My boys are TERRIBLE for doing things the first time you ask. It’s driving my husband (their step dad) BONKERS. Probably one of the biggest things to start a fight with us honestly. I will say go get into the shower please and kid will say ok but then pick up a toy and look at the TV or walk over and pet the cat and say “I just gotta pet him first cause he’s so cute”. My 11 year old is ADHD and he’s a big space cadet. He’s medicated for it and most other things (besides being unreasonably loud and always making some sort of weird annoying sound) is very well behaved. He is not defiant at all. He’s not destructive or mean or anything. He’s just… ugh… so hard to get him to do something! Like I have to ask 5, 6, 7 times and finally yell “GET IN THE SHOWER NOW! NO MORE CAT! NO MORE TV! STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR BROTHER FOR THE LOVE OF MAN AND GET IN THE BLOODY SHOWER” and THEN he goes uh oh OK and goes to the bathroom. He does this with EVERYTHING. Sitting down to eat, going outside to play, putting stuff away, anything. His 8 year old brother is way better than him but not great. Not near as bad but still pushes it often until I raise my voice. The problem is that he has diagnosed anxiety and so often if I finally lose my cool, he shuts down and starts crying. And if my husband loses his cool (which is often cause he’s not a super experienced dad), the 11 year old gets some major attitude (which makes my husband more mad) and my 8 year old just starts crying. SO I need some suggestions on how to manage this behavior that is mostly universal for both kids. I understand tailoring punishments to each unique child but what can I do that is similar to each to try and establish a better “House Rule” regarding listening? It’s tough cause again, they are BRILLIANT (high achieving, above grade level learners), kind, and generally very very well behaved children. They’ve never broken anything or even drawn on the walls or hit someone out of anger. Like they’re honestly so good so I feel like a MONSTER when I give them punishments for being “spacey” but also like this is real life stuff that they need to work on. I have so much mom guilt and when my husband raises his voice and the kids push back or cry it just tears me apart. Also yes, he is working hard on his temper and so am I. We’re both in therapy and making progress. We’ve come a long ways and know that we don’t need to yell but we always seem to resort to it after the 17th time of asking for something and getting nowhere.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What are some proper punishments for my kids? - Mamas Uncut
That’s a kid I think if he can’t deal find a new man ……
Start watching Super nanny…she seriously has some great ideas and tips.
Rather then say right now - say in 5 minutes please do this that way they have time to get distracted.
I found we never expect it to be done right now, and 5 minutes is great.
First of all why are you letting your boyfriend or stepdad correct him and getting mad at him ? All kids act that way. No kid just jumps up and do what you ask right off ! Your going to end up with your kids rebellion and hating their stepdad.
Your husband needs to chill the F out ! You need to Tell him to take it easy or your kids are going to resent you and him!
My daughter is only 3, but our rule is “if you can’t listen with it, then you can’t have it” not sure how it would work with orders boys though. Good luck!
I wouldnt punish them for that.id set a timer on my pgone in the future.give the kids a heads up “when the timer goes off in 5 min.its time for a shower ect.”
Stepdad needs some stepdad coaching and should not be yelling at the kids. It might be helpful to take some parenting classes for both of you.
I go thru the same with my 11yr old son…except with mine besides telling him ten times to do a simple task like get in the shower he’s completely disrespectful towards me and says things back like ugh ur such a jerk or I don’t have to and stomps his feet and screams bloody murder at me…it’s a constant battle with him I’ve taken things away not allowed fun activities and nothing helps
If I have to ask you twice than that’s one too many times. My 5 year old can be that way too, if I let him. Most of the time I don’t make threats and don’t follow up. I don’t care if he kicks and screams and all that stuff I turn everything off and give an option of doing what I ask and having some more free time before bed or doing what I ask and going straight to bed. Either way I win.
This is worth a read!!
This is how kids are. He needs to chill.
Find what helps them focus and incorporate it into their lives with fun days to themselves, “yes days” with limits, or reward charts. Some days will be better than most and that’s fine. Speak with their doctors on other ideas as to what may help. While they may have a problem listening, they both have their own issues they are dealing with and your husband needs to learn more patience. It will get worse as they get older (the attitude) and he needs to learn to cope with it or it is going to continuously put strain on your family/household/marriage.
Just an observation from my kids. They used to always say “just a minute” any time I asked them to do something.
I then realised that I always said the same when they asked me the same. Once I started doing things straight away for them they started to do the same.
