I’ve been having trouble with my 7 year old daughter. She literally just won’t listen to me. I’ll take things away (toys,tv,etc.)… she’ll say mean things like “I wish you weren’t my mom” and “I hate you”. I’ve tried all the discipline I can think of. I’ll tell her to go to her room. Go to timeout. She always says “no you can’t make me”. I’ll physically carry her to her room which isn’t easy. She’ll kick, bite, scratch, hit, try to knock over anything she comes in contact with. I’ve tried spankings and her reaction to that is to fight back. I’m just drained, heartbroken and feel helpless. Her Dad and I have been together her whole life but he drives a semi over the road so can’t help much while he’s gone. Please help! I’m at the point where I’m wondering what I did so wrong with her and just feel guilty that idk how to help her.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What can I do about my daughters bad behavior?
Look into odd, ahdh, and asd. Rule those out. Traditional parenting attitudes often fail with those disorders.
My son’s super defiant and has potentially all 3
Definitely look into ODD
Have you tried therapy for her? Also you might need professional help at this point. I would talk to her doctor asap. That’s not okay and it’s only dragging you down too
Your an amazing mama, kiddies test the boundaries at that age. Keep your chin up…
She is fine… maybe try asking her for a hug…or when shes frustrated talk to her n ask her why ? When shes calm ask if shes happy…if theres stuff shed like to do with you…or make a special day for just u guys. Does she have siblings ??
Take her to a doctor
Put her in the invisible chair! No kid likes that! I do that with my grandkids they don’t like it!
Do you do loads of encouragement for good behaviour? (Im sure you do) sometimes the lashing out is a cry for attention good or bad. Though maybe a bit more extreme in your daughters case at the age of 7 and knowing right from wrong I think you’d be within your rights to seek a behavioural assessment x
My daughter is Level 2 ASD and was/is just like this. I wish I had some sound advice, give yourself regular breaks and stay as calm as you can.
Has she been tested for a.d.d or a.d.h.d? All 4 of mine have it and it’s sounds alot like my 3rd who’s 6 o.d.d can also accompany those
I would contact her pediatrician. Normally pediatricians should be able to give you some advice - or at least guide you in the right direction
You’ve tried a lot of discipline but have you tried talking to her? She clearly has a ton of feelings and emotions running through her. Find the root of that so you can really help her instead of just thinking she’s bad.
Maybe try positive reinforcements instead of negative ones
Talk with her doctor.
Do not automatically diagnose them adhd or a.d.d. because that not a doctors diagnosis. It’s completely normal behavior for a child of that age as they can’t regulate their emotions. Promise she will grow out of it. But just like the terrible 2s it’s just another part of mother hood u gotta survive. Lots of parent shoving pills their kids don’t need down their throat they don’t know the long term effect from it.
Kids rest boundaries at this age
My son did this kind of stuff at that age and he was Bipolar and adhd try talking to doctor
Sounds like she might have odd it’s a behavioral disorder. My friend kid has it but he’s gotten soooo much better with the right methods. It’s nothing you’ve done if it is odd. Take her to get evaluated and therapy is helpful too
Parenting classes, stop reinforcing negative behaviors (time outs is a negative reinforcement) and learn gentle parenting, strong willed children arent ment to be pumbled in to a submissive manner until they do what they are told
Try going the opposite direction and giving her more responsibility and independence. Try to think of things she could have more choices in to decide for herself. Usually behavior like that stems from feelings of helplessness over not having much control in her life. If you give her good avenues to practice that control or independence in a constructive way it can greatly help lessen her trying to claim control in negative ways.
I used to have to drop mine off the face of the earth. Meaning ignore them and stop spoiling and doing all the little things they look forward to including speaking. It is far worse than any punishment you could ever think of.
I’m not saying there aren’t disorders out there. Sometimes kids are just stubborn and try to push you to your limits to get what they want. I have a kid like that. Just always testing and testing to wear me down. My advice be consistent. Don’t give in once. We finally had taken everything out of my daughters room except her mattress when she was around 7. She eventually started to realize life was sucking. Be strong, mama.
Try therapy and good luck🙏
Reverse your tactics. Hug and take her to the park. Have her intermingle with kids her age
At what age did this bad behavior start? From whom did she learn this bad behavior?
Talk with doctors.My son has ODD and I was feeling the same way. Nothing I did made a difference
I am not a Dr but this is a suggestion. My daughter was in first or second grade acting out like that to teachers and before we tried medication the behavior specialist suggested making sure she got enough sleep. I told him she’s so wired and can’t sleep. He said give melatonin.
