My husband and I have been together for five years. Married for three and have one child together, I have a child from my previous, and he has three from his ex-wife. From the beginning, we have had issue with his ex. Recently my step-son (he’s 10) told his mom that every time he asks to go back to his moms, my son and husband give him crap about it, which is not true. My stepson will have a responsibility like schoolwork or a daily duty and not want to do it, so he uses his mothers as a scapegoat. Obviously we wouldn’t keep him from his mom considering 1) she’s his mom and 2) they have a court order (even though they never follow it). Long story short, this woman has called CPS on us three times, and the case has been closed every single time because we are good parents and take more than good care of our children. The other day while switching the music station on his phone and a text popped up. I know I shouldn’t pry but she stated that my son and my husband give him crap about going back to his moms and then she proceeded to threaten my husband with losing parenting time and that she was going to call cps AGAIN. I’m starting to get irritated with my husband because I feel like he hasn’t really stood up for us. CPS isn’t exactly the best organization and its traumatizing for kids who have to be interviewed especially when they know they have a good home. I guess my question is what should I do about this whole situation. I love my husband but I can’t keep dealing with this drama. Especially when CPS is continually showing up. It wastes everyone’s time in this situation and I’m over it! Help please!
Can you go to the police with that phone where you found the text messages
or you might have to hire an attorney
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. I have a very similar situation myself, but so far it hasn’t progressed past the constant threats to call dcf. There must be some way to report an abuse of the system. Keep any and all text messages as proof.
Idk what state ur in but sometimes u can get the person of harassing and false allegations my fiancee baby mama did false allegations on my fiancee she almost got in trouble for it. She was doin it cuz CPS gave us his son cuz he was being abused and touched then she got him back which was a dumb idea he kept coming to us telling his dad that he gets hit and touched. I would see bout getting her for harassing and false allegations.
She’s called 3 times and they were all false accusations? You can press charges for harassment.
I’d talk to your step son. Ask why he feels like thats what is happening to him and maybe try watching closer. You may have a bias opinion about what your son is doing and it might truly be bothering your step son.
Are you guys accusing him of only asking for mom when he has chores to do? Is that making him feel left out and ganged up on?
False reports to CPS is a chargeable offense, file charges on her at the police station with all your records.
Call CPS yourself and show them the text. That is not a valid reason to call CPS. They are overworked and shorthanded many times and need to be able to concentrate on the needs of the children who do need help. This is not a game. Shame on her grow up if this upsetting to ypur son everyone needs to sit down and come up with a plausible answer. Maybe let him know that he will not get around expectations by pulling the I want to go home card. I am baffled as to what your sons involvement is in this. This is a problem to be dealt with by the parents and the stepson. Your son has no say in your stepsons actions!
Uh no you can’t press charges for harassment, bcus she can say she’s genuinely concerned and you have to prove her intent was malicious. She can call cps as many times and they will always investigate. CPS is the ones who has to say she’s harassing you. The cops may talk to her, but being able to press any kind of charges is unlikely. Your boyfriend can talk to her till he’s blue in the face, but unless she listens it won’t matter. Unfortunately like a lot of other women you have a High conflict BM to deal with and ignoring her is your best bet.
This is a difficult situation. What do you expect your husband to do in this situation to stand up for you guys? Do you want him to just give her exactly what she wants so your life is easier? Which I am guessing would mean less time with his son. I know that CPS is traumatizing but they have a job to do. Your step son is 10, he is going between both households and that is a lot to process. How old is your son? Is it possible that he is saying something to your step son that bothers him? I think you need to sit down calmly with your husband and explain your feelings and expectations. If it is possible sit down with his ex as well and tell her point blank what is expected of her son while at you and your husbands home.
Run it’s not worth it
Sounds like you all need to go to family court.
Establish a visitation order that will be actually followed.
Whose phone was she texting? Your husband’s or your stepson’s?
I don’t know how much privacy you give your children on devices, but if this was the son’s phone, it was an invasion of privacy.