This exact question was asked a couple weeks ago. Word for word. Im calling troll.
Give them a little control. Let them finish whatever they are doing, say in 5 minutes or say in ten minutes, then remind him he only has 5 minutes left. It has worked well for my kids. No body likes to stop in the middle of what they are doing and do something right now ya know.
Make chore charts, and don’t punish them, give them proper consequences
It’s sadly his ADHD. I have it and have suffered from it since a small child when I was diagnosed.
Simple solution. Be in the bathroom or near the door and say" come here. K into the shower."it takes everything else away and his focus is just on that. May f around in the bathroom before hand but he’s in there.
No punishment for this. Gotta understand his brain though. And it’s verry hard. I’m 34 and it’s still a. K GO DO WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO AND NOT 1000PP ON THE WAY!!!
Mines the same age. I think every mom complains of repeating herself then LOOSING HER SHIT on the kid. Its what it is
Yep I think that’s most boys but especially if they have like adHD or Autism or any of the above and becomes even harder honestly I started using a timer and that way it’s not me telling them that their time is up it’s the timer I mean I do change around things a lot but the timer really does help because the kids really like to feel like they’re in control of stuff and have choices so my other thing is that I give them a choice do you want two minutes to play with the cat or 3 minutes and then take your bath then I set the timer I hope it works for you
Read the book have a new kid by Friday by Kevin Leman
My boys and myself have ADHD and they still do this and they are teens should try ask what they prefer mine like to read rules walking around the house, work for an hour for their gaming just to do anything
Take them by the hand and get him in there and stand in the room if you have to do this with everything until he gets it
My kids have ADD and when they were young I literally felt like a drill Sargent. I didn’t scream at them but I would either clap my hands or blow a whistle to get their attention and very sternly “Hup hup… Focus and get on with it!” Even as adults I find myself clapping at them to get their attention and with my Grandkids. It works for me to break their attention and focus on me, without always having to get harsh.
Uh learn how to stop asking and tell them. Take the toy away the first time.
Get his attention on you before you tell him to do something. My 11 yr old has ADD and I have to get him to look at me, tell me he’s paying attention, make sure there’s no outside stimuli that could distract him, and then tell him the steps of what I want him to do, and then repeat them back to me. Often I still have to repeat myself, but usually only once because he probably forgot some of the steps and asks. I would try this with both of your sons and see if it works as far as getting things done that they’re told to. My husband believes in punishing for not getting something done right the first time he says it, and I’m not going to correct him for his choice in parenting, but I’m just going to continue to do things my way as well because I believe it helps them more than just yelling at them.
We set timers. We have 7 kiddos and are a blended family from ages almost 16-4 and they all do it. So we are trying an it mostly works. You have 5 mins to come to the table for dinner after that I’m done serving and set timer, I need you to take out the trash clean bathroom gather dirty laundry clean your room you have x amount of time and I need this done set timer. If you can’t start this within the timer we will have consequences and give example. No movie at bed time, no tablet time, no phone for the night ect. Less yelling & the kids feel like they have more control when really it’s just a boundary. It’ll take a few days but be consistent and remind them I have x amount of time and you knew the consequence for not doing xyz. 
Please don’t punish your son for something he can’t control , adhd is difficult to live with trust me I’m still struggling at 38 .
I’d suggest learning about adhd and ways to cope , and not listening to advice from people with no adhd experience.
Start telling them 10-15 mins before they need to do something to give them time. Tell them you have 10 mins until shower/chore. Then you have 5 mins. Then 2 mins. Then it’s time. Explain to them what’s going on. “I need you to do this now so we can do this next” or whatever. That’s what we do w my 6 year old.
Omg these sound like my children tho my 7 year old I think has the ADHD and possible anxiety and loses it when I ask him to do anything homework shower chores and it’s so hard I have yet to find what works he is also very very smart and always well behaved outside of my house so is my 11 year old and they do get things taken away for being bad but they still are defiant especially the 7 year old. And my 7 year old constantly exaggerates things like I never get to play with my little brother or have my friend over yet these are things he gets to do all the time but when I say he needs to give his brother space or his friend can’t come over he loses it and says he never gets to do this or that. It’s a struggle, I hope you, who ever you are, get thru it cuz I know the feels behind this:heart:
You have to stop what you are doing and walk over and say NOW! Remove what ever the distractions are, set up a time out a lone corner every time you have to do it. You have to retrain them. You could always use a chore as punishment; you didn’t take your bath when I told you too so sweep the kitchen, then take a bath.
