Was I wrong to get upset with my husband?

Leave the housework when she sleeps you sleep unless you wanna be in hospital from burnout because you are going the right way about it if that’s your intentions

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I think you’re exhausted and causing issues where there are none. He can be exhausted from work, whether “desk work” or manual labor. Your levels of exhaustion do not need to be a competition. Men for the most part are oblivious and do not pick up on hints very well. If you want help then ask for it. Don’t complain about him until you communicate what’s wrong… how is he supposed to just know?

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Men aren’t naturally good at validating feelings or putting themselves in some one else’s shoes. I’d be mad too. But then I remember If he tries that’s all you can ask.
Hugs to you tired Momma :orange_heart:

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Nap when baby naps. There is plenty of time to do the rest of the stuff.

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Not alone. Unfortunately, too many men are clueless. My children were 16 months apart. Their father would do nothing for them. And I mean nothing. No diaper changes, no help with feedings after he upset me so much my milk dried up, wouldn’t take care of them while I grocery shopped so I had to take them with me as babies so they would get changed and fed… never mind getting up at night, forget when they were sick after vaccinations or had croup, he would yell at me to shut them up so he could sleep for work. He was Air Force. He was also useless. We ended up getting divorced once I tricked him into letting me go to LPN school so that I would be able to support them. Life was tough. But I wouldn’t give up my babies for anything. We bonded very tight. They are all grown up now and have kids of their own. The oldest has a grandchild. We’re still close. Hang in there, Honey. Hold tight to that baby. Lay down with the baby. Maybe the baby will sleep longer if you’re together. Take shortcuts with the housework. Paper plates. Laundry while you are laying down. Vacuum at night before bed. Dust just before that. Make hubby do what dishes there are. If he won’t help with anything, tell him, “fine, get out.” If you have to do it alone, get rid of the dead weight. It will cut down on laundry, dishes, stuff you have to pick up after, and that sort of thing. And he won’t be slamming and banging around once you do get the baby to sleep. You’ll be ok.

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I so understand. My baby did not like to sleep. I was the one getting up with her. However my husband worked full time, and so did I
It never changed. He complained of getting headaches. Thankfully at 3 she slept through the night. I did all the housework. He did the yard. But, I did manage to get through it. Plus I had to pay a sitter. I was not blessed to stay home. ( I was not allowed to. )

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I recommend leaving him with the baby and chores for 12-24 hours on his day off. Sometimes it’s hard for someone to understand unless they walk in your shoes. If your breast feeding you could always agree to feed the baby but nothing else and have a self care day.

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They’re all the same…I don’t understand why? I have worked plenty of full time jobs in different sectors and done 60 hour work weeks…I still got a wonderful night’s sleep and when I came home I did whatever the fuck I wanted cause I wasn’t mom…I was never as tired as this man acts. A moms job NEVER ends and we are completely unappreciated for it. Hang in there Mama :heart:

Same. And no they don’t know.

Honestly that’s the difference in a woman and a man.

They will NEVER know. And that’s ok, that’s why women are tougher, smarter, and just plain awesome! It will get better mines 7 months now and he’s sleeping more so I’m able to get more sleep.

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You shouldn’t be angry, he’s trying to relate even if it’s not the same thing. And he’s offering to help you, you’re the one who won’t accept the help. You can’t get mad at someone for something you’re putting yourself through when he’s offered help.

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I could’ve written this… and I’m on the verge of going back to work and finding childcare for my youngest two is apparently ONLY MY responsibility…so I need to find childcare for my two kids and then take my other two kids to school and then I will need to head to work. I also had to find after school care for my older two kids

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Ok this is how I see it now that I have raised my 3 and am now a grandma to 4…

You are a worrier! :muscle:

I know we need our husbands and they work hard and they are physically strong… but… honey. God made us STRONG :muscle:
I look back on my life raising my children and I am like WOW!
You got this momma :heart:
It gets easier… then it gets hard again… then easy lol
My advise is talk to your mom if she is still alive, reach out like you are now, talk to your friends and pray :pray: Jesus is my best friend and helper.
Your baby will grow up and change and this is only a season :sunflower::fallen_leaf::snowman_with_snow:
Hang in there :heart:

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It’s not a contest. Why is he getting 8 hours sleep with a newborn. Why is he not taking a turn… so what if he has to get up?

