Why keep them away if you can help them with car seats? I mean that’s petty. Get lice figured out and then be kind, and allow your kids to have their father in their life, even if you hate the girlfriend.
I understand not having a carpet. Especially if you only have visitaion/limited visit times. But if they don’t have food? They won’t be staying. End of story
He should absolutely have everything and more.
My bf and his ex gf are responsible for their own things during the time they have their daughter. Nothing is shared except what the child comes with for the visit And whatever she comes with goes back with her. That’s all written in their order. Also file what you need with the court.
That’s a whole CPS case right there. Don’t get urself in trouble by being neglectful and sending them again.
Our judge actually ordered me to provide him with all of that. I was pissed. Thank goodness he only had 3 visits before he couldn’t handle them and gave up his custody.
I can see sending clothes and maybe certain electronics that they use on the regular basis but there is NO WAY in hell that you should have to provide food. If he doesn’t have food in his home then he shouldn’t get them until he can afford to feed them. As far as the lice thing, I’m not familiar with it because I’ve never had it but I’ve been told it’s a real b**ch to deal with. So they wouldn’t be going back until that issue was resolved. If this is a custody agreement through the courts you will DEFINITELY have to contact them.
The other parent should provide what the children need while in their care.
I understand there are exceptions like the favorite thing (blanket, toy) or if the child has had a recent growth spurt and the other parent has limited visitation so sending a change of clothes would be helpful for the child’s comfort, until the parent can get what’s needed.
When this happened to me I told my daughters dad that he wouldn’t be getting her anymore because of the lice problem and his now ex didn’t take care of her 7 Childerns lice problem and I made him do visit at my house for a while
We have my partners 3 children every other weekend and school holidays.
It can be done!
We deal with Lice every visit.
Dealt with kiddies when sick and it goes through the whole house. Kids get sick, it happens.
We’ve brought each (3 of different ages and sizes) their own winter and summer wardrobe for here every year including shoes because most visits they forget their shoes as most kiddies do.
They do bring their teddys and pillows from home.
They keep toys, birthday and Xmas presents here so they have something to play with upon their return.
Weve done this for 3 years now, bloody oath it can be done.
And as for the food situation, we know the dates (mediation order) they are coming and for how long. We prepare for the extra mouths.
Their dad has no excuse. Maybe money could be an issue, but there’s no shame at shopping at the dollar store for essentials to tie them over.
My sons dad and I split I was the bread winner he was a stay at home dad, when I left he had nothing, he eventually got a job but it was just enough to make ends meat, my son wanted that time with his dad, his dad couldnt provide everything needed unfortunately, I still allowed visits and sent just the right amount of everything i knew my son would need to get through the visits, I’m not saying thats what will work for everyone, but sometimes times are tough and I felt like it wasnt fair to take my sons time with his dad away just because his dad was in a rut…
It’s crazy to see some spiteful people here. This is an advice page I think they need to go somewhere else! Anyway. It’s not fair how one parent can provide everything for the children, how come the other one can’t.
I don’t see a problem with sending them with clothes and car seats and their electronics but of course he needs to have food etc there for them.
Also how can you know that your kids caught bugs while with him? How can you know that for sure?
Do what is best for your children. Not what’s best for your emotions, his, nor his girlfriends. My kids are picky, there dad rarely gets them so when he does I send food that they like. They also take whatever they need to make themselves feel comfortable. If it comes back great if not okay I know where they live. Why? Because it’s not about me or what I think is fair or not fair etc. so I provide my children what they need in order for them to get the little bit of time he is willing give them. Do whatever it takes for your children to keep a relationship with there dad if it is safe and you are able to. The whole lice thing has me itching my head so I really can’t attest to that situation.
They should have everything organised! It’s the least they can bloody do when we do and have everything else for our kids
Car seats not a big deal, but he should be able to provide food, clothes and a clean environment for them and should not be asking for money! If they don’t have lice or school sores when they are with you but come home with them every time then I would think he just isn’t cleaning the beds sheets and everything they touch properly so it keeps coming back but head lice can only survive 4hrs without a host so other people in the house must have them if it keeps coming back that fast, are you sure they aren’t getting those things from school, kinder or daycare?
Yes he should have car seats for them and obviously food, but i guarantee there’s lice in both households so you’re just gonna have to treat, check heads frequently and treat some more
Its his job. He didny pull out so he needs to put out. Period.
I wouldn’t even leave my kids with him until he is fully prepared.
