Should my son be forced to call his bio dad "dad"?

Let your son choose and it sounds like he has. Your son shouldn’t be forced to call his Bio Father anything he’s not comfortable with.

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I’m in a similar situation. I have learned you can’t force a relationship or someone to be a parent. I have always left it up to my son and when he doesn’t want to go he calls him to tell him.

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Someone else on here said document every corespondents and they are right. Force the bio dad to communicate via text message or email. Try not to have phone convos and if you do try to record the somehow. If he is going to take you to court get ready if you aren’t already.

It’s up to your kid what he calls the step dad or sperm donor.

He is old enough to decide for him self let your son be it is not your fault Dad was not there for him to have that bound

In my opinion you can’t force your child to call him dad, he is old enough and like you said knows the difference, that’s on his bio dad not anymore else… my son’s bio dad has had bugger all to do with my son and my son calls him by his name and that’s fine with me, I’m not about to force my son to call him dad when my son knows he’s never been a dad

He is absolutely old enough to call him whatever name he chooses. At 10, he knows what he is comfortable with.
My son is 8, he’s knows my husband is not dad, and he knows his bio dad, he calls them both dad, and also both their first names when talking about them. Like he will say, when I’m with Dad - Shawn. Or when I am with Dad - Mike. He is old enough to differentiate, I never tried to force anything on him at all, he started calling him dad on his own.

My son called his absentee “father” he called my husband " dad" because he earned it.

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What your boy wants to call the important people in life is up to him. Tell bio dad to put his ego aside.

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He IS his father whether you agree with his participation or not. Your son needs to know this. He can decide whatever he wants if you feel it’s appropriate but he will always have one mother and one father. He has a dad who is there for him but he will always have one mother and one father. At NO point in time did that change. That’s is a fact. I suggest not trying to control everything in that aspect. Not everyone has to agree but that’s my take on it.

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Similar situation… years ago.
I let my son choose. Imo bio dad needs to earn the title and bonus dad has already done so in the eyes of the child .

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Leave it up to the child in what he calls each person. Should be his choice. As far as court i wouldn’t worry about it as long as your trying and being civil.

Record your conversations for the courts

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No. It’s his choice. You can’t make someone a father by forcing it. That kid decides who his father is. A father acts like a father. If he wants to be called father…then gain the trust of his son and earn the name.

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Tell him to take you to court. The judge will laugh in his face. Print out your messages. Frame him in court. He’s a narcissist. Everything will be okay.

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You don’t just get the title of mom or dad, you earn it. He’s ten years old and he can call whoever he wants dad. As long as you arent forcing it, I don’t see any problem with it and, honestly, it isn’t your choice. No court will take him seriously, he just wants a title that he hasn’t earned

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Encourage your son to call both “Dad”. Tell him he has 2 Dads

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Anyone can be a father but it takes someone great to be called dad. Obviously step-dad is a wonderful man and kiddo loves him. Just document everything that has happened and does happen from now on. For court purposes if he follows thru. Your kiddo can speak on this as well. Document document document.

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It’s your son’s choice. His bio dad can ask him to call him dad but I dought your son will stop calling his stepfather dad.

Child choose for himself and start looking up information on narcissism because your ex-husband is a narcissist. How to deal with them is helpful.

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My children call their bio dads by their real name, never really had an emotional/physical connection so really it’s their choice

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The child knows who treats them like a father. The choice should be the child’s.

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The son is old enough to speak his mind and clearly he has. Ignore the bio father lol. Let him take you to court and lose all visitation for slander :woman_shrugging:

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I mean… legally that’s his father. But a judge can’t MAKE him say anything when he’s not around.

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your ex sounds like a douche . yeah let him take you to court I guarantee they won’t make it easy for him

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I think it should be up to your son what he chooses to call him. I know it’s hard when your baby’s father is somewhat of a loser but the best thing to do is let him decide.

