What can I do about my 8-year-old daughters attitude?

She is very ungrateful and a spoiled little brat (yes I know we created that). We thought she was going to be an only child and 2 years ago we decided to try one last time. Well today I get a phone call from her nanny. While they were at the store her nanny was telling her about this guy she was talking to (yes she shouldn’t be talking to an 8 year old about that, thats another story for another time) but our daughter responded “who would want to date you”. That was the last straw I am done with the way she speaks to adults and lies about it when you confront her. She is going to lose everything (electronics, toys, tv, playtime with friends) for the rest of the summer. We have tried counseling but the psychologist we were seeing left and with our insurance it’s a hassle to get another one. :disappointed: What else can we do? I am at a loss for words because we did not raise her to be like this.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What can I do about my 8-year-old daughters attitude?

Take everything she likes away from her and keep her in the house for summer vacation!

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You deff did raise her like this because kids act like what they see. Someone around her has that same smart mouth.

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Instead of punishment try and find out why she’s doing that and get her some help it don’t matter if you have to fight with insurance if you really want to help her then you would fight for her you are her biggest advocate.

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You will have a difficult journey now as you have let her run the show too long!!

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Public school and social media is a big part of the problem. Kids just mimic what they see and hear at school and on YouTube. I cut my kids off electronics a while ago and their attitudes improved. The only things they’re allowed to use now are the switch with kids settings and YouTube but they have to be watching with an adult. If my husband is busy or I’m busy no YouTube. Only Nick and Nick Jr for TV. It’s hard but it helped so much

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i was a little shit as a kid with a shit attitude just like that… my mom used to strip my room bare with only my bed, sheets, pillows, bookshelf, crayons & paper and that’s where I stayed… when my attitude changed and behavior progressed we ‘built my room’ back up… took a while but i learned… now i’m a fantastic artist, reading addict, own my own photography business and have a super deep consideration for how it’s not always what i say but how i say it that can come off as horrible…. she’ll get there mama! head up!

Shouldn’t have had a second kid. Why don’t you try talking to her instead

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Well, she was speaking to an 8 year old about her love life. The child had a legit question. :woman_shrugging:t3: Smart mouths are inherited, I’ve got a house full of them :relaxed::joy:

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I don’t know about your religious beliefs but maybe youth church activities? My daughter loves Wednesday night church and her youth pastor is such an inspiration to her as well.

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Sounds like you’ve created a monster. Start making her accountable immediately and you also.

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Good luck with that. I can’t say here what my grandmother would have done if I dared to form my mouth to be disrespectful to her for no reason :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

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Sounds like someone needs a good pop on the mouth followed by some soap, it works wonders!!

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I think you should go old school, I had the same problem with my daughter at 8 , and I had to put her in the corner for everything! Every little disrespectful act and defiance and if the same behavior kept occurring the time in the corner would get longer

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I think you need to have 2 serious discussions. 1 with your child, to get to the bottom of her attitude, and 1 with your nanny about what is and isn’t appropriate conversation to have with a child. It also wouldn’t be a bad idea for you incorporate 1:1 time with your daughter into your daily routine. She could very well be acting out because it gets your attention.

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The biggest problem I see, is that you’ve given up on counseling. Counseling only works with consistency, as well as discipline, and expectations. It sounds like consistency in her life is honestly the biggest issue. Also, do not allow her to be parentified by the adults in her life, THAT matters here. She should not be talked to by adults, about adult issues, like an adult if they did not want an adult response. Consistent family therapy, discipline, and expectations is in order.

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Introduce her to the rod just once and you will see how she will no longer be spoiled. Explain why she is getting it and be done with it

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My daughter is also 8 and exactly the same way after we had our second. There is a 5 year gap between them. Jealousy is a big thing. We also tried everything and she still does counseling. I also said “we didn’t raise her to be like that.” But…my partner and I also had to change the way we were (because a lot of it was us), and things are getting better slowly. We try to give our daughter more one on one time, weekly movie night when brother goes to bed, girl time doing nails. Anything to make her feel like she is still important even with a new sibling in the house. Good luck mama, parenting is hard and filled with lots of trials and errors.

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My daughter is the same way! She’s very beautiful and very smart. She is on honor roll and is cheer captain at her school. I’m very proud of her! But her attitude is horrible. She’s disrespectful to alot of people including myself. I continue to correct her behavior everyday and sometime she gets grounded for her disrespectful. But never longer than 24 hours. I have 2 other children who do not have this issue. The only difference with her is she used to go to her father’s home every other weekend and unfortunately learned this behavior there. But I will always stay committed to making her feel loved and respected. We must always lead by example. It takes ALOT OF TIME but hang in there! :open_hands::heartpulse:

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Wow. Parents are toxic af :flushed:

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Find another child therapist

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Lol you absolutely raised her like this.

