I’ve been with my SO for 6 1/2 years. it’s been rough on and off for so long, but i won’t get into that part.
This morning his buddy texted him and said ‘you probably won’t show up anyway’ guilting him into going over for a night.
don’t get me wrong, i’m not petty. I’ve never told him he couldn’t go somewhere, couldn’t do something he wanted too.
i’m the one who sits at home with the kids, i’m the one who has begged for a single night out with friends since i’ve been home with kids for 3 years without a night off.
i casually said ‘he’s lucky i don’t mind if you go, he doesn’t need to make you feel guilty’.
and the fight started , this man dead a** looked me in the face and said ‘i don’t need your permission, we aren’t married, if i want to go see my buddies i will’
i sat here shocked. because in all reality, i need to ask before i even go to the store. I don’t have a single friend anymore who texts or calls and asks me to do something since they all learnt in the last couple years that the answer was always no.
or I’d make the plans to go, and the last minute he would flip out about it, and then leave, so id be here alone with my girls and have to cancel.
I feel like i’m constantly getting the bad end of the stick, because i’ve lost all my friends, i sit alone, the only time i get out (and usually with my kids) is for groceries or appointments.
is this normal? are all men like this? because we aren’t married am i really supposed to sit at home alone while he gets nights out with his buddies and i don’t? id like to add, he’s been off work since september, he was a struggling alcoholic for a couple years and i constantly handled that the best way i could,
in November, he left six/seven hours away for rehab, and i won’t even get into how bad of a sh*t show that was.
I’ve been with my SO for 6 1/2 years. it’s been rough on and off for so long, but i won’t get into that part.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What do I do, is this normal?
Why do you have to ask ? Just go out with your friends … get a sitter or have him stay with them
No this is not normal. This is emotional abuse, he’s isolated you from any form of external support structure. It will only get worse.
He’s a NARCISSIST. Google that so you can learn more about that and get out of that situation fast honey. Protect yourself and your children. Prayers
being married has nothing to do with it, if he does it now he will do the same if you were married.
no this is abuse. maybe not physical but it’s mental/controlling he’s a narcissist and you deserve better
He’s a narcissist. No all men aren’t like this. You should be working as a team (married or not) and discussing child care while the other partner does things is a courtesy and a necessity if you share children. I’d have said something smart back when he said that.
Also, he’s obviously and addict. Is he currently sober? Loved ones of addicts are allowed to hit their bottom too, keep that in mind. Bottom line he shouldn’t treat you how he is.
Not normal at all… not even a little.
Throw the whole man away, it sounds like you are doing it all alone anyway!
No,all men are not like that. You need to get out while you can.
You’ve wasted far too much time on this man/boy cut your losses. There is no future here. I’m sure you deserve far far better. Trust your gut move on GOOD LUCK
And this was my life… basically. And no it’s not right. He had his sledding, played ball, golfed, fishing, helped out friends. All while I worked and then picked up kids… went home and tended to them then… was told often I needed to do house stuff… b4 I went out… also often was a phrase… not with My car… I left 2 years ago… for many reasons… this above included. I now have a full plate of work, I play ball, I go golfing with work Crew, take a evening for myself regularly as the kids r older, I am far from perfect I created some issues way back but changed that and learned ,I as well invites and had to cancel cause that day be a big fight… I was not gonna live that way any more and wasn’t gonna have my girls see that control and abuse as normal… sure as shit ain’t easy some days but every day I am happier and healthier and better off. As is he… far as I know… we don’t communicate well. But it was for the best all around…
I stopped after reading “I need to ask before even going to the store”…get out NOW. Huge narcissist….it will eventually become emotional and physical
No not all men are like that and he is an a** hole sounds like…. I would leave him and go do what you want when my ex left it was like a concrete brick lifted off my shoulders I felt so free good luck !!
The door is closing, start preparing…
The next time he tells you he doesn’t need permission because you’re not married, tell him “Well thank God for that”…to answer your ?s, no, normal good men are not like this at all. Get a sitter so you can go out. I would drop about 200 lbs of dead weight if I were in this situation.
