In the uk youre no longer considered a child at 16. You can leave school, have children, get married, work, vote…but you can’t buy drink or cigarettes, fireworks , knives etc…
Personally id sit her down and ask her what she wants to do with her life. Is there an option for night school, college courses or trade school ? Can she claim benefits to help support herself and her child if she gets a flat ?
Can you do childcare while she studies something she’s interested in or gets full time employment ?
She needs to take responsibility for herself and her child…but that doesn’t mean kicking her out or not supporting her. She needs to have an income of some kind because you are not responsible for her child…she is
Its easy to take over rather than support. Both of them are young but thats no excuse for not taking responsibility. Young parents can be excellent but sometimes need a push in the right direction
In the uk youre no longer considered a child at 16. You can leave school, have children, get married, work, vote…but you can’t buy drink or cigarettes, fireworks , knives etc…
I’d personally talk to lawyer about custody of the baby and what rights you have over your child even though she is a parent. I’d also look into if you can trespass him off your property if he’s bringing drugs onto the property.
Your house. Turn off the wifi. Can’t use the tablet unless he pays for the data for it. Talk to his parents if he still lives with them. She is a minor and is under your custody. Where is baby ? If you’re providing for it and taking care of it, it may be better for you to get Guardianship over it until she decides she’s going to be a better person for her child.
She is still a child herself. She needs to understand that she made the decision to lay down and get pregnant with this boy and that decision will be qith her for the rest of her life. And being so, she needs to make appropriate decisions that will better the life of her child.
I was a mom at 15… but I got married at 14 (pregnant) I lived with my Dad a few months then into my own apt. Husband worked at a car wash. The only state help we got was WIC. I went to D.A.P.I. to finish 9th grade. And to the clinic for prenatal care. I hear some H.S. have Daycares… if not Dapi you could take your baby with you… they had a nursery (I didn’t do this). I also babysat two children. I was given the GED books by a wonderful couple at our Church. At 17 I did take the GED, I was pregnant with #2. Thank God I passed it. I also sold Avon at this point. I was mature for my age and got involved in our Church and had a lot of great examples in my life! I now have six children. They all went to Christian school and 5 out of 6 went to college. And #6 ( my miracle… had tubal done w/previous C-section) got his PhD. The Lord Is STILL In Control
I would change the WiFi passwords and not give them to her. And take her back to regular school.
Being 16 and a teen mom. Take her to apply for help in all areas
Have you taken her out and actually talked to her? Take her and her baby out for a lunch date. Sauce her up, have a good time; then start asking deep questions. What she wants to do in the future, her goals ect. Talk to her as a friend instead of a parent. It’s gonna take everything in you. She’s an “adult” now. If she doesn’t want to Finnish HS tell her she needs to get her GED. Help her get certifications though community College - follow her path (with a bit of gentle guidance)
Call child services. Get her life evaluated by them. They will show her what it’s like to be a teen mom and teach her to parent her child, make better choices for herself and her child. Change the wifi password and only allow the school site on whatever device she is using. Don’t allow the boyfriend to the house, and if need be, go as far as court proceedings for guardianship of that infant if you feel it’s not properly cared for and the mother isn’t taking the steps to ensure it is
Also. Unpopular opinion, your daughter is CAPABLE of making her own choices. She CHOSE to have sex, have a baby, and let her studies slack…Maybe with the influence or those around her, HOWEVER, she still needs to be held accountable to her choices, actions and consequences. If you keep blaming everyone else for her, she will continue to do the same the rest of her life.
Teach her accountability, display the consequences for ALL (good and bad) actions and then teach her ways to better herself, her parenting, her life.
Take her stuff and tell the boyfriend that if he is going to undermine your authority then he won’t be coming around. If they don’t like it then maybe they will straighten up. Bottom line is, I don’t care if they’re parents or not. They’re still kids! You need to act like the parent and get control of your house back!
I’d do the same as you with LIMITED supervised visit from the baby daddy!
She needs to get a job on weekends and go back to normal school during the day and put baby in daycare. I think this would be a lot easier and give her the responsibility to act more mature and realize how life really is.
POV from a twenty year veteran of being a 16 year old first time mom. I hope I get the words right. As hard as it is for parents (I now have a 16 and almost 15 year old daughters) you have to understand that when your teen is pregnant they are essentially the one who has to make their decisions. Offer advice, offer help. The harder you try to push your own wants, the further you will push her away along with the grandchild. And quite possibly a harder path than she’s already going down. She knows she made a mistake, she knows this changes her life forever. If she’s already decided she wants to keep her baby, then she’s already made her third adult choice on this path. The first adult choice was having sex, the second was telling her parents she’s pregnant. And let me tell you, that was the hardest decision she’s made so far. I was the good kid too. I got pregnant at 15 and had my son, who just turned 20 Monday, two and a half weeks after turning 16. My dad acted like I didn’t even exist because he was hurt so badly by my choices. My mom tried to continue parenting and trying to make my decisions for me, which I get it now, that’s what moms do. She thought she was helping, but they essentially keep pushing me away inch by inch. I moved out and raised my son with little communication with my family because they kept interfering with my parental decisions. Eventually I moved to a whole other area of the country because they didn’t understand the boundaries I had put in place. They treated me as that 15 year old little girl for 12 strait years. You need to check the laws in the state you live, the state I lived in once you give birth to a living child, regardless of parents age you are immediately and legally emancipated. Some states is once you are pregnant you can become emancipated. You are the parent I know, you need to not only think about the short term but the long term effects as well. Being that teen mom myself, if my children (i have 4 of them aged 13, almost 15, 16 and recently turned 20) I plan to support them, offer advice and help to the best of my ability. As I know how it is to be in that predicament myself. I’d rather go on having a relationship with my child and grandchild than to push them into wanting to get away as fast as I can. My dad finally spoke to me after 10 months when I had to use the restroom very badly in the middle of feeding my son his morning bottle and I begged him with tears in my eyes to not take his hurt out on an innocent baby who did nothing to deserve it. He fed him and the were thick as thieves until I moved across the country. My mom never understood why I would never listen or take her advice and it honestly was because of how she presented it, it was all or nothing for her. I either took her advice and followed through as she directed regardless of my own wishes for how I wanted to raise my child, or I could not have her help. I moved out at 17 and never came back. In regards to the father of your grandchild, only time will tell. I thought I was in love with my son’s