Should I stop speaking to my ex for my fiance?

This has nothing to do with being a mama but, I need advice ladies. I knew this guy since I was 16. We tried dating off and on but it just didn’t work. We were better off friends. We could go a year without talking and if I needed something he was always right there. Well, I always quit talking to him when I would have a boyfriend I just didn’t want to upset my boyfriend. Fast forward 2 years I have been with my fiancé now for 2 years, we have a house and are raising 5 kids. I would still keep in touch with my ex-boyfriend but it was always hey how’s it going etc and that was it. Well, 2 days ago he got into a bad car accident and could have died. I went to go see him in the ICU yesterday. My fiancé did not care but doesn’t want me hanging out with him! Now I feel that I should continue our friendship and hang out here and there! Life is just too short and I could have lost him in a blink of an eye!! I have never given my fiancé a reason not to trust me! My question is what do you all think? Think I should continue my friendship with my ex no matter what my fiancé says or do you think I just discontinue our friendship again because I’m in a new relationship??

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Smh seem like the ex getting more respect…if u can respect ur new relationship please leave the man to find somone who will respect him…its not about trust here he was an ex its about respect…hi an bye isnt good enough …u wanna hang out smfh.

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No need to end the friendship. Your fiance trusts you. Its not like you went to a party with your ex. You went to see him after a bad accident. Invite him to hang out with the both of you. Maybe once your fiance gets to know your friend better, he wont be so weird about it

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Well my husband does the same he never want to stop talking to his trash…but your fiancé comes first and if they don’t want you interacting with the person why should you respect your partner and their opinions

The majority of my friends are male. If my husband told me I cant hang out with a friend because they are a guy I’d tell him to piss off. People can have friends of the opposite sex.

Incorporate your visits with both present, at first. If at all possible. Might ease your current relationship, gain respect for your long time friend. And they may become friends…who knows

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Continue the friendship. Would you stop if it was a woman ? No ! Your fiance has to get over the fact it is a male friend. Never let anyone control you. Life is short. True friends are rare. Introduce him to your fiance and all of you hang out.

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Bring him home. If is nothing to hide is going to be ok. Maybe he have a girlfriend? Lunch in a Sunday?

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Continue your friendship no matter what

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If your fiancé and you trust each other than by all means keep your friendship! If it’s as platonic as you say I see no big deal or harm in it at all. And besides if you wanted to be with the guy you would be but you chose friendship not a relationship. So I say continue the friendship because life’s too short and true friends are so valuable!

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I hope all of u women who sayin dont end the friendship have no problem with ur man callin an textin an hangin out with his ex girl friend. Smh

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You fiance needs to grow up. His insecurities are not yours and he just needs to figure it out himself.

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That’s a rough situation however your fiancee should trust you and shouldn’t get in the way if your friendship if it’s truly nothing. God forbid you and your fiance split and you’ve released your friend, then you’d have to go back and apologize. I’ve been thru it, keep your friend bc I’m sure ge has female friends as well. Just be honest as you’ve been

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5 kids and he’s still a fiance? Sounds like you have more important issues to consider.

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Any man who tells you who you can and cannot be friends with doesn’t trust you and doesn’t deserve you.

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You still have feelings… i think you should reevaluate what YOU really want.

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Nuetral friendships shouldn’t be a threat with opposite sex friends 30 yrs married n both of us have friends we’ve grown up knowing opposite sexes n there’s no more than just friends talk if younger yrs school neighborhood memories ,

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If you have kids with him there is no reason why you cant be civil with him. Its so much easier on children. Nothing wrong there. But i wouldnt be talk pals. You have to draw the line somewhere. Keep in touch my friend

The depth of the friendship from you has been filled. Your fiance is uncomfortable, let it go for the moment. When he’s home and healing, go visit him once, cuz you guys have a lengthy relationship. But CONSTANTLY could look different to your fiance than what you’re seeing.

I’m friends with almost every man I’ve ever called my boyfriend. No one is allowed to tell me who can be my friend.

You don’t end your friendships for a man or woman iv learned the hard way

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Nobody should control who you’re friend’s with. Your fiance should trust you. If not your relationship is already over. Invite them to hang out together. They’ll probably end up friend’s as well. Especially if they both care about you.

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If your ex was so much of a good friend, why did you break up? And once you are in a new relationship why keep talking to an ex? An ex is an ex for a reason. There is a difference between just friends and friends that have messed around.

