So I’m a SAHM with a 20-month-old and an 8-month-old and my fiancé got home and asked me to make him arroz con leche bc he was craving something sweet. I said of course just watch the kids and his way of watching the kids is lying on the couch on his phone until one of them cries, and then he’ll say, “hey, no crying” Anyways so I recorded him so I can send him the video so he can reflect on himself as a dad and he caught me recording, and he got upset. He said he didn’t appreciate it. And I told him I don’t appreciate you not being there 100% for the babies. And I think he’s mad at me now. He put on a movie while I was putting the kids down and didn’t tell me to come watch it. We’ve had this talk plenty of times of how I wish he was more present with baby’s and I feel like I do everything almost like if I was a single mom. Was I wrong? What should I do? I appreciate him for providing for us but ughhhh
I hate being recorded I immediately get mad. U should have just waited and talked to him one on one later on that night
Not wrong at all! There’s more to being a father than providing. Fathers need to bond with their children too.
Definitely not recording I would never do that to my husband as he needs his private space he probably feels as if you don’t trust him around his own kids I would be upset too there are other options than recording without permission.
Sounds like something I would do!!
You basically invaded his privacy doing that just to attack him.
If you secretly recorded him to have him “reflect on himself”, then brought it to him it would’ve been worse. You could’ve went about it differently. But, yes, you are a SAHM, But if he is the one working and doing all the active tasks needed you need to meet him halfway.
Its a two way street with communication and mutual understanding
He is father he needs to help with kids. Only natural!
Recording him is totally wrong, you wouldn’t want him recording a small time frame of your day where you were sitting around doing nothing and threw it in your face.
No you’re not in the wrong. My kids father will come home after being gone for work(usually a week to 2 weeks. Maybe 3 at the most, home on weekends and then gone the beginning of the very next week) and all he will do is sleep or sit on the game he whole entire time… and if I ask him to do something or help with the kids, he legit days"why can’t you do it" like bruh I do it, it’s all I ever do. Just cause you make the money don’t mean you cna sit on your ass while I still everything even when youre home
It sounds like he is completely checked out and isn’t bonding with his kids. Sounds like this isn’t a one time thing as you said you feel like a single mom on a regular basis. Has he always been this way or is it something new? Living as a single mom with a “partner” doesn’t feel very nice. He sounds embarrassed to be caught and confronted. Set some time aside where you can have a serious talk about him engaging with his kids. Maybe even suggest he attend a parenting class. Someone refusing to parent his own kids would be a deal breaker for me. As they get older, it will hurt them to have their dad ignore them. It’s fixable if he’s willing to take his role as an engaged parent seriously.
Oh well, Tell the poor little winey ass to interact with his kids !
How old are you? you sound really young.
He’ll get over it …I just don’t suggest you do it a 2nd time .
Its so hard to get them to fucking see we NEED some help. Its not fair. Hopefully that lit a fire under his ass 100% and ladies not like she was posting the video for the world. It was for HIM to see. So relax about privacy. Because if you ask me he is being disrespectful as well by ignoring her request for some help. Acting like we put these babies here all alone.
Tell him to make his own arroz com leches, if you can’t trust him to take care of the smallies then don’t ask him to. He’ll just have to fend for himself.
You are his wife, not his mom. It is not up to you to make sure he “reflects on himself as a dad” That was an invasion of privacy, and I would be upset too.
I beieve if yall have had this discussion before and you explained how he’s not emotionally there for his kids sometimes the only way for him to understand is to see himself doing it.
I would have flown off the handle. How would you feel?
Too much passive aggressive behavior
Lmfao you sound very immature. I’m sure if the kids were actually hurt he wouldn’t just sit there and be like hey so crying… I would’ve flipped out of my husband recorded me without my permission and told me I needed to “reflect on my behavior as a mother”
I think what you want is for him to be just as attentive as You are, you want him to mimic the way you parent. If you ask him to watch the kids you can’t control how he does it.
