Was I wrong to speak up?

My youngest daughters father and I split up back in April after 4 years of marriage. When we first split we had a custody agreement of every other day, for example dad had her Tuesdays, thursdays, Saturdays, and every other Sunday. This worked great for us up until August. During the month of August I had to move out of our home due to landlord selling so we temporarily moved in with my daughters dad. It was only supposed to be for a couple weeks. I would like to add that I have two older children from my first marriage 17 and 15.

While we were split up we were still going back and forth on whether we wanted to try and make it work. Once my kids and I moved in with him he all of the sudden changed his tune and within two days started going and hooking up with his now girlfriend. I knew it would already be to hard for me to deal with so I moved out and moved in with his mom but asked if the older two kids could stay with him until we get a new place. He was fine with that. Well a couple days later I found out that this girl who he swore he wasnt seeing sent him home with some 4t clothes for our daughter who is 2 and well I did a stupid thing out of anger and took them. I did nothing with them but put them in my storage.

When he found out I took the clothes he than proceeded to tell me that my kids and I are no longer welcome at his house anymore and I need to find somewhere else for my two older kids to go because they cant stay with him anymore because they are not his responsibility. He also told me that he no longer wanted our daughter on the weekends anymore because he doeant want to have to give up all his weekends.

So since I had nowhere for all of us to go I moved three hours away to where my parents live. I got covid right when I moved here and was quarantined for two weeks and than started a job right after that. I was able to get a place within three weeks of living here. The first month I was here my daughters dad didnt ask anything about her or when he could see her.

After the first month I finally reached out to him and asked if he was ready to see his daughter yet. He than told me that two weeks after I moved away he moved his girlfriend in. She has two kids of her own and he gave our daughters room to her daughter and didnt even have a bed for our daughter. I told him that he broke our agreement of not being anyone around our daughter until 6 months into the relationship because neither of us wanted random people around her. But even though I was upset about that I still wanted my daughter to see her dad so I requested that he get her a bed and once hes done so we will figure out a time for visitation with him. He proceeded to tell me that she can share the bed with his girlfriends daughter and that should be fine. Well a week of back and forth went on and I finally gave over my play n pack so she could have a bed there and be able to go see him.

He asked if he could see her every other sunday through Tuesday and I told him that that will be ok for a couple weeks but that it would be best of we did every other thursday through Sunday instead. I have Thursday off and he has sunday off so I figured it would be way easier for us to switch her off on those days. Well he seen her for two of the visits and than we got in an argument about his girlfriend posting my daughter on her facebook after I was told to delete pictures he sent me of my daughter with her kids. I told him that the double standard game they are playing isn’t fair. He asked of he could pick her up the next day which was Sunday and I brought up that I would rather have ot switched to the Thursday thru Sunday that we talked about. He got mad said I was keeping her from him, which he has said numerous times only because I required her to at least have her own bed in his house, and that he will than wait until a court order says what the visitation will be. It has now been two weeks and I’ve tried to reach out to him to see of he would like to see her and he has completely ignored me.

I know nothing of his girlfriend but her name and I personally have no issue with her directly because I dont know her, but I do know she says vile 5hings about me like how I’m keep his daughter away from him and putting stipulations on him in order to see his child. She is also pinning him against his mom because his mom has had my childs best interest at heart and agreed that she need her own bed and voiced to him that it wasn’t right for him to give her room to the little girl. Now mind you my daughter only met these people once before she was living with them. I need advice on what I should do and if I was in the wrong for speaking up and requiring certain things for my daughter. Please help I’m at a complete loss with this mainly because before this girl entered the picture we got along pretty well and agreed on almost everything and now he wont even talk to me.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Was I wrong to speak up?

What are you asking?

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Go to court and get a custody agreement. Then he can’t accuse you of keeping her from him.

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Y’all need therapy & Jesus.
This is petty. Like, real petty.
Your daughter isn’t there enough to warrant her own room. Share a room, yes. He shouldn’t have to get a new place with a room that sits empty.
Now, as for visitation, get a court order parenting plan. Stop the back n forth. Make a legal plan so nobody can say anything.
And for the love of all things holy, everybody grow up. :woman_facepalming:

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Bunk beds and legal visitation

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You’re right. She should have a bed there… His mom was right that he shouldn’t have given his own daughter’s room away to his girlfriend’s kid… That’s wrong and hurtful, towards the baby. I’d stop reaching out, let him do it.

