Send a message to her with the kids, something little like mommy said if you need to be safe come home with us, or even a note that only she would notice! If you and her get on well, get her out of there
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Why only your daughter?
Just know if ur son sees it he is more likely to be abusive and if your daughter sees it she’s more likely to be abused seeing a parent and witnessing there partnership is where there relationships will be based on
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Please, please talk to her, if she is unaware of yours and his past, you may be her ticket out. But firstly, do not let those babies go back 
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Don’t let them go back there, reach out to her and be supportive
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Speaking of experience here ,please do not allow Ur babies go where you know there is domestic violence ,protect Ur babies Ur their mother and you have a duty to protect them ,Ur children should not be his girlfriend’s comforter ,they are children ,if she’s not doing anything about the violence please do it urself ,remove Ur children untill he atleast gets anger management counselling and his behaviour changes
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I talk to me ex's new girlfriend? - Mamas Uncut
I think you need to talk to her without your ex knowing and tell her you went through the same thing and itll only get worse
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I’m sorry but forget her, you need to get your kids out of that toxic environment NOW! Children will grow up thinking that behavior is ok and he could turn on the kids too. You need to contact the courts immediately and get them out. The gf is an adult and can make her own decisions. Your kids cant
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I’d ask her if she wants to go get coffee or lunch — somewhere away from your ex, preferably not in the house — and let her know your kids have told you some things that mirrored what you went through with your ex and you’re concerned about her and wanted to see if she was ok — obviously if he’s repeating the same pattern with her she isn’t ok, but putting it out there that there are similarities, she might open up.
The conversation might not go anywhere but she may open up to you in the future if she needs someone to talk to.
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Talk she needs a shoulder your kids going over there into another environment like that they dont need that she dont need that
I would be reaching out at a time that she’s not around the boyfriend.
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Push for complete custody, offer to let her.come stay with you and she could be a witness in court. As long as he has a woman in his life this will keep happening in front of them. You can’t save all of his gfs but you can help.this one and stop your babies from seeing it.
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Unfortunately most of the time any warning coming from the ex/bm will be taken as either bm is bitter or trying to cause problems.
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I can’t believe your allowing your kids around that abuse. She’s grown. She can get away from him. Your kids need to come first. It pisses me off reading shit like this. Get your kids away from him til he gets the help he needs. Smh
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Here’s your choice as hard as it is. Save the girlfriend or your kids? Which one will you choose. At this point your kids will already have learnt survival mode and by the read of it they are also trying to protect the girlfriend. Honestly please protect your kids ,my kids have gone through this l knew no better,your setting your kids up for toxic relationships as adults if you don’t protect them now.its not ok
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Talk to her without ex there. Maybe she needs help getting away? U can totally still let her in kids life and them not be together.
Also get court started maybe he needs supervised visitation kids do not need to be seeing this
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First off hats off to you that you work so well with your ex’s gf. Absoultely talk to her, your kids are worried and you sound worried since you get along so well. If she loves your kids like you say then she wouldnt want them seeing or hearing anything either.
Unfortunately the GF might see it as an overstep and things may become worse if you intervene. In a good world I would say yes, absolutely reach out. But the reality is that she will probably think you are trying to come between them and become bitter or deem you as a crazy ex. I dont have any good advice. You do what you feel you need to because after all, your babies are involved in this and as a momma you need to do what you feel is necessary. I’m just speaking from a different point of view… I was reached out to by my children’s fathers exs all the time and I always said they were just jealous or whatever and honestly it was because of the manipulation I faced every single day. Your heart is in the right place though and I commend you for wanting to do the right thing. Its just going to be hard either way.
Talk to her but let her make the decisions etc. Don’t push just let her know you are there for her and let her she can still have some contact with kids even if they split up. Some women get invested in the kids and worry they will never see them and it can be a stopping point for leaving or seeking help.
I would talk to his new girlfriend and let her know you are there if she needs help to get away from him (if you are comfortable with that). Plus I wouldn’t let my kids go back there without supervise visitation to be on the safe side.