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Switch roles, go to Work and let him stay home. Sometimes we only want our husband to see from our POV but don’t look at theirs.

you told him you need help … if he doesn’t step up and start helping then to take some of the load off you here is what you can / should do

  1. stop doing all things for him … he can do his own dishes from eating , he can do his own laundry , he can cook his own food , pay his own bills , do his own grocery shopping … force him to take care of himself , don’t do anything for him at all …

2 ) start handing him the baby and walk away … take some time to your self whether it be a nap , or spa day , coffee or lunch with a friend … don’t try to be super mom and do it all

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That’s the way babies are. Every mother has been threw that. But as new moms sometimes you have to sacrifice 1 thing out of your day to get the things that you need to be able to handle the rest of your day. You have a baby now. Sometimes going without laundry for a day is the way it’s gotta be. And as a man … all men are the same … us mama’s gotta do it all that’s what we are built to do. Alot of women don’t even have a working spouse to take care of the family so not only do they gotta do it all but they also gotta work along with it.
Be greatful :heart: it’s rough but being a mom to a very small new born requires sacrifice.

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Let him do it and sleep. It may not be when or how you want it done but let go.

I think your knee jerk reaction is from exhaustion. With several ways to get a better grip on things, I suggest stop worrying about household chores, have him help when he gets home(he lives there too) and tell him you need some sleep, ask if he can have the baby 7 or 8pm till midnight and you get some sleep. Wither we are working out of the home or with baby all day it’s still exhausting :sleeping:. Just level out the playing field a little bit more.

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If she is 5 mons and getting up more than every few hrs to eat, she isn’t eating enough. You can put rice cereal in her bottle. Not a ton but a couple of teaspoons. You and her need sleep that isn’t interrupted every 30mins.
As for him, I get it. Truly. But to start that “You aren’t as tired as me” isn’t healthy for your marriage. Plus, do you know what it’s like to be on profile and looked at like a dirtbag at work? Especially if you have desk duty? Not all units are supportive, even if you are hurt.
Y’all need to put yourselves in the other’s shoes and realize in marriage, sometimes it’s 50/50. Sometimes it’s 90/10. You work together and get thru it.
It’s probably time to fix your schedule so you can sleep. When he gets home, go to bed for a few hrs. He’s her dad. He needs that time with her anyway.
There’s fixes for all this but y’all have to be willing to work together.

Sleep when the baby sleeps. Your rest is way more important than housework, which will always be there. If friends bring you supper, take it!

It’s ok to let the dishes go or the laundry , you nap and he can help with dishes and laundry and dinner when he gets home . You sound overwhelmed I’m a professional house cleaner , we help in many ways if you can afford a few hrs if help it would be like night and day .

I think your over reacting and you need to figure out a better way to buy the baby to sleep. Work is hard, you don’t know how he feels as he don’t know how you feel. It’s called communicate. At least he is there and not gone for a year or 2 or even months. Count your blessings he is even there

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Your baby might not be getting enough to eat. Talk to your pediatrician about adding cereal to her meal or other suggestions.

Mental exhaustion is a big thing too. Coupled with physical exhaustion too, it takes it’s toll.
But…don’t let your life just become house chores and baby. Remember that you’re a human too. Sleep when baby does. Get some things done between. He can help out with the housework too.

You weren’t wrong. He doesn’t really know how it feels. Army is easy compared to raising children. At least now he knows and can fill in for you.

Welcome to parenthood. Sounds pretty normal to me.

At 4/5 months after talking to her pediatrician I started putting a little cereal and or a little purée in her bottle. She wasn’t eating enough and was sleeping how yours is. After adding those things to her bottle she started sleeping way more. Leave some of the house work. The laundry will be there tomorrow. Your man can help with dishes when he gets home. Get sleep where you can.

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I don’t think he meant anything bad… he’s just dumb as a rock… if he traded places with you for two days I bet he’d fail miserably. You know why women get stuck doing everything? Because we know we are the only ones that can do it right lol.