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Let him go. Don’t contact him anymore just go to court. It sounds like he’s moving on with this new family and your daughter doesn’t need that in her life.

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Court order and stop worrying about the girlfriend. If she’s not hurting your kid than ignore her and quit adding drama. Your daughter does need a bed at her dad’s so that I wouldn’t let go of. Also quit reaching out to him. If he cared he would reach out to his kid.

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You seriously took clothes that someone helped him with? Y’all weren’t together. Who he got them from shouldn’t have mattered. You should file an amended parenting plan and act like a grown up at some point? I cannot believe you took the clothes and stored them. Holy shit on a shingle. And I agree with the girlfriend. Sorry not sorry. You sound extremely bitter and immature about the whole thing.

Honestly take step back. Let him go tho court then that way no arguments. Chances are he won’t go thro court

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Go see a Solicitor " ASAP "

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You are not wrong for asking for her to have her own bed. Otherwise, she’s already been around his girlfriend so there’s no reason to suddenly say she can’t because you don’t know her. You really don’t get to decide how the other person parents. As long as your daughter isn’t in danger, which you have absolutely no reason or evidence to believe she is, you are being unfair and withholding her. If she has her own bed, give him his time or the court will be unkind to you later.

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I have been in this situation and before anyone comments I’m the least bitter baby mama you’ll ever meet. Hell I babysat my son’s half brother and sister that his dad had after him with another female after she tried to make my life a living hell but thats neither here nor there. In this situation sounds like the guy and you too probably aren’t completely grown up and y’all both want to hurt the other person still and try to make stipulations for the other person. With that being said yes your daughter does need her own bed to sleep in but if she shares a room now so be it. as long as the other child isn’t hurting yours then there is no reason they can’t share a room even tho they aren’t related and she hasn’t known them long. Kids share a room all the time at camp and they don’t know those people either lbs. But as for the picture thing who cares if the gf shares pics of your daughter. More love and compliments on her beauty im sure. and as for the gf being an ass basically I’m sure he’s told her all kinds of Bs. Cut your losses be happy he isn’t your issue anymore and continue to look out for your child’s best interest but don’t beg him to be a dad.

I wouldn’t contact him anymore. If you’re able to get a lawyer and take him to court that I think would be best. Tbh this girlfriend doesn’t sound like a very nice person and I wouldn’t trust her around my kiddo. That’s just me though

The mom is 100% correct in the situation the daughter should have bed And as far as visitation with him picking and choosing when he sees her and legally kids have to have their own bed at a certain age and cannot share with anyone at least to my knowledge go to court and get a custody plan and when he decides to violate it keep notice so they can have his Parent time adjusted accordingly to how he wants to act

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He sounds like an idiot gives up his! Actually daughter’s room for his girlfriends daughter that’s just absolutely ridiculous.
Idgaf if you’re ex husband’s girlfriend lives with him & she’s at the house more it’s not his biological daughter & it seems like he’s putting his girlfriends kids before his own.

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Lawyer up. He is about to start yanking your chain hard. Don’t let him use your little girl.

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First off let me start by saying that I agree on you being cautious of who your child is around even other children. I was one of those who let my daughter go with her dad whenever he asked. She started not wanting to go and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why? I asked a thousand questions and still couldn’t get it out of her. Fast forward she just turned 18 this year. She came to me and told me the reason she stopped wanting to go was because her half sister dads/gfs kid at the time would try and touch her inappropriately and tell my daughter if she didn’t let her she would tell on her. They had them sleeping in the same bed.

Be as cautious as you can when it comes to your babies!