Discipline is finding a solution for a problem
Punishment is making someone suffer for said problem.
Stop looking for Punishment and Discipline your child. That doesn’t mean spankings and time out. Get him into sports or boy scouts. After school program. They have magic the Gathering at school even these days. The structure and routine of new things and social exposure will help more with Discipline
Than Punishment
My youngest is ADHD. 19 years old now. We used a timer. We would tell him by the time this timer goes off you need to be doing this, taking a shower or taking care of toys. It was a big help for us. Cause it gave him the time he needed to refocus on what he needed to get ready to do. We also did different charts and graphs. He also had to deal with a speech delay and used American Sign Laungage for a long time with speech therapy. One chart was his schedule for the day. So he could see it and know what was coming next. We put pictures next to the words. Every morning he got up We would go over the chart. And if he did what we asked for his chores at the time without a lot of stressing or us having to repeat the asking to do something. Then he got to put a star on another chart and earn a special reward of his choice. We started out with asking to do something and repeating it 5 times or less to earn a star. Then gradually we lowered it to 4 then 3. It was a big help for us. Hang in there you got this. I know it can be so frustrating at times. My son will still do it from time to time.
It’s very hard for ADHD ppl to focus. Ppl need to have more compassion and less anger. The step parent may never really understand it fully and maybe not even the true parent. Research and doctors help along w prayer will help a lot. We have ADHD n our family u will need God’s love to get through 
’s for all of you 's.
Don’t punish the child for something beyond their control. Make a chart, but don’t put time limits on it. But reward if done everyday or every once a week by say 6 this many points, by 7 this many points or by 8 this many points. He will get excited with the more points he gets each week and won’t have to remember if it’s posted . The points can be stored or paid each week.
You change my life out of debt I don’t think I could tell people how much you mean to me. I will keep telling people about your good work in my life Veronika
@Redirecting...
Why are you punishing your kids for their disability?
Whisper your frustration. Trust me
I would consider a psychologist for the kids and kind behaviour therapist. Image reminders and accommodations will make life easier. Make their lives easier and it will make yours easier
How would I deal with them if they were my kids. I will hold his hands, let him look at me while I’m talking. I want you to be in the shower in 5 minutes. Let him understand that you are really serious. ( but don’t yell ) 5 minutes comes, he is not in the shower. I’ll go back to him, and tell him 5 minutes is up. I will count up to 10. If you are not in the shower by then, I will take your favorite toy and give it away to someone who cannot afford to buy them. As for their stepdad, he need to help in a loving way or step aside.
Trust me you are not alone with this situation alot of ppl I know are going through the same thing 
but good luck mum and never forget your not alone God bless
When he is going spacey get his towel hand it to him and walk him to the bathroom lol easiest way ive found. Mine is adhd and odd can be difficult but my issue is clean up time! Omg the mess they can make drives me nuts!
Sound like my son lol just be patient he just gets distracted and finds better things to do. Try telling him if he gets in the shower now he can watch some tv befor bed or something. I have add and always hated getting yelled at and a lot of the time I just couldn’t control what I was doing my mind would just wander off when I looked at something
You sound like me and most moms I know. The kid’s don’t listen until you yell.
Break it down to simpler tasks, go strip off for the shower, have your shower then dry yourself. Put your pyjamas on. When he hears it step by step his brain will focus more at the task at hand. If he still stops walk him to the bathroom and say have your shower then close him in the bathroom so he has his privacy. That way he can’t get distracted on his way to the bathroom
I feel like that’s pretty normal behavior.
Neither of my kids do things the first time I ask. 
I think that’s pretty standard kid behavior. Lol
Positive reinforcement! Positively reinforce desirable behaviour. Praise your child when he is behaving like you want him to. Model behaviour you want him to perform. Say things like “thank you for listening to me the first time”, or like “you did a great job doing this”. Please don’t expect children to do things they are asked of from the first time. They are not robots. They’re children exploring the world around them. Behaviour is communication.
Look into behavioural therapy and aba.
Just say NO when he starts saying " oh I am going to just do _______" flat out & firm NO.
Prayers! I don’t have advice but following. My daughter
A great platform that can make everybody smile, for my first time hear about making money online, I thought is fake by when I try it I realise that is real so I won’t keep silent I need everyone to smile like me veronika filina
@Redirecting...
