He gets violent when he doesn’t get his way. He throws things (including his chair) at school. He has a 504 so he can go to the calm room until he feels better. He uses it 3-4 times a day but he still throws things, hits, kicks, bites. He is NOT like that at home. He’s a normal, middle of the pack 6 year old first grader. He makes messes, we don’t spank but we do use time out or extra chores for misbehavior, most nights he goes to bed without too much fuss. When asked why he does what he does in school he says “I just want to”. His last pediatrician said we should just go to school with him and spank when acts up but I don’t want to answer violence with violence. The earliest we can get him in to another pediatrician is mid October. I think he has ODD and his dad thinks he has ADHD with violent tendency. What can I do in the meantime? Keeping him home or homeschooling isn’t an option for us right now.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What can I do about my 6-year-olds anger issues?
Hitting advised by a pediatrician!? I’d fire and find a new one.
Is he in therapy? That could help!
He’s probably being bullied at school. He’s learning this violent behavior somewhere. I recommend counseling.
I would definitely have him checked for both ADHD and ODD… my son has both…
Something is happening at school to make him lash out. Go to the school watch from a distance but don’t let him know your there do it often if you have to and figure it out. I done this with my kindergarten son and found out his teacher was screaming and he’s sensitive to loud sounds
Go to school with him. Sit in the back of the classroom and monitor him until he realizes there are consequences for his actions.
I had this problem with one of my twins last year at school. Turned out he was being bullied and the teachers would sit back and watch. We ended up pulling him and his brother and homeschooling the rest of the year and put them into Catholic school this year and they are doing amazing
Go to school with him & help correct his behavior.
It sounds like ODD…but I can not diagnose…as a retired teacher I suggest you discuss it with his Pediatrician and he/she will refer you to the assistance you need!!!
Is there a camera where you can watch with him or teacher knowing. A lot of schools have them
My son was the same way no behaviors at home by all in school. Classroom would have to be evacuated for other children safety. My son has ADHD ADD ODD. You should suggest a Nuero psy evaluation for him. There maybe alot more going on. After my son evaluation I found out he his high functioning austism as well Now he getting the supports he needs
Request a full evaluation from your schools special education department. They cannot diagnose but they can at least evaluate further, even if they’ve already done it for last school year they can do it again for the school year if his behaviors have gotten worse and the 504 is not working. Also consider finding a developmental pediatrician, they are much better at diagnosing and treating things like this than a regular pediatrician is￼
Make an appointment with a child psychologist & cut out red dye, limit sugar in the meantime.
If you think it’s odd or adhd (as I’m sure you’re probably heading toward) I’d definitely get him tested. But I would not think ODD if he does not basically do it consistently. I personally would start enforcing extra chores etc at home when he misbehaves at school. Additionally you could take away electronics but if he doesn’t see “consequences” of some sort from the behavior, it will continue. (Preschool teacher that works with conscious discipline and has a 3rd grader with adhd as well and I’m studying child psychology.). As the calm room is honestly more of a “get away” from the sounds of it. In preschool we use this when children have big emotions that they can’t control but we call it a safe space, so they can feel what they need to feel and we can help them learn about and cope with their feelings. If he truly just wants to then it will very likely stop when you start enforcing consequences at home for unfavorable behavior at school. (If you are not already)
Teachers don’t get paid enough to deal with this crap from kids like this. This is ridiculous behavior. I would quite literally take away everything until he started acting better. And positive reinforcement goes a long way. Chores also shouldn’t be a punishment. They’re just a requirement. No tv , xbox , phone , electronics , early bed time … that’s discipline.
I don’t recommend therapy or counseling. Brining more into the mix will suppress his emotions more . I recommend going to the school and looking from afar on what’s REALLY going on at school. ￼￼
Ah yes, drug him up instead of spanking him, that sounds reasonable
I’m having issues with my son’s school he is not angry or violent but can’t sit still and likes to be on the move
If he’s only doing it at school I’m gonna go ahead with overstimulation of some sort. Definitely check out ADHD, but also experiment with different learning environments I bet you’ll see some differences, and then you can kinda s what direction he needs to go in education wise. It happening only at school means something is wrong in his school environment.
ODD and ADHD can go hand in hand and this is the age ODD shows the school has to have a plan on how to handle his ODD
As kids “expectations” of behavior in ALL places were explained to us. Along with the consequences.
He has to have OPTIONs (time out to cool down) to breaking things and SURE consequences (restriction or toy removal). Violence was never use
Give him option to do something GOOD he can be Proud of and reward wonderful choices.
