What can I do about this situation with my daughter?

She’s using that baby

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She’s using your love for her and the baby against you. Even if she doesn’t see it that way. You could see the baby at times when she isn’t working but your actually trying to help her and babysit. If you don’t babysit who will? Will it be for free? She needs to take a step back at what it would be like with out you.

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Let her hv her rules, her problems and her baby!!!

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The one thing I find hilarious is “I’m not putting it on bread” “waffles are for breakfast and bread for lunch” …wonder where the daughter gets it from…

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She’s acting like a spoiled brat, she needs you to watch baby therefor she should be trying to work something out that accommodates you as long as you are being reasonable.

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It sounds like your daughter is very selfish and ungrateful. If I lived near my mom and she was doing me a favor I would most definitely accommodate to her as well. Your only enabling her letting her act this way and always giving in.

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Ok so this is how I see it When it comes to feeding what to eat and what not it’s her child you should respect that I use to hate when my mil would feed my son certain stuff and gave him soda so yes you should respect that… about the traveling I think she should bend some you are doing her a favor if she can’t make the effort to travel to you a couple times to drop and pick her child up then I would nicely tell her she can find someone else and you will just be Grandma just cause you are grandma does not mean you are also free babysitter you have raised you child so she can either do 50/50 or pay someone to watch said child… :heart::yellow_heart::green_heart:

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Well child care is not cheap I have 4 childern and one on the way my last as I’m getting my tubes tied but if you was my mom and helping out I would be willing to meet you half way on things cause child care expenses are out the roof best of luck in whatever you decide is the best option for you

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If she has to put her child in daycare she couldn’t regulate what they eat unless it’s an allergy and the my child my rules go out the window. As far as the drive she would have to fill up my tank and it would be every other week.

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You are NOT in the wrong! She’s turned the tables on you, and now thinks she can call the shots because she knows you want to see the baby. Tell her if what you offered to do isn’t enough, then she needs to put the baby in daycare, and stick to your guns! When she finds out the price of daycare, she will change her mind. And even more importantly, she knows that nobody will take as good of care for her baby than you! She knows she can trust you to take good care of him! I bet it won’t be long before she changes her mind! She’s spoiled rotten, and it’s time she grew up. If you’re good enough to babysit, she should help accommodate you!

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let her pay for childcare where she has to completely pay for everything, drop off and pick up, and most likely supply her own snacks…
shell get a wake up call

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She’s seems spoiled and entitled.

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If you can’t see me I can’t see you think!

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As sad as it is, it’s her child, she gets to call the shots.

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Is sad for me reading stuff like this.I really wish my mom and I have a better relationship but she don’t worry about me,she worries about my daughter for sure but she will not do nothing for help me.She is being ungrateful I hope she sees that.

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You are good enough to watch your grandson so she can be good enough to bring him to your place

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“I have no choice”? Yes, you do have a choice. Don’t drive, don’t go pick him up. SHE’S the one who’s got to make the choice. Free, loving childcare vs paying a bloody fortune to someone who could give a sh*t. It might take a few weeks, but I guarantee she’ll realize how lucky she is!!

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Wow!! She sounds entitled!! Her rules her baby her house her job!! So let her fall on her face!! Let her pay daycare etc…she is the one making all the decisions and your doing this at.your cost! I watch my grands and they are brought to.me I dont go.to them!!

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You’re in the wrong. Tell her she’s the one who needs the favor so she has to adapt to your possibilities.

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If she wants you to watch the baby she os gonna need to bring baby to you. You’re enabling her behavior and she knows she can get away with it because you allow ot

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She sounds entitled asf. Let her make it on her own. Hopefully she’ll learn appreciate you before it’s too late.

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With a young kid and working, she probably simply doesn’t have the time to drive 1-1.5 hours there and back, then come home to make dinner, clean up, do bedtime routine, etc. Yes you are doing a favour of providing free childcare, but she could also be paying someone who would either care for the child in her home, or drop them off at a centre that’s closer and more convenient and then you wouldn’t have that quality time spent with your grandchild. It’s her first child too, so she will be a little strict with rules, but no matter how silly you think they are, she’s the parent now.