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Such a tangled situation, you sound very level headed. I don’t have any advice except to say, YOU trust YOU, first and foremost…think about 5 years down the track and your wee one could be messed up by the toxicity of dad’s situation…Awesome that her Nana is advocating for her too…Form a united front but still speak to him respectfully…I wish you all the best.

the gf isn wrong…:woman_shrugging:t2: u can’t keep her from hum cause he got new gf… the only thing hes wrong for is not having a bed for the baby…

Come on. Be really honest here. You have a guy who wants to actually see his child and you’re picking! You need to put your emotions aside , it’s not about you! Don’t point at her as she is only hearing his side! Single beds are reasonable if you go halves. Suggest that. Don’t keep her from him. You have not said how she feels at all so to me, she is fine with the arrangement :heart:

I would stop reaching out to him. Let him make contact and put in the effort if he really cares. You can’t force him to be a parent.

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If he agrees to pick ups and drop offs for the Sunday - Tuesday would it work for you then?

Definitely go to court though

He gave his daughters bedroom bed and all her possessions to his new girlfriends child, told you he doesn’t want his biological child on Weekends because he wants that time for himself and his new family, told you she’s not allowed a bedroom or space in a bedroom at his house because his new girlfriends daughter doesn’t like to share and got annoyed when you demanded she at least have a bed?
Go to bloody court, show all the messages you have, use his mother as a witness. He doesn’t deserve any contact with her at all. How do you think her spending time at his is going to make her feel? Her bedroom is someone else’s, so is all her stuff and her bed. She’s not going to feel loved, wanted or welcome, why would you want her going somewhere like that, demand in court that when her dad has her she sleeps at his mom’s house because at least grandmother is saying she needs a bed in a bedroom and is treating and will put her first!

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You have to accept the shift in your relationship and that he’s with another family. I went through it and I made things difficult without realizing how much was my fault. I wanted to control a lot and it made everyone unhappy. Now I know better and see it clearly. I was hurt and angry, and tripped off every little detail, and justified everything I felt. It’s hard. I know. You just have to allow him to be as present as he wants and support their relationship without inserting yourself. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Things get easier when you can put your personal feeling about it all to the side. Don’t get me wrong, he ain’t right for the way he handled things, but it is what it is. You can’t change it, without it hurting their relationship more. Move on and it starts to get a lil easier with time. :pensive::pray:

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FFS. What is the matter with women.
Grow up

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…Starting to think a lot of you don’t fucking read or you just skim the story. :rofl::rofl:

Makes notes and keep messages from them and don’t delete anything

Lawyer up. Document. Everything. The sharing of bed. Him not cooperating with how you want visits. Him moving a girl in after a month and giving up your daughters bed/room. Go for sole custody. Set up legal visitations, I wouldn’t let them be sleepovers since there’s nowhere for her to sleep and there’s strangers in the house. Ask for visitations at his moms house so you look unbiased. This is gonna suck momma but you gotta go through it to have what’s best for you daughter. You can only give so much

I think you need to make some better choices for your poor.kids.

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Y’all both need to stop. That is too much back n forth with your daughter. Pick visits, weekly, biweekly. Stick with it period. Regardless of circumstances for the both of you.

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Wow there’s so much going on here I’m not even sure where to start.

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Just lawyer up and let the court deal with it.
And stop bugging him, if you keep bugging him and his gf, and he documents all of that, takes it to court, its going to look bad on your part.

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From what I get from it seems badly you want you daughter to spend time with her dad. It seems as if you are pushing her on him. Calling all the time giving him chances to see her he gives up her bedroom for another woman’s child. He talks badly about you to her threaten taking you to court. Leave him alone when he misses seeing her he will call. Take some control girl he knows you are weak and he can do or say what he wants he knows you cool off and will call again just seems like a never ending circle for you. Put your big girl panties on and show him who is boss . He is making all the decisions you are just going along with them. Good luck

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As far as the pictures go thats not a double standard the kids together is their family you don’t have any connection to her children…FROM THE POST there could be more it sounds like everytime yall get something worked out you find something to complain about so now hes at the point he wants to wait for courts hes gonna change and his life is gonna change when he meets somebody new and i feel like that really upsets you even if you dont realize it now i dont feel like he should have given her room up but if thus woman is gonna be a permanent person in his life the girls sharing a room probably would have happened eventually anyway…you are being the more difficult one here for sure hes not answering you now because he has done said he wants to go through court leave him be i know that can be hard that hes moving on but you have to :black_heart:

Stop forcing him to be a father, if he decides to prioritize his new family over his biological daughter than let him. It’s his loss, stop blowing up his phone forcing him to see her, if he wanted to he would! Go to court and go from there.

