I’m a bonus momma to a sweet, sassy, and lovin 7 year old girl. I’ve raised her with my husband since she was 1. Her mom used to get her more than every other weekend. We live approximately 20 mins from her…however, she doesn’t help. She doesn’t ask how her daughter is. She gets our daughter every other weekend, with no communication in between. Doesn’t ask about school, call to talk to her, nothing. We originally had a court order (from 3 years ago) where daughter would go a week with mom, week with us etc. Then mom said we could have full custody. She doesn’t help financially. We give our daughter a loving, fun home. She’s in sports, extra curricular… we pay for everything. I’ve asked her for help, or if she would mind chipping in…but she never does. She works. Has two other kids…but I’m debating on talking with my husband about taking her to court for child support. Our daughter doesn’t ask about her Mom, and I don’t bring her up…. When she does come home from her moms, her attitude is horrible and behavior is completely flip flopped. We normally just let her go about her usual day and brush off the behavior because we know it’s because of Mom. Would you take her back to court? Would you just let it go? We aren’t hurting financially, but, the help would be nice.
I’d let it go. It’s not worth the drama it will bring. Peace is worth everything.
In the end it works both ways as well. Did dad ever let mom know about school, activities, appts? If he takes her she can just say she wants the old order back in place as well. If something isn’t broken don’t fix it
Nope I’d let it go, I mean she was probably financially not able to take care of her.
I wouldn’t even bother she just probably wouldn’t pay I would definitely just have her sign her rights over to the hubby
Nope not if you dont need it. Not worth it, $$$ makes women ruthless…
Child support is a childs right. She deserves both emotional and financial support from both parents.
If you go to court, go for full custody, not support. You cant force someone to be an emotionally involved parent.
If this were flopped and it was dad only getting her every other weekend, mom would file instantly and everyone on here would encourage her to. If she isn’t helping when asked (as you stated) as least with some things then file. Maybe speak with her first and find out why and see if you you all can come to some agreement first.
I mean, if it’s not needed don’t take it. If she willingly gave up full custody, I’d ask to adopt. 
Yes. She should support her daughter In every way and that includes financially.
I say yes. If you dont need put in a savings account maybe you will. Parents should be copable, the child deserves for her mother to pay CS
Just my opinion… I feel like if this were about a father paying, a few of the answers would be different. I see no problem with filing for child support, but the custody agreement could change along with that.
I would just leave it alone. You and your husband have full custody and mom only sees her every other weekend it isn’t worth potentially stirring the pot. If all are happy and it’s working then just let it be. I know it’s frustrating but you get to raise her and have her with you and that itself makes it worth it. Also courts will look at her finances and your households and make decisions on that…. Sometimes things can backfire too. Just keep being the awesome bonus mom and supportive wife. 
If you feel like you need it, go for it. If not, let it go. It sounds like mom doesn’t want to be involved, and daughter will eventually see that. Or if you do go for it, put it in a savings account for her so she can have it when she’s older.
Get the custody modified to what it is now. Do a motion for child support too. You really need to modify that order. Good luck
I say always try for child support. There’s nothing wrong with both parents putting in financial effort and responsibility for their own child.
Also. Thank you for being an awesome step parent. You’re amazing. Sending you love and respect
Yes you should but do you have the custody in place already? If you don’t then she could easily just say she wants to go back to every other week and have 50/50 custody, ensure the custody is taken care of so that she doesn’t end up stuck with someone who doesn’t care for her.
You’ve raised her since 1yo. Mum isn’t interested emotionally or financially. It’s not worth the battle.
Not worth thr hassle. If anything, maybe have less weekends for daughter to go
I think it would be more trouble than what it’s worth tbh especially since it already sounds like her mother has no interest in being involved. Just keep being the best bonus mom you can be for her and one day she’ll realize how toxic her mother is and will remember who was in her corner. Cut her off before she ruins this baby’s emotional health. I’m still trying to heal from childhood trauma and it sucks.
I would honestly have the custody agreement modified since she is with you and your husband more. I would also file for child support. You don’t necessarily have to have it taken from her paycheck, but she should still help support her child.
I would file if I was you. she has an obligation to help support her daughter just like every other parent does. It’s helpful to have a court order, everything written out, so there’s no surprises down the road. Update the court order with her new visiting arrangements too. Get it written down that you both have full custody.
I say do it but first consider the bad and the good not just getting financial support. If she pays the child may have to go there more and the mom may hold you to it. You never know. Honestly I would go for custody instead of support but honestly you guys deserve to get support just like any mom with full custody does imo
Honestly I don’t even think it’s worth it especially if you’re not hurting if you take her back to court she doesn’t want to pay she’ll probably fight for 50-50 and then it will disrupt the child’s life I will leave it alone
I say let it go. You may wake “the beast” if you start demanding anything.