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She sounds ungrateful AF :thinking:

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Step back. Let her experience paying for childcare, let alone finding quality daycare. She’ll have to take & pick up on their schedule. I didn’t realize how fortunate I was w my mom helping me until I tried doing it on my own.

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Ask her flat out why she can’t compromise with you on this

Sounds like she’s very ungrateful and things the world turns around her. She’s not being very adult like. :person_shrugging:

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So how much is she paying you to drive 45 mins each way, watch the child and help her?

I would tell her she needs to work with you a bit or find someone else to help and you will just come by on weekends

Childcare would be something she hated if she is that strict

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You can say grandparent can get grandparent right and if she refuses Contact you can get a court order to go around that :ok_hand:t2:

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Stop helping her and see how fast she feels that kick in the @ss

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It should have been discussed before hand who would drive where. If you can’t make the drive she can look into daycare and ridiculous prices to drive to and from daycare and the daycare costs. You can’t control others and I’m sorry she’s putting you in a position to have to choose. If you can’t afford to drive there then let her know and she can pay for daycare

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Make her pay a sitter for a while, she will appreciate you then

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she needs to relax…esp with todays gas prices…what she is asking is way too much…waffles and pb sounds great…she should just be glad that you care enough to make sure he eats…smdh

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Her child her rules so let her hire a sitter and have that control. Why should you have to drive to her house if she is coming your way? She’s FOS

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Don’t watch the baby and let her pay for daycare. She’ll realize real fast how good she has it.

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Someone is being very selfish…They should appreciate the helping hand during the trial period.
I guess I’m not as liberal
Come pick up your kid…I’m busy with my life…:sunglasses:

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I’d say to myself, I have already raised a family, I’m not doing it again, since she’s inconsiderate. It’s her child. You raised your one child as YOU saw fit, let her do the same. I’m not allowing no child to tell me how things, that are concerning my life should be done. Her child, let her take care of him

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Anytime anyone has babysat for me at their house, I took my kids to them unless otherwise arranged. She really should be dropping him off to you, or working with you in that aspect. Smh. I agree with others, let her figure it all out.

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We’ll simply tell her it’s not working for you and give her two weeks or however long you think is fair to arrange other child care.

Personally I think its easier to babysit in the child’s home rather than carry everything needed to someone else’s not to mention the cleaning products /sprays etc used by others that she may not use herself and child safety issues like cots , baby gates, plug covers , high chairs …
Advice has changed so much since I had my children that I’m happy to follow mums rules for my grandchildren rather than do something now considered a risk.
Its only for 3 months…She’ll have childproofed her home and have all baby needs plus what she considers appropriate food /snacks/ drinks already in place . Rather than upset baby id go there and follow her lead…jmo

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Her kid, her rules. Tell her good luck with the new sitter and leave her to figure it out.

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Your daughter needs a lesson , I agree with the fact that you should respect her rules and parenting style even if you find them silly or stupid , but for the rest she is absolutely in the wrong, you should step back and let her do it herself, do call or text , Wait for her to do it because I can assure that she will .
Child care is ridiculously expensive and not too many places or people to trust .
So , just wait … patiently, and when she calls you for help you get to set the rules

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Tell her just how you feel see if that helps any!!!

Hows about you have a grown up conversation with her?

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Ok she pays for gas !!!

Daughter sounds like a self entitled Brat.
After she hears “no, I can’t do that” Several times,
She’ll change her mind

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Her child her rules
If she’s not paying you right ask her for payment

Wow… she sounds very spoiled and entitled.

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It is her child not yours maybe if you stop helping she may ease up a bit

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Although I totally get your frustration, you’re right, there’s nothing you can do. It’s her child, so her rules. If you don’t like them, stick to being a grandma instead of a babysitter.

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I would simply tell her that the cost of gas is going to prevent you from helping 3 days a week. Offer to help just once a week so you can maintain a relationship with the grandchild. If she throws a fit over you not being able to them that shows you doesn’t care about you. I’m all for mom & dads rules but when someone is helping you out & it’s not costing you a cent but causing issues for the helper your just taking advantage.