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Could just be a stage, children are very trying. Enforce the rules, if you say this will be the consequences, follow through. (I will take your electronics, if you do this or that) follow through and take them, first offence, a week, second offence, a month, she’ll figure it out in a hurry.
Watch her friends, she could be picking up bad behavior from other children.
I’m going to say it, watch your own mouth also, because many things are learned behaviors, when you react to her behavior, choose your words carefully.
Good luck!

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She’s worth the hassle of finding another psychologist.

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Find her another, competent counselor. Can you imagine this behavior in twenty years? Please get her the help she needs.

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Obviously, you did raise her like this.

But you can fix this with consistent application of rules and the consequences.

Of course, now it will be much more difficult to correct the issue as you’ve let her run the show for 8 years. You’re the Mom, you can change this path.

Set the rules and the punishments.

Write them out. Give her a copy

Discipline consistently, no giving in and reducing her punishment because she has improved or done well before the end of her punishment.

I wish you well.

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When my daughter acts like that I take away electronics and have her write sentences over and over. It doesn’t happen often though. Normally me giving a look or raising my voice is enough to break her

Get her into counseling ASAP. A play therapist due to her age will work. Through play the therapist/counselor can initiate different conversations with her. Using dolls helps. Asking open ended questions works where she can’t just use one word answers.

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Is she not worth the time finding another therapist?

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Some of ya’ll are too much.

Geez.

She’s a child whose world is constantly changing. She has a nanny, so it means parents aren’t always there with her (so this may make her want some personal time). A sibling possibly coming after spending all years being the only child.

You need to open your mind and take a breath. Relax. YOURE her mother. YOURE her teacher. Guide her.

Children don’t understand the effects of mean comments, so you teach her.

Children don’t understand attitudes, so you inform her how she’s speaking needs to change. We all went through it.

You getting worked up won’t help the situation any. You need to sit with her and have a heart to heart because some of this post seems like you push a lot onto others and sometimes they just need mommy. To know they’re being seen, heard, loved.

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Umm. Look around her. The first problem I can see is…why the hell is the nanny involving and discussing grown folk conversations. The child needs to stay in her place as a child and put there when she acts out. No one’s fault but the adults who allow her to step out of her little child lane. I promise you this. If you don’t start stunting her grown like behavior things will only get worse. I’m not one to condone any kind of physical discipline but a spank on the bottom will remind her who’s in charge. Or take away… everything that influences her disrespectful behavior. I’d be on it, take away phones or tablets…even the tv if she has screen time. All those new age kid shows influences alot of behavior. But it’s up to YOU as the adult and parent to nip that shit. Be stern.

And what have you said about the nanny to make her say that?

You need a new therapist, a new nanny and some strict rules in place

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Why is everyone’s first go to is to get child therapy :roll_eyes::roll_eyes: maybe actually parent your kid instead of being a friend and you wouldn’t have that problem.

Therapy is for people with ACTUAL mental health issues and problems, not for kids who’s parents spoiled them and now don’t know how to deal with the person they created.

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You gotta understand, she’s adjusting to not being the only child. She’s no longer your baby. She’s no longer spoiled all the time. She no longer has your undivided attention. She is adjusting to a lot of changes and probably feeling a bit unloved (nanny doesn’t sound like she’s helping). She’s acting out because she doesn’t feel loved, wanted, and isn’t getting the attention she used to have. Make time for her again and get her a better counselor.

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Well first what kind of person is her nanny for her to say that? Maybe she’s just honest lol but she is sounding “grown” because someone is obviously having adult conversations with her. I think the parents need to sit down and talk with her about her attitude and let her know how she is coming off and then go from there

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Deal with the "hassle " and find your daughter a new therapist

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read what you just wrote about all the stuff you are taken away from her,!!! WOW, let her go outside to play with her friends, that is very important, But the rest, take away. Instead of TV, make her read some books. And as per seeing a psychologist, If your insurance says no, if there is any hospital that has clinics, there is a child psychologist, & they will go with your insurance & how much you make as per your payment. And it is NEVER a hassle to find someone for your daughter to see. You as a parent should do everything you can for your kids, no matter what, That is what mother’s do :slight_smile:

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Start making her write apology notes to the people she was disrespectful too. The note should include a description of what she should be sorry about. Start introducing her to reading books, rather then TV, social media and electronic games. Sign her up for overnight camp, that’s always an eye opener for bratty kids. Have the nanny start bringing her to places like museums, libraries, zoos, parks, craft classes, tennis classes, swimming classes, yoga, meditation and science centers would be a start in the right direction.

