Before I start, I have Bipolar Manic Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. When I was 16, I was kidnapped and sexually assaulted and beaten. I am essentially a big anxiety-riddled mess ball and have been since then. I take medication for the BMDD, but my anxiety runs with everything. I’m constantly anxious, so holding down a typical retail job is something I’ve never done. I’ve always had labor jobs. Jobs I use my hands for and don’t communicate with a lot of people daily. My anxiety makes me feel like my body is constantly stuck in flight mode. Over the years, it damaged my heart, and I’m pretty underweight. That’s how severe it is. Tried everything for it—even CBD. Nothing works to relieve it. Anyways, when I got married and had kids (they’re 1 and 2), I just fell into the SAHM position. My husband makes about $65k a year so, we aren’t struggling, but my husband spends money like its on fire so, sometimes we do struggle. I mean, he never comes to me first before he buys something expensive (like, when he dropped $600 on a tattoo and didn’t tell me). I don’t know what he spends. I know that he doesn’t want to be the sole provider. I know that he doesn’t understand how much work goes into being a SAHM. I know there are things he wants to buy, but can’t. It’s a constant fight, and I get it. I don’t like not having my own money. I don’t like that he supports us on his own. I’ve always been a hard worker who worked for what she wanted or needed. It makes me feel worthless and useless. At the same time, I’m holding this house together. My kids, husband, and dogs are like wrecking balls. They’re disgusting. Nothing gets done unless I do it. I sleep 3 hours a night if that (my anxiety causes insomnia). I know that I’m already running on empty, and a job would be financially great, but I worry I won’t be able to handle it. I don’t know what to do to make this situation better. It’s a constant fight. My husband is ruthless with the insults, and I’m sick of it. Any advice?
U won’t Kno unless u try. Quit worrying about if u can handle it and juz try. That’s it that’s all.
My heart goes out to you 
I have no good advice
I’d start with a therapist, they usually have alot of resources to help get you started and work through what the meds can’t help with. Speaking from experience
Labor jobs work better for me as well, but it has definitely taken its toll on me.
I’m sorry you are going thru a whole mess…you may need to apply for disability with all the issues you are going thru and give yourself some time for counseling. You need to have a serious talk with your husband…I’m sure he doesn’t realize how much childcare will cost if you work too.
Have you tried something like home health care provider. I do it and all I do is go to someone’s home maybe cook a few meals and clean up little bit. Most of the time people just don’t want to be alone the elders I make my own hours and if you need a break take one. Good luck 
Are you on disability for your issues? If not I would recommend applying then you’d have your own money while still being a SAHM.
Trying working a few hours a day a couple times a week and if you can’t do it then don’t. You should qualify for disability. Plus with the cost of childcare your whole check would go to paying someone to care for them. It’s not worth it.
Maybe try staying home and watching one child and see how that goes along with your two. That’s what I did. I did enter the workforce again probably six years ago but I stayed home for nine years
Sorry, he sounds like a dick. I get it if his concerns were really about you guys needing the money. But it sounds more like he wants to spend money on whatever he wants and wants you to make up the difference.
Health before weath.
Husband’s don’t understand shit, instead of helping he is part of the problem, spending money on stupid shit like a selfish greedy piece of work.
Do you currently see a therapist, do yoga or take any kind of medication for your conditions? I’d start with therapy (step 1). Do you or hubby have any idea how expensive daycare is for 2 kids? Price it (steps 2). After pricing it discuss & re-evaluate. He’s also gonna have to pitch in with helping. Wishing you all the best.
Maybe start out part time slow paced like goodwill ? They hire disabled n people that have different things in life that can’t work in fast pace stress! There’s lot of part time things hire people with slow abilities or bi polar n medical issues , don’t say never n don’t give up on trying it may help you a few hours a week to better yourself in physical mental emotional ways?