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I’m confused.
If your fiance trusts you then why did he tell you that he doesn’t care but to not hang out with this friend? Is he meaning for you to end the friendship? Have you talked with your fiance about this? I feel like he really does care and that there are underlying issues that are not being addressed.

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Stay friends but just dont go overboard

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If you have slept with him, continuing to see him is a problem. I know I wouldn’t want my partner spending time with someone they used to sleep with

Yeah a friend is different then an ex boyfriend. You shouldnt expect your new guy to be okay with it. Especially since u dated this friend before. Consider his feelings. Thats my opinion.

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? If this was just a long time friend of the opposite sex that’s one thing but an ex that’s a whole other situation. I don’t speak to my ex out respect for my husband. He didn’t ask me not to I chose not to, he’s an ex for a reason. If you said yes to your fiance you plan on spending your life with him then you need decide what is more important.

As long as you are ok with him keeping in touch his x girlfriends

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Well you’re a pretty crappy friend for starters. You don’t end a friendship just because you get a boyfriend.

So I understand where the fiancée is coming from. You’re all of a sudden concerned over this old fling of yours because of an accident.
The friendship should have never ended. I’d be weirded out too if it just randomly picked back up.

Good luck picking and
Choosing. Is your relationship worth putting on the line for this so called friend?

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Sounds like you still have feelings

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Your fiance is jealous. He sees the love between you and your ex and doesn’t understand that it’s never going to be more than friends. Also guys can’t stand other guys who have or may have seen their gf naked. I wouldn’t stop being friends but you have to have a conversation with your fiance and see if you can’t bring this friendship together too, or at least tolerance.

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Continue your friendship, I have had a guy friend from age 13 up… We quit talking from time to time but if we need to talk we are there for each other… I have 8 kids and 9 grandkids… my hubby don’t care for him and vice versa, but they tolerate each other bc of our friendship.

Think of it this way, what if your fiancé text his ex gf and talk time to time. What would you feel?

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I gave up my friends for my mate’s comfort only to discover much later he didn’t do the same. Once you cut people off, you lose the relationship so understand this. If you do decide to let go of the friendship, things will never be the same between you two not even years later.

No! My husband and I argue often over my ex we were together for 18 years. It took years for us to get to where we are now but he is my friend. I think more of his family than I do most of my own.

In a word: No.

Fiancé needs to get right with their own jealousy and insecurity.

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You are gonna get answers all over the place on this one. Mine is this…my husband is NOT gonna be hanging out with an ex without me. I won’t be doing that neither. It is out of respect for the most important relationship here which is the one my husband and I are in together. I don’t know if being unmarried would make a difference to me but again, that’s just me. It seems you already live as a married couple anyway. We need to remember that even though there could possibly be nothing more to read in to it, the fact that it bothers the fiancee should be taken in to consideration and discussed. Why the sudden concern? Is she giving off a vibe that something is going on? Two simple words: FULL DISCLOSURE

Involve you new guy in the friendship. The 3 of you hang out

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If a man whom has zero reason not to trust u is trying to control who u r friends with it is a red flag to me. My ex did that to me. Then after we got married he started to systematically remove all of my friends and even family from my life. He said i didnt need them, only him. In the end he ended up being very abusive to me and i had nobody to turn to. Granted not all men go to that extreme but to me if that is happening, run and run fast

My partners friends with someone he was sleeping with at one point I have chats with her and recommended a dress she should wear… If you trust each other it isn’t an issue

Both of u shouldn’t be friends with ex’s it only causes issues

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How would you feel if the roles were reversed???:woman_shrugging:t4::woman_shrugging:t4::woman_shrugging:t4: Respect your man and your current relationship that’s noy just a friend it’s a ex and honestly feels like comes across some lingering feelings still there

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I would continue the friendship

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Include your fiance’

I would say no bc its someone that u have known since a teenager. I dint get why ppl are saying that you still have feelings for him in an inappropriate way bc your going to have love for someone tgat you have known that long! Im not in love w an ex of mine but he was pivotal in my life for a long time, i will always have love and care about him, if he was hurt i would go see him. I wouldnt go out w him alone just so thar accusations couldnt fly bc i respect my marriage.

Wow… I dont see how your fiance is cool with you being friends… theres a difference in having Male friends and having an ex as a friend

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You’re fiancé and family come first. That is where you sleep at night, and that is your future.

