What can I do if I don't like my daughters new friend?

My daughter has a new"ish" friend who has brought up many issues. When the friend has been at our house she rarely ever smiles and never makes eye contact with me. I shrugged this off because some kids don't have the same household situation. We always have a parent present and expect our kids to follow rules. Her house is a single parent household and the kids are always home alone.. no big deal. But the last time this girl was at our house she started telling my daughter to keep her siblings away from them so they could be alone. So all of a sudden my daughter is nasty with her siblings and now is flat out mean to them everytime she talks to this girl. Well I read through their messages (she is 10 so yes I pay attention to what she is doing and saying online)

and found out that now my daughter is using bad language and bad mouthing her siblings and myself, making it sound like she has a rough home life. She absolutely does not, in reality she has a very loving home where we are always present and happy to talk about anything. So the most recent messages are talking about how they are going to run away from home and love each other forever. Could this girl be grooming my ten year old? I had a talk with my daughter about the this and told her that I will never judge her if she chooses to date girls vs guys, when she gets older though. I don’t think she should be thinking about relationships going into the 5th grade. This girl is normally a bubbly person who loves everyone until the moment she sees or chats with this friend, then she immediately turns against us. During our talk I asked her if she would feel bad if her siblings did this to her. She cried and said she felt like a jerk and she thinks this girl is a bad influence. Now they will be in the same class this year and I am flustered and worried about this. What would you mama’s do in this situation? I am also going to add this is the second time we had to talk about an attitude and bad language being used talk with this friend. She never acts this way around other friends.

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I’m dealing with this SAME issue, my 10 year old daughter is all of a sudden being really mean to her little siblings, and I’ve also gone through her phone and seen her saying things (which I feel she is just trying to ‘fit in’) about liking girls. I don’t care who she loves when she’s older but she isn’t old enough to decide that right now…I’ve pin pointed the “friends” that she does this around and I have seriously limited interactions. I even went as far as having her classes switched as well, because one of the girls that seems to be the main problem was in them. She would also bully my daughter when she didn’t want to sit next to her, talk to her in class etc…I think as parents we want to protect our children, especially our daughters from everything but we have to let them figure some of these things out on their own, and let them LEARN life lessons. I definitely wouldn’t let this little girl stay over at your house anymore, and would try to get her classes switched. Most schools are understanding of things like this. She is at a hard age for young girls, because this is the time that they develop their personalities and also develop life long friendships….you seem to be doing all the right things. Be understanding, be protective, but also let her learn the things we all need to learn in life. I know exactly how you feel and I think that you are doing an awesome job, just recognizing these things happening shows you are a great mom :slight_smile:

Ok, this is my own personal experience I had/did as a child. This may shed some light on the situation… I came from a loving home with 2 present parents and I was the only child, I got anything and everything I ever wanted. I was over weight as a kid and didn’t have many friends. So I wasn’t popular. Around the age 12 I made a friend who I thought was so cool, she had the “coolest” mom ever blah blah. I was brought up to know right from wrong and I never pushed my parents rules too far. But one Saturday night I stayed over at her house, her mom bought use wine coolers and was allowing us to drink which I did even though I knew better. Her mom then decided to take the boat out on the water which I knew was very dangerous. I refused to go and called my aunt to come get me. So I did wrong but also knew where to draw the line. But I picked up smoking cigarettes from her. And from that point on most of my friends were like her, bad influences, people who helped me push to having sex younger than I’d have liked. Pushed me into trying weed and then doing it regularly. Skipping school, the whole nine yards. Looking bad… No I didn’t make any real terrible life altering bad decisions, but I did do plenty of things I wish I hadn’t and I know the friends I kept at the time took me down that road. So yes I truly believe this girl is grooming your daughter. Kids are easily influenced by their surroundings and to stay cool or to fit in they will do things outside their own comfort zone. Honestly she’ll hate you for a little bit but she’ll get over it. If I were you I’d nip that in the bud, or at least supervise 100% of the time and inform her if her attitude doesn’t change she’ll be without her friend ect. This is only my experience and opinion. I do wish you the very best! And Goodluck

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What can I do if I don't like my daughters new friend?

She doesn’t need to hanging with that “friend“

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She doesn’t need to be hanging with that “friend“

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Tell her to blame you . My mom says we can’t hang out sorry have a nice day . Let the ‘friend’ be upset all she wants

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I’d keep her away from that girl honestly. Maybe talk to the school n explain everything n they can maybe change her class or keep them apart

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Possible classroom change request. Our school will work with the parents in these regards.