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Id walk straight in n blast him for being disrespectful in front of kids. Even if I didn’t like her …
He shouldn’t be behaving that way around the kids or to anyone full stop…
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I would talk to her, let her know the reason you left. Then let her make her own decision on whether to leave or stay.
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Ik one thing my kids definitely would not be going over there. As long as you have proof he’s abusive then you shouldn’t have an issue in court. As for her, that’s honestly her issue. It would be a kind thing to reach out to her tho and see if she wants to get away. I wouldn’t put yourself at risk just to help another tho. Like letting her stay or giving her money.
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i would leave kids with a sitter and confront the dirtbag in front of his girlfriend and let him know if it continues,which it will he wont be getting the kids again! Then see a lawyer about having court ordered counseling for him before he can take them again. guys like that see no issues with their behavior and blame everyone else. If you talked to her and she did leave,then what? Are you going to be there for all his future girlfriends? his behavior didnt change when the mother of his children moved out, what makes you think that will do any good. i was an abused woman, i knew it wasnt right but i was scared too. when i did leave it was while he was at work and i left everything but clothes behind.
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Move the girlfriend in ur house. Full custody
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I’d put your son I therapy too. Can’t hurt and it’s just as important. I’d talk to her if you get along. This isn’t your fault it’s his.
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Consult a lawyer but do not be giving the abusive ex warnings of what is to come. Is this 50/50 agreement mutual or court ordered? If it’s mutual do NOT let them go back. If it’s court ordered I suggest going to court first before talking anything with her.
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Always protect your kids and other women. Talk to her and let her know your story and she has a safe place with you. If she is good with the kids you could also tell her she can continue to see them even if she leaves.
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I know it’s far easier said than done, but do everything you can to get your children away from him.
Your children are growing up in an abusive home. Just because he’s a “good dad” and loves his kids, doesn’t mean that he’s not hurting them in other ways.
These are children who are taking on adult responsibilities by comforting and caring for your ex’s new girlfriend. I feel bad for her situation, but she’s an adult, and your children need you.
I watched my dad scream at my mom and beat on her for years. No child deserves to grow up with that.
I wish you and your children the best, as well as the new girfriend. She doesn’t deserve to live in an abusive home either.
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Maybe she is only staying because of the kids. Because she has built a bond with them. Honestly time to step up the game and pull the 50/50 away from him and maybe do weekend visit and talk to the gf If your that close with her let her know she can still come see the kids at your house and visit with them. But it’s time to protect the kids. I waited to long but thought my kids were still young my 10 yr old was diagnosed at 9 with ptsd and depression from the things he saw his father had done and still got put through until I filed a restraining order. My son sadly has been hospitalized 4 times now for black out episodes and goes through extensive therapy
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Let her know your there for her if she ever needs a chat, Sounds like u both have had similar issues and would be able to relate really well,
I’m sorry but he cannot be a good father if he’s not showing his kids how to love properly.
Especially your daughter. She’s not going to search for love based on how he treats her rather on how she has seen him treat women.
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Our children should always come 1st . Apparently you need to protect them . That’s our job as parents . Best wishes !
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Honestly, I don’t think you should at this moment. It could make things more complicated for you, her, and your little ones. Therapy is good, for everyone involved, and you should talk with an attorney about your best options.
My suggestion: just tell her what the kids have said & tell her you’re there for her if she needs you. Counseling for the kids for sure
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Yes, reach out and offer her a safe space.
I know you say he’s a good dad but exposing his children to abusive behaviour toward a partner isn’t good… please consider supervised contact only
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He’s not a good dad. A good dad sets a good example for his children.
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Get custody agreement changed. Kids shouldn’t be around abusive people regardless of how they parent it sets them up 4 bad relationships in the future. Get her help. Remember u can only help those that want 2 help themselves. Goodluck momma
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take your kids out of that situation . tell the girlfriend leave him she deserves better an she has no kids to him RUN
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Children do not do what you tell them they do what what they see on a daily basis. If you do not nip this in the butt your daughter will grow up and be with a man like her dad and your son will be a man like his dad. It’s not a choice you have to act now or regret later.
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Put your foot down, do not let your kids continue to witness this behavior. I’m sorry I would never allow my kids around this behavior good dad or not. Hes teaching them horrible behaviors I wouldn’t be as much worried about the gf as I would about what my kids are enduring.