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Idt taking all her things is going to help this issue at all…

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You are her mother you should know.

First of all …. No let’s start with the the nanny telling her about the guy she’s dating. Why in the world would an adult get the counsel of a child on those matters?

Ok so involving children in GROWN FOLK BUSINESS will reap children who ACT GROWN.

Also not “being kind” is not a mental illness.

Sas is not therapy worthy.

Entitlement starts at home.

Not sure what her being spoiled has to do with being a sarcastic comedy queen but wow your kids mom is a wack job.

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What a mean little kid

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Well , she didn’t learn that behavior by her own , you have to be very careful with what type of person she is around when you guys are not there , also that is very common when you spoil a kid but don’t parent , you create little monster.
She is only 8, talk to her about it and yes be very consistent with the discipline

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Stick her in the corner facing the wall… Each time she’s disrespectful do it… She will get the message very quickly

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Honestly amazed that children have access to electronic gadgets from a young age these days. No matter how careful you are they can and will find inappropriate content.
Around the age of 7yo children start to reason. Try talking to her. Ask her why she’s behaving as she does. Spend time alone with her. Explain babies take a lot of time and energy but you still love her and she can always talk to you about her problems. Set aside at least an hour a day mother and daughter time where you talk and listen to each other.
The nanny needs to keep her personal life personal…she shouldn’t be discussing it with a child
Yes you brought it on yourself…but its never too late to turn things around. Time, love, discipline, consistence. Set out the rules…explain the consequences of breaking them . If you and your Dr feel theres a problem that requires therapy…find her a new one. Every child deserves the best we can give them

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Honestly, this might sound harsh but if your kids are disrespectful that’s on the parents. As a parent you correct your kids from a young age and teach them how to treat and speak properly to other human beings in general

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Make her apologize and expain to her certain actions have consequences. you spoiled her and let her do whatever for 8 years so now its time to play catch up. Start slow. Dont just rip everything away at once. She wont understand. Also tell the nany to stop gossipin with your child. Shes not an adult.

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So you raised her to be like this and at this point she will see nothing wrong with her behavior because it’s been okay and condoned for the past. Taking things away from her is really unfair to her because you taught her this. You need to get both parents and the nanny on board in parenting classes and all of you need to follow the same parenting style
You need to start off slow so she understands that this isn’t a punishment and just sees it more as a normal thing. This is all on you. Whether she was going to be an only child or not really doesn’t matter teaching a child to be selfish self-centered it’s not acceptable as she gets older whether she’s got another child in the family or not

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So you got her a psychologist because you spoiled her that makes absolutely zero sense

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8 years old, her best therapist should be you. Her lying is because of punishing. To tell the truth should always be praised— and expressing you may get angry with the truth to your child is very important also. I used to tell my daughter that her truth was very important and I may be upset – I would send her to her room for about 5 minutes, have her come out and I would ask her what she did ,that made me upset and if what she did was right or wrong. Then life would continue until next time. She was also taught that with the truth, you don’t have to remember because it never changes, where a lie-- you have to remember, what you told to who, who you told what too. Too much work.

Get and read the book, the connected child. Every adult around her needs to read it and you need to start following what it says.

You raised her to be like this, now it’s your responsibility to teach her to be kinder. Don’t act like she’s willingly acting like this!

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You probably should seek another psychologist but not to change your child’s behavior but to help her deal with life in general and parents who did not parent correctly.

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It sounds as if she may be receiving more attention for when she is negative than positive. Read the book, “How to be a Bucket Filler” with her and do whatever she needs to promote what it teaches. Maybe she needs to first recognize the difference in negative and positive comments. Reward her for that recognition first. Then keep rewarding her positive choices.

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Yall are rude as f*ck.
My daughter is the same way. I need help and advice too :cry: my 10 year old is especially mean to her brother.
You’re doing a great job momma. The fact that you came here for advice with this took guts.
Im sorry so many people are being so hateful :pleading_face:
Don’t let their words get to you at all. Their kids probably need the help we are seeking and they don’t even realize it🤷‍♀️

u find another physc dr. if she had cancer n the dr u needed was a ‘hassle’ to find with insurance would u just let it go? no idts. get her in therapy also not just physc dr. u also need to teach her how to act an what’s not ok.

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Lmao you say she has a bad attitude but you call her a spoiled brat on the internet to strangers. You should not try for a second kid til YOU get serious help

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Boutta troll all you as*holes.