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My kids call my fiance dad by their choice not mine. My oldest son’s dad loved away with his girlfriend and their two kids. My other 3 kids haven’t seen their father since my 6 year old was 2 months. I didn’t tell them to call him dad they chose to call my fiance dad and that’s fine

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If you don’t have a formal custody agreement and he isn’t paying child support, he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. The man who’s actually raising him is Dad. The kid can call the other jackwagon whatever he wants.

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Journal journal and journal!

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No….under 15 …the parent should call …16+ they both can call 21+ kids should call more then parent…IMO

Your son cannot be forced to call him dad and absolutely don’t stop calling the man who has been there for him dad. Kids have so much to go through in this life and then have to deal with this. Let him choose. Prayers :pray:

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I left baby daddy when my son was 1 and I’m all that he knows. My son is 11 now and he calls him dad now and that’s only because he wanted too. His dad has only seen him 3 times since I left, so he has no connection with him. He doesn’t say “I love you” or anything like that because he doesn’t know him.

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It’s his own damn fault why his son doesn’t call him Dad. Had he been consistent and more involved his son would call him Dad. His step father obviously earned that title. Dad needs to try to be more understanding and more appreciative that his son has had a man to step in and help raise him while he wasn’t there and making sure his son wasn’t fatherless.

Your son is 10. Let him choose what he is comfortable calling him. Sit down and have an honest and open discussion with him. My ex hates it when our son calls his step dad, dad. I asked him why? He said because I’m his dad. I said it’s never a bad thing when a child has 4 parents who love him and he loves just as much. My husband has helped raise my son since he was a month old and he is 12 now. His bio dad’s girlfriend has been in his life since he was born and I’ve always told him he can call her whatever he wants to call her. He chooses to call her by her name , his bio dad he calls dad, I’m mom and step dad is also dad. Ex hates it , but it’s his choice and we don’t get to control how he feels.

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He still sounds selfish . Tell him he should have been in his life since day 1 and maybe that wouldn’t have happened .

The choice should be up to your son. It’s what’s in his heart. He shouldn’t be forced to call someone he barely knows dad unless he feels that way, and if he wants to call your husband dad because he feels like he deserves that title then that’s 100% okay. He can call both of them dad if that what he feels. He is old enough to make that choice for himself

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Let your son make the call on that. Plain and simple.

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Your son is old enough to decide who he wants to call dad. I highly reccomend therapy for your son, he is going to need it because it sounds like bio dad is very narcissistic unfortunately.

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I met my bio father when I was 9. I call him by his name and refer to him as my father. My dad raised since before I was one. I call and refer to him as my dad. Sadly he passed 5 months and 10 days ago.

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Leave it up to your son. That’s what I’m doing with mine as he’s 8. I’m not gonna force him. He can do what he wants. That’s my son that is.

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no you’re fine from what you’ve said. Don’t let him get in your head. Just do what you are doing.

I’ve never been in you position but I have a perspective close to your kid. My bio father came into the picture around that age too. I called him by his first name for years. I also had a stepdad in my life since I was 3 that I still call dad.
None of the adults told me to call/not call either of them anything. I actually remember having a talk with my mom about starting to call my bio dad, dad. She told me whatever I felt right, and not to worry about either one’s feelings about it. I have 2 men I proudly call dad. She allowed it to be my choice since it was my personal relationship with them.
Now, my bio dad did do a lot of work and was there for me. He drove as far as he had to to get me and bring me back. Because even if he wasn’t always the best dad he started trying.
Anyway, I urge you to stick up for the kid and do what is best for them. Don’t let the bio guilt you or the kid into anything.