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Stop them from seeing their dad immediately. The children don’t need to see what he does to her. They also won’t ever forget. He is not a good father at all. It will only get worse.
Also don’t say anything to the girlfriend, it will make things worse. She has to see what he is like for herself and make her own choices
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I would talk to gf, she just might need some help…I would help her or any woman/man that is in a DV situation. She is also important to your kids. Protect kids and help her if you can.
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Protect your children now!! pull them away from there father,they shouldn’t be seeing any of this…You say that your close to the girlfriend then invite her round on her own…And explain to her what your children are seeing and help her get out of this abusive relationship,even if it means her staying with you until she sorts herself out!! No child deserves to be around this violence and neither does his girlfriend deserve to be going through it…
Don’t let another women be destroyed by this man…
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I talk to me ex's new girlfriend? - Mamas Uncut
Sounds like he needs counseling and supervised visitation with your kids until he gets the help he needs
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My opinion BOTH of your children need to be in counseling. There is also nothing wrong with telling your ex’s new GF your experience then wrapping up with kids talk my door is open if you need to talk.
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Sounds like you need to talk to their dad. Tell him if he can’t act like he has some sense then they won’t be over there anymore. They can still see him, just supervised and in public. Seeing that type of behavior is so damaging to children.
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You need to go back to the courts and tell them he is being emotionally abusive to the children and ask for full custody because of it. At least until he gets court ordered help (Counciling/therapy) for being a domestic abuser. I grew up with my father being abusive to my mom my whole life and would hug and hold my mom while she cried as young as I can remember. It really messed with me mentally and emotionally and it effected my whole life. Children rather be from a broken home than in one. I wish my mom would of left when I was born. You are teaching your daughter that it is okay for men to treat women like that. Please protect your children from him. This is not normal and it is not okay. I wouldn’t even bring it up to his poor girlfriend. What can she do about it?? Obviously, she’s powerless to stop it, or she would have already. I wouldn’t mention it to him either. He’s not going to magically change without professional help. He’s an abuser.
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If you dont want your daughter to think this acceptable behavior from a man or your son to think this is how you treat a woman then you need to step in! This is learned behaviour! If it were me I would straight up approach their father and discuss what the children are telling you,and how they feel about it and the fact they feel the need to comfort the girlfriend. I would also talk to an attorney to see what your options are until this man gets help. Now that you know what’s happening if you dont act then you are responsible as well for letting them be in a toxic abusive environment. The environment you yourself had to get them and yourself out of…do whatever it takes.
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Document and date everything keep all text messages use it so it can be used at mediation or if you have to go to court.
I would approach her if she is also caring for your children with your ex you need to explain to her what your son has said and it is concerning you that your ex hasnt changed and your worried about hers and your childrens well fair, I would also being speaking to a laywer and calling child first for best advice.
Family violence doesnt stop while staying/interacting with the offender and things can rapidly worsen
https://services.dffh.vic.gov.au/child-first-and-family-services
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You need a very good attorney and if is legal find a way to record what he is doing.
Never allow your children with emotionally, verbally or physically people!
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Stop access straight away. Tell him you know whats going on and untill he seeks help then the children will not be going. Also seek legal advice
As the girl in this situation years ago please message her, be discreet, ask if she can meet for coffee or say one of the kids left something and see if she can swing it by (alone) if it wasn’t for my ex’s baby momma reaching out to me I’d be dead. I just kept making excuses for how I was being treated and finding ways to justify it.
As to your kids plz follow all the LEGAL channels for your state to get supervised visitations, or visitations that require a grandparent or something to be present. Unfortunately kids are sponges and if they are old enough to make those types of comments they are old enough to remember these experience.
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No - just let her express ( in theapy ) - if worth it cps will call in. You have no control what happens in their home.
Have a conversation with her you owe her that much. You can tell her what the kids have told you. You can tell her that’s why you left. You can tell her how much the kids love her and how much you appreciate her for being the good coparent she is. For you it’s a good feeling to know it’s not you but it’s a horrible feeling to know he didn’t learn from you leaving and obviously he is not capable of change. She doesn’t deserve to go through what you went through when you have the knowledge to enlighten her. Now what she does with that information is completely up to her but she may have his version of events on why you left and I guarantee you it’s not the same version as yours.