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If handled correctly, is it POSSIBLE that the two of them could be friends too? That would solve a lot

Perhaps you should wish your ex well, but say goodbye for the sake of your current situation. It’s like you still have the door open for him to come back. It makes your current man uncomfortable. Be respectful of your current relationship. An ex is an ex for a reason.

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Respect your relationship. Your fiance is helping you raise 5 children. It didn’t work out with your ex and there’s a reason for that. Leave it at that and do the right thing for your families sake.

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You are old enough to puck your friends!! Does your fiance talk to any of his ex’s?

“I could have lost him in a blink of an eye.” Wow, you say that as if he belongs to you. You are being very unfair to your current fiance. Be fair to your current fiance and leave him be to find a woman that would love, cherish and honor him like he deserves.

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You don’t need male friends period. Your family should always come first. You should have enough respect and love for your partner to honor his wishes, not because you have to but because you want to. It’s not an unruly request. A grown woman doesn’t need guy friends, it’s very immature.

5 kids and no ring? I am sorry no man choose my friends and neither will I choose his.

It sounds like you still have lingering feelings.

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Yeah… no. You need to respect your fiancee. Honestly I wouldn’t date a man who was still “best friends” with his ex.

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No he’s been your friend for years !

I don’t know it seems like you have lingering feelings for your ex. I think you need to sit down and think really long and hard about what you’re doing

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NO! You visited him once, that is enough to pay your respects.

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Friends always are included in my life. Even over my man. I’m not giving up a life time relationship with a friend for a man ever unless I’m give him a reason to not trust me. Invite him to meet him and yall all become friends.

This isn’t a “new” relationship 🤦 it’s 2 whole years, 5 kids, and a freaking engagement later! Exes are exes sorry. If your fiance doesn’t care about harmless texts here n there but doesn’t like you hanging out with him then don’t. Maybe include your fiance in the hanging out and if he’s unwilling ask him to explain why. Is it purely control? Cuz that’s a red flag. If not and hes just uncomfortable because he was an ex that’s understandable and you have a decision about who is more important to you. You also have kids in the middle. Saying “you almost lost him” is honestly freaky and weird if hes “just a friend”. I don’t blame your fiance.

I Don’t See Why You Still Have Contact With Ex If You Dont Have Children With Him That Right There Would Give Me A Reason Not To Trust You …

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It depends on what is more important to you. Me? I’d loose the fiance. Mainly because he obviously doesn’t trust you. I would never drop a friend for a man.

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I mean hes your ex… Theres obviously chemistry there etc. I wouldnt want my man talking to his ex let alone hang out. Friends or “friends” as you say… Nope.

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go with the one you Love-you will lose other-if he had ole girlfriend would you care if he hung out with her-let one go -keep one

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Make him a part of your family, he’s your baby daddy him and his current so with your fiancee and the kid(s) can get along I’ve seen it happen

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I feel like you should respect your significant others wishes and not hang out with him but that doesn’t mean you can’t ever check in through texts or phone calls and get caught up on each other’s lives. Be a good friend from a distance. What if your significant other wanted to hang out with an ex girlfriend that he has known since they were kids, would you feel the same as you do about you hanging with your ex or would it upset you too?

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I mean…I can see why hes upset. :woman_shrugging:t2: you obviously had/have feelings for the ex.

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Yep, put yourself in his position. And imagine how you may feel.

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I would have a serious talk with your fiance. Just because the guy is an ex doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends. And it’s not cool to just drop friends because of a significant other, even if you did date.

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I almost lost my fiancè for being cool with ex’s. When we talked about it & let me know he was uncomfortable with it, I cut them off. I respected our relationship and him too much to lose him.

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Reverse the roles. Would you be okay with this?

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If there’s trust then there shouldn’t be a problem. For men and women if there is no trust your relationship won’t work. Also put your self in shoes would you care. It wouldn’t bother me. Both my husband and I have male and female friends from our past. But we both have trust in each other.

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Your last sentence says a lot. If you think of your fiancé as “just a new relationship” and not your forever then I’d say let the poor guy go. I think it’s obvious you have feelings for this ex. You just want your cake and to eat it too.

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“You could have lost him”???..:thinking::zipper_mouth_face: just your way and play on those words tells me…you’re looking for an excuse to be around him.:yum: might want to rethink your approach and maybe your life.:thinking:

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Id stop talking to the ex if u dont have kids with him. Respect ur Finances wishes. I stopped talking to people i grew up with because it made my husband uncomfortable

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Harry cutting his family for Megan and you carnt ditch the ex :see_no_evil::rofl:

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I wouldn’t want my husband going to see an ex-girlfriend or texting and all that crap. At some point there was chemistry for you to date him. I think that’s just asking for an issue to arise.