If you have an issue with how yiur partner parents, its up to you for the sake of your children to communicate with him. You should have sat him down and said “hey, I know youre tired, I know you work hard but the kids love spending time with you when you’re home. I dont mind making/ doing xyz but I would appreciate it if you were a bit more active with the kids. So and so really loves doing ____ with you and so and so loves doing ____ with you so why not try to do those things for just a bit? It helps me, it helps our kids, it helps you become the best dad you can be.” If he responds negatively to THAT then I would so no you weren’t wrong. But basically you just recorded him while he’s probably already tired and turned it into a “life lesson” that wasn’t needed.
You need to get a life…
Ok. Was it a hidden nanny cam or were you standing there with your phone? One is sneaky, one is just a video, to me. All y’all screaming invasion of privacy i assume have permission from every person in every video or picture you ever taken, right?
Definitely went about it the wrong way
What do you mean “ tell you to watch a movie ”not ask you to watch I feel that the wording on this is all wrong…
I think your being petty but I’m sorry you feel the way you do.
Wow that’s some serious passive aggressive behavior. With children being that young do you have any empathy for the fact that he may be new at this too? Sounds like another broken family on the way.
Yeah no, this reminds me of when someone records something going on and does nothing to help a situation. Very childish. He’s your husband you should be able to talk about it.
He was on his phone and you was on your phone…sounds like phones are a problem for everyone.
Maybe try to help him. Kindly show him a proper way to parent. Don’t give up. Things can get better. Your not wasting your time. Your time would be wasted if you gave up on him. At least attempt to help him parent, show him fun things to do with the kids.
He needs to get off the phone and be attentive to his kids,
He needs to be involved and get off that phone. Mine was always about the TV and I told him he basically ignores the kids. If they started yelling or fighting he still just sat there. He would say oh I was watching TV. I didn’t hear them. Lol. Whatever.
He may be wrong for not giving enough attention but you are way out of line to record him. That is a massive invasion of privacy. Learn to have a conversation with your husband instead of trying to embarrass and shame him into being the parent you want him to be with a sneaky video. Make a helpful suggestion like ‘why don’t you sit on the floor and play with the children instead of sitting on the couch’ or ‘have you tried playing with their toys/ reading them a book’ if you’ve tried to help and assist him and he’s still not trying then you really need to have a serious talk about him bonding with his children.
What is SAHM and can we please just type things out? Acronyms are too much. Especially when im in the medical field and need to know those, not just social media Acronyms
This was not the right way to go about fixing the problem. It was confrontational and immature. It would have been much more productive to sit down with him and have a civil discussion about how you’re feeling and let him talk about his feelings as well. Then work on a plan to better parent the children. You also need marriage counseling because there seems to be a lot of miscommunication going on and finger pointing.
I have so many questions… why would you record him with your children? Secondly, I’m sure all men do this! He was with them & no one was hurt. My husband is always on his phone/computers for work, but when I ask him to be with them so I can do laundry/take trash out/bathing 1 of them/etc. he does it. It may not be EXACTLY how I parent, but it’s HIS way of parenting.
My husband works, I’m home with our daughter’s. I rarely ask him to do anything…I feel like it’s my job and going to work os his. It’s 50/50 for both of us. If my husband wants to lay on the couch and look at his phone while the kids are playing then go for it. He doesn’t have to be up playing with them all the time.
Tell him next time to make his own shit n start doing for himself cause you are to busy being mommy daycare! Until he starts holding his own with the kids n appreciating you
Yes you were wrong. He’s an adult. He knows what he’s doing and not doing. You need to apologize obviously and sit down as an adult and express concerns etc. Calmly. Not attacking or belittling.
I can totally relate. Sometimes it takes us to do things like this for them to realize like Oh snap lI can see what you mean but maybe it was the way you approached him. I did this once and I approached him in a respectful and chill way and told him look I don’t wanna offend you but this is how I feel & this is what I see what do you think of this? How would you feel if I did the same thing? I constantly have to stop what I’m doing just to be like hey are you going to finish cleaning or cooking because I can’t if they’re over there getting into things & you can’t keep an eye on them I understand they come home tired & feel like they don’t need to do anything but hey we dont have eyes behind our heads and 8 arms to do everything at once.