Yes, ur hubby is an ah but I don’t think he meant to be. When he gets home, give him the baby and go take a much deserved nap

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Lack of sleep and frustration will definitely kick in the inner rage. Let your husband help you. Take shifts at night. Get some sleep. Eat food. Also…YOU ARE DOING AN EXCELLENT JOB. YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLE MOTHER AND WIFE! You got this, fellow Mama! :muscle:

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Girl I went a week straight with max of 1 hr sleep the whole week my daughter had trouble eating and would choke a lot and I couldn’t sleep at all cuz she would choke in her sleep so I was always worried and awake I worked 40 hrs a week drove 47 miles everyday ,healing from a broken ankle and c section all while carrying my new baby daughter and my 1 yr old son ,my maturity leave didn’t pay me or for my broken ankle so I had to return to work soon, also I would take out trash do dishes washing was hard I had to walk up and down stairs with a healing ankle my son and basket of clothes, I would clean, cook and walked the dogs got groceries by myself with the kids carting 35 bottles water case upstairs and to my apartment was never fun and my daughter had health issues so she would see 8 different therapists and 10 different drs and dad just drank work and sleep. I’d be so exhausted and busy I would go days without showering and I thought being pregnant with my ankle broken was hard but I managed by myself

Count your blessings cuz it can be so much worse
At least he offered to help your just reacting out of anger

Fast forward
I prayed a lot
I still fell alone but dad don’t drink and my daughter is healthier
So I look back and see all the hardship I went through
My daughter wasn’t making me suffer on purpose
I am her mother
I struggled
But I love her so I kept moving
And I did it and dad helps more than he ever did

Being a mom isn’t sunshine and sugar
It’s tough it’s a struggle it’s a job without pay or reward
We do it because we love them because we are their mother and in the end you’ll look back too and see that your okay every thing is okay

Just pray love
Prayers for you :heart:
My daughter is deaf so I teach her ASL and 2 of her therapists are ASL teachers as well
She just got her cocular implant and I can see that she hears and it’s amazing
So all my struggles were worth every thing to be were I’m at today with my babies
It’s hard it was but it’s worth it

When my husband has said that he was about to do that I straight up hand him the baby and tell him I’m going to bed and I better not hear any whining from him. Cause lord knows he will be complaining why the house is a mess and why he got to do it after working all week/day. So mama hand him the baby and go take a well deserved nap. By the time you wake up he’ll have a small glimpse as to what you go through while your at work.

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Honestly, men will likely never understand that level of physical and mental exhaustion until they’ve lived it. Even watching the baby for a while isn’t the same because after you give birth you’re recovering and your body is a mess of leaks and pains and hormones going crazy to try to regulate themselves after having a baby, all while having a newborn glued to your breast what’s seems like 24 hours a day. Motherhood is no joke and men will never understand, unfortunately. He should have said something like, I’m sorry, baby. I know you must be exhausted with all that you’re going thru but he tries to sympathize by talking about how tired he is? :roll_eyes: I mean, he doesn’t understand the level of ‘new mom’ tired. When my first was born in 2003 and the first night home from the hospital I’m sitting up all night nursing and feeding our baby as a new mother and my husband over there just snoring away all night long. It was enough to make me wanna smother him with a pillow :joy: But I totally get it, hon. You’re not alone :pray:t2::purple_heart:

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I always made sure that I napped at least 1x a day when baby napped. All
That other stuff can wait. If you’re up in the middle of the night, throw a load of laundry on and then next time you get up throw in the dryer.
Minuscule things like laundry and dishes can wait. You’re mental, physical an emotional health are more important than a load of dirty laundry.

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Let him help, give him a small list of things to do each day, and it’s ok to let the dishes or laundry go once in awhile. Don’t exhaust yourself, and talk to your Ped about if baby is getting enough to eat or if this is a new thing it could be she’s getting ready to hit a milestone- and it’ll pass. Take a break once a week, even a hr, to do w.e you want to do that’s not house work or baby related

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That’s why I supplement with formula. Or I would never get a wink of sleep! Especially at night I would nurse and give lil bit more in bottle. When they hit growth spurts it could be like feeding every 30 min! It’s beyond exhausting!
I recall my daughter wanting to be latched on all night and day! For that get a binky. U need to let the house go to s$&@ and get healthy snacks ready to eat Becuz ur life is on the go.
Ur hubby is not helping so he can get microwave dinners or sandwiches.
All I know is u need to sleep Becuz u can literally go crazy and or weaken ur immune system and fall sick…
My ex husband would act that way! Raging mad and insulting if I was nursing on his lunch break and he couldn’t heat up left overs himself🙄
My current hubby is very helpful and would miss work if I need a break. He helps middle of night too and he helps with baby. Let’s me rest and in charge of keeping our 5 yr old and 2,5 yr old quiet and out of our room so I can sleep… preggers ow and he knows I was up all night going to bathroom anyway. He doesn’t cook but helps out with the other chores and pets.