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She’s a spoiled ungrateful brat at her age! Put your foot down !

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Her child her rules.
You say you offered to watch the child so travel should have been discussed. When she gets home from work she probably wants to spend time with the baby and get ready for bed, not be driving an extra 30-45 minutes.
If you can’t do it, don’t. But don’t offer and then moan :woman_shrugging:t2:

Also you need to respect the way she feeds her child

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It sounds like some others things, with your all’s relationship, are coming into factor for her to set those boundaries

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It’s her kid not yours. :woman_shrugging:

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I think it’s time to tell her that you love watching the baby, but having to do the babysitting all at her house isn’t fair because you can’t get your own work done. Tell her you will pick the baby up from her work three days a week, and when she gets off work, she can pick him up from your house. That way your husband can watch him while you do your housework. Or you can do it while he naps. Otherwise, she’ll have to get daycare and you will come see the baby on weekends.

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Girl, it appears you have always jumped through hoops and let her have her way so now you’re adding the grandchild and jumping through hoops to see him and babysitting you need to wake up and give your bratty daughter a wake-up call.

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Her child, her rules. Also, her house is already set up and baby proofed, toys are there, bed is there, everything is there. Is yours? Maybe she’s not comfortable having you watch the baby in your home and that’s why she insists on you watching the baby at hers. I would agree that some help with gas at the very least would be a good compromise.

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Hmmm…i was driving an hour and half a day to drop off my son and pick him up from my moms house. She watched him for free. Im happy to drive that far/that long for free/ safe babysitter. I also end up moving closer to my mom because i got tried of driving so much. Long story short. I moved, i drove, i didnt ask or tell my mom to do anything because she was doing this all for FREE!

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This is your daughter? She needs a wake up call!

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You brought her up. Has she always had her own way? It’s time she learns to not always have her own way. If she wants you to babysit, she needs to bring baby to you. She would have to take them to any other sitter or daycare. I would not let her tell me what to do with the baby if your buying the food. She should pay you something. She needs a wake up call.

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Tell her to get a babysitter, watch the little SNOT change her ways!!!

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Her child her rules. You offered your time to watch your grandchild. Her house has everything she needs for her child. You can’t offer your time then demand it to be a certain way. After working all day I’m sure she doesn’t want to do the 45 minutes drive home then wrangle a grumpy baby.

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Her child her rules. It’s that simple tbh

She might chill once she realizes how much childcare costs

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With the price of gas I would be asking her to pay for the gas so she expects you to drive out to her house everyday to pick up your grandson and drive back home with him. She’s lucky she has free daycare

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When my grandchildren are in my home, they follow my rules. My sons are fine with it being that they were raised under the same rules.

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Let her pay for child care, if she has that many control issues, take it to court and get your visits, but I wouldn’t keep going out of my way to deal with someone who is ungrateful, thinks she is owed, it may be her child, she may want things done her way, but if she can’t compromise, then let her pay for everything on her own. Child care is expensive, gas is expensive, let her do it all.

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Why not pull back 4 weeks & see if she even notices?

If not, well… maybe she didn’t want your help after all?

If so, good ground to talk about future expectations from both sides :mending_heart:

Don’t forget to live your life, just cause you spent it so long on your only child :face_with_peeking_eye:

Give her some space & find a new reason for existence :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::heart::kissing_heart:

All you can do is express how you feel and be open.
Her house already has everything for baby, which makes it so so so much easier.

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Let her find out how much daycare cost. I’m sure she’ll change her tone real quick.

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Her Kid, Her Rules. Not you or anyone in this group gets to decide what she does with her child. The thing you can control is your own reactions. If you can’t drive out there, don’t. Let her figure it out.

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Her child, her rules. No matter how ridiculous. She doesn’t owe you her child lol. If you want to spend time w him, then do it.