father. My grandparents suggested not giving my son his dad’s last name since we weren’t married, that is the one piece of advice I look back on now and regret not listening too. My son’s dad was in and out for 18 years and only in when it was convenient for him. My son finally figured it out at graduation from HS. I always tell my children the truth and never sugar coat things. If I don’t have the answer then I direct them to the person who does. I’m not perfect by any means. I am a cautionary tale to be honest. I’m the product of an overprotective mom because she herself was a teen mom. She thought she failed as a mom when I got pregnant. I learned this all 17 years after the fact when talking with her in a moment that we were both vulnerable enough to lay down our weapons. What she saw as protection I saw as overbearing and an attempt to undermine my authority as my child’s parent. It’s a long difficult road your daughter has chosen to travel down. You need to figure out where you want to be in the long run. Because if you push too hard you may push yourself out and if you push too little you will push yourself out too. Threats won’t help. Love and support, don’t be an enabler by any means because that is just as detrimental as being overbearing. I suggest having an adult conversation with your child, because ready or not she has until that child is born to be ready to be an adult. I wish you good luck, peace of mind and love. This is one of the most difficult paths a mom and daughter can go down. I hope it turns out better for you and your daughter and grandchild than for me and my parents. I do have a great life though regardless of being a teen mom. My son’s arrival taught me lessons in life that made me a stronger person. Having him gave me the strength to leave my drug addicted pending felon of a boyfriend (who was his dad). I met and married a wonderful man, had three more children, finished school with my original class, went to college. I’m the only independent child of my parents three children. And honestly if it was not for getting pregnant at 15, I would most likely be dead or in jail. The people I hung out with at 15 are all with dead or convicts. My parents thought I was the good girl, because that’s what I wanted them to think. I thought I was smarter than my mom and not dumb enough to get pregnant in HS. But that child was my saving grace. And to this day I say that if not for him I wouldn’t be who I am. He made me into a string and independent mom, though he was so little. I wanted to always strive for the best. Have faith in the way you raised your daughter, because those life lessons on morals will never leave for good and she may surprise you.
Your making up alot of excuses … HE didnt make her do anything! She made a poor decision and now if a mom! You are gma. Step back and allow her to learn! Better yet tell her it’s time to move! You sounds like a miserable gma… breaks my heart! You cant education her about sex after shes pregnant:/ just support them.
Dod u know if she dont go to school or in your case she will be taken to court not you. I was scared of this with my 16 year old but they told her she would go instead of me going to jail. Cause she is old enought
honestly she’s choosing to make terrible decisions. her bf isnt helping anything because he’s the one who started this influence going but from the moment he started she had every choice to say no. to all of it. id worry about that little baby’s safety first and foremost. and kick her out if you have to to get a point across. sorry but that sounds like the only way to get anything across at this point.
First and foremost, “he got her pregnant” is a ridiculous statement. She was a willing participant and therefore just as responsible for the creation of a child. Secondly, yes she lives in your home and should respect your rules, but she is also considered an emancipated adult in most states. I left home at 16 and there was not a thing my parents could do about it. I married at 17. So I’d be careful here as she may do the same and then what?
If she doesn’t want to finish school, you can’t force it. My parents tried to force it on me and I convinced myself I would drop out. The moment I got out from under them, I was back in school. I finished with honors and a high GPA. I’m now in law school. Stop forcing decisions on her. Yes, she is your child, but she is now a mother, and that makes her an adult in many senses of the word. You forcing things on her will cause her to reject whatever it is and she will do the opposite. She needs a bit of freedom as she is an adult.
As a woman who had a baby at 16, there is no way I would have accepted “being grounded”. I was a mother, not a child. This is exactly why I left home at 16. My parents wanted to control me and every decision I made for myself and MY own child. That is not your place. You should have done that prior to her getting pregnant. Now she is not a child and you will never be able to control her.
She will have to learn for herself. It’s life. She needs to grow and be the grownup she apparently thinks she is. Make her get a job, and take full responsibility for her child. Don’t help her.
Everyone calling for her to take custody of the baby, and saying this girl is dysfunctional though is either an overbearing parent or has never had an overbearing parent. If my grandmother had described me at this age in the same situation I would have sounded “dysfunctional” too. Because to her I was, because she couldn’t control me or my decisions anymore. I was not dysfunctional, I simply made decisionsfor myself she did not agree with. I was a good kid, but I was a mother and refused my parents the right to make decisions for me or my child. Which is what it sounds like here. Yes the decisions this girl is making may not be the best decisions, but I mean she got pregnant at 14, I don’t think vaping is a huge deal at this point.
Also, just because she got pregnant during supervision of the bf’s parents doesn’t make them bad people. My husband’s parents were great and tried their best but teenagers will always find a way.
Turn the wifi off for just the tablet you can do that by going into the app. I do it in the xfinity app
If she wants to be an adult and make her own choices, let her, get custody of that baby and have her move out and be a bum on her own, with only what she has bought herself, or her kids father bought her since that’s so important. What you’re doing clearly isn’t working. Why fight everyday when life can kick her in the but more swiftly?
she is making her own choices even if you want to blame him. She has a mind of her own. I was 16 and pregnant and dropped out to be with and raise my son with my abusive ex. I did end up wanting to change my life and re enrolled in online school. But you can’t force her to do something. In most states if a woman has a child as a teen they are considered an adult because they are now responsible for a child of their own. If you’re that worried about your grandchild then petition the court for guardianship until she and the dad can be responsible enough to have their child back. As far as school, I know you want better for her but if she is adamant on slacking then let her hit rock bottom. Some people need to hit rock bottom before they realize they screwed up. Being strict and taking things away isn’t going to help but make her want to act out even more. My parents told me I couldn’t move out at 16 to live with my ex and have our baby. But I did move out anyway and didn’t talk to them for almost a month Simply because they wanted to try and control me and my unborn child. Did I regret my decisions? Yes and my parents ended up welcoming me and my son home with open arms even though I treated them like crap and thought I knew everything. Maybe taking guardianship of her child will make her see her ways are wrong but also keep in mind she is still a teenager. Once she had that baby she should have taken responsibility and grew up but sometimes that’s not the case
My only advice is don’t give up on her. This is when she needs you the most.
