Thoughts about not having a real wedding?

Why don’t you book a restaurant and ask people to purchase their own meal and drinks instead of a gift? I’d choose somewhere with a three course deal, Send guests a preorder form to return to you so the kitchen can prepare the bulk in advance. Then you just need nice tablecloths, a few flowers to decorate the table and a seating chart so everyone knows where to sit so the waiter can find them. It’s different but the people who matter won’t mind and the people who mind don’t matter. Just explain you would like to include them in your day but it’s the only way you can afford to. I’d personally rather buy my meal than buy a gift - it’s easier and probably cheaper!

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How big of a wedding are you wanting? 28yrs. ago when my husband and I got married we did it at the spur of the moment and it was beautiful to the say least. I have 4 sisters and they got together and got the preacher set up the park setup and even did the decorations and cake and all plus contacted all the family members on both sides to let them know - we had no idea if who was going to show up but quite a few did and it was awesome - we decided on a Thurs. and we got married on Sat. If it’s something you want it can be done at a very small cost - just got to put an amount there and stick with it…we were going to just get married at the courthouse as well but my sisters surprised us and we were thankful for it but if it hadn’t happened we would still have been married and loving every moment of it.

We got married in a preacher’s living room. Just celebrated our 30th anniversary.

I did the courthouse the first time and then had a wedding in my living room the second time.

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I brought my dress from BHLDN as I wanted simple and classic. Look at BhLDN and Adrianna Pappell online, plenty of beautiful options if you prefer the type of look they cater too. Also look at bridesmaid dresses in white, is often lots cheaper.

No right or wrong. My first was courthouse and my second is a family friend,/preacher married us. I didn’t have a big wedding and I am happy. You do what is right for you.

Your only getting married once. Have a real wedding. Doesn’t need to be big and fancy. Could even do a potluck wedding.

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Me and My husband got married big wedding church law and the whole entourage almost 13 yrs ago…we talk about it now and it was to please our parents and their traditions :woman_facepalming:t2:…we think about it now and we should have just eloped would have been cheaper…and our pockets would have been nice and fat…u are already together just make it official courthouse and a small bbq

That’s what we did . I wore my favorite (all black) and I absolutely hate dresses so I went to marry the love of my life how I feel best

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If you want a real wedding then wait till you have the money for a real wedding. Honestly I k ow so many relationships. That the men said the same thing and they never gave them a real wedding.

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I had a courthouse wedding, loved it. I bought a wedding dress, my husband rented a tux. My family all dressed up as well. I bought flowers for everyone in my family, 8 of us total. Had my good photographer friend take pics. And we all went out to dinner after.

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My husband and I just had a very small ceremony with our immediate families and a couple of very close friends and then we had a huge party at a later time.

I went to a magistrate officer office with my husband, our sons, my mom and sister when we tired the knot

You don’t always have to get married as soon as you get engaged. You can save up for a year or year and a half and have a small wedding.

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I’m a courthouse person while my fiance wants one it’s all compromise

If your bf really wants to get married, he will agree on a wedding. You can have a very nice wedding on a shoe string budget.

We got a huge cabin on air bnb and invited immediate family and had the ceremony at the air bnb also! Much less expensive but still a wedding! Be creative! You could do it at a park and have someone host a bbq after… a traditional wedding is not for everyone

Ok I got married by court in 1977 but, I STILL had a chaperone until we had a church wedding in January. There was so many people that the fire marshal closed our doors! Yes, we got plenty gifts but I would’ve rather had a down payment on a house! Just remember, big weddings are a party for your guests, too expensive for your guests to have fun! You’ve already been living together so what’s the point?

I was married by a Justice of the Peace and than my family went out to dinner. It was cheaper and wonderful with out going thousands into debt

We did a court house wedding, then took a lovely honeymoon.
You don’t want to start your marriage in debt…
And there is always time down the road to do something special.

We got married in church, maybe 100 people. My sisters made their dresses for bridesmaids and vest for ring bearer. Men wore black pants and rented $5 white dinner jacket rentals. My mother made me a beautiful velvet dress. 7 children later, 13 grandkids and 48 years !!! But still no honeymoon , oh well!!!

If it’s your dream/desire to have a wedding DO SO. Never settle, yeah you can put it off but who’s to say you’ll get to see that day.
Getting married in a court might work for others but you’re not others. You’re you and your dreams matter.
Just plan it out and budget wisely. Congrats

What is a real wedding

This makes no sense. Id rather not spend the insane amount of money on a wedding/marriage that i was worried about “fading”.

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A real woman wouldnt care if its big or small. The whole purpose of being married is to have a union, if feelings fade, that big wedding you guys are planning could be what boosts it again. People will do small weddings to renew their vows to help put a spark. Its all about the two of you, small or big.