Shes not a mom. Shes a deadbeat. She made the kid too. She gotta support her. If this was a dad saying take full custody no woman would hesitate on getting child support.
Honestly it’s not worth it, sounds like she doesn’t care. I would talk to her and your hubby about getting her to sign off rights and be done with it
Having a happy child is worth more than any amount of money the bio mom could provide.
If this was about a man doing this everyone would say yes, go for child support. Mothers can be deadbeats too.
Speaking from experience just let it go.
If your current court order says week each, She could end up having her back as that just to not pay child support which is not good for the child if that’s the only reason she wants her, unless you are massively struggling to keep food on the table and roof over your head I personally wouldn’t bother, if you view her as yours and your husband can then I wouldn’t ask her for anything, it may end up hurting the child more than you stand to gain
I get you are an involved step parent…but this is something the custodial parent should be considering and if he isn’t bringing it up then you shouldn’t be concerned of it…seems you are the only one worried about it and makes it look like a money hungry move since you stated you didn’t need it.
Mmmmmmm how about you ask bio mom to give up her rights and you legally adopt your daughter? … because that’s what she is, she’s your daughter. Make it official and cut unnecessary unloving people out. No need for her money.
Make sure you have full custody through the court.
Not worth the battle . Give her less time with her mom since she comes home in horrible moods . She has other kids already .She is in the best place with you and the hub.
She is obligated to help financially support that child, doubt if it was the father not paying that the people here would say it’s not worth it.
If I paid to go to court I would go for full custody, but before doing that I would maybe do some family counseling to verify that would be what your girl would like… Im sure her acting out upon returning is she sees what the other kids get and she has been excluded
I would leave it alone. She might get spiteful and start taking her more out of spite and not actually wanting to.
Not worth it at all. If you have to try and make a parent help take care of their child they not worth your time and u will also take a chance of the courts making y’all’s daughter go with her way more and obviously y’all’s daughter is content with every other weekend. And also since your just the step mom I wouldn’t say anything. If the dad wants to do it let him do it on his own!
I wouldn’t bother. I tried everything to get my ex-husband out of child support. It’s a waste of time, energy, and services others could utilize.
Sounds like she’s worse off financially than you. If she goes back to court and decides she wants to go back to shared time and has shared custody then it could backfire for you.
If your husband is not bringing it up himself i really dont think its your place to bring it up. The court order is between the father mother and child not father mother child and you. This is how step mothers and step fathers boyfriends or girlfriends over step their boundaries. Stay in your lane and let the dad decide if he wants to take her back to court.
If you’re asking if you should take a MAN for child support, all these people would be on here saying ’ yes! " " he’s a deadbeat " " he made the kid too " " make him pay for his kid "
But you’re asking if you should take a woman for support it’s " let it go " kinda funny.
It’s the same thing. She made the kid, she only sees her twice a month- if that. Make her support her kid just like a dad would have to.
Yikes, by not caring about her daughter through the weeks. Just sound like she might even going through emotional abuse on her visits. Does she want to go visit her mom? Id take her to court just to keep her from hurting the little girl.
If you aren’t hurting financially don’t go out of your way to hurt your child emotionally, that’s what court would do.
How does your daughter feel about contact with her bio mom ? Is she interested in staying with her or happy to stay with you full time ?
Youve got full custody…through the courts ?..
Depending how your daughter feels id be back at court. Full legal custody sorted out and visitation rights only for bio mom.
How that would affect child support i dont know but if you don’t need it…save it for her. Even if its a token amount its your child’s right to claim it
It’s not “our” daughter, it’s THEIR daughter. I’m sure you pushed her out and now want to talk shit like you’re step mom of the year.
Why are you worried about it if dad hasn’t brought child support up? I don’t get how some step parents think that it’s up to them when it’s not if dad isn’t saying anything then he’s obviously not worried about it so why are you. Also many kids can act up when they go from mom the dads every weekend or whatever it don’t mean moms not being mom just sometimes kids will do this as rules are different in different homes and that’s ok. Stay in your lane and let your husband deal with bio mom.
I took my ex for child support. He never paid. The day we went back.to court after my son turned.18, he was going to prison. I wrote it off. Canceled everything.
After 18 years of doing it on my own, that only added extra stress. I wish I would have never took him for it.
I wouldn’t bother with it. Keep things as they are.
The only reason I say no is because technically none of you are following the court orders you have now so it could very well backfire and she could just end up back with 50/50 custody which I don’t think is what anyone wants. If you don’t need the money I’d leave it.
If she wants to sign over her rights you have to go back to court and she will not see her daughter at all
I would ask the daughter how she feels about it
Yikes these comments. If this was about getting child support from a man, y’all would be all over that shit. “Mothers” need to be held accountable just like fathers.