Talk to her. A real deep honest conversation.
Show that little b of a man whose boss or he’ll keep disrespecting you because you are the primary caregiver of your daughter. He has no say in the life you provide for your granddaughter and daughter because in the end, when he leaves, you’ll be fully responsible for your child and grandchild. Show him the way out the door and make his life a living hell. Lol I can relate to this, ive been a single mom and I’ve done this to losers…dont show him that you’ll back down…
I’d set her down one last time and I’d let her know if things don’t change she can go, as for your grandbaby you may want to try to get guardianship just in case things go wrong don’t take that baby from her unless it’s an absolute necessity but these kids think they know everything and you have to let them fail on their own but I’d tell her one more time these are your rules this is what you expect if she can’t follow them she needs to get out
Some kids need to learn the hard way. Tell her she needs to listen to you guys or she needs to move out. She’ll realize how hard the real world is when nobody is there supporting her. Just be ready for her to come back because that’s exactly what’s going to happen her dude is going to cheat on her they’re not gonna stay together. And she’s gonna regret everything sooner or later.
Hia parents could be the best parents in world and he could’ve still gotten her pregnant. It takes two to make a baby.
She needs a job also. Can’t keep supporting them just for her not to do anything.
y’all saying take the baby are ridiculous.
Ok sorry but right off the bat, “he got her pregnant” unless she was raped, THEY got pregnant.
As long as she is going to live in your house then there needs to be some mutual respect and ground rules that are agreed to, but again BOTH WAYS:woman_shrugging: Yes you support her in keeping her baby at a young age but by all definitions she is still a child herself and you cannot allow her to straddle this fence of “I’m grown now” without taking on the responsibilities to back that thinking up. I would start with therapy and some self improvement type activities! She’s a mom now and at that a teen mom which comes a whole lot harder than the other way and being a parent period is hard AF:100: She will need to learn lots of patience and how to properly parent which is challenging when youdon’t know how to make good decisions yourself, plus self care and maintaining your mental health is something MOST ADULTS struggle with so some therapy and case management services can help her to find some local resources and teach her how to access those things when she’s in need and struggling with something (which she will often if she continues down these paths she’s on and even more so really) and also work on her habits and lifestyle and hopefully get her to make some goals and start sticking with them and accomplishing some things:crossed_fingers: Ultimately all of this will come down to HER though and I hear a lot of blame being placed on others rather than on her and I get it bc we love our kids and we know how we raised them but at the end of the day your daughter is lacking respect for you and herself really and that is an underlying issue that if you don’t start to handle it will continue to resurface in every part of you two’s relationship for years and years to come🥲 All teens go through these stages but the difference here is your daughter made the forever life altering choice to become a mother herself so she needs to learn that she lost that right to be selfish when she made that choice and it’s no longer about her or him or you or ANYONE except that baby and it stays that way until the day she dies!!! If she really cannot or chooses not to try to improve then personally I wouldn’t have her continue living in my home:woman_shrugging: I know that sounds harsh bc well what is she gonna do and of course the baby but the thing here is that she wants to act like an adult without any of the adult responsibilities and right now you are enabling that behavior bc she doesn’t HAVE to be responsible being in your home and really it’s giving her a false sense of how things really are and meanwhile she’s just further developing these really bad habits and behaviors and ultimately it will be YOUR GRANDCHILDREN THAT WILL BE PAYING THE PRICES OF HER LIFESTYLE:cry: I have seen decent results with a “behavior contract” and then some type of rewards system! You 2 sit down and discuss the expectations and rules and such(this has to be done respectfully on your end though, you cannot talk AT HER) and you lay your ground rules and what you want to see more of, what you want to see less of(changes cannot be made immediately, it takes 21 days to begin to form a habit) and as long as this is done clearly and concisely and she understands what’s being asked of her she SHOULD be able to begin her internal work. With her age I like seeing the rewards system involve a bit more “grown up” prizes, otherwise the motivation won’t be there as much… Like go to BBW and other stores she likes, tj Maxx type places are great as well, get sample and full size items and at the end of the week you 2 discuss her “progress” for the week, you can even track it during the week, and she gets to choose a reward. Maybe monthly it’s a full size or some kind of treat for HER, like nails or something that will not only be intriguing for a kid that’s 16 but also something that a tired mom would really enjoy bc it makes you feel human again. Imo this sounds like a really really tough situation but she doesn’t sound so far gone that you cannot help her get back on track!!! It’s tough bc she is now a mom herself but at the end of the day YOU’RE HER MOM and it is OUR JOB as moms to guide them and if she doesn’t WANT your guidance then it sounds like it’s time to grow TF up then and like fr fr, not being a kid ACTING like an adult. I also think a support group for young mothers could be a great resource! All these things exist but you’ve got to find them and BE INVOLVED. It really sounds like she could use not only a wake up call but some education and fr some better influences in her life but if it’s left up to her she’s just going to gravitate towards all these things that are really harming her worse, she just can’t see that yet bc she is still just a child herself. So as momma jump in and ensure that you at very least TRY to give her the tools she will need to be successful and if she refuses them once you do at least you KNOW WITH CONFIDENCE that this isn’t on you and you did EVERYTHING THAT YOU COULD. Prayers love bc I know this can’t be easy and I can only imagine the stress you’re under with all of this and you may even want to find some support yourself:heartpulse: We’re always stronger together And you’re never, ever alone! Someone somewhere has gone through the EXACT SAME THING at some point and maybe you don’t take their advice exactly, or at all really but having someone understand and validate you sometimes goes so much further than any advice anyway and I’m speaking purely from experience hun
I just want to make sure you realize that none of this is “his fault”. He is not making her smoke weed or vape or be rude to you
Those are 1000% her decisions. There is no room for blame here except the erson doing the actions. The other thing that really got me about this is the very beginning where u said u thought his parents were decent people but basically they ALLOWED their son to get your daughter pregnant. That is not how life works. Teens are going to do what they what. If they want to have sex they are going to find a way.