TV is off in our house until kids are in bed. Also when I ask if they even linger I count to 3. They move very quickly then. Which is funny because honestly I don’t know what will happen if I got to three and they were still disobeying.
Sounds like you are punishing your kids for fear that your husband will cause an issue or get overly stressed. This is what kids do and I wouldn’t punish them for taking a minute to pet the cat before a shower. Your husband needs to get himself together and you need to stop walking on egg shells for him. He chose to be a stepdad so he has to parent. Simple as that.
the second time I gotta tell you something you lose anything you like until you do it. Phone, computer, video games, TV, your favorite pillow, nikes, whatever . You can go to school wearing your momma’s shoes, for all I care, you do what I say when I say or you lose it.
Have some empathy for your children who both struggle with different issues. Yes it can be frustrating but they cant help those issues…Yelling is not the solution…Maybe its worth going to a classes to learn about Adhd and Anxiety in children so you and your Husband can learn to use more appropriate communcation towards the children…Understand they have challenges and cant help their behaviour…Its up to you and your Husband to learn a better way to communicate you are both the Adults…
Just a lil FYI…pre teens 10-13 take cleanliness breaks. Like literally strike! But they ALL come around when they start noticing the opposite sex lol. All 6 of my kids did this
Tell them in 5 min im going to tell you to take a shower and then you will come immediately. If they want more time to transition they must ask for it. Then when times up I stare at them until they do it.
Kids with ADD need advance notice.
Do you like to be told to do something with no warning or concern for what you may want
No prolly not
kids arent mini adults and shouldn’t be expected to respond In a way that most adults can’t even manage
Giving them a 10 or 20 min warning that their showers or whatever is coming up teaches them that
- how to set boundaries
- that ppl wont do what they say when they say it just because they said it
Negotiation and follow through work for me.
I found lowering your voice, staying calm but saying something you would yell…face to face quietly and stern is freaky all at the same time. No more saying it again and again. Immediately remove the wait lemme do this…like turning off the TV and getting into his face and just staring at him with no words until he acts. Meaning you’re serious and not going to take wait as an answer. When they were smaller, I’d ask, if I got lip, I’d spank, then ask again in a lower tone being calm. They don’t jump when we yell. Dont stress yourself out, remain calm and on his tail until he breaks. He ain’t getting away with it like you’ve been letting him. Don’t let them get away with ignoring you. You got this.
If you don’t move now, no TV for 3 days…ect.
Gotta follow through is the most important part. If u dont…they walk all over you.
I’m in the exact same boat over here girl 
I would get up and get them started on whatever it was I wanted them to do. If it’s taking a shower I would walk them to their room to get their pajamas and underwear. I’d then go in the bathroom with them and watch them turn the shower on and then I’d tell them to bathe themselves. I would do this with anything that I tell them to do and they don’t immediately do it. When they complain about being treated like a baby, I’d say stop acting like one and I will stop treating you like one.
Do they have an ODD diagnosis? I did and had the same issues
They don’t need a punishment. Step dad needs to learn to better regulate his own emotions
Maybe unfortunately because they are not your husband’s children he doesn’t have any patience for the children , and it doesn’t sound like you hardly do . Try doing fun things together as a family build a relationship off the good not the bad , set ground rules , only ask once then there should be a consequence. Discuss the rules before hand make them part of them ,11 yrs is before puberty so good luck teens are always huffing puffing lots of trying to push boundaries .
On my 3rd kid with the hearing or listening challenge (no facts just something I made up). Worked with my girls and now working on my 3yr old.
Something along the lines of:
I know you hear me but are not listening. If choose to listen this will all be over soon, if you continue to only hear me it will get difficult for all of us.
Unfortunately nothing has changed for me I still have a hard time getting my almost now 15 year old to get in the shower more less anything else. It’s effected a lot of things in our life an big fights between me an my boyfriend.(ps he parents different than me I’d rather get to the bottom of my child’s issues but he’s rather yell an threaten a lot which my kid isn’t fond of so they get into fight less than two weeks ago they got into it cause nobody wanted to help around the house an my boyfriend raised his voice an my son came out his room an snapped. Now we are staying apart in different houses an he won’t forgive a child with adhd an odd which he’s getting help for! I pray you get some kinda help
First of all, no more yelling out of anger. From anyone. I agree with Robyn Scaless to start a countdown to whatever activity you want them to accomplish. And have a family discussion about how the current system (ask, tell, yell) isn’t really working for anyone and maybe having a countdown or asking the kids what they think would work for them. Maybe one kid really prefers a morning shower and the other an evening shower like my son and daughter.