Kids have to be taught to be thoughtful, kind and empathetic.
Honestly, he probably needs to be checked to see if he’s on the high functioning end of the ASD. It’s not unusual for a kid on the spectrum to act completely different at school compared to home because they are more comfortable and less triggered at home.
Go see a neuropsychologist, as soon as you can.
I had a similar issue with my now 8 year old. I use the phrase “Be still” with him. It’s easy for him to remember whether he is with me or not. It means be still in your body, be still in your soul, be still in your anger, etc. If he can “be still” long enough for that anger to simmer out so he can use his words to express his frustrations it really helps. It took him some practice but this really helps him calm his spirit to this day.
A very good read. Also, cut out sugars & read your labels! Food dyes (especially red) can majorly effect people with ADHD. It’s literally poison & no one should ingest it but it’s particularly volatile for the adhd crowd.
Sounds like my kiddo at home. He’s 4. ADD. Finally made the hard decision to start a med and holy cow what a change in behaviors <3
First, I would fire the doctor. Spank the child? That does not solve for the problem.
And before anyone jumps on me, I think discipline is acceptable and a spanking at times (not a beating), can be ok. I know not everyone agrees with that - parenting styles differ. But don’t tell a parent their style is incorrect
Has he been evaluated for any learning disabilities such as dyslexia?
Please don’t use violence, that will only make things worse.
You have to request an evaluation in writing for school to act on it in many states.
Sounds like something sensory happening at school and he’s unable to process it so he gets frustrated. It could be something as simple as the lighting or loud bells. So yeah. Get him tested.
I think you need a new pediatrician
Sorry for this , but i would bust his ass in front of the class and he would never act like that again…a little discipline on occation never killed anyone…im not saying to beat your child…but a couple swats on his ass will get his attention.
I’m an SP1 parapro and I had to read this twice to make sure your kid isn’t in my class! It’s odd that he only acts up at school and not home. No amount of attachment should do that. Most everything you listed is a learned behavior, He has seen it somewhere! If it’s not at your house than I’d check with everyone else or what he’s watching at home. Sit in school a couple of days and observe him. See if it makes a difference!!
Get him evaluated through the school or on your own. He will probably qualify for behavioral therapy at least.
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I’d try a psychologist.
If he doesn’t act like this at home the chance of it being odd is slim. Something is happening at school that is making him act the way he is. You can actually go to his school and observe him and see for yourself what’s going on.
ODD is a BS diagnosis.
Oppositional Defiance Disorder….It just means they don’t like rules or being asked or told what to do. It usually accompanies ADHD
Just another label that is put on a child,and more prescriptions and doctor visits to attend You said he doesn’t act poorly at home. So why just at school?
Behavior Specialist here…. 1st thing to ask the school is to create a behavioral intervention plan that is NOT adversive. They need to praise him whenever they see him doing the right thing and ignore ( put on extinction) any bad behavior that is not hurting someone. There will be an extinction burst (increased bad behavior) but if it is not reinforced it will lessen over time. They should also find items, toys, activities he loves that he earns through good behavior. It may be every 5 or 10 minutes at first but the time can be lengthened as he does better. Maybe request a token board. Right now his behaviors seem to be reinforced as he probably is getting to avoid whatever it is he doesn’t want to do or perhaps because it is getting him attention. It’s important to find out why he does this and what he gets. If he is attention seeking, they need to provide attention when he is good. Ask for a behavior specialist to observe and track his behaviors and create a plan for him. Good luck and keep us posted on his progress.
I would get him tested asap or at min in to see a child therapist.
I don’t feel that this is ODD or ADHD. I feel this is just anger. My son is 7 and has angry outburst like this since he was 2-3 years old and it’s been at home and at school. He has never hurt another person. It usually ends up being himself. But I also know from experience everything my son was experiencing into had been through. I don’t remember a lot of my child hood because of trauma and the things I do remember are mostly my traumatic experiences. My son has never been through anything traumatic. So it has nothing to do with trauma either. Honestly idk what it why it happens or why we do it. But I found that mood stabilizers work tremendously￼ for these outbursts. I am on Prozac and my son is on lamictal. I am allergic to lamictal but that is the most commonly used mood stabilizer for adolescents and adults.
If I was the teacher. He would not have a chair to sit in if he throws his chair. He would not have recess if he hits, kicks, or bites. The calming room doesn’t work. If he didn’t learn from this, he would be in a corner. He is just being a brat. Because he wants too.