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Kick the friend to the curb

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Talk to school to Put her into a different class. But thru life there will be bad influences and she needs to learn how to stand up and say no. How to be a leader not a follower :woman_shrugging: idk it’s hard. I am in this situation but mine is a sophomore. I just dont allow her to go to her house and limit time they have together as much as possible

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Unfortunately, this won’t be the last time that she meets a friend who is a bad influence

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Contact the principal of the school and explain the situation to see if they can change your daughters class.

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Maybe call the school and ask if she can switch teachers. You don’t have to get into detail as to why, unless you want to. But just say they don’t get along and you would prefer if they are in separate rooms. Keep monitoring her and try to keep them apart as much as possible with out making it to obvious. The more you push the more they run :woman_shrugging:t2:. Good luck mamma !!

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I’d request a class change and speak with the principal and teacher about this situation. Maybe change her number as well.

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Talk to parents and arrange a talk with the girl. They can love each other that’s fine but no running away and practicing foul language and manners. Especially towards the ones you love and love you.

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Maybe try to offer the friend some guidance. This could be what she is witnessing at her home or other family home. Then if it continue advice your daughter that you don’t like the way she is when this girl around

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Reminds me of the movie thirteen. Please just try to encourage her to make better friends!

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Remove her from this class. It’s your choice. Go talk to the principal.

I’m only half way through and this is entirely too much to be dealing with for a 10 year old.

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Switch classes to keep contact online and minimal

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Why doesnt she try to befrien the friend?it sounds like she has a really bad homelife and probably doesnt know how families really act round each other.Give her a xhance she may surprise you.x

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If she’s already uncomfortable & saying so then I would go talk to the school and see if I could get her moved to another class. And if she’s afraid to hurt the other kids feelings tell her to blame you if she needs to.

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That’s her girlfriend

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Unfortunately changing class rooms won’t do anything. They still will have lunch & outside time together at school. This is something your daughter is gonna have to be the big girl and tell this girl she don’t want to be friends anymore.

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Restrict this friendship

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Not a mom but def talk to your daughter how this friendship is not good for her but she dosent have to be mean when she’s sees her and talk to the school about the girl maybe she needs help from adults

Could be showing off because she likes her

Talk to the girl’s mother first. Maybe she does not know there is a problem.

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I would have her moved to another class… have a sit down with the other girl too. Maybe she doesn’t know what a family is. Some kids unfortunately never get to experience a good family life balance. She may need some guidance too. Maybe talk to your daughter about being a leader. When said girls starts bad mouthing throw in positive vibes instead of going to her way of thinking.

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No contact outside of school!
Control the things you can and let go of things you can’t! If she isn’t getting in trouble with this child at school, let it happen. Maybe the girl needs a friend, they are watched closely at school!!

Went through this, and you can have her put in another class. And definitely put a stop to the girl coming over. I’d also talk to the parent and child together.

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Talk to teachers to keep them apart

It is difficult. Separating you your child from the other girl is a first step. But maybe find out why the other girl is acting the way she is would be a good step. Perhaps she is jealous because she does not have the love your daughter has is the reason for her behavior. Talk to the mother and maybe let the girl feel she is loved by your family would help. And why does your 10 year old have a phone and email address?

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The other kids sounds like a very troubled kid. You need to have a heart to heart with your daughter about her own choices and how she allows others to influence her. Explain how she needs to be a good influence to others, instead of allowing them to be a bad influence on her.

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Your the parent here.Your daughter is 10.If she acts like a n*b around this child then stop them hanging out.I wouldnt want my daughter being friends with someone like that either tbh.

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U can switch classes but if that isnt possible then have a talk with the teacher and request the girls be seated away from one another. Yes they will still have lunch at the same time I’m sure but if that’s the only time they spend together, so be it. Tell ur daughter that she isnt allowed to hang out with this girl anymore if that’s how shes going to behave. My son had a couple 9f friends whom I didnt like due to how he would behave once around them. I put my foot down and told him he wasnt going to hang out with them anymore period and then chased the friends off with no problem whatsoever. Yes…I AM that mom that will put the fear of God in my child and urs if it means my child acting right.

This is her first real world lesson. Up until this age you have taught them everything and now it’s up to life to do it for you. I think you did your part , you had a real conversation with her and it seems you got through to her, removing her from the class just so another girl in another class will be just as bad in many different ways.

