We are struggling to parent our teen who is also a parent

So I have a teenager (16) who has literally gone downhill since getting with her boyfriend. I trusted his parents were decent people, and I allowed my daughter, 14 at the time to go to their house for a cookout. I later found out he had gotten her pregnant. So fast forward, we decided it may be easier for her to enroll in online school and be able to graduate early/do schoolwork from home to tend to the baby once the time came. So long story short, it has been nothing but a shit show, my child’s father is residential, but she lives with me full time with little communication with him. She is barely doing her school work at this point, and it has been going on since enrolling. I have no control over being able to place her back in brick-and-mortar. Baby is now one, and the child’s father is involved when he feels like it, but since he has been around, he’s undermining mine and my husbands parenting and telling her we’re in the wrong for punishing her to the point she is undermining us, he has had her smoking weed, got her vaping, he’s a dropout, and she’s very much headed down the same road. We had asked her for her electronics since she wanted to spend her time on the phone or Facebook and TikTok, and since he had bought her a tablet, she told us we couldn’t take it because we didn’t buy it (but it would be her lifeline to him and continuing to slack on school) we’ve been battling for about a year and a half now, and anything and everything we have said or done has either been criticized by a child who thinks he knows everything or has been a fight with my child because of being influenced not to follow by our rules. I need any suggestions on how to get her to do her schoolwork and properly care for her child and somehow handle her boyfriend :sob: am I in the wrong for trying to take her stuff (that I didn’t pay for) because it’s a distraction since she lives under my roof and is still a minor in the process of getting me a truancy charge?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. We are struggling to parent our teen who is also a parent - Mamas Uncut

Your treating her like a regular 16 year old… she isn’t. Let her learn the hard way. She wanted to grow up fast and be a parent. Let her see how hard it is :raised_hands:t4:

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My daughter is 16 and bought her own $500 phone. Best believe I’m taking it when she ain’t acting right. If you are grounded from electronics it don’t matter who paid for the damn thing it’s gone. I would turn the wifi off because she can’t use it without the wifi unless it’s hooked up to a phone plan. But like I said I’d take it. And give her no option. Tell her to get her shit together and until she does so she can’t see/talk to the boyfriend. Homework first

I’m sorry but you can’t treat a mom like a child .

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Not wrong take it I was a 16yr old mom she needs you to still be tough on her make it where the boy friend is allowed at your home give her curfew and times set they can be together I felt lime I hated my mom when I was a mom And thought she could tell me what to do but if not for that I wouldn’t have graduated I probably wouldn’t be a successful mom to an almost 20yr old right now oh I thought I might add my parents did not provide for my child I had to find a way to purchase diapers wipes formula I breatfed for several months but I switched and had to pay for it on my own I was a child in my parents home that had to make grown up decisions with the guidance and toughness of my parents

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What a tough situation. Im sorry, you’re going through this. If it was my house my rules would be followed. If the rules aren’t followed… Time to move out, get a job, and pay their own bills while they still know everything.

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Maybe you and your husband can sit them both down and talk to them about everything!

This little boy does not run your daughters life or dictate to you because he got her pregnant!

Sorry I don’t know what else to suggest :tired_face: you must be furious! :tired_face:

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Give her an ultimatum.
She plays by your rules if she wants this roof over her & her baby’s head. End of.

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Well first you can start holding your daughter accountable of her actions instead of blaming her child’s father and his parents. Your daughter chose to have sex, get pregnant, smoke weed and vape no one made her do these things… Dropping out of high school isn’t the end of the world either. Sure we all want our kids to graduate but that’s not always the case, people go on to college and to have great lives without graduating. Perhaps look into ged testing and her getting a job. As far as the child’s father goes you’re going to have to let her learn on her own how he is and that he doesn’t have her best interest in mind.

Time to grow up! Time for a tough conversation with her and the boyfriend.

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Tough Love
She is not a “regular” 16yr old.

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Boundaries, rules, consequences
Or SHUT OFF WIFI

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A 16 year old who has become a mother… This does not make her an adult. She’s a parent. Not an adult. There is a HUGE difference.