Doesn’t sound like a good place for them to be going to.
Unfortunately the glory of the system they don’t see lice as a health issue. Lice eggs can stay viable for up to 30 days. It will not only be on the kids, clothes, furniture and stuffed toys but they also can be in car seats. Even if he has his own car seats the kids will contaminate the ones you have when you pick them up. As for clothes that may be addressed in your court ordered child care/visit plan. Food he definitely needs to supply. I’ve been through this myself. I would always send extra snacks with the kids and once they were home everything went into the wash and the car fumigated. The kids hated the whole ordeal but you can not deny visits unless you go back to court. Sorry your going through this. Hopefully things will get better.
You may think twice about keeping visitation from him if you have a court order. If you are found in contempt, YOUR rights can be taken and he’d get full custody until court. Not worth it. Sounds like they are too irresponsible, i’d def go to court and make this known. maybe adjust the visitation and document everything .He should have everything they need at his house.
I would no longer send my children there with those types of conditions!!! That’s basically neglect!!! Absolutely Not!!! He needs to get his stuff together.
So this is a yes and no answer. Yes he should have food for them, but as far as clothes I have always sent my daughter with clothes for her visits. As far as live and impetigo that isn’t something that just happens over night. He could absolutely treat the lice. But you have to keep up on it as well.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should my childs father have everything he needs for our kids when they visit?
Sounds like y’all need to grow up and start acting like adults for the sake of your children.
Honestly if they a bug problem like that I wouldn’t send my kids and idc they can take me to court, and if he can’t have the basic stuff what makes u think he would spend the money on treatment for lice
Of course he should have everything needed for the kids. When they are in his home it’s his sole responsibility to care for them. If he can’t care for the kids then he shouldn’t have lengthy visits with them. The kids shouldn’t have to go without something at his home because he is being irresponsible. And you also shouldn’t have to keep providing for him.
Definitely call for a welfare check. Get everything on record and take him back to court. If he doesn’t have the basic things he NEEDS for his kids like car seats and clean housing, he can have those visits cut back to supervised only and in a public location. You have to do what is best for those kiddos! Hang in there!
How often does the dad get them?
Yes he should have food there for his kids, the car seats are so so, i don’t think its an uncommon thing where the car seat gets switched out of the cars during drop off/pick up.
As for everything else, document it, and follow the proper process. If you try to withhold your kids, it could come and bite you later.
Defientley a welfare check and I wouldnt let the kids go back there. Take pictures if u can for proof
My sons mom sends snacks with him, a mask just in case, the phone he likes to play his space games on and his car seat. If the other parent isnt gonna have the child, they can be nice about a car seat. I try to provide as best i can for my son, sometimes bills make it so i can barely afford food, so when i have my son i make sure that if i dont have a food he likes that i can get it, i chose to eat once a day or every 2 days just to save money so i can feed my son when i see him even if its just a happy meal from mcdonalds or some fruit from the store.
You’re not crazy he should have what he needs since he’s their parent. If they’ve had impetigo and lice and you’re unsure if they have carseats then there is a safety concern and yes you should call.
I wouldnt send my kids there. Especially with no court order to do so. I’d get a court order with supervision visits.
It’s nice for them to have everything that’s needed but it isnt a reason to keep them away from the other parent. To me that just shows a parent being spiteful and putting their own feelings before their child’s. But as for the bugs I’d do a welfare check
He should have everything at his house we have this fight with my ex-husband I used to give car seat diapers everything and then he started being a jerk and my lawyer told me to stop making it easy on him so when he showed up without a car seat he couldn’t have her and the next time he learn to get a car seat.
That’s an actual problem especially if they come back covered in lice or other things every time they visit, get the last bit of evidence you need, record the whole next visit if you have to and get a wellness check done with said evidence without letting them know you’re getting one done. Straight up tell them “you’re not getting the kids unless you can start acting like actual parents because they never have what they need eith you and always come back like this”
He should have the basics like food and car seats. Otherwise no. And the bugs is a whole lot of NO
Yes they should have everything needed 4 them. They are just as much his as they are urs. If he can’t provide basic needs then yes u need 2 consider the safety of ur kids 1st and have things checked out. If my kids keep contracting lice from some place they wouldn’t continue 2 go period. Tea tree oil in their shampoo helps prevent them though.
he needs to have everything but calling a welfare check or withholding them is not the answer and will hurt you in court. you can file paperwork with the court documenting the fact that he doesn’t have necessities and make it a requirement. if it’s a matter of that he can’t afford it you may need to be more lenient about sharing things, especially if you two bought everything together. also, him not having supplies is not a reason for supervised visits. supervised visits are for parents who are a physical danger to their children.