EMDR -is amazing for trauma - find a good therapist that specializes in trauma healing. Meditation helps with anxiety . Prayers
I suffer from major depression and anxiety. I was of work for about 5 years. When I went back to work I found a whole new world. My confidence level went up, I have my own money, I have more energy and I dont have as much depression and anxiety. Dont underestimate yourself you may find empowerment and an outlet.you will meet new people and experiance new things. Think about it some more it may help you mentally.
Find a work from home job you can do. A friend of mine started making bath bombs in her kitchen and selling locally and now her products are being sold in local boutiques and she ships all over the US. You could make candles or sugar scrub. There’s lots of possibilities. Good luck.
Have you looked into furthering your education? You have to focus on bettering yourself so you can take care of your children and yourself. I know because it happened to me. Getting a degree was the best thing I ever did for myself and my daughter.
I’m so sorry for what you went through and the stress you are dealing with now. It sounds to me like you need sleep! Your brain and body can’t reset if it is exhausted all the time. I believe you can go back to work, but you need to first or simultaneously invest in yourself and working through your trauma. Therapy, counseling, neurofeedback, meditation, yoga… find what works for you. By working on yourself you will find a way to make a better life for your family. Love & Light 
I went through a rape and abusive relationships and seen things when I was a child that I shouldn’t have. One day my G.A.D. Just showed its ugly face put of nowhere and I spent countless days and night in the e.r with panic and anxiety attacks. Finally went to a therapist and spent 5 years there. I couldn’t hold a job, had kids and a husband that worked but sometimes made it difficult to ba SAHM. finally after 13 years I divorced, told myself my anxiety, depression, bipolar was no longer in charger and I wanted to live and make a life for me and my kids. I got my G.E.D went to collage and am now a juvenile correction officer. I was someone who couldn’t go to the grocery store without ending up in an ambulance because of my panic disorder. But therapy helped me with coping skills and the fact that I just wanted to live life for my kids and be happy. I struggle some days but I talk myself through it. Talk your mind down when u feel it coming on and try to focus on positive things. If u need to talk feel free to inbox me.
First off a person that has been through such trauma as you have knows what you can and can’t handle. PTSD, anxiety, and depression are very complicated to handle. Very much so on your own. Please seek some type of therapy. I speak from experience. It’s a long hard road. EMDR is wonderful!!!
And maybe once you get a job you can leave your ruthless insulting husband. Good luck🙂
Sounds like your ,** husband ** needs to take s good look at his spending habits re - unnecessary things for starters .
AS someone else suggested look into daycar costs compared with your potential earnings & how much you will end up with in ypur hand .
Depending on Day care operation hours will he need to step up to do drop offs / pick ups ? Just a few things to be considered .
Have you tried lamictal? It was a game changer for me. I was in bed for 3 months severely depressed. Bipolar 1 general anxiety disorder, ptsd, adhd, major depressive stages. I was on ritalin and they changed me to adderall also, which helped. So my cocktail is 400mg of topomax, 200mg lamictal, 30mg adderall xr, 100mg doxepin, 2mg clonidine. And I’m considered high functioning bipolar, I hold a 60 hour a week job, my own place, pay my own Bill’s etc…I’m sorry for your struggle but you can and will get through this, it’s not the end. This is just the beginning of the new you, your awakening, who you want and feel and absolutely need to be in your life, no holds barred. No justification, no man to control your thoughts or feelings and tell you what time of the day you need to cry. Therapy in my opinion is crap, only because in my experience they look at the clock the entire time and then send you to someone who throws a bottle of meds at you that seals your demise. Happiness is only within our peace, what truly makes us happy, self care, music, a hot bath, children, family, laughter, food, exercise love!. The natural elements of life.
Find a work from home job. Like a answering service or virtual assistant job. And apply for disability or make/sell things. Babysit. Dog-walker. And idk leave the ungrateful husband and put him on child support.
Take up story writing,Oh! Before you start look up the word precis might come in handy
I cant even imagine the anxiety and fear that comes with everything you’ve been through.