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Of course restrict the friendship and more importantly any use of anything she can chat on. Computer, phone, tablet, watch, fridge (yes my middle schooler used our fridge to access stuff he wasn’t allowed 2 before lol), any and everything with internet access or chat functions need to be monitored the entire time she’s using it. She’s proven she’s not ready to have that freedom and that’s ok 10 is really young and she has alot more maturing to do. My 13 year old isn’t close to being ready yet lol I’d even reach out to the guidance counselor with what you found because that other girl is talking about running away. This other child needs help as well before a predator finds her and I’d feel obligated to inform the guidance counselor at least .

My kids did that when around friends . Maybe the friend has a rough life and your daughter is trying to fit in with her.

If this girl is trying to persuade your daughter to run away, She would never be invited over again. That’s dangerous, manipulative behavior. Explain to daughter that a person that really cares about her would never try to isolate her from her family. (A great thing for her to learn). Consider going to the school and request a class change to minimize contact. Talk with the school counselor. They may be aware of other issues with this family. If you haven’t already install cameras at home just in case the running away or sneaking out becomes an issue. (also security) Trust your instincts, good luck :four_leaf_clover:

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Jesus. You are all talking about this child like she is the anti christ. Instead of treating a CHILD like an evil mastermind, why don’t you try being there for her and being kind. Try speaking with her about her home life. Make sure she is safe.

Also why are neurotypicals so damn obsessed with eye contact and smiling? She probably doesn’t make eye contact or smiles because she is neurodivergent or autistic. It’s common for girls to not get diagnosed until they are older.

Y’all all suck.

Sounds like the friend may be jealous of her relationship with you…have an open talk with her

Put her in a different class. Side note: while reading this I automatically thought about that movie with Nikki reed called thirteen.

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Have the girl and her mother over sit down between the four of you and have a good talk maybe the girl has an issue going on and the mother doesn’t know about

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Can switch classes but personally I would talk to the teachers and let them know the situation and maybe they can reach out to the child and help her if she has issues at home. I used to hang out with troubled kids growing up they are my best friends as adults because I was that one friend who they can vent to. Maybe she needs that!?

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I would speak to your daughter be honest. Also let her know if she likes girls that’s fine. But being mean isn’t.

I’d wanna tell her she can see her but this could cause her to rebel and possibly run away at school with her. Talk to her keep and eye on her be honest with her. Maybe talk to this kid see if she’s okay or the mom

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I’m an old lady now, lol, but raised two boys. My oldest, now, 44, had a friend’s along the way that were not too great. I put my foot down, informing him that he was too worthy of better and too valuable to me, ending running with the wrong ppl. He is and both boys are very successful with kids of their own. They wouldn’t have had any other way. I also had to, a couple of times, go and talk with the other parents or parent. I would do all to get her away from a grooming situation! In no time it could be too late.

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Let the teachers know u have issues with this child if in same class and can’t switch classes make sure they dont sit by each other in classes including lunch thats what we had to do and I also work at my kids school so all informed. Then the virus came the problem child was not in schoolsame days as mine thank God. And then that girl became home schooled 4 days of school yr thank god.now im in formed back together in middle school middle is 5th through 8th not happy im at the elementary

Your daughter is going to meet all different types of kids I don’t think it’s right to judge a child on the way she is raised differently from the way you raise your child. You are going to make her be a brat and think she’s better then everyone. The other child being young maybe you should talk to her and get to know her just because she’s different doesn’t mean she’s no good. Just put yourself in that child’s place would you want to be judged by what you have or the way you are raised. You are sounding like a snob. Just my opinion

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If she knows this girl is a bad influence you need to start helping her gain the confidence to cut her off. She needs to do this herself this is going to be a very important milestone in her handling things herself, and being able to say no when you aren’t around.

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No way would she be allowed in my home.

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I had a similar problem years ago with my daughter (when in middle school). Let’s just say, I nipped it in the bud right then & there. I could not control her talking w this girl IN school but, she was not allowed to have her @ the house or take phone calls. (Of course, that was before cell phones). I sat down with my daughter & had a heart to heart talk. So happy that she listened to me & followed through b/c years later, there was some issues that this other girl got into & my daughter saw just how “right” parents can be. Good luck! Friends come and go but, family is forever! <3

At 10…
Tell that little girl and her parent No more being friends or coming over
Sorry
Bye!!’