As far as school goes honestly you can’t force her. As much as we all wish it worked that way. Sure you could get authorities involved but really what good would that do? My suggestion is to go back to the bare minimum. Don’t stop caring for the innocent grandkids, but your daughter doesn’t need anything extra. Get rid of the tvs and the internet and cell phones. No rides. No visitors. All of it. Until she makes better decisions. You provide a roof over her head and food. That’s it. Yep you will have to suffer through that too but seems like you are willing to make big changes to make her also make changes.
As the once kid in this situation (although I never skipped school and still graduated with my class top 10%), please take it from me. The further you try to push him away, the more she’ll pursue him. It’s human nature. We want what we can’t have. I say talk to them both together and let them know they’re still kids, she still depends on you and also parents so we need to maintain ground rules, visiting schedule, school time schedule, etc. and they both need to have plans for their future, whether that be together or not. Make it about the baby but also them and their futures. The more you fight them, the harder they’ll try. His appeal will diminish once she feels you’re not against them being together, but only their behavior as child parents that needs to be corrected. Trust me on this
She’s not properly caring for the child needs to be reported that you are willing to because that baby needs to come first
Sounds like mom doesn’t wanna take responsibility for bad parenting with the child. I see you like to blame everybody else.
From a teen mom myself (I was 15) I had a lot of the same problems. I was extremely disrespectful to my parents, drank when I went out, stopped doing my schoolwork etc. I was acting out a lot and it was a combination of being treated like a child (which obviously I still needed to be) but raising a child. My parents called and got me a truant officer, I was still not doing my work and skipping school which ultimately lead me being sent to a juvenile detention and honestly that was the best thing for me. Once I got back home after being there for a few months I got my whole act together, I graduated on time with my class and with my 2yr old daughter on my hip. I’m now 31, married, have 4 beautiful kids and a nursing degree and thankful for all the tough love my parents gave me.
Feel free to message me if you need anything, maybe speaking with another teen mom who got it together would help her and you. Good luck!
This one is easy my house my rules dont follow get out grandbaby stays you have to follow rules where ever you go in life starting at home be firm but kind her life is no longer her own its all about another
She made a baby like a grown up send her on her way to do it on her own
Quit blaming the kid and take some responsibility where you messed her up. It always comes back to how the kids were parented. Instead of punishing her you should be helping more. She got pregnant under your guardianship right? You can just decide one day you want her to listen to you know you can’t decide your going to be a strick parent now. She’s going to end up hating you I can promise you that. Try getting some family therapy it sounds like you need it.
Some of these answers are so hard hearted… She is still a daughter to the parents. To say “kick her out” won’t solve anything and will only sever their relationship. Take the baby away from her??? What kind of an answer is that? My mom controlled my every move… I had no life at all, t hat was my punishment for the mistake I made at 15. Be kind most of all.
Tough love at this point. She wants to do what she thinks is right then ask her to move out at this point since she had a child and apparently knows everything… But if for whatever reason she does reach out to you after, listen.
Ask her what her goals are! She needs to talk to someone who is in her shoes and see she can make a better life for her and her child if she puts the work in! Tough love! I would make her go back to school to be around other kids her age who have goals in life!
From your post it sounds like you’ve blamed everyone in this situation but yourself. She is YOUR child and a reflection of YOUR parenting. YOU should have had an open line of communication with your kid so that she was on birth control if and when she became sexually active. Good luck mama.
Your still her Mother. Stand firm. Say some prayers. Try a counselor for support. Id Take all social Media away for a week until she gets her school work back on track. Your roof. Your rules. Create a schedule for her. Actually right it down on paper. Good luck and love n light. Hope things get better.
Create incentives… if she gets back on track with schooling let her have her Apps back. You can disable them on her phone or take the phone away your call.
I’d be changing the wifi password and her tablet password if I could figure it out🤣 I’d be talking to his parents as well as her AND him. Letting them all know the rules. If she is still in your home; she needs to abide by the rules or she can go. It is my number one duty to protect my child. My parents tried to do the same to me (granted didnt get pregnant young) and I hated them for it. As i got older i realized how much it came from love and protection. I deeply regret the way I handled it as a teen. But you are mom; let them hear you roar
I suggest taking her to a womens shelter and a rehab facility to take a look around of what her path looks like at the end. This is basically exactly my moms story as a teen and how I grew up. I saw what the end of the road looked like and I wasn’t about that life. I turned my self around real quick.
All the moms bashing her, you don’t have teenagers, at most you have middle schoolers. God Speed to you perfect moms. Mothering is hard enough without all you Karen’s telling her she didn’t do enough.
Even though she’s under age … now that she has a child she’s emancipated… meaning that you can’t hold control over her… but since it’s your home… do what you gotta do… I would kick her out to live with the trash boyfriend of hers… she wants to be a loser then let her… take her to court to get custody of the baby… you can’t be sweet… put your foot down firm on the ground and don’t let these teenagers run you…
Once she had that baby she is adult change your internet password she don’t pay for it change it
Maybe she can take some glasses and get her ged? Also, at our highschool (I know they’re all different but it wouldn’t hurt to check), we have a daycare for the teen parents to take their child while they’re in school. Maybe get her out and around peers her age.