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Been their :pray:t2::pensive: three babies myself but I can tell you this it will get better she will start sleeping again threw the night and you will get so use to it I did 99.9 percent myself because well that’s what we do right still do the house kids mowing the yard taking out the trash doctors apt your name it but it just get easier we still have a day where I’m like nope not today we are doing a lazy day mine are now 9 6 and 5 this year they all go to school and honestly I’m probably going to cry my eyes out I miss the days when they were little I wish I had more help so I could enjoy the little things back then instead of being tired and just grumpy all and all I now take on my kids and anyone else that needs someone to help so regularly have 3 to 5 kids threw the summer lol :joy: instead of being angry first pray find peace it works :clap:t2::pray:t2::smiling_face_with_three_hearts: second find what works for you showers I set up a bouncy in the bathroom with tablet playing movie or something so I could enjoy a shower :shower: really changed those sleepless nights or pack and play you gotta starts taking naps sounds crazy and you can’t always do it but say screw the laundry and the dishes just this once and try when you feel like your just done :heavy_check_mark: take the :sleeping: NAP !!

As a Peds nurse: one but of advice- do not feed her during the night. She doesn’t need the calorie intake (unless it’s doctor ordered) and her blood sugar is dipping during the night because her body has gotten used to those feedings. Don’t pick her up even unless she has an adults need (wet). Just sooth her and she’ll eventually realize that she’s not getting what she wants and will fall back to sleep. If her crying disturbs daddy during this time, he needs to understand it’s a transition phase.

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You need to take a break. Yes dishes and laundry need to be done, but your mental health is just as important. Does baby need to learn ASL or are you just wanting her to? If not needed (and if even needed) skipping one day isn’t going to be bad for her. Just relax. Also try to give her more food cause at 5mo and waking up that much to eat seems too much. Is she teething, I she doing it to self-soothe, is she subconsciously reacting to wanting food when waking cause you’ve fed her every time she wakes? I feel that baby needs more food intake at a time or seen by the dr. Husband is tired too. Different kind of tired, but a desk job isn’t easy either and can he mentally draining too especially when it comes to military stuff. Leave stuff for hubby to do when he gets off. Tell him, “hey I needed sleep today so I wasn’t able to do “insert xyz” can you please do them for me?”. Communicate more and give him/tell him daily what you need help with. Men are wired differently and sometimes don’t realize things until pointed out. Annoying, but it needs to be done sometimes.

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I’ve got nothing notable to add but after 3 kids, believe me when I say “This too shall pass!”

You’ll eventually forget how exhausted you are once her schedule changes. Do you have a friend or family member who you could call on to come help give you temporary relief so you can rest up and change your mindset?

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With my child I did dishes and laundry while she was awake with her on my hip.
I slept when she slept.
My mom did the same when she had me and my sister.
Her mom did the same with her kids.

I watched my aunt do the same with her grandkids.

Chores while baby is awake, sleepy when baby sleeps.

I even helped a friend rehab a mobile home with his daughter on my hip because his gf was too lazy to take care of the baby and if she did she couldn’t do anything else at all so I did both.
She later confessed to me that he told her she should be more like me. I also was helping with the rehab after a full 8 hr day at work every day

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My exhaustion is different than my husband’s exhaustion but that doesn’t make him any less exhausted.

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I reccomend you get someone maybe a grandparent watch the baby while you and your husband go to a family therapist and get on the same page about your communication and interpretation. Also you need to talk out your emotions about your newborn, because it’s sounding like (here) that there’s a lot of stress and it’s causing you to resent your baby. Which isn’t really fair. They can’t speak yet so you’re going to get the crying. Unfortunately after talking to your doctor to make sure that your baby is ok, it will be a phase. This is why I want to emphasize the importance of your mental health here. Mothers who feel alone and resent their babies can have extreme lapses in judgement and while it may sound extreme, I don’t want you to do anything you’d regret.

