So my ex-fiance and I have been broken up since last April. I moved back in with my parents (my parents are in a different state than ex). I found out I was pregnant with my daughter shortly after leaving. Against everyone’s advice, I told my ex I was pregnant — a little back story about us. We were together for about 2yrs, we got engaged, wanted to have another baby as well. So we started trying, and I had a miscarriage. I was really upset because this was my second miscarriage. I told him, and he just blew it off and wanted to go right back to trying. I tried talking to him about waiting, that was out of the question for him. Things started getting really bad; he started staying out until 2-3 am. He had a dating app back on his phone, and he got verbally abusive with me. He kicked my son (previous relationship) and me out of our apartment in the middle of winter (up north). My parents told me to come to stay with them in Florida. They helped me move back in with them. I found out I was pregnant two weeks after leaving. I told him, and he told me he’d pay for an abortion. I said no, I wasn’t going to do that, so he told me he hoped I miscarried again. I stopped talking to him after that. He made it clear he didn’t want to be involved. Fast forward, I’m halfway through the pregnancy, thankfully, had some issues along the way, but doing good. I get an email from him telling me he hoped I hemorrhaged out during birth; I was a mistake and some more awful things. I started crying and getting really bad cramps. My mom said just to ignore him. I didn’t respond. Fast forward, and I’m almost due. He comes back and apologizes and swears he’d never talk to me like that again; he just wants to be there for his daughter. So I let him come to the hospital and be there when I gave birth. 30mins after having her, he leaves to go to the airport to go back to his home. We’re talking; he’s video chatting with her every day. He asked if we’re getting back together, and I said no, I just need to focus on our daughter. He gets mad and goes off on me again, calling me horrible names, and telling me that his daughter and I were the biggest mistakes of his life, never to contact him again, he’ll report me for harassment if I try and contact him again. We stop talking again. Now every couple of months, he asks how our daughter is doing. I’ve been ignoring him. I don’t want to be the kind of mother that keeps their child’s father away, but I also can’t keep dealing with his abuse every time he gets mad at me. Would you let your baby’s father be a part of her life if you were in my situation?
Take him for custody and child support! I would ask for supervised visits. If a man treated you so badly why would you keep going back?!
No. He’s shown that if it’s not his way, he throws tantrums. Tell him to take some time for himself to become the best father he can be before coming into your daughters life. he sounds immature as fuck.
Fuck that stay as far away from that man you possibly can for your daughters sake!! Toxic is toxic!
Absolutely not. He sounds completely immature and toxic! Your daughter doesn’t need that in her life.
Block him and move on.
Nope… I would just go on with my life and never respond back to him.
Absolutely not. You need to set an example of what your daughter should and should not tolerate. He only needs to call her a mistake once and that would give me all my answers.
Nope at that point I would collect everything he has sent to you and file for full custody on the grounds of him being unstable and abandonment
File for custody and child support and supervised visits from their it’s his choice if he sees her or not. Start keeping a paper trail of everything. And you did the right thing don’t go back trust me from experience it gets worst.
Hes emotionally abusive towards you. If he really wants to see his child you should take him to court for child support and custody. He keeps leaving and coming back. That’s not a parent at all to a child. You want parent to be around 100% of the time not 10%. I honestly don’t think he is worth being a father over your children.
File for full custody. Tell them you’re fine with visitations, I would try to have them supervised at first. But if you explain the situation in court then you just let them handle, that way, it’s not on you but you and your daughter are protected. If he wants to be in her life then he can make the effort by going through visitation, if not, then that’s on him and your daughter is better off without someone half ass there anyways.
He said he never wanted her. That he hopes she dies. She was the biggest mistake of his life. You are PROTECTING her from abuse, as soon as something doesn’t go his way with her he can and will take it out in her.
I’m the biggest supporter of both parents being involved but given that he’s already been abusive to his daughter - wishing her death or calling her a mistake, absolutely not. I would get sole custody, bring the messages as proof. It’ll suck to not do it with child support and all of that but you sound like you have a great support system. If you go for child support, he’s always going to be “involved”. I would just figure it out legally so he’s not even allowed. And get a restraining order against him for both of you.