This girl still needs to be raised by her mom.

I’d send her away to family and say she can only come back when she fixes her attitude.

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Tell her she either buckles down and grows up for her child and follows the rules of YOUR house, or she can go find her own place and be on her own taking care of her baby.

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She made an adult Decision so so let her see exactly what being adult is like she wants to go and act like she could make big girl choices because she knows everything she 16A mother Let her make big girl choices on her own and when she fails and it doesn’t turn out right because she’s 16 and doesn’t know everything and be there but sometimes it’s if a child thinks that they can make an adult decision and she did she had sex she had a baby. So let her know it all let her fail its how you learn. Specailky at 16 when you don’t know to much lol

Who paid for the electronics? Who pays for the service provider for them? Does she have a job? Is she paying bills? If not, why not? Get the court involved, you can charge her with being unruly. This will help you with the truancy issues.

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First of all, she is a mom, treat her like one. Second, don’t blame him for her actions. If she is grown enough to have sex and be a mom, then she is certainly old enough to take responsibility for her own actions. He didn’t, “have her smoking weed” or “get her vapi” SHE DID IT ON HER OWN …Unless he literally held a gun to her head

Cut the wi fi off. Have a family meeting. Daughter and boyfriend.

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Have you tried explaining to her that her education is important to have a better career and life for her child!? She’s young and truly has no idea how important it will be for their future! Do you make her do chore’s or help pay any bills!? These are all parts of being an adult/ basic life needs etc! I would tell her she has to get a job or take school more seriously! You have to set boundaries or you will be raising that baby yourself! Good luck

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My sister got pregnant at 14, had baby at 15 and finished her school with a cosmetology license. She has her diploma and was never treated like a kid but as an individual who partook in adult things. Our mom was a single mom of 4. She didn’t have a man or husband for moral support so i can’t give any advice there. All I can say is, spare the rod and spoil the child is in effect on your part. You either change it or keep suffering.

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She’s not a regular 16 year old anymore, so time to stop treating her as such. In order to stay under your roof I would put stipulations up such as no school no job no room and board.

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Change the Wi-Fi password and let her keep the tablet. I would also give her an ultimatum: live in you house she must finish school and follow your rules. Or her emancipated and move out. If she wants to act like an adult then she can become one.
Don’t pay for anything. Don’t make her meals. Let her see what adulthood is like

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Bottom line, you are still her parent and you can take whatever the fuck you want to away from her especially when she’s acting like this. Regardless if she’s a parent or not, remind her that she’s your minor child. And I wouldn’t let the boyfriend over anymore. If he wants to see the baby, then he can get the baby for an hour or two and bring it back, but obviously having him around isn’t helping the situation.

Don’t take her devices, block the wi-fi to those devises unless actively doing school work.

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One if she’s not properly taking care of her child then you as a grandparent need to file for temporary custody of the child.
Second forbid the boyfriend from coming to the house
Have her go apply for ged and complete high school that way then after she completes it then tell her it’s time for her to find a job to support her child and to find daycare for the child while she’s working

You’re treating her like a child even tho technically she still is she truly isn’t the minute she decided to have a baby she needs to be held responsible for her actions regardless of what they are. Stop allowing the boyfriend to come over to your house tho

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Talk to his parents. Come up with a plan together. Communication is key. Tell her what you want and expect off her. Ask her what she want’s to do with her life. The harder you tell her that her boyfriend is bad for her, the harder she will run to him. Good luck

Tough love time momma she’s a parent you give her an ultimatum " abide by my rules or I take custody of the child until you get you’re crap together"
Just cause she lives in you’re house don’t mean you can’t tell her what’s gonna happen and do it if she’s causing you a charge you can’t afford then you tell the judge take her she won’t care for her kid properly the dad is a dropout pothead he’ll probably make them get help and that’s not a bad thing.