Stick with a strict bed time. So I put her to bed at 8:00 p.m. we woke at 6 a.m. for school everyday.
It made a huge difference in her behavior!
The key is to be consistent every night.
Send her to my house for a week.
Maybe get her into counseling. She could be struggling with something’s and doesn’t know how to express herself except for acting out. You said your husband, her dad is on the road a lot, maybe that effects her? She is acting out for a reason. It isn’t always a medical condition.
Sounds like ADHD to me (im fully diagnosis with adult ADHD n have been for 10 years now) spanking doesn’t help it teaches children it’s okie to hit when there cross as basically that’s all spanking is… Try n talk calm to solve the cause of the problem… As there’s usually a trigger for an episode like this… She might not know herself so keepin a diary can help link the main causes… Good luck
Does she eat alot of sweets? They really believe like misbehaved kids and what they eat can go hand and hand like eating crappy chips candies all day can actually mess with their moods. I definitely put the fear in my kids so spankings do work for me. Also consisting punishments like whatever you say do
My seven year old has ADHD and mild intellectual disability. He is very defiant at times as well. What has really helped us is to reward good behavior and to praise him for it. He’s learning that it satisfies his desire for attention and he won’t be punished for being good. He does still have his moments and when he does, we sit him down and remind him of this. Definitely talk to your pediatrician as well. I was very surprised at how much support we got from ours.
adhd and odd .sure sounds like you need to get a referal from your family doctor and take her to a specalist that deals with this kind of behavior. she may need meds to help her focus and calm her down.
Definitely seek professional help… She needs to be tested, specifically for ADHD, ODD, etc . this behavior is not okay, & its clearly not good for ur mental health… Its 100% ok to ask for help! My oldest has ADHD & ODD, & we have some trying days. Hes always known not to put his damn hands on me or hurt me in any way… Hes almost 14 now so weve hit teenage years on top of everything else. U got this, Mama.
I give my daughter Chillax. It is good for anxiety. It’s all natural/ a bunch of vitamins. My daughter isn’t irritable all the time anymore. She also take Focus Factor for her ADD, which is also a bunch of vitamins. Both can be found on Amazon.
I’m having this same issue with my 8 year old
I would say it’s somewhat normal behavior. My six year old is strong willed and says stuff like that to. “You’re a mean Mom!” “I hate you!” “I don’t have to listen.” And then I have to get angry and force him to his room. I’m learning to recognize his behavior after school and he has huge emotions after the day. Is it at certain points or all day?
I’d stay consistent with her. Consequences to actions. I think with the weather being nice now it’s especially hard for kids to be in class when they just want summer lol
Hang in there Mama…you aren’t alone!
Less “correction” more “connection” sounds like she’s acting out and maybe needs you to engage more with her heart … get on her level and hug more, foster good feelings good behaviors, catch her doing good things and build and praise as much as you possibly can
Make sure your not feeding her anything with red#40 or any other sy thetic dyes. I have notice a HUGE difference in my children. Mainly my 7 yr old. It messes with the wiring in their brains. stop the dyes
Be consistent and teach her meditation. I see alot of people commenting that it sounds like ADHD. But if you teach her how to meditate, she will feel so much better! Start with guided meditation. Trust me, it works
Mine is almost 7, I can relate. They are pushing your boundaries. Keep pulling her back, be consistent.
Get a referral to a behavioral specialist
I am so sorry you’re dealing with that. My youngest was like that shortly after my husband passed away and I assumed it was just because of grief. It was a main portion if it BUT I also had him tested because he was struggling with school. He has ADHD. We do not use medicine as of now but there are so many different diagnosis out there that could help you find the right path to help her. My son he has out bursts and them 15 mins later Is apologizing. He just cannot calm himself down the way others do. I was thinking he was manipulating me by being awful and then nice to get his way. But that isn’t it at all and I’ve found through lots of research and therapy for myself asking him to go to his room or putting him there when he refuses (he’s 9 and it’s harder everytime because he just gets stronger). I have had to help him regulate himself and learn that sometimes we just need a breather and even if we’re still mad we go to our room and talk it or scream it out and start over. Every kid is so different so what works for me and mine won’t work for everyone else. But don’t give up. It is a long road but it’s even longer if we ignore it and hope it just changes. So many hugs your way and your sweet Littles way.
Dad may want to consider a local job … kids seem to act out when dad’s are gone
Tell her that until she learns to give you some respect you will no longer be making school lunches washing her cloths and only serve her basic foods ie tin stews or frozen meals.
