My fiance and I are about to get married. We are struggling on one aspect of our wedding…he wants booze at the wedding and I do not. My family are a bunch of recovering alcohloics but his friends/family party all the time…I don’t want my family to feel uncomfortable but I dont want his to feel bored…how do we compromise?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should we allow booze at our wedding? - Mamas Uncut
Maybe don’t supply the alcohol and if people want it they can bring their own. I chose not to have alcohol at mine because I did not want there to be any fiascoes or DWIs on their way home. It also has a big expense.
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No, not with struggling addicts. How unfair.
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Maybe you can split your reception venue into two rooms, drinking and non drinking?
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We had a similar issue, so we opted for very limited alcohol. We also just had wine, nothing else. So no hard liquor or so.
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If he and his family prefer booze, see if he’d compromise for an “after party” that he and his friends/family can “turn up” at.
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I understand why he wants it but I would be extremely bothered if my fiancé didn’t respect that my family are recovering alcoholics…
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They can drink after the wedding. It’s not about them anyway
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Do bring your own.
Or limit 2 drinks per guest have tokens no buying extra.
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I would have alcohol, but maybe a drink limit of like 3 per guest for free, after that they have to pay for their own. When it’s not an open bar it tends to eliminate a lot of the issues that could arise.
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No drinking at the wedding reception. Make it short and sweet maybe 2 hours. Then tell the friends to about the “after party” for 2 hours after the reception……
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So. Would you not have cake if guests were on a diet? Have a self pay bar. People don’t drink as much. Have lots of options for non alcoholic drinks too.
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Its your guys wedding recovering addicts cant avoid alcohol all the time… If they really can’t help themselves then they shouldn’t come. It’s his wedding too he has a say
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Tell him if his family wants booze they need to bring their own so your family ismt too worried about it
Have great music entertainment
For the cake and all and half do no alcohol then the other half make it an after party with alcohol
Serve on one side and tell them, hey we’re serving alcohol , sober people go to events, they won’t stay as long,
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Have them buy their own drinks if they want one!
BYOB… they bring what the want to drink. No glass no cans. Must put in your own personal cup. Tumblers. Have him send it out to his friends and family. You send to your friends and family who are not recovering. Mention it in passing to the recovering side that some will be drinking but not all.
They will not see what the others are drinking so they may not be tempted.
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Recovery is dependent on the addict avoiding their own triggers. As someone who avoids alcohol, it’s not the worlds job to keep it from me. It’s my job to stay away from it. You could def compromise by of course having the ceremony, and reception, first dance, cake cutting, etc THEN decide to open the bar area. That way family doesn’t miss out on the major wedding details and they can choose to leave if they feel uncomfortable. However, many people in recovery are fine around it.
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We had a cash bar with alcoholic wine and beer but also non-alcoholic beers and wines also. They look the same and no one has to know what your drink of choice is
But it’s both their weddings and if you don’t feel comfortable being at a wedding with alcohol then don’t go.
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Beer and wine no hard alcohol is what we did
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Do an after-party, once the reception is over. Those that wanna drink and party can attend that. Those that don’t, can go home without feeling like they missed an event at your wedding.
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Cash bar- beer and wine only
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I’m also in recovery, I say definitely allow people to drink! Normies shouldn’t be punished because you all are in recovery. And I don’t mean literally punished you know. You have a tool kit and can not drink I’m sure others do too. Weddings=drinking let the other half of the family cut loose and laugh make some good memories together at your wedding. And congratulations
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Have guest bring their own alcohol. Tell your loved ones that are in recovery that you completely understood if they choose to leave wedding early
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You gotta have alcohol but cut yourselves off completely. Its for guests only and if they can’t handle it, you should be able to escape easier and leave that mess behind. The weddings about them and their shoes anyways.
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I think if you want people to stay longer you should! 
Have them bring their own alcohol
Byob or self pay bar. Its a huge expense that shouldn’t be the burden of the new couple anyway
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Maybe have a separate area for people who will be drinking that way people who are recovering won’t be so close to ones that will be drinking.You don’t put an acholic in a bar and say don’t drink.Everyone should feel comfortable his side and yours also limit it to a certain amount of drinks no more so it doesn’t get out of control.
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Or have a certain time for drinks to be served like around 10. That way both families could be accommodated without being uncomfortable
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It’s not just your wedding, it’s his too… If your family can go to a gas station that sells booze and refrains from buying it then I think they will be fine to be at a wedding and refrain from it. You have to respect each others decisions. I would have two separate areas for drinking and non drinking though!
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Let people drink. These adults are responsible for themselves.