I would very much suggest speaking to a psychiatrist about therapy and possible med changes though.
And maybe see if you can even find something part time, with low hours to start!
Well, could you make enough to make it worthwhile realistically? I know where I live , two kids in full time daycare would cost about 1600 a month. And remind him that if and when you do work outside of the home that he is required to do his share of the house work and kid duties.
Stand your ground! You’re doing great for what you’ve been thru. Money is not as important as your peace of mind!
Maybe ur dr will back u and sign up for social security. I mean idk if it’s that dilbilating but if it is u should receive.
Try it. It might help you 
give it a few weeks. See what happens! You’ll never know till you try
If he is not supportive and ruthless with insults it sounds like a toxic situation… I would try and find a way you can get an income to support yourself and kids and move on.
It sounds like you already have your hands full, and it doesn’t appear like your husband is very understanding of what you’ve been through in your life nor supportive of you. He also does not understand what it takes to be married. Him wastefully spending money without first discussing it with you, just because he is the one who goes to a “job” does not justify it at all. That is being selfish. I am not at all saying that you wouldn’t be able to handle a job, but I do think it would be very challenging with two small children plus daycare is super expensive.
Your kids are young and they need you more than your husband needs money. Do not feel guilty atleast for 2-3 more years. If he thinks things are tight he should put on his man boots and cut down unnecessary expenses and take on another job. But to ask someone who is a Sahm and dealing with such intense issues is just wrong, plain wrong .
Dump him u already have a full time job the hardest in the world…being a good mum
That was a tough read. You have to do what’s good for your health first, so you can be good for yourself and your kids first! If you want your relationship to work, maybe some sort of counseling could help, I mean does he get it? Can you guys communicate, cause that’s big. Idk but good luck. And maybe a part time job, you like, might help you and your anxiety…and then also financial too could help. Maybe even something work from home if possible. Best wishes in this crazy world
Would you qualify for disability?
Maybe start off with a part time job… ease in to things and see how they go
Check out your options, child care is expensive. I would find part time cleaning or something and work your way back to working full time.
First, I’m sorry about your situation and what you’ve been through. I think this is a way bigger talk with hubby. Daycare expenses obviously, but when you start making money, does it go to house bills? Car? Food? And then what does he pay for? If you’re going to work just so he can play and get tattoos then forget that! Think about the pros and cons.
Being a stay at home mom is very hard and most men dont understand that. Also if you did get a job child care isn’t cheap and in the end could be pointless if your just working and making enough for child care. I’m a stay at home mom but I do amazon flex or shipt. Helps me have me time, can work whenever you can on your own schedule so husband could watch kids and wouldn’t need childcare, helps give you your own money and you dont have to work with others. Also would get him off your back a little.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Is there anyway he can maybe explain it to him like you’ve explained it to us ?
If he wants you to financially contribute then the house and child responsibility should be half his too. I would make sure that’s crystal clear and express your concern to him that you are already struggling with anxiety and you don’t need to add to it. You need his help and honestly that’s what a relationship is all about. Don’t let him make you feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed or upset that he spends money like that without consulting you. He just wants you to work so there’s more money. He isn’t thinking about what you can mentally or physically handle. He may not even realize it so you need to be straight up with him. If he is a good man you guys can find a work/life balance that works for both of you that doesn’t add to your anxiety. Im not saying being a working mom with 2 young kids will be easy bit it can be done and may actually help your anxiety. Plus you have to make sure working will be financially worth it bc daycare usually isn’t free and it will be a big adjustment for your kids. Lots to consider and it will take work from both of you to decide what’s really best for your family.
Fuck cbd lol you need a whholllle ass blunt. Fr tho. I use to be on anxiety and depression meds. I had horrible sife effects.
The insults are unnecessary no matter the circumstances. What you would make doing retail would maybe cover what you would spend on child care. I agree with money isn’t as important as peace of mind. Maybe set up a budget?