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Your house your rules

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My first thought reading your first few sentences was that even if your daughters boyfriends parents were decent people, that doesn’t mean that your daughter and her boyfriend wouldn’t of ever had sex. I know several teens who have great parents and still ended up having sex and some even got pregnant. If teenagers want to do it, they will find a way to do it. My sister was a mom at 16 - lucky the situation here was totally different than your situation. However, I would honestly just let her learn the hard way. If she wants to be done with school, look into signing off on her dropping out of high school at the state level (I know in my state you can drop out if you are at least 16, have parents written consent, and that’s submitted to the state level). Tell her if she doesn’t want to complete her school work then she needs to get a job. Start charging her some bills. She is an adult now. Unfortunately I am sure that it is hard watching your child go down this road but the more you guys push her, the more that she will rebel. It sounds like she needs some tough love and will need to learn the hard way. One day, she will understand why you did and said what you did. Try to hang in there even if it’s hard :heart:

The problem is she is a parent and still a child herself. She needs to learn to think like a mother. They both decided that they were grown enough to have sex, now they have no choice but to be grown enough to take care of their child. Now would be a great time to talk to her about what could happen if CPS gets involved. Would she rather have the electronics taken away for a short while in order to learn responsibility or does she want that baby to end up in the system where she will have no choice but to sort out her priorities and fight tooth and nail to get her child out of the system? Tough love.

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You need to make sure she knows how important her education is now that she is a mother. Her baby is and will always be depending on her. How will she survive as a drop out? I had my first baby at 15 and I wish I had gone farther in school and college. Her life will be so much harder if she doesn’t. Have a serious talk with both of them. Be supportive and treat her like an adult and mother that she now is. Maybe if you change the way you approach her she will see things differently. School is very important but I think she should also be responsible financially somehow so she can see what it really takes to be an adult and raise a child. A part time job to help with baby needs and maybe a little rent. She is living under your roof and she does have to follow your rules. If she isn’t willing to grow up and step up for her child then let her go and find out the hard way.

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Tell her time to marry boyfriend and move out and they can take care of their own family and all the bills that come with it. Your house your rules. Nothing hard to understand about that.

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I’m not in this situation at all and I’m so sorry you are. I take electronic devices away from my teen and his snowmobile (even though he has paid for it.) I constantly remind him, My house, My rules. I would suggest if she doesn’t want to continue going to school then she goes out and finds herself a job and pay for daycare on her own. Charge her rent for living in your home. Making things easier for her right now isn’t going to teach her much of anything. I would put pressure on her to see what struggling is like at a young age. Set your boundaries and stick to them as hard as it is! You’ve got this!

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I had my first child at 17. Finished high school online, also smoked a lot of weed, and went through a period where I can admit, I was not the mom I wanted to be. I never wanted to do my online work so I talked to whoever was in charge and told them my situation. They cut me a deal- I had 24 credits at the time. They said if I finished my 4 classes for the semester they would sign-approving me to graduate with 28 credits instead of 32. Maybe if she can get a deal like that, she’ll put in the effort to get it over with. I’m now 24 and pregnant with my 5th child. My life has not been easy but I’m able to realize that it’s my choices that have made my life harder. My mom has always been my biggest support but also my biggest eye opener. Allow her to grow up and make her own mistakes, but guide her and help her when she’s in too deep… yes she did this to herself, but please try to understand she has so many emotions and thoughts that she can’t/won’t tell you and honestly probably can’t even process herself

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Your home your rules. For both of them.
You can make things super rough if that’s the way she wants it

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Your child wanted to act like an adult. Let her lay in her bed. You’re not parenting a child anymore. You’re parenting a parent. Ease up and let her figure it out. She will feel foolish when she’s 20 going back to high school. That’s on her. Taking her stuff and trying to punish her won’t work the way you think it will.

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Your house your rules. She can either abide or leave. And if she doesn’t want you taking stuff you didn’t pay for then it can leave your home. Again, your home, your rules. Let her find out what a big girl she really is and how supportive her boyfriend is when she has nothing and nowhere to go but home. Firm believer in tough love. Doesn’t mean you can’t help her when she falls on her ass but also don’t let it become a cycle where you’re always bailing her out or she’s always coming back when she has no where to go and then leaves when she finds a new place to lay her head they’ll let her do what she wants.
Grandparent rights are thing in some states, in regard to the baby

If she didn’t do school, she needs a job and needs to pay you guys room and board. End of discussion. She uses your wifi she needs to pay for it. She wants to be an Adult, then treat her like one.