What…have a conversation woman… recording him wow
Well if he doesn’t get what your saying I doubt a video is going to “help” him understand. I can see why he doesn’t do what you want him to do. Most guys don’t really know what to do so I can see why he’s mad
I am surprised as to how many are not reading what she said , we had this talk plenty of times, stop with the just sit down and talk to him, it is immature , she must be young , she did talk and apparently several times and it hasn’t worked, so recording him to see what it is he is actually doing, or in this case not doing was just fine.
So what if she recorded him ?? But if she recorded him playing with them it would be fine?? If that’s my husband & children ill recorded them whenever I feel like it. She was trying to show him what it looks like from others point of view. It was immature of him to get mad. He got mad probably bc he knew she was right!
Women. She states they’ve had this talk plenty of times. She just wants the father to be a little more involved with the children not just sit on his ass on the phone.
Nobody likes being recorded, its passive aggressive… Might take him longer to find things he can do with his kids that both enjoy. Take what help you can get with him bc believe me single parenting is so much harder.
My.husband.acts this way too
I learned to do everything myself if he doesnt wanna be a parent
My husband is the same way. But I can assure you it’s cause of how he was raised. Reflect on how he was raised. He might not realize he is doing something wrong because that may be how he was raised. Took 4 years before it started to sink in to my husband and he isn’t perfect still.
I don’t see anything wrong with recording personally. What’s the difference between that and having cameras in the house? Clearly her husband is an absent father that’s there. He wouldn’t get an apology from me
Don’t waste ur breath hun, if he wants to be there he’ll be there. If you stay with him I just hope ur kids see how much you do for them and chose not to follow his example. But I think you were in the wrong to record him he’s an adult who is well aware of his decisions and actions
No u were not in the wrong for recording him. Some people need to see how they act for themselves before they will make changes. If he’s mad at u that just shows how guilty he is
He’s not being a partner. Therapy or leave.
You were wrong. You now won’t be trusted. Bad move
It’s a lot more going on if you need to secretly record your husband watching the kids…
First, dont compare yourself to a single mom. You’re not. Single moms dont get to stay home, they have ALL the financial responsibility of making sure thier children have a home and electric and food and clothes. And they dont have someone they can ask to watch the littles while they shower or cook or do anything.
Sorry buy you need some perspective there.
Second, how would you feel if you were doing doing something and he felt like you were doing it wrong…and he recorded it to use against you?
I would imagine pissed off, hurt, betrayed, and violated just to name a few. Its likely he feels the same way.
Third it’s important to realize that he does not have to do things your way. Hes an adult. Not a child.
You need to learn to let things go and stop trying to force your way of doing things onto him.
Recording him probably was going a bit far…Yes he works but he made the children aswell,he should also when at home help watch/care for them…You are at home doing everything there and when he asked if you could make something for him you didn’t hesitate, wasn’t hard for him to play with the children… Definitely have a calm conversation,if possible where you both can express how you feel and your concerns ect…
I’m gunna come in being 100% honest here…
Sometimes all you need is to see how you act through video ect…
My partner would always talk to me but I’d be head deep in my phone and constantly shrug him and the kids off, saying yep to their questions without even listening or looking at them.
He taped me doing it one day, I seen it a few days later and couldn’t believe what I was seeing…
I felt so horrible, seeing myself ignoring others made me try to change it!!
Point is… the video is what I needed to see, to see how horrible I was being!
