What could it mean if someone says they would have married you if you were not married?

So I come from a different cultural background. My husband is very loving towards me and vocal about this too. At his workplace everyone knows he’s married got two kids a happy family. So I got to know from my husband that a good colleague/friend of his made a comment that “I would have married you if you were not married.” Is it a common thing to say? I just want to process this from other peoples perspective. Also once I went to his workplace he introduced me to everyone but that particular lady was very reserved just a quick hi and walked away. Remarks like that mean something or just a casual thing to say?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What could it mean if someone says they would have married you if you were not married?

I say even if i wasnt married it wouldnt change my lack of attraction to you

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It’s crossing a boundary and not appropriate. This person said that as a way to gauge your husbands reaction and see if he was interested in her. Sounds like they walked away from you because they’re jealous and want what you have :upside_down_face:

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Kinda odd but who knows

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In other words she has strong feelings for him.
Inappropriate, unacceptable and your husband should shut her straight down.

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Sounds like she’s trying to see if he feels that way about her

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Let it go it was NOTHING

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Your husband told you. That means he’s trustworthy. If he had any interest he could keep it secret so he could flirt with the woman. She obviously likes him but I wouldn’t worry as he’s told you what she said. But without context it’s hard to judge. He might just be a good person to be around at work so she’s made a jokey comment. I don’t think it’s a big deal

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Some people are saying this is no big deal, but I personally would have a huge problem with him being friends with this woman.

That’s extremely inappropriate and disrespectful. This is not okay.

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Shes waiting for you to fuq it all up lol

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I don’t know anyone that wouldn’t want to shut that down immediately. Not okay.

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She is jealous you have your man and not her

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She’s interested in him. That was an invitation to him. As in to cheat…

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Yeh, not really a normal thing to say. It could easily be passed off as a joke depending on the situation, but still, not really an appropriate thing to blurt out and could be taken as flirting.

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She is awfully presumptuous to ASSume your husband would marry her if he was single.
She is NOT his friend and does NOT have good intentions…period end of story!

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She made the comment or he did? And if she did just know you have a great man and if he did then he is prob not as great as you think.

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I’m impulsive when it comes to my husband. I’d probably have to slap her just so she knows there’s more where that came from… Idk. :joy:

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Yes I have heard this lol take it as a compliment don’t be offended.

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It was definitely an invitation or open Convo that she just opened up. Yikes. Be careful

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That woman wants your man, that’s what that means

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No. That’s pretty rude. Also… I’d wonder why she’s so comfortable saying that. I wouldn’t trust her whatsoever

No that’s not normal tell him don’t talk to the Bish unless it’s about work only she clearly wanna bone him!

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She wants your husband

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I don’t know if it’s that I’m from Australia, but this gets said offhand a fair bit. It’s the same with ‘if I were 20 yrs younger I’d marry you’ or ‘I could kiss you right now’. Usually something we would say in a joking manner to someone who’d helped us out. So it depends on context. As for being aloof - maybe she was busy that day or is a bit shyer around people she’s just met.

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Thing is… some women desire what they can’t have. He is appealing to her because he is happy, unavailable and possibly a great catch! (Idk him personally obviously lol)
If he was single, she probably wouldn’t care.

Dis she know him before you married him?

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These scum trash parasites need done away with… I would of beat the life out of it … too many whoress in this world. Not enough being beat lifeless… there’s even one that’s “family” which isn’t family to me anymore they’re dead to me now, hope I don’t ever see it that’s all I gotta say… lmao normalize putting trash in its place.

It means. Your runner up
If your not 1st yer last

Who writes these questions?

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She likes him and would like to be with him. Talk to your husband and put your mind at ease. This happens a lot and some men are tempted to act on this while others are faithful. Hopefully yours is faithful!

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Trust your gut. No one makes a statement like that then blows the wife off in person.

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The good thing here is your husband told you so he obviously loves u and has no interest in that toe rag. I’d be letting her know how u feel.

she obviously envy of your marriage and wishes she had a husband so loving, I wouldn’t think about it to much if you’re husband is loyal

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It’s a compliment. Do you think you are the only person on earth that finds your partner attractive?

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He needs to report that to Human Resources. Her behavior is highly inappropriate.

My question is: why would she feel comfortable enough with your husband to say that?

You need to sit down with your husband and ask some tough questions.

If he wants your marriage, he needs to set strong boundaries.

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It’s a compliment.
But also don’t overthink it.
Also maybe your hubby mentioned it because it made him feel good.
Maybe add some extra compliments to him that he isn’t expecting weekly to renew how you feel about him.
Men like to be praised and reminded they are #1.