Old fashion put her over your knee and spank her! Ground her.

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So because she was going to be an only child it was alright to bring her up like a spoiled brat?

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This might come off rude, but a child’s attitude is usually a reflection of the parents. If you’re not teaching her what’s wrong/rude/unacceptable she’s going to think she can say whatever she wants. The way you speak of her, is probably why she speaks to others the way she does. I think you both need a reality check

I think taking step back and analyzing the whole house hold first be a must. Kids learn behavior she’s still young. Teach her proper way talk to adults, she’s watching and learning from somewhere.

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I would try to find another therapist regardless of the hassle. Also have a talk with her about how she sounds to other people. Tell her she wouldn’t like it if someone was to hurt her feelings like that. Then, whenever she is rude to someone, I would start pointing out that she was rude, how she was rude, and then remove something that she enjoys from her. An electronic pastime, a game or something. Do one at a time until she runs out. Then start with limiting her TV until she runs out of TV time. Take away play time with friends until that’s gone. Each time you say no, tell her she’s doing the punishment to herself by her attitude. Tell her she can earn back her privileges by learning to come tell you when she gets frustrated with people and telling you how she feels instead of being rude. Then you can work on teaching her tolerance. Everybody is different and everybody has their own problems. Nobody should say mean things to anybody because it’s not right to do that. People don’t like to be around mean people. Good luck.

She probably wants your attention and she doesn’t care how she gets it. Negative attention is still attention. When was the last time the two of you did something together? There’s nothing wrong with having a nanny or giving limited screen time until the nanny and the electronics are the one raising your kid and then you tell yourself, we didn’t raise them to be like this, but the question is, did you raise them? You talked about her having a psychologist; do you listen to her? Do you know what her goals, dreams, hopes, favorites are? Some kids are just born more angry than others and there’s a good chance that she’s angry with you right now and she was never taught how to express that and she’s expressing the only way she knows how. Good luck, just love her and help her through this. Spend some quality time, one on one with her and get the bottom of why she’s angry. The reason may just surprise you.

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Oh but you did… How do you think she got that way??

Sounds kinda bad but check how yall talk to her…

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These comments are pretty rude. She could be learning this from other kids at school or from youtube. When my kids started going on youtube and getting older the kids in school were assholes. There may be something going on like bullying. My daughter was being bullied for being a type 1 diabetic and her behavior changed. I would try to have an open conversation with her and find a different therapist. Good luck!

Man she’s 8 she shouldn’t be in adult conversations to start with. Start with the adult they are the problem for that one.

Secondly atop spoiling her (I know it’d so hard I’ve always caused a problem) and when she speaks like this remind her she wouldn’t like it if she was spoken to that way.

But some kids attuides have to be ignored where some children need a firm hard parent

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Really, getting another psychologist is a hassle?? I wonder what the problem is with your daughter

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You can’t afford decent insurance, but you have a nanny? Get rid of the nanny and try parenting her yourself. Geez…:person_facepalming::person_facepalming::person_facepalming:

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So making a couple calls to find a new psychologist is to much for you to do but going taking everything you listed away isnt? :sweat_smile:
100% is how you raised her honestly. You literally said you raised her “thinking she was going to be the only one” so I’m sure you gave her whatever she wanted. You have that same attitude she’s got. If you can’t handle that don’t have another kid cause that one will likely have it too.

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Be firm. Ground her.

Sounds like a fairy tale. When does the fairy God Mother show up?

Yeah, so be an adult and endure your “hassle” and get her more help??? :roll_eyes:

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Watch the show the nanny her name is Joe and she helps people like you. Watch her over and over and follow everything she says to the letter

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First of all, you did raise her to be like that. Second of all, step up and do something about it.

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Ummmm but YOU did raise her to be like that. Luckily for you, she’s still young enough to correct they why she has been raised. And find someone else for her to talk to. It maybe you and your husband should talk with someone as well. Have her earn, anything extra, give her chores, talk with her, but going from one extreme to another isn’t going to help her

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Young one, you’ve taught her to behave like this- you are right. But you can “fix” this. It’s going to take a lot of patience. It’s taken years for her to be where she’s at now- it’ll take about 1/2 the time to change it. Start with a chart of what’s “ acceptable and what’s not” put a number value to it - at the end of the week add them up and if a positive result give her something back negative take something away. You can do this with chores and allowances too. But require the job be done right to get credit for.
It’s going to take time, young one.

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That’s a common insult. She didn’t make it up. Where did she hear stuff like that from? It’s either you/family, media or school. Find out where she hears this stuff & talk to her about her source not always being something she should copy. I wouldn’t cut her from the source. It doesn’t teach her anything. She’s going to have bad influences around her her entire life. She needs to learn how to handle it.