All these false reports to CPS should be handled as well.
Whenever you can solve this please let me know.
I believe its a felony to call CPS on fake allegations… Hire an attorney if all else fails, and see what you can do… Sorry you and your family are in this situation… Sad for the kids!
I would say first talk to your husband. Talk to your son to see if he is saying anything to the stepson. Y’all to the stepson & ask him what his father & brother are saying that’s bothering him. What are the allegations against y’all that she’s reporting to CPS? Talk to the Ex & ask her what does she expect y’all to do when he doesn’t want to follow your rules. What does she do when he doesn’t follow her rules? Explain to your son why CPS is questioning him (don’t mention the stepbrother) just that they are trying to make sure he is in a safe & loving home. I would consult with an attorney about the whole situation. If the stepson is texting/calling her to complain while with y’all, maybe the phone should be confiscated when he arrives & returned when he leaves. Good luck with everything!
Document EVERYTHING. including time he arrives time he leaves for his visit etc.this is upsetting to YOUR family. It is harassment
Keep those texts of her threatening to call CPS. When she does show them in the context of the conservation. Then ask to have an investigation into her using public authorities as a threat to get what she wants.
Totally different senario but I had 2 “friends” who would beg me to do things (watch their kids, take them shopping & buy their food, do their laundry at a laundry mat etc). They then took turns calling CPS with false accusations. If I refused to do their laundry they’d claim I never wash my kids clothes. If I refused to buy their groceries stating I can’t afford to they’d say I can’t afford to feed my kids etc. I showed the CPS person the text conservation every time. Soon an investigation was made on 1 of them. She lost her kids. The other 1 called on me because she was angry that I got her kids taken (I never made a claim against her except for falsely calling on me). They investigated her & her daughter was given to her bf mom. CPS isn’t for manipulation they don’t take kindly to it.
You can press charges for false reports that are being done repeatedly. Keep the threatening text. Tell them what is going on with the ex when they do show up they will stop taking the calls from her. They have actually flipped custody in multiple cases in Oregon do to one parent or another using dhs to get what they want. She’s using things as pawns and kids know how to play parents to get what they want
Your husband would have to take it to court…that’s honestly your best bet. Screenshot the text messages and print them out and submit them to a lawyer.
Press charges, theyre false.
Plus there’s already an order and you both are married youre included
She’s threatening the other of the court, already is a violation. She doesn’t have thay say
You guys need to sit with all the kids and dad
And you need to talk to your husband. Not sure if you’re vocal about it.
But it has to be handled with care with 3 families involved. Its not easy, its difficult. Take the messages and screen shots, everything and get back in court.
Hes 10, you can go through his phone
But go to court, its not working
Take that threat to court and CPS.
Sue 4 deflimation character I believe it’s called Should shut her for awhile and might have that name wrong u should be able find it gl
Report her ass to CPS for false reports and talk to ur husband about how he can put a stop to it
He should contact an attorney. He may have a case for parental alienation. If she is continuing to cause problems that are not really problems. The catch is he needs to have alot of documentation. If you don’t want to get an attorney involved sit down and talk with him, see if all of you can sit down and talk together. Your stepson could seriously be trying to play everyone to cause problems. If this is the case he may need to talk to someone to get to the root of the problem. There are a ton of options his father has. But in the end only he can do something. You can bring up your concerns and feelings, what your husband does with that information is up to him. I encourage you to talk to him and make sure to encourage him not to send hurtful or hateful messages to his ex.
You need some soild proof. Her text messages and take her ass to court. The judge will NOT Like her false accusations and tell her if she dont stop her parenting time will be terminated… this Is what happen with a gf with this issue. I have 6 closed calls on me from my x and waiting trail to open up everything and hopefully he gets a warning or more he has forced our child to make lies on video which she said was lies and she was forced… and we wait
Threaten her back with harassment lawsuit
Take a picture of the message and when cps turn up show it all.