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Contact the teacher and the school and see if its possible to get the class your child is in switched. If not then have a chat with the teacher saying you don’t want her to be around this other girl as much as possible due to the affect she’s having on your daughter.
Now there isn’t much u can do about the types of people ur child meets. Shes going to meet plenty more like this girl and unfortunately for the other child its just the way she’s being raised and hopefully as she grows she realizes how to heal from that. However maybe have a talk with the other girl as well if ur daughter is still wanting to be friends and set some boundaries with her about how u guys behave in ur home and how u expect no bad language or bad mouthing of the family members in ur household to happen. Maybe even include her in family events u guys have. This could very well be her way of needing attention and validations where she may not be getting them at home. But if ur child has made it clear she wants to cut her off I would be having a talk with her about how to be confident in cutting people off. And doing so calmly and rationally.
She could say “hey I’m glad that we have met but I think we should spend some time apart” or “hey im really glad that we have a friendship but I think we need to end this friendship because im becoming a person I dont like when im around you. Its nothing against you and I hope that life treats you well”

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I’d sit the girl down and have a talk with her as well. She needs to know the way she’s allowed to treat the ppl in your house. If she wants to be nasty then she’s not coming over anymore.

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Nothing…let it blow over, hopefully​:crossed_fingers:t5::pray:t5:

You have your child’s class switched if she is being a bad influence now don’t ya think it’s only gonna get worse when they will be around each other everyday you are her parent so you have every right to do what’s best for her and I would switch my child’s classes I have had to do it last year because of girls in my child’s class right when we found out they were gonna be in the same class I called the school let them know I had a issue with this and I want my child’s schedule switched next day everything was fixed good luck mama it’s hard raising children I have all girls so I can only imagine what you are going through but I hope you get it all fixed and taken care of🙏

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Is this other kid 10as well? I mean same class, can’t be more than 11😩

Oh wow. She’s feeding off her friend’s negatively. This friend has influencing power over your daughter. Talk to your daughter over what’s right and wrong. Acceptable behavior. Get it on video as examples.

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Call the school and have her switched to another class.

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Keep her away from the girl

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Get her switched into another class.

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Would talk with this. Gurl

Reach out to the friend. You never know what she’s going through.

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She can’t be friends with her

I would end that! Absolutely not!

Children who need the most love ask for it in the most unloving way. Who knows what is going on in the girl’s home…her having a single parent home and maybe the parent is struggling with her own issues. Perhaps invite the girl over for dinner and have a candid discussion with both girls…make her feel safe to open up to you…but without being harsh.

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They are the same age so how can she be growing your daughter? Also if the siblings are younger they shouldn’t be playing with older kids anyway. Children murrow what they are taught at home. She isn’t being malicious on purpose. You need to teach your child to be strong in her convictions. You can cut off every bad influence that may come your kids way. You won’t always be there to do so.

Dont allow them to hang out…tell teachers to keep them seperated. There ya go.

id switch classes at her school n try to keep her away. she admitted shes a bad influence. she should be staying away

Im a little dramatic sometimes but this sounds terrible. Yes I would be worried. I don’t care if she is gay but the running away thing and making her turn on her family. Nope. I’ve heard wayyy too many stories that start like this and then they end up doing some bad stuff. I would switch classes.

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Just wanted to say you’re doing a good job mama talking to her like a person and not some uneducated child if that makes sense. It’s good you have an open communication with your daughter.

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So it sounds like the friend may be abused at her (hint the rarely smiles/never makes eye contact that’s a huge flag right there) and I think maybe you should try and talk to the friend. Something in her life is making her act out

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When I was about 11 I had a girlfriend who was from a better home situation than I had. But both of our mothers saw that we were getting ready to get into trouble, testing boundaries, etc… So they basically grounded us to only visit in her mother’s home and only work on a large puzzle together.
LOL. We both hated it, but it caused us to pull back from the escalating track we were on.

Your daughter isn’t being groomed but the little girl who you’re calling a bad influence might be.
I would talk to the girl’s parent, and depending on the impression you get, possibly have a wellness check done through social services or whatever.

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It would be over before it got worse.

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10 is young for the friend to be left at home alone. Maybe the friend’s mom could benefit from some donated childcare. Maybe the friend sees how happy your daughter is and is drawn to her and her loving family due to being home alone. First try to talk with the other parent. Invite her for coffee and get to know her. Second, talk with the other child. Explain what your household rules and expectations are. Show love and warmth instead of criticism and judgment. Give her the opportunity to do the right thing. If all else fails, maybe the school can help find some resources for the single mom. Times are tough. Parenting is tough. Single parenting is really tough! Maybe this family just needs to know that showing love and kindness doesn’t make you weak.

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This friend seeking help. She feels insignificant. She’s in pain & nobody notices. But your daughter is in a loving home who would notice changes in her. She’s trying to get you to notice her through your daughter. Sadly there isn’t much you can do. If you talk to her mom she’s likely to brush you off like she does her daughter. School isn’t going to be much help. They can’t discuss another child with you. All you can do is take her in. Be her friend. When she tells your daughter to be mean to her siblings step in & say no we don’t act that way. Monitor all texts between the girls. Its going to be a lot of hard work. If your heart is into it then you can bring her around. In the meantime id get your daughter into counseling. She needs a third person to talk to. An adult who she can tell things to but doesn’t fear punishment from. The counselor will inform you if there’s a run away threat or if she feels your daughter is in danger.