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You have continuity completely on your side so let him huff and puff for all the good it’ll do him, if this ever gets in front of a judge he wont fair well, let your son go with him as long as he’s comfortable, I dont see where you have to go out of your way to make that happen, and your son can call either man whatever he wants if its respectful

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I would leave the decision up to your son he should still continue to. See his son regardless Even though we do not like the way they parent —its still between him and his dad as individuals If he’s not in any danger and responsible at visits --------He should continue to see his child /father When your child is an adult -----Then he can choose to continue the relationship or drop it I had a terrible marriage Before splitting up permanently after years --my son and his dad weren’t even talking At all They almost fist fought once (that broke my heart) he said he hated him once --but I fully discouraged they hate ±naming to my son that he was not fully mature had no idea hate was The older my son became the more maturity came thru ,and he began re establishing a relationship with his father and in his senior year of high school he began to enjoy the company of his father once more Their relationship grew and now that my son is married bought a home of his own His father has helped him in so so many ways He’s helped him move helped him with plumbing issues helped him with rennovation issues galore His father is an Antique picker for hobby when he’s not working and actually brought our son some amazing gifts The 2 as men ----a wonderful relationship that I am fully at peace with wondering if I acted correctly I’ve even had my son finally tell me a few times "mom, I’m glad you didn’t act like these other women take me from dad I’m glad I had and have my dad he’s my dad I’ve reminded how that he used to say those things about his father and he replied I was just young angry didn’t understand I replied that he wasn’t mature Always let your son see his father

It’s the child’s choice…even at 10 a child knows who is consistent and who is not

Parents are always responsible for their relationship or lack of with their minor children. Once kids become adults it’s on both but mainly parents as well. Parents need to pursue their kids but in a healthy stable consistent way and in a way that doesn’t push their kids away. My son gets to say what happens with his relationship with my ex and my son is 5yo. I support my son’s needs and wants and back him.

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Let your son make that decision on his own.

It’s your son’s choice who he calls what… you can’t be a sometime parent and expect recognition :woman_shrugging:

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My parents divorced when I was 9 and shortly after my mom met her now husband, my step dad. I was of the age that I knew the difference and I could make the choice of what I wanted to call who. Shortly after the divorce, my dad exited my life. But my moms husband was a constant even before the marriage. He was at all school functions, taught me to drive, helped with homework, was the man who gave my now husband his okay to propose, walked me down the aisle, and is the man my daughter calls grandpa. He’s my dad. And at the age of 9, I knew it even then.

Just give your son the choice as to what he wants to call who. And if his bio dad doesn’t like it, well he should then rethink the 7 years he wasn’t in his child’s life and blame himself.

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No child should be forced to call anyone anything. It should be your son’s choice as to what he’s comfortable with.

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Should be the boys choice call him what ever he’s comfortable with even if it’s his 1st name.

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It’s all up to your son really. He’s the only one who matters in this situation

Absolutely not. My Dad was my stepdad. Him and my mother got married when I was a year old and divorced when I was 13. I’m 45 now and he’s still Dad. He was the only dad I knew through most of my childhood. I always knew he wasn’t my bio dad but that didn’t matter, he was Dad and always will be. It’s takes more than sperm to make someone a dad.
My 12 year old sees her dad pretty much every weekend and he picks her up and brings her home and never has complained that I’m making things difficult. If he really wanted to spend time with his son he’d drive across the damn country to do so without complaining. Sounds to me like he’s looking to blame you for his shortcomings as a father.

My kids made the decision. They still call him dad. I stayed out of it.

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First thing first record everything texts calls keep everything. If you can take him to court first. Depending on the state it depends on visits so I can’t/don’t want to give advice on that… but from my experience the boy will be at yours for school dads on school vacations/summer and alternate holidays and they may say receiving parent does the picking up or you meet half way at an agreed spot every time especially if the distance is far.
as for who your son calls dad that is his full decision he’s old enough to make that choice and let him know that.

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You tell your husband that I said Thank you for being the constant male figure in your son’s life.
As far as sperm donor goes, he needs to earn the “Dad” title because it sounds like he has no clue as to what a “real” parent does.

It’s your son’s choice.