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First, when it comes to recovering alcoholics, one thing they teach in both AA and Alanon is that your addiction is your responsibility. You can’t shelter them from that, if they are in a place where they could be pushed to drink by seeing it then they might need to hit a meeting before and after the wedding. Learned the hard way that the worst thing you can do for people recovering is to tiptoe around them and hide their triggers from them. Secondly, I would hope that of those drinking that they wouldn’t go overboard. It is disrespectful to purposely over drink at a wedding. Too much alcohol never ends well for at least one person. What we did was we had a cash bar and the money went to our honeymoon. You could also tell the bartender to not serve certain people if it’s a concern. We had no issues with anyone drinking too much or acting out, luckily. If there’s people that can’t behave themselves at a wedding then they might need to stay home. You could also have the bachelor/bachelorette party before and let them get their partying out and then refrain from alcohol at the actual event. It is a bit concerning that they can’t go to a couple hour event without wanting booze though.
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Beer & wine only? Or wine only
I’m sure they’ve been around alcohol in other settings…at the end of the day it’s your wedding and for you two to decide. You can’t base it off of other peoples needs.
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Play good music and get everyone dancing!! Have a few other activities such as prop photo taking, etc…You won’t need alcohol!!
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It’s not just you and your family there. That wouldn’t be fair to the other guests. Yes absolutely have alcohol.
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Do limited alcohol like beer and wine no hard alcohol, allow others to bring their own if they want. You don’t want people bored at your wedding. Assuming you’re having a reception party people will filter them selves out if they don’t want to do the party part of the night.
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My husband I were going to but we decided against it cause we didn’t want to be held liable for anyone being intoxicated and leaving
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Beer and wine. No hard alcohol?
Elope
We did
we both had this issue so we just eloped
Intimate courthouse ceremony 
Half our families don’t like us anyway
We’re the black sheep so…
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It’s called being an adult. If they can’t be in The same room as alcohol and not drink it then they shouldn’t attend. 
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I’d do it by time. Like ( just as an example) no alcohol from this time to this time. If you’re serving food let everyone eat and have an hour or so to do toasts, cake cutting, pictures, a little dancing and socializing. At the end of that time frame anyone who doesn’t wish to be around alcohol can head home. And the party animals can cut lose
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Make.it a weed wedding instead better than alcohol anyways
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Alcohol has been served at every wedding I have gone to. If your family has a problem, they need to find a way to control themselves. It’s like asking someone not to serve sweets be because there are diabetes.
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You can have 2 seperate sections because it’s not fair to either one of you to go either way
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I was on the same situation and we decided to do self pay bar. That way whoever wants to drink can drink and the one that dont won’t.
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Many people attend weddings that don’t drink. This is hopefully the only time you get married. No reason to take away from your future husbands wants because some guests don’t want to partake in drinking.
It’s his day too. They can figure it out. They are adults and have to get used to different settings.
No drinking always ends in fighting
I would serve wine during the meals and have alcohol much later so that anyone uncomfortable would have been able to spend time with you and be able to leave when they are uncomfortable.
I don’t think you should let your families issues affect your/your husbands big day. Honestly it’s selfish to ask him to accommodate their needs.
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I have lots of friends and family in recovery and lots of friends and family that drink. My husband and I let people know there would be alcohol at the wedding but we only supplied beer and some wine coolers (also soda and juice) and if anyone wanted liquor they could bring some. There was only one person that didn’t come. It’s your guys’ day to celebrate, not to cater to everybody’s needs and wants. Trust me, I started off doing that and got so stressed I was sick.
Honestly if they can’t control themselves around alcohol they shouldn’t be invited 
it’s HIS DAY to
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Just do beer and wine, no hard liquor.
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It’s normal to have alcohol after celebrations. Most ppl can control their consumption. Anyone with an addiction knows it’s up to themselves to manage it, not for the rest of the world to conform to them. I’m sure they expect liquor to be served and I imagine they are very familiar with making their own choices.
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Welcome to marriage… compromise!
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I would allow it. It’s his wedding too just be sure that there are a lot of non alcoholic options.
I’m a recovering alcoholic and I know there be alcohol in the world and I have a choice. I always give myself a way out and don’t put the normies in a uncomfortable place cause I have a problem. Remember your getting married can’t just be your way it’s a give and take relationship, and I understand your protecting your family but we’re stronger than you think. Hugs and prayers 
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Definitely alcohol. I had an alcohol free reception and honestly it was would have been much more fun if there was booze.
It’s no one’s fault they were alcoholics hopefully they are strong enough not to care but it should be allowed but compromise is good kinds s tough one
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Nope. Alcohol isn’t a requirement to have a good time.
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They are adults and should be able to make their own decisions. You should serve alcohol for those that like to drink.
Allow the alcohol. Those in recovery that are actually working the program know that they can’t always just avoid alcohol.