Give her the basics she needs to get thro day to day. I would also explain to teachers etc what is going on just to cover your self if your daughter lashes out and complains at school
It sounds like there’s more going on here than meets the eye… I suggest getting into a family therapist.
Have you tried actually TALKING to her?!?! You’d be surprised …… also, Is it possible she misses her dad?
Therapy worked for me in-house therapy
The behavior therapist recommended we use positive reinforcement, something that’s really important to her. I went with money… I give her $1 to get ready for school, $1 to get ready for bed lol it’s, $5 to clean her room, etc… instead of allowance. It’s worked really good for us.
Sounds like she needs an evaluation for ADHD. Also, why on earth would anyone spank their child. It obviously does not correct the issue and she’s just going to resent you more.
A few whoppings on her little cheeks to realize who tf is in control…. Repeat as needed
Sounds a little like ODD - Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Talk to her Dr. Traditional methods do not work especially when it comes to discipline.
If you all don’t start correcting you children,the are only gonna get bigger
Have you had her checked for adhd and ODD? Many kids with adhd are destructive and acts worse when it comes to discipline… that’s how my son is but what helps me and him, when he’s on his “rampage” in his room screaming and crying I completely ignore him. Have a set list of chores he has to do, and then also have a consequence and reward jar. One has paper full of rewards he will love and consequences he will hate, and if he doesn’t do it like pick up sticks in yard, he has to pull another one don’t do that, then I slowly take away everything he loves, from electronics, toys etc… I hope this can work with you and your little one, don’t give up, you’re doing great, their minds are just jumbled up and even if they know right from wrong, don’t know how to process it all… stay firm but also be easy.
Definitely think you should visit a doctor, maybe there’s more than meets the eye that’s going on
You may have done nothing wrong so stop beating yourself up
Look up commando parenting by Dr phil… if you are sure she has no undiagnosed issues, then go for it. She has to fear you now. (Do not listen to those who say O.D.D. bec that is everywhere, not just at home) You need to be stronger than her. No spanking that just sends mixed messages. But I will tell you, commando parenting works… CONSISTENCY CONSISTENCY CONSISTENCY…she MUST know what is coming if she does A,B,C,… no surprises… you sit with her and you quietly inform her… no reacting to her. But one of those must be yiu can say anything you want, but you must say it with respect and if she doesn’t, then she should expect consequence xyz. When she comes home and finds her room EMPTY except for a mattress,pillow and blanket…she’ll start paying attention. Good luck. You got this mamma
time to task to her MD
Have a look at Maggie Dent, she’s brilliant at understanding children and has amazing ideas - good luck, 7 yos can be a trial
Have you tried the switch dance??
I would try positive reinforcement and reward her for doing something right. You may have to prompt her at first, or “bribe” her, but once she catches on, you wean off the reward.
I’d say its pretty common for the age. I know she seems young but my daughter has the early signs of puberty so I think hormones play a role in her mood swings. Try giving her less attention when she’s kicking off. Walk away and tell her to go calm down. Mine usually comes back and apologises when she realises she isn’t getting an angry reaction from me
Is she being bullied at school, or is she the bully at school please don’t get angry with me for asking sometimes it has to do with things happening around her. Are you a stay at home mum, or do you work she could be feeling very insecure about what’s happening around her. Has someone scared her.
She’s definitely in need of mental health services I know I’ve been in your shoes you blame yourself sometimes it’s not your fault.some children are just wired different.my son was like this he’d bite,head butt,scream kick punch he had me truly broken inside.gongdt help for her.irll be worth the appointment
Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
The main thing you can do is stay consistent with discipline!
Don’t give in no matter what mean things she says. She knows she can bite, kick, scream and get her way. I wouldn’t care if she swung from the ceiling, her little bottom would be beet red! She knows how to get to you! She’s made herself the boss. It’s a lot of work, but you can get through this. Consistency!!
This was my daughter! I eventually took her to the doctor when the school started having issues as well. She was diagnosed with odd and adhd. Luckily puberty made a huge difference. She’s 13 now and it’s much better!
Have you sat her down and speak to her and listen to see if there is something wrong that she can’t express to you
Look up 123 magic on YouTube. It works! Just takes time.