I’m home all day with 3 kids. Then work 4-6 hours in the evening/night.
No one knows exactly how someone feels. Lol unless you’re doing the exact same shit. My fiance does work 10+ hours Mon- Friday and his mother now lives with us. So he’s going to start working two nights with me and help me close. We were already struggling before his mom came here. It’s too stressful.
We just deal with it… Until one of us explodes :rofl:

If he even understood a little, he would get up with the baby too! He isn’t validating your feelings with the “me too” comments either!

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Welcome to having children and being a mother. Lmao. Also. How can a 5 month old be a menace? You just wait till them toddler years. Youre gunna die. :rofl::rofl:

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Well parenting a new baby isn’t easy. He sounds like he wants to help you but isn’t. You’re not alone. It’s not is fault that he doesn’t understand though. He should be helping at night. And as far as during the day you have to let some of that stuff go when you need sleep. You’re 2 ppl so I’m sure you don’t need to do laundry every single day just to have clean clothes. You’re not giving him a chance to help you if you do all that stuff before he gets home. You need to take care of yourself more. Sleep deprivation due to baby is really awful. I mean its the worst. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Let some stuff go during the day and do it together when he gets home. You’re only 2 adults and a baby so I know you’re house can’t be dirty or anything after 1 or 2 days of not doing much. Don’t do the laundry everyday. Let him help with the dishes a few days a week. Just get yourself some sleep and don’t worry about the house.

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He NEEDS to be helping you after work. I can completely understand why that was hurtful. Don’t ask him to help either. Tell him. Give the baby to him after he gets settled after work wether he likes it or not and go get some rest.

You need to sleep when the baby is napping during the day. The cloths can be washed while you sleep and you can dry them when you wake up. You should be on the babies schedule to make it easier on you. You need to adjust so you won’t feel so exhausted. Or leave the laundry for your husband to do when he gets home.

It’s a man thing. My husband does it too. And if I wake him up with the baby at night I get yelled at.

You need to first diagnose why your daughter is waking you so often at night. Are you feeding her baby food and trying her on a little bit of juice in a transitional sippy during the day,bc at 5 months she is going to start needing baby food during the day. At night,add a little bit of baby cereal to her bottles. Her tummy is needing solids. It could also be that she has her days and nights mixed up if she is sleeping a lot during the day,which would mean cutting down on her naps, or she could be teething. None of which is your husband’s fault, so i wouldnt be angry at him. I understand you are exhausted and just plain irritable, but dont lash out at him.

Instead…get to the root of why your daughter does what she does. Babies don’t cry a lot just to be evil. They need something or something is going on to where she is uncomfortable. If she isn’t crying,but is wanting to play and stay awake at night, then most likely needs less naps during the day and more activity to keep her awake so sleeps at night.

Remember the things to rule out…

  1. Days and nights mixed up. More activity and less napping during the day.

  2. Not getting enough solids during the day. Feed baby food every meal,along with some watered down juice. Add baby cereal,mix of oatmeal and rice or just oatmeal cereal,to bottle at night. Put on mobile,projector,or soother so she self soothes to sleep.

  3. Teething. All natural teething tablets and teething gel are great, as well as freezing a wet rag or wet pacifier for her to gum on. Give tylenol every few hours if has a slight temperature with teething.

  4. Gas or gerd. Make sure to not lay her down right after she eats. Gas drops or gripe water before bed.

If rule all that out…I’d see pediatrician bc something is going on to where she can’t relax at night. Also…cut down on what you do during the day and keep her active during the day. Do cleaning in spurts. Play with baby…toss laundry in washer. Feed baby…feed animals or toss dishes in dishwasher…play with baby …get clothes out of washer into dryer…etc. Nap when baby naps during the day. Make sure to not take baby out during her scheduled nap time.

Babies need a schedule,so if need to go get groceries…do it in morning right after she wakes up and is fed or in evening after her nap. Have all drs appts in morning so she can come home and get her afternoon nap. Always lay baby in her bed,after a bath,no later than 7:30 pm. The earlier the better so she has wind down time. That way have quality time with hubby at night before it gets too late. Best thing you could do,if an option,is get a friend or family member to come over one day and watch baby while you nap so can be clear headed to tick things off the list above and get your daughter’s issue figured out. If that isn’t an option,then just lay down when baby naps and get yours in so can think straight and not be so scatter brained and angry. That way aren’t taking it out on your daughter and husband. Good luck!