Yes he should provide everything during his parenting time just as you should during your parenting time.
Dad Should have everything but the clothes i always pack for 1-2 days but expect them to come back
Mine are older now and I just send clothes. He has PJ’s at his but when they were younger he had their own car seats and nappies etc
I’d be disgusted. You know that those diseases are over there, so protect them and if he gets mad about it, then that means he’s unwilling to protect them.
Document EVERYTHING mama. Every text, phone call, problems they come home with. Everything. If you have to communicate with their father try to do it in text so you have a record of what is said. A welfare check is a great idea next time they go there
He should have everything. It is up to you whether or not you choose to help with clothes and cars eats or not. Bare minimum, he should be able to feed them on his own. However, bugs and lice are a health hazard. Take it back to court.
Ummm yes…if you don’t then they don’t go…I am not providing for 2 houses
In my state, the custodial parent is expected to provide clothes, car seats, etc. for weekend visits. And honestly, why wouldn’t you send whatever to keep your kids comfortable while they’re gone? When the kids are sick, we send medicine even if it’s OTC just to be nice. If there are truly bugs in the house, then yes, say something about it because it involves the child’s welfare… But the rest send petty to me. If I take the kids to anyone to leave them, I offer to leave for, clothes, and a car seat just in case they need it. I’d rather them have more than they need than to let my kids suffer because they couldn’t afford something or just didn’t know what was wanted (kids don’t always call things by the proper names)
You never exchange car seats what if he damages them then gives them back and the children get hurt in an accident with you. Then he has cause that the children are not safe with you. He needs to have everything they need, you need to have a welfare check done while they’re there call cps and have them do a report. This is a ridiculous question.
He needs to provide the car seats, food, clothes toys, etc when they are in his care… you are not responsible for providing these items when he has visition… I definitely call and do a welfare check on his place before sending the kids over there
Any family court would tell him he needs to have his own things for the kids at his place, including carseats. If he can’t provide them, then he can’t have the kids. Try to get pictures he doesn’t have carseats for them or record him saying it.
Don’t make it easy for him.
Thats dangerous for the kids to constantly come home with lice. There was a case sever on national news where a grandmother had to the take the kid to the hospital. The kid almost died from blood loss because she had the lice for so long.
He should provide for them yes, but if YOU sent them there with lice and they didn’t get it there, YOU are part of the problem.
I have gone grocery shopping for my ex before when my son was going there. I gave him my booster seat for my son and went and bought a new one for my car. Everyone is different. I wouldn’t keep my son away from his dad because he can’t afford certain things. If I could afford it than I would help out, if not than I would just give him stuff from my house that he would need for the days my son was there.
The impetigo and lice is a different story.
Don’t keep your child from his father because he can’t afford things, the only one that will hurt will be your child. Help him out. In the long run your child will respect you a lot more when they’re older for it
If he was any kind of concerned father absolutely yes! He’s a deadbeat trying to live off you so you don’t have to use his own money for car seats clothes toys do not send it he comes and gets the kids he takes them like they are that’s baloney
He should have his own necessities. I argued this in court. And the judge told him he needed to have his own stuff and if he was unable to provide it then he just needed to have hourly supervised visits until he had what he needed.
He most definitely should have his own stuff for her. However, I encourage you to do your best to work with him not against him, unless of course the child’s safety is a concern. I used to battle all of this bullshit too. Unfortunately it took his death, and a grief stricken little girl for me to realize these small things truly don’t matter. Encourage and help foster a healthy relationship with her dad. That’s what will matter down the road not this petty stuff (trust me I know it doesn’t feel petty… But it is in the long run). Best of luck!
I have never got a dime. Not even the child support, but don’t say a word. I won’t let my child suffer. She can take her clothes, but he should be able to provide for her like I have had to. Get a job figure it out. He can make my child comfortable like I do. If you think they aren’t being taken care of you absolutely do a welfare check. The lice will go back and forth if it’s not taken care of. My child decides if she wants to go as I set up through mediation. She won’t because she is bored. He has no TV, internet, or even a fridge. He has his own foodstamps, I won’t put her in a unhealthy environment. Take precautions and document everything. She goes for like a half hour and wants to come home.