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How long has she had a nanny? Maybe that’s the problem.

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Oh yes, you sure raised her to be like that!! 8 years old and can’t control her??? You can still nip that nasty attitude in the making, but it’s gonna be hard, it can be done though

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She is the reflection of what you are. If you want her to change, you need to change yourself first. Educate her verse discipline is best in most circumstances. I don’t believe in spanking or inflicting pain for it only stops the actions in front of you but it doesn’t solve the root of the problem. Spend time with her, reading books that set a good example of what she would like to be one day. Watch super hero movies that have good morals and values. Play games, put her in sports that teach her sportsmanship. Again, educate, guide verse taking things away.

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Baby that’s your fault. And you need to spend more time with her and discipline her.

It’s normal responses for her age, kids have no filters. If you don’t want a sassy remark don’t give a window for one, as in that wasn’t an appropriate conversation to have in the first place. How uncomfortable for your daughter.
Spend more time together if worried about “bratty” behavior. Probably a cry out for more quality time together :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Maybe stop calling her names since shes gets it from you guys (most likely)
Positive parenting is the way to go, stop name calling stop talking about her like shes a grown ass women and expecting things from her that you clearly cant deliver yourself

First get off your a** and find a counselor, yup insurance sucks but your kid comes first. Second, how is taking HER things that you’ve given her going to help? In my opinion you are just going to make things worse and that kid isn’t going to trust you for crap. But have fun with that

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WOW these comments are not helpful to her. She admitted that she isn’t perfect so give her some tips.pointers like ask her ped if they can recommend a counselor or therapist that is n network, you as parents are in need of a parenting class as well for preteens. Yep she is a preteen and frankly they suck. Been there done that. It’s hard to be a parent and help is hard to ask for but given the right tools and using them will bring you thru it. None of us come with a manual. Hugs to you and your lil darling . Also have you asked your child why she is behaving in such a way. Sometimes we as adults get side tracked with the big question and forgot to ask why… The answer may surprise you. Also the library is a good place to start. Just my opinion. Good luck.

What’s more of a hassle? Getting a new psychologist or dealing with a bratty kid?

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Ok now wait a minute here. “You didn’t raise her to be like this “ :joy::joy::joy::joy: yeah ok let’s ask the nanny about it bc clearly you’re not raising her. Also hello she is 8 she isn’t raised yet! She is small child navigating the world by herself. Have ya tried actually spending time with her ya know like a parent is supposed to do. Stop spoiling the damn child bc you won’t make yourself available for the child. Is therapy was helping guess what it’s not god damn hassle! Suck it out on your adult panties and act like a responsible adult and find another psychologist for her. It’s not that hard for you to actually give a damn about your child and get her the care she needs. Your child isn’t a burden and certainly not an inconvenience as you make her sound. She is a child who needs her parents to actually be there for her to help her guide her and love her. Not act like everything she does is the end of the world. Oh also our children mimic us so her behavior is a direct reflection on you and how you speak to others an treat them so maybe you need to check your own spoiled brat self before you check her.

Nanny? What do you mean you didn’t raise her to be this way? Truth is you didn’t raise her at all, the nanny did.

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She needs to apologize first.

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Yes you did raise her to be like this. Best of luck now.

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I’d say your daughter is worth the “hassle”. Get her professional help. Is she was never corrected, then it’s not all her fault. Not cute any more and wait until the preteen years… best of luck mama.

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Children only copy what they see at home

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Please, read about the psychology of an 8 year old… And don’t maker her feel like she is a “spoiled brat” remember that whatever we say they are, they will become, so shower her with positive things and focus on those things she does well.
Be firm, set rules and boundaries but don’t overreact when she breaks those rules because that sometimes encourages them to repeat the unwanted behavior. Kids between 7-9 years old go through this phase were they really want to push the boundaries. Please get yourself some good parenting books for the age she is at right now and be loving and patient.

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Have you tried having her volunteer at local soup kitchen or retirement home?

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Definitely find another therapist asap and follow through with her losing privileges & consequences. Teach her what empathy is and if she doesn’t have anything nice to say to not say anything at all.

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Therapy. She needs to learn how to understand and manage her emotions

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Well she could be learning this behavior from school, if you take her to the park maybe the park but she’s definitely learning it somewhere… Definitely start taking away the things she likes… I believe diet has a big impact (mainly sugar) I know my daughter is a total a-hole if she has to much. To much tv time could be overestimating her, I know it stimulates my daughter. And quality time together is very important.