If he was this abusive to you it might be something he might bring in on the child. I think I would refuse to let him interact with the childr seeing that he wished she was a miscarriage
Sorry but he’s an ass. Don’t let him back into your life
Your daughter doesnt need that crap. Take him to court, get custody and child support.
I would not. He sounds like he may hurt her if so.
Don’t be a fucking fool he is just trying to get out of paying child support
Even if you could deal with him like that every time he gets mad at you, is that something you really want your daughter to grow up with? I say change number and email and be happy with your kids.
Nope. Period. Block his number, email, all social media and file for full legal custody.
No. He’s a narcissist.
I would just ignore him… if he wants to be involved after all that let him crawl back on all 4’s first.
As someone who almost died from hemorrhaging …that’s insane he’d say that! As well as everything else. Wishing death upon anyone is awful! I’m usually for making it work but I’d keep ignoring him and let him fade out. If his parents want to be civil and meet up fine but f him.
I’m so sorry you have gone through what you went through and continue to go through. verbal abuse is horrible mental abuse is far worse, what he is doing. he didnt want you nor his child. take him for full custody, keep all your text, voice mails, emails etc. you don’t need him being toxic in your life and if you went back your just showing your son its okay to deal with this kind of stuff from men and he can treat women this way and for your daughter your teaching her its okay for her to be treated horribly as well. stand up for your children you deserve so much better my dear. move on kick the low life bastard out of your life and your children’s. a real man will come along to love you and your children as if they were their own. dont go out looking for it, it will happen when you least expect it. trust me. but please keep this man out of your lives, he didn’t want you all in the first place and it shows. I’m not one to keep children from seeing their parents, but he obviously didn’t want her. so move on. please before something terribly happens to any of you.
He doesn’t need to be around. Having someone like that around will do more damage to your daughter than good. Document everything so you have it in case of court later.
I honestly wouldn’t be able to trust him around my kids after wishing hurt onto me or them like he did… makes me think he would hurt them and that really worries me. If he gets visits with them make sure it’s all supervised visitation only. And his behaviour is pretty erratic, is it possible that he could be bipolar maybe? He sounds alot like my kids father and how he acts and his mom is clinically bipolar as well and takes medicine for it.
Pretty sure that is up to a court to decide
Short answer? No
Long answer? Hell no!
He sounds like one of those people that will demand you tell him you love him or he’ll hurt the baby. No no no. He either loves her and wants to be in her life consistently, or he doesn’t. He obviously doesn’t and only will use her and his fake love for her to get control over your emotions.
Yes. She is as much his child as she is yours. I wish my child’s father would even remotely be involved. He also stated he didn’t want to be involved and he definitely isn’t. I sent updates for months all went ignored so I eventually stopped. You don’t have to be together but he deserves to be in her life. You can coparent successfully without having a relationship.
LET THAT TOXIC MOTHER F*er the fuck go if you chose to get a lawyer keep all those messages and you will have no problem getting full custody and can even ask for supervised visits as his past clearly shows his issues and I’m sure by that point he will give up
He sounds like he needs serious help, like the medicated kind. If he sells help and makes improvements maybe consider it because if he’d put the needed effort that shows he wants it, if he won’t he’s broken and doesn’t need to be around that baby causing unnecessary damage.
What he does to you he will do it to your daughter
No read your own story. You know the answer why even ask this type of relationship is not good for the children.
He’s obviously not stable, and if you’re even questioning letting him be a part of her life then you need to reevaluate yourself as well. Like you really want your daughter around someone like that?
SMH no parent has any right to allow or not allow the other parent to see their child. It’s a child, not a piece of property or a pawn against the other parent.
Only 1 side of the story here.
My ex husband treated me like dog shit but treated our daughter like a princess.
Chances are that she’ll grow up to hate you if you purposely alienate her from her father.
PARENTAL ALIENATION IS CHILD ABUSE!
Absolutely NOT! He will continue his rants and be an asshole the rest of his sorry life! Stay away from him
No . Your daughter doesn’t need someone like that in her life … don’t contact him. If he contacts you then go to court , get child support and custody. If he really wants to "be involved " then let him get a lawyer and have him ask for visitations. You did your part and he still abused it .