You aren’t married, I’d get yours and the kids stuff together, file for custody of the kids and go. You can do better on your own. Married or not he shouldn’t treat you like crap, and his alcohol addiction is NO excuse.
Not normal, isn’t going to get better ever, there are people and agencies that will help you start a new life. You do not want to wake up some day and realize you’ve wasted all your life on this loser. Walk away and don’t look back, he’ll try to reel you back in with promises that will never be realized. I was a child in a marriage like this, my mom had finally started putting money away to leave him when she died of a stroke at 51.
I’m here to tell you, no ma’am all men are not like that. He sounds like a narcissist and I hope you will never marry him. He is mentally and emotionally abusing you. You guy’s should be equal. He should encourage you to spend some time with your friends or family. He should watch the kiddos so you can be have some “me” time. Don’t you dare “ask” him IF you can go anywhere, you want to go, then you go! If I were you, I would make a plan to save money, get your kids and leave him. He doesn’t deserve you.
You need to find a way out. He has you trapped and he obviously has no respect for you.
I would leave him FAST!
Save save save and next time he goes with his buddies for an overnight stay…… leave!
Absolutely not, my husband encourages me to get out and get time to myself. It isn’t often I’d tell someone to leave, but girl, LEAVE. He isn’t going to get any better.
Not all men are like that. I would suggest to leave but if you’re not there yet then at least leave him with the kids for a night and don’t give him the option. Just be dressed and walk out of the house. Leave him with the kids and take a night for yourself.
He’s controlling. You don’t need his permission to go out either. It’s both of your kids. I would get out of that relationship. It sounds toxic. Stand up for yourself
Leave the relationship
This is not normal.
Get yourself an exit plan together now! Organise yourself some finances, living arrangements and someone who you can trust to help you out when you leave.
Sounds like you know what you need to do!
The question you asked, “are all men like this?” Answer : not the good ones. Get out of this relationship before it’s too late. My husband is always telling me, go out with your friends. Eat, go to the movies. I dont have to ask. This boy of yours is not what you need in your life. You are a grown woman. You don’t have to be told what to do anymore
No, not normal. Just assholes are like that. Hence why I am single.
That is abuse sweetie. He has isolated you from everyone and keeps you right where he wants you. A real man, in a real relationship, encourages his/her partner’s needs and interests and makes sure they are all met. Relationships are 50/50. Accept nothing less!! Cut your losses, move on and move up.
In my opinion he’s right. No one should have to ask for permission or lose their identity because they are in a relationship. Yes be considerate and tell them. You allowed yourself to lose your friends and got in the habit of asking what you could/couldn’t do. Tell him you are going out, line up a babysitter and go out.
No. This isn’t normal at all. Granted, neither myself or my husband do “girls night/guys night”, we usually want to spend our time together, but if I wanted to go out or he wanted to go out, the other would stay home with the kids, without a fight.
If I were you, one night when he’s at home, I would go upstairs, get dressed, come down, kiss him goodbye and leave. Take yourself for dinner or a movie. Go get your nails done, go get your hair done… just go for a peaceful drive. When he says something, politely tell him “these are OUR kids, not just mine. I’m going out and I don’t need your permission because we’re not married” then roll out. I feel like if you tell him that you have plans in advance, he will make plans so that you can’t keep yours. So just get ready one night and roll out.
Normally, I would suggest to always communicate and consider your significant other, but if he doesn’t do that with you, then treat him as he treats you and see how he likes it.
He does this because you allow it. You allow him to do whatever he wants whenever he wants while you sit home. Put your foot down!
I dealt with this for 14 years. I finally divorced him and left. It won’t get better. It will only get worse. LEAVE it’s the best thing I ever did for myself and my children! Even my son he says he is extremely happy we divorced. He could see it all.
Start packing narc behavior
One thing I can promise you is that he’ll never change. Leopards never change their spots. He’s definitely got control issues.
This is not the norm. You are caught in a Narcissistic relationship…he will drain you dry ,as he has done so far, and you will lose YOU! Since you are not married, you don’t need his permission. You and your children need to get out and do things together. There is no binding commitment in your relationship. If he can do as he pleases, so can you!!