Why not just co-parent like adults?! My God! I would never keep my child from being with her dad over a carseat, clothes, toys or food! A little girl needs her father. One of the most important relationships she can have. I know she is safe in the carseat I have, so he can have it while she’s with him. They grow out of clothes so fast, who cares if I have to send some with her? I’ll send some snacks or foods that I know she likes (at the particular time) because she goes through spells of liking or not liking stuff. He helps support her which helps me. Why should he be punished by having to pay for stuff twice? I’d rather send stuff with her (that he helped me acquire) to help him have a fabulous relationship with her than to punish the both of them. Its called ADULTING AND CO-PARENTING! The lice and stuff? Thats way different. If they’re getting it there, he should have it too. They’re not strictly kid problems. So, does he have it?
This can’t be for real?
I’ve had to send food and drinks and clothes pretty much everything she would need to be able to go and I had no problem with that I provide everything anyway and if that’s all it takes so my kid can see her father no problem but lice no way would my kid return until they get that under control bugs carry Bacteria and such that’s where you draw the line
From personal experience. The courts told me that being the primary parent, that i was responsible for clothing for older age kids. Then clothes, diapers, wipes and formula for babies. But everything else was for them to provide.
Well he should have food for his kids. But why not send them their clothes or car seat ? That’s just being petty. But for head lice. He needs to keep them pet free.lol.Have him get some lice medicine. But anyone can catch them. No matter how clean you are. Just don’t keep them.let the kids enjoy there dad.
When my oldest was little I went through all her clothes and sent some to her dads and then told him after she out grew them they needed to supply clothes at his house. I did this after she came back home with her brand new outfit ruined from him letting her play outside in the soot from a bon fire. After that I supplied nothing and he had to have everything. I sent her in an old set of clothes and told them to put their own clothes on her when they got to their house and bring her back in the same clothes I sent her in. Now if she was sick on meds I would send the meds with her but nothing else. They had their own car seat for her and I never supplied food ever. He wasnt paying his child support so he had way more money than I did. I didnt have the head lice problem with my ex but I did with my sister and brother-in-law. I made them pay for the treatment for my kids. Treating a large family for headline gets to be expensive.
I had the same issue…sent my kid to his dad’s was suppose to be for the summer not even half way through I had to pick him up because he was being left with family and not being watched properly…when I picked him up he was covered in bed bug bites and impetigo…I did not send him again…if he is going to be neglected at his dad’s than it is my responsibility as a mother to no longer send him.
I send clothes. Why have double? Sent a booster seat this summer, no big deal. Guess it depends on how often they go. As far as lice, yall have to work together to get rid of that problem. It’s not a one and done deal.
For electronics, I let my kids take their electronics, toys, clothes, books…whatever they want.
The whole idea is a smooth transition. You know, family? Bc that’s the kid’s family. Don’t make it more stressful than it already is.
You can PM me if you want! I was EXACTLY in this same situation
Your children are coming home with lice and impetigo. I would make sure the children’s case manager know.
The food yes! But clothes, things to do (ipad) overnight bits I always provide! X
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should my childs father have everything he needs for our kids when they visit?
If he pays child support and has parental rights your going to have a really hard long road ahead of you but document everything and every time the kids come back record everything and I honestly do not send things with my baby daddy to his house I buy them things all the time that equals way more than that shitty little child support I get trust me 144 a week don’t feed two kids 12 and 15 plus take care of them but if they come back disgusting send it him in a text message pics and responses and save them as evidence. Document is the most important thing
My baby’s GRANDMA has everything my baby needs at her house. The FATHER definitely should!!!
Baby daddies new love always puts her 2 cents in even when she doesn’t know what the hell is going on.
The custodial parent spends far more than the non custodial parent. Stop making excuses. You should be prepared for them to visit. That means clothes and car seats etc.
My kids would not be going there. Period.
You keeping your children away from their father is wrong, and they will blame you when they get older.
I would not like sending my car seats to lice infected people. If they are babies that grow fast share there cloths. Until a certain age. When they don’t go through so many. For my daughter to be fed more then supper. She had to take her on food. She was old enough to feed herself.
As a non-custodial parent to two of my children, I provide everything for them without assistance from their grandmother except for when the kids go through a growth spurt. She will send what they need and then I take them shopping for clothes when they arrive. Example: my daughter outgrew her shorts. She is also between girls and teens sizes, so she sent her with shorts for this week and I bought shorts. But other than that, I provide everything they need for here and even some things for their house.