Tough love, whatever your doing isn’t working, get tougher on them. I had to with my 5 year old and big difference instead of turning them into med depend
If he has a behavior in school then you need to punish him when he gets home. No tv, electronics, or what ever his favorite toy is. Maybe even putting him to bed 30 min earlier. When he goes a day you need to reward him.
Play therapy. Trust me, works wonders.
Go to school with him and observe
As a Behavior Technician in a special education school, I recommend reward system to earn things he likes (such as stickers, 5 minutes on the swings, etc.). Start small such as every hour he follows class rules/expectations, participates and makes kind choices (being nice and sharing with peers) he can earn a star and after so many stars he can chose to do something he likes (math games on the computer, an art activity, even candy in small portions). When my students act out we either try to get them out of class (do not physically remove or restrain) or remove the other students (I know it’s not always ideal to stop a whole class because of a behavior but reduce what’s going on around him such as students staring at him or making noises that will aggravate the situation). When he is calm then talk about coping skills with him such as taking 5 deep breaths, stretch, count to 20, take a walk, eat a snack. Let him choose the one he wants to do and reward the coping skills he used, this will help him want to use a coping skills, and when he chooses to use a coping skills on his own acknowledge him and give him another star.
Sounds like my son before he got diagnosed with adhd, dyslexia, receptive learning disorder and ptsd and unfortunately put on meds. I was getting phone calls atleast 3 times a week about it. Got kicked out and sent home so many times. I missed so much work last year. So far(knock on wood) he has had no issues. I didn’t want to put him on meds but it has helped so very much. He is a completely different kid at school now. Still himself but not violent or running away out of classrooms(out of the school twice). I tried everything until I finally gave up and put him on meds to help. Started them the end of last school year. And on the days that I would be rushing and forget(it was new to me) I would get a phone call.
I’m not a expert but when a kid has any behavioral issues or ODD/ ADHD they do not pick how to behave in places , they act mostly the same in every environment, the only difference is when they take any medicine.
If he behave like that just at school ( as you said ) maybe something is happening and you should try to find out what the issues are,
Maybe he doesn’t like the teacher, maybe another kid is messing with him / bully him etc .
Try talking to him and ask him about this stuff, ask him if he would like to try another classroom.
Getting him evaluate is very important as well
It could be that he’s so used to getting one-on-one attention at home, he acts out when he doesn’t get it at school, or he has friends at school who are encouraging the behaviors. Get him tested, and maybe he can go to the school counselor when he’s having issues at school to try to help get to the bottom of the problem.
If the behavior is only in school environment, that sounds a bit strange. Most of the ADD ADHD, etc symptoms are usually observed in more than one environment not just school or home. There is the fact that some teachers don’t take crap or are push overs. We all knew in school which teachers were easy-going and some kids acted like big shot Aholes in the class and other teachers you knew not to even try to play with their nerves. Just my two cents
In order to have an ADHD diagnosis the behavior must be occurring in two places…such as at home and at school. What is the antecedent of his behavior or what is going on right before his behavior? This needs tracked. Also, they are possibly reinforcing this behavior with a “calm room”. This is why his behavior needs tracked to see what is going on prior to it happening. If he hates math, and it is math time, he knows if he has an outburst he gets out of it to go to the calm room. Ask for a behavior specialist or interventionist at school or ask the teacher to start tracking his behavior. Document each behavior and what went on right before it occurred and what the consequence was afterward such as he got to go to the calm room.
A pediatrician said spank? Get a new one. You’re right answering violence with physical abuse would only culture resentment. No advice, but I am definitely supportive of your nonviolent efforts to help your son make better choice
Could it be that he likes getting sent to the calm place so he does it to be able to be alone awhile.
Every situation is different one all children need discipline they need it that builds character two they throw a tantrum let them throw it till they’re tired in a safe environment then when they’re done you get on their level eye to eye don’t stand over them don’t be angry talk to them calmly and tell them what your expectations are when they act up and act bad this is what’s going to happen and give them structure and tell them they will be disciplined and whatever manner you see fit of course not violence but sometimes that’s what their bottom is for even at 6 years old sometimes they need a little swat when they’re good and.when they behave there’s a reward system and honor system there has to be some sort of structure something that’s tangible that’s visible love and hugs!! We all respond well to those!