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Being a teenager is HARD.
Being a MOM IS HARD.

She should have a sense of normalcy but also carry on her responsibilities as a mother.

She’s young. She’s new to this still-even after a year.
It’s YOUR job as her mother to make sure she’s going to school.
Get her back into a brick and mortar school and sit down with the boys family and discuss daycare and costs etc.

She might just need a push.
Post partum depression might also be a thing considering she’s a young mom…

I don’t know I guess I’m different and think that taking things away is just not going to work…

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14 or 24, your house, your rules. Does she pay any bills? Doesn’t want to do school, time to look for a job. Wants to act grown, treat her as such. Cut off everything. She’s not entitled to anything. No offense but it sounds like you’re making it easy for her. Time for tough love!

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Nope. Take it all! She’s still a child. She just thought she was ready for adult decisions. She will hate you now, but will love you even more in the long run. Make it hell for both of them. You are the adult in this situation. Put her on lock down. Make her think covid quarantine was a dream! I had my first child at 19 and was so stupid. I wasn’t a real mom. Now it’s a totally different story because I had parents that laid the hammer down! It’s out of love for your child and grandchild. Don’t let that dude hold a candle stick to nothing.

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Sounds like you and dad need to sit down with her, her bf and his parents and start communicating.

Also instead of just constantly arguing and disciplining her, have you tried just treating her and talking to her like an adult? You treating her like a child is probably part of her issue with you. Yes she is 16. But she is a mom too.

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I would just lay down the rules to both of them and if they don’t like it let her go on her own to figure it out herself. Sometimes tough love is what it takes. I got pregnant at 17 had her at 18 and though I got my crap together quickly, started working had my own car and apartment within 3 mo of having her. But I was a drop out(dropped out before I had her) but I did go back and get my GED. But doing it on my own opened my eyes a lot. I had to learn a lot of lessons on my own, although I did have a good support system. It was hard for my parents but they just let me do what I did and basically hoped for the best but stayed supportive instead of trying to force things on me and pushing me away. Set boundaries for being under your roof and stick to them, if she can’t and feels like she can do better on her own then let her learn real quick how easy she actually has it

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My sister was a 16 year old mother who also dropped out of school and kicked herself for it, she got her GED after many years of struggling with a controlling husband. Honestly, I’d tell
Her to enroll in GED classes at night. Then she can parent during the day and you guys can help at night (if you want). She needs to get a job, since she is a mother. She has to make plans when she is 18, so she can better herself, none of this is helping her. Tough love. I’d take the items also and just push her in another direction. Have her talk to other former teen moms and get their opinions and what they went through.

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Take the tablet away. They’re underage in your house, it doesn’t matter who bought it. Kick him out, he has no parental rights since they weren’t married at the time of birth. Tell her she needs to get her act together or you’ll take custody of the baby and kick her out. Stick to your guns :woman_shrugging:t2:

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depending on what state you are in, many doesn’t recognize the teen as having custody but the parent/grandparent in having custody of both.
that could be a leverage point

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Tough love. She can either do school or work. No in between. I agree with changing the wifi password so she can’t use whatever he bought her. She’s a mom now not a regular teenager. If she doesn’t want to follow your house rules then she moves out. She wants to do grown folk stuff then let her be grown.

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Wow this is tough. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Boundaries she’s still your child, but she is now a mother also. Sit down with her and her BF and be very clear on boundaries and if that doesn’t work then do what you have to do. Your daughter will appreciate you for staying on her one day. Also when she turns 17 she can in most states drop out legally. Good luck

I f she refuses to do school. She is telling you she is ready for the world. Make her get a job! She has a child to support. Let her remain at home but expect her to pay for the needs of the child and charge her rent. Who would do their school work when you have no obligation to take care of anything. She entered an adult world welcome her to it. She will make the choice to go to school after some struggle.

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You need to not allow contact between her and him period if he wants to visit the child you or your husband can supervise without her present. No electronics period.