I have severe ptsd due to a previous sexual assault as well. I literally couldn’t leave my house for 3 years without feeling like im gonna die of panic. I never tell anyone this as most think i am crazy but for real i didnt. I had others do what i needed if possible outsidr of the house and if they couldn’t i wouldnt do it. I had panic attacks as soon as i left my front door. I had to home school and completely stay in my home for 3 years. I pushed myself one day to go out when i was ready and i kept pushing within my comfortable range… You can do it. You have to believe you can or else your mind will convince you otherwise. You are capable of doing everything before your assault occured! I have allowed myself more freedom for 7 years now and im so proud of me. Push yourself within your boundaries and you will get there. I went from having panic attacks as soon as id leave the house to having freedom. I know im safe now and that i am no longer a victim
Try ashwaganda and turmeric capsules…organic preferably.
Your husband sounds like a grade A jerk! I’d look in to getting financially stable and only do for you and your children…he’s an adult he can do his laundry, meals, split child care . I think I’d look in to self care and working on you because he isnt giving you support plus the insults that sounds toxic along with his I make the money you dont dismissive rude behavior. I definitely would be on the path of just me because he’s doing that for him.
Have you considered woking in DayCare?
You need to talk to a medical professional and see what they suggest. Taking care of yourself is more important than your husband getting a tattoo
I’m sorry, mama. It sounds like you’re going through a lot. First thing first, y’all SHARE finances, whether he likes it or not and he does need to consult you before buying things and vice versa. My husband and I keep a budget and know what money we have to spend after bills but we still ask each other if it’s okay to buy something. Sometimes he gets overwhelmed being the only provider and will make little comments here and little but he knows how much I do at the end of the day. I think your husband needs to not act like a spoiled single man-child and appreciate all you do. It’s not easy. I’m bipolar and have anxiety and have dealt with sexual assault in my past and other things and it’s freaking hard and for some reason a lot of seems to be coming to surface recently. Look into an amazing company called Shipt. It’s a grocery delivery service, you make your own hours, if you live in a high population area it’s great and you can make pretty awesome tips. I was doing it part time a little bit but my area is so remote it’s just not worth it. Good luck, mama. Stay strong💕
Sorry to be blunt but he sounds like an asshole! The whole time I’ve been with my husband he’s never told me to get a job I’m just now to the point where I actually want to get a job and trying to apply to places it took a while to cause I’ve been a sahm for 4 years and I also have anxiety from loosing my child. So him pushing you into something your not ready for is an a-hole move. If its possible I’d definitely see about disability and leave him he sounds incredible selfish!
Get the costs of daycare, since that would be required if you went back to work… right down a list of chores and days that he/you would have to do them so it was evenly split as you would both be working so spliting the duties. Then add in extra gas for work and clothing you would need… plus meals eating out for lunch occassionally.
Then see what you would make after taxes… and subtract the expenses. Unless your qualified with good work history you will probably not make more than a couple hundred after all expenses… is it worth the extra work HE will need to do at home to him? Is it worth the risks to your child of childcare… kids are abused in care sometimes…
Have you considered filing for disability? It’s not much but would be an extra income. Your husband needs to be more understanding.
He also needs to realize how much daycare is. It would most likely cost more for you to work than to be a SAHM. You would 100% be eligible for disability with all that you’ve been through as long as you have documentation of therapy or psychiatrist. They go more off mental health than physical health now. My mom also has BMDD and she was approved within a month.
You are doing amazing considering all you’ve been through! I know many of us couldn’t do what you are. Being a mom is hard enough in and of itself. But to be a mom, housewife AND to have gone through what you have is a super power!! Good luck to you. 
First start with looking into daycare prices. Have your husband there doing the research. He will soon realize how expensive daycare is and how much stay at home moms actually save the family. If you aint making 35 dollars an hr or more to me it’s not worth it.