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well if your sons 12 i think he can ditch his bio dad,n let the step dad be the childs dad…seems the bio dad checked out long ago,n another thing when he does see his child it should be just him n the bio,sperm doner

Your title is earned. And Bio can just suck it up. Continue to live with your son’s best interests in mind.

You cannot make a 10 year old child call anyone dad just at the drop of a hat :woman_shrugging:t3:

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It’s up to your son what he calls him. Go to court and bring all the nasty out but don’t do it in front of your son

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No. He should not be forced. He is a whole human being on his own. His choices regarding his own feelings on the matter are all that matters. To be clear : ITS YOUR SONS CHOICE, AND HIS ALONE.

I haven’t called my father “dad” in 25ish years and no plans to either :woman_shrugging:t2: I didn’t have a step father or anything else. But my father didn’t deserve the title of “dad” so I’ll never give him that - even decades later. Don’t force any child to call them anything.

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Sounds like his Bio dad is a piece of work. Court won’t make him stop calling your husband dad. And his Bio dad CHOSE to move that far away. You didn’t up and leave with your son, he left. Save any messages. He could fight for more visits with his son. But that will also come with child support if he’s not already paying any.
It does not sound like you’re doing anything wrong!

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Grey rock - narcissism

Let ur bairn decide. As for the dad. Put in the rules that work for ur son

It doesn’t matter who makes it easy, or what’s wrong with your car. The question was about calling him dad. The blame game has nothing to do with that.
Why does your child call your present husband dad? Was asked or told to? If it was 100% the child’s choice. Then I don’t see why he can’t call both dad.

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Your son is calling the person dad who was there. As long he know who is bio dad is he can say dad to whom ever he feel

It’s The Sons Choice

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should my son be forced to call his bio dad "dad"?

I think your son is old enough to decide for himself, but it sounds like he already has.

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I believe those titles are earned not entitled as a child that grew up the same was my bio was his name and his name only

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My kids biological father was hardly in their lives, my husband Jeff was their dad as he was there for the homework, extracurricular activities and teaching them to become good men. My kids called him Dad. He deserved it.

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That boy is enough enough to decide for himself who he wants to call what.

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Your son should call his true dad “dad” and by true sad, I mean the step father. Just because you make a kid, that doesn’t earn you the title “dad”. Being there being a father is what actually earns that label. No child should be forced to call someone dad that doesn’t feel like a dad

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Set up a reasonable visitation schedule, bio provides transportation back & forth… & stick to it. Ignore, ignore bios “Court” threats, don’t be bullied, he sounds full of hot air.

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Absolutely not! No one should force anything upon anyone…including wanting to be in their lives or coming in many years later after they abandoned them. My youngest 2 girls have never really known their bio dad because he has chosen many other things besides them! His loss not my girls!

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Bio Dad cannot dictate what happens in your home, tell bio: son will call your husband Dad, period! Cannot reason w/an unreasonable person so don’t try, put that subject to bed & refuse to discuss it, period!

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Nah. I’ve been in my SS’s (10) life longer than his bio mom and she tried to make him stop calling me mom after I raised him from 2-7 without her in the picture (due to drugs and her neglect of him). Social workers/counselors have let her know it wasn’t healthy to force him to stop and addressed that topic with all of us. I think she’s expected him to call her mom since she came back in the picture but to his counselors and us, he still calls her by her first name. They’ve got to earn that back. She did force her way back into his life with court and have put us all through hell the last few years with constant false allegations (trying to take custody away from my husband - hasn’t worked). I wouldn’t be surprised if this situation wind up being like mine. Sounds a lot like it. The absent parent needs to work harder on repairing their own relationship, not acting like other are the problem when they’ve been there.

Let your child decide what he is comfortable calling the men in his life.

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Don’t let him bully you into anything…protect your son to make his own decisions on who he wants to call Dad. As annoying as everything sounds, this is why the courts are present because parties do not agree. Have a set visitation court order as well as child support order to avoid any bs. It’s better if you take the first step into that direction if u haven’t already.