Now she may be stuck especially if they are living together and she may need help to get out and that’s where you can step up. For sure I would take the kids out if the visitation rotation for now they don’t need more trauma in their lives. Maybe being denied seeing his kids will help with some changes. Good luck.
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you must do whats right for your kids and their sanity and well being
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Tell him the kids is coming home telling you he is being ugly to his girlfriend and ask him to please watch how he acts around them …that is not too much to ask for
My husband left and he was in the far country for many months. He came home for a time, telling me it was just for the kids, that he felt nothing for me when he told me this statement i cried . Although i still held on what, Dr Anetor told me all day every day, he left again 48hrs i signed divorce papers and signed for an apartment. But God!
One night i had a knock on the door. Something suddenly happened! my husband came home! Last night he told me he still loved me. We still have work to do but all thanks to Dr Anetor he is so faithful with his words for bringing himback to me. I am indeed grateful. please contact Dr anetor if you need help about your relationship, problems.
email:
[email protected]
Talk to your attorney ASAP
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I talk to me ex's new girlfriend? - Mamas Uncut
He’s not a good dad if he abuses women, verbally or otherwise. Especially in front of his kids.
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Letting him around your kids teaches your daughter to expect to be abused and your son how to treat women. You need sole custody.
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I think you should reach out to her you both are adults and it’s shouldn’t get out of hand and if it does you Will know that on your end you Tried to look out for your babies AND her
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No cap i think you should let her know that you like her & support her all the way but i wouldnt talk about their relationship for boundary reasons & (when it comes to your daughter) for trust reasons because you dont know how theyll react with her about it & if she goes to counselling like you said you have documentation of her words & also they can help you with recources for guiding your children through & out of that environment. You should really be proud though… you seem to be really thinking about & putting the effort into the welfare of your kids & that really is all it takes to be a good parent. Life isnt always good or always bad… but take it from someone whose been there it makes a huge difference having parents that are trying theyre best to be their best for you. Youre a good mom i can tell❤
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She might be your new best friend. The most supportive women in my life I’ve met through exes. Be sweet to her, she probably needs it
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What you should absolutely do is keep your children from the same environment in which you removed them from. Same thing, just a different woman going through. Kids don’t need that type of trauma. So sorry this is the situation.
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My children removed themselves from their dads life. As they knew it wasn’t good. He is repeating the same with his current GF and she stays knowing why I left him. My boys are safe thats all that matters.
And they know the difference.
You can’t help people if they are happy to stay in toxic abusive relationships.
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You know what to do! Get yourself lawyered up and get full custody. You don’t have to stop them from seeing their dad….but you need to be aware that they will learn toxic relationship behaviours from you both. Him for being abusive and your for allowing it to continue.
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Talk to him explain that’s why you left. It’s going to cause mental distress and future problems to your kids. It’s your job to protect them. Tell him if he’s going to do it around your kids they won’t be allowed there. He can’t deny it cause he did it to you.
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A lot of you commenting have never had to deal with family court when it comes to an abuser and it shows. She can take it to court all she wants. He’s not directly hurting the kids so unless this Judge truly knows and understands domestic violence and how it affects children, she won’t get sole custody.
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The only thing you can do is just be honest with her and tell her that you went through what she’s going through; and if she needs anyone to talk to, you’re there for her.
And ask her to protect the kids when the ex gets violent, to make sure they go to their rooms, so they don’t see him hit her.
I think she would understand if you don’t want your babies around that. She sounds like she would understand anyways especially if she loves them like you say. Explain to her the way you did on your post.
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This is my fear for my son my ex has no respect for woman and I’d hate to see him see the abuse
Break that cycle and get a lawyer involved. An abuser can turn extreme, very quickly. Those kids will already have to deal with what they have seen; dont let it be any worse
I would let her know what the kids are saying and that if she needs anyone to talk to or help her that you know what it’s like and you are there for her.
That is not a good man or a father do not send those kids back,thats abuse if u do send them back knowing what u know thats not ok.