Clothes, food, car seat yes electronics no
Not having food in the home is definitely a reportable thing so is lice and impetigo if there are children in the home with it. Take them to pediatrician for lice and impetigo it is documented.
I wouldn’t even send my kids to their dads if they keep coming back sick or with bugs.
Get a welfare check, yes he should have the things he needs !
Why are you sending them over there??
If they have any type of bugs they wouldn’t be going.
I don’t get why she has to send everything? Why doesn’t he buy diapers for his house or make sure he has food to feed them? I can see sending clothes with them but he should have the basics for his children. I mean what if she doesn’t send enough diapers or food is he just gonna say oh well and they go without till they r back with mom? Why cant he provide the basics when he has them?
Carseats I’m on the fence about. Cuz it sucks having to change those out all the time.
But if she has to constantly clear them of lice everytime they come home I would definitely make sure they don’t have bugs in their house b4 sending them back over. And the carseats are contaminated too. He needs to take responsibility and get rid of the bugs in his home b4 the children go back. If they keep getting sick then it sounds like they aren’t being cared for properly. So I would have a social services visit conducted. U have to think about the children’s best interest and coming home sick all the time is not.
The only thing a child NEEDS to have when going to their fathers is food, a place to sleep, and love. The only reason a child should be held from a father is if he or someone around him is abusive or neglectful. Ask yourself this…do my kids have a good time with their father? Are they fed? Would they be sad if they didn’t get that time? If the answers are no then maybe he does need supervised visits. Buuut if the answers are yes then if everything is being sent back in good condition and the kids are taken care of properly then let it go.
Idk about your state, but our parents time guidelines state that the custodial parent is to provide everything needed and that noncustodial parent are to return everything in clean/working condition at the end of the visit.
Yes - its required by law - if can’t- then can’t have his children.
If show up without car seat I call law wait - get act together
So, I have always felt that they should have their own stuff. But the last time I went to court, the judge ordered that i had to. Im def on the fence about it. In a way, I know my lids are ok and have what they need, yet if I dont send anything. Who am I really punishing, him or my children? At least now, I can say I have provided for my children even when they are in his care.
In my state(ny) and county (Onondaga) I was told by a judge in front of my ex when my oldest was younger I was not responsible for sending clothes food diapers car seats nothing he was told it was his responsibility to provide for his visits and later he was also told if he was not going to be present for his whole weekend visit (like he had to work) he would only get one day not two
It’s impossible to know where the lice issue started but possible to effectively treat it, which somebody is failing to do. Lice largely lives in and produces in very clean hair and can be transferred from anywhere.
Yes the father should have all of those things provided for his kids at his home and at his expense.
Yes you should stop sending him with those things when he takes the kids.
Yes call and have a welfare check done.
Why can’t he use the car seats they already have ? She isn’t using them while they are with him. Chances are his child support is paying for the things the kids need while they are with her. So he has to pay twice when it is just as easy to share the car seats?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should my childs father have everything he needs for our kids when they visit?
Yes. not depending on mother to do so for him and his household. Most annoying thing and sometimes we have to bc the children are the ones to suffer end of the day.
I mean, technically yes. But… I’ve learned to pick my battles. And do things for my kids. Not their father. I’ve sent clothes to their dads and told him to keep the clothes there. When they were in booster seats, I sent one to him and said to keep it so he had one also. I’ve also sent groceries over so the kids had good to eat for the weekend while he had them. Electronics? Those aren’t really “needed”.
Of course they should I was in the same boat this last year and I told both of my kids dads that i should have to be responsible for the things my kids need when the visit that they need.to provide evry thing they need for our child at their own place bc they both have attempted to scare me with the "ima take the baby from you"when the dont have crap for them … so now they have everything every o cent and a while I’ll help with some type of transportation for one of them but the rest they have to have it in order if they want them over … i also demand they their fathers are the only ones wiping or bathing our kids… i don’t trust a soul.
He should have stuff they need at his house. He should be the one that buys the stuff too. You are doing the right thing. Your children’s health and well being are important and they shouldn’t be going to a house that is unsafe.
I’d call and check on their living conditions. But I always sent clothes. My kids were a reflection of me whoever they were with. Especially if I was getting child support.
Doesn’t sound like a safe or healthy environment. I wouldn’t let them go back until things change.