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I think it’s important to also remember this is a baby she is talking about. His home has all of his stuff. Crib, swing, changing pad, etc. It can be hard to cart stuff back and forth or disrupt a baby’s schedule. I personally have four kids and when they are little they are watched at my home. If grandma doesn’t want to do the drive then mom can hire a nanny or find alternative childcare. People are on here saying that like she can’t. I didn’t read where grandma said mom needs her to watch baby for free. People are assuming mom can’t afford or prefer to do so.

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My brother was like this with my mom. Always a 1 way street. My mom finally got sick of it. Sadly my son is the only grandchild who she knew.

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My mother offered to watch my kids too she always said YOU need a sitter I DO NOT so its your responsibility to bring him to me not the other way around and I lived literally 2 miles away from her and has wasn’t nearly as steep as it is now

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You don’t really get to say anything to her. It’s her child. Respect her wishes and her preferences, it is her child. Be grateful you have a place in your one grandsons life and do as she’s asks, it’s her child.

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Ungrateful Much? I would be so thankful and appreciative of my mom or dad’s help!
The way it sounds, it’s her first child and she’s picky. I understand that but once you hit that 2nd or 3rd child things tend to ease up a bit.
My advice would offer your help, only to what is good for you. The reason i say that, is fuel is expensive right now and so is childcare. You are being more than giving in my opinion. There is a common ground, if she cant meet you in the middle somewhere then let her try a different route and maybe visit the child and her in the weekends? Good luck and prayers to her opening her eyes that she is very lucky to have you!

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She seem like a spoiled brat who doesn’t appreciate you! I wouldn’t be driving out the 3 days a week for her convenience. I’d drive there on the weekends to see my grandchild though. If she can’t compromise for driving especially with gas prices that’s her problem not yours. A little reality of adult hood and having to figure things out on her own and pay for child care. Might open her eyes a little bit.

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She does not sound like she appreciates what you are doing.

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Shame on her. It’s her problem not yours. You’re trying to help. I watch my grandson and my daughter goes out of her way to drop him off and pick him up. Make her do the running. She needs you more now than you need her.

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It’s jer child. And I hate when grandparents don’t listen to thier children and feel they are entitled to thier grandchildren. It’s not the case I’m sorry. You did offer and asked. She gave you her answer and you don’t like it. That’s what it boils down too. Rather only grandchild or not. It’s HER CHILD. had to tell my ex m.i.l. this. They are MY CHILDREN I’m sorry. Just bc you buy them gifts ans etc. That I don’t ask for does not NOT mean you can tell me how to parent or judge the way I do. I’m sorry. That’s not how real life works.

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I would express that you are not only saving her money by not sending him to a child care facility but that she also gets the peace of mind knowing he is with a trusted family member rather than a stranger at daycare. There needs to be a compromise. But Ultimately she should be incredibly grateful for you offering your time.

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Tell her your rules/willingness if she cant abide by those she’ll have to give up the job; does she not realise what she is asking of you? tell her to stop being a brat

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She could meet u half way atleast considering ur helping her out big time people may say her child her rules but if this woman was to take her child to daycare they would want u to bring the child to them

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She should at the very least pay for the gas .

You can say “I quit”. She doesn’t know how lucky she is. And I love peanut butter on waffles.

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You’re not in the wrong. And coming from someone who is so blessed to have her parents not only nearby, but young and healthy enough to be on call whenever I need them, she doesnt realize how good shes got it. I hope she gives a little soon. Life is too short to be so strong-headed.

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You raised and spoiled her!

You raised her, and now you don’t like the job you did.

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Like others are saying, her kid her rules. Doesn’t matter how crazy you think they are. I do agree she should compromise on pickup/drop off. Maybe pick up and drop off at her office or not at all. Grandparents rights don’t really exist unless the child is in harm so best is to talk to her and communicate your feelings. Her house has everything and easier yes. I assume there is a lot more going on in your relationship with your daughter for this to be an issue.

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If I treated my mom like that she straight up wouldn’t help me. Just something to think about. Maybe she would like to pay for childcare instead

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let her put the baby in daycare it won’t last long with the way you say she behaves and in the end she will appreciate you and learn that it’s not so hard to adjust a tad.