It is a real wedding tbh I wouldn’t have a big wedding it causes stress to much stress tbh

So much time and money is spent on the act of getting married rather than the state of being married. My husband and I were both married before we met. He had a big wedding the first time while I had a civil ceremony. We got married on St Patrick’s day at the Irish bar where we met. We spent less than $2500 on everything. It was intimate (20 people) and perfect. I got exactly what I wanted without spending a fortune or stressing out about anything. 3 years later we are still happily married and very happy with what we did

You guys really want to be married and if you really love eachother a big wedding shouldn’t matter. I wanted one too and my husband and I waited and waited and waited until we just decided it didnt matter, we wanted to be married so we just went and got hitched with my parents and siblings there and his parents and sibling there

Id rather have a small wedding (even just a courthouse one!) And save all that money for a kickass honeymoon!

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I’d seriously address the root cause of the ups and downs before ever getting married.
As far as a wedding… My daughter and son in law decided to get married on St. Patrick’s Day a few years ago. Like, “We’re getting married next week.” They had a ceremony in a park with family. That’s just another idea.

My oldest son got married in the state park. My daughter got married on the beach. My husband and I got married on the empress cruise with 1/2 price tickets that included dancing and dinner, literally all I had to do was show up. The same pastor married all of us. My daughter got married in a park gazebo (free) and after we went to dinner, and it was made clear separate checks. Let me teach you a few tricks. Every payday I’d buy something for the wedding. Like paper plates, and small stuff so it was affordable. Buy flowers at the grocery store and make your own arrangement. All you need is glue and ribbon. For cake, you can order two tier birthday cake in any colors cheap, but call it a wedding cake and they charge you hundreds. There are creative things you can do.

Going on 3yrs on the 29th and got married at the courthouse (had a BBQ reception type deal for family after) we’d rather spend $10k on a honeymoon instead of a wedding

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I got married at the court house to the love of my life. Our children and close family were present. I donno… I thought that WAS a real wedding…
Sure felt like it to me!

I’ve been with my fiance for 10 years!! We are now able to have a wedding. But to cut costs. We are having it in our backyard. Only invited 20 ppl to come. And after it’s a BBQ pitch in!! Only thing to buy is dress, tux,girls flower dresses, and my son’s tux. You do not have to go above and beyond! It’s ur wedding! As long as my fiance, and kids are there that’s all that matters to us!!! Our perfect wedding. Lol. Good luck to you!

A big wedding does NOT make the marriage. It’s what you do together that makes or breaks it.

Want to know how much my wedding cost? Less than $200. Bought a white dress from a thrift store and did our own tweaks to it, cake was bought at Walmart, and the food was homemade. We held the ceremony in my in-laws front yard. Today, we’ve been married almost 8 years and together over 10.
A wedding is what you make of it with the one(s) you love - not how much you spend on it. A wedding does not make a marriage nor is it what holds the couple together.
Do a small ceremony or hold it at the courthouse, and then start saving for a bigger ceremony in the future, if you want - do it on a wedding anniversary, so it can be a vow renewal.

I would say if you have that concern, you have your answer on whether or not you should even get married.

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If you actually love him your ceremony doesnt matter.
In time you will 1) either have money for a reception 2) not be married to him anymore.
My ex and I had a small outside wedding. My hubs now and I went to court house. We are in the middle of life 4 kids bills etc. Maybe at 10yrs we will have a renewal ceremony.

We have everlasting elopments that have small weddings so you can include family. Like just ceremony & appitizers & cake. 3hr total at a cute destination

My husband and I got married on a boardwalk at a park on the beach. It was free. And our family brought finger foods. He wore khaki shorts and a white button down and I bought a white maternity dress (I was 32 weeks pregnant). And his mom paid for her friend to marry us. We did our dances on the grass next to the picnic tables we reserved. All we paid for was my dress and our marriage license. His step mom made the cake herself. And his sister did my hair and make up.

There are lots of ways you can have a wedding that doesn’t have to be very expensive at all. You can have a nice wedding and not spend much money at all. My husband and I did that when we got married. You don’t have to have anything extravagant just keep it simple and hire a friend or family member to do photographs and video and you can also get a family member to bake and decorate the wedding and groom’s cake. Believe me you can get married very cheaply without breaking the bank and doing things so extravagant but it can also be elegant at the same time

Hel, I’d just be happy with him wanting to get married…

We did that! Got married at the courthouse before the baby came (I didn’t want to be a fat whale in my wedding shots). Then it took several years for me to find a venue we could afford in the area I wanted to have my wedding. But I was determined to have it. And we did, 3 years later. Just gotta put your mind to it. Set an amount to put away each paycheck, even if that means on a particularly stretched paycheck, you put your wedding money away and proceed to live on pbj, bottom shelf cereal, and ramen noodles for 2 weeks. As long as you stick to it, you will get your day. I have the attention span of a goldfish and the determination of a… goldfish? Idk. Anyway, if I can manage, ANYONE can manage! Literally. Anyone.