I’m sure he works hard and is tired but he’s not doing anything to help you or your situation. He needs to pitch in a little!

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Youre getting a lot of advice regarding tips on baby and house so i wont address that.

You don’t hold monopoly on exhaustion. You don’t get to look at him and compare and say you have it worse. You have it DIFFERENT. Maybe he needs to be more Involved at home…but you need to start considering him as well, not just how you feel.

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A husband gets tired to…I didn’t work outside of the home when my kids were babies,he did…So I never expected my husband to get up with them in the middle of the night especially when he had to get up at 5 am to go to work so he could pay our bills…Not that he didn’t get up when the baby woke up he either changed the baby’s diaper,while I got the bottle,or be would get the bottle when I changed the baby…If both work outside the home then YES,BOTH should take turns getting up with the baby

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Being a new mom is hard. If he’s willing to help don’t be afraid to ask for the help when he is there…he prob didn’t mean it in a bad way just that he’s been struggling with work also. Ask him to do the laundry or have him worry about dinner. Y’all are a team…your hormones are high right now and it’s a rough period of time with the baby isn’t sleeping through the night. For the first almost two years of my daughter’s life she didn’t sleep more than 4hours at a time. If that. I was the only one with a car and the only time she wanted to nap during the day was when I took my husband to and from work so I got no break during the day either. I was also working and doing college it was a nightmare

Sometimes we don’t need people to relate but to just say things like “that sounds tiring” or “how can I help make things less stressful” I can understand the frustration. I’d just focus on smaller tasks and be proud of what you did get done. If you have to put baby in crib to cry so you can breathe or shower- that’s on too. Be gentle on yourself. You’re doing the best you can. (Also, signing videos are great! My little one was signing before 1 and it’s helped us avoid alot of meltdowns when he’s able to communicate what he wants and it’s helped him speak earlier too. I know not every baby is the same but I’m just saying what helped with me)

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Mom tired is different than Dad tired. You guys have to remember it isn’t a competition as who’s more tired, or entitled to feel more tired than the other one. The dishes and laundry can either be done while baby is awake, or just leave them until your husband gets home then divide and conquer. Maybe take turns with night shift. Also you’d be surprised how much better you feel after getting some fresh air, take baby for a walk everyday. Also mom groups are beneficial to both you and baby.

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You need to sleep when baby sleeps :zzz: anytime you get the chance, sleep with her. This will help you tremendously. I feel your pain, I’ve been there. Try get your baby on a sleeping routine. My 21 wk old will go to bed between 8-10pm and she’ll sleep until about 8-9am, she does wake up a couple times at night to eat. Maybe talk to a Dr too about how you are feeling. Babies are not menaces, they’re babies and this is what babies do.

Instead of playing the blame game you should write out what you’ll need him to do to help you have a break.

I feel like you shouldn’t compare. Yes you have a lot on your plate but he feels he does too. It wasn’t right of you to compare.

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Coming from another stay at home mom…it’s normal to feel angry and even envious. My husband says all of the same things. However being that he works outside of the house and brings in all the money, he does need the sleep. I stopped caring about the house as much and just do what I can when I can honestly. Take a nap, take a bath, sit outside and breathe if that’s what you need to do. Do whatever you need to do to keep your sanity. If he has a day off, make it known that that’s his time with the baby for a few hours. Leave the house if you have to, they’ll figure it out. If there’s anything I’ve learned in the 3 years that I’ve been a parent it’s that you, the mother, need to be happy and taken care of in order for everyone else to be as well. You got this mama!

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So he doesn’t get to say he’s exhausted because you are?? You sound like those people that say people without kids can’t be tired because you’re tired from caring for your kids.

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Nope…not alone. My husband parents 2% of the time…and I do the other 98%. Try to not let it make you bitter. Keep communicating the need for him to help out. Maybe one day it will sink in…but good luck…it’s been 12 years and mine never understood it :laughing:

On all of my six kids was the same especially my last one and there was no break ever!!! Get the rest you need call a friend call a family member get the help you need and after ur husband gets home from work have everything ready for him after he eats give the baby to him and go do what you need shower or sleep

You are tired, I get it. Your feelings are valid. However, I’m going to give you little bit different perspective…there are men who don’t even lift a finger to help with anything, be grateful you have one that’s willing to help. You need to tell him what you need help with, he’s not a mind reader. Second, there are many Moms out there (hi :raising_hand_woman:) who waited YEARS to be a SAHM. Who would have given anything to not have to send her kids to babysitters. It’s now our job to “do it all”. And if it doesn’t all get done in one day, that’s ok too. You’re only human. But ask for help if you need it, don’t assume he knows and then get angry that he said the wrong thing.