Shame on you gif putting your children in a situation like this. Get out
Sounds like a controlling asshole if you ask me🤷♀️ do what he dose. Be ready to leave when he gets home and just leave. Go have your fun.
U would be far better without him sometimes u don’t think u will live without someone even through u love him ur being dragged down and ifit hasn’t changed u need to make that change it won’t be easy but that’s not healthy at all staying the way yous are. Ur unhappy huni and u need some time to urself aswell especially with ur children all day and doing things in the house it becomes too much. Hope u have the will to do what’s best for u and ur children
He has isolated you. Abusers do that. Get out asap
And you are with him because ??? Girl get a life without him
What you accept will be your future.
He us abusive mentally ! It will turn physical ! Get the heck out of thete and do it fast .your kids see this !
When you’ve reached your limit, you’ll start making sound decisions on behalf of your children and yourself.
You can’t hold anyone responsible for things you allowed to happen.
Time to put yo big girl panties on and start adulting.
It time for you to have some fun and be happy. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve.
Get out now! From experience, it takes so much time to unlearn what you thought was normal…and allow yourself to accept better.
Okay, He is only doing what you are allowing him to get away with. I have been married 8yrs. I don’t let my husband dictate what I can and cannot do. I’m nice and let him know ahead of time but I don’t ask for permission. Those are his kids. He’s not going to die if he has to watch them. Stop letting him make you feel guilty. Go have a girls night out. If he doesn’t like it… Show him to the door.
Honey u need to just start thinking about ur kids and urself. To hell with him,not bcuz u have kids it doesn’t mean u shouldn’t enjoy life…we only have one to live so start doing u
You need to leave. It will be hard at first but it’s the best thing for you and the kids. My ex did stuff like this to me. It was horrible. I was literally Cinderella cooking cleaning and shopping for us and his parents who lived with us. He left me for his gf and it was so liberating. I was finally free, but it doesn’t seem like he will leave. You need to be the one to leave. Your not married like I was, your children are your link. If he truly cared about you, he would understand that relationships are two way streets and require trust and communication, neither which is going on here. Please, for your sake and your kid’s sake, leave.
SHOW HIM HIS WORDS. Get you some friends and set up a girls night. Get dressed up. When he asks where you’re going you say “out with some girlfriends.” When he starts in on you simply say “I don’t need your permission.” Proceed to go out and have fun!! You deserve it and those are his children as well, he should be fully capable of handling them for you to AT LEAST go out once a month
Build your village, find you a friend that will watch your babies for one weekend night per month, plan a girls night on those night and enjoy! Or join a parent network in your community and hang with other moms
Red flags everywhere. May be time to leave this narcissistic POS. Sorry been there done that. Best option is to run girl. Better off being happy on your own. Hugs
Nope not normal, easy for me to say is “leave” but yeah not cool man, he either needs to compromise and come up with dates and plans when yous get to hang out with ya friends and date nights out together otherwise you’d be much more freer without him. No matter what he says
Hon this isn’t normal behavior. Yes it’s normal to tell your significant other your going out even if your not married but he shouldn’t be forcing you to stay at home while he goes out. You guys should both be able to have lives. A normal relationship would be “hey I’m going to hang out with my friends I’ll be home around this time” I can understand if you guys had already made plans and you where flaking on them and he got upset not no this is not normal. My husband and I have been together 13 years we always tell each other where we are going out or respect and so the other doesn’t worry but we don’t have to ask for permission
That was gonna be a fight regardless. You are resentful he goes to do these things and it’s not being communicated or heard and surely not being addressed so then you make passive aggressive shots that leave him feeling like he needs to fight to justify leaving both of you upset unheard offended and in a fight that results in you feeling the need to be justified by strangers that don’t know the whole story. Now don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying you’re bad or unjustified in your feelings but I am saying today might be the day you change everything about how you communicate with your partner. If his friends feel the need to guilt him into coming over to me it looks like he’s declined at some point because he felt like that’s what you wanted or needed but he’s just guessing because it’s never been communicated, so if he feels like he’s made an effort to meet these uncommunicated expectations and then you make passive aggressive potshots at him for it his feelings are now hurt and he’s not validated. You have the power to change all of that though, you now have someone from the outside seeing it differently than you do and saying hey maybe you should try this instead. If you choose not to you can not expect any changes. Yes he’s going to be resistant to it because it will feel like a trap or set up because you don’t have communication currently but if you’re truly invested in trying to make this relationship healthy you will reach out to a therapist to address your past traumas and relearn how to communicate in a healthy and meaningful manner.