Pray because I am at the end of the rope with my almost 8 year old. I do all the same things as you and trying with positive reinforcements too it just doesn’t work
Therapy, she does sound like theres potentially some ADHD and or ODD in there as well as previously mentioned
Completely ignore her if she starts her tantrums, pretend as if you dnt see what is happening and talk out loudly that you wish you had a daughter who will listen to her mum and respecting her, stop competing with her, slowly but surely she will see her mistakes if there is no any other health condition…
Girl please do me! I have a story for u girl! Let me tell u one thing right now. You are the parent! WHOOP HER A$$ immediately and let her know she can go calm whoever and tell whoever bcuz they gonna come take her not u. They will take her to a foster home or wherever. And then u can live ur life stress free. These fkn kids these days are manipulative brats. Call the police on her. Deadass!!! Call them on her. Tell them hey look y’all government has given these kids the thought that they run shit so ima need y’all to come to my home and stand by while I discipline my child so u can see the abuse parents have to go thru! So fuck that kid she’s abusing u mentally so u call the cops on her and shit tell them to take her handcuff her and take her for a ride. Cuz these kids think it’s a game. They been taught at school and from tv that parents are not allowed to hit them or yell or cuss or tell them what to do! That’s the problem. So since the government has coached them to not mind parents then call the government on them! They wanna act grown let them see what being grown is like.
Take her to a pediatric neurologist and have her evaluated then into therapy. She has something going on that you can’t see.
My son was like this for a while. We would both be at peak frustration and nothing got accomplished. I started taking a calmer approach (it is NOT EASY lol) and it’s done wonders. Kids don’t know how to navigate their feelings. As the adult, you need to help them so it. Acknowledge her feelings and try and make her talk about why she’s so frustrated and make her feel safe. It takes a little bit but hopefully you’ll see a difference. Hope this helps. You got this, mama.
Take her to a therapist there could be more underlying issues.
My 8y old son has ADHD and ODD and this sounds JUST like my home. When he was 2,3,4 he would have a meltdown and would go way way off the deep end… I’ve fixed holes all over my house and he has definitely bruised me up… I completely feel the same way when he does it, like it was something I did wrong… but when their brains are overwhelmed and they can’t express it or understand why, it’s easiest to lash out uncontrollably. My son doesn’t bite me or hurt me purposefully anymore, we see a therapist 2x a month, and as long as I’m calm (although I will admit that is SO SO SO difficult) he can calm himself a little better. I have 3 kids so it’s not like I have all the time in the world to lay on the floor during his fits so sometimes I say to him that he and I need time out and unfortunately that’s when I have to carry him to his room kicking and screaming sometimes. But sometimes we aa adults can’t even communicate well when we have big feelings during these fits, so I take a few minutes until we are both ready to talk. I always say “it’s ok to feel angry/sad/mad. It’s NOT ok to hurt people.” I would connect with your family physician for behavioral issues, a child therapist could also prove so beneficial, and I’ll be sending your home peaceful vibes
I love how people jump to therapy, ADHD etc. sometimes good old fashioned parenting is what’s needed.
Positive reinforcement yes but not with money!!! My god.
My now 19 year old was the boldest child u ever met, but my ignoring the bold behavior and rewarding the good I had a new child within 2 weeks. It’s not easy, it is hard to do but it’s worth it. So when she had a tantrum, is calling you names you ignore her, leave the room if she follows just say in a calm clear voice, just once, “come back to me when ur able to talk”. When she calms down talk to her, loads of praise and cuddles for calming down and talking properly. It really does work. She may escalate for a day or so, if she does that’s actually a good sign, it shows it’s working and ur doing it right.
At the end of the day kids just want ur attention, if they’re getting more attention for bad behavior then that’s how they’ll be, if there’s more attention for good behavior, they’ll be good.
I learnt my mistakes with my first and I have 4 children. Tried and tested it definitely works
When my son gets defiant I show love instead of decipline and although it doesn’t always work that’s where I try to go. I seen something the other day that said to ask them, what is ur anger trying to tell u, what is it that u want/need and try n get them to express themselves using words
My three year old is this way, here I am hoping it’s a phase.
My 11 year old is the same way it’s a boy idk try parenting classes or like others said watch Supernanny
Have her screened for adhd/ add or any other type medical reason first. Then it has to be consistent parenting
The best advice in these comments are the ones saying get her to a doctor. Make an appointment and request referrals to a neurologist and a therapist.
This sounds like my daughter who possibly has odd.
Hitting solves nothing, ever.
All kids go through the phase of “I wish you weren’t my mom” when they realize there’s boundaries they can’t cross, and some will push those boundaries so hard, you wind up with a kid doing what yours is. Sometimes these kiddos need a little extra something, so maybe try sitting down and having a conversation. They’re still learning how to regulate their emotions. Talk it out.