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I’m confused on why everyone is saying change classes. Lol. Like you going to change classes everytime a situation like this occurs??? Teach your daughter to set boundaries with friends. I have to do this with my 11 yr old son. And actually he is now learning alot about who good friends are and bad friends. This is a teaching moment. Keep on top of her and this situation eith friend. This friend could also be hurting and not shown love at home. Maybe have your daughter be the one to influence her with a good attitude and some compassion. You don’t know what’s going on in that girl’s llife.

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I’d be calling the parent and having a conversation and getting her input first and foremost. And definitely place some space between the two hanging out for a few weeks until your daughters attitude changes Bc that’s unacceptable.

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In my opinion- The friend is reaching out in the only way she knows how to (acting out) talk to the mom see what you think of her and go from their (maybe a wellness check on the “friend”) or maybe encourage your daughter to tak to her friend snd let her know she can always tak to you ?! Good luck

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Talk to the school have them separate. Also take her phone away if she is gonna act like that. Don’t let her come to your house no more.

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Just from what I got out of reading this, I worry about the possibility of sexual abuse.

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She’s trying to find ways to relate to her new friend

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Ask the school if you could change your daughters class so that she’s not in the same class? That’s if the school has 2 of the year group.

But the friend might be crying out for help and the only way she thinks she can do that is by doing this?

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It really sounds like your daughter’s friend is having major issues at home, and I would have someone do a wellness check, if she’s coming up with these ideas and that angry, there is likely a reason

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Have her switched to another class.

Depending on how kids environments are at home it is definitely real how a young child can groom another child. It’s a parents job though to teach their children about that too. I would be livid honestly. Keep doing what your doing by talking to your daughter and keeping tabs on her. I would request for my daughter to be in a different class and I would further let the other parent and the school know what’s going on.

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Talk to the other parent

I would stop my child from hanging out with her.

This just reminds me of the movie Thirteen

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Idk i feel like you might be overreacting a little. Sounds to me that instead of trying to get rid of the friend that maybe she needs a little of your love. Shes just a kid. Amd about the grooming thing… shes a child… chuldren dont know anything about grooming… but at that age they do get crushes and are just starting to discover that part of themselves.

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Go to the school guidance counselor. That the school is aware and keep an eye on them. This happened to me a friend and me were writing notes ab running away. The notes were found and guidance for involved. Come to find out this girl was cutting herself at 11. This way if this child is really suffering absurd or something they can intervene and u worn have to deal w it.

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Teach your daughter to be proud of who she is. To be assertive enough to set boundaries and know what she wants. She should know right from wrong and choose right no matter what.

Your daughter needs to know she has her life and that girl can’t tell her how to live it. If she must keep the girl as friend or allow her to visit, then the girl has to change her ways and don’t allow them be alone. At this rate, if she must keep her as friends, they need to be in the public eye always.

You should probably draw the girl’s mother’s attention to her daughter needing some help

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Call the school n request to be change from the class. Block her friend

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Call the school and have them put in separate classes for starters and stop letting them communicate with one another.

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Take it from me. My daughter is 15. For the last 3 ish years she has this one friend that she completely changed her attitude around. Swearing, being someone she is completely not. However I put my foot down and my daughter knows my feelings towards this one friend. She no longer comes to my house or any outings. We had a huge struggle at first but now the friend is out of the picture and her others friend do not care for her either. You are a mom first friend later. Put your foot down. I didn’t at first. We went through many up and downs.

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A big issue for me would be how easily influenced my child is. Not in ANY way saying anything negative about u or your daughter, just suggesting that u let her know she is her own person. A happy, loving, considerate person from what u say. She should never feel like she has to compromise that. Let her know she is a leader. If she doesn’t agree with something a friend does or tells her to do, she has the right to say no- and how proud u are/would be for her standing up for herself and her beliefs. And if the friend really cares about her, she won’t push it. I have a teenage son, but I do worry a lot about my daughter when she gets that age because the influence girls have over other girls is crazy.
Keep reminding her she is in charge or her own actions. And that her actions will have consequences if poor choices are made because u all love her and want her to be the best version of herself.

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I would try to get her into a different class, if at all possible. I feel badly for kids who have a hard time at home, but my focus is on my home.

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