Change your internet password so she can’t use tablet!

You need to make her realize she’s f*cked up, & without an education she’s potentially going to f up her kids life too. Yes she’s a child but regardless she still made a child and needs to take responsibility for her actions.

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Your house. Your minor kid should have no communication with this boy. File child support and custody papers asap. Get your daughter OUT. I was the teenager in this situation. I needed my parents to get me out and they didn’t.

My daughter had a baby at 16. She’s an EMT/ Paramedic and she’s studying to be a traveling nurse. There is hope.
Hang in there and support her, as much as possible. So that she can make it on her own and so that she does not have to depend on immature young men to care for her and her babies.

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I would stop doing things for her and start making her do it for herself, honestly, she’s old enough to get a job and prioritize her future when it comes to school, especiallysince she felt she was grown enough to lay down and get pregnant. If she gets in trouble with truancy too many times, other entities get involved such as cps and foster care, and she can potentially have her baby taken away, especially since there are drugs involved, depending on the laws. Now that’s worse case scenario, I’m not saying it will or should, but it could. Turning off the wifi and her cell phone would be a good idea. His parents can contact you on his behalf directly if needed. Even though they are parents, they are still children, especially still living under their parents roof, and obviously have lost the privilege of electronics and such, and need to earn it back or get it on their own. Tough love.
Before any of you come for me, I had my first daughter at 15 and also moved out with her on my own, with nothing but the clothes that I had on… I got emancipated at 16. Still went to school full time. Took care of her on my own, without help from my parents. I took responsibility for my own actions… This isn’t coming from a biased stand point. I’m looking at it from experience and also as a parent to a now teen. Some of this may be worded wrong, and I apologize for that, but in the jist, it’s time for some tough love.

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Stop treating her like a child. She’s not a child anymore. Let her do it the hard way. Only way she’ll learn

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Absolutely not… I was 16 had a baby and lived with my mom … we got into called the police. They then informed me and her she could do anything she wanted I was still a minor and technically she was the one who was responsible for my baby until I turned 18… At that point even though it was hard I got my shit together and did what I needed to do and what she asked of me… all while still taking care of my child with her help…

I had my 1st son at 15, although I went to a mother and baby school and got all my grades, my mum treated me like an adult. Maybe that’s what she wants, if you keep taking things away she won’t learn to stand on her own two feet x

They’re underage you can take whatever u want from her. He has no rights to the baby either. Do whatever u need to do to try and get your daughter and grandchild on track. Even if it seems like you’re the meanest person in the world right now, she will thank you later.

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I think it’s time for tough love. Kick her out, give her nothing. I doubt the boyfriend will be there to help her and in a meter of time she will be back. She needs to hit rock bottom before she appreciates what she has. I’m sorry your going through this ultimately. My parents had to do this to me however I did not have a child at the time which leads me to believe she will buckle in a shorter period than I did. Then upon returning lay out the boundaries and guidelines. Best of luck, I hope she figures it out sooner than later :heart:

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Change the wifi password. If she won’t give up the tablet, she at least won’t be able to use your wifi to get on it. If she drops out of school, make her get a job and enroll in any benefits that are available to her child. She’ll learn one way or another. It’s not fair for you to have to raise her and her baby.

I’m torn. If you are not paying for it then you are not taking it. But she still Is also a minor living in your house. You’ll also have to tread lightly because now there’s a grandbaby/child involved. You push her away the baby may be going and put in bad spots. I’m usually not for it but if this is such a mess maybe you should be going to court for temporary custody. But again. If you lose she’s going to bolt with that child out of anger

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Your house, your rules. Shut the internet off.

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I would check into grandparents right you may want to get temporary custody until she can go to school like she’s supposed to she needs to get a part-time job because she’s a mom now. And I’d make it clear to him that he needs to get a job and he needs to start being responsible as well or you’ll have no other choice but to file for child support.

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I would tell her it’s either school or she sets up child care and gets a job.

