I recently went back to work about 1 week now and I work about 1 1/2 hours away to and from depends on traffic so early mornings and late nights is when I come and go and I’m pooped by the time I get home cause I work 12 hour days as a truck driver my husband is a truck driver as well and he should be able to understand what I’m going through of being tired. Well anyways I’ve noticed I’ve been just feeling so alone lately I really don’t talk to him all day and when we talk it’s like nothing to talk about or he tells me I’ll call you later I’m on the phone with my friends or just reject my calls cause he’s watching tv on his phone between loads it’s been going on for a while now and every time I ask him for us time in the bedroom he like uhh I guess and is like okay you on top you start it and it’s always about him never about me. He gets it when ever he wants I never tell him no and when I want it he tells me no or even pushes me away. When we are home he expects me to clean cook laundry feed the dogs everything when I wasn’t working I wouldn’t see a problem and would do it. And now that I’m working he doesn’t want to help and gets upset for everything if his laundry isn’t done and doesn’t got anything he tells me what did you do? That you couldn’t wash You haven’t done nothing I never have clean clothes and always makes me feel low like I’m not doing my job. And recently he’s opened his own bank account we’ve always had a joint until like a few weeks back I wasn’t working so I didn’t have any money he’ll send me money as needed to our old account and that’s it. That’s what pushed me to start working again to make my own and not feel like I need to explain or beg for him to send me money. So anyways I bought him this project car from my brother and he is fixing it little bit at a time and recent money has became a problem I’m not sure why I don’t get my first check until next week so I’m still depending on him. He gave me his bank card so I can buy lunch and whatever I needed for work and he used Apple Pay if he needed something. I tried giving him back his card and he’s like no keep it so you can buy things you need anyways I go to bath & body target buy things for the house and he’s like why did you spend so much money I only spend 200 in total and I was like no not really relax. Then he calls me and yells at me that a payment went through on his card for $400 and he has no money now when that payment was for our season tickets to a football game so we both use them he knew about it so it’s no surprise that it went through. He then text me saying thanks to you I’m always broke I never have money it’s always your fault always man. And I didn’t text back just to avoid the whole argument and a few hours pass doesn’t call I call him and he just rejects my call and I’m at the pointing feeling alone avoided. I dunno I don’t want to beg him to talk to me but I feel just sad and want to cry but I don’t wanna show my emotions that I’m hurt.
Girl let him go. Save up some checks, get your own place & go from there. He does not treat you like a wife & you deserve way more then that.
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I’m having a problem reading through this but I am thinking the main issue is money and household chores? He’s used to you keeping house and doesn’t like the change no clue how to fix that but try to get him to help or hire someone also if he gave you a card for lunches and such why spend it at Bath and Body? Tell him about the tickets but Honestly things sound more serious
Why not let him know you’re hurt?
Opening a new bank account separate is a sign of cheating
Dump him. He doesn’t respect you.
If the love isn’t reciprocated leave. No one is worth you feeling unhappy and being alone I had this for 8 years and eventually he left but since then I have never felt happier and learnt that if I ever felt as rubbish with someone again I would 100% leave because id rather be happy alone than miserable and unloved in a terrible relationship.
Sounds like a bunch of high school drama… That’s really all I gathered from this. Other than your super codependent on your husband from the sounds of it. That’s not healthy at all.
Also don’t spend hundreds of dollars. Be smarter with the money. I’d be annoyed to if I was getting $400 charges on my credit card from my wife
To me it sounds like he is taking your self worth away.marriage is meant to be a partnership, not you answering to him as if you are the lower person .you shouldn’t just accept it, it will get worse year after year. One day you will wake up and realize there is nothing of you left . If you don’t see him changing you should get out of relationship.be happy.you are important.
Write him a letter telling him how you feel. End it. Move on.
What would you tell your daughter if she told you all this was happening?
When he changed the bank account that’s when I would have walked out.Things like that needs to be decided beforehand.
He is being shady. Save ur money. U may need it.
Opened his own checking account and rejecting calls because of “friends”
Sounds like he’s planning on moving on…maybe the "friend " is a side chick
When he got a separate bank account that’s when I would be suspicious if you do is laundry check his pockets check his shirt collars sounds like he’s got a side piece
Well good thing you have a job because if a few hundred dollars goes through and he claims he has no money then you two really weren’t making that much money. I would say set up a private account of your own and start saving because this marriage may not last if you two can’t respect and love each other.
Cry in private and leave him. He will notice when it to late.
I’d been gone a long time ago. He’s a man child. F*ck him and his narcissistic a$$ ways. Nope.