For starters your husband needs to understand your perspective on everything you just wrote and a house needs to be a team effort not just you. But from past experiences having two kids in a daycare can take all your paycheck, check into what the cost are. But from my marriage I know how it feels to carry the burden of a man child and your children and household until I spoke up and made him see my perspective and he started to help me seeing how much it takes to run a household. I know he works a full time job but being a mother is way more than 40 hrs a week. And just saying take some time for yourself, your health and we’ll being is very important for your children to grow up seeing.
Easy fix…go get a part-time evening job. That leaves him in charge of dinner, bath, and bed for the kids. Leave him a list of what needs to be done (dishwasher loaded, floor swept, load of laundry). I give him a week before he tells you to stay home again.
Ruthless with comments and irresponsible and lazy. Sounds like he is causing more anxiety and stress than he is worth. If you have to work to shut him up, make sure he takes on half the workload at home as well!!! I’m 50 and I spent many years unhappy in a similar situation. Life is too short to be unhappy. You Don’t get the time back, so if you can’t meet in the middle and share the load, you may as well be alone if you’re doing it all yourself anyways. At least then you won’t have to listen to his mouth and take care of a man child.
Your husband is a prick, if he treats you like that n knows the situation what if ye didn’t know? Then what?
Try s part time job a few nights a week. Let the kids father make dinner clean up and tend to the children’s needs and dog’s needs until you get home. I am hoping this also would include baths and storytime too. Being a stay at home mom was my best job ever. I did work when my first child was one but only two or three nights a week. It was not a lot of money but it helped plus we were not putting out money for child care. Do what you feel you would be comfortable with in regards to the type of work you would like. Please don’t sell yourself short…you got it going on for sure! All mom’s rock! And running households is a lot of work that somehow sometimes family members seem to forget. I sincerely hope you go out and do this and believe in yourself. Also try essential oils for some of your issues with anxiety and such…only good ones like doterra or young living…never know…they may help. Good luck and go for it!
First things first. You should see a mental heath professional immediately and regularly.
Next you should try to look into companies that allow you to work from home.
Last but not least, you might want to reconsider being married to such an a**hole. Ruthless remarks and insults are a type of verbal abuse and it DEFINITELY will not help your mental health. 
How is he going to pay for a sitter?
I have severe anxiety and depression and i work. Things shit me about my family and housework… but ‘disgusting’ isn’t a word I’d use to describe my kids partner or dog🤷♀️
My heart goes out to you, part of me says, stay home but then the other part say, you need to change things, all the way around, if he left you tomorrow, what would you do? He’s not happy, he’s spending like it doesn’t matter, he’s doesn’t want to be the sole provider but he had to know what he was getting into when you got married, if you love him and you know he loves you, change things, fix it, your hurting as a 16 yr old, find help to except and let go, I don’t think we ever let go but I think we can live with it and have a happy life but when we get hurt like that, it makes life different. Give everyone some rules on cleaning and make a date night and stick to it. Good luck
I think you will pay more for childcare than he thinks! Maybe try babysitting at home? Or a job you could do at home in the evenings on your computer? Sounds like he doesn’t realize you already have a job! He needs to appreciate what you do & he needs to communicate w/u if he wants to spend large sums of money…I mean you are supposed to be a team & working together!
DIL has same thing. Talk to your Dr. He will sign and you can get SSI and that will financially help.
A stay at home mom is a full-time job. He needs to cut his spending habits. He needs to consult you before making big purchases.
He knew damn well that you were kidnapped and raped. He knows what he signed up for. You having anxiety and always being stuck in flight mode is a spiritual attack from the devil. You need to go to a Penecostal church and get delivered from those demons. After that, you will feel much better and be able to live a normal life. It’s not going to be easy but you have to do this for your family. This is not the way you are meant to live.
My mom has these same diagnoses and she’s on disability for them. Is there any way that could be an option for you?
Some lovely suggested on this thread,but the person thinking it’s ok to Laugh at this post, how rude…and inconsiderate. Couldn’t you just scroll on by instead of being a troll.