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Would you care if it was your fiancee who was hanging out with his ex girlfriend? There’s no reason honestly to make him uncomfortable when your not even married yet. Sounds like you still have feelings for him. My ex would give me all the excuses in the world to talk to his ex and it caused a lot of trust issues. Why create this problem?

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I’m friends with an ex I had before my man now. Been with my man now for 11yrs, and still friends with the ex. BUT I never ever see this person IN person. It’s respect for my man. I can talk to the friend, still honor that, but keep it respectful to my man.
Cuz just like you wouldn’t want him hanging out with females…he doesn’t want you around other males. Friends or not. Esp not one you’ve been intimate with.
If your man has an issue…then it’s time to choose.
Friend or fiance?
Time to choose.

Which relationship holds the most value to you? I personally don’t stay friends with my exes. Only you know your heart and what it wants you to hold on to. If it was me, the man I’m gonna marry and see myself with when I’m old and grey, i would choose him. I would choose him and my children every time.

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No you shouldn’t jeopardize your relationship with your fiancé, that should be first priority. I’d keep my x as a friend from a distance. No hanging out. I don’t think you’d like it if your fiancé was hanging out with his x but I’m sure you’d prolly tolerate hellos here n there. So it’s pretty simple

“you could have lost him” he isn’t yours to lose! You need to leave your fiance cause you obviously have feelings for this other guy Nd your fiance deserves someone who would put him first in a blink of an eye over her ex

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If you share no children together, no reason to be friends. Hit up here or there? Fine. As long as you’re not hiding anything that’s ok but hanging out and seeing each other- if you’re man is uncomfortable, he’s uncomfortable and it shouldn’t happen. Who’s more important to you?

Imagine if it was reversed, how would you feel? You’d be ok with him hanging and talking to his ex that he deeply cares for they just weren’t good together when they were younger?

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It’s me who would feel uncomfortable in your postion

Is there a reason you can’t all hang out together?

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TAKES MATURITY! Your fiance needs to be mature about the situation and be fine with it, you can’t erase a long friendship regardless whether you had sex with that person. To many times insecurity gets in the way when it shouldn’t… you guys should ALL hangout together!

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I’d talk about it, make some boundaries and live up to them. Nothing wrong with being friends with an ex- not if everyone is grown and trusting enough…

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The fact that you’re considering doing this behind your Fiance’s back, speaks volumes…say less.

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My husband and I don’t tell each other who we can and can’t see. That’s not a relationship, that’s being possessive. If it’s an ex and he’s uncomfortable just ask him to join you because you dint want to lose him as a friend but you want him to be comfortable too.

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I talk to some of my exes. But I never stopped talking to them and then started. That may be a red flag for him. If it bothers your fiancé this much then you need to respect that

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If it “never worked out” and you tried dating off an on, why would you even consider him an ex? You guys were and still are friends. If he was only considered a friend, there wouldn’t be a problem. But your Fiancè comes first, period. He’s the one taking care of you and raising a family with you. Not the “ex”. Accident or not, you would always have a reason to still talk to him or be around him. Let that :mango:. Respect your man.

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You could have lost him? Naw girl you still got feeling for him and want to keep him at arms reach

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I’ve been with my fiance for almost 6 years and I still talk to my ex. Actually I have a few ex’s on my Facebook. Just because it’s an ex doesn’t mean you can’t be friends.

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Yep
No explanation needed really

Girl you’ll be married soon! Leave ex’s where they should be in the past. Respect your soon to be husband you use to sex this guy!! :roll_eyes::roll_eyes: some questions shouldn’t be asked. Common sense should tell you. How would you feel if it was vice versa?

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You’re allowed to have friends.

Anyone who says otherwise needs a smack to the back of their head.

I’m still friends with my ex fiancé and my current boyfriend is fine with it because he KNOWS I can be friends with whoever I want to be. Because he doesn’t own me and he never will. He trusts me to not cheat, and I will not break that trust.

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“you could of lost him” sounds like you want to be with him. Is he yours to keep? If you do not have kids with him there is no reason to talk to an ex. Have a little respect for your fiance or leave him cause you want to be with the other guy.

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Exes gotta go. Sorry. You should respect ur fiance’s wishes. I know I do. I weeded out everyone he disliked

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