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Be careful. Yea its common to be said but it also means she thinks he’s hot and would like a chance with him.

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I would innocently ask your husband what I means. Tell him that, being from another culture, you don’t understand why she would say that and you are wondering about it. Let him explain it to you. His reaction will tell you what you need to know.

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It means she likes him …and would have married him if he weren’t already married to you .

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I would say it means something. People don’t just say that.::

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I’m confused. Is it the definition of the words or the comprehension of the sentence the issue here

Just letting you know if you slack up she will bang him

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Nah, that coworker is testing the waters… That comment is super inappropriate, especially when she KNOWS he’s married with kids… I’d not be too happy about that…

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That person has a crush/obsession/infatuation with your husband.
And the way they behaved towards the introduction was rude and unnerving.

To a degree this instance is and can be common. Much the same as underhanded compliments and other toxic behaviors. It’s most unfortunate.

Your husband introduced you, he involves you. I’ve had ex’s who refused to introduce me to their “friends”. Shunning me on it because of “how I’d act or behave”. What and how I was treated WAS and IS a red flag.

Largely this is her problems. It appears your husband can be trusted and won’t allow her to become his problems. Just don’t look the other way though. Maintain healthy boundaries and keep firm with that one.

Facts are people like that will infrequently pop up from time to time. Unfortunately. If at any time she makes your husband feel uncomfortable with her petty advances have him hit up HR and lodge a complaint.

Curious if she inquired if he has an available brother. I find that a bit more socially acceptable. At least a bit less over the top to say “I wish I could find a good man like you”. That’s a compliment in my opinion. Not wish YOU were single. Utter disrespect and disregard of a marriage. :woman_shrugging:t3:

She wants your husband.

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There is no hidden meaning

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I’ve heard that and similar said in scotland. Personally wouldnt be worried about it because I’ve said similar myself :woman_shrugging:.
She recognises hes unavailable and won’t cross boundaries because he’s married but if he’d been single she would have tried.
Trust your husband …hes not entertaining her and has told you what she said .

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It means that she think that he is a great husband

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That comment means they want you SO for themselves. They have a crush and were letting your SO know it.

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That ‘woman’ is planting seeds for the future :smirk:

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No it’s not common, it means she’s attracted to your husband and it’s very disrespectful to say.

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First of all, what would be appropriate for your cultural background because he married you so things like that should be discussed and going forward respected. Secondly, what was his response to her? My man tells me when he gets hit on but then continues on to tell me how he informed the other person that he was not available. Like, did they need a “thank you for the compliment but” or a “I have the most incredible spouse of all time please check yourself” type of response based on their approach. If you think his response was not forward enough or appropriate, tell him. It sounds like this may have been a first for your relationship and as much as we want to help, we cannot resolve the questions in your heart that you deserve answers to and your spouse also deserves to know if they have set appropriate boundaries, is loving you in a way you feel seen, or if they need to improve. Do not let this slide or it can be misleading and something small right now could lead to animosity and confusion in the long run. Good luck! It’s easier once you start the conversation.

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She’s more than likely got a crush on your husband. If she high tailed it out of there without a reason and everyone else was okay with meeting you. As long as he’s not playing along, which you don’t seem to have that issue, you probably have nothing to worry about. It may have been innocent but I wouldn’t doubt she has a crush and was letting him know about it. I would ask how your husband responded before you dive into feeling like he’s doing something wrong.

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Just means she thinks he’s a good man…it was a compliment to him and nothing more. Since he’s not hiding it I wouldn’t be concerned.

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What kind of vibes is your husband giving her, I’d storm in the office and let her know that’s not normal and you will report if it don’t stop. You can’t act like this in a workplace makes things uncomfortable

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That is very inappropriate to say to someone’s husband. I’d give that lady a talking too and set some boundaries for her. As for your husband he sounds like he very much loves you but he should also be setting those boundaries with his co-worker’s

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Def not cool and her being brief with you is just plain jealousy. Clearly she’s aiming for future home wrecker status. :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

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I work in a factory and saying that that are said a lot some are just meant as your a great person and your SO is so lucky to have you and others are a way to try in flirt I’m a single mom and have been told a few times over the years I would date you if you didn’t have a kid or I would marry you if you where not so young I just turned 27 I have also got the your make someone a great wife one day most are never meant in any flirty way but some have made me uncomfortable

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She definitely wants your husband. That’s not appropriate at all.