I would have to agree with him $200 is alot maybe try walmart or the dollar store and as far as the $400 for the season passes that is ridiculous if you do not have the time and he does not have the time then how are y’all going to go to a game with both of y’all working and being that busy that you both don’t even have time for one another
Where are you getting season tickets for $400???
Follow the advice you would give someone if they were in this situation and were telling you about it
Him keeping money separate all of a sudden is a big fat red flag. Time for a serious talk and ultimatum if necessary
He sounds like a dick… no advice… just virtual hugs.
He set up an account for what? Ask him why.
Why did he give you his card ?
I can’t imagine why except to accuse you of spending all His money. Some men try to start an argument. Trying to say the relationship didn’t work because of you. He’s planning on leaving and needs a good excuse. Don’t use his card. Leave it in the dresser or table. Let him see you are not using it. That way he can’t accuse you of foul play. Y’all need to talk. Sit down and have a heart to heart. Tell him it’s imperative to continue in this relationship.
listin to you gut lots of red flags
My husband said he’s either got a side chick and don’t want you seeing transactions or he’s bored of you.
So… don’t depend on him. There is always something shady when they start having seperate accounts. Do you
Why would you not want to show your emotions that you’re hurt? Communication is key. You need to show your feelings and talk to him. Him starting another account, sounds like he’s planning something to me… prepare yourself!
If he gave you his bank card so you can get lunch why would you go spend 200 on bath and body works/target. Thats 200 that ain’t yours. I’d be kinda mad too unless you asked. Anyways that doesn’t sound good at all
Cheater flags. But i do think 200 is an amount you talk to your spouse about spending
I made it half way thru…
Get your own acct and learn to budget. No buying “things for the house” if you don’t need it.
Save as much as you can and leave.
It’s beyond time.
Sounds like u do everything he wants to the point he basically treats u like a dude.
How long have you been married? Everything sounds so strange to start happening all at once and out of blue. Him opening another account is sus. Something is not right with him he’s doing something….
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Do u maybe have a friend or family u could go stay with for a little bit? He needs to see what it’s like not having u there to rely on, if he’s thinking u really don’t do “anything” now, wait til u really aren’t there to do it all, and on top of working. Maybe it’ll be an eye opener and if not, then u know he’s checked out and go from there. Good luck and stay strong
It’s time to start saving as much money as you can, then file for divorce. He sounds very unhealthy
Need to sit down have a face-to-face talk seems to be a problem there focus on the solution not the problem
Get your own separate bank account and put your checks in there. Save as much as you can so you’re prepared for the worst.
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I’d leave his ass. Because apparently he don’t care. You have a job now so I’d save my money open your own bank account and find a new place to stay.
I would start giving him the same treatment. Start living for yourself, go to work & come home and clean up after yourself only. Try not to ask for much. Be as independent as you possibly can so he notices the change. Hopefully he will realize how you’re feeling and you guys can work it out.
This was my life until I discovered he had been cheating… I even posted questions like this asking for advice. Your intuition knows, trust your gut! You know when your being loved and when your not.
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The Signs are all there. Don’t ignore them. Get out before u have any kids.
dont depend on this man. run run run…never depend on a man
I’d throw the whole man away and find someone who treats you the way you deserve. Which is waaaaaait better than that.
Don’t trust him. Changing the checking account to just him is a big one. His pleasure only in the bedroom is #2, I would bet he’s having an affair or planning on it. Get yourself an account, save as much as you can and get out while you can
I am afraid the handwriting is on the wall. Whenever your mate loses interest in you and finds fault in what you are doing, he has something or someone he is interested in. It may not be a woman. You have 2 choices. Plan your escape or suggest counseling. If he values you and the relationship he will go, if not, start your escape plan.
Sounds like you have a job…good for independence and I would look for a good attorney
He’s got something going on in the background , gets your ducks in a row… get as much money saved up as you can
I mean as of this specific thing, he gave you the card for lunch & stuff you needed…" Stuff " for the house doesn’t fall under a " need " to me 🤷 he wanted you to be responsible about $ and you spent $200 knowing the $400 was coming & probably knew how much there was to start with…sooooo I can’t bash him for being kinda upset
However just ignoring you isn’t how husband’s & wives solve any kind of issues…if he feels like he needs to cool off before talking he should say that at least…
Also if y’all both work 12+hrs shifts with separate companies logically there wouldn’t be any extra time…and being alone a lot…causes feelings of loneliness…
As far as the sex stuff… start doing what he does and when he feels some kind of way about it point out that it’s what he’s been doing… sometimes the only way to understand is by example…
There isn’t anything wrong with having separate bank accounts… plenty of couples do…and considering your " it’s just $200 " attitude I would probably want a separate one as well 🤷 $200 is a whole ass bill…there would be my car payment or electric bill gone… For " stuff " I wouldn’t be thrilled either
At first I was thinking he was upset you went back to work (since he brought up things around the house not being done). But then you said he has been complaining about money. Idk it sounds like he’s not happy in the relationship and is kinda selfish. In my opinion, now that you are working, household duties should be done at 50/50. It takes TWO for a relationship and it seems like he’s putting in 0 effort… so yeah you probably do feel lonely
If you don’t feel safe expressing your emotions, and your partner is not solution oriented as you seem to be, then this is no longer a viable relationship. You sound miserable. Why stay?
