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QUESTION:
"My brother, who is 16, is completely out of control. He refuses to go to school, which has ended with my mom in truancy court. He harasses my mom until she gives him so much money that she can’t pay bills, won’t keep a job, threatens to harm himself or others when he doesn’t get his way, alcohol and drug use, violent outbursts that have resulted in holes in walls, etc. He has a 22-year-old girlfriend that we can’t keep him away from, even with threatening a restraining order. He refuses to take responsibility for his actions; everything is always somebody else’s fault. I’m moved out and on my own, but my mom and little sister are still in the house dealing with this everyday. My mom had cancer and has had multiple surgeries, so she’s been sick, and she was so mentally drained that she just did what he wanted so she could rest. I think she’s hesitant to do anything because it’s her son, but she can’t keep living like this. She couldn’t even go to the hospital for surgery without him causing problems, calling and screaming at her, turning her house into a hangout for a bunch of people, having violent outbursts on my aunt and me. My mom is home now trying to recover from her last surgery, and he has so little respect that he has at least five people there every day, smoking and acting like fools, making messes. None of her family can go by to help; I won’t take her granddaughter over because it’s always something. I really could go on for days, but my question is… What could I do? Legally or just in general? Or what could my mom do that I could help her with? She’s so mentally drained trying to deal with this and be sick; I’m worried about her."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"The 22 yr old is a child predator…contact the police"
"Have the Police come to the home to have a serious chat with him. In no way should his mother give into his demands. He’s still a child. He can always be placed in Juvenile detention for a few months."
"Press rape charges on the 22 year old"
"Military school or bootcamp/boarding school. It’s still exists"
"He needs to be evaled by psych and put in rehab and therapy. Girlfriend needs to go to jail, she’s a friggin child predator —call social services, call your state police."
"Sounds like an outlet for a lot of trauma. Possibly bipolar or mentally unstable. I would emancipate and evict. But one could say he needs therapy."
"Also the truancy fines can be put in his name at 16 she just needs to tell the school or court"
"Either put him in a mental hospital for kids or send him to a boot camp. Also get him into therapy."
"well first things first the child predator he is “dating” needs to be reported to police ASAP and charged. Then he needs some serious therapy and ideally an in-patient rehab facility where he can also get treatment but I know those can be hard to afford for many in the US but she is not doing him any favors by not doing anything and just allowing him to continue on this path. If he threatens to harm himself then you should be able to at least get him admitted for a psych eval and then go from there but he needs some serious help and with having people over like that and smoking when your mother is trying to recover and dealing with cancer can literally kill her."
"I think you know what needs to be done. He needs to go to rehab. Your mom needs to call the police before someone calls CPS and your little sister is removed because of unsafe living conditions. Charges need to be pressed against this 22 year old predator. I think you know all of this but we’re hoping for a work around. Sadly there isn’t one, he’s playing big boy games with big boy consequences. The only thing to do is make sure he faces them before your mother and sister suffer."
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