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Complete disrespect towards you and his marriage. The other and most important issue will be what your husband DECIDES to do or say BACK

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She’s saying if he was single she’d want to be with him. Not appropriate to say however, it does seem like she’s not crossing any lines bc he’s married

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It really all depends on the context of the conversation that led up to the comment. Were they discussing their personal relationships at work? If so, that was completely inappropriate. However, it could have been said in jest. As an example: Your SO fixes a problem that she’s been struggling with at work, responding “I could just kiss you!” or “If you weren’t already married, I’d marry you!” while inappropriate and unprofessional, could just be her way of expressing gratitude for the job he did. Either way, your husband told you about it, so I don’t think that you have anything to worry about. It doesn’t sound like he feels the same way about her.

I dont think it’s inappropriate… shes giving him a compliment… not everyone wants a married man… but they do want a loving husband…maybe she just never experienced such a love from a man herself and is envious of it… I wouldnt read to much into it…

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Not appropriate on her behalf at all, completely disrespectful

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Is she his shop wife? I’ve heard that a lot

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She may not be crossing any boundaries by saying that but the way she acted towards you definitely shows she may not have a problem crossing lines if he gave her the chance

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Brandi Wilson WOW, talk about a manipulative and twisted person…look in your mirror.

So according to you, he should have kept the compliment a secret??

Otherwise the husband is “manipulative”…

If the husband never said anything so as to avoid (according to you) manipulating his wife he would then look manipulative, guilty and suspicious as hell should the wife find out.

That sounds like a good plan to you???

Dishonesty, lying by omission? That is what you are in favor of?

What is your suggestion the husband do?

Tell his wife… and according to you be manipulative.

Or not tell his wife … and look dishonest, suspicious, and guilty.

The poor husband is damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t.

Sheeeeesh…

Ultimately I would process this statement from a personal perspective that supports my overall wellbeing. Having the perspective of others projecting their own traumas can unnecessarily confuse you and potentially lead you to behave in a way that can be hurtful to you and your marriage.

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Depends on the context. Out of the blue is concerning but if he was bragging about yall or something it could just be a compliment. Like saying he’s a good man. If your husband was happily forthcoming with that information it was probably just a compliment. Guy’s usually don’t get compliments very often and he probably just felt good about it and wanted to share. If it’s not repetitive then I wouldn’t be too concerned.

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It’s a compliment. It doesn’t mean anything nefarious.

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I’m not seeing any issue here as your husband makes it clear he is happily married and even introduced you to his coworkers. He may have shared with her that he told you what she said and she is embarrassed by it and feels maybe you’d be upset with her as some women as you can see here will overreact to an innocent remark given your husband is so open about how happy he is in his marriage.

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Since he told you I wouldn’t worry about it. Plus he’s happy to have everyone meet you.
The woman’s comment is disrespectful to both you and his relationship, but inappropriate in the place of work. Though it may sound like a “complement” to some, she’s telling him she wants him.

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Just take it as a compliment that he’s a good man and obviously what other women would want in a husband. Surely she has no chance so no need to spiral about the comment. Haters gonna hate.

Men are obtuse. I’m speaking from experience. My 2nd husband and love of my life was obtuse. He was friendly and like to talk.
We had been married a year and I was 6 months pregnant with our child. We took our other 6 children to family church camp. He walked around with our son and the girls while I napped. A woman struck up a conversation with him and he liking to talk, responded. I come to where he is and within a few moments she leaves. No problem. Then she gets bolder. She would not get into the meal line until she saw us enter the cafeteria. And she would get right behind us and monopolize the conversation with my husband only. Men are obtuse. She even sat with us while we ate. Mind you, he sleeps on the boys side of the camp. I sleep on the girls. We didn’t have a lot of together time to talk.
By the end of the 2nd day, I informed him that she was chasing him. He was in shock. I told him to just watch when she showed up. He realized what I said was true and when he was alone and saw her coming towards him he walked away. If we were together and she showed up, we kept our conversation very general and would go back to talking between our selves.
Years later we worked in the same school. He was a wood shop teacher and I was an aide. They needed another math teacher and he was qualified to teach one class. He would meet at least once a week with the other 2 math teachers so they all could stay together in their curriculum. I was walking by the class room at lunch and saw them and went in. The one teacher was single. I noticed how giddy she got around my husband. I warned him later and though he was in disbelief, he started paying attention. I was right and he made sure to keep his meetings short and only about math.
We’ve been married 33 years. He’s a good man, steady, hard working and faithful. Not because women haven’t tried to entice him away but because he has a wife that understands women. He asked me why anyone would be attracted to him (he’s bald headed not ugly but not pretty boy handsome) and I said because women want a man like him. A hard worker, willing to talk, steady, and not so attractive that someone could steal them away. There have been other times but thankfully, he’s become wiser to the signals from women.
The fact is any man can be enticed by a woman on the hunt.
Talk to your husband. If this woman at work continues to be in his presence longer than necessary, more often than necessary, he needs to be aware and let her know where he stands. Faithful men can fall into a situation without even realizing there is a situation. We all like compliments that make us feel appreciated. We just don’t need to send the wrong signal or response.
Making eye contact is another signal. I never make eye contact with another male for longer than necessary, and if it happens I smile and say good morning etc and go on my way. I never allow my gaze to linger. Why? Because I’m aware of how innocent words and looks can lead to other things. Keep it real.