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When you are 16 it’s hard to get a job anywhere as a mother I would help my daughter anyway I can

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She is still a minor. Still a child under your roof. Having a baby doesn’t make you grown up. Baby’s dad should be paying child support since they are not married and baby needs taken care of. She should be in school. Where I live if a minor isn’t going to school it’s delinquency and they can spend time in juvenile detention for it even if they are a parent. You are the parent of your daughter and if it is that bad you need to put your foot down because what is she doing for her baby??? I was a teen mom and I know for sure that no matter how old I am in my mothers house it is still her rules go. My children now, also know that it’s my house my rules. Put your foot down and if she still wants to be an unruly teen then you might have to get cops involved, being a teen mom doesn’t make it okay to act that way and it doesn’t make it okay to neglect a baby.

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In my state, when you have a baby the state sees you as an adult. So she’d be an adult here and no truancy for you. Tell her if she wants to control her life so bad then sign emancipation papers and get out. And also she can sign over the rights to her child she is unfit to care for. That baby deserves stability. Either way you can take full custody of that child easily seeing as she can’t care for herself let alone him/her. Time for tough love. Thats some crap I’d never be able to allow to continue longer than a week. You are way stronger willed than me. She’d have been out after birth when she started slacking. Poor kid is going to never have 2 solid parents unless its you and your husband. Something to think about.

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Are you the parent or are you allowing her to parent you?! Get control of the reigns and take action!

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Treat her like an adult. She made adult choices so she needs to grow up and take care of her business. Stop taking things away and get her a job!

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If you allowed your kid to make a grownup decision like keeping a baby while still having to go to school and work then you need to treat her like she’s a grownup would you like if someone took your stuff no that’s not saying your in the wrong but you need to see your kid as the adult she’s trying to be I mean puke sit her down and explain that she needs to want more out of herself and her boyfriend for her kid also maybe try to build a bond with her boyfriend there young think back to when you were young we all thought we knew best but you having a strong connection with the both of them will take you along way allowing them to be adults in your house opens the door for treating them like adults you might not know what her boyfriend was taught but treating them like there still kids is not gonna get you anywhere

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First, this guy does sound like a bad influence, but your daughter is 100% responsible for her own actions. There seems to be a lot of blaming others for her choices. Blame shifting is a slippery slope because if she hears you say things like “HE got her pregnant,” or “we thought HIS parents were decent people but…” “HE has her smoking weed,” etc it making room for her to make excuses for her part in the whole thing. Those are choices SHE made. Everyone, especially your daughter, needs to recognize that and take responsibility for it. That might be the first step in taking responsibility for everything else in her life. Second, it is obvious that virtual school isn’t doing her any favors. Send her back to in person school where there will be more accountability and less time for shenanigans. Your daughter and grandchild are lucky to have you. You are clearly a loving and supportive family, and this is a difficult situation. I am curious as to who is the primary caregiver to baby? Does she seem attached to baby? Does she understand that smoking weed is grounds for CPS to get involved and question her ability to be a responsible parent, and if so, would she reconsider her behavior? Sending up prayers for guidance for your family.

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I think you need to stop putting all the blame on the boyfriend first. She is just as much at fault as he is. Your giving her an out for her actions. Make her be an adult. It’s hard but needs to be done. Make sure your grandbaby is safe anyway you need to. She’s still a child. If she can’t follow the rules now she needs to learn the hard way before it’s to late. You can’t baby her and want her to act like an adult. It will be hard and hurt but it needs to be done. If you can’t help her at least the baby will have a chance.

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she is Your child living under Your roof. You do what You need to do!!

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First flag he gotten her pregnant, he made her smoke weed NO ur child did these things. She has to take responsibility if she wants to be a bum let her but take the baby.

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My ex had a half sister like this. Her dad put her in a crisis center for teens. She was forced to go to school and take care of her baby. Depending on your state she can be emancipated and you can kick her out and file for custody of her baby. That way baby is taken care of and truancy would not be on you but on her. Harsh but true.

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Your house your rules…. Idc who bought it

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If this girl is so dysfunctional, I worry about the child.

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You are wrong to take things you didn’t pay for. Beyond that. Decide if you want your grandchild or put it up for adoption.