It isn’t your place to ask her Mom for anything, whether you helped raise her or not. That’s the downfall of being a step parent. You have no rights no matter how much you do for them. If your husband decides to bring it up to her or bring her to court for child support it could back fire, & he could end up getting less time with his daughter. Quit obsessing over his ex & continue being step mom, that’s what you signed up for.
Yes, you should absolutely go after child support. Why are a lot of people saying not to? Because she’s a woman? This is so weird. She needs to help support her child, just like a man would be expected to. Whether you need it or not, your child deserves that extra money. You could always just save it for her.
I mean if this was a man we were talking about we would all be saying go for it but since it’s a mom everyone feels that she does not have to help with the daughter who she helped create what’s fair for a man is fair a woman
If you don’t need it it’s not worth the hassle. You might stir a pot you could regret stirring later on.
If you need the help then insist on it. Otherwise, let it go
Don’t even bother. We deal with a very similar situation with my step son. His dad got custody right before we got together 3 years ago. He’s had custody since around the beginning of 2019. She had every other weekend. She is ordered to pay $100/mo and the only reason it gets paid now is bc they garnish her wages. She moved right down the road, a mile, about a year ago and would start getting him more. Now, she’s moved again, about 20 minutes away. It’s not convenient for her anymore. She never calls, nothing. However, she FaceTimes her other son every day. Who she doesn’t have custody of either. She doesn’t pitch in with medical, nothing. When he comes back from his visit, he’s an absolute nightmare. I would honestly be thankful. His momma only wants to see him when it’s convenient for her or so that she can be mom of the year on FB.
Mixed feelings on this one. Bio mom should absolutely be supporting her daughter, but is she able to? Would that put the other children at a deficit, while you’re just fine financially. Would it add elements of stress to all your lives by pursuing something you don’t absolutely need? To be fully honest, it seems like you’d just like to punish her mom/cause drama/have resentment for her because you said you don’t really need it.
At no point did I hear you are struggling. Child support is to help yes but if dad dont need it to support the child then it’s not needed. Even if you raised this kid since 1, it’s not your decision and if you take her back to court it could lead to a mess with the kid and parents. Dont stir the pot if you are all getting along and not struggling. If her dad wanted it then they would have done it in court that way already. Leave their lives alone b4 you make the child you hold so dearly miserable with court and possibly lose your husbands full custody
First thing yall need to worry about is getting the court order updated to match the custody arrangement yall made amongst yourselves. Once that’s signed off on then I’d revisit child support. If you file for support now she could force you to follow the 50/50 plan just to dodge any financial responsibility for the child since she can then say she has her 50% of the time…
Whatever you do, just make sure all the adults are keeping the child’s wants and needs first.
I think I would just let that so called mom stay uninvolved.
You need to go back to court. I’m not sure if child support is worth the hassle depends on your situation but you need to get primary custody. If you don’t she could try to force the issue. Do what’s best for the child that’s what matters
ABSOLUTELY go for it!!!
do not listen to anything anyone else is saying abojt not too or its not worth it - bc the child IS WORTH it, period!!!
unless your husband is not on board, then i guess its a no, but if he is… YES take her
Yes of course she should pay CS!!! that’s her damn child! If it were a dad, people would be screaming CS.
I would take it back to court if she was my child but in your situation that’s really up to her father. He is the one with legal rights for your bonus kid.
Do it. It’s her kid too, just like a man, she’s responsible for that child’s life.
Sounds like you’re more than capable and willing to finance the lifestyle your giving your bonus child… it’s up to the father ultimately since it’s his ex that’d be taken to court.
If you are already giving her everything she needs then why bother. If her father isn’t concerned then I don’t see the point. I don’t see why you would want to bring up the issue.
My ex doesn’t do crap for the kids or hardly see them. I don’t bother going after him. We are capable of paying for stuff.
Its not worth opening up that wound.
Of course she should pay child support. It’s exactly what we would expect out of a father who doesn’t have physical custody. If the money isn’t needed in the household, it can be saved for the child’s future.
I pay child support and get my kids when ever i want them witch is all the time! She should have to pay child support she layed down and had her she can help support her
It depends on if you have documentation that the bio mom said you could have full custody and the daughter just visits bio mom. If that is written somewhere…text message something then yes go for it! She can’t deny or fight for anything because she already greed. But if it’s all word of mouth he said she said you can still be possible but harder to get what you want. I’ve dealt with this on both sides…my sons dad and my now exes baby momma. With my ex we ended up getting full custody of his kids because of the things she said that were documented
To be honest we if you’re financially ok then I would leave it. Because there is a high chance she won’t pay anyway. I would go to court and get full custody since mom said you can have it. But finance wise it’s gonna be a headache. And you’ll end up more frustrated. Plus is she financially ok for the other 2 kids? Does she get the other kids what they need? And do you want to take away from that.