Well it can be taken a few ways out of depends on how it was said like a back handed comment or jealous cos he’s already taken. I’ve had this comment said I front of me about my boyfriend she said if you weren’t with her I’d snap you up I just said well he is with me, move along jealousy doesn’t become you. I’m comfortable enough to know nothing would happen but I can’t help giving sarky remarks back it’s my down fall🤪

No matter the context, you don’t say that to a married man. You are saying that you are interested in that person! No reason to say that to a taken person! If she wanted to compliment him she would say, you have a lucky family you are an amazing husband! That states that he is great, but she’s not drawing herself in the picture! Totally inappropriate.

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It means if you weren’t married, she would be trying to marry him.
Shes flirting and making advances to your husband. Letting him know that you weren’t in his life, she would be.

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That means she wants your man

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She got a work crush. Sounds like you have a good man and nothing to worry about. You’re a lucky lady :heart:

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There’s a reason she wouldn’t face you and her comment probably got your husband’s wheels turning I mean she just told him she wants him by that comment. Watch it, some people know no boundaries :confused:

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She was flirting, but since he told you about it he prob isn’t acting on it. she was prob quick to get away cause she’s embarrassed

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Was it sincere or said like a joke? I tell my best friend all the time, if I were a lesbian I would marry you.

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Is this how we’re going to start the morning? Stirring the pot already? No good morning. Haha obviously co-worker/ friend has a thing for him. Seems to know her place though and the fact he’s taking u & introducing u to co-workers is a good sign. I wouldn’t think too much about this lady but don’t overlook her either. It doesn’t sound like anything is going on.

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Uhm no that’s not a common thing to say but it could of also been said in a joking way.

I’ve joked about a work husband. It was actually my husbands best friend and there was NO attraction but he also looked out for me and we’d have lunch etc together.

He sounds like a good guy so I wouldn’t worry too much. She can live in her head as long as she isn’t acting on feelings or being inappropriate

I think he brought you to work sis …so tht bitch would lay off a lil bit …

Maybe she wishes her significant other would’ve been more like your husband? She could be envious or admirable towards his dedication for u or both

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It’s a compliment to you, and your husband I feel. He’s jealous of your husband because he has an amazing wife. You being that amazing wife means you make him happy.

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It is not a polite thing to say to anyone that is married because it’s a flirtatious comment that is made to see if the proverbial door is cracked open or firmly closed. The lady that has said this to your husband is interested in him, but your husband has completely shut that door in her face and you have nothing to worry about.

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You must read between the lines. Often what someone says is definitely not what they mean.

Sounds like she wants your hubby. You better set her straight.

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She wishes she had a man like yours that told her that he loves her as yours loves you.

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She checking to see what he would reply to that. She wants yo man. But is giving him the power to decide on if he wants her or not.

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The thing is option B never is satisfied with that status, its like sitting on the bench instead of being in the game, by saying that she was not so subtly implying “in case of fire break glass”

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She wanted him for herself and said that to give a compliment. She feels ashamed she mentioned it and felt awkward so she ran off after saying hello. I would’ve made it extra awkward and made it crystal clear to her that u know what she said.
She will always be waiting for him to open the door. She’s in the wrong for falling for a married man. U can also tell him to mention it to HR or he can transfer to different shift. This type of behavior doesn’t stop. He needs to make it crystal clear as well. They can’t be friends.

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It was a compliment I got that a lot at work move on you think!

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Girl she wants ur man or watch the reserved one

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She wants your man, basically.

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Shoot girl, I would’ve done went up to his workplace, waltzed right up to her and told her my hubby told me what she said and if it happens again, she’ll be catching these hands and a size 9 boot up the ass. :woman_shrugging:

Your husband telling you this is a good sign. The lady is a home wrecker. She wants your husband.

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