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Let him take you to court (this is 9/10 times just a threat to get you to do what he wants), he will have to explain his absence and they will ask your son his opinion on the matter. Document everything!

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Kid’s 10. Let him decide. I don’t think he should call bio by his first name or nothing, but it should be the kid’s choice.

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My son calls his bio dad “dad” because he was told he had to by him. He understands what it’s his blood dad.

He also calls my husband “dad” and he knows it’s step dad.

My husband has been in our lives for a year and a half and has more of an impact than his bio dad ever has in 7 years.

My son stood up for my husband when his dad said “you can only call me dad. I’m your only dad”

My son said, “I want to call him dad because he’s here and takes care of me and you’re not. I love him. And he loves me.” My son was 5 at the time and I have never been prouder.

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You are allowing this tyrant entirely too much power over you and yours… and by “too much”, I mean any. Your son is old enough to say what he wants. So let him. Also, stop being so dang accommodating. You kind of enabled this. Staaaaahhhp it already.

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What a tool! Piss on him. Let him take you to court…itll never happen! It’s all talk to get you worked up cuz he knows it does. And if he were to take you to court,just bring all the proof that he is in fact a tool.

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I would talk to your son and go with what he feels comfortable doing

No my son who is 16 calls his bio dad by his 1st name and told him sorry my dad ( his step ) is who I call dad not you. He only talks to his children in the phone occasionally has not seen him since he was 20 months.

You should b able to have a civil conversation with his father in a none threatening way ! Help should b warrented ! Especial if he’s under age! But xes are that for a reason so do your best as his parents for the child’s sake.keep him busy in sports or music and form some type of a relationship intimacy is not only a relationship for adults knowing your child’s need is half the battle we all need a pat on the back when it comes parent and sincere efforts let u sleep better at nights

Anyone can be a father, I takes a real man to be a dad! Your son has every right to choose who he calls dad and who he doesnt! You can’t be an absent parent for most of a child’s life and come back and expect the child to welcome you with open arms! Not how it works!

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My three children we’re fairly Young when I divorced my first husband I remarried 4 years later and he became there father he was there for them through thick and thin their real father never really participated in their lives a few phone calls lots of unfulfilled promises as the children got older they all called their stepfather dad I really laughed because eventually they called their stepdad real dad and their real dad fake dad their decision

you already know the answer.your son already decided on that a long time ago,now dont let that so called “dad” ruined what your son and your husband had.

That’s what he always called him don’t change for his sperm donor. Just my opinion.

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I don’t see you doing anything wrong. I definitely would NOT force your son to call anyone dad, even if it IS his biological father. In my opinion, he doesn’t even deserve the title… but again that is my opinion.
And as for your son’s father blaming you for all the problems, I think he’s just projecting his problems onto you because he knows that he’s doing a crappy job of being a dad to your kid. The saying that Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad( or something like that). It is a earned privilege and it takes work, if he’s not willing to put in the effort he don’t get the rewards.

Would u current hubby consider adoption? Bio can still visit but not have that bond which isn’t there anyway

I would go to your local court and get a parenting plan

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I’d save all messages from him. As proof that he’s the one being unreasonable. And as for your son calling your husband dad, the judge would laugh in his face and remind him who’s been there for your son when bio hadn’t, and it’s up to your son what he wants to call them

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That’s up to your son. Your son can decide who he wants to call someone.

I left that up to my kids just like my mom and dad did for me. But absolutely do not force him to call him dad if he doesn’t want to, and if bio dad/glorified sperm donor wants to threaten to go to court let him. Most courts will tell him basically to go fuck himself but more politely than I would

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Absolutely not. He has to earn that title. If hes been there from the beginning then yes, different story but not seeing him often/being there AS a actual dad then hell no

Hahaha no he should not, and don’t worry, no judge is going to take him seriously.