And of course when all else fails you have to seek some sort of help therapy psychiatry maybe medication I don’t like medication however whatever is in your arsenal hope everything works out well!
thats strange our dr doesnt believe in SPANKING HARD TO BELIEVE THAT DR DOES
First get an Angel sense so you can hear what’s going on at school. Most kids won’t report bullying or an authority figure hurting them at that age. Listen to what’s going on
Well for one quit using Google to find his problem. Talk to his doctor or find a new one and get to the root of the problem. Is he an only child? Do you y’all coddle him when he acts this way at home? He may want the attention at school for acting up…
Can you sit with him at school? I had to for a week when my son was six… I sat in the back
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There is nothing wrong with a good spanking, and your son it not normal, normal kids DON’T throw chairs nor bite. If your doctor recommends a spanking its probably because your kid is just a brat. Therefore the required spanking. And there is a huge difference between spanking and abusing. I’ve found that most parents who choose not to spank because it’s so violent, are the ones that get so fed up with their and are literally afraid of spanking their kids cause they know that there is a great chance. That they will not be able to control themselves and abuse their child. It’s funny how parents who fail on their parenting all the first ones to say they think their kid has some form of mental issues like ADD and such to validate themselves.
Stop being an armchair psychiatrist and get a professional diagnosis. You can go to school and sit next to him and if and when he starts to misbehave, excuse yourselves and go home. Have his lessons sent home and don’t let him have his free time until his school work is done. Maybe if he sees the results if his actions are losing his play time at home, he will try harder to behave at school. If he does have a behavior disorder that can be controlled with medication along with behavior modification, then win-win.
Thank you for not going down the road of responding to violence with violence and reinforcing his poor behavior.
It’s hard to believe the doctor would say that cause the paediatric society is against spanking
Spank not beat spank
Spanking is not violence Smfh that’s why these kids act crazy bc the parents are. Violence with violence smfh
Get a referral and get him tested.
I dont think spanking is the answer to anything either … i would take a couple days off work n stand outside the door at school n watch .
Why does he need medicine at school if he acts fine at home ? Stop medicating the children n find out whats bothering them.
Your pediatrician should have referred you out to a specialist; neuro behaviorist or to therapist.
A normal MD can’t diagnosis, and can make things worse.
Could spanking help? Could it make it worse? Could it be ODD or ADHD, maybe? But, could it be something else?
Why think of could, get a specialist to help give actual diagnosis n help child…
he “just wants to”? he’s doing it for attention. he needs to be taught that acting a fool isn’t going to get him good attention, and the difference between good attention and bad attention. then he needs to be seen by a professional that can find out if there’s an underlying reason for him choosing violence in only school and not home
My son was diagnosed at 5 with ADHD. He was never violent but he met with a behavioral specialist once a week and the sessions were just the 2 of them. He was doing so well after about a year and a half that she said he was okay to be released from going to anymore sessions. I hope you find the help your son needs
Sounds like he is just acting out in school because he likes the attention it gives him, I mean if he doesn’t do it at home as well…sounds like a total different approach from whatever it is your now doing may be a good place to start. If the doctor recommends a spanking then maybe there’s a reason for it. He may just need one to see he can t keep acting however he wants to and still get away with it. Or he may just not want to do anything that is expected of him at school and not want to be there so he’s doing whatever he can to get out of it. I mean if he throws a chair or what have you and he gets sent out of the classroom into some space that does not require any real work out of him then of course he’s going to keep doing those things. Personally I’d start with NOT letting him get away with and out of the classroom. Have a one on one teacher stay with him. Make him do the work the other kids have to do! And extra chores for a 6 yr old!?? That seems like a bit much
This isn’t going to be a popular opinion but I think you should sit him down and tell him that if he’s throwing things and breaking things and hurting people you (his parents) will end up having to pay for what he broke or go to jail.
Is your child verbal? Sometimes kids that aren’t verbal or have a limited vocabulary act out like your son. Maybe work with him to identify feelings and the proper ways to express them.
I suggested to my son to cry if he is unhappy that he did not get his way. It helped.
Odd question he isn’t taking any antihistamines like Zyrtec or any asthma meds like singular? Both can trigger rage/ aggression.