Change the Wi-Fi password, and don’t give it to her if she
Has a cell phone Change the line with the cell phone Carrier to a child line That way you have full control of her cell phone and choose if she gets access to Internet through her phone. Put her back in in person School Set very clear boundaries and consequences When it comes to school and taking care of her child. Tell her she will go to school. Do her work bring her grades up and will not skip school or get bad grades or get in trouble, or all she will do is school and come home. She also needs a job to support her baby so she needs to look for one. All her money is to be given to you for baby expenses. As soon as she comes home from school and or work she is to take care of baby on her own. She wants to play hard you have to show her what real life is. Don’t ease up until she Graduate high school. The problem is she has too Much free time on her hands And for the love of Jesus don’t trust anyone else’s parents with your daughter or grandchild… I would also let your daughter know that if she does not step up and take care of her child that you will getting full custody Since she is not ready to be a parent. I would even go so far as to get progress reports regularly from teachers at school And if she gets a job I would ask her to get a copy of her work schedule that way you know what is going on and and where she should be
Why is it all his fault? She chose to sleep, drink, smoke, disrespect and go down the wrong road. Sure he’s been a terrible influence but she is in a bad place mentally. Tell her to go play house at his place. Or is there a grandparent willing to enforce tough love and guidance?
Should’ve showed her consequences for her actions long ago and maybe you wouldn’t be in this situation. You can’t start parenting just because you don’t her along with her boyfriend. To play the I let her go to her boyfriends and they had sex stick doesn’t work either because if they were doing it at his parents house they were doing it at yours. Your daughter isn’t acting this way because of her boyfriend, it’s because you’ve allowed her to be a spoiled brat. Good luck Changing that now, you are just going to push her away further.
This is the first post I’ve ever commented on. I read a lot of them but I think I need to say something here… she is 16 with a baby. So she probably got pregnant at 14 or 15 meaning giving birth at 14 or 15 since you said the baby is now 1 & shes 16 now. She has been through a lot at a very young age. Why are you trying to rip her boyfriend away from her? So she can be a completely single teenage mother with a mom who sounds like isn’t very understanding or want to help at all? She probably sees it that way. She probably feels like she’s on the brink of being left completely alone. She’s already basically an adult caring for a child. Get her her GED. Enroll her cosmetology school or something she can make a career of to support her baby & herself just in case things don’t work out with her boyfriend. Make sure you find out what SHES interested in & enroll her in that. Not something YOU choose because you think you know what’s best for a teenage mother that’s probably stripped from the inside out emotionally for so many reasons than any normal teenager who’s just going through puberty & all that other mess. Your daughter is a woman now honestly. Put her in some mother support groups where she can bring her baby & socialize. She needs to socialize she is 16. While I say she’s a woman she’s also a baby still… this is so delicate but she needs her mommy. No matter what she needs her MOMMY! Not an overbearing “you fucked up you live with it & figure it out” type mother. You gotta love your baby through this & she will turn out 100000000x better than if you continue trying the way that you currently are that is obviously not working.
Your house, your rules.
As long as she is a minor and is under your roof you can take anything away it does not matter who bought it. The father can contact you if he wants to see the kid. Also not sure how your state is but u must be 18 to drop out or u get truancy which can lead to detention and maybe thats what she needs. Also maybe think about taking guardianship of the child. But if she can’t follow your rules and she can get out and leave the baby with you.
She has a child leave her alone let her act grown she will see one day
There’s nothing wrong with dropping out of high school. I wish I had to be honest. That way of education is dying. You can be successful without it, on your own terms.
Not your fault at all Momma. She’ll realize these things one day and be very grateful you’re always there for her and her child. God bless you.
She’s what 15 now? You need to put your foot down and tell her, she has a child now and her preteen ways need to go out the door. Truancy will come knocking on your door and arrest you for her skipping those classes. How are either one of them carrying for this child? Are either one even working? Tough love sounds like it needs to happen and asap!
Maybe it times for her to get her own places. Live in my house you follow my rules or get your own.
If she isn’t properly taking care of the baby file for temporary guardianship? If that doesn’t kick her butt into gear then she is already down that road and you did what’s best for your grandchild.
Probably won’t agree with this but, let her do what she’s gonna do, you keep pushing she’ll just keep pushing back. But if you sit back and let her fall, she’s gonna need you to help her back up. There comes growth and maturity and her finally seeing things from a mature perspective.
The tighter you hold on, the more she’s gonna fight you. I think you need to realize you have no power over her. You lost this battle when she was younger and there is no winning it at this point. You need to change your strategy or you’ll lose her and your grandbaby in the future.
Like someone mentioned above. Set the rules and then one day take her to a shelter. Have them give her the information and process. How long intake can take at times etc.
And then tell her if she can’t abide by your rules she needs to go.
Explicitly make it known you love her and want her safe. But her safety and her child’s safety is compromised with her choices she is currently making. (More so not really attending to child and care needs).
Then troubleshoot with her and what she can manage right now. Does she need time from school? If so what does she want to do for part time work? What is the line for her child’s father involvement.
What does safety look like to her in general?
Grand parents parenting is on the rise over the last few years. You can get support if your daughter is unable to do it. But I would hate for that to happen.
You care. So you are a great mother. But now is the time to make the boundaries clear otherwise she’s not going to learn to show up for her kid.
All the best
You are her parent. You have 100% right to take whatever you want from her (aside from her child)! You set the boundaries and rules not them! Read some books on parenting teens. You maybe even be able to find one on ‘parenting a teen parent’. There are a lot of resources out there.
You already did the right thing letting her have & keep her baby. Look at the little baby she has & remember when your little girl was a baby & think about how scared she must be. You have to know she is. Probably scared of everything to be honest. You should also tell her cool things to think about like how she’s such a young mom that when her baby grows up she’ll still be SUPER YOUNG & have an awesome child of her own that she’s raised & be able to have an awesome life of her own too being able to see her grand babies & maybe great grand babies some day. Tell her if things don’t work out with her boyfriend not to worry because she’s young & beautiful enough to find someone else a million times better in the future & there’s absolutely no doubt about that. Tell her you love her & you’re here & you’re gonna do whatever she needs you to do because you love her. Take pictures of her & the baby. Spend days going out with just her & the baby. Maybe change the babies diaper some mornings & feed the baby breakfast to let her sleep in a little bit. Give her a little bit of money here & there to go get her nails done. Teach her how to drive since she’s only 16!!! there’s so much you can do to turn this around & not lose your beautiful baby girl. You can do this. You both can do this. Let her know you’re her support & she’s got you even if she has nobody else. Things will get so much better so fast. She sounds like a good kid honestly if she’s only just now starting to undermine you… you can save her without making her feel like she’s a victim or like she needs to fight to prove she’s not. There’s no reversing this situation, just make the best of it & enjoy your beautiful grand baby with your daughter.