He’s controlling of you. He made you lose all your friends, that’s what he wanted. Open your eyes, you have no friends yet he gets to act like he’s single. NO NOT ALL MEN are like that. I’d pack my shit up and leave his ass.
What madness? Why are so many women having sex with men who treat them as if they are children? This is so weird. You are a grown @$$ woman. Why do you need permission to maintain relationship with your friends? You need a night out then go. Look he is living his life while you are a big boulder at home. I would suggest you start asserting your independence. Bit by bit.
Your response: “you’re correct, we aren’t married but I can ALSO have time to myself as well, just like you do.”
Isolating from family or friends is a form of abuse—Sounds like he systematically helped cause this for you.
In the meantime, ask yourself if this is the life you want to continue to live. It’s not normal.
Not normal. Control freak. He wants his cake and eat it too. Slowly start doing your thing…get therapy. And move on!!! Take kids. Get your life together. Find a place to live. Get working. Get state help for daycare, etc. But go on!!!
No this is not normal. I was once in a similar situation and all I needed was to know that it wasn’t normal. Be kind to yourself. This is a hard way to live. Maybe it’s time to move on but only you can make the decision. Good luck
I’ve been in relationships like that
It is NOT normal
It is NOT healthy
All men are NOT like that!!!
I’ve been with my husband almost 5 years. Our kids do not share his DNA
I am free to do what I want but of course I ask first out of respect
He will even watch our kids sometimes when I go.
There is more to live.
Side note. Why can’t you find a baby sitter for you time?
No. It’s NOT normal. No matter how many times he tells you differently. It’s. Not. Normal. He has been doing this by design. Starting with your friends and family. Now that you’re isolated, he thinks he can treat you however he wants because he’s all you have left. Girl. Life was meant to be lived and enjoyed. Leaving him, would be the best thing you could do. For you. Your mental health. But most importantly, your children. So that they may never find themselves in a situation like you are.
My entire life. I’m so sick of it
It’s his kids too. You also don’t need permission to go out. Plan a night for yourself and go out.
None of this is normal behavior on either of your parts. Please stop. Stop asking if it’s ok to be undervalued to be made to feel unworthy. Stop accepting less as normal. Stop waiting for a man’s approval stop alienating people who may give you happiness for a man. You know it’s not right do something about it.
No not normal - no not all men are like this
No, It is not normal for a guy that supposedly loves you to be like that.
Why do woman allow men to treat them like this!?!? It’s disgusting!
Tell him to fuck right off, and when you want to go out you will do it.
Who needs permission to go to the damn store? Or anywhere for that matter.
That’s what’s messed up in society.
Letting men control us.
It’s not normal and just showed you that he controls your actions and there’s “nothing” to do about it. He’s secluded you from friends and family. This isn’t a healthy or safe relationship it took this to prove it. I come and go as I please. I don’t ask to go anywhere and neither does my husband.
He likes the control your allowing happen, I straight load up my kids and roll I’m not staying home just cause I have kids
Girl, you aren’t married. Put his a double s in the road where he belongs. You get out if that gutter and come up and live with people who have regard for someone other than themselves. This man has no respect for you and he never will.
Watch ‘The Maid’ on Netflix.
Absolutely not normal and definitely not okay! All men are not like this either. Relationships are built on mutual respect; married or not. Sounds like you are held to a different standard than he is. Don’t put up with that. You are both grown and if he can so can you. The more you let him control you the worse it will get!
You’re with one of those “gotta beat him to the door” selfish men. You can go out just like him without planning a sitter just like he doesn’t. Get dressed & leave just like he does, but also leave him altogether…it won’t get any better.