Start saving . Sounds to me like hes working on an escape plan , you need to form one as well
Keep your checks in your own account and save as much money as you can. Too many red flags here. I’m glad you are working now. Personally I would never trust anyone enough to leave the workforce because when the relationship ends, the one not working is often left with little to nothing.
I just want to out this out there because it is in fact a thing. Him controlling the money is a form of abuse. It is spousal control with money.
Therapy or a divorce. Those are literally your only 2 options.
I think this lady needs to find some way to bring joy into her life…something that doesn’t involve what’s-his-name. It sounds like he’d a self centered boob
Okay so I went through something similar in my marriage. Turns out my then-husband was having an affair. Our marriage ended. On an off chance that your husband isn’t having an affair, there was a great suggestion above about budgeting, division of chores and relationship expectations and marriage counselling. That’s a fantastic idea if you feel your relatuinship is worth trying to salvage. Sometimes we are quick to walk away but don’t torture yourself trying too hard if your efforts aren’t being reciprocated.
Sit down and go over budget.
Set reasonable expectations on housework division
Discuss sex frequency and tolerance.
Then get thee to a marriage counselor after those discussions happen.
Sounds like he has checked out. If you’re getting the feeling trust your gut. He’s a grown man he can help out don’t just suffer through it say something speak up. If that doesn’t help then it’s time to MoveOn easier said than done but it’s something that needs to be done. Know your worth and it sounds like this is not it
You have a job now so it makes it even easier to do what you need to, leave. It sounds like he just wants you around to do stuff for him.
yeah- men don’t like change. He LIKES you coming to him for $$$- it gives him satisfaction. He’s not interested in your being anything other than his “wife”. Now that you are aware, you have a decision to make- is HIS definition of your relationship enough for you? Do you want to save this relationship if not? Did you even discuss going back to work with him in the 1st place? He’s made it clear he’s not willing to pick up the slack around the house- so- hire a housekeeper? If you are truly interested in saving this relationship, then YOU will have to find a way to make it a win-win without his help, Good luck ~
Sounds like an arrangement! Not much relating going on! Also you aren’t sharing perspectives, values, level of commitment, effort etc…You have decisions to make.
- He is a adult man. He can do his own laundry. My children and grandchildren do their own laundry at 12yrs old.
2.It’s nice to make supper for a partner or spouse or friend. But u cook he cleans up.
He cooks u clean up.
U r not the maid
What ever you do. DO NOT give up the job. This is his way of breaking you down to give up the job so he can have everything done for him again. This job will be your road to freedom and confidence.
I would never drive an hour and a half for any job.
You have no time for your husband or your kids. You don’t have to have the same job he does. Get a more convenient job so you are home more and have more family time.
If you are both working he needs to help out with chores, period. This isn’t the 1950’s.
Just leave him and get it over with. It’s obviously never going to get better so why even bother? Throw him some divorce papers and dip out.
Props to whoever read that fucking novel
Time tonstart saving your paychecks in an account of your own and start planning your exit.
Ok. Start over. You need a whole lot more communication. Have you been a stay at home wife because you have kids? Open your own bank account immediately and have your pay direct deposit into that account. You need to work with him and draw up a household budget. Yours/Mine/Ours for spending.
If $200 at Target is a deal breaker then you both are irresponsible spending $400 on football season tickets because going to football is always more, food, travel, drinks, etc etc. It sounds like you both are stressed and both are responsible for bad communication. Do not use sex as a weapon or negotiating tactic, but damn well don’t put up with bs where it is all about him. Decide what YOU want and whether this can be solved or not. I would be mad as Hell about the way he is behaving.
You must work and must earn your own money. He must help with household chores. Being secretive or controlling about money is not OK but you must step up and ask. You may need marriage counseling and financial counseling but if you don’t you will need a divorce lawyer.
First, you’re both adults, so stop with the games. You’re married.