It’s a man thing. They are lazy
my husband didn’t start actively watching the kids until they got bigger, and were able to actually sit and play with their toys
Hold on… for real??? So instead of saying, “hey babe, could you get off the phone and play with the kids” you recorded him and tried to be sneaky to throw it in his face and start a fight… So are you like 15 or are you an adult that can use your words to express what you want and need? “He put on a movie and didn’t tell me to come watch it”… Seriously??? You are obviously EXTREMELY immature and need to learn to communicate. Yes you have had this talk, so instead of trying to be sneaky and get video to throw in his face later USE YOUR WORDS and tell him RIGHT THEN. This ALL could have been avoided had you simply said “hey the kids want your attention and you’re staring at your phone”…
My hubs does this. I know other guys that do this. He sits and watches tv. As long as they are okay. My older kids though, he is active when looking after them. Maybe since they’re little he just wants to enjoy his time to relax. He just came from work. He is watching them. So your hubs has differenting parenting styles. Recording was kind of childish. Why would he invite you to watch a movie? He is mad at you. Being single and a sahm is different. Don’t compare the both or you will never be happy if you live your comparing your life to that.
He’s your husband. He needs to grow up and man up.
Believe me even if his help is little your no single mom. Needing milk at 9pm as a single mom will
Make you appreciate any help at all. Hugs.
Um yeah kinda weird to record him. He’s a grown man, not a child. Talk to him instead of basically giving him a video named, “why you’re a bad father by my standards”
This is how my husband watched out kids to. Lol
I don’t think recording him was the right move because you should to maintain the trust he has in you. I understand where you’re coming from though
all the people defending him in the comments…the misogyny is coming from inside the house
first of all yeah the video thing was petty but we’re all petty sometimes especially when we’re stressed. which, DUH you’re stressed. he ain’t doing shit to help you with the kids. having a full time job is not an excuse to suck as a dad. what do you do all day? sit on your ass? yeah, i didn’t think so. you probably clean, do laundry, run errands, manage bills and household tasks, make appointments, the list goes on and on. ALL while taking care of 2 under 2. he needs to come home and give you a damn break. not special order food like you’re a line cook and then lay around. do not let these poor women (who are pissing me off but in reality, are settling for shit themselves and don’t want to acknowledge that it’s a problem) make you think that this is acceptable. it’s not. he either needs to change his behavior like, YESTERDAY, or you need to walk your happy ass out the door so you don’t gotta make fancy desserts for anybody but yourself.
No, I think she has every right. If he’s like this when she’s there can she trust him with the kids when she’s gone. Being a mom is harder than anyone thinks. A partner supports each other.
We all need to be checked with how we handle our kids sometimes. Phones are too big of a distraction and they pull us out of reality where our children really need us to be.
I don’t think him being on his phone was a big deal? He doesn’t have to stare at them to keep an eye on them.
First of all, it’s called recording. Not videoing. Wtf.
“he’s not crying.”
Remember to never start a sentence with the word and.
I don’t think you were wrong, but maybe went about it in the wrong way.
I’ll be completely frank, I guilt trip the shit out of my husband sometimes to get him to pay attention to the damn kids.
Like, bruh. I’m with them all time. Put your phone down and watch these children. There gonna be gone and you’re gonna have missed it all.
These comments don’t pass the Vibe Check. Men don’t listen most of the time anyway. Im sure she’s talked to him about this multiple times. You’re not in the wrong. About anything. Its ok to be on your phone as a parent. But not all the time. Im sorry you’re going through this. The bar indeed is super low for men. If a mother was to do this. We would be called so many names or had rude comments made.
Good luck and hopefully things will get better for you
Next time he need laundry done or dinner cooked or the garbage out. Yell
At it and leave that shit sit. He will notice.
Why is he your baby daddy then? You want to record me without my permission get out.
I would of. I also would of told him to sort his shit out or I’m hiding his phone he wants you to cook him something, cool, watch the damn kids or cook it yourself. You got this x
Lawd have mercy. I would be livid if my spouse did something like that. Like
Someone else said, you’re his wife not his mom.
If you want someone to parent exactly as you, go find that person. Recording him is extra. Do you think I sit on the couch and stare at my kids all day? No, and neither does my boyfriend. Sure he can join in playing with them once in a while but he doesn’t need to do it all the time.