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We eloped. Best decision ever. Had a reception later

Being a woman has nothing to do with it lol
What happens if you have a “real wedding” and everything still fades?

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Me and my husband got married at little wedding chapel in area. They provided everything like decorations and music for wedding. Wasnt that expensive. Had our recpection at local bbq restaurant that closed off the back room for us. Our wedding was big enough for our family and close friends. Rest of money went towards our honeymoon

I got married in a courthouse, don’t invalidate that as not a “real wedding”. If feels real enough when you really want to marry that person. What if you spend all that money on a big ceremony and everything still fades. If it’s real it’ll last, if not it won’t. Sounds like you just want to be the center of attention for a day if I’m being honest.

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Get married at courthouse then have a small reception somewhere even outside

Honey a wedding is as real as you think it is in your head.Church,outside,a house,courthouse doesn’t matter.You can still take pictures,and look pretty.Have a potluck dinner with your loved ones.I was so exhausted my wedding night I wish I had a courthouse wedding.Just marry the person you love,that’s all that matters.On your 10th anniversary have a big wedding then.

So you’ve been together for 5years and once you get married then everything is gonna fade? Do the man a favor and don’t marry him.

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My friends rented a fire hall, got a fun local band & did some of the cooking for the dinner buffet (mashed potatoes, fried chicken, green beans, salad). They had someone perform the vows (they’d had a courthouse wedding the previous year), and had cupcakes & a little top cake to cut & save for their first anniversary.

You can provide self serve beer and wine or just put a bottle of red & one of white on each table & have a champagne (Asti/Prosecco) toast.

Oriental Trading Co. has inexpensive stuff & ideas. Have helium balloons on tables instead of flowers, if your venue has tablecloths, get tissue paper in your colors & put the sheets angled on top for a pop of color or add fake flower petals & some votive candles.

My daughter got married in a gorgeous park near Vegas with close friends and family—no attendants, no flowers, no fuss, and a friend got qualified to conduct the service they wrote themselves.

Then many months later had a bbq picnic and an ice cream cart (they don’t like cake) at a beach picnic shelter within a few hours drive for most for extended family and friends. Tunes on a boom box, games & beer & wine in coolers, plus champagne for a toast.

People remember the fun they had, how nice you looked, and that people were happy, not the flowers, the venue, or the food.

I worry that you are sure about the wedding but not the fiancé. Maybe get some individual therapy or marriage counseling to see if this is what you really want or if it’s just comfortable and you’re settling. Divorce is hard, expensive, and devastating for the children, so think long and hard on this. Marriage is not 50-50, it’s 110-110%.

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I guess you have to ask yourself do you love him more than a wedding. I married my best friend and we were together 50 years. We were married in Florida by a notary. No court house or big fancy wedding but we live a very good life. If you love each other all the rest is just a big show.

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Me and my fiance are just getting married at the courthouse. Then I want to go on vacation and renew our vows on the beach with photos in a few years… I’m so far from a people person. I’d rather spend all that money on a investment like a home rather than a wedding.

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My husband and I got married at the courthouse. We saved money and had a beach wedding on our 1 year anniversary. It was simple and cost effective and had a few close friends and family join us.

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I got married in a fire hall they pulled all the trucks out we had decorations put up friend made the cake we picked out artificial flowers that we put together and asked friends and family to bring a dish every body had a great time and not one person had every thing to worry about

Yeah, it was fun but overrated and the stress before and during sucked fun out of it

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I do not regret getting married but if I could do it all over again I’d skip the wedding. We spent about 13K on it that I wish we had instead kept towards buying a house. We paid for the whole wedding ourselves except for about 2K of it.
I look back at my wedding and think it didn’t bring me 13K worth of joy and happiness.

In the end its not the wedding that makes you husband and wife. That is all just a money making scheme. Yes it is nice but you don’t have to prove your love for each other through materialistic things :relaxed: if you loved him you would just want to be his no matter if it will be grand or simple :wink: food for thought

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I’m just gonna set this here.