Your husband needs to be more understanding of your mental health issues. Even though you have always provided for yourself before you had kids, you need to take care of yourself now. Those two little people need you and if you add the stress of working you’ll likely find yourself having a mental breakdown
Maybe do some type of online work. I sell avon. Its not much at the moment as im still fairly new at it but its something and its on your own terms so not so stressful
I’ve literally been dealing with this exact same thing I don’t ever talk about it I’ve only shared it with my best friend my husband and my therapist. Feel free to pm me if you would like to talk.
I was in a much similar mindset of helplessness, and I have very similar diagnoses. One day I decided to stop being a slave to my disorders, and while it didn’t fix all my problems in any way, it enabled me to start helping myself. Im having a lot of trouble explaining how, especially since im still in the middle of it, but deciding I wasn’t helpless and that nobody was going to do ‘it’ for me helped me to start getting better. Honestly your husband sounds like an unsupportive and non-undersranding dick, but it appears your mindset is to blame for a lot of your problems. You’re not helpless, you just have to work a lot harder than most people to be the person you obviously want to be. I believe in you
I have the same disorder and I’m struggling so hard working with people and I’m having a very hard time finding work from home to 
and most deff go to therapy it helps me knowing I have someone to talk to I hope u find something u will love to do I hope.i do to
65k a year really isn’t that much for a whole family. Maybe finding a job you really like will help with your mentality about working. I suggest working with dogs. I’m a dog groomer and I love it because I get to use my hands all day and have minimal contact with people. Good luck!
Maybe you could get a work at home position part time working opposite your husband’s shifts. I deal with anxiety and panic attacks. I also have PTSD, and at one point I was developing horrible agoraphobia. Working from home allowed me to earn an income, while also allowing me to stay in my “safe space”. Check out ratracerebellion.com there are tons of work from home opportunities there
You may be surprised how working 2 or 3 days a week and the impact it will have on your mental health. Please don’t get me wrong, I know there is no cure for BMDO and medication only helps. But having some independance, having some time on your own away from the house and kid’s and some money for you, can in many way help you. But at the end of the day you have to do what’s best for you
I have a lot in common with you hun. The nest solution I found to all those issues for me personally was starting my own cleaning business. I started small with just a few clients cash under the books. But let me tell you I found my purpose in life!! I had my own money, made my own hours and if something came up with my son I could always reschedule! I have to stay busy moving around just like you and it is the absolute perfect job for people like us. You are your own boss and can work around your husband’s hours. Just advertise locally on your local yardsale page and I promise you won’t regret it. It fave me purpose and my own independence while not missing out on the important moments in my toddlers life. Feel free to pm
I would leave. Hes disrespectful in more than 1 way. He spends money on stupid shit, doesnt help with the 2 kids he helped make and doesnt do anything around the house yet I’m sure his ass makes messes. He wants you to work yet he knows you mentally cant and only wants you to so he can have play money. Nope!
As someone who suffers from BPD and anxiety for 20+ years…I get it. I was lucky though, I found the right balance of meds and have no issues with a job. With that said, you absolutely qualify for SSI, you should apply and get documentation from your psychiatrist. Good luck.
Mine and his family talked crap about i didn’t have a job but when I had a FT job and paid for insurance for our daughter and being garnished for student lawns it was never good enough. He sat at home on his ass
I was 3rd shifr
Cost of daycare for two littles will not be worth you working.
And if he’s not aware of what goes into being a SAHM/D, then he’ll try it if you work alternate shifts but he’ll have you quit soon!!
Have you applied for SSI? It sounds like you would qualify after a few appeals. (it’s normal to get denied the first few times. They try to deter you from getting it).