Change the Wi-Fi password. If you don’t feel comfortable taking the tablet you pay for the internet so change it. And put it in her computer for school but don’t give it to her
U the parent. She’s still underage. U can also charge her so call boyfriend 4 statuary rape. Irespective of her being the mother of her baby she can’t do the wrong n be da bullly. Get a restraining order against the boyfriend 4 influenceing ur daughter. U have the upper hand n hopefully ur husband supports u in making the right choice
She 16? Idk I’d spank her ass
Time to grow up…
You got a baby? Your doing adult things (I.e. having sex, talking to you like a disrespectful adult, going out with boyfriend ) ? Then time to start making adult decisions
She needs a job
Pay for her own way
You can’t force someone to graduate or do what you want them too
So time to let her do for herself. Support her only with what she desperately needs . NO MONEY!
need diapers , get diapers
Need formula , get formula
She wants money? That’s what a job is for
If you continue to let her walk all over you then you’ll remain her doormat.
She’s 15 you can’t just drop her off at a shelter.
Honestly, I’d say you need to not be super strict with her, try to let her do school and all of that on her own, but ask her occasionally if she needs help, especially when baby is crying and she’s trying to do school. She’s still figuring out how to do all of this and it’s hard for her. Just try to support her & put the dad on child support as well
She can return the electronics to the purchaser if she doesn’t abide by the rules under your roof. Stay consistent mom. Look into state paid daycare or see if there is a brick & mortar school with a day care. Remind her, she now lives for that child, no longer for herself.
Nothing seems to be be working so try something different. Sounds like she needs tough love.
She says you can’t take the iPad or whatever because you didn’t buy it? You can shut the internet off, you do pay for that. No Facebook, TikTok etc under your roof. Does she have a phone? I would take that away or shut it off. Those are all privileges & she wouldn’t have any of it with out you. She doesn’t want to go to school? She doesn’t want to take care of her kid? Then she doesn’t live under your roof. Like the person said above, she needs to hit rock bottom. I was this teenager, but with out a child. I had to learn hard lessons on my own. She wants to throw her life away? Then show her how hard the real world is really going to be with no schooling, no job, no support system etc. I would take custody of your grandchild if you haven’t already & tell her if she doesn’t shape up then she won’t live under your roof. Send her to a residential program, or a shelter. I guarantee she will realize how good she had it made at home. You have to let her go & let her figure this out on her own or she will never grow up. Especially now that she has a child, she made the decision to grow up a lot faster than she should have & she needs to step up and take care of that child. If she didn’t have you guys to step up & parent that child too then where would that sweet baby be?? She needs to realize that not even child has a support system or parents who will keep loving them no matter what.
Wow, the answers this lady I’d getting! My daughter had a baby as a young teenager. Kids make mistakes and then they pay the consequences, the same as adults. She needs mom’s support, we cared for our grandchild,so our daughter could finish school and graduate with her peers. These are teaching moments, our daughter couldn’t even change a diaper, make a bottle or do laundry, yet. These are things we helped her with. I will say we had rules, she had to do her homework, she had to take care of her baby when she was home, she had to do her and baby’s laundry, she had to learn to feed her. She also had a part time job to pay for baby’s needs. She graduated with honors and went to college.
She is successful and her daughter is beautiful.
My point I guess, is support her, teach her responsibility and she will be to busy to be on the internet all the time.
She also needs to be educated on health risks of unprotected sex, vaping, etc. Leave that to her Dr, otherwise she will brush off your concerns. I would also think about birth control, or you may have two babies to care for. Support her, get her the help she needs, perhaps family cancelling.
You’re treating her like a child, but the thing is she has a child now so it’s never gonna work. I was the 16 year old mother, dropped out, did the online schooling and still graduated with my class, with my daughter on my hip. I did that, not my parents. Start treating her like an equal instead of a child that you can ground. She might just go live with her pot head boyfriend like I did just to spite you.
It’s time for her to grow up. That’s what happens when you decide to bring a child in this world. She has two choices: follow the rules of the house she lives in or get emancipated and move out.
I think you need an attitude adjustment as well. Your complaint about his parents not being good parents because she around and got pregnant doesn’t hold water, otherwise you must be a bad parent because she is sneaking around and skipping school. Your daughter’s choices are not their fault.
Shut off her WiFi except during school time on her school device and take her devices. If he has a fit about the tablet give it back to him and tell him it is not allowed in your house. If she wants internet she can get a job and pay for it.
That is the thing… You are responsible for her and a truancy charge will follow if this keeps up… What I would do is put her in a juvenile facility, give the baby to the baby daddy and let him deal with it. These kids conceived this baby and it is not your responsibility to raise it. Girl, You have to cover your ass and if she doesn’t want to be a productive part of society or at the very least under your roof, remove the roof. I know it sounds harsh but sometimes a little tough love goes a long way. Is it hard to do? You Bet cha, but by putting her in a facility and letting Baby daddy handle it all maybe she will straighten her shit up. If not then she can get a job and get herself emancipated so you don’t have to suffer the consequences of her [email protected]#kery…
Sounds like it’s time you kick her ass out and let her do it on her own since she doesn’t want to listen
- Change the WI FI password. Take whatever electronics you did buy. All. Of. Them. Cancel her phone.
If she won’t do as required under your roof, she needs to leave. Yes, that’s harsh. But she has a choice… Graduate and be a parent or leave.
Problem is, you have to stick to it.
I think what everybody is failing to see is. . She might be 16, but she’s not a minor according to the law she became an adult the moment she became pregnant and had the baby.