And I wouldn’t feel bad either.
I’d feel like I was taking responsibility for my child, which is putting her welfare and wellbeing first.
God bless and good luck
Nope! And I wouldn’t feel bad either especially when he wished death upon you and baby!
No because of the verbal abuse ,he will start it with your daughter too .and to kick you out with a child no. He needs to grow up
He wished your child dead multiple times, and you’re asking should he be a part of her life? Read that question again and again and again, and see if you can decide the right answer here girl.
Narcissistic at its finest. Keep everything of him talking about you and your child. I would talk to a lawyer and file a no contact order.
Absolutely not. And document all of the things he has said in writing so that you can keep him away for good.
Good lord, quit fooling with that man. He’s toxic and your child is better off with a single parent than one that is abusive. Change your number and be done.
Fuck no!! This in and out crap he is doing is not good for your daughter the older she gets the worse it will get
Better of without I don’t know how anyone can foul mouth their child nor hope that you hemmorage after it. You have evidence to take him to court of you need to
Everything your doing your bring onto your self. Stop talking to this idiot!! Go on with your life you will be fine!!!
Watch out though. Document everything. He can easily take you to court for this.
Hell Nooooo!!! If he could say those things to you when he is upset then he will say them to your daughter. Anyone can be a father it takes a real man to be a Dad
I would say no. Not only is the verbal abuse a huge sign, but you said every couple months he asks how yalls daughter is. So that tells me he will come in and out of her life and as she gets older that will destroy her.
No he shouldn’t be apart of her life
Yes he should know and he needs to pay child support
File for emergency custody . Decide exactly what you want. Hire a lawyer go to court let them decide. He sounds immature and selfish
He’s in a different state so why is this even a question? Is he moving to the state you’re living? With all of the verbal abuse, it’s unlikely he would be awarded visitation, out of the state you reside. I don’t see any reason to cut off contact between him and your daughter, however there is no reason for you to have any personal conversations with him. For example; you can send him updates on her health, when he asks, but depending on her age, it isn’t necessary to have daily video calls. Or, if you do, you can put her on the phone so he can see her and talk to her and then hang up. No need to speak with him. Also, if he wants to see her, he can come to the state where you live until he’s able to get himself under control. Then perhaps opening visitation to his home would be an option.
Hell no he will only vent on her eventually
No way! Your daughter should never be exposed to that abuse. You can’t change things after he has done or said something awful to her. Protect her from the abuse you have already suffered. Wishing you and your children well, concentrate on becoming your best self and taking care of them.
If he wishes you and his daughter were dead, then no. You keep you and your daughter far away from that psycho. He sounds like a man child and acts out, when he doesn’t get his way. File a restraining order. Is he on the birth certificate?
Um, he obviously doesn’t care about her. Why would you even consider letting that be a part of her life? I would honestly be scared for my child’s life
Get rid of him and move on
You need to get a lawyer. Just because he was a sperm donor doesn’t mean he is the father.
I get you wanted a healthy relationship, but You can only lead a horse to water ,you cant make them drink.
You and this man obviously had a toxic relationship.
You need to put your wants aside and do what’s right for your children. You need to get in touch with a lawyer. You need to seek therapy for you and your son, and eventually your daughter.
Women can raise kids alone they have been doing it since the dawn of time.
No you don’t need that negativity in your daughter’s life as soon as things doesn’t go his way he’s gonna spazz out and it’s going to continue! I’m sure you don’t want that around your children
No. Absolutely NOT! He laid his hands on your child! Keep him away from your kids and yourself!
Screenshot EVERYTHING. & go to court. Him wishing harm on his unborn says a lot about him.
Contact an attorney. Keep all emails and texts you have for him to use in court. Yes, he is the father of your child but he also sounds so like a horrible human being.
Hell no, he’s being super toxic and is already punishing your daughter when you turn him down.
Pardon my French but fuck that shit. He’s an abusive prick and the only thing he’d get from me is a petition to terminate his rights
There will always be love for him because he’s the father but sometimes we have to love some people from an arms distance. You have to do what’s best for you and your kids.
