Should this bother me?

Sooo I need advice. Little back story, I have been with my boyfriend going on 5 years in February we share 3 kids together. Me and his mom have a OK relationship but not the best. My question is would it upset/bother you if she always had her other grandkids but never your kids? She doesn’t call either of our phones to check on them or even say hi. But she calls and text dad daily to see how he is and let him know she loves him. She will show up to holiday dinners and birthdays but I feel that just isn’t enough. I have been told it shouldn’t bother me but it does.I hate it for my kids so bad. It’s just not fair and I don’t want my kids to feel left out or wonder why they are never invited over with the other kids. I have addressed the issue and got nowhere but a argument between me vs. him and her. Dad doesn’t agree with me and says I should just look over it. He’s definitely a mommas boy so he hardly ever has my back when it comes to her. Sorry for the long post. Thanks in advance for any advice

This bothering you is very valid!!! Where’s the Dad in all this? Does he NOT care about his own children’s state of mind? You can’t force his mother to change her behavior; but, you CAN protect your babies from dealing with situations that damage their psyche (confidence, security, independence, etc).

I was in the same situation with my own bio mother. Two out of three of my babies (now adults) weren’t included in her circle of favorites. What I did was shield my two youngest from her narcissistic behavior while they were too young to stand up for themselves in an unhealthy environment. During this time, the only thing I didn’t do was deny my babies the right to see her, IF that’s what they wanted. I also ensured the visitation was in a neutral setting with me being present. They didn’t ask and she didn’t care … UNTIL they were about 11 & 12 years old. She said she was going to keep everything in a box (birthdays, Christmas, etc), and when they turned 18 give it to them. Said, she would let them know it was because of me they didn’t have a relationship. I called her back the next day and agreed that she could do whatever she wanted as long as she gave me 24 hours notice. I never received a phone call from her since that day (now they’re 26 & 27 years old).

I never spoke bad to them about their grandmother because I knew they’d figure everything out when they grew into adulthood. This was key!!! I could have slammed her and many other adult figures in their lives while young. BUT, all this would have accomplished was them hating me in the future. Children aren’t stupid and should NEVER be treated as if they are. One day … all the puzzle pieces will fall into place regarding how they view each person in their lives. You focus on what you can do to help them grow into solid and independent adults, while allowing them to form their own opinion.

Best of luck to you!