The issue is that you didn’t discuss the balance nor have access to it. You need to budget. If you had $400 in tickets going through, why would you spend $200 for stuff for the house? I can understand that you might not have known the balance, but it sounds like you live paycheck to paycheck, like a lot of us.
When you have large $ items that are going to post to your account, you need to prioritize the rest of your spending until next payday.
As for him not wanting to talk, he’s working. People need to be able to work without being stressed out on top of it.
I would get therapy for yourself and consult an attorney. he opens a separate bank acct. Write down the name and address from the envelope and see if you can copy any papers you find. keep them somewhere which is not your house. this is just the start.
Life is too short to be wasting time on him as he is just selfish, thoughtless and has no idea how to treat his lady at all. I would be leaving him before kids arrive to complicate it more.
Dear, how old is he? He’s replacing you with what ever doesn’t need a response… porno, whatever. But will never admit to what’s really going on. easier to lean blame on you. Cuz he knows that his response ain’t the same. Does he take prescription meds or more important… non prescription pills? Does he drink hard alcohol? Have you noticed his chest getting some fat on it. Just sayin’! He’s lucky to have some one who cares n deep down he knows it but will he be able to hold onto you? He knows you deserve better but if he let you onto it also knows he gave you permission to leave, so… it’s either suffer thru it or do as he has done & find something else that floats your boat, thing is… us gals usually don’t want something else. Family/home is everything.
Don’t beg for him to talk to you … demand it . If he doesn’t want to talk then leave .
Sounds like you need to communicate or separate. Maybe he needs a wake-up call.
Open your own bank account and save, save, save as much as you can.
Talk to him about household chores mention that you both now work.
Ask for counseling and start saving money. If he legit feels broke then do a budget together and stick to it.
Hope I am wrong but sounds like he might be looking for his independence. Don’t take the abuse!
Run, he has a new lover! That is where his money is going!
I totally feel the same in some aspects I feel so alone and trying so hard but the weekends hes great and things balance and I know it’s work and stress but my god I feel it too
Sorry your going through this
The second he opened a secret bank account in his name only, Adios. Get out of that truck and get into office work. Less money but more free time for yourself. Get two of those season tickets and sell them for the money. You’re going to need it when you move out.
Sounds like he’s already out the door and looking for any little excuse to leave and make it all your fault. Save money and leave. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Just leave and never look back. You deserve so much better.
I kinda want to see what this guy looks like. Honestly, I wouldn’t trust this guy he could be sleeping with lot lizards for all you know. Sit him down and have a long talk. Make a bullet point list of stuff that is bothering you and stand up for yourself. If he refuses to respect your boundaries and your needs then leave him. After the last relationship I was in I will say straight out don’t disrespect me. I have no tolerance for it anymore. I would never have a joint bank account. Get your own. I would even check on what he’s been spending money on if you can.
You have come to a point in your lives where things are changing. If you are unable to engage him into a heart-2-heart, it might be time to reflect on what you need to focus on, which is you. You can’t force him to engage with you. Maybe you both need space. Try to understand what he isn’t saying and focus on moving forward. Take care of yourself. When I say take care of yourself, I don’t mean, look for another man’s shoulder to cry on. Confide in someone that is nonjudgemental or takes sides. Start a journal. Journals can help you get perspective.
His interest is elsewhere— Not you n home-- get it??
He doesn’t love you anymore hunnie. Stop the misery and walk away.
Sounds like it’s time for a divorce. He’s already checked out it seems.
Start saving your money honey you’re going to need it to move out let him pay all the bills
Red flags everywhere. Sounds like you’re roommates, except he wants you to be his maid too. Either you two talk about your relationship now or it’s over. There will be no salvaging it if you both keep on how you are.
Ooen communication is the key.
Also trust your yourself, your inner knowing. women’s intuition is deeper than a man’s gut feeling.
you can both drive truck as a couple. I know people that do that and make a lot of money, they don’t even need a house. They even have a dog with them
If you can’t talk it out, it’s over. Take care of yourself.
First stop using a site like this for answers. Sit down and talk. Get a therapist sho is trained in couples therapy. I say this as a therapist. You need professional guidance.
saying you can spend and get things for the house and blaming his lack of planning for other purchases on you and yelling at you and making you feel like sh!t for things he approves of such as housekeeping (buying things for the home) sounds like his heart isn’t in the home any more. Be smart and prepare yourself to leave, he sound misogynistic anyway and only suffering comes from men like that, they use and belittle women to feel superior. Send him back home to his mum, that’s what he wants by the looks not a partner.
The second bank account is suspicious like he doesn’t want you to see where his money is going.
What’s so wrong to show your hurt ?? It won’t matter to him. You take care of yourself–n don’t worry about him He don’t care about you…