Me and mine are married we have a 38 year old daughter that is handicap and we take turns going out and doing things if he’s not here I could have somebody come and stay with her why I long do what I want to do
That’s abuse he’s controlling you. He is secluding you from support and not letting you do things.
He is a loser and not worthy of you or those kids. I’d do whatever I could to get the heck out of there.
I gather that these are not his children? I’m assuming so due to the “my kids, my girls” is he involved with them like a parent in other ways? It sounds like he has no interest in children, maybe you should look further and find someone who appreciates you and your children as well. Don’t sale yourself short girl.
He isolated you on purpose. I’m sorry to tell you, he’s manipulating the absolute crap out of you. Not being married isn’t an excuse to be an ass, and it’s funny how that ONLY applies to him so he doesn’t have to respect you. Just fyi a man like this doesn’t change his controlling behavior, just changes victims. Get out while you can…
What is good for the goose… is good for the gander. The real question is… how bad do you want to stay with him?
This is how my relationship was until I truly got sick of it and made changes. I let him know that yup we’re not married so I am also going to do what the hell I want as well. Shockingly firmly sticking up for myself and letting him know that I’m fully capable of walking away worked… but I had to consistently do it. When I started demanding respect he started giving it.
That’s just my experience.
It’s not normal. You deserve and NEED a life outside of the home.
Neither one of you need permission to hang out with friends. Him pointing that out, shows he has no respect for you.
From what you’re telling us, his actions tells me a lot. Just sit down and read between the lines. He’s trying to manipulate and control you for a reason. What is he really doing, when he isnt home? Id think long and hard before continuing that relationship.
Get rid of his a$$ and get yourself a job and take care of your kiddos. You seem to be doing it all anyway
No, this is not normal. This is actually a form of abuse. A relationship should be give and take, especially with kids. So sorry you are going through this and pray things get better.
No boot him out and get a grown up
and why are you still there? You don’t say if you have a job or not, if you do, pack up and take the kids and get out!!! If no job, get one and then pack up the kids and get out!!!
I’ve dealt with this and I looked at him and straight up told him that they are his kids he needs to parent them not just me and I went out for my birthday after arguing with him for two days straight over it put your foot down tell him don’t ask and walk out the door
No, it’s not normal.
When he comes home from his night out with his friends, you get your things and tell him you’re going out for a bit and you’ll be back later. If he flips out about you leaving him with the kids, that’s your cue to tell him that if he doesn’t need to ask, neither do you. They’re his kids too and he can stay home with them while you get yourself a break too.
Hes a controlling dkhead and its time for you to Seperate yourself.Hes right yall are not married.Make sure you remind him of that when you give him your a to kiss.
I would wait till the last minute grab my coat and say I’m going out. Then leave. What is he gonna do?
Girl leave! You are basically a single mom anyway he doesn’t provide financially or emotionally kick him to the curb and take your babies with you.
Boot his ass to the curb. He has no respect for himself let alone you.
Oh hell naw. While he’s out pack his shit. When he gets back it’ll be waiting for him. Luckily yall aint married and you don’t need permission to break up.
Girl leave him!! And NO all men aren’t like this!! My husband lets me have breaks often and one of our children isn’t even biologically his! We go to friends house and he lets me rest and socialize while he chases the baby and makes sure our older son is being good all so I can relax. Your man sounds like a manipulative jerk.
Stop asking to do things. You don’t need his permission you guys aren’t married as he said. Even if you were you also don’t need permission to go anywhere. He’s controlling you.
If he can go out. So can you. Not normal as he said your not married. Find something’s you can do outside the house with the kids.
The answer to your question, Is NO, Not all men are like that, I’d leave so fast, he wonder where I was, No way to live, we have one life, and I intend to make the best of it…Get OUT now!!!
It’s called isolation. He’s isolating you, a form of control. And if you’re at home all the time you’re not going to find out about anything he might be doing
Question for you. Do you want to say youve been doing it for 10 years? 15? Make a change now before you add more time to your sentence.