Request a meeting to change it to an iep. Get him into a developmental specialist, the school can help with resources. Keep all things he can hurt himself with or others out of sight and reach. Children like this have a hard time regulating their emotions it is a chemical imbalance
Definitely ODD, often children with ODD will have ADHD too, so if they don’t recommend testing for both, then they probably aren’t the best doctor you can find, and I would find someone who actually has at least a basic knowledge of ODD. You don’t want someone is going to treat your son’s ODD at a level that is below basic, right? If you find someone who understands what they are talking about, and can work out how to help your son, then you will be stay with them for years. But if you stay a doctor because you don’t think that you are going to have issues, because doctors are “supposed to” know how to best manage your son’s ODD. And doctor’s “should” be able to tell you more than you can find out by googling it. Well then you “should” prepare yourself because you might be disappointed. I went on a bit of tangent, which is something that a lot of people with ADHD do. Here’s some info: Oppositional Defiant Disorder: ODD Symptoms & Treatments
First of all spanking a child isn’t beating
A child needs discipline
Not a time out or extra chores
There is no point in sitting them down
And taking the softly softly approach
It doesn’t work
Did you say normal middle of the pack six year old first grader? Lol… there ain’t nothing normal about that… An OCDADHD whatever you wanna call it take him to the doctor and find out but this right here is not that… Stop being so soft ma’am ￼Ma’am I’m gonna need you to snatch him up and lay some hands… I wouldn’t necessarily say spanking is violent but this right here is out of control put your foot down snatch them up and give them a good whooping
Sounds like he does it because he can, if he dont do it at home it means he has control over how he acts, so id say its not ADHD
My son has severe ADHD and he can get violent at times. He has had to be removed from class. I had him tested for Autism too. He has mood swings just like everyone else he just doesnt know how to express it in a proper way. Maybe a counselor to help with emotional regulation.
Im surprised your pediatrician said to spank him at school. Teachers are mandated reporters and have to report whenever a child is abused, and spanking ia considered abuse. Not saying dont try it, we have spanked both our boys if the situation called for it but i wouldnt do it at school.
The demands of school and home are very different so it’s not unusual for kids to have different behaviors in each environment. Do they have a behavior plan for him in school? I would get a therapist and see if the school has a counselor…and obviously you’ve already done the right thing going to the doctor to have him evaluated. The school can also do an evaluation or testing for you… or should be able to. He ia either acting out bc things are too difficult at school, or he has a diagnosis that causes him to have a hard time with regulation.
Just reread and saw he has a 504. Are they using a positive behavior plan at all? Are there logical consequences for after he has calmed down?
If he does it at school it can mean a few things. One: if he knows he gets to go to a calm room and away from the classroom of course he will act out to go there. Two: something is happening at school to make him act out in aggression. Are any kids being mean to him or how are the teachers with him? Three: could be missing home and the love and structure he gets, explain he is safe and loved in school. Four: you need to teach him that kicking etc hurts people, ask if he would want someone to do that to him. Teach empathy. Five: go see a behavioural specialist who can properly help him.
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Your pediatrician told you to spank him?
Your doctor should be fired I dont know snt professional who says to spank your child.we dont spank our kids either there are other ways to handle things… I have found with my 8byear old his anger issues developed during covid and when he went back to school is when it shows the most. It was such a hard time on the kids… if thays not the case and your son has been this way for some time yes see a professional please there is also a over the counter natural medication you can give him to see it’s called equazen I hope things get better
Maybe he is being bullied…?
Go to a pediatric psychiatrist . Get a real specialist. Start looking now they are how to locate.
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I honestly think you should be tearing that ass up! My son was the same way for a while, but I spanked him and took away his playstation for a while and best believe he got better. I don’t believe that spanking is a violent thing as long as you don’t go overboard.
A bit off topic but I would love some opinions. What about a 3 yr, 7 mon old boy who is not potty trained & while is able to say a few words, does not speak. He grunts & fusses like an infant to get what he wants. Thoughts?
He’s letting you know that something in his world is not right. My children both diagnosed with different types of ADHD. My granddaughter is autistic. They all have gotten specialized care ! Bless you and your family
I would definitely ask him about bullying. I agree the safe room COULD be backfiring as a way to get to leave the class.
I am wondering also, how is he doing academically.
As a teacher by trade, some behavior issues happen when a student is bored. They are mentally/academically beyond the curriculum and/or advanced and their boredom makes them lash out. I think you need to dig deeper when it comes to what’s going on at school. Ask him how the teacher treats him also.
The hold a meeting with his teacher. And maybe have one with the principal too.
I hope you get to the bottom of this and your son gets necessary help or his situation under control. It’s easy to say it’s all on him but then again you said he doesn’t act out at home. At this age he isn’t purposely being vindictive to act out, something is off for sure. Could be a person in his schools life. And don’t let anyone tell you you’re overreacting or it isn’t a big deal.
Be your sons voice and keep going until your figure out what he needs to feel safe and be successful!