Poor kids. Glad you are getting therapy
Yelling is pretty much the worst thing you can do to someone who has anxiety. I have severe anxiety and will complety shut down if I’m yelled at. My youngest, my son is 11 on the spectrum and has anxiety I do gentle parenting with him and get far better results than yelling at him. Treat your sons how you would want to be treated and talked to. How would you feel to get yelled at for the way your brain works? It’s not their fault. You two are the adults and parents and have to think of different ideas outside the box because clearly yelling isn’t working. I work at a school and kids come in every morning sad and can’t focus on their school work because their parents were fighting & yelling and then they in turn come to school all aggressive yelling at their classmates 
Not trying to be mean but what you’re doing now will have a huge impact on the rest of their lives. Positive rewards instead of harsh punishments work also. Good luck!
Your kid has ADHD and you refer to them as a space cadet and get mad at them for showing symptoms of ADHD? Have you thought of redirecting before just yelling at them? Maybe physically walking with them/holding their hand literally to take them where they need to go? They’re 11. They don’t need “real life experience” yet.
I have a friend who adopted two children from Russia years ago. One is great, but the other was badly beaten when he was a baby and a toddler. She is very easy going but experienced with dealing with handicapped children - I heard her several times telling them to do something - very softly. If they didn’t do it - she said in a soft - but very stern voice - “I told you to do _____ and I mean do it NOW”. And they did!!! My niece has three boys - rambunctous (sp??) boys - but same thing - she will tell them to do something once - and second time - quietly - tell them to do it NOW and they did. When my kids were growing up - I usually yelled at them - but they would do what they were supposed to do pretty soon.
Stop stressing, they are normal boys. I Have a 16 year old and he has always been like that. Its called selective hearing and every child has it. I have always had a structured routine when its school days and that’s ok, but weekends are another story. Having to tell them a number of times yes!! is frustrating but OH so normal. Every home with kids has the same problem. So try and remember that you might think you are alone in this but trust me your not
Sounds like literally every kid ever??
Also your husband sounds like an ahole. This is what kids do. They’re defiant and they test boundaries. If he gets that frustrated and angry that easily, I would question staying with him. Because he’s in for a rude awakening - kids are always like that and love to test limits and push buttons. Your kids will 100% end up resenting the hell out of him and grow to hate him as they age. I’ve seen it before!
Stop all of the negative reactions you’re having to your kid’s behavior. Start doing positive reinforcement. Change YOU and the way YOU act, and I promise your kid’s behavior will change, too.
Definitely stop yelling that only makes things worse maybe try walking them to what they gotta do
Seems like your husband should be educated about your sons diagnosis, there’s not much to do actually because most of the time they can’t help themselves, their brain works / function different, they are not behaving like that just because they want to.
You have to be very very patient and understanding, also consistent with your discipline choice of punishment.
But do not be so hard on them and yourself.
To be honest I’m more worried about your husband
You both need some sort of education on children and their diagnosed mental illnesses. You are the ones giving them lousy coping skills, why don’t you and inexperienced dad go talk to a councillor to get your own coping skills that’ll benefit everyone in the house?
Your husband doesn’t have patient with your children because he is not their father. Your children comes first.
Sounds like typical behaviors of CHILDREN. Js
You literally called your kid a mean name. You and your rude husband are the problem not the kids.
My old school advice…(how we raised our now 29 and 25 y/o) they were started on a schedule with a tight routine we very rarely veered from. We thankfully had his and her toy rooms in the basement, so bedrooms were for naps or sleeping, no tv, no game consoles. Structure, Structure, Structure with Follow through. It’s difficult not to yell, I get that, and wish I could say we didn’t, but we learned to send them to their room, door open, may read a book or rest, and we went outside to simmer down or to our room with our door open. Taking things away can be helpful, ours didn’t have cell phones or any tablets or electronics until they were 16 and got a phone, very basic phone. Hang in there, stand your ground and stay strong. Before you know it they grow up and move on.
Maybe have a set schedule everyday so they know to expect everything. Write it out and make it a habit/routine. Dinner, clean up, shower, then relax time. Something super basic.
Yep
Described my 2 & 4 yr old daughters.
You have to remember that they’re not mature adults. You can’t just say “hey go ____” and they’ll just go do it.