Umm no. Why is this even a question. He doesn’t care about you or that sweet baby. He doesn’t deserve your time
Save all the emails and texts. Only communicate through email and text. No calls. Ask for sole custody.
Umm NOOOOOO! MOVE ON AND LET GO.
Not until he proves he has had long term counseling and therapy for his mental health problems.
No move on, but be prepared to go to battle in court. Document everything and I mean everything, nothing is to small. Go see an attorney. Make go contact with him, even if he says he is dying. Stop the abuse now! If you won’t do it for you, do it for your children. You don’t want your daughter to think it is acceptable behavior from a man.
Stay in Florida with your kids and block him on everything. You are better off healthy single than in a toxic relationship
No, you should not. This man doesn’t know what he wants.
And if he could be verbally abusive he could be physically abusive to. Document what he says to you and when in case for what ever reason this goes to court. Good luck.
Keep everything he sends as proof.
Simply put, no I would not.
Nope! He’s had several chances to prove he’s gotten better and blown all of them! I would block him on everything, don’t allow him contact. If he knows where you live invest in an alarm system to be on the safe side or move. People like him are unpredictable and dangerous! Just focus on you and your kiddos. He would do nothing but drag you down, emotionally and possibly physically!
No. And I hope you have him on child support.
You have tried enough! To hell with him he sounds like a right ass xx
Why would you even consider him in her life after everything he has said??!! Why would you even allow him to be there during delivery??!! Enpigh of the abuse how do you know he want kill or hurt your daughter??? After all he wished death upon her! Wake up! Change your number dont respond. Hope you didnt make the mistake of giving your daughter his last name!
Keep everytime he wished something negative documented
Pffft no freakin way
Hell NO!!! Let it go and move on!!!;
Girl save all the messages and everything so if he tries n take you to court you have it.
I can not say this too strongly or loudly NO!!! He needs professional help and anger management classes. As a mom your first priority is your children and he seems to be unbalanced and toxic. NO!!!
No he needs help Why are you even talking to him you sound like you’re cruising for a bruising babies see first not you an he is a sad joke He’s not happy unless he’s abusing or verbally am using you and your baby
Move on, protect yourself and your daughter from him. He’s clearly a very abusive person and will never change. He probably won’t try to fight for any rights, but if he does, be sure you save all messages, threats, phone calls, etc., for a court battle.
I’d move on tell her why when she’s older stop contact
He’ll treat her the same bad ways.
Absolutely not. You or your children dont need that kind of toxic person in your life.
No if he wants to see her he will go to court and then you can show the court all of the messages he sent you and tell them you’re worried for your daughters safety because he said that they were mistakes!
- he can’t report you for harassment if you’re contacting him about HIS child. It doesn’t work like that. (Now if one is USING a child as an excuse to be psycho-stalking someone for no reason then yeah maybe. But normal co-parenting conversation no)
- you weren’t married when the baby was born. He has no legal rights unless/until you or he petitions the court to establish paternity and therefore granting parental rights. (If you file for child support, this will happen).
So if you don’t want/need financial help from him there’s no legal recourse if you don’t allow him to see her
Get rid of him he will never be there for you and your daughter she is better of without. Him
Just let it go. If he wants to see his daughter so badly he can file for visitation rights. He’s already told you not to contact him so just keep ignoring him and live your life
Don’t let him in her life IMO if he’s verbally abusive and calls her a mistake I say block him and go to court for protection order.
Ok 1st of all yes hes clearly got some anger issues but let me explain something to all of you … keeping that child or any child from a parent on the basis that the 2 of you do not get along is grounds for your child to 1 day be pissed upset and hurt by you … the thing is in order for him to see her you need to set some ground rules like he should put himself on child support etc no outta state travel she’s to young it’s to soon etc but you and him do not need to even entertain each other for him to be a dad and if he’s a horrible 1 guess what your daughter will learn that on her own without any help from you I understand we wanna protect our kids but these situations never have a great ending honestly that child will be hurt either way
HELL NO!!! KEEP EVERY TEXT, EMAIL, ETC!!! You and your daughter deserve better he is abusive.
Waste of space
She will understand one day that you were protecting her when she is old enough she will understand.