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Recovering alcoholics will need to go out into the world and make grown up choices - like not to drink just because it’s available.
This shouldn’t make anyone uncomfortable, they aren’t your responsibility.
Your husband shouldn’t have to not have what he wants at his own wedding because of anyones inability to say no.
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Two drink limit? Blame it on the venue if you can.
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save your money for setting up housekeeping. A keg of beer and a keg of birch beer, and when they’re kicked, they’re kicked.
The fact that a bunch of your family are recovering alcoholics should be of concern to your soon to be husband but on the other hand it’s “y’all’s day” notice I didn’t say “your” day. That’s a concept that many brides often forget! Maybe do some cute wrist bands for guest and those with the issues be a dot or star that the bartender can recognized 
Have a dry reception my parents did
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I bought extra alcohol free champagne for the ones who have been sober.
I would do a bar. Beer & wine Mixed drinks no shots or a pay bar for liquor.or just include beer and wine. Maybe do a tea and coffee spot for those who don’t drink.
Sorry its a wedding Al says booze unless its at a church hall I don’t drink so I just have water or pop its your wedding n his not theirs
It’s an awful hard situation but I’ve never known a wedding not to have booze. Have a self pay bar, that way it’s not free so readily available. Whilst it might be difficult for your family members there will be lots of other times they come into contact with booze as it’s part of life. Get them to speak to their sponsers about how they are feeling so they can help give them the tools they need to be strong
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No open bar but also have free non-alcoholic drinks unlimited. It allows people who want to drink to drink at their own expense and those who don’t, have the option of unlimited drinks.
My wedding was alcohol free since I was recovering myself. Some people hated it but too bad. They went and had a BYOB party later that I didn’t attend.
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Have the alcohol an sodas an juice it’s up to the people in recovery to handle themselves not you an your husband at your wedding if they can’t handle it they can leave or nicely decline to go they can’t always avoid certain situations an events
Do a bring your own beverage. Or do a self pay bar in a small corner and you could limit the amount of drinks guests can buy and make it for a set time of when bar opens and when it closes. Could do just beer and wine bar. It is both yalls wedding. So you need to compromise. But if your family can go into restaurants that serve alcohol and refrain from buying it or go in a gas station and refrain from buying it then I think they’ll be fine at the wedding and they can refrain from buying it there.
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I’m sure they can make they’re own decisions not to drink that’s not your finances responsibility to make sure they don’t drink.
Its HIS day to. Why should he have to be worried about any adult who cant make responsible decisions on their own.
It’s their responsibility to not over do it.
“Anyone in recovery knows what they need to remain sober unless they are new to recovery and then they know to keep away until they can be around. I also don’t go sit at a bar. But I’m able to sit and have a convo with my son and not be tempted.” Is what my FIL a recovering alcoholic always says. He doesn’t want anyone making any special Accommodations for him. So if we have something at our home we don’t put the liquor away.
No alcohol before or during the wedding. After that, let those who party party and the party poopers go home…lol
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This wouldn’t be a compromise. No booze. They can go to a bar after if they desperately need the booze.
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I would not because neither of us drink and I’m really against alcohol in general. I also have a lot of alcoholics in my family. If you want to compromise though I might do wine and beer only rather than a full bar.
Tell him it is too much money!Then just say no!
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In latino households that isn’t even a question a wedding isn’t a wedding without beer and liquor. You could have like a happy hour bar and pay a bartender to check ids and have it out of the way so it isn’t the center of the party
My fiancé is in recovery, so 90% of his friends are from NA or AA, and we’re having alcohol. I can’t stress enough that temptation is everywhere… restaurants, grocery stores etc and if someone can’t control themselves then that’s on them. My fiancé said the same thing 
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Maybe have the first part of the reception alcohol free and let your family know that after a certain time, alcohol will be served.
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Never been to a wedding without at least beer and wine… honestly I wouldn’t be happy at a dry wedding. Probably be a pretty short reception if you decide to go alcohol free.
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We did not buy alcohol at all but there was a bar in the hotel we had our wedding so people bought at their own expense
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Byob wedding- thats what i will do as i am sober but my partner isnt
Have a weed bar then everyone will be happy😊
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Our weddings in august. We are NOT serving alcohol. Guest may bring their own, but we told them it must be discrete. We don’t want it advertised in support of others sobriety.
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Maybe just do beer and wine?
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Not your responsibility to worry about others that are in recovery that is their responsibility serve the alcohol
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My husband’s family are alcoholics. When we got married in October I flat out said if there is any alcohol use at all, any alcohol brought, if they come intoxicated they will get a police escort out. People called pissed and threatened not to come or threatened to sneak in alcohol. Needless to say our wedding was small and there was NO ALCOHOL.
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I would either not have alcohol or only have wine/champagne