you.
Such it up. Follow through. Who knows what SHE is going through behind the scene…AND maybe just maybe she’s waiting to see what else is needed, After the shower.
I’d definitely ask if she’s still wanting to do the babyshower since she’s been distant. And also let her know what you’re able to do and not do. Bf could be trying to distant her.
If you’re up to it, I’d do the baby shower since you previously committed. But you’re pregnant to & regardless no one can expect you to do more than you’re physically/mentally capable of doing. I understand she may need you if the boyfriend isn’t doing right by her, but again, your mental/physical health & pregnancy is just as important.
Maybe you should reach out more? Or at least more regularly. And not just to offer to do something for her, but invite her to a movie or lunch. But you can’t get upset and feel used when you offered to do things for her. Maybe ask her to help you with your shower too. If he’s really controlling he will try his best to isolate her
You sound like an amazing friend. I’m sorry you feel unappreciated, rightfully so. Just don’t take on too much if it’s affecting your pregnancy/health. Reuse anything you can from your shower. She ultimately chose this guy, for whatever reason, so you can only do, and be there, so much. All humans need to be accountable for their choices and decisions, and also realize how they effect those they claim to care for. Take care of yourself. Best wishes on your pregnancy.
I think you should still throw it for her, just so she knows she has your support and maybe the BF told her not to speak with you.
I got almost nothing for my baby until after the shower so I knew what I needed. Just because you do you differently doesn’t mean she’s doing anything wrong.
If you are feeling used chances are you are. You have enough on your plate without feeling as though you’re being treated like a door mat. It’s your choice if she’s having nothing to do with you, you aren’t going to lose out on anything by cancelling the shower. Let her family or another friend throw the shower. I went through people using and abusing me all of my life until I was 61 when I finally woke up and started to pull away from people that took me for granted. It was the best thing I ever did. Why would you want to surround yourself with toxic people?? You’re better than that and if friendship isn’t on equal ground then forget about it, you won’t be sorry.
I used be in a abusive marriage. Be there for her. She might not see it right now. I had no one to talk to after losing my son and a divorce. So have her best shower you can. Let her know that you are there. We often push away people, because the abuser usually makes them. We often forget not everything will always 50/50 . It sounds like your great friend. I just wanted to share what might have helped me. Good luck
Sorry to go off topic but please don’t connect someone being abusive with them being bipolar, the two have nothing to do with each other
I know how controlling an abusive partner can be. How isolated you feel.
Id try to keep contact if you can. You may be the only person that does and it helps to know theres someone got your back if you decide to run. She may not even realise how controlled she is yet…but eventually she will and she needs to know she has a friend
Have the baby shower…she may not be allowed money of her own …keep regular contact…preferably when you know he’s not around incase you make her situation worse.
If she is being abused…one day she will admit it
I’d still help. It’s for the baby. It also will help you keep tabs on the baby incase he is abusive to it once it’s born. She may need to maintain that line of communication.
I would still do the baby shower because you said you would but she needs to help as well. After the baby shower if you want to cut ties go for it. Unfortunately she will either realize how bad he is with all her friends gone and leave or she will stay. Not much you can .
From experience please stay try to help let her know you are still there. The abuse is real and she’s stuck I lost all my friends because of my abusing husband and nowhere to go when I had had enough .
I try to always be a woman of my word no matter the circumstance of the relationship. If I ever have to go back on it I give them an explanation. I was in an abusive relationship for 18 years and I can tell you that the best way for her to get out of it is with the help and support of those around her. She, and the baby, need you. You never know the situation of why she hasn’t been able to buy things, maybe he won’t let her? I would really plan a lunch and talk everything out and get on the same page. As with everything else, communication is key.
I’d stick with her coz it sounds like she is in a very controlling situation…she needs you mumma…
When you have a friend they should be your friend even after communication slows. I have a best friend who doesn’t talk to me much but I know she goes through her own things and I’m always there for her when she comes back. Being someone’s friend means loving them no matter what. If you feel used then don’t buy her things, instead just spend quality time together. To most that means alot more.
I’d still throw the shower, but I wouldn’t go over the top with it. I’d throw a nice, simple shower and see how she acts.
Her partner might be controlling her?
Stick woth doing the baby shower for her but stop getting her stuff for her baby, in away she not learning what it takes to be a parent and she will end up always relieing on someone else. Support her emotionally thats all you need to do.
Is it possible that her abusive boyfriend is causing her not to talk to you as much?
I think you should still have the shower for her. It’s possible she’s being the way she is bc of the abusive relationship…try talking to her as a friend and ask her what’s up?
I’m thinking she’s terrified of losing this baby too and doesn’t want to get her hopes up. She’s probably depressed thinking about the baby she lost & terrified about this one. Having an abusive baby daddy (sounds controlling, maybe he’s isolating her) certainly doesn’t help.
Sometimes people are used to being left or forgotten if someone says they will help, kinda like they don’t want to get their hopes up. Some new moms wait until the baby shower to then start buying stuff while others want to buy stuff right away, never know what the situation is. I think it’s nice to follow through with your offer but you have to take care of yourself too so if it’s too much maybe just do an alternative, lunch and a gift with you just you guys or find someone else willing to help and help set up but not do everything.
You’ve said he’s abusive. It’s going to get worse further along she is & even worse after baby is born. She’s not pushing you away on her own. He is. Abusers isolate their victims so they have nobody to turn to. Throw her a shower. Show her all the love & support you can. Don’t stop. Show him that he can’t isolate your friend. Give her moral support to go to a DV shelter or at least get counseling. If she doesn’t leave him it’s going to be harder when baby is born. He’s going to make her life a living hell.
Don’t do it. Walk away.
Throw a simple baby shower. Her partner might be controlling when she goes out or what she spends her money on if he has a past of being controlling and you are already expecting that he’s abusive.
well if you promised to do it, do it. If the relationship is gonna go south on you, at least you’re not the one that started the ball rolling
Sounds this like this is time she needs her friend the most, even if she isn’t as present as she used to be, if her boyfriend is how you have said there would be many reasons why this is the way it is. And that’s what happens when you are in a controlling or abusive relationship. But true friendship is not bailing bcoz you don’t see the person so much. Also not everyone stocks up for baby months in advance, just bcoz she doesn’t have everything yet doesn’t mean she doesn’t intend to get them.
She also might still be in "don’t get excited until it’s more real and tangible "mind set. She lost the first one, she probably has that in her mind along with everything else.
Sometimes when a friend is acting poorly is when they need you the most.
Go through with it. From the sounds if it, she is going to need a good friend.