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Follow your heart and if he does not agree that’s a red flag there

My hubby and me got married in a paint booth (he paints cars) at his shop. It was wonderful

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I got married at court house

Umm courthouse or not the action of getting legally married is a wedding. With or without the big party. :roll_eyes:
I mean if a big party is more important you shouldn’t really be marrying the guy at all :woman_shrugging:

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It was a second marriage for both of us we saved up and had a small wedding my parents paid for half of it we paid for the rest cooked food and bought some of it rented a hall and a hike box had a great time

If you are marrying the right person it shouldn’t matter where you get married! Of course most women prefer a real wedding, but that can some later! Set a date (ex. 5th anniversary) to renew yalls marriage and have a bigger wedding! In the mean time save and set a goal for that 5th anniversary, it goes by faster then you think

My hubby and I got married in a courthouse 18 yrs. ago. You don’t need a big fancy wedding to marry your best friend. I had that the first time and realized that alot of money went into stuff that you only use 1 time. Like. Shirley Hayes said, DO YOU REALLY LOVE THE GUY? OR JUST THE THOUGHT OF A BIG WEDDING?

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My husband and I got married in our backyard with just our kids and witnesses. I wouldn’t change it for the world with dress and everything it was like $200. Love doesn’t need “real wedding” to last. What matter is that you bother love and respect one another and want to spend the rest of your lives together

Marriage is much more than the wedding !

We got married through courthouse and it was AMAZING! Very nice and intimate. We only invited close family moms, dads, grandmas, sister and brother. Then we all ate at Olive Garden. This year my plan is to surprise him with a nice honeymoon cruise. We both think actual weddings are a waste and heard from plenty of close family say they regret the whole wedding. I guess it depends on YOU.

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Nothing wrong with a wedding at the court house. I would not a big wedding, it is so expensive. When you save enough money have a reception to announce your wedding

My husband and I spent 90$ on both rings, wore clothes we already had, and had a court house wedding. We bought the rings after the wedding that’s how short of notice it was. He came home from work one day and said “I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want to marry you today” and that’s what we did. Going on 2 years now and happy as ever.

And you are a beautiful couple

You won’t have a real wedding later. I don’t know of anyone who does after getting married in the courthouse.

Save allot of money go to Vegas. Or courthouse. Renew your vows later, many do.

You obviously don’t truly love this man. Don’t marry him at all since you are already worrying about it fading.

If you don’t think it will last don’t get married…

If the wedding is that important to you, you are getting married for the wrong reasons!

Been married for almost 2 years now didnt have a real wedding and nothing has faded between my husband and I.

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I got married in the courthouse :woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3:

If that’s what you can do and you both just want to be married then get married.
If you want to get married to have a wedding then you don’t need to get married.

Would I love to have a wedding someday? I guess.
Would I go back and not marry my husband just so I could have a wedding years later? NOOOPE.

Do what works for you. Like he said, you can have a “wedding” later on down the road. But a wedding doesn’t make a marriage.

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I’ve had both. The courthouse wedding was far less stress and money.

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I got married on the beach (3rd wedding). Best wedding I ever had!!!

Just don’t get married lol you’re only worried about what if it fades and you don’t get your expensive wedding.

My husband rushed our wedding. Maybe 10 people at actual ceremony and no reception. At that time I didnt care because I found out 2 days before we tried the knot that I was pregnant and had been sick as hell for a week already. But now I’m sad I didn’t get even a small reception.

We just went to court house. I bought a dress, he bought a suit. I organized an elopement package photographer and choose a spot for photos. Which we did in the morning b4 hand. We went out for dinner later that day. We plan on having a get together/reception on our first anniversary.
I was one who wanted a big wedding but we decided to do it this way. I wouldn’t change one thing about the day, it was perfect. And easily affordable with no wedding debt! It’s really up to u! Ur marrying the man u love.

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I wanna get married at a courthouse then I would like to have a romantic destination getaway and a private ceremony on the beach for us. I’ve always wanted this. It’s about the love you have for one another it doesn’t have to be the traditional way.

Do you want a wedding or a husband?

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That’s not what it’s all about. :woman_facepalming:t3: but eventually maybe later y’all can. A courthouse wedding is a wedding. A whole ceremony is for show I wanna day . It’s nice but better when y’all can really afford it then renew your vows. :slightly_smiling_face:

My SO and I have been engaged for 2 years and we have yet to get married because we both want different things. I want to elope, I don’t want a wedding it’s not me or my style. He wants a huge traditional wedding. Working in a compromise to please us both.

We got married in the courthouse… we’ve been together 17 years, married for 12 years of that… life happened ( 5 children, lol ) so we are planning on getting married again on our 15 year anniversary, or waiting till 20 year anniversary… I don’t want it right away, because I want a little time in losing some weight, and I want all my kids to enjoy the wedding, without wrecking everything, lol, my kids are almost 3, 5, 7, 9 and almost 11… so for now, it’s not bothering us so much, but we are planning to do it in our church eventually…