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coming from experience , I Switched from regular schooling to doing online schooling in 6th grade . I then got pregnant (with a very similar boy situation ) and became a mom at 14 . I then decided to move out on my own at 16 . I grew up VERY fast . Maybe you guys need to set up a mediation between your daughter and you and the bf and his parents and work out some sort of agreement.
It was definitely not an easy thing , those tears came with lots of trial and lots of error . i’m now almost 30 and run my own business , have my own house , and support my two girls on my own . There were a lot of things i had to learn for myself. Prayers to you and your family ! It Gets better . just remember that she’s going to find a way to do what she wants regardless and she’s going to have to learn the hard way of that’s the case

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So who the mama, you or her?

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I had same issues with my child when he was around that age. We ended up having to put him into internment through Rimrock foundation. After he finished he has been doing great. He now has a job and never misses a day. I would suggest doing the same thing.

She’s making her own choices and needs to live with those consequences. I was pregnant at 16, I couldn’t put any more blame on the dad as myself. He’s no more responsible then she is, he’s not getting her to do anything, she’s choosing this all on her own. U can take things from her but legally u can’t even if in your house, cops literally told me this when I took my sons phone that I didn’t pay for, it’s some bullshit but she’s correct. She wants to be an adult treat her like one, she needs a job and to pay for herself and her own child.

Time for tough love… Time for her to get a job, do school work ect. Her child her responsibility. Start making her pay you rent. Time to treat her as an adult because that’s what she is since having a child

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Yep. Time she got a job. She made adult decisions. You were willing to help if she went to school but she isn’t. So she needs a job and to start paying her way

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Who is providing for the baby? The dad? Or you? If you are providing for the baby… tell her to ask the daddy for baby stuff… if he can’t provide then use that as a way to show her how important an education is and that is where she is heading… a life of not being able to provide for her child. You need to sit down with them both and show them how hard it would be if they had to provide for themselves…

Make sure she is on birth control, She is a follower, not a leader, or she would want better for herself an child. If you can, home school, then trade school. And talk about how much money she will make versus no trade. Ect.

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I would treat her like a adult. If she doesn’t want to finish school than get out n get a job. She needs to pay bills and grow up. Don’t blame bf it’s not all him she had the same chance as he. So stop treating her like a kid n show her how to woman up

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Unfortunately kids don’t listen. My daughter met a boy when she was 13. We weren’t aware of the boy till she was 16. She would meet him when sleeping over a friends house. The parents of the friend allowed sleep overs with the boyfriend and never told us. When the boyfriend beat her up for the first time we found out about him. My son’s got him and gave him what he gave my daughter. We grounded her and she wasn’t allowed to date him. He was 4 years older than her. On her 18 birthday he came to pick her up and move her out. She ended up pregnant. When he killed her dog she still didn’t believe us when we told her he was a sociopath and a narcissist. Our beautiful grandson was born. By the time the baby was 6 days old he had a second degree burn and two broken femurs. He’s 6 and healthy now. My daughter left him and moved back home. She was shocked at what happened. She realized we were right all along about the boyfriend. She now says she wishes she would have listened to us. They never realize we as parents have lived and already seen so much. We don’t want them to go through hardship. Other than moving out of state and taking your daughter with you, she won’t change her mind about him till something happens. They don’t listen till it’s too late

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Don’t Fight Her on the things He bought Her. TRY USING Reverse Physiology on Her But Don’t Stop Loving Her or the Baby!

Tell her to get a job. Who pays for the babies current needs? If she refuses, go get custody of the baby and kick her out

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Your not gonna get any respect. You need too tell her she needs too move out. If she is not gonna do her side of the deal. The two of them needs too grow up. she not gonna grow up living there. Do you take care of the baby?

Teen mom here (22 now)
My parents missed the signs of my boyfriend abusing me and my son and didnt teach me to recognize that or that things were as bad as they were. Considering the way they parented and behaved.
My boyfriend (not sons dad) almost killed my son and i was STILL scared/wrapped around his finger/and trying to escape the abuse and NEGLECT of my parents.