Your ex is not good dad! If he can subject his children to the trauma of watching him abuse another person he’s a monster. You need to protect your kids. They should not be watching this or be put in the position of comforting an abused adult. Knowing this and allowing it to continue makes you responsible as well.
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I think counseling is a good choice… As long as she is open and honest, therapists are mandated reporters and should be reporting domestic violence to child services… It wouldn’t hurt to reach out to his girlfriend and just let her know you are there for her if she needs to talk or needs help getting away from him… Ultimately it could save her life if she feels she has you as an outlet if things get really bad
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Watching him be abusive is harmful to them. They’re either going to repeat it or seek the treatment if you don’t stop him from being around them. They’re kids. They need to be protected. You need sole custody and let them work out a relationship with him when they’re adults and not impressionable.
There’s not much you can do. Chances are, she’ll relay whatever you say, to your ex. And then you’ll have to deal with that. I’ve been through this exactly. With my ex. He was mentally and emotionally and verbally abusive to me. I’ve heard him treat his gf, and heard things he’s done or said to her, that was exactly like he was with me. But, just like he used to have with me, he’s got so much control over her, she’ll tell him everything. Like you, until she’s ready to leave, she won’t. Talk to your kids. Let them know that isn’t right. Put them in counseling. My kids are older and notice things. And chose to only go visit him once in a while now
Maybe she needs to hear that. Definitely don’t let the kids back into that environment and maybe the gf needs help out. Oh and it sounds like you have some great kids, that’s sweet of them trying to comfort her but they shouldn’t be hearing and seeing their dad being a douche
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Help her. You just might be saving her life.
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Kids can’t go anymore to dads until he behaves . You need to talk to dumb girlfriend before it’s too late !! Seems you are afraid of your ex . That’s why he behaves ugly cause you and his now girlfriend permit it . Tell her to get out of there . He needs to be treated as the dog he is . 
First get ur.kids away from that file for sole custody and talk to the gf tell her ur there for her if she ever needs anything
U might be the only person she could trust !!! Don’t let her stay in this situation !!
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My abusive ex doesn’t see my kids… Abuse doesn’t happen to just one person.
I will NEVER understand this idea of giving men 50/50 custody.
I feel like you are obligated to tell her. Idk. I always warned my abusive/narcissistic POS ex boyfriends new girfriends.
I wouldn’t get involved.
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Get your kids away from him. If he is subjecting them to that way of life he isnt as good as a father as you think. Maybe your act of bravery will give her the power to leave her situation.
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Can your kids bring something up to the dad, like Dad why do you talk to her like that? Maybe dad isn’t realizing what he’s doing is affecting the kids. Or the kids can say that makes them sad when they hear daddy talking like that to her. Not sure how old your kids are or if they feel comfortable saying that to their dad.
I am not sure what kind of relationship you have with the woman, but maybe you can send a little note to her or speak to her and just tell her what the kids have been noticing, and that you know and you went through it and if she ever wants to talk. And just leave it like that. Don’t give her any advice don’t tell her to leave, just let her know you are a safe zone even though that you are the ex
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He’s not going to change. The biggest problem will come when they try to leave.
Put your son in consulting to .
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She will have to leave on her own terms just like you did. In my case… I went from a physically abuse relationship to a verbally abusive. It kind of becomes a pattern. She will have to leave on her own, in her own time. Maybe tell her something like “ I know What it’s like to live with him and people like him don’t change.” I’d tell your ex that if he wants to still pull the same shit he did with you that he better not act that way I’m front of your kids. Maybe when she leaves, you could offer to let her stay in their lives.
A dad who abuses women is NOT a good dad, no matter how “well” he treats his children
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Take your kids out of the situation. That’s not healthy for them to see. If he wants to see his kids make him get help. Also tell the girlfriend you’re a safe place for her, and that you understand what she’s going through.
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I’d take your children out of the situation but then let her know that listen I needed to do this to protect my children, as you did the first time. If she inquires further then I would explain the situation but still be supportive to her and let her know she can remain in the children lives (if that is your wish to do so) but that their father’s toxicity will not be present to the children any longer.
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