He’s 10 and his phone can be checked by his dad. Proberly time it was considering
Call CPS on her on her visits and a wellness check and show her what y’all going through
Does she give reasons for calling when threatening? If they are vindictive then you can file a harassment suit with her and also need to show cps when they are called to get involved. Other than that, there’s not much you can do. As far as taking away time, if there is a court order you can file with the court for breaking court order. You can file for full custody or even joint custody. If none of those are routes you want to take and you are serious about not dealing with this then you should step away from the situation. There are more than just you and your husband who will be affected by that and you don’t want to drag that out and make it worse on the kids. Also keep in mind that just because she says she heard from the child does not mean the child actually told her that. She could be twisting words or stories or point blank just making it up. I would have a calm discussion with your stepson and ask if that was said and if so why he feels that way. If he did say that then there may be a misunderstanding on his part or a needed change in behavior towards him.
Screen shot those text messages and modify custody…make her prove she is okay to call CPS in front of a judge but her texting him while he is with you can be seen as parental alienation as well as harassment and possible contempt. It can be seen as manipulation to cut visitation short and impede on parent child relationship. Seriously I would file for contempt and parental alienation
Honestly, I have been through this and there is nothing. The step son is going to say things like that because he feels it is making her happy. He is trying to please her. CPS has every record of her calling and them coming out. They will eventually flag her and her calls will mean nothing. It will cause alot of problems between you and your husband if you let it but your husband is in a very hard place and anything he says will not help. You are frustrated because of the stress it brings to your family. I would definitely let the step son know that his behavior is not going to be tolerated and it never will be ok. Remember he is a product of his environment and if he is in a toxic environment he will learn that and it will be like that forever BUT protect your family and stand up for your family.
She is emotionally blackmailing you guys. Let her threaten… She has no power to deny him his court ordered time. Only a judge can. Quit participating. Tell her that is not true. Ask the son why he’d say that and let her brew in her own bitterness
Try talking to her and explain what the issue is, she should have common respect to make sure his tasks are done before they leave. I would also explain that the constant cps calls are damaging to the kids and if she calls again without an actual reason you will have to file a harassment complaint.
I had this with my ex husband. He use to call CPS on me when my kids wouldn’t want to see him. I welcomed CPS in my home and allowed them to sit down and talk directly with my kids without me being in the room. The kids told the truth to the CPS worker. My daughter was around 5 and my son 3. My daughter said if you make me go I will not. CPS worker reported this to court system and we had a court date. Visitation was changed and my ex husband got a warning from the judge that if he calls CPS again the penalty will be huge and possible jail time. He never called CPS again. My daughter did this on her own. I know it’s hard but this will work out.
Stop treating the mother like an enemy. She may be driving you crazy but she is standing up for her child that she truly believes is being mistreated. Be adults about it. Ask her to sit down with you and your husband and the child so you can talk about everything. The blame game helps no one and the sad fact is that both her and your husband are failing to coparent their child.
For one cps is not stupid. They have record’s everything. But have to respond to every call. Talk to case worker assigned to your case. And when this keeps happening ask what can be done about this harassment. Trying get through to mom or child seems to be a lost cause
Some people love DRAMA.Parents don’t get it.The ones who they hurt the most is the kids.All I can say is don’t play into it.Eventually people will see who the problem is.Until then just grit your teeth and hold on.
I’d get my kids and my stuff and leave. The games people play. May be divorced but doesn’t necessarily mean it’s really over. Especially when he’s not taking up for you and putting a stop to it. Just my opinion, seen it before.
Your husband is in a very tight spot. I’m sure he doesn’t like this anymore than you do. But I don’t see that you can avoid it. This is an issue with the 10 year old. Seek counciling. Don’t give up. These kids will grow up.