Try therapy. Maybe talk to school and see if there’s anything going on. Etc.
Sounds like ODD may r some adhd general behavior issues that need attention. I would highly suggest contacting a therapist and getting her on a waitnlist for an appt.
There is obviously something wrong. I would get her in counseling asap. If you don’t already. She is definitely lashing out.
maybe its time for a mommy and me day…she is acting out for attention…ask her what is wrong and how you can go about fixing it…maybe (please dont take this wrong) “listen” to her…she is trying to tell you something she cant find the words for…<3 hope this helps…lmk
My daughter is the same way
Have you tried talking to her like a person and not like a kid? Some people unintentionally talk down to their kids as if they were “less”. Try asking her why she does this. There’s a reason for this behavior. It’s important to find out said reason. Try going on a mommy and me date. Ice cream and pottery painting is a great way to get her to open up to you. Good luck and I’m sorry this is happening
Honestly it sounds like ODD. My 9 ur old daughter has it. Please don’t spank her like others have said. That advice is horrible. Now when my daughter was younger that’s what I thought would teach her and let me tell u what it didn’t do jack! So I went a different route of parenting. I guess I’m more of a gentle parent. I just developed more patients for her ( I know it’s easier said than done) but when my daughter is acting a straight fool I take her to a quiet room and we talk. We talk about why she’s so upset and that calms her down super fast and then I do a giant bear hug. The pressure from a hug is really calming for kiddos like ours. When u do big hugs it presses certain pressure points and is very calming. So after we talk and we hug she’s sooo calm. Also therapy momma! She’s been in therapy for almost 2 years and her counselor is absolutely amazing! She’s taught her some awesome coping skills. And her counselor has taught me sooo much on how to parent her. I hope my advice helps:purple_heart: stay strong momma cuz our kids that are sooo hard headed can definitely push us to our breaking points. I would start with therapy and also look into
ODD. Hugs to u momma
I do agree she needs to see a Dr. but be aware she should be tested by a Child Psychiatrist to see if she has a disorder such as ADD or any other type disorder.
Make sure she feels loved and secure especially when she is not in trouble. It’ll help her to comprehend that when she is in trouble it doesn’t mean you don’t love her. Other than that… I got nothing. Maybe just a straight grounding long term. All summer. Stick inside or in your yard. No friends over, no electronics. And a chore that has to be done everyday before she is allowed to play outside.
Maybe there is something wrong. Maybe she’s just a dick. I would have her seen first to make sure and rule out anything wrong. I’m ADHD and so is my child and neither of us have EVER acted that way. If you can rule out everything else and know she’s just an a-hole, take literally everything away. Act like a jailbird, live like a jailbird. Actions have consequences and better she learn them now than later.
You need to get her into see a child psychiatrist before something bad happens
Ma’am…. You need to watch super nanny!! You are giving in too soon.
When she is at school, strip her whole room out so she only has her bed and dresser. Change the wifi password. Take all charging cords away from her.
Designate a time out chair or a time out ROOM, it cannot be her bedroom. You will go absolutely INSANE sticking to this… trust me!
You make clear rules and set up a reward system. Give her chores, if you haven’t, now is the time to start. She is old enough to help out! She can vacuum. Empty bathroom trash. Dust. Feed pets. Etc. give her simple things she can accomplish for small rewards. If she finishes her chores she gets to pick any appropriate movie and have some quiet time after dinner. Put her on a STRICT routine. Up at a certain time, breakfast, wash face and brush teeth, dressed and out the door for school. Then after school it’s snack and homework time, chores, help mommy do dinner, then eat, bath time, movie/show. Make a bedtime routine and STICK TO IT! Sit and read to her. TV goes off a half hour before bed. No TV in her room.
If she kicks off with her sassy mouth and back talks… have clear rules written in plain site and you get on her level and you say “you disobeyed the rules, you are back talking and not listening… you get 7 minutes in the naughty room/chair”. And PUT HER THERE. She gets up, you put her back. It could take 890865 times but she WILL eventually sit. If you choose a small extra room designated JUST as a time out/ reflection room, she just has to stay in there. The door opens, you start her time over. Once the full time out is done, you get on her level and you say “you were put in time out because you didn’t listen to mommy and you back talked.” And she is to apologize, hug, then either do what she was told or go play. It will bring you almost tears. It takes rime
Do what most parents would do get her therapy