Maybe easier said than done but sounds like u need to get your mind right u can do it!!! Try not to think of all the reasons u can’t get excited about what it could do for your family !! Maybe ask him too if he’s ready to take on some of the house and children responsibilities like there may be times where he’s gonna come home from working all day and have to take care of the kids bc now u have to work … hey he might not realize what benefits this lifestyle has for a family with young children who aren’t in school yet … good luck on your decisions just hate to hear someone say they can’t do something everyone has obstacles they deal with daily
You and hubby could use counseling to help with some things cuz he sounds like an ass. Otherwise maybe look for some home work. There’s lots you can do without having to deal with people
The thought of not being able to handle it is overwhelming itself and full of triggering anxiety. Bite the bullet, and try. It will make you feel better. You’ll be productive. Everything your doing is work yes but but I’m a single mom of 4 with general anxiety disorder… went from having a fam and being a stay at home mom to doing the damn thing. Do it girl , you can. What if I can’t isn’t a sentence that should be in your head. Eliminate it.
Maybe get rid off that husband who insults you ruthlessly knowing you have an emotional disorder
Could apply for SSI so you have your own $, I get it for mental illness.
Get a more understanding/helpful spouse.
I understand how you feel. You can pm if you need to talk. My husband isn’t pushy and mean like yours but his family has made their share of comments. I attempted to work. Did so for a year but it got to be to much and now i stay home again. I don’t like to leave my house. I can’t physically talk about what happened in my past. Meds don’t work. I have a service dog that helps me stay sane. You need to find a treatment that will work for YOU. And your husband is abusive. Emotional abuse isn’t just damaging of not more then physical as broken bones heal. A broken spirit not so easily. Hugs to you. You can message me anytime girl. I will always have a listening ear and can point you to some great online support groups for sexual assault
Get a divorce is my advice. Constant insults? Financially abusive? He’s probably making your anxiety 10xs worse
Maybe getting a job, out of the house and away from kids for a while will do your mental health good. You have to be stronger than your past and not fall a Victim to it. After your husband finds out how much daycare will be maybe he will change his mind.
Please, please, PLEASE reach out to me!! Message me, add me or something!!! 
You should try to get disability. It took me 18 mos but I got it. I suffer from bipolar 1 and when its real bad I have phsycotic episodes and hallucinations and have to be detained and hispitalized for 2 days to 3 weeks depending on how bad. My dr put me in seroquel which helps with sleep. Try talking to your dr about what ive wrote
Maybe try going to a therapist first before taking on a job. There are obviously some things you need to work through first. I would start there.
I am so sorry so many people are uneducated on mental illness.
Try applying for disability, and try marriage counselling and if nothing changes you need to get away from such a toxic relationship.
Mental illness is hard, and it doesn’t just go away by working on past trauma, you need support, love and understanding.
I hope everything works out for you.
Oof. Im bipolar1 and schizophrenic with psychosis spells, I’d never dream of working with my anxiety being peaked… cuz means a 7 day stay in a mental hospital so I’d get fired anyway haha. And i got 2 kids, so i would actually be LOSING money. Spouse needs to dig a little deeper than his own expectations… this is about your mental health which in turn, is about your life. It gets realllll dark when youre pushed into something arent ready for.
Your mental health is more important than him wanting more money to splurge honey. What if this job causes you to slip? You break? Now is he going to be able to handle his job, kids, animals, and house? Plus trying to help mend you I doubt it. Mental illnesses are not to be taken likely if he won’t understand that then he’s just a dick that doesn’t deserve you. Prayers for you love 
Maybe try a little shitty part time job somewhere to see how it goes. And if it doesn’t work, quit. At least you can say you tried and you don’t feel as if your quite ready yet.
I’m sorry that your husband is putting this added stress on you. This pressure to get a job when you are not ready is going to cause more damage than good. I am not going to tell you to leave your husband…that is a decision for you alone. However, his treatment of you and your mental health is not good for you. Forget about the job and the fact that you have 2 very young children at home … an abusive husband (this btw is abuse…verbal abuse) will be making everything worse for you. Please go to your Dr. and explain to her/him what is going on at home. Ask for help. You say here you are already taking medication and that it is not working… speaking with a therapist may help. THEN think about going out to work. Your mental health comes first.