When someone else provides your income and pays your bills you’re nowhere close to being a single mom. I hate when sah moms say that.
Is he your husband or your fiance then? You don’t seem to know. You seem to think your his Momma too. Weird
You had every right. He’s a narcissist and needs to be called out. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad
I don’t think video was the right choice.
I was like if you want a relationship with ur kid/s it starts at day 1. not at age 3,4,5 etc. if he’s complaining he has no relationship he’s the one to look on.
Some of theses comments never mind the negative Nancys clearly they have every thing worked out if it took a video for him to realize that he needs to pay more attention because talking didn’t do it so be it I’d feel the same way if my husband did that and I’d do the same
I don’t see anything wrong with the video. as long as you don’t send it to anyone but him. He’s being emotionally and physically unavailable for his kids. Now is the time to fix it before they grow up and have issues because of it.
The internet/social media is a never ending algorithm to keep us on it all the time, always wanting more interaction, always trying to get us to buy this new “cool product” or “trendy clothes”. Regarding other comments, of course you’re not his mom! He can be on his phone, but he shouldn’t be ignoring his children. The bar is set low for men’s parenting. Why couldn’t he make his own food? Why did you have to ask him to watch his kids? Before anything, you are your children’s mother. You should be worried if their father isn’t emotionally available to them, and you should also try to help their father before it becomes too late.
He’s only mad because you now have proof of him not being present with the kids. Any other time you’ve talked I’m sure he’s tried to gaslight you.
Maybe he’ll sit and reflect on this, and think about why he’s pushed you to that point.
If he asking for that ima assume he Hispanic? Thats the way the wind blows there chick
You have every right! But all in all… you do whats best for your children you are with them! Maybe you get a job and he will be obligated to help, if that doesn’t change than maybe you should reconsider some things… its not always a competition but even tho he works, and you do house stuff… he still uses stuff. It goes both ways no matter the situation. I’ve been there before…don’t be used!
Everyone is bashing her and we don’t know these people or how they truly are. Yes the recording was a bit much but if he knows it bothers her why not try to engage with the kids more? No u don’t need to glue ur eyes to them but put effort. Try communicating without attacking each other.
So much gas lighting in this comment section.
I see what you were trying to prove. You said you’ve had this talk time and time again. So it’s not like you took a video without saying “hey this bothers me”. You were just trying to find a way to open his eyes. Narcissism sucks and it seems he suffers greatly from it. I highly suggest couples counseling and check out narcissism videos on YouTube. Best of luck. It’s really no fun doing all the cleaning and cooking and caring for kids all on your own and when needing a tiny break your spouse sits there and doesn’t truly relieve you from it ignoring the kids for his phone and telling them not to fuss instead of consoling them or paying attention to them. Hugs!!!
How old are yall?? 🤦
…when babies have babies…
Kinda the way a hespanic household runs. You want equality get a job
Maybe the video wasn’t the right choice but then again you can tell somebody everything they are doing wrong but until they see it in the eyes of somebody else they will continue to do it. He isn’t available for your children & that’s not ok. Let him be mad & if he is man enough he will work on it…
Sucks to be him, he’s only
mad cause he got caught doing nothing.
So you never go on your phone when you are with your kids. Yes you can watch the kids while on the phone and I don’t blame him for being pissed
Good for you girl!! He was being lazy and self centered. Maybe you have to spell it out for him like “honey, go interact with the kids”
Hes mad you caught him. But he will live.
Next time you take a break, or look at your phone for 2 mins and not the kids, or hell even let the kids cry for longer than 30 seconds I hope he secretly records it, sends it to you, then calls you lazy and inattentive just so you know how it feels to have it done to you. Then you can reflect on yourself…
My ex husband was like this. I lasted till my kids were 5&3 and left him. I felt like a single parent so thought May as well be one. I got more free time as he had them overnight a Wednesday and every other weekend.