Try whispering instead lol
That’s what I try to do when I feel like yelling until I turn blue.
That is literally every kid in the world at some age in their life… no need you two fight. ,he needs to be pAtient and not get stressed
Wait, you allow your husband, who’s not the father to treat your kids like that? Shame on you!
Everytime you gotta ask take something away for a day. He’ll learn. Stick to it.
Close distance …,and help the little boys
I could have wrote this myself with my 8 year old and our issues with not listening and how his step dad reacts. Step dad gets mad because he sees how stressed I get by the not listening so he comes in all hot and heavy “ your mom said to do something is get up and do it “ it’s a HUGE struggle. Like I was just composing to my sister tonight how hard it’s been with the listening…
You should feel guilty. You’re being mean. They’re just children and with issues, they’ll not want to go directly to what you’ve asked of them. Regular kids don’t even want to. It’s normal behavior for kids to try and push off what they don’t want to do.
I just love how you mention your husband (not their father) getting mad and you allowing it, trying to tailor things to make -him- comfortable.
You need to evaluate your home and how you do things. Those kids need you to be there for them and be patient. Guide them. Help them. Don’t yell, punish, or scold. Especially when the poor little one starts to freaking cry.
Get your guys’ act together before it’s too late.
Please show me a kid who jumps up to do what is asked the 1st time they are asked.
My oldest is 16, youngest is 7 both boys and both have adhd. Having to repeat things 100!times is so annoying. Everything they are asked to do will usually get done. But not when asked the first time and usually about a hour later.
My middle is 14 a girl and also has it. But hers is different you can ask her to and she will forget and get side tracked then after done with that task she usually goes and hides and falls asleep somewhere. I was just like her growing up. So I get it but the boys drive me crazy with repeating and they also have to repeat everything many times. It’s like okay already you already told me that 100 times. Good luck
I just saw something cool that a lady did. She had two different colors of picker chips and a can with a lid for each child. The lid was plastic and had an x cut in the top so the child’s hand fit in it. Each time she asked her kids to do something they would get a “yes” chip if they went ahead and did it the first time asked. They got a “no” chip if not. The chips all went in the can. Then when the child asked to do something like have a friend over, watch’s movie, etc., they would have to pull a chip out of their can. They increased their odds of getting what they asked for if they did as told the first time. I hope that makes sense.
Pick and choose your battles! And if you and stepdad are fighting over it maybe get some marriage counseling so he can learn ways to help parent and not make it an issue
Tell him once to get a shower. Don’t tell him again. Tell him once it’s time for bed. You and your husband turn off the lights and go to bed leaving them up. Tell him once to sit and eat then clear his plate from the table when everyone else is done. No more to eat that night and he will learn to sit at mealtime. My boys had to learn that way. I got to where I didn’t care if they got a shower or went to bed or sat down to eat. It didn’t harm them but they learned to take some responsibility. You are living my life 25 years ago. We all survived it and they both turned out well. But tell them once. Quit repeating. They expect you to repeat and won’t listen until you scream and then you go to bed upset. Remember…tell them once and then go about your schedule of getting ready for bed. A few nights of no bath or no supper and things will start to get better.
Omg my kids like this. Following
Tell your husband welcome to children, and to chill tf out.
Some of these comments are insane. I totally get being frustrated when you ask and remind said child to do something many many times. Some of these people act like they’re perfect and have never lost their patience. Man must be nice to be a Facebook perfect mom. I found removing whatever the distraction is helped a lot. If it was the tv id pause the movie have my son look at me and explain again what i needed him to do. If it was the dog id have the dog go to a different room have him look at me and explain again. Same thing with a toy… Hey please put the toy down and look at me. Ok now I need you to go do this. ADHD kiddos tend to loose their train of thought extremely fast especially when their medicine wears off. Another thing that worked is 1,2,3 eyes on me 4,5,6 our mouth is zipped. I thought it was the craziest thing id ever heard until a saw it used in like every age of classrooms at the daycare i worked in and by the time the older kids got in that room you just held up fingers and the others would nudge their friends saying shhh the teacher wants us lol
They are kids, not soldiers 
& They have medical issues…
Perhaps you adults need to figure out why you have to have utmost control & your kids can’t be kids at home? Like why are you mad & screaming & punishing when your kid’s plainly have processing disorders??
Instead of screaming & fighting, try a different technique… Try a chore chart with photos & clocks & color code how long they have to get things done.
Some kids learn better with graphics than listening.