Before ppl start talking shit about what I’m saying, I was a 16yr old mother myself. Literally went through the same thing. And nothing my parents did phased me, it made me lash out more. My change happened when I was kicked out, I was on my own and had to handle everything for myself and my child like an adult because that’s the mess I put myself in. I joined the army and handled my business. I’m 29 now my son turns 13 in a few days and I’m 6mths away from graduating with an associates degree in sonography. I haven’t spoken to my family in years tho, nor do I want to honestly.
Im not saying ur daughter will do exactly what I did, everybody is different But what I’m saying is sometimes you have to let your baby fly or fall on their own.
Stop expecting your child to act like an adult. When kids have kids this is what happens. Tell her ass to get a job and make her pay bills. U created this monster.
Ur a lil late trying to do all this. Shoulda done this before she got prego. Now she has her own kid. And in a couple years. U cant do tht too her. Bc she gonna be trying to raise her own toddler. While u are trying to ground her. Which is gonna cause a whole house of confusion
You may not have paid for the tablet, but you DO pay for:
-the electricity that powers it
-the internet that runs the apps.
Change the password on the wifi to where you have to plug it in every day for her on any electronic (tedious, I know, but she is not behaving responsibly and something’s gotta give)
-you collect her chargers until she has done her chores and her schoolwork every day.
-she HAS TO do her homework in a room where you guys can monitor her AND she is not allowed a headset so you guys can hear if she is, indeed, doing her schoolwork.
-also, she has to tend to her child regardless of she is doing her chores, doing her homework (okay, this one, maybe help her a bit, but what is she gonna do when/if she pursues higher learning in one form or another to pay the bills? She does need to learn how to multitask) or doing recreational activities.
The marijuana, go through all of her stuff at least once a day until she can prove otherwise: even in states where it is legal, generally speaking, you have to be either 18 or 21 to imbibe anyways and just blame the lawmakers.
Same thing with the vaping. She becomes legally old enough to do them, then it is out of your hands. But as long as she is a minor- mother or not- she needs to at minimum follow the letter of the law where you live because of she does not and the authorities find out AND feel that you are not doing enough to monitor her ESPECIALLY with her having a child while being a minor herself, her AND her child could be taken away, separated not just from y’all, but from each other and put into foster care.
As for the boyfriend, that is a bit more tricky as they DO HAVE a child together and to deny him access altogether could end up causing something called parental alienation (hey, in the courts, even a half-assed dad is considered better than a complete deadbeat dad and can still have him retain some rights including visitations with his child) and can cause him to eventually seek out legal council- and he just might win if he has enough evidence of parental alienation- for you to restrict his access altogether.
HOWEVER, you can insist that they meet in in a mutual location that you guys can supervise in, they have to stay in the public areas of the home and things like that.
As for the undermining, look. At the end of the day, THEY are the parents of that child, so unless they are breaking the LEGAL laws around abuse and neglect where you all live, then they have end say with THEIR child, regardless if you all approve or not.
THEIR child, THEIR end say.
No, undermining should not be happening, but neither should you be making decisions for that child that are in all actuality THEIRS to make (again, barring legal definitions of abuse or neglect) as the child’s parents.
You can give advice.
You can strongly recommend.
You can advocate.
You CANNOT just take over THEIR responsibility as the child’s parents.
Let them parent their kid.
I get that they are teenagers.
But let them parent their kid.
And set some boundaries with yours.
Sounds like TOUGH love needs to come into play. I know it’s a hard thing to do when it’s your baby. But sometimes they gotta learn on their own. Good luck mama
Time for a family meeting . You, her & him. Ask them what their plans are. Job prospects. Living arrangements. Etc. If she’s living in your house… it’s YOUR rules. Does she want to live Inside your home ?? If she chooses to leave it will be without the child !!
I mean at this point, she has a baby and isn’t doing her school work. This should have been taken care of long ago. As far as taking something that he paid for, I’m not sure about that because it’s not yours. Kids have sued their parents over taking phones they didn’t pay for and parents are charged with theft. I’d let her keep the tablet since he paid for it. However, you pay for the wifi so it sounds like it’s time to change the wifi password.
I promise you that the boyfriend can’t afford to have her move in with him full time nor wants to so stop being nice! Her job in return for a roof over her child’s head is school and drug free! If she threatens to leave with the baby then tell her you have more resources than her and will hire an attorney TODAY have dss place the baby with you if she even tries it! Doesn’t matter if you really would or not…she doesn’t know! She’s 16…outsmart her! I was hell on wheels and my bf parents at that age contributed to losing my virginity at 14, smoking, weed, drinking and all kinds of shit…only reason I didn’t get pregnant was because my mom forced me on depo shot and kept up my appointment same day every 3 months. But in the end…me and him broke up at 16. I went on to graduate and everything was OK…until I met my boyfriend at 19/20 and he got me strung out on drugs and ruined my life 7 years! But even then my raising and God helped me survive it and I’m now 29 and successful and few years clean. You got this! Prayers…
Change your WiFi password and tell her have at that tablet. 🤷
1st of all she is 16. He is on drugs. School 1st and as a child YOUR THE PARENT. What you and your husband say, goes. Not the bf. If he wants to see child, he must follow your rules same as your child. Rule one being CLEAN. TEST them both. If they are not you get emergency custody and maybe rehab if need be for both. You don’t play their game and their rules. They are kids themselves. Let them turn you into ss. See how that works out for them both.