I emphasis the word NEGLECT because its shitty but That’s what this is. You are neglecting her and she is neglecting her child.
You are still her parent.
I would suggest putting her in a group home or counseling facility and trying to get that baby in a stable environment. Be it with you or someone else.

Im still not a stable environment for my child (granted I have diagnosed disabilities now) and he is 5 years old.
This is a great start.

Go to court an take custody of your grandchild, you can prove she’s not taking care of them by what she’s doing an who she’s with, especially if she can’t pass a court ordered drug test, yes she’s under your roof so take her things she’s a minor, the court when u get custody will make her do school work n provide n prove she can care for her child before they give her custody back probably not till she’s 18 or graduates n passes drug ordered test

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I think the first step is to stop blaming everything on him! Your daughter is making her own choices, I get he might not be ideal but he is a teen and we all know teens aren’t the smartest at making decisions. The more you push her away from him the more she will reach for him. Instead try to help her and teach her how to be a good mom. Explain to her how important it is to graduate high school! No you can’t take away the tablet someone else bought but I wouldn’t allow it in your house, just say he can keep it or it stays outside. I think a mediation between ALL parents is definitely a great idea! Sit down and talk to them like parents bc that is what they are now!

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Where is the baby when she’s doing all of this? If you (the grandma) is watching the baby while she’s out, you need to STOP! I had my first at 16 and my mom let me know from the beginning that I was going to take care of her not her. She babysat ONLY when I went to and from school and some nights when I went out with my BD. She didn’t let me go out while I lived under her roof. I didn’t party, do drugs or anything because I had to tend to MY child. Some parents like to blame it on the teen parent but it comes down to them keeping to baby while their teen acts out. Put your foot down Mama!

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When I see posts like this I literally ask myself do parents even try to talk to their children anymore do y’all really just go to taking things away and acting like the child is the problem maybe try to talk to your daughter if my mom had even tried to talk to me whenever I was 16 and had my son me and her wouldn’t be on bad terms rn

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I think you are doing too much parenting. She needs more support and guidance. She’s a mother now and needs to parent her own child. Do more grandparenting and advising. Create more opportunities for her to parent; be a guide to what us parents do. At 16 she can get her working papers and work part time. Enroll baby in daycare. Let her go and get state help with childcare, etc. Be a support for her, give her a little control over her life. Ask her what does she need from you; how can you help; where does she see herself in the next year or so;write goals together; create those conversations. Treat her like an adult. She probably feels smothered. Try to motivate her to pass her classes, tell her if she at least pass all her classes then she can have a weekend in the summer for a mini getaway and you’ll stay with baby for example! Encourage her to reach goals and be rewarded, but whatever those are keep your words. Let her know that as long as she continues to do her part and be a responsibility mother, you’ll be there to help every step of the way. You’re not dealing with a “regular” 16 year old anymore.

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Wow… So your daughter gets zero blame for the bad things she’s doing… HE got her pregnant? Nope… That’s definitely takes 2… He’s got her smoking and vaping? Nope… She definitely has to hold and inhale cigarettes and vapes herself… Maybe he isn’t the greatest influence but your daughter is just as much at fault for all of these things… Idc if my kid buys something with their money or not… Disrespect your parents and I’ll take your room and everything in it and you’ll find yourself sleeping on the couch,getting up and going to bed according to other peoples schedules… No more sleeping in or staying up late… kids deserve respect as much as adults but we all have to earn that… Parents accept eye rolls and teeth sucking and back talk these days like it’s just something kids go through…" Oh she’s 15 don’t you remember being 15" yea I do and I would have never disrespected my mother… I didn’t even get spanked but I knew better! The world is going to be full of these awful kids that had parents who were to busy trying to tiptoe around feelings that they leave the rest of the world to have to deal with what they’ve created! Parent your children!!! Don’t beat on them them or disrespect them or be hateful… But for f*cks sake teach them right from wrong,that there are consequences for every action,that sometimes you have to do things that you don’t want to do bc it’s what’s right,teach them to be kind and honest and respectful of people of their feelings,teach them to work hard for the things they want… Something … anything!!! It’s her tablet and I can’t take it away​:rofl::rofl: my ass