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I know it’s normal to feel that way. I have 5 beautiful all grown girls. In those days I did everything. My husband worked, I worked too mind you but he didn’t get up for feedings at night, just me. It was so hard.
Now they have man maternity leave…

i feel you, i’ve had a disagreement with my husband the last few days about the same thing but we have 6 kids (3 step, 3 bio) and the 3 month old is waking a few times a night but the 2 year old has been sick with bronchitis which turned into pneumonia and i’ve been up with her and between them our eldest is a type 1 diabetic so i’m constantly up checking his glucose. i’m exhausted and have asked several times at night for help and he just lays there and says yea but doesn’t get out of bed so i end up doing it all myself.

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I know SAHM tired and I also know Army tired. Trade places. Get up, go to PT, shower, go to work and pray you get off at 5. It is not a competition. He’s allowed to state how tired he is as you are. Army life is tiring period.

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I think the baby has a lot of attention. As long as she is dry, fed.and in a safe place. She is fine. Let her cry. Take a bath. Get some chores done. Just keep checking on her. Then walk away.

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fill a glove with rice and lay it on her back. It may feel,to her that some is holding her. Raw rice. Good luck

It is wrong of you to compare. You’re not struggling more than him. He’s not struggling more than you. Your struggles are different. Wake up.

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Should not have had a baby

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You need to share the chores and sleep when she sleeps. You’ll figure it out together if you talk it through

Let her cry. Eventually she will stop when she realizes your not coming. Don’t know why she would have to be fed that often.

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Unsure if I read this wrong or not but it sounded like you said he told you not to do all that so you could sleep when she does if that’s the case leave the laundry and dishes for him and see how it goes from there

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It’s so exhausting being a sayh and I completely understand the frustration but it sounds like your husband is willing to help so let him.

Just leave the day time chores for another day and catch up on your sleep. Laundry & dishes will still be there waiting. Bonus, maybe hubby can do the dishes.

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I don’t mean to sound bad or anything but maybe you’re babying her too much. Maybe let her cry it out a bit of course in a healthy way. I understand the frustration I think all new mamas go through it. Hang in there and just breathe.

At 5 mos she should be eating some solids which will help her feel full and she may sleep longer…try not to get frustrated…I know its hard but it will get better

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I totally get this. My first born would sleep in 30 min blocks at about this age. My husband would be sleeping soundly beside me whilst me and the baby would cry together. But realistically our son was exclusively breastfed and my husband drove heavy machinery for 12 hours a day ,he needed sleep.

You don’t need to doball those things every day. Use paper plates, see if a family member can come around and entertain bub for a few house so you can catch up on sleep.

It sounds like your husband is trying to empathise with you, but men are not always good with the words, and it’s hard not to resent them when they are getting a break from the crying and sleeping all night with their useless nipples.

You are doing the best you can, but you are allowed to let things fall to the side too.

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No your not wrong to be upset. He honestly doesn’t know how you feel because of your hormones too. I think you are probably just overwhelmed right now. Maybe ask him to help in the evening so you can have some rest. Sending prayers, I’m a single mom and my daughter is 19 now. The days are long but the years short! :pleading_face::pray:

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You won’t want to hear this… one day you’re gonna miss this! My kid is 18 I’ve done everything for him his whole life. You know how sad it is when they don’t need you after they have been your everything for that long! They grow up and have their own life and all you can do is pray they make good choices and they come home to visit. You’ll get through this short time of hard days and you’ll forget just how hard it was.

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wow tell him he has to help with her also every hour to eat? r u nursing? if so pump n let hubby bottle feed at nite

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First of all… your 5 month baby is NOT a menace… clearly something is wrong, like still hungry or gassy…. That’s doesn’t make an infant a menace…. Your husband should help more. Try feeding her more, or something heavier like cereal. Parenting isn’t always rainbows and butterflies…

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Fater of 2, one is 6 and the other 6months

My wife worked today for 8 hours. Came home, changed and washed up. She’s been sleeping for about 2 hours now.