Although the bf may be influencing her, she is ultimately responsible for her own decisions. The bf would not be welcomed in my home if he is being disrespectful. As others stated, change the Internet password. If she needs it for online school, you can do a one time sign on with password then it’s no longer needed. As a parent, you have the right to take anything you wish from her regardless of who gave it to her. Do you think I’m not going to take my kids PlayStation Gma bought from them when they are acting badly? Any day I wish! Stop the excuses for her and for yourself. Take control back! Sit with her everyday for online school if you have to, reward her with her phone or tablet for attending classes all week or start daily. Somewhere to get control back
I’m sorry to tell you this but you’re going to have to have some tough love with this one and let her learn what the consequences are of not doing her school work smoking weed and acting like a child when she is a parent now she needs to grow up. I had my first child when I was 18, the father of my child and my now husband didn’t want to be a parent at the time we literally almost broke up because he didn’t want to stop being a child and didn’t want to grow up and take on responsibility, he soon realized that he did want to take on responsibility he just didn’t want to let go of his freedom. I had already dropped out of school before getting pregnant because I had struggled with a stress disorder most of the time I was in school and I fell very behind and couldn’t catch up. My parents were unsupportive and told me to drop out and get my GED. I had to watch my friends graduate without me although I did support them and go to their graduation it really hurt me to watch them accomplish their goals and I was not by their side. I still haven’t gotten my GED I tried but because I was breastfeeding my one year old and my husband had to be at work I had to miss about almost 2 hours of school. Trying to take care of a toddler while doing online seemed almost impossible. I wanted to homeschool my daughter and I recently just ran into an issue with my daughter’s first school when she was being bullied and the administration wasn’t taking care of it and I really wished that I finished school or got my GED already because I’m legally not allowed to homeschool my child once she turned 6. All of these bad decisions I made made me rethink what I’m doing and grow up and do the right thing. With my first child I was smoking while breastfeeding, I live in a legal state so technically it was legal I just had to put it up locked and away and not smoke around her. But recently 3 years ago I saw my sister’s son was taken away when she was smoking in the house, she didn’t have it locked and put away but still I saw what can happen if you are using marijuana around children. With my second child I’ve decided not to smoke at all and I feel a whole lot better about it and less stressed. I was a teen Mom and I went through almost every imaginable struggle but it taught me what not to do and what I should be doing so I can be a better mom to my kids. Let your daughter live and learn just be there to teach her and support her. Giving her consequences and taking away things is just going to make her more sneaky and more rebellious just be her teacher be her guide and educate her on the possible consequences that could happen with all of the irresponsible things she’s doing. Don’t enable her and just be there for support. She will eventually learn from her mistakes and that’s what we need to do with our children is let them learn from their mistakes.
Tell her to shape up or ship out
Regardless if she’s only 16 she’s a parent now and you should treat her as such! She’s not a baby and you expect her to be responsible as a mother but you still want to control her like a child??? Just encourage her to want better, ask her what she wants to do with her life and help her get there! I dropped out of school when I was 15 and had my daughter when I was 27 and I’m doing pretty decent in life! Three days there are plenty ways to make a good life without extensive schooling. I’m not trying to judge your situation just think that if maybe you talked to her about what she wants then she will start to come around. Smoking weed and vaping sucks but that’s sort of a pick your battles thing! What’s most important is helping her figure out what she wants or of life and what she wants to do to provide a good life for her child
Take it, I don’t care who got it for her. As long as she’s in your house then she needs to follow your rules or she can leave. She will learn it the hard way when she has to care for the baby financially and with no help. I’d change the pw to the wifi and don’t be afraid to be firm with her.
I have no suggestions but I hope that gets better. One of my worst fears😕
Where there’s a will there’s a way regardless. The harder you make her life the more she will rebel. You might consider talking to her and seeing where her mind is and maybe if you and your husband take legal custody of her baby… will she go back to school? Just an idea.
Family therapy, first and foremost. Individual therapy for her and therapy for you and your husband.
I’m curious if he’s paying any child support. He must’ve had money to pay for the tablet. And vaping and weed aren’t cheap, either. Have your daughter speak with a physician about the risks to her child resulting from exposure to vaping and weed. Most people mistakenly believe that weed and vaping are safer than alcohol and cigarettes (or even harmless). Nothing is further from the truth. Vaping is more addictive than cigarettes. Weed changes how the brain develops. This affects both your daughter and her child. The human brain doesn’t finish developing until about age 25. And the weed smoked today s 2-3 times stronger than the stuff smoked during the ‘70s.
Underneath all this is likely a lot of pain that she’s numbing with weed and alcohol. I’d also try speaking with his parents about their concerns for their son and grandchild. They might be helpful allies. If the four of you can be on the same page it could really help both kids.
As for the tablet, it is a gift, BUT she needs the internet to communicate with it, yes? And I’m guessing you pay for that. Change your internet password so that you have to log her in. Make her do schoolwork in a common area of the house. She needs to earn your trust back.
I hate to say this, but document everything for the therapist and in case you need to file for temporary custody of your grandchild. If your daughter is an addict - and one can be addicted to pot - she might be an unfit parent. She might also try to leave with her child. For your grandchild’s sake, you might need to intervene.
Lastly, you might find some help and support through Al-Anon. It’s a group for friends and families of alcoholics and other addicts. These days there are virtual meetings at all hours of the day and night. With Zoom, people join meetings from all over the world whenever it’s convenient for them or whenever they need them.
Your not wrong for taking her things she is a child and a child having a child does not make her an adult under your roof.
But you have to stop blaming everyone else and make her accountable
They both had sex not just him
His parents probably didn’t know either
They both smoked weed not just him
She is still responsible for her actions you can’t blame everyone else.
Sounds like ppd. Take her to therapy. Get her enrolled and break the cycle. Also get her some antidepressants.
Don’t give up and yes you can take that tablet even if you didn’t buy it take it and get rid of it she isn’t allowed to take gifts or have things you don’t want her to have. Give it to the parents and say tell your son not to give my daughter electronics. Make that boy go to court to get visitation with his kid and pay child support. Get custody of your grandchild. Do Not Get her her drivers license or any other privilege. Until she acts right. Change the WiFi password and don’t give it to her. She will come around but until then she’s a kid and your the boss.
P.S. If she’s 16 and doesn’t want to school anymore why not allow her to get her GED?
My best advise don’t take no for an answer you are the law you set the rules not her or her bf you tell them how it is and let the bf know if he doesn’t follow those set rules then he will not be welcome in your home. Don’t let them control you and walk all over you. If you stand your ground one day she will understand and see that you were right. It will take many year but it will happen. Good luck