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If I were u I would be thankful u are apart of this baby’s life my parents haven’t even met my youngest he 7 months old my oldest asked me why grandma and boo don’t like him he’s 2. They never check in or ask about my kids let alone claim them as their grandkids. If I want them in our lives I have to make sacrifices to go to their home and for them to not talk to any of us or be present. They also ended up with a 3rd grandbaby my niece who is 3 months older than my youngest my brother says they see her a few times a month but not regularly like his mom and step-dad

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Difficult but I’d Go with the flow she sounds very stressed and not good for the little one to be in a crossfire.

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Your doing her a favour she should work round you, my mum looks after my daughters while i go to work and I work round her because she’s doing me a favour

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Ummm you don’t know the reasoning for her way of wanting to feed the baby, it’s her child not yours. And she may want you to come over bc it’s more things for the baby to entertain and the food is there things already handy. She could offer gas though since your going all the way there to help you out.

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It seems as though she’s getting a little too big for her britches

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Wow.

Well, I can see both sides. I’m a grandmother of 6.

When our kids were young, we didn’t have family to help with babysitting & daycare. As a mom, I was freaked out about taking our first born to a daycare. I asked my best friend, who is like a sister to me, to babysit him. I took him to her house every morning, just as I would have done if he had been going to daycare. I didn’t expect her to come to my home. But the circumstances were different. She wasn’t working, and she had her own 2 children (who were in elementary school at the time) to care for. We worked out the details of our arrangement ahead of time … drop off time, pick up time, supplies that might be needed, salary, etc. - and she explained to me that she would only want to watch him for the first year. I paid her, just as I would have paid a daycare. I did not want her to feel like I was taking advantage of her, and I wanted her to know how much I appreciated her.

Here’s the thing … there was a daycare not a block from my house. My best friend lived about 20 minutes to a half hour in the opposite direction of my work. For me, it was worth driving that much more to know that my son was receiving the best possible care I could provide for him. She was not only my best friend, but my kids grew up knowing her & her husband as “aunt & uncle” … which, as grown men, to this day, they still call them that. They are family to us.

So, I can see your side when wanting her to bring the child to you.

If she didn’t have family or friends to rely on, she would be faced with using daycare … and they don’t do “in home” service. Or she might be able to find a babysitter willing to come to her home … but seriously, I wouldn’t trust anyone who wasn’t family to come and stay in my home with my children. All of your valuables, including the most important ones (your children), are not worth the risk of hiring someone you do not know. That’s just my opinion.

But I can see her side, too. She’s had her child in her home, caring for him. She’s only going to be in training for three months, and then she will be continuing to care for him in her home. All of his supplies & toys, and her preferred foods for him, are in her home. It’s a familiar environment for him. He can stay in his routine & on his regular schedule without the disruption if traveling to & fro every day … or 3 days a week. Does the father in law come to her home on the other days of the week?

Her situation is different, and so is yours. I’m guessing you don’t have other children in your home that you take care of. It’s not for an extended period of time … it’s 3 months, 3 days a week. Yes, it’s a distance for you to drive … talk with her about compensating you for your time, and your expense.

The bottom line should be what is best for the child, and providing the best possible care for him. As a grandparent, cherish the time you can spend with your grandson. Know that you are doing what is best for him.

Once he’s a little older, I would suggest finding a great daycare for him, so that he can develop his social skills & be more prepared for school. For now, though, I would talk with your daughter, and work out a compromise that works for both of you.

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You volunteered to babysit so why are you mad she wants you at her house where ALL the babies things are? If she doesnt want you feeding HER child something then DONT! This is HER child so therefore HER rules NOT YOURS! For some reason grandparents seem to think you don’t have to listen to the parents about their child! :rage::person_facepalming:

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Start charging her for daycare or gas then not sure why you can’t just meet her at work and grab him from there . She should be willing to work with you more. Sometimes you gotta let them figure it out in there own. Maybe she should pay the price of a real daycare provider. However at least you can see you grand child some of is don’t get that lucky.

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