But she should pay child support but if it’s stressful now it’s gonna be worse later. But she should cause it’s also her child
The more you do too hurt the mom,the more the kid will resent you.She won’t be little forever.One day you’ll have grandkids too fuss about.
I wouldn’t worry about it. You’re able to be mom and that’s all that matters. If she was biologically yours you wouldn’t even question getting financial help. That’s the way my mind is working. I am also a single mom with zero help from the bio dad (Before anyone says anything) And I don’t go after him for child support. I’m just thankful to have my kids with me where I know they are safe and cared for. Money is just money. The child is what’s most important
As a step parent myself of 13 years and everyone saying she shouldn’t have decisions yeah legally maybe but if she raised that child she most definitely should have a say. She never once said she was going to try to get child support she asked if she should speak to her husband about it. Parents should be helping with their children no matter what regardless if the other parent is capable of getting by.
In my opinion feel blessed that she is with you as much as she is. I mean if you’ve been without the support all this time is it REALLY going to make a financial difference? I totally understand the principle of it, if she gave y’all full custody that means she isn’t able to care for her or feels she’s better off with you and your husband
I would let it go because if you ask for money she might ask to alter the custody agreement.
If this was a man and father and you would be shouting about “he should be supporting HIS kid” then be sure you are saying exactly the same and not claiming instead “dOn’T sTiR tHe PoT” or “wHy sHoUlD sHe StRuGgLe” 
what’s good for non supportive fathers should be good for non supportive mothers 
I am a strong believer if you can play you can pay so go for it
Why not? The fact that she doesn’t have male genitalia doesn’t mean she gets a free pass from paying child support.
Just be prepared for her to fight it and try for more custody/visitation.
If you can afford the child I wouldn’t go for it and if it would impact the two kids she’s trying to raise that would be a second reason.
I would go for full custody and I wouldn’t ask for child support you’re her mom not her
Honestly I think you’re better off not asking for anything, she may turn it around and want your blessing child a lot more. I would leave her alone your daughter will grow up and know what she didn’t do, without you saying or doing anything.
Child support is your child’s right not your option
Let it go and love ur child the best money can’t buy what she needs
If you & her Dad have custody & her Mum isn’t taking her at least half the week then yes absolutely ask for child support. If it was a father in the same situation it would be expected of him. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Her mother paying child support is what’s fair & right. She should be doing it without being asked, especially if she’s working. If she doesn’t make much money then use probably won’t get much but still she should be contributing towards her daughter. Don’t feel guilty or hesitant about asking for child. Even if she gets mad. You are only doing what is fair for her daughter & yourselves so you have absolutely nothing to be worried about. Good luck
If she seems to have it like that yeah fine…but if not then all you’re doing is putting her in a position to possibly go to jail for not being able to pay a measly 100 or so a month. Maybe aim for full custody w no visitation instead, if this is really about the girls best interest
Women shouldn’t be allowed to be dead beats . They should be held to the same standard when your talking about a father. If you would have rewrote this to be a man, I bet all these comments would be different.
Ok so you call her your daughter. You’ve basically helped raise her. With you she has 2 parents and financially you’re fine so why bother? Look, I get that both parents should be financially responsible for their children but why expect anything from a parent who obviously doesn’t care especially since you all aren’t struggling financially? I mean you married her father and with that you also took on the responsibility of taking care of a providing for this child which you have done and that’s awesome. Don’t sweat the small stuff and right now, money is small stuff
If your financially stable (as you stated) WHY do you concern yourself with this if the bio dad isn’t?? Bio dad has the legal right, not you lol and at the end of the day, I would think you would be more concerned about the daughters mental health!! If she’s doing well all around then drop it and stay in your lane until Dad sees fit to pass you!!
Yes, file for child support!!! Because if this was a bio mom asking if she should go for child support from dad,everyone would say yes! So mom should have to be financially responsible too so file!!
Leave it alone Or let her father determine that. You bringing it up can cause issues when said child goes on visits with Bio Mom.
No child support… I raised my Son Alone as a struggling Single Parent. We did just fine. Love is more Important than money.
If you don’t NEED the money, I’d probably try to keep it out of court simply bc that would likely be in the best interest of yalls daughter. She’ll see this situation for what it is soon enough and that will cause her plenty of heartache. But she’ll also appreciate how you’ve gone out of your way to do what you didn’t have to for her. She’ll also push her mom away, knowing that she wasn’t a priority in her life.
If you’re so well off then why rock the boat. What does the dad think is all that matters in this situation.
Get a therapist to assess the situation. It sounds like something is happening at mom’s that isn’t good for her.