Sorry to say this probably will not end until the kids get out on their own or you have no more direct contact with the mother. The boy’s mother can put him on a big guilt trip which keeps him stirring the pot in favor of his mother. It is not his fault he is a child he is not aware of how to deal with the situation. The father probably will never stand up to her she has brow beating him until he no wonder longer once conflict with her. I doubt if she will sit down with you to talk and if she does it probably will not resolve anything because she can talk faster and louder than you can.Let your husband deal with her because any input that you have will not be appreciated and will only make the matters worse. Even though it is difficult to let him do that since he is not wanting confrontation and is not wanting to deal with her. As you can see been there done that nothing was ever resolved was tired of the family being in constant duress so took my children and left.
Time to get some legal advice. There are things that can protect you and the kids from this harassment. Also may need to get some therapy for the kids.
I wouldn’t tolerate that, my husband wouldn’t either. Can’t say what he would do but I know he has postponed seeing his daughter over drama. Women need to understand that men are only human and no one would tolerate that. He needs to put everyone in their place.
Just see his sorry behind on the weekends ONLY…Since Mon Thru Fri are E Learning days or reg school going on …He can’t come on the weekend unless his homework is done…This way all that lands on his Mommy’s lap…not yours or your husbands. Plus u n your own family dont need the drama. Hell I’m sorry but I’d be the one to say…Go n have lunch or dinner or a movie with him…n take him back home…Since he wants to start crap.
Your stepson is playing your family. It’s simple, he wants to live with his mother, send him. Do it legally thru the courts and let him go. It would remove the stress he’s bringing, and believe me, he knows exactly what he’s doing. Time to man up, put your adult pants on, and present a united front to this young man, He’ll learn very quickly!
Can the 3 adults sit down & talk & then bring in child & let him know this behavior will not be tolerated any longer
Document and file for full custody on parental alienation. Get the boy into therapy and also look into using a government agency to harass you
If the step son does not want to be there don’t make him. Maybe less time spent he’ll appreciate the time spent more
Until the kid stop playing dad against mom he wouldn’t be coming over
Blended families are hard on children. If you were the real mother would you treat tje the child differently? Let the child go with the mother, that is whete he wants to be.
Cps never does anything to person who keeps calling. Law need change on this…
Call cps on her 3 different times and see how she likes it! She may see just how it feels and quit calling them.
Document. File custody papers and document some more for mental abuse
Do not take it out on your husband. If he gets into it with his ex things will only be worse.
He is just immature… and confused. Be sure to document everything.
Can you fill charges for her lying to cps?
Meet with all family members and get the truth out
Your husband needs to get a backbone. And he doesn’t use it. Then let the kid be with his mommy all the time. You can’t force someone to want to be with you no matter what reason he uses.You’ve done your best
Take her to court for mental abuse for you and the kids
Communication, Communication, communication!
Just befriend the bitch already… it will take time but make life a million times better.
Befriend the step son too… being him on a special date… see if he has anything he wants to talk about.
Grown ups that refuse to communicate make life hard for everyone around them.
You’re going to have to slowly teach her how to communicate with you and your husband instead of CPS
You say you already have a court order? Stick to that order by the minute. So when she starts messing times about you can go back to court and explain something needs done.
In a past experience I had an ex that would threaten to call CPS on me and actually did. From then on I called the worker who answered the original complaint and told her my ex was threatening to call because he is mad at me. This is his name, here is what he is complaining about, and here is why. With the details you have shared it is almost certain to be scrapped before it ever gets to interviews. If all else fails speak with a CPS supervisor and explain the situation. They will get tired of her real fast! This is exactly what I did.
ask the dhs worker about pressing charges for harrassment. thays what stopped my ex. they finally told him that if he made another false report they and i could press charges.
First and foremost, document everything. If you can get a snap shot of the text messages then do that. Second talk to the CPS caseworker. Let them know that if she continues with the threat of CPS that you will be filling harassment charges against for the mental abuse that she is causing. CPS will be more than happy to help. Ask them to investigate her further to verify that there are no issues there. Most of the time if it has been the same caseworker, more than likely they will help mediate something between the ex and your family.
Record everything I had too, get proof he isnt being given a hard time. Dont let him know you’re recording him just let him lie then hit them with proof.
Beat his moms ass and tell him to beat his kids ass.