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Sounds like a narc playing games and triangulating you women against each other. Run. Get a court order and put a stop to the games so your kids don’t suffer anymore.

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Save every text message. You’re going to need it. That’s your daughter too. If you’re stocking with the original agreement, as far as who is around her, why are the rules different for him? Get the court order. F him and his girlfriend. I’d he’s not being a parent, your don’t have to be a doormat. He changed the rules… Not you.

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I’d stop trying to get him involved. Sounds to me like his new gf and her child are more important than his own daughter. Just get to court to get the visitation set up to something that works for both of you and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. DO NOT DELETE A SINGLE MESSAGE

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Go to court. Get something in writing.

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just go to court and get something in writing and be done with it.

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It’s over between you two. Let it go! Take him to court and stop acting like a teenager bickering back and forth. Take care of your kids.

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First of all, let the jealously go. He moved on and you’re mad about that. Move on yourself. You both need to stop using this child for a pawn to fight unnecessarily. Sit down together, make a plan and stick to it. As long as he is a good and caring dad and takes proper care of his child while she is there is all that matters. His private life is none of your business. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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He will spend time if he sees fit you cannot force it. Document everything. Go after full custody and move on.

Why would you even want your daughter to be with her “dad” - he sounds vile. You need to grow up and accept the fact that he doesn’t want her so stop pushing.

There are two big issues I see here right off the bat. I think if you take care of these, your issues will for the most part stop. Stop chasing him around like a two year old. If he wants to see her, he needs to put in the initiative and contact you. You dont need to babysit him. Is your original agreement signed by a judge? If it is, you need to stick to what it says by the letter until it is changed and signed by a judge, or you can be held in contempt for any and every deviation from it, the punishment of which can lead to JAIL TIME. If it is a verbal agreement, not a court order signed by a judge, you don’t technically have to do any of this or deal with it. But remember, neither does he, and therein lies the issue. If this is the case, I strongly suggest you go file custody/ visitation/ and/or child support papers at your local courthouse, only so you can get and have it documented who has primary physical custody and makes important decisions. If you dont, he can take her for a visit and legally not return her at any point if there is no legal documents saying who has custody or placement. That’s the first thing you should address if it hasn’t been established. Second, you need to understand, once you break up, you get absolutely no say in who sees your child or lives with your ex or anything pertaining to what happens on his time in his home, unless you can prove it ha5ms your daughter. The ONLY way to circumvent that, is to have it specified directly in the court papers, or go to mediation if you already have papers, form an agreement, and then have it signed by both parties, and then the judge. If both parties do not agree, it is decided on by the judge, so, dont get carried away. Some judges would laugh you out of court for even attempting to put that in mediation papers.

Also, find a way to move on from this relationship and put it behind you. Going forward, communication needs to be about your daughter. If it bothers you that you haven’t met the new gf, then that’s on you to go out of your way to meet her and talk to her. Be the adult. You cant sit here and play victim. If she moved in, she’s there whether you like it or not and most likely not going anywhere anytime soon. So, be the bigger person, suck it up, and do what is best for your daughter. She may not be what you’re portraying her as either. But even if she is, at least you’ll know what you’re working with.

Well in my opinion I just find it mighty convenient to me that the only days that works for u is Thursday-sunday!!! The entire weekend!!! So dad isnt supposed to have a social life or be able to do anything outside of work basically or is she trying to sabotage his new relationship and make sure he doesnt have time to spend with nobody but their child in hopes that they end up back together…also I dont understand how u get upset that the new g/f buys ur daughter, who is also HER NEW BOYFRIENDS DAUGHTER, a new outfit but its ok that 2 of ur older children from a completely different relationship is living with them!!! Sooo shes good enough to provide 24/7 for ur older 2 children who arent even his biological children and zero connection to her but she cant buy ur daughter an outfit who could possibly be her step child one day… Yea it sounds to me that ur just jealous and trying to make it difficult on him anyway u can… The fact that he was even ok with u staying with his family after yall split says more about his personality and the fact that u got petty over an outfit says a lot about u also… Its time for u to move on and let him peacefully do the same cause clearly he has already!!!