All the while it is my 1 and only day off this week it’s not the mothers job to do everyrhing by herself. Your ol lady or wife needs help set your little phone down and be a parent. It’s not hard, it’s called responsibilities and teamwork.

Stick the kids with him for a couple days and he’ll understand. Ol lady got sick and the kids was tasked with me. It gave me a different perspective. I help more but still need to be reminded time to time.

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I would neglect the dishes and things that could wait and take that nap with that sweet baby.

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I think this post is hilarious but I def empathize with you as well! No you’re not wrong for getting upset, be upset, just talk about things with him when you’re calm.

Bouncer or exersaucer when doing laundry, dishes, & showering. Don’t wait til baby naps. Let baby see you do these things so as they grow they can learn to help. And just because he’s on a different level of exhaustion doesn’t mean he isn’t as well so diminishing his does no good & only causes more resentment. He pointed out he’d like to help, so take him up on it. If not daily then every few days. Shoot him over a text during his workday & give him a heads up. Just be like, hey babe, I’d love to take a shower as soon as you get home if you could watch the baby & put the dishes away that would be amazing. Then thank him & give him affection for helping. Men need that affirmation too. Babies aren’t easy & marriage is even more difficult with babies.

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I had to work full time and take care of both my kids, house, cooking and laundry because my husband worked offshore. It is exhausting but so worth it. I promise it won’t be like this for long, possibly feed her some solid foods to help her get a good nights rest!!

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You need to forget about the cleaning and take care of yourself first. Take that fricken nap when she’s napping, let those dishes pile up and washing sit in the basket. You are exhausted because you won’t listen to your body. Start listening to it

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He is also exhausted. It shouldn’t be an issue of tit for tat. He probably is tired. However I’m not sure he understands what you’re going thru. I’m sure he thinks because you’re home all day you’re chilling
Discuss with him yhe issues you’re having instead of getting angry. As first time parents how must he smell what you need? And don’t say he can think and use his brain. You need to be explicit.

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I work full time, am training for management, and still have to come home and take care of the kids, clean the house, etc. My husband has them on the weekends while I work and he’s off that’s it. The rest of the week he barely seems them and doesn’t do anything but work and sleeo. I’ve been sick as a dog, almost 26 weeks pregnant, this past week, he took 5 days off of work. Didn’t do a damn thing. I came home from work the other day to the house disgusting. Dishes still piled high in the sink from where I was too sick to do them. Every single two the kids owned spread across the house, laundry, the kids hadnt eaten dinner.

So I had to drop what I was doing, immediately pick up a little because I couldnt breathe from the mess, and then cook dinner, make sure everyone is fed, bathe the kids, put them to bed, then reclean the kitchen.

All while he sat there on his phone after being off work for close to a week. And he wonders why I’m always so grouchy and never in the “mood”

You’re not alone.

All the advice i have is sleep when baby sleeps. I had 2 exactly a year apart and that’s what I had to do with little help.

5 months old and a menace you should be ashamed of yourself for saying that about a baby

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I have a 6 year old that i take back & forth to school, an almost 2 year old and an almost 1 year…i really get the exhaustion part and the not getting a full nights sleep. Sometimes, it helps to just ask your husband for help. He may not know what to do or how to help. Try asking him to help. Telling him what you need help with or asking him to occupy the baby while you nap for an hour or 2.

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He is just trying to validate how you feel by telling you he also feels tired. It’s not a competition he isn’t trying to take away how you feel at all. Just remeber your in this together

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Your feelings are valid.

He can’t read your mind. Maybe a more direct approach?
“Can you do the x,y, or z while I nap (insert activity).”
If he can assist with some of the housework, maybe that will free up some of your day time?

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Please let him know now. Communicate. Both of u need to divide and conquer. If u jet it go u will just get more tired and bitter. That won’t end well. Hoping he responds w willingness to help

Different kind of hard. Crock pot meals. Double them and sleep. The rest will get done when it gets done

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You’re justified in feeling angry but he also isn’t getting the chance to step up he needs to be thrown in the deep end